SMILF (2017) s01e01 Episode Script
A Box of Dunkies and Two Squirts of Maple Syrup
1 YING YANG TWINS' "WAI (THE WHISPER SONG)" Hey how you doin' lil' mama Let me whisper in your ear Tell ya something that you might like to hear Got a sexy ass body and your ass looks soft Mind if I touch it to see if it's soft? Just wait till you see my dick Hey bitch wait till you see my dick Wait till you see my dick Hey bitch wait till you see my dick I'ma beat that pussy up Hey bitch wait till you see my dick Hey bitch wait till you see my dick I'ma beat that pussy up - [WHISTLE BLOWS.]
- [MAN.]
Game.
Hey, good game out there.
You got that scrappy game, I dig it.
Thanks.
So, you wanna run it back with us? You gonna give me a shot to, you know, redeem myself a little bit? I mean, if you really wanna embarrass yourself.
Oh, okay.
She's a little cocky.
- I like that, I like that.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [LARRY CRYING.]
- Yo, do you hear that? What? That kid keeps crying.
I'll be right back.
- Hi, did you just wake up? - [BABBLES.]
Hey, Larry, I just need you to play it cool, okay? Okay.
Okay, come on, let's go.
Come on, let's go.
[SMOOCHES.]
Come here.
- All right.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- This kid? - Yeah.
So, what are you, like, his nanny, or Oh, I'm, uh his mom.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Mommy.
[CHUCKLES.]
All right.
- He's a cute kid.
- Oh See you out there, scrappy.
Run it back! Okay.
I'm Bridgette.
Maybe we can go for a drink later.
Okay, cool.
- You wanna go on the slide? - Yeah.
Me too.
UPBEAT BRASS MUSIC [BRIDGETTE.]
Here you go.
Hey, you.
- Hey, you.
- [LAUGHS.]
Hey, you.
[LIVELY OLDIES PLAYS ON STEREO.]
Hey, you.
You did this to me.
[BABBLES.]
You did this to me.
Daddy, I'm ready for my pajamas.
Oh, squeaky [IMITATES AIRPLANE DRONING.]
Hey.
- [LARRY.]
That's the sun.
- [RAFI.]
The sun.
And the sun is hot - Right? - Yeah.
Okay.
Let's do your prayers, okay? Prayer time.
Ready? [PRAYING IN SPANISH.]
Are you listening? Are you listening to me? - Listen to me.
- [LAUGHS.]
What are you doing? [RAFI PRAYING IN SPANISH.]
Uh, knock it off.
Come on, there's no praying in this house.
- We'll visit your mom in hell.
- Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha.
- [LARRY CRYING.]
Mommy.
- Shh, it's okay, I'm here.
- [CRYING.]
- [SHUSHING.]
[SINGING SOFTLY.]
Baby Larry boy [BRIDGETTE CONTINUES SINGING SOFTLY.]
Larry boy At least we did something right.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Where you going? - I gotta go.
You don't wanna watch something? I would, but I can't.
- Not tonight, maybe tomorrow.
- [SIGHS.]
All right.
Go have fun fucking whoever you're fucking.
- Have fun fucking yourself.
- Thank you - The best part of my day.
- You should get out more.
I'm telling you, I'll babysit for you.
- Okay, okay.
- [RAFI.]
All right? - I love you.
- Love you.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
SMOOTH INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC [VIBRATOR HUMS.]
[MAN.]
I fell madly in love with you today, scrappy.
[BRIDGETTE.]
I knew it.
- So did all these other dudes.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
That's so cool.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Yes.
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Yeah [GASPING.]
Why do you look like that? Are you sure I'm in? Yes.
You couldn't be more in.
[VIBRATOR HUMS.]
[VIBRATOR SILENCES.]
[SIGHS.]
SLOW DYNAMIC MUSIC I hear Sally sold her house down on 8th street.
Yeah, just cash.
She didn't even wanna sell the place.
Uh, what could she do? You know, they are edging us out there.
[WALLY.]
It's not what it used to be, I'll tell you that.
- Yeah.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Hey, Wally.
- Bridge - Hi.
- Oh - [WALLY.]
Just say the word.
[BRIDGETTE.]
You're such a tease, Wally.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Thank you.
- You look tired.
- What? - [TUTU.]
You look tired.
I am tired.
All right, go to Tutu.
- [TUTU.]
Come here, baby.
- [SNEEZES.]
Ugh.
- [TUTU.]
Gesundheit.
- Oh.
Thank you.
All right, I gotta go to work.
Yeah, why don't you come in for a little bit of grilled cheese? I can't, I'm gonna be late.
- [TUTU.]
Oh really? - Yeah.
[TUTU.]
It's not like Ally's going anywhere.
I mean, she is the saddest woman I have ever met.
- Mm-hm.
- [TUTU.]
I was thinking we could take Larry, we go down to Joseph's, we get him a cookie, you know? Because I think he really needs to feel loved.
He does feel loved.
I know.
I'm just saying, with Rafi, the relapse, and all.
Mom, he's been sober for over a year, okay? I mean, he does bedtime every night.
Oh, really? Well, he shows up for, what, a whole ten minutes? [GROANS.]
It's not nothing to brag about.
Oh, jeez, look at this.
Yuptown USA.
- [BOTH.]
Hi! - [TUTU.]
Hi.
Come on, Bridgette.
Get inside before they come over here.
Let's get in the house.
Come on.
- I gotta go.
- Come on, Bridgette.
[CAR DOORS CLOSING.]
- You got donuts? - I got donuts.
- [ENGINE TURNS OVER.]
- I got dunkies.
Come on.
- Okay, fine.
- You know, I got this new vacuum that's like a robot thing.
I saw it on TV.
It's kinda shitty, but I like it.
It's like magical science.
It, like, follows the dirt around, Bridge, and then it, I don't know, it just sucks it right up.
I don't know how they do it.
It was on sale, like, on the TV.
- That's really cool, Mom.
- Thanks.
Um, I have this audition tomorrow - Oh, yeah? - I found off Craigslist.
- Mm.
- Can you watch Larry at 9:00? No, 'cause I have to take Joe to the doctor.
[JOE.]
