Smash s01e01 Episode Script

Hey.
Yep.
Where are you? Yeah, thanks.
That's all we need.
What'd he say? Yeah, I'm right here.
Ivy Lynn.
Hi, you guys.
So Do you want the ballad or the up-tempo first? They kept me waiting for almost an hour.
And then the director took a call In the middle of my audition.
No.
It did not go well.
Is this all the mail? I was gone a week.
This is all the mail I got? I took out the junk mail and put the magazines over there.
- So this is the real mail? - Yeah.
That is so cute You took out the junk And left the real mail.
Where did you hide the tea? I rearranged.
There's a tea drawer here.
And there's also macaroni and cheese and meatloaf In the oven.
Macaroni and cheese? You were on a long flight.
I thought, you know, Coming home to comfort, food would be nice.
I'm going to go unpack that.
Can you believe this? He wants to unpack my suitcase.
You don't have to unpack his suitcase.
I don't mind.
I have a new assistant, And he made me macaroni and cheese.
I'm happy for you.
I'm happy for me too.
And so cute.
- My God.
- Straight.
So straight.
You don't know that.
He made a tea drawer.
Did you see this? They're going ahead with My Fair Lady? Derek Wills.
- God.
- Come on, You know he's a terrific director.
Don't even.
I mean, Don't even! Sorry, sorry.
Okay.
Revivals and movies.
Why doesn't anyone do new musicals anymore? New book, new songs? We write new musicals.
I thought we were taking a break.
We are.
I'm just saying, you know, in general Let me get that out of your way.
- You were looking at that? - Yeah, I hope that's okay.
Of course, it's okay.
When you houses it for someone, You're allowed to read the books.
He likes Marilyn Monroe.
Isn't that interesting? Poor Marilyn.
So beautiful and tragic.
I think she'd make a great musical.
- We tried it it was a - Huge flop.
Besides, everyone's doing her now.
There's a Marilyn movie, diaries.
You know what? There's an app for the iPad now.
You blow on it and the skirt goes up.
Goes Doesn't that mean people like her? Yes, it means that, but that doesn't mean She'd make a good musical.
Well, I like Wicked and Jersey Boys.
Who'd have thought Those would be good musicals? She married Joe Dimaggio.
You could do a baseball number.
I didn't get it.
- I told you already.
- I told my agent I'm not sexy enough I'm the girl next door.
Come hang out with me at the mayor's office.
You'll be plenty sexy there.
Everyone will stare.
They won't get any work done.
Why do I have to be sexy all the time? I wish I was fat.
Plus I'm hungry.
I'm going to start eating more.
- Good.
Here.
- And plus I'm light.
That's what they keep saying.
"They think that you're light.
" Now what does that mean? That means you're skinny.
Karen, You got two tables up front.
Sorry.
Kiss.
Mwah.
I'm home.
- Hey, Hon.
- Hey.
- How's Tom? - Good.
Hired a new assistant.
Very gung ho.
Why didn't he pick Tom up at the airport? Tom only likes me to drive him, you know that.
The adoption agency called.
They want to schedule a time for us to meet With the social worker.
Isn't that fast? Thought adoption was slow.
It's like the theater.
Some parts are fast Overall it's slow.
So check it out The new assistant boy had this big idea.
Hey, Leo.
When I say "Marilyn," What do you think? Baltimore.
Baltimore, Maryland.
Okay.
Think a person.
Marilyn the person.
Marilyn Manson.
Which would be my point.
Marilyn Monroe.
Who's Marilyn Monroe? Marilyn The Musical? You and Tom are taking a break, I thought.
I'm not talking about us, I'm just talking in the abstract.
You just said Marilyn The Musical.
Like, Marilyn The Musical.
I didn't say it likeanything.
I said it like it's not a bad idea If someone were looking for ideas, Which you are not.
- Well, how would you do it? - For crying out loud.
Don't get mad at me! You just said that I don't know.
You could do scenes From the movies.
You could have a big group theater number.
You could have a baseball number.
That's what Tom said.
That's great mom, I will.
Okay, see you.
Give love to dad.
They're coming to visit next weekend.
Isn't that great? It is.
I like your parents.
Me too.
I do.
- You worried? - Me? No, no.
No.
Three nos.
And very high nos.
It's just come on.
You know they have a hard time in New York.
- But they want to see you.
- Dev.
The last time they were here, they spent two days Trying to convince me to move back to Iowa.
Yeah, it was a bit like an intervention.
Totally.
I'm so looking forward to this.
- What are you doing? - I'm just Just watching a movie.
Well, don't stay up all night.
I won't.
What's what? That.
Just a little going away present.
Real diamonds.
They must be worth their weight in gold.
Are you always this generous? - Hey.
- Hey.
How are you? I'm sorry.
Hello, hello, hello.
Hey.
- Can I just be right there? - Sure.
Hi, hi.
Good to see you.
- I'm right here.
- Okay.
Ivy.
Hi, hi.
Tom! What are you doing here? I just got back from London.
Opening up the West End Production.
Are they as good as us? Of course not.
- Hey, Tom.
- Hi! - Dennis.
- I remembered.
No, you didn't.
Did you get it? Ivy stop, they fine you for that.
Hey! Hi.
You got by me So fast downstairs, I didn't get a chance Are you okay? I'm fine.
What happened? Nothing.
I I had an audition this morning.
I didn't get it.
Ivy, you want to leave us? Tom, you know I love the show.
I love you.
The ensemble, not so much? I just want a part.
I trained.
I'm a trained I'm not complaining.
Just dreaming.
Yeah, like everybody.
No, of course, call Ivy.
She'll be great.
You're going to wear that? You say that, Tom.
But then you get all You get all impatient.
If we don't cut it now, I'm going To have to listen to you whine for weeks.
Then we should do it because Iwant to do it.
I want to do it tomorrow.
I will call Ivy.
Bye.
He does whine.
I love him, but He whines.
You're cutting a demo? For what? For the The Marilyn thing.
You're doing that? We wrote one song, just to - Just to what? - Well, Tom wanted We are in the middle of an adoption.
Visit from the social worker, Interviews at the agency, Criminal checks.
How does writing one song You said that you would take the whole year off so that we could do this.
- You're so overreacting.
- I'm not overreacting.
When you're in production, you are never here.
You're out all night.
Leo and I go for days without seeing you Days! It's not a musical.
It's one song.
Then why can't Tom do it with someone else? You know what she said in her last interview? She said, "please don't make a joke out of me.
" The way they treated her That's not even it.
There was just There was something about her.
How much she wanted to love and be loved.
She glows with it.
Reminds me of a saint.
I don't want anyone else to do her.
I hate the theater, I really do.
Leo, What are you doing home? It's Tuesday You have jazz band.
The social worker is coming over.
He came home early so he could meet her So wecan convince her that we are a good family.
They don't let just anybody adopt.
That's what I was trying to tell you.
I thought maybe you'd want to change your clothes So that you could look nice for the social worker.
And there she is.
That would be her.
There she is.
Yes.
She's going to like us no matter what I'm wearing.
And I do want this baby.
I love you both.
We are a fantastic family.
And it's going to be fine.
Yeah, but shouldn't somebody answer the door? - Hi.
- Hi.
- Come on in.
- How are you? Thank you.
- Hello, hello.
- Hi.
- I'm so glad to see you Mrs - Mrs.
Walters.
- Rene.
- I am I'm so sorry, I'm a little behind today.
I was just going to run upstairs and change.
No, no.
It's fine.
I know how busy you must be.
I-I saw your play last month On Broadway.
I loved it.
Can I get you some tea? - Yes, I-I love tea.
- Sure.
Right this way.
I'm sorry I'm late.
We had to have our birth certificates notarized For this adoption.
And I couldn't tell them To hurry it up, because I didn't want To get into another fight with my husband About Marilyn The Musical, Since I'm not supposed to be doing Marilyn The Musical.
Go on, it's sounds amazing.
Well, Ivy is a blinding genius.
It's easy to make you guys sound good.
Yeah, it's easy to make us sound bad too.
Ellis! Can you please get me some tea? Sure.
You're happy.
I'm glad we're doing this.
I really am.
I've got her in B-flat.
I wanted to keep it in a Marilyn key.
We weren't sure how much belt you wanted.
Well, there needs to be some size at But it doesn't have to be a full belt.
It could be a mix.
Okay.
You okay? Sure.
Why wouldn't I be? You're sitting up very straight.
Posture is important to my dad.
He's right.
Looks incredible when you do that.
Off and running.
- Mom! Hi! - Sweetie! Ho.
Dev.
- Roger.
- Daddy.
- Hi, honey.
- So good to see you.
Dev, you really are the handsomest thing.
Why can't you get her to marry you? - I'm working on it.
- Okay, Both of you stop it right now.
Thank you.
So, Dev, How are things going for you, down at the mayor's office? Well, you know, budgets are still tight.
Municipal government Thankless job.
No, no, no.
I didn't mean to imply that.
No, new yorkers are so passionate about their city.
It's really rather inspiring.
Don't get him started.
He loves it down there.
New York is like the promised land to him.
Yeah, and to you too.
My goodness.
I'm sorry Midwest.
You know, the prices are different.
But I'm sure the food here Is delicious.
I'm taking you, mom.
- That's not necessary.
- I know it's not necessary.
But I want to.
Karen, We know what kind of money you make.
You're a waitress.
I'll pay for dinner.
She's an actress, not a waitress.
You don't have to tell me that.
She did «The Sound Of Music in high school.
Everybody talked about it for weeks.
What a voice! Who knew that meant all this.
Okay, I'm not getting into this again, dad.
No, sweetie, we're not getting into anything.
We're just so happy to see you.
I'm happy to see you too.
He worries.
- Mom.
- No, it's so competitive, And all that rejection, So we worry, of course we worry.
Well, sometimes dreams are hard.
And sometimes, sweetie, dreams just don't mix with reality.
That's why it's so extraordinary When someone like Karen follows her heart.
She has so much courage.
I think she's a star.
You posted a private recording session online.
I didn't.
You were the only one who could have! This is a disaster.
Michael Riedel's going to destroy us.
Why? Does he hate you? Who is he? He's a Napoleonic Little Nazi who works for the post.
- You're fired! Is he fired? - What? Yes, he's fired.
You're fired! I didn't do it.
I just I emailed it to my mother.
It's everywhere.
Those idiotic theater blogs.
I hate everyone who writes theater blogs.
- Okay, some of it is - I don't want to know! My God, this sucks! It gets out too fast.
And then everyone just rushes to judgment beforewe even have a first draft! Riedel.
Riedel started going after Spider-Man Before they even started previews He was already attacking everyone.
Before they even started maiming people.
Yeah, I know, I know.
You didn't want me to do it.
And you know, Fine, you were right.
It's just a complete waste of time.
- Riedel picked it up.
- Of course he did! Little creep.
Tom called him a "Napoleonic Nazi.
" He's so right.
"Napoleonic Nazi.
" It's good, right? No, it's just, Riedel loves Marilyn.
He's a huge fan of you and Tom.
Thinks Heaven On Earthis the best musical on Broadway, In spite of its hideous title.
Thinks the number online is a smash.
You know, he's much smarter than people give him credit for.
Everyone gets so mad at him, But tells the truth.
This revised agreement is a joke.
I don't see anybody laughing.
Please, can we please just try to get through this? I'm trying to get through this.
But if you're going to be vindictive about it - Vindictive? - Unrealistic then.
You came into this marriage with nothing.
Except love.
Bringing up love at a divorce proceeding is childish.
Screwing every blonde who opens her legs for you is also childish.
I guess that makes both of us children.
Where are we? Unless we can come to an agreement on this, All assets, including the company, Go into escrow immediately.
I have been working on My Fair Lady For three years.
Do you really want to put a bullet in that? This doesn't have to destroy everything.
Come on, Jerry.
We had a lot of good years together.
Is this your version of begging, Eileen? Okay.
Everything goes into escrow.
I'll see you in court.
I brought croissants.
I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am.
I didn't know what I was doing was No.
I'm sorry.
I did know it was wrong.
I took the video.
I stole it.
That's exactly what you did.
I was just so excited to be here To be a part of this, even in such a trivial way.
Not that helping you guys is trivial.
Far from it.
I just In high school, I worked props for Three On A Match.
That was our first hit.
It wasn't actually a hit.
It had a respectable run.
I felt happy Even just being backstage.
I don't know I felt whole.
We've you know, we've been working on Marilyn.
- You have? - Tom.
It's rough, but it'd be great to have your input.
After all, it was your idea.
Tom! We have an outline.
And three songs.
We do? Is that the baseball number? Give me your cell phone.
Eileen, we just started working on this.
Well, that's why I called.
I want this project, and everyone's going to think it's too early.
Who do you want to direct? We're still working on, um, the songs.
And the book is all over the place.
Because Derek Wills is available.
Great! Or I could just gouge my own eyes out.
You know, Tom worked with him a while ago, And it was not a great experience.
We're so hard on each other in this business.
But let me tell you, he has mellowed considerably.
He would have had to have a complete personality change, as well as a sex change, for me to even consider it.
- Well - Don't "well.
" Don't even "well.
" Well, well, what? Well, he's really talented, Tom.
You know what? A lot of people are talented.
We are in an industry which is lousy with talent.
Is it too much to ask for kindness too? Am I a crazy person because I still expect people to be, If not lovely, at least civil, in this terrible business? Let's just have him take a look at the material.
See if anything sparks.
If it does, he'll show us one number.
So he'll audition.
- I don't want him to audition.
- So you don't think It would be fun to watch Derek crawl? Yes, actually, that might be fun.
- I'll give him a call.
- No, Eileen, hang on.
Look, we're really flattered.
It's so encouraging to have someone respond To to what we're doing in such a positive way.
But aren't you The word on the street That your divorce has complicated things for you and a lot of your projects.
Jerry's being Jerry, And we're going our separate ways, but rumors of my death have been vastly exaggerated.
Marilyn The Musical They've tried it.
It was a huge flop.
I think what we have will entice you.
I want to do My Fair Lady.
Marilyn was the American Eliza Doolittle.
And she comes without strings, unlike My Fair Lady, which is in escrow along with my divorce.
Tom Levitt He's a nightmare.
Let's just try one number, see if everyone can get along.
I'm sorry, They want me to audition? You've got to be kidding me.
No, they don't want you at all I want you.
Eileen, be real.
For me to audition, Marilyn herself would have to pop out of that envelope And do me right here.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Okay, Manuel, right.
You need to get to this point here On the beat of the music, right before she sings.
Hit that clean.
- You ready? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hang on a sec.
- Hey, darling.
- Hi, love.
Thanks for doing this.
It's my pleasure.
It's great to see you, Tom.
You look terrific Lost some weight.
Okay, so just imagine She's in a red dress, They're in baseball uniforms.
Should we take a look? Fellas! Yeah? - Fellas! - Is it? - Hey, team! - Off the benches, it's Marilyn! That's the team bull pen.
And I like the odds I'm seeing No girls, all men.
Peanuts! Hot dogs! Cracker Jack! I don't care, I don't care if I ever get back! That was great! That was so great! Wasn't that amazing? No, it's good.
It's good.
That was great, guys.
Thank you so much.
That was terrific.
Well done, well done.
It was amazing getting a chance to work with you.
Yeah.
Thanks.
I thought it was great, Ivy.
Derek, Derek, thank you.
Thank you so much.
It was, amazing Just beautiful work.
Sure.
Come on.
- You guys were delicious.
- Thanks.
- Just spectacular.
- Yeah, thanks.
So rude.
That's all he said to Ivy, "yeah, thanks.
" - "Thanks" is rude? - It's the way he said it.
"Yeah, thanks.
" Well, it's more than you said to him.
She did us this huge favor.
How much did we pay her to do all this work? - Nothing.
- That's right.
He can't Okay, what did you think of the work, Tom? Because I'll tell you, I thought it was brilliant.
Fine.
It was brilliant.
He did spectacular work on the song.
I've already conceded that the work is brilliant.
So what? So what? Julia, please, I love this project.
I love you.
I just don't want to put it or you or me In danger.
How is it dangerous? You know the history.
I am not making this up.
He is a terrible human being! - The guy's a nightmare.
- There is a certain lack Of chemistry between you and Tom.
All that fawning over the actress.
Gay men piss me off.
That's an unfortunate position to take in the American theater.
- Tell me about it.
- Julia's on board.
Give me till the end of the week.
You haven't got till the end of the week, Eileen.
I got a phone call today From your soon-to-be ex-husband.
- Really.
Yeah, he's working with Lionsgate.
Apparently, they've got a film I'd be perfect for.
Don't threaten me.
I'll put in a call to George tonight.
Eileen, why are you rushing this? Workshops have been started with less than a completed show.
It'll give us an idea of what we've got.
And you can prove you're not out of the game.
I'm not out of the game, and I don't have to prove it.
Francine Karlin? I should have dressed up.
You don't need to dress up, 'cause you're talented.
- I'm "light.
" - We don't even know What that means.
I can't do sex.
Marilyn wasn't about the sex.
She was all about love.
Think of love.
Okay? Slow down now, momma.
I see her.
Yeah, baby.
Just great.
Thanks Lisa.
What about Scarlett Johansson? Why isn't she on the list? We're talking to her people.
- Kristin Chenoweth? - I discovered her.
This isn't her part.
Maybe we could maybe offer it to someone who we know Who is great, even though she's not famous.
Just a thought.
Ivy Lynn is coming in.
Which I don't even think she should have to, But she said she would.
She's really being a trooper about this.
I don't need a trooper, Tom, I need an icon.
Look, guys, I love the songs.
The book needs work.
You don't honestly think I would be here If I didn't think you had something.
But without a Marilyn, you've got nothing.
Ivy really will be terrific.
Ivy? You in there? Just a minute! Are you okay? Ivy's going to be a minute, so Karen Cartwright is next.
Karen? Hi.
Hello, Karen.
How refreshing.
You're the only girl we've seen today who didn't come as Marilyn.
What do you have for us? Thank you.
Okay.
Thanks.
I got a call back.
All right.
Okay.
Wait, so here's what they said now.
They liked that I didn't play the sex, But now they want me to play the sex.
Does this make any sense? Bring the bottle.
You need something to accentuate your breasts.
Marilyn was obsessed with her breasts.
Don't you mean everybody else was obsessed with her breasts? Well, they were.
And she was too.
Hey, mom.
I just wanted to call and say "guess what?" I got a call-back for Marilyn.
Marilyn Monroe.
Yes, mom, I told you about this.
They're making a musical about her, And they want meto play Marilyn.
Well, I mean, not I'm still auditioning.
But it's it's exciting, so I'm just kind of excited.
No, I didn't hear that Jimmy was doing that.
I-I knew that things weren't going so well At the dealership, but Night school, that's That's That's great.
I love this.
Watch this, Where she leans in and leads with her breasts.
Yeah.
Come on, do it again, only no laughing.
You should laugh, But laugh at me, not at yourself.
- But why am I laughing at you? - 'Cause you adore me.
- I do adore you.
- Good.
Watch what she does now.
Okay.
Now what do I do? I lean in and get your glasses all steamed up? But you don't have any glasses.
What are we going to do? Stop it, we're working.
I am.
I'm working.
You're not giving yourself a chance.
Don't fight it.
Relax.
How am I doing? Might need more work.
You know what we should do tomorrow night? The one Where they're making out in the ocean.
From Here To Eternity.
That was Deborah Kerr.
So? What? What? I wasn't sure you'd make it.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I just got the text Okay.
Place is a mess, sorry.
No, it's beautiful.
My schedule's turned into a bit of a nightmare.
- Lionsgate want to get me on a plane at 8:00 in the morning.
Then I have to turn around and get myself back here For the call-backs on Friday.
Well, I really, really appreciate your taking the time.
Look, obviously We're very serious about you for this.
I thought it was terrific the way you came in without doing her.
It's not going to get you past the next round.
But I thought it was hilarious.
Your resume's light.
It's the resume.
People kept saying "light.
" I didn't I didn't know what "light" meant.
It means you're a bit green.
So was Marilyn.
Yes, but no one would have hired Marilyn to play Marilyn in the beginning.
Well, that would have been their mistake, wouldn't it? Okay.
So you're great-looking and your voice is first-rate.
But let me be blunt.
You come for a private meeting with the director At 10:00 at night, dressed Well Marilyn would never come To a man's house at 10:00 at night Well, as soon as I got the message Do you even know why you're here? - Because you called me.
- I called you to give you A chance to work with me privately.
- Why? - How old are you? - 24.
- Well, by the time she was 24, Marilyn had already done The Asphalt Jungle And All About Eve.
Maybe you should care a little bit less about why, And a little bit more about catching up.
No, I do, I do.
I was Working on my audition tonight, actually.
Okay.
What were you doing? My boyfriend was helping me understand her.
- And how was that? - How was it? Yes, what was he doing to help you understand? We were doing Some Like It Hot.
Okay, let's take a look.
You want to see it right now? Darling, I need to see everything you've got.
And enough of this scared bird routine.
It's a starting place.
But it only got Marilyn so far.
Come on.
Come on.
Excuse me.
God.
Not going to happen.
Tom! Where are you? Come on, we're late for call-backs.
Again.
Again.
Look, we can't just keep going over and over and over the same question.
They're both beautiful girls.
So? I can't hand this over to a complete neophyte.
Not without more information.
Let's make ourselves a Marilyn.
Still feels like Marilyn.
How do you know what she feels like? I am the same as you.
You were all beginners, too.
And I am good.
That girl has chops.
What a great voice? She's a star.
What's this Marilyn thing I keep hearing about? It's none of your business.
Where are you getting the money? Would you get out of my booth? No one is gonna buy it.
I want to go back to work.
And what about the adoption? You have your writing.
All I have is the waiting.
I can't wait anymore.
Action! It's Ivy's part.
She has Marilyn's soul.
She has her body.
She looks like Marilyn.
I thought Karen's dancing was good.
She might be green, but she's certainly trained.
Ivy can act, she can dance, and she has Broadway experience.
Experience is precisely what we're not looking for.
In fact, innocence, that freshness, is very Marilyn.
Yeah, I know what I bring to the party.
I could have slept with him.
You're not that good in bed either.
Okay.
I fired you once, I can do it again.
And then we'll see if it sticks because it kinda didn't the last time.
Did it? Don't get ahead of yourself.
I'm worried about money.
I can cover us.
I don't know if I'm ready for that.
Julia, hi.
Show's great, I'm in.
See ya.
Where's the money? We are trying to figure that out.
Your husband is very clever.
Karen, show her how to do this.
So you feel good about our choice? There's a broken heart for every light on Broadway.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Marilyn