Sexy Beasts (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

I am so single,
I'm dressed as a panda bear
to try to find a connection with somebody.
I'm at the point now where I'm dating
probably to marry somebody.
Are you like a nerd-nerd,
or are you like a hot nerd?
- Baby, I'm I'm a hot nerd.
- Yes!
When it comes to dating,
we all go for looks first.
Is it love at first sight?
So, in this show,
everyone looks as weird as possible.
Could you fall in love with someone
based on personality alone?
Ass first, personality second.
Would you feel that way
when you see their real face?
You are hot!
Welcome to the strangest blind date ever.
This is Sexy Beasts.
Meet Emma,
a six-foot-tall model from New York
who is tired of guys only noticing
the way she looks.
They judge the book by its cover,
more or less.
This is why I'm very excited
for this experience.
They'll get to connect with me
on a different level
and not really judge what I look like.
So, what kind of guy
does Emma normally go for?
If somebody's just, like,
too perfect-looking,
I don't find that attractive.
I definitely go for bad boys.
But, at the same time,
he needs to be kind of soft in the inside.
Kind of like a hard shell.
Soft on the inside
with a hard shell?
Huh, luckily, this is the one show
where Emma might actually meet
the tortoise of her dreams.
For my dates to impress me,
I need them to be funny and open.
It's just all in the chemistry.
Sexual attraction is definitely a must.
And hoping they can spark up
a sex fire with our demon,
are these horrible hunks.
Starting with Bennett,
a former pro volleyball player
from San Diego
who looks for one thing in a partner.
Well, two.
I am weak for big boobs. I'm a boobs guy.
It's just something in my nature
I can't control, you know?
It's wired into me.
Well, a man needs a hobby.
But what are your hopes for today?
Ideally, we both
rip each other's masks off,
and then I pick her up,
and we run off into the sunset together.
Keeping expectations low. Cool.
Next up is Archie,
a student from Gloucestershire, England,
whose dating history is, well, rocky.
I thought I was a player,
and I realized I ain't all that.
I've had one relationship in the past.
I'm just waiting around
for the right person.
Incredible that waiting around
hasn't yielded the love of your life.
So, who is Archie's ideal woman?
I like a girl who's natural.
Beauty's in the brains.
That is a refreshingly modern viewpoint.
- Well done, Arch Ugh.
- Big ass.
LL Cool J, "Big Ole Butt."
So, beauty's in the brains
and the butt. Got it.
Completing the trio is Adam,
from Birmingham, England.
Why are you here, Adam?
I think it's experience.
It'd be good for me.
I'm not proud of it,
but I do just go for looks first,
personality second.
That's why I'm here single,
dressed as a mouse.
But Adam's got a secret weapon
to help him win.
I actually wear ladies' perfume.
Oh la la!
My thinking is girls wear that
because they like the smell of it,
so I'm gonna wear something
that they like.
It's already a box ticked.
Oh la la!
That's either genius or insane.
Anyway, Emma has hit the London bar scene
to speed date our gruesome threesome.
Oh, wow.
Based on first impressions,
she'll kick one of 'em out.
- You're the best-looking devil I've seen.
- Thank you.
And only then
will his real face be revealed.
- Is it love at first sight?
- I think so. Maybe.
Let the speed-demon dating commence.
You look scary.
I look a bit like a god. What you reckon?
- You look like an ancient Greek god
- Yeah, like Zeus or someone, right?
- Yes!
- Yeah.
Think it's sexy?
- Yeah!
- I'm a god.
For sure.
Why are you single?
And why are you at a bar
talking to a mouse?
I broke up from, like,
a long-term relationship
Sorry to interrupt.
Wasn't a mouse, was it?
He'd call me a little mouse,
so this is weird right now.
Barman!
Nose change.
- Can I touch your nose?
- You can touch it.
- My God.
- What do you think?
It was definitely very cool to, like,
touch each other, feel each other.
So, maybe that's a plus.
- What're you drinking?
- Something with gin.
Something citrusy. It's really good.
Yeah, I've just literally got
plain whiskey on the rock.
Proper man's drink.
Type your dad would drink.
I was kind of getting lost
with him a little bit.
I didn't really feel
like we were connecting
on such a crazy level.
- Where are you from?
- I'm from Birmingham, in England.
Cool! Oh!
- Have you ever been?
- No, but I've seen Peaky Blinders.
Thing is with Birmingham,
we just love pubs.
- Pubs.
- Pubs.
I think, maybe, when this is all over,
me and you need to head out to Birmingham,
some dirty little pub
and just get smashed.
I grew up really shy,
but I think the mask is kind of helping.
It's, like,
channeling this character in me.
Right. It's like the mask makes it easier.
- For me, it's more difficult.
- Do you rely on, like, your beauty?
- Or, like
- Ah! Um
Oh.
You'd like me better with the mask off.
Okay.
I mean, I'd hope the same
applies for everyone.
I moved to New York to pursue modeling.
- Yeah.
- I did a bit of a modeling.
I can't lie. It's easy, isn't it?
- Bit of the shoulder, the smolder.
- Yeah.
I didn't get paid well.
I've always said,
"You can be with someone,
but you need to have, like, banter."
- What?
- Do you know what banter is?
Um
Adam is trying to explain
what banter meant.
You making me laugh, for example.
- Bouncing off each other, laughing.
- Okay.
That's what banter is.
I don't think we had it, though.
So, that was a little awkward.
Are you, like,
very loyal in relationships?
I think that I can be very loyal.
Mm-hm.
I think that it takes someone special
Mm-hm.
because, you know, it's it's tempting.
- There's a lot of temptations everywhere.
- Yeah. Not sure.
- Ah, I feel like
- Ah?
I try to be loyal?
Uff, well, on that note,
the speed dates are done.
So, how do our beastly boys
think they did?
We got on well. The banter was good.
But it's just so hard to say
if there was a connection there.
I'm interested.
I'm definitely interested in another date.
Conversation flowed nicely.
Energy was there.
I feel, you know, it was reciprocated.
It's up to her, but, I mean,
I think there's definitely a match.
I do. Yeah.
The boys are keen,
but did Emma find the chemistry
she was looking for?
I don't think I felt that yet
with anybody.
They didn't give me that vibe yet.
They need to work harder.
I don't know.
I'm confused right now.
Well,
this should be interesting.
Time now to go to Sexy Beasts Manor,
home of heartbreak for hundreds of years,
where Emma will kick out one guy
in a dramatic ditching ceremony,
before his real face is revealed.
- Hi, boys.
- Hi.
Hey.
Okay, Archie.
I think conversation flowed,
and you did make me laugh.
But,
I didn't get to know you that well.
Adam.
I had fun with you as well.
I definitely want to go
to that pub with you
but you were talking over me,
so that was a little bit of a setback.
Bennett, I definitely liked our chemistry.
Uh
That little wink was everything.
The only thing that set me back
was I don't wanna, like,
fight other girls over you.
But just one final word for two of you.
I definitely need for you to, like,
step up.
Show me why I should choose you.
Unfortunately, I have to lose one,
and that person is
Adam.
We could still go to that pub,
though.
Yeah, maybe not.
Your loss.
The mouse dropping has caused a stink.
I was shocked. I was shocked.
- I think he was a bit rude.
- I'd have played it cool.
I cannot wait for her to see me
and see what she's missing out on.
He could be the hottest person
on the planet.
But, yeah,
ugly on the inside.
But is he ugly on the outside?
Let's find out
by removing the squeaky blinders mask.
Good news! He's a man, not a mouse.
But is this face hot enough
to make Emma regret her decision?
The tension in the hallowed hall is
almost unbearable.
Oh, my tummy.
That's lightened the mood.
Get him in, quick!
Oh, ho, ho!
I'm back.
- Hi.
- He's a good-looking guy.
You miss me? Yeah?
Well, don't all shout at once.
No hard feelings.
Okay. Okay.
He's definitely really good-looking.
He had a great smile, but I think
I made the right choice.
No regrets from Emma.
But how will Adam react
when we give him a sneaky peek
of what she really looks like?
Got any tissues?
I'm gonna start crying.
Can you ask her if she wants
to change her mind?
Okay. She said no.
So, only Bennett and Archie remain.
They each get a second date
with the devil,
before Emma chooses her Sexy Beast,
and all the masks come off.
Who will raise their game the most?
Archie's up first.
I'm just gonna be myself.
I've got a personality.
I'm gonna let it shine.
If we vibe well, you know, boom.