We got any more Tostitos? No, honey, Bridgette ate them all yesterday.
- [JOE GROANS.]
- I didn't eat 'em all.
It was just the dust left.
[JOE.]
That's the best part.
- He likes the dust.
- I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Hey, honey, you want me to do lines with you? No, no, it's okay.
It's just a PSA.
No? Are you done with this? - Finished? - Yeah.
- [TUTU.]
I'll take it.
- Okay, see you later.
[TUTU.]
All right.
Mm-hmm.
I'll meet you at Joseph's then, for sure.
Okay, give me a kiss.
Give me a kiss.
- [SMOOCHES.]
- Oh, that's a good boy.
[BABBLES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Aww.
What are you, uh, opening an Italian restaurant? [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, I might.
It's a brand new housemaker.
Are you judging me for that, though? Curious.
Was that was that a little dig there? - No.
- 'Cause it's a lot of money, - but it's my money, right? - Yeah, it's your money.
Yeah, you shouldn't be talking to me about money - Okay.
- Right? Can you not act crazier than Larry please? Don't you fucking call me crazy.
Mm.
Have fun with your grandson, okay? [SPORTS COMMENTATOR SPEAKING ON TV.]
Bye, Joe.
Tell you, the mouth on that kid.
You all right, sweetheart? - Mm-hmm, yeah, I'm okay.
- I'll get you some chips.
Larry, come with Tutu.
We're doing coupons.
Pray for your baby.
Pray for your baby [SCANNER BEEPING.]
- [WOMAN.]
Here comes the swab.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Okay.
[MOANS.]
[WOMAN.]
All right.
[EXHALES.]
- There we go.
All done.
- [EXHALES.]
Um, where would you say mine falls exactly? - Like, on the spectrum.
- Completely normal.
Um, but I just mean in terms of circumference? With, uh, general aesthetics, - uh, just like how - [WOMAN.]
No Vaginas are elastic.
Um, imagine my mouth is a vagina.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Mm-hmm.
- Uh, if I were to stretch my mouth, like, a million times, - like, to my ears - Mm-hm.
it would always go back to normal.
Yeah, but Larry had a really big head.
Does sex not feel good anymore? Is that what it is? I haven't had sex since before he was born.
Listen, take my advice.
Go out there, have fun.
- [WOMAN.]
Go have sex.
- With who? Just find somebody.
Have a great time.
- Make sure it's protected.
- [GROANS.]
It's so hard for me to do that.
[WOMAN.]
Okay, I can't have this conversation with you.
- Just have protected sex.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Okay, thank you.
Mm-hmm.
And make sure you do your kegels.
What? What? Why would you tell me to do my kegels? Because you should.
Wait, what did you see up there? No, seriously, what did you see up there? RELAXING DYNAMIC MUSIC Excuse me.
[CHLOE.]
"Houses of Parliament," Monet 1899 oil on canvas.
"Houses of Parliament," Monet, 1899, oil on canvas.
Chloe, you're so smart.
Well, I saw it on our trip to London last year.
That's cool.
- Was it fun? - Well, yeah, it was London.
I I've never been to London.
All right, what's this? L'Origine du Monde Courbet, oil on canvas 1905.
- Oh, shit.
- [ALLY.]
Girls, I made tea.
Come do your homework in here.
Can we just stay here and keep going, please? - [ALLY.]
You coming? I have - You should go talk to her.
Chamomile, rooibos, and - I'll take rooibos.
- you got it.
Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry I didn't say hi sooner.
I got stuck on a call with my mom's oncologist, who just talk, talk, talk, talk, talks.
You know, I think he's just one of those people who wants a friend.
What are you guys up to? How's it going? [BRIDGETTE.]
She has an AP test tomorrow, art history.
Oh, my gosh, is that what you're studying in school? This is why Rivers is addicted to porn.
Look at that vagina, though.
It's, like, strangely small.
Like, is that how they used to be in the olden days? That's what mine used to look like.
- [ALLY.]
Before Casey was born.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Really? Yeah, and then it boom.
I mean, by the time baby Scott came along, it was so blown out, I sneezed, and he just fell right out of me, right out.
Did you notice it getting progressively bigger, Casey, Chloe, and Rivers and then Scott? - Okay, just freeze, freeze - [ALLY.]
Pretty much.
- It was just so stretched - freeze, Mom It just there was no progress.
There was no place to go.
Is having a big vagina something I have to worry about? - Mm-hmm.
- [ALLY.]
No.
No, no.
You do not have to worry about this.
This is not for you to worry about.
Hey, um, Bridge, do you know Nelson Rose Taylor? - What? - How did you get my phone? Uh, it was charging on the nightstand, so I just unplugged it and took it.
I said no phones for the whole week - Okay, look - because of the porn.
Hard Nipples Nelson, college sportscaster.
This is your baby daddy, right? No, he dates, like, hundreds of girls.
- I'm sure it's not serious.
- [RIVERS.]
He's fucking lucky.
Rivers, get upstairs.
[SIGHS.]
- Hard Nipples Nelson? - [ALLY.]
Oh, she's very pretty.
Very pretty.
SYNTH POP MUSIC What the fuck? Well, you know, do you want to take an extra? You take an extra.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Tutu! Ah, shit, I'm in trouble.
- Hey.
- Hey, look! It's Joe's nephew! Ah, forget it.
I gotta go.
I can see him from there.
[TUTU.]
He has his tablet.
What are you watching? - You're gonna hey, hey.
- [CRYING.]
You're gonna get cavities.
Hey.
Okay, fine.
Where the eff is your dad? - [WHINING.]
- [GROANS.]
Out of towels.
Okay, okay.
[CRYING.]
Ready, one, two, three.
All right.
Almost done.
We gotta text Daddy.
Okay, where is he? You need wanna go to bed? I know.
[SMOOCHES.]
Here.
One fell off and hit her head.
[GASPS.]
No more monkeys jumping on the bed.
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Larry, ouch.
Larry - [CRYING.]
- Best friends Best friends Best friends Forever [DOOR OPENS.]
[BRIDGETTE SHUSHING.]
- You okay, baby? - [BRIDGETTE.]
Hey, he's asleep.
Don't wake him.
Bridge you cannot text me, "Larry 911" if it's not Larry 911, okay? I thought he fell out the window, and I was gonna yell at you, because I told you to fix the window.
Okay, I am sorry.
You haven't missed bedtime in a while, and I thought you died.
[EXHALES.]
I'm gonna miss bedtime sometimes, okay? Well, now that you're here, do you wanna just, I don't know, watch a movie or something? - I stole my neighbor's Wi-Fi.
- I would, but I really thought this was an emergency, and I got somebody in the car.
Oh, nipple girl? It's okay, I already know.
I I was gonna tell you.
You know I was gonna tell you.
- It's just - I know.
It's fine.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- I get it.
- Really? - Yeah, just [RAFI.]
Really, Bridge? You mean that? You can't leave her in the car like a dog.
Come on, I wanna meet her.
No, no, no, no, that would be weird.
No, it's weirder to leave her in the car.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi, I'm Bridgette.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Hello, I'm Nelson.
- Wow, it's - So nice to finally meet you.
- Yeah.
Hey, baby.
- [NELSON.]
Hey.
- Hey, babe.
Is everything okay? Um, oh, yeah, he he's fine.
[RAFI.]
Yeah, everything's good.
Larry just had a fever, but it broke, so - he's sleeping now.
- That's good.
Yeah.
It's so nice to meet you.
[NELSON.]
It's so good to meet you too.
You look so different than in your photos.
It's like like a gritty quality.
I like it.
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, thank you.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
I I try.
[DISTANT DOG BARKING.]
Um, were you really named after Nelson Mandela? Yeah.
Yeah, I was.
Actually, it's a really great, you know, daily reminder to sort of give back and stay humble, and, you know, he was a great man, so Is the Rose after Rosa Parks? - Oh - Oh - [BOTH LAUGH.]
- [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
I can't believe Rafi's kept me from you.
Are you kidding? He's such a pussy.
- He is, isn't he? [GIGGLES.]
- He is, yeah.
Since when have I been a pussy? - Just a lit just a little.
- When? - [NELSON.]
I like it.
- It's your best quality.
- [RAFI.]
You like it? - [LARRY.]
Daddy? - [LARRY.]
Are you there? - [GASPS.]
Larry, Hi.
[NELSON.]
Hi, you remember me? Oh, you little sicky bear.
- You feeling any better? - [BRIDGETTE.]
Hi, baby.
[NELSON.]
Hi.
Oh, yeah, go to Mama.
You met Larry? Yeah.
Oh, he's just the sweetest.
Really, I mean, you're doing a really, really great job with him.
It's really impressive, and, um, it must be really hard to share him.
Oh, no, it's not.
Wanna say goodnight to Dada? [GIGGLES.]
Goodnight, Larry.
- Goodnight, baby.
- Aww, you're mad at him? Mm.
Okay, um, goodnight.
It was so nice to meet you.
[NELSON GIGGLES.]
[RAFI.]
We're still cool, right? Oh, yeah.
Wicked cool.
Mommy COVER OF "DON'T LET THE SUN CATCH YOU CRYING" Don't let the sun Catch you crying The night's the time For all your tears Your heart may be broken tonight But tomorrow in the morning light Don't let the sun Catch you crying Don't let the sun Catch you crying Don't let the sun catch you crying No no Oh oh oh Princess Nokia's "Tomboy" Who that is hoe? That girl is a tomboy that girl is a tomboy [VIBRATOR BUZZING.]
Who that is hoe? That girl is a tomboy that girl is a tomboy That girl is a tomboy With my little titties and my phat belly I could take your man if you finna let me It's a guarantee that he won't forget me - My body little my soul is heavy - [MOANING.]
My little titties be booking cities all around the world They be fucking with me I'm a Calvin Klein model Come and get me Step the resy up Don't be fucking with me who dat who dat who dat Princess Nokia Baby Phat I be where the ladies at yeah hoe Who that is hoe? That girls is a tomboy that girl is a tomboy That girl is a tomboy Who that is hoe? [MOANING.]
That girl is a tomboy that girl is a tomboy [GASPING.]
That girl is a tomboy that girl is a tomboy That girl is Mm.
[SIGHS.]
[EXHALES.]
BEIRUT'S "SANTA FE" [DISTANT DOG BARKING.]
La la la la la la la La la la la la la la La la la la la la la la [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Hey, excuse me, can I get a peanut butter brownie and then an Oreo brownie and a black and white cookie? - How much? - [WOMAN.]
$1.
25.
[BEEPING.]
And here we go.
And I'm gonna leave you a little tip, okay? [MUMBLING.]
[DOOR BELL JINGLES.]
[WOMAN.]
Thank you.
I wanna give you a little more.
Bridgette? Bridge.
- Je Jesse? - What are you doing here? It's, um you know what, it's Larry's birthday tomorrow, and so I just went to get him some goodies.
Oh, my God, you had a kid, and you named him Larry Bird.
Why? You think I should change it? - [CHUCKLES.]
- Oh, I You're a mother.
You are somebody's mom.
That is just nuts.
Sometimes, I have to look at myself on Facebook just to like you know $27.
25.
Um, here you go.
- It's so nice to see you.
- You too.
- Yes.
- Um You look great.
You look, uh homeless great.
[WOMAN.]
I'm sorry, it was declined.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
What? - Declined, your card, it I brought the wrong card.
I'm so this is cra I've this is the wrong card.
Um, you know what, will you just bag all my stuff? Here, keep my jacket as collateral.
- No, I got it.
Hey, here.
- No, no, no.
- No, no, what are you doing? - Take that right there.
Bridge, come on, take this right here.
Take this, please.
Happy birthday, Larry Bird, okay? You want this cookie? Yeah, I do want that cookie.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Um - [WOMAN.]
Here you go.
- That was good.
- Thank you so much.
- It's my pleasure.
- It's really nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.
- Oh, okay.
- Okay.
- Bye, Bridge.
- Bye! - Text me sometime! - Okay! La la la la la la la La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la Okay, you're okay.
[PHONE TRILLS.]
[PHONE TRILLS.]
Mm-mm.
Okay.
[PHONE TRILLS.]
Just kidding.
I'm sorry.
That's too much.
[PHONE TRILLS.]
[PHONE TRILLS.]
[GAGGING.]
[RETCHING.]
[GASPS, SLURPING.]
[GASPS, EXHALES.]
You stay asleep.
Just give me one hour.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Come in.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Uh, get naked.
No, get get naked.
- Oh yeah.
Um - Okay.
- All right.
- [CHUCKLES.]
It's good to see you.
This place is, um - It's cozy.
- Your dick is cozy.
Yeah [LAUGHS.]
Hey, remember your mom? How is she doing? She was always so mean to me, remember? - [GRUNTS.]
- Oh, yeah.
She's mean to everyone.
I can't believe, uh, you actually came.
Oh, um Well, uh, you invited me, but I can go.
- No, come on.
- Okay, yeah.
[GRUNTS, MUMBLES.]
Are you gonna rape me in this here field here, master? Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
I I'm sorry, Bridge.
I'm not really into the the role playing stuff, with, uh that one, in particular.
Not if I'm playing the master master probably Okay, let's just do this.
Come on - [JESSE.]
Okay, okay.
Yeah.
- Okay? [INHALES SHARPLY, EXHALES SLOWLY.]
We've always had such great sexual chemistry.
Yeah.
Where are you going? [JESSE.]
I think you know where I'm going.
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
Oh.
I see that you're still, uh - all-natural.
- Oui, oui.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
- Now where are you going? - I'm going over here.
[BRIDGETTE MOANS.]
- [JESSE MOANS.]
- Oh - Oh, man.
- Eesh, I don't know if you wanna be up there, eeh-kay? Um You know what? Really good right here.
Hang on, just right between the Hey, so, I'm totally willing to have sex with you.
Uh, I just need to know if my vagina's the same.
- The same? - Mm-hmm.
The same as what? Okay, I need to know if my pussy's been blown out.
So we need to focus.
I'm gonna lay down.
You're gonna put your dick in me, and you're gonna let me know.
- Okay? - Yes, ma'am.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
Let's just not even kiss.
- Let's just put it in.
- Okay.
Okay.
Cool, cool, cool, cool.
[JESSE GRUNTING.]
Oh, my God, a foot! Jesus Christ, a foot! [LAUGHS.]
Oh, it's just What what is that? What's g what is that? [LAUGHING.]
You just met my son.
He's been in the bed the whole time? - I tried to hide him.
- Oh, my God.
No, no, no, uh we can't I'm sorry.
[LAUGHING.]
Bridge, are you okay? What do you mean, am I okay? Um, you're living in a small room with a two-year-old.
I just got a little weirded out seeing your son on the bed while I was naked.
I When I saw you, I thought maybe there was something, uh, going on.
And and there's clearly not, and then that and that's okay.
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
I'm sorry it's like this.
This maybe we should probably just do this another time when he's not around.
Okay.
[SIGHING.]
[OBJECT THUDS.]
He's always around.
Yeah.
Um, I should go.
[SIGHS AND INHALES.]
It was nice to see you.
You too.
Um just for the record, you feel great.
Uh, down there.
[JESSE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY.]
Thanks.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[CRYING.]
[SOBS.]
[SOBBING.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY, SNIFFLES.]
[GASPS AND PANTS.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[EXHALES.]
SOLEMN MUSIC [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
[COOING.]
You waking me up? Are you waking me up? [BOTH LAUGHING.]
[SMOOCHING.]
Should I get up? [LAUGHS.]
- You wanna do jumps? - Yeah.
Okay.
[LAUGHS.]
Jump.
- Jump! - Jump.
Jump, jump, jump, jump.
Oh! [LAUGHS.]
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle! Do you want a breakfast? - [BABBLES.]
- Yes.
You wanna hold the bowl? Hot? Is it hot? I am sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- Okay.
I'm sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for doing stupid things.
- [BABBLES.]
- Fire truck.
Bridgette Bird.
Oh, Law and Order.
Guest star.
- Very legit.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Um, yeah.
I, uh, lived in New York for a minute.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
[MAN.]
That's my plan after I graduate.
You know, can't really have a film career here in Boston.
Just gotta shoot these shitty PSAs.
- You know.
- Yeah.
Hi, I'll be reading with you.
Just look into the lens.
- Please slate your name.
- Okay, hi.
I am Bridgette Bird.
SAG-AFTRA, no agent.
[MAN.]
Can you try it with a Southern accent? Okay.
"American soldiers risk their lives to protect ours, but they come home and fight a whole " Actually, can you just give me one second? Uh - Okay.
- "American soldiers risk their lives to protect ours, but then they come home and fight a whole new war.
20 percent of soldiers who fought in Iraq and Afghanistan are suffering today from PTSD.
" [INHALES SOFTLY.]
I, uh [INHALES.]
[HESITANT SOUTHERN ACCENT.]
Try to push it away.
[EXHALES.]
If I just don't think about it [SNIFFLES.]
Maybe it won't hurt as much.
But, uh [CRIES.]
And then, the nightmares [SNIFFLES.]
Uh, and the images, uh [SIGHS DEEPLY.]
I just I don't know how to live in this world anymore.
[SNIFFLES.]
- How was that? - [MAN.]
That was amazing.
- [LARRY COOS.]
- Ooh.
Oh, hi, it's okay.
Fake tears.
Sorry, usually he stays in his seat.
Well, um, thank you so much - for having me.
- [MAN.]
Yeah.
I really appreciate it.
[MAN.]
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Um Oh, you I can do it again.
[MAN.]
No, no, I don't I don't want you - He'll stay there.
- No, uh, no.
No, that was perfect.
Um I mean, yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah, let's cast you.
- Really? What? - [MAN.]
Really, really.
Really, I want to cast you.
The job is yours.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Wow.
- Yeah, how did you do that? - [INHALES.]
- [MAN.]
Have you been to war? No.
[LAUGHS.]
No, I haven't been to war.
[SNIFFLES.]
I was sexually abused by my dad, though.
Oh Which also causes PTSD.
So I guess I kind of have been to war.
My sister was raped in college.
- Really messed her up.
- Right.
See? There you go.
[INHALES.]
Oh, my God, I'm so excited.
What do you want? I want food and pussy how come? It's just the way God made me Is it all right? I guess it must be okay Hoo bop-bop-bop-bop Shenga-lenga-leng-leng What do you want? I want food and pussy how come? It's just the way God made me SupahSmaht.
- [MAN.]
Game.
Hey, good game out there.
You got that scrappy game, I dig it.
Thanks.
So, you wanna run it back with us? You gonna give me a shot to, you know, redeem myself a little bit? I mean, if you really wanna embarrass yourself.
Oh, okay.
She's a little cocky.
- I like that, I like that.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [LARRY CRYING.]
- Yo, do you hear that? What? That kid keeps crying.
I'll be right back.
- Hi, did you just wake up? - [BABBLES.]
Hey, Larry, I just need you to play it cool, okay? Okay.
Okay, come on, let's go.
Come on, let's go.
[SMOOCHES.]
Come here.
- All right.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- This kid? - Yeah.
So, what are you, like, his nanny, or Oh, I'm, uh his mom.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Mommy.
[CHUCKLES.]
All right.
- He's a cute kid.
- Oh See you out there, scrappy.
Run it back! Okay.
I'm Bridgette.
Maybe we can go for a drink later.
Okay, cool.
- You wanna go on the slide? - Yeah.
Me too.
UPBEAT BRASS MUSIC [BRIDGETTE.]
Here you go.
Hey, you.
- Hey, you.
- [LAUGHS.]
Hey, you.
[LIVELY OLDIES PLAYS ON STEREO.]
Hey, you.
You did this to me.
[BABBLES.]
You did this to me.
Daddy, I'm ready for my pajamas.
Oh, squeaky [IMITATES AIRPLANE DRONING.]
Hey.
- [LARRY.]
That's the sun.
- [RAFI.]
The sun.
And the sun is hot - Right? - Yeah.
Okay.
Let's do your prayers, okay? Prayer time.
Ready? [PRAYING IN SPANISH.]
Are you listening? Are you listening to me? - Listen to me.
- [LAUGHS.]
What are you doing? [RAFI PRAYING IN SPANISH.]
Uh, knock it off.
Come on, there's no praying in this house.
- We'll visit your mom in hell.
- Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha.
- [LARRY CRYING.]
Mommy.
- Shh, it's okay, I'm here.
- [CRYING.]
- [SHUSHING.]
[SINGING SOFTLY.]
Baby Larry boy [BRIDGETTE CONTINUES SINGING SOFTLY.]
Larry boy At least we did something right.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Where you going? - I gotta go.
You don't wanna watch something? I would, but I can't.
- Not tonight, maybe tomorrow.
- [SIGHS.]
All right.
Go have fun fucking whoever you're fucking.
- Have fun fucking yourself.
- Thank you - The best part of my day.
- You should get out more.
I'm telling you, I'll babysit for you.
- Okay, okay.
- [RAFI.]
All right? - I love you.
- Love you.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
SMOOTH INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC [VIBRATOR HUMS.]
[MAN.]
I fell madly in love with you today, scrappy.
[BRIDGETTE.]
I knew it.
- So did all these other dudes.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
That's so cool.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Yes.
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Yeah [GASPING.]
Why do you look like that? Are you sure I'm in? Yes.
You couldn't be more in.
[VIBRATOR HUMS.]
[VIBRATOR SILENCES.]
[SIGHS.]
SLOW DYNAMIC MUSIC I hear Sally sold her house down on 8th street.
Yeah, just cash.
She didn't even wanna sell the place.
Uh, what could she do? You know, they are edging us out there.
[WALLY.]
It's not what it used to be, I'll tell you that.
- Yeah.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Hey, Wally.
- Bridge - Hi.
- Oh - [WALLY.]
Just say the word.
[BRIDGETTE.]
You're such a tease, Wally.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Thank you.
- You look tired.
- What? - [TUTU.]
You look tired.
I am tired.
All right, go to Tutu.
- [TUTU.]
Come here, baby.
- [SNEEZES.]
Ugh.
- [TUTU.]
Gesundheit.
- Oh.
Thank you.
All right, I gotta go to work.
Yeah, why don't you come in for a little bit of grilled cheese? I can't, I'm gonna be late.
- [TUTU.]
Oh really? - Yeah.
[TUTU.]
It's not like Ally's going anywhere.
I mean, she is the saddest woman I have ever met.
- Mm-hm.
- [TUTU.]
I was thinking we could take Larry, we go down to Joseph's, we get him a cookie, you know? Because I think he really needs to feel loved.
He does feel loved.
I know.
I'm just saying, with Rafi, the relapse, and all.
Mom, he's been sober for over a year, okay? I mean, he does bedtime every night.
Oh, really? Well, he shows up for, what, a whole ten minutes? [GROANS.]
It's not nothing to brag about.
Oh, jeez, look at this.
Yuptown USA.
- [BOTH.]
Hi! - [TUTU.]
Hi.
Come on, Bridgette.
Get inside before they come over here.
Let's get in the house.
Come on.
- I gotta go.
- Come on, Bridgette.
[CAR DOORS CLOSING.]
- You got donuts? - I got donuts.
- [ENGINE TURNS OVER.]
- I got dunkies.
Come on.
- Okay, fine.
- You know, I got this new vacuum that's like a robot thing.
I saw it on TV.
It's kinda shitty, but I like it.
It's like magical science.
It, like, follows the dirt around, Bridge, and then it, I don't know, it just sucks it right up.
I don't know how they do it.
It was on sale, like, on the TV.
- That's really cool, Mom.
- Thanks.
Um, I have this audition tomorrow - Oh, yeah? - I found off Craigslist.
- Mm.
- Can you watch Larry at 9:00? No, 'cause I have to take Joe to the doctor.
[JOE.]
We got any more Tostitos? No, honey, Bridgette ate them all yesterday.
- [JOE GROANS.]
- I didn't eat 'em all.
It was just the dust left.
[JOE.]
That's the best part.
- He likes the dust.
- I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Hey, honey, you want me to do lines with you? No, no, it's okay.
It's just a PSA.
No? Are you done with this? - Finished? - Yeah.
- [TUTU.]
I'll take it.
- Okay, see you later.
[TUTU.]
All right.
Mm-hmm.
I'll meet you at Joseph's then, for sure.
Okay, give me a kiss.
Give me a kiss.
- [SMOOCHES.]
- Oh, that's a good boy.
[BABBLES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Aww.
What are you, uh, opening an Italian restaurant? [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, I might.
It's a brand new housemaker.
Are you judging me for that, though? Curious.
Was that was that a little dig there? - No.
- 'Cause it's a lot of money, - but it's my money, right? - Yeah, it's your money.
Yeah, you shouldn't be talking to me about money - Okay.
- Right? Can you not act crazier than Larry please? Don't you fucking call me crazy.
Mm.
Have fun with your grandson, okay? [SPORTS COMMENTATOR SPEAKING ON TV.]
Bye, Joe.
Tell you, the mouth on that kid.
You all right, sweetheart? - Mm-hmm, yeah, I'm okay.
- I'll get you some chips.
Larry, come with Tutu.
We're doing coupons.
Pray for your baby.
Pray for your baby [SCANNER BEEPING.]
- [WOMAN.]
Here comes the swab.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Okay.
[MOANS.]
[WOMAN.]
All right.
[EXHALES.]
- There we go.
All done.
- [EXHALES.]
Um, where would you say mine falls exactly? - Like, on the spectrum.
- Completely normal.
Um, but I just mean in terms of circumference? With, uh, general aesthetics, - uh, just like how - [WOMAN.]
No Vaginas are elastic.
Um, imagine my mouth is a vagina.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Mm-hmm.
- Uh, if I were to stretch my mouth, like, a million times, - like, to my ears - Mm-hm.
it would always go back to normal.
Yeah, but Larry had a really big head.
Does sex not feel good anymore? Is that what it is? I haven't had sex since before he was born.
Listen, take my advice.
Go out there, have fun.
- [WOMAN.]
Go have sex.
- With who? Just find somebody.
Have a great time.
- Make sure it's protected.
- [GROANS.]
It's so hard for me to do that.
[WOMAN.]
Okay, I can't have this conversation with you.
- Just have protected sex.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Okay, thank you.
Mm-hmm.
And make sure you do your kegels.
What? What? Why would you tell me to do my kegels? Because you should.
Wait, what did you see up there? No, seriously, what did you see up there? RELAXING DYNAMIC MUSIC Excuse me.
[CHLOE.]
"Houses of Parliament," Monet 1899 oil on canvas.
"Houses of Parliament," Monet, 1899, oil on canvas.
Chloe, you're so smart.
Well, I saw it on our trip to London last year.
That's cool.
- Was it fun? - Well, yeah, it was London.
I I've never been to London.
All right, what's this? L'Origine du Monde Courbet, oil on canvas 1905.
- Oh, shit.
- [ALLY.]
Girls, I made tea.
Come do your homework in here.
Can we just stay here and keep going, please? - [ALLY.]
You coming? I have - You should go talk to her.
Chamomile, rooibos, and - I'll take rooibos.
- you got it.
Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry I didn't say hi sooner.
I got stuck on a call with my mom's oncologist, who just talk, talk, talk, talk, talks.
You know, I think he's just one of those people who wants a friend.
What are you guys up to? How's it going? [BRIDGETTE.]
She has an AP test tomorrow, art history.
Oh, my gosh, is that what you're studying in school? This is why Rivers is addicted to porn.
Look at that vagina, though.
It's, like, strangely small.
Like, is that how they used to be in the olden days? That's what mine used to look like.
- [ALLY.]
Before Casey was born.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Really? Yeah, and then it boom.
I mean, by the time baby Scott came along, it was so blown out, I sneezed, and he just fell right out of me, right out.
Did you notice it getting progressively bigger, Casey, Chloe, and Rivers and then Scott? - Okay, just freeze, freeze - [ALLY.]
Pretty much.
- It was just so stretched - freeze, Mom It just there was no progress.
There was no place to go.
Is having a big vagina something I have to worry about? - Mm-hmm.
- [ALLY.]
No.
No, no.
You do not have to worry about this.
This is not for you to worry about.
Hey, um, Bridge, do you know Nelson Rose Taylor? - What? - How did you get my phone? Uh, it was charging on the nightstand, so I just unplugged it and took it.
I said no phones for the whole week - Okay, look - because of the porn.
Hard Nipples Nelson, college sportscaster.
This is your baby daddy, right? No, he dates, like, hundreds of girls.
- I'm sure it's not serious.
- [RIVERS.]
He's fucking lucky.
Rivers, get upstairs.
[SIGHS.]
- Hard Nipples Nelson? - [ALLY.]
Oh, she's very pretty.
Very pretty.
SYNTH POP MUSIC What the fuck? Well, you know, do you want to take an extra? You take an extra.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Tutu! Ah, shit, I'm in trouble.
- Hey.
- Hey, look! It's Joe's nephew! Ah, forget it.
I gotta go.
I can see him from there.
[TUTU.]
He has his tablet.
What are you watching? - You're gonna hey, hey.
- [CRYING.]
You're gonna get cavities.
Hey.
Okay, fine.
Where the eff is your dad? - [WHINING.]
- [GROANS.]
Out of towels.
Okay, okay.
[CRYING.]
Ready, one, two, three.
All right.
Almost done.
We gotta text Daddy.
Okay, where is he? You need wanna go to bed? I know.
[SMOOCHES.]
Here.
One fell off and hit her head.
[GASPS.]
No more monkeys jumping on the bed.
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Larry, ouch.
Larry - [CRYING.]
- Best friends Best friends Best friends Forever [DOOR OPENS.]
[BRIDGETTE SHUSHING.]
- You okay, baby? - [BRIDGETTE.]
Hey, he's asleep.
Don't wake him.
Bridge you cannot text me, "Larry 911" if it's not Larry 911, okay? I thought he fell out the window, and I was gonna yell at you, because I told you to fix the window.
Okay, I am sorry.
You haven't missed bedtime in a while, and I thought you died.
[EXHALES.]
I'm gonna miss bedtime sometimes, okay? Well, now that you're here, do you wanna just, I don't know, watch a movie or something? - I stole my neighbor's Wi-Fi.
- I would, but I really thought this was an emergency, and I got somebody in the car.
Oh, nipple girl? It's okay, I already know.
I I was gonna tell you.
You know I was gonna tell you.
- It's just - I know.
It's fine.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- I get it.
- Really? - Yeah, just [RAFI.]
Really, Bridge? You mean that? You can't leave her in the car like a dog.
Come on, I wanna meet her.
No, no, no, no, that would be weird.
No, it's weirder to leave her in the car.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi, I'm Bridgette.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Hello, I'm Nelson.
- Wow, it's - So nice to finally meet you.
- Yeah.
Hey, baby.
- [NELSON.]
Hey.
- Hey, babe.
Is everything okay? Um, oh, yeah, he he's fine.
[RAFI.]
Yeah, everything's good.
Larry just had a fever, but it broke, so - he's sleeping now.
- That's good.
Yeah.
It's so nice to meet you.
[NELSON.]
It's so good to meet you too.
You look so different than in your photos.
It's like like a gritty quality.
I like it.
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Well, thank you.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
I I try.
[DISTANT DOG BARKING.]
Um, were you really named after Nelson Mandela? Yeah.
Yeah, I was.
Actually, it's a really great, you know, daily reminder to sort of give back and stay humble, and, you know, he was a great man, so Is the Rose after Rosa Parks? - Oh - Oh - [BOTH LAUGH.]
- [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY.]
I can't believe Rafi's kept me from you.
Are you kidding? He's such a pussy.
- He is, isn't he? [GIGGLES.]
- He is, yeah.
Since when have I been a pussy? - Just a lit just a little.
- When? - [NELSON.]
I like it.
- It's your best quality.
- [RAFI.]
You like it? - [LARRY.]
Daddy? - [LARRY.]
Are you there? - [GASPS.]
Larry, Hi.
[NELSON.]
Hi, you remember me? Oh, you little sicky bear.
- You feeling any better? - [BRIDGETTE.]
Hi, baby.
[NELSON.]
Hi.
Oh, yeah, go to Mama.
You met Larry? Yeah.
Oh, he's just the sweetest.
Really, I mean, you're doing a really, really great job with him.
It's really impressive, and, um, it must be really hard to share him.
Oh, no, it's not.
Wanna say goodnight to Dada? [GIGGLES.]
Goodnight, Larry.
- Goodnight, baby.
- Aww, you're mad at him? Mm.
Okay, um, goodnight.
It was so nice to meet you.
[NELSON GIGGLES.]
[RAFI.]
We're still cool, right? Oh, yeah.
Wicked cool.
Mommy COVER OF "DON'T LET THE SUN CATCH YOU CRYING" Don't let the sun Catch you crying The night's the time For all your tears Your heart may be broken tonight But tomorrow in the morning light Don't let the sun Catch you crying Don't let the sun Catch you crying Don't let the sun catch you crying No no Oh oh oh Princess Nokia's "Tomboy" Who that is hoe? That girl is a tomboy that girl is a tomboy [VIBRATOR BUZZING.]
Who that is hoe? That girl is a tomboy that girl is a tomboy That girl is a tomboy With my little titties and my phat belly I could take your man if you finna let me It's a guarantee that he won't forget me - My body little my soul is heavy - [MOANING.]
My little titties be booking cities all around the world They be fucking with me I'm a Calvin Klein model Come and get me Step the resy up Don't be fucking with me who dat who dat who dat Princess Nokia Baby Phat I be where the ladies at yeah hoe Who that is hoe? That girls is a tomboy that girl is a tomboy That girl is a tomboy Who that is hoe? [MOANING.]
That girl is a tomboy that girl is a tomboy [GASPING.]
That girl is a tomboy that girl is a tomboy That girl is Mm.
[SIGHS.]
[EXHALES.]
BEIRUT'S "SANTA FE" [DISTANT DOG BARKING.]
La la la la la la la La la la la la la la La la la la la la la la [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Hey, excuse me, can I get a peanut butter brownie and then an Oreo brownie and a black and white cookie? - How much? - [WOMAN.]
$1.
25.
[BEEPING.]
And here we go.
And I'm gonna leave you a little tip, okay? [MUMBLING.]
[DOOR BELL JINGLES.]
[WOMAN.]
Thank you.
I wanna give you a little more.
Bridgette? Bridge.
- Je Jesse? - What are you doing here? It's, um you know what, it's Larry's birthday tomorrow, and so I just went to get him some goodies.
Oh, my God, you had a kid, and you named him Larry Bird.
Why? You think I should change it? - [CHUCKLES.]
- Oh, I You're a mother.
You are somebody's mom.
That is just nuts.
Sometimes, I have to look at myself on Facebook just to like you know $27.
25.
Um, here you go.
- It's so nice to see you.
- You too.
- Yes.
- Um You look great.
You look, uh homeless great.
[WOMAN.]
I'm sorry, it was declined.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
What? - Declined, your card, it I brought the wrong card.
I'm so this is cra I've this is the wrong card.
Um, you know what, will you just bag all my stuff? Here, keep my jacket as collateral.
- No, I got it.
Hey, here.
- No, no, no.
- No, no, what are you doing? - Take that right there.
Bridge, come on, take this right here.
Take this, please.
Happy birthday, Larry Bird, okay? You want this cookie? Yeah, I do want that cookie.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Um - [WOMAN.]
Here you go.
- That was good.
- Thank you so much.
- It's my pleasure.
- It's really nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.
- Oh, okay.
- Okay.
- Bye, Bridge.
- Bye! - Text me sometime! - Okay! La la la la la la la La la la la la la la la La la la la la la la la Okay, you're okay.
[PHONE TRILLS.]
[PHONE TRILLS.]
Mm-mm.
Okay.
[PHONE TRILLS.]
Just kidding.
I'm sorry.
That's too much.
[PHONE TRILLS.]
[PHONE TRILLS.]
[GAGGING.]
[RETCHING.]
[GASPS, SLURPING.]
[GASPS, EXHALES.]
You stay asleep.
Just give me one hour.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Come in.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Uh, get naked.
No, get get naked.
- Oh yeah.
Um - Okay.
- All right.
- [CHUCKLES.]
It's good to see you.
This place is, um - It's cozy.
- Your dick is cozy.
Yeah [LAUGHS.]
Hey, remember your mom? How is she doing? She was always so mean to me, remember? - [GRUNTS.]
- Oh, yeah.
She's mean to everyone.
I can't believe, uh, you actually came.
Oh, um Well, uh, you invited me, but I can go.
- No, come on.
- Okay, yeah.
[GRUNTS, MUMBLES.]
Are you gonna rape me in this here field here, master? Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
I I'm sorry, Bridge.
I'm not really into the the role playing stuff, with, uh that one, in particular.
Not if I'm playing the master master probably Okay, let's just do this.
Come on - [JESSE.]
Okay, okay.
Yeah.
- Okay? [INHALES SHARPLY, EXHALES SLOWLY.]
We've always had such great sexual chemistry.
Yeah.
Where are you going? [JESSE.]
I think you know where I'm going.
- I'll be right back.
- Okay.
Oh.
I see that you're still, uh - all-natural.
- Oui, oui.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
- Now where are you going? - I'm going over here.
[BRIDGETTE MOANS.]
- [JESSE MOANS.]
- Oh - Oh, man.
- Eesh, I don't know if you wanna be up there, eeh-kay? Um You know what? Really good right here.
Hang on, just right between the Hey, so, I'm totally willing to have sex with you.
Uh, I just need to know if my vagina's the same.
- The same? - Mm-hmm.
The same as what? Okay, I need to know if my pussy's been blown out.
So we need to focus.
I'm gonna lay down.
You're gonna put your dick in me, and you're gonna let me know.
- Okay? - Yes, ma'am.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
Let's just not even kiss.
- Let's just put it in.
- Okay.
Okay.
Cool, cool, cool, cool.
[JESSE GRUNTING.]
Oh, my God, a foot! Jesus Christ, a foot! [LAUGHS.]
Oh, it's just What what is that? What's g what is that? [LAUGHING.]
You just met my son.
He's been in the bed the whole time? - I tried to hide him.
- Oh, my God.
No, no, no, uh we can't I'm sorry.
[LAUGHING.]
Bridge, are you okay? What do you mean, am I okay? Um, you're living in a small room with a two-year-old.
I just got a little weirded out seeing your son on the bed while I was naked.
I When I saw you, I thought maybe there was something, uh, going on.
And and there's clearly not, and then that and that's okay.
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
I'm sorry it's like this.
This maybe we should probably just do this another time when he's not around.
Okay.
[SIGHING.]
[OBJECT THUDS.]
He's always around.
Yeah.
Um, I should go.
[SIGHS AND INHALES.]
It was nice to see you.
You too.
Um just for the record, you feel great.
Uh, down there.
[JESSE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY.]
Thanks.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[CRYING.]
[SOBS.]
[SOBBING.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY, SNIFFLES.]
[GASPS AND PANTS.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
[EXHALES.]
SOLEMN MUSIC [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
[COOING.]
You waking me up? Are you waking me up? [BOTH LAUGHING.]
[SMOOCHING.]
Should I get up? [LAUGHS.]
- You wanna do jumps? - Yeah.
Okay.
[LAUGHS.]
Jump.
- Jump! - Jump.
Jump, jump, jump, jump.
Oh! [LAUGHS.]
Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle! Do you want a breakfast? - [BABBLES.]
- Yes.
You wanna hold the bowl? Hot? Is it hot? I am sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- Okay.
I'm sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for doing stupid things.
- [BABBLES.]
- Fire truck.
Bridgette Bird.
Oh, Law and Order.
Guest star.
- Very legit.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Um, yeah.
I, uh, lived in New York for a minute.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
[MAN.]
That's my plan after I graduate.
You know, can't really have a film career here in Boston.
Just gotta shoot these shitty PSAs.
- You know.
- Yeah.
Hi, I'll be reading with you.
Just look into the lens.
- Please slate your name.
- Okay, hi.
I am Bridgette Bird.
SAG-AFTRA, no agent.
[MAN.]
Can you try it with a Southern accent? Okay.
"American soldiers risk their lives to protect ours, but they come home and fight a whole " Actually, can you just give me one second? Uh - Okay.
- "American soldiers risk their lives to protect ours, but then they come home and fight a whole new war.
20 percent of soldiers who fought in Iraq and Afghanistan are suffering today from PTSD.
" [INHALES SOFTLY.]
I, uh [INHALES.]
[HESITANT SOUTHERN ACCENT.]
Try to push it away.
[EXHALES.]
If I just don't think about it [SNIFFLES.]
Maybe it won't hurt as much.
But, uh [CRIES.]
And then, the nightmares [SNIFFLES.]
Uh, and the images, uh [SIGHS DEEPLY.]
I just I don't know how to live in this world anymore.
[SNIFFLES.]
- How was that? - [MAN.]
That was amazing.
- [LARRY COOS.]
- Ooh.
Oh, hi, it's okay.
Fake tears.
Sorry, usually he stays in his seat.
Well, um, thank you so much - for having me.
- [MAN.]
Yeah.
I really appreciate it.
[MAN.]
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Um Oh, you I can do it again.
[MAN.]
No, no, I don't I don't want you - He'll stay there.
- No, uh, no.
No, that was perfect.
Um I mean, yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah, let's cast you.
- Really? What? - [MAN.]
Really, really.
Really, I want to cast you.
The job is yours.
- [BRIDGETTE.]
Wow.
- Yeah, how did you do that? - [INHALES.]
- [MAN.]
Have you been to war? No.
[LAUGHS.]
No, I haven't been to war.
[SNIFFLES.]
I was sexually abused by my dad, though.
Oh Which also causes PTSD.
So I guess I kind of have been to war.
My sister was raped in college.
- Really messed her up.
- Right.
See? There you go.
[INHALES.]
Oh, my God, I'm so excited.
What do you want? I want food and pussy how come? It's just the way God made me Is it all right? I guess it must be okay Hoo bop-bop-bop-bop Shenga-lenga-leng-leng What do you want? I want food and pussy how come? It's just the way God made me SupahSmaht.