So Weird (1999) s01e01 Episode Script

1 DEMONS COME FROM EVERY SIDE IN THE DARKNESS IS THE LIGHT OUT OF THE SHADOWS OF MY LIFE IN THE DARKNESS IS THE LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS IS THE LIGHT SURRENDER WILL WIN THE FIGHT THIS GIRL'S WALKED ON FIRE AND ICE BUT I COME OU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF PARADISE PARADISE IF YOU'VE EVER BEEN TO CHICAGO YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD OF THE GREAT CHICAGO FIRE BUT I'LL BET YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF THE EASTLAND DISASTER.
THE YEAR WAS 1915.
THE EASTLAND WAS THIS BIG CRUISE SHIP THAT WAS ALL SE TO TAKE ITS PASSENGERS OUT ON LAKE MICHIGAN.
BUT BEFORE THE EASTLAND COULD EVEN LEAVE THE DOCK IT CAPSIZED IN THE MURKY WATER OF THE CHICAGO RIVER.
844 PEOPLE LOST THEIR LIVES.
MEN, WOMEN, CHILDREN, WHOLE FAMILIES.
THEY HAD TO PUT THE CASUALTIES IN NEARBY BUILDINGS UNTIL THEY COULD BE IDENTIFIED BUT SOME OF THEM NEVER WERE.
( keyboard clicking ) ( electric guitar playing rock music ) TURN IT DOWN, YOU GUYS.
( music continues ) JACK, KNOCK IT OFF! HEY, CHECK IT OUT.
CYBER GIRL'S LOOKING FOR LITTLE GREEN MARTIANS AGAIN.
LAUGH, METAL HEAD.
BUT SOMEONE WHO CONTACTED MY WEB SITE GOT AN ACTUAL UFO SITING ON HOME VIDEO.
HMM.
Take me to your leader.
JACK, YOU JERK.
I TOLD YOU SHE'D BE MAD, MAN.
I TOLD HIM YOU'D BE MAD.
CLU, YOU HELPED HIM? ( with high-pitched voice ): YOU WILL BE ABSORBED.
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
( engine roars ) THAT WAS GOOD FOR THE HARD DRIVE.
Jack: YOU LOOK GOOD WITH ANTENNAS.
Fi: TOUCH MY COMPUTER AGAIN YOU'RE HISTORY.
UH, GUYS, WHY ARE YOU STILL UP? HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
LITTLE SISTER HAS MALFUNCTIONED IS NOW ORBITING FANTASY LAND.
WHOA, TIME OUT.
JACK, LEAVE YOUR SISTER'S COMPUTER ALONE.
FI, YOU MAY NO KILL YOUR BROTHER.
CLU, IF YOU SEE YOUR FOLKS ASK THEM WHEN THE BAND GETS INTO CHICAGO.
WHERE'S THE BAND PLAYING? THIS GREAT OLD CLUB BY THE RIVER.
NOW COME ON, YOU GUYS.
BY THE TIME WE HI 55 MILES AN HOUR, IT'S LIGHTS OUT.
OKAY, THAT'S THE PLACE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? Ned: WELL, IT AIN' DODGER STADIUM.
NED, YOU'VE SAID THA ABOUT EVERY CLUB I'VE PLAYED SINCE 1979.
'CAUSE NONE OF THEM WAS DODGER STADIUM.
I WOULD LOVE TO MANAGE A SHOW IN A BIG PLACE LIKE THAT.
MOLLY, YOU'VE JUS GOT TO SELL MORE RECORDS.
IRENE, I'LL PUT THA ON MY TO-DO LIST.
HI, MOM.
HI, DAD.
BYE, MOM.
BYE, DAD.
CLU, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WEARING MY SUNGLASSES? THEY LOOK BETTER ON ME.
ASK DAD.
IT'S THE SHAPE OF HIS FACE? TRAITOR.