And what better way for a sexy statue
and a desirable demon to fall in love
than with a sensual massage?
I'm so excited to be on this date
with you.
I'm just glad you haven't got ogre feet,
'cause that might put me off tiny bit,
you know?
Those thankfully normal feet
are about to get a rub
from masseurs Dawn and Roz.
- Hello.
- Nice makeup!
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
That is incredible!
Okay, time to warm the oil
and cue the pan pipes.
This might be grossing you out,
but there are a bunch of foot fetishists
out there who are losing our mi
their minds right now.
This one's for you, feet freaks.
Oh, yeah.
Wait, did I did I say that out loud?
What would you do if, like,
money wasn't in the equation?
- Oh, uh, I'd travel the world. 100%.
- Yeah, same.
Try out new things.
You know, I love culture, man.
When I go on holiday,
a lot of people go to tourist places.
I wanna see culture.
I don't wanna go to Italy
and go to a burger joint.
I wanna go there, try the pasta.
Whoa, cool your jets there,
Columbus.
So far, I'm enjoying my date with Archie.
We're getting along really well.
It's really special.
Wow! You know,
the candles lit, really romantic.
Couldn't beat it.
Do you have any long-term goals?
I think I'm still figuring that out,
but I definitely just wanna follow
my intuition
and see just kind of how I grow
and what I end up liking.
I'm all about that. Trying to become
more in tune to my intuition.
This guy I met not too long ago,
he goes, "How old do you think I am?"
I said, "26," and I was right!
It wasn't long ago when I guessed
that guy's age.
Like, two weeks back.
So, genuinely, um, I guess
I've been following my intuition more.
It's guiding me in the right direction.
I end up here.
Ah, yes. Age guessing.
Perhaps the most coveted
of all the psychic powers.
So, I want you to intuitively, like,
tell me what you think my age is.
Here we go.
Twenty-one?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Hey!
Oh, that's actually pretty impressive.
What about me?
Sixty-two.
- Sixty-two?
- Yeah.
Give me his feet.
That's one justifiably angry 55-year-old.
- You are done.
- Oh!
Dawn, her looks deceived me.
Let's just say that.
I definitely think
he should have lied to Dawn
about what he thought about her age.
If he lied about that part,
he would've come off more of as, you know,
a gentleman.
Hopefully,
Archie has learned a valuable lesson here.
When in doubt, lie.
Oh!
- Hey, to living the high life, man.
- Cheers.
- Yeah.
- In the spa, you know?
With a lovely woman. Damn!
- Damn!
- Living life right now!
Archie has stepped up his game.
He's definitely showing me
a lot of love and good vibes.
Little high five with the feet.
High-fiving with our feet?
We're pretty compatible.
Vibe was definitely there, I reckon.
Hopefully, I'll get picked as a winner.
So, Archie avoided death
by masseuse and impressed the demon.
Bennett's got his work cut out.
Once she gets this mask off me,
She's gonna really fall in love,
and I wanna win.
Let's do this thing.
What do a mandrill and a demon
look like on a roller coaster?
Oh, shit!
Quite happy.
I love roller coasters.
Whoa.
Are you a screamer?
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah?
Are you?
You make, like, noise?
Well, obviously I make noise.
I hope this is about roller coasters.
What's the craziest place
you ever had sex?
Oh, boy. Looks like Bennett's
stepping up his game already.
Umm, I don't know. I've done it in public
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Have you?
- Yeah.
- On the beach?
- On a hole on the golf course.
Sure, there's a hole-in-one gag
to be made here,
but we will rise above it.
Oh, my God, okay.
It's actually super high up. Oh, my God.
- Oh!
- Ooh! Ooh!
- There's only one way back. Oh, oh!
- Don't look down! Don't look down!
Smile for the camera.
Oooh!
Oh, I love it! I love it!
Again!
Such a rush.
And now, the big one.
A real adrenaline rush,
on the park's most vicious
Oh, really?
I'm going fast.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
"I'm going fast"?
How old is this guy?
Oh, maybe we should ask Archie.
- Yesterday's elimination.
- Yeah. How'd you feel about it?
Well, what you said about me,
I was like, "Ooh."
I thought it was pretty hot.
- Really?
- It was sexy.
- Oh, my God.
- I was like, "Damn!"
- Damn.
- You're like
I want you on your best behavior.
- You're like, "Come on, let's step up."
- Yeah.
I was like, "Oh, yeah? Okay."
I was like, "Umm."
Umm.
- I kind of want that.
- I kind of like it.
- You're honest.
- Yes.
- Are you communicative?
- Very. Overly.
I mean, that's good.
That's all you can ask for, right?
On the teacup ride,
I had my arm around her,
and it felt really natural,
and I could just tell she was warming up
to me.
He really did open up today,
and we got to know a bunch more
about each other.
So, yeah, I had so much fun.
And as the rain moves in,
so does Bennett.
- Like, I'm I'd be like this all the time.
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah.
- Like, just on me.
That's cute.
I'm gonna fall in love.
When we were under the umbrella together,
and, I don't know,
there was just, like,
this electric kind of chemistry.
We were looking at each other,
and we're like,
"I wanna rip that mask off."
- Yeah!
- Yeah, I like that.
It's so crazy because I've kissed
this girl,
and I dunno what she looks like.
Uh, two mutants making out
in the drizzle under an umbrella.
Could this get any more erotic?
A full mouth of beard.
Oh, my God.
How is it? Oh, yeah.
Yes, it could.
I feel like we already have a connection,
and I know I'm gonna like
what I see under that mask.
Even though
I had this amazing date with Bennett,
I'm trying to keep
a little space for Archie.
Gonna be really hard choosing.
The time has come
for Emma to choose her Sexy Beast.
Is stone-cold psychic Archie
- Twenty-one? Hey!
- Yeah.
playing on her mind?
Or was a mouthful of Bennett
Full mouth of beard.
enough to seal the deal?
- Hello.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- How are you doing?
- Missed you.
- Yup.
Archie
we really got the conversation going.
I love your personality.
- And I hope you had fun too, right?
- Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah.
It was really mutual. Yeah. Yeah.
Bennett
our date was different
than what I expected.
I'm really glad you opened up,
and I think it was really special.
Unfortunately, I can't choose both of you.
I have made my decision.
Bennett, you're my Sexy Beast!
Bring it in!
Yes,
Bennett is Emma's man-drill,
her prime-mate, her
This is a long hug.
Right, Archie?
Mmm.
Archie?
Can't wait to see
what you look like without that mask.
Seriously.
Oh, thank God.
Jeez, that guy must have game.
Let's just say that.
He managed to pull a fine dime.
I'm so happy.
I wanna take that mask off her
and run off into the sunset.
We had crazy chemistry.
I didn't think that I'd feel that way
about somebody here.
I'm very excited to see what he actually
looks like.
We'll all find out
what he looks like very soon
because it's time to de-mask the beasts,
starting with our very own horny devil.
This is the real Emma.
Well, kudos to whoever performed
that exorcism.
The baboon might need tranquilizing
when he sees her.
But first,
let's meet the god that got away.
Whoa, even the real Archie is sculpted!
Will Emma regret her decision
when they meet in the manor's
twinkling theater of dreams?
- Oh, my God!
- Hey.
You're so cute! Uhh!
Hi.
- You look good in that dress.
- Thank you.
Archie is definitely the type of guy
I would go for,
but we definitely didn't have
the same chemistry
that Bennett and I have.
She's a good-looking girl. For real.
Her and Bennett, that little devil,
they're a match made in heaven.
Well, let's see if they are.
Time for the main event.
What does Emma's Californian beach baboon
look like after a haircut and a nose job?
And will their animal attraction
be ignited in the Tunnel of Love
as Emma and Bennett meet face-to-face
for the very first time?
Oh, my God!
He's got more hair now
than when he had the mask on.
- Hi
- Hi!
Oh, my God.
Bennett is super attractive.
So hot.
She's so gorgeous. 100% my type.
As soon as I saw her,
that was it.
We'll probably need
a little privacy right now.
So, I definitely made the right decision,
and I'm really excited
to see where it goes from here.
I'll never forget this experience.
This doesn't end here for me and Emma.
I know it doesn't.
Like, it's amazing.
Fairy-tale ending, really.
I could do it all night.
Yeah, we got that impression.
- Let's go. I got what I came for.
- Let's go.
How's that happen?
You break your heart on the date.
I make mistakes in life.
I want James to question
this moment for the rest of his life.
We'll never know
how good it could've been.
I need a second to cry.