COME ON, CLU, OUR MINI FRIDGE AWAITS.
NOT SO FAST, JACK.
NO WAY.
I'M ON GARBAGE DETAIL.
I HAD BUG DUTY IN MINNEAPOLIS.
IT RAINED IN MINNEAPOLIS.
THERE WERE NO BUGS.
NOT MY FAULT.
UGH! WELL, ISN'T THIS ATTRACTIVE? GOOD LUCK.
FREAK.
I MEAN, I'D TOTALLY HELP YOU BUT THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH CARNAGE.
WHOA! YOU CAN DO THIS LATER.
COME ON, LET'S CHECK OUT OUR ROOM.
NAH, YOU CAN HAVE THE ROOM.
I'M GOING TO STAY ON THE BUS.
I AM SO NO LETTING YOU DO THAT.
SEE YOU UPSTAIRS.
YEAH, GREAT.
I SAID NO Ned: AND WHILE WE'RE IN THE WINDY CITY I WANT EACH OF YOU TO WRITE AN EIGHT-TO-TEN-PAGE PAPER ON LOCAL HISTORY.
EIGHT TO TEN? NOW, WHO WOULD GE TO PAGE EIGHT AND KEEP ON WRITING? HISTORY'S SO POINTLESS.
I MEAN, I ALREADY HAPPENED.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT? HUMOR ME.
YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT HISTORY? TAKE THIS BUILDING.
BUILT AFTER THE GREA CHICAGO FIRE OF 1871.
THIS ENTIRE NEIGHBORHOOD DAD, DO YOU FEEL OKAY? YEAH.
NAH.
I MEAN, YOU LOOK TIRED.
DOESN'T HE LOOK TIRED, GUYS? WELL, HE WORKS SO HARD MAKING LESSON PLANS, GRADING OUR PAPERS Jack: PLUS THE PRESSURES OF BEING HEAD ROADIE.
Clu: DAD, YOU'RE NOT SUPERMAN.
TAKE A WEEK OFF.
TAKE SOME "YOU" TIME.
TAKE A BUBBLE BATH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
Ned: I COULD, YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, WHAT'S ONE WEEK? I COULD GO TO THE AQUARIUM, CATCH A BULLS GAME.
YOU KNOW HOW I LOVE THE THEATER.
OH, YOU KNOW WHA WOULD BE REALLY GREAT? WHAT? I COULD CAP IT ALL OFF BY GRADING YOUR HISTORY PAPERS.
HAVE A NICE DAY, KIDS.
DON'T WORRY, MR.
BELL.
LOOK, I PROMISE YOU WE'LL BE RESEARCHING LOCAL HISTORY.
IN FACT, I BELIEVE OUR FIRST STOP IS A LOCAL HISTORICAL MALL.
HEY, JACK, JACK.
HOLD UP A MINUTE, OKAY? YEAH.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
HOW DO YOU THINK WE'RE DOING? WE'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR ALMOST A YEAR THE BAND'S PLAYING GREA AND THE REVIEWS ARE TERRIFIC.
WELL, EXCEP FOR THE GUY WHO CALLED YOUR COMEBACK TOUR "GEEZERPALOOZA.
" YEAH.
WHAT I MEAN IS HOW DO YOU THINK OUR FAMILY IS DOING? ARE YOU KIDDING? I LOVE IT.
BUT WHAT ABOU YOUR SISTER? SHE'S AT A FUNNY AGE, YOU KNOW.
IT'S LIKE HALF STUFFED ANIMALS, HALF MAKEUP.
I WORRY ABOUT HER.
ALL THIS TRAVELING.
MOM, FI WOULD BE A GEEK QUEEN WHETHER WE TRAVELED OR NOT.
AND DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GOING BACK TO WRITING ADVERTISING JINGLES.
SEEING YOU IN A BUSINESS SUI WAS TOTALLY DEPRESSING.
OH, I JUST WANT YOU GUYS TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE.
YOU WERE SO LITTLE WHEN YOUR DAD DIED AND I'VE TRIED IT'S FINE, OKAY? FI AND I ARE GOOD.
JUST YOU GOT TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT EVERYTHING.
HEY, YOU, WANT TO HELP A LITTLE OLD LADY WITH SOUND CHECK? SURE.
OKAY.
I THINK MY GUITAR RUNS THROUGH CHANNEL 12.
LET'S GIVE IT A TRY.
( unamplified guitar chord ) IT'S NOT WORKING.
WELL, IS THERE POWER TO THE BOARD? ( eerie wail ) WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A KID CRYING.
WHERE'S IT COMING FROM? CELL PHONE, TWO-WAY RADIO.
WE GET INTERFERENCE LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME.
( wailing continues ) EVEN WHEN NOTHING'S PLUGGED IN? OKAY, THAT'S CREEPY.
FI, BE CAREFUL WITH THAT.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
FOUND ONE OF OUR GHOSTS, HUH? WE GOT WEIRD NOISES.
WE GOT CANDLES BLOWING OUT, FLICKERING LIGHTS.
PERSONALLY, I THINK IT'S JUS A DRAFTY OLD BUILDING WITH BAD WIRING AND BAD PLUMBING BUT BEING HAUNTED IS GOOD FOR BUSINESS.
HAS ANYONE REPORTED HEARING A CHILD'S VOICE? WHAT ABOUT SEEING APPARITIONS? HAVE YOU EVER HAD THE BUILDING SCANNED FOR ANOMALIES AND ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELDS? YOU GOT TO BE 21 TO BE IN HERE.
Molly: THIS IS MY DAUGHTER FIONA.
FI, SAY HI TO MR.
BELAVOE.
THIS IS HIS CLUB.
HI.
I'D LIKE TO SPEAK WITH YOUR EMPLOYEES.
I NEED ACCESS TO THE REST OF YOUR BUILDING.
WHAT ABOU PREVIOUS OWNERS? WHY DON'T WE TALK IN YOUR OFFICE.
NED SAID THIS WHOLE PART OF TOWN WAS DESTROYED IN THE FIRE.
OKAY.
CHICAGO FIRE HAUNTING STORY? LET'S HEAR IT.
OKAY, SOMEBODY GIVE ME AN ANSWER.
( knocking ) Fi: HELLO? IS ANYBODY HERE? GOOD.
HELLO? IS ANYONE HERE? HELLO? echoing voice: FIONA.
WHO'S THAT? FIONA.
I'M HERE.
KEEP TALKING.
I'M HERE.
Jack: FIONA, YOU'D BETTER SHOW YOURSELF OR MOM IS GOING TO KILL YOU.
MOM SAYS COME TO DINNER AND NO COMPUTER TIME FOR A WEEK.
( screams ) ( water dripping ) WAIT! PLEASE! WAIT! WHOA! THAT IS SO WEIRD.
Fi: MOM, WE HAVE TO TALK.
WHAT'S WRONG? PROMISE YOU WON'T LAUGH BECAUSE THIS FREAKED ME OUT.
IT'S NOT MY IMAGINATION.
I PROMISE.
WHAT'S ALL OVER YOUR SHOES? I JUST DROPPED MY SODA.
JUST LISTEN.
I SAW WHO WAS CRYING.
A GHOST.
HE'S A BOY.
WHAT? I MEAN, HE WAS A BOY.
IT WAS LIKE I HAD TO FOLLOW HIM.
LIKE HE WANTED SOMETHING FROM ME.
CHECK IT OUT.
MISS GHOSTBUSTER'S AFRAID OF HER OWN SHADOW.
SHUT UP! IT WASN'T A SHADOW.
YOU GUYS, DON'T START AGAIN.
HE WORE OLD-FASHIONED CLOTHES.
THE WEIRD PART WAS THEY WERE ALL WET.
THE CLUB WAS BUIL ON A SPO THAT BURNED IN THE CHICAGO FIRE.
IF THE BOY DIED IN THE FIRE WHY IS HE WET? MAYBE HE DIDN'T DIE IN A FIRE.
MAYBE HE DROWNED AFTER YOU DUMPED 36 OUNCES OF SODA ON HIM.
Molly: JACK, DON'T.
I KNOW WHERE THE GHOST CAME FROM.
YOU KNOW HOW THE CHICAGO FIRE STARTED WHEN THAT LADY'S COW KICKED OVER A LANTERN? FI HAS OBVIOUSLY FOUND THE GHOST OF MRS.
O'LEARY'S COW.
MOO! I DON'T CARE IF YOU BELIEVE ME! I DON'T CARE IF ANY OF YOU BELIEVE ME! ( knocking ) HEY.
I'M GOING TO GO ACROSS TO THE CLUB.
WE GO ON IN AN HOUR.
WORKING ON YOUR WEB SITE, HUH? YOU KNOW I DIDN'T LAUGH BEFORE AND I WON'T NOW, EITHER.
I POSTED A QUESTION ABOUT THE CHICAGO FIRE HAUNTINGS.
I GOT A FEW REPLIES BUT NOTHING LIKE WHAT I SAW.
MAYBE JACK WAS RIGHT.
MAYBE IT WAS A TRAGIC SODA DROWNING.
DON'T LET HIM GET TO YOU, OKAY? MOM, DO YOU BELIEVE ME? I BELIEVE THA IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOU.
SO, THAT'S A "NO" THEN.
I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
BUT YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.
I'M NOT AS SURE ABOUT THINGS AS YOU ARE, FI.
BUT SOMETIMES ESPECIALLY WHEN I'M PLAYING IT'S LIKE YOUR DAD'S RIGHT THERE WITH ME ON HIS 12-STRING, YOU KNOW? IT'S JUST A FEELING.
MAYBE IT'S NO THE SAME AS BELIEVING IN GHOSTS, BUT IT'S SOMETHING.
BACK IN THE ROOM BY 10:00, OKAY, KID? DROWNING.
( computer beeping ) IT'S THE SAME BUILDING.
IT'S HIM.
( gasps ) ( no audio ) ( gasping ) WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M HAVING A BURRITO.
WE DON'T HAVE A MICROWAVE.
I LIKE 'EM FROZEN.
IT'S LIKE A BURRITOSICLE.
YOU'RE A TOTAL JERK BUT FOR ONCE YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT.
HE DIDN'T DIE IN THE CHICAGO FIRE.
THERE WAS THIS BOAT, THE EASTLAND IT CAPSIZED RIGHT HERE IN THE RIVER IN 1915.
THAT'S WHY HIS CLOTHES ARE WET.
YOU WERE RIGHT.
HE DROWNED.
FI, YOU ARE SO LAME.
HE WAS IN MY COMPUTER.
I SAW HIM.
THE SAME BOY? YEAH, COME ON.
HE'S IN THAT CLUB.
I'M NOT FOLLOWING YOU AROUND SO WE CAN LOOK FOR YOUR IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND.
I'LL GET FLASHLIGHTS.
THANKS, CLU.
LATER, CHICKEN BOY.
( clucks ) Fi: YOU KNOW, AFTER THE SHIPWRECK THEY STORED DEAD BODIES IN THIS PLACE.
Jack: THANKS FOR SHARING.
WE'LL SPLI WHEN WE GET UPSTAIRS.
I HOPE WE SEE A GHOST.
THAT WOULD BE SO COOL.
I DON'T KNOW.
HE BASICALLY HATES MY GUTS.
MAYBE HE THINKS YOU'RE CUTE.
I DON'T THINK SO.
NO, I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S A GUY THING.
OKAY, BACK IN FIFTH GRADE I LIKED THIS GIRL, JENNIFER MORGAN.
I THREW SNOWBALLS AT HER AND SHE CALLED ME A TOTAL DWEEB.
IT WAS VERY ROMANTIC.
JUST COME IF I CALL, OKAY? ALL RIGHT.
SORRY, MAN.
( ghostly groan ) JACK, KNOCK IT OFF! JACK? YOU GUYS? OH, MAN! LET GO OF ME! JACK! FI! WHAT HAPPENED? ARE YOU OKAY? HE WAS HERE.
OH, MY GOSH! LOOK AT THE MAGNETOMETER.
IT'S GOING NUTS! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? DISTURBANCES IN MAGNETIC FIELDS OFTEN ACCOMPANY HAUNTINGS.
SPEAKERS HAVE BIG MAGNETS IN THEM AND THERE'S A ROCK BAND DOWNSTAIRS.
THAT COULD CAUSE THOSE READINGS.
SOMETHING PULLED ME OVER THIS WALL.
I COULD SEE A ROOM ON THE OTHER SIDE.
HE WANTS ME TO GO IN THERE.
WELL, COME ON.
MAYBE WE CAN GET IN FROM UNDERNEATH.
THIS IS STUPID.
THERE'S NOTHING UP HERE BUT BROKEN GLASS AND RUSTY PIPES AND ( squeaking ) WHAT WAS THAT? RATS, I BET.
THE CITY'S FULL OF THEM, BUT DON'T WORRY.
THEY'RE MORE AFRAID OF US THAN WE ARE OF THEM.
PROBABLY.
CHECK, PLEASE.
WE'RE NOT LEAVING UNTIL WE FIND OU WHY THIS 85-YEAR-OLD KID IS PICKING ON ME.
THERE IS NO KID.
AND EVEN IF THERE WERE, WHAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL THAT HE'D WAN TO TALK TO YOU? DID YOU EVER THINK THA MAYBE SHE'S THE FIRST ONE WHO'S WILLING TO LISTEN? YOU'RE BOTH BRAIN-DEAD.
THERE'S NO CASPER IN YOUR COMPUTER.
THERE'S JUST A STORY ABOUT A BOAT THAT SANK AND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO DROWNED.
THE END.
HE'S STILL HERE AND I KNOW IT.
I HATE THIS.
I HATE THAT YOU KEEP DOING THIS.
PEOPLE DIE AND THAT'S IT.
WHEN YOU DIE, YOU'RE HISTORY.
YOU NEVER COME BACK.
YOU'RE GONE FOREVER.
I'LL NEVER BELIEVE THAT.
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU BELIEVE.
IT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING.
( gasps ) JACK, WATCH OUT! Jack: GUYS, ARE YOU OKAY? I CAN'T MOVE IT.
FI, HELP ME OUT.
HE'S HERE.
FI, HELP ME! HE WANTS SOMETHING.
WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT DO YOU WAN ME TO FIND?! WHOA! Jack: WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE? WHAT DO YOU WAN ME TO FIND?! Jack: HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?! WE'RE CAPSIZING LIKE THE BOAT! HELP ME! HEY! ( yelling ) ( no audio ) ( coughing ) OH, MAN! COME ON, MAN.
YOU GUYS OKAY? WHAT HAPPENED? NOW I KNOW WHY THEY WALLED THIS PLACE OFF.
FI, WHAT'D YOU FIND? A NAME.
( squeaking, board creaks ) RAT! GHOSTS! FLOORBOARDS! ( all yell ) HI, MOM.
HAVE A GOOD SHOW, OKAY? ( girl laughs ) Fi: AND WHEN I COMPARED THE NAME IN THE JACKE AGAINST THE LIS OF THE PEOPLE WHO DROWNED I FOUND THIS COUPLE AND HE WAS THEIR SON.
BUT NO ONE KNEW.
THE RIVER PROBABLY PULLED HIS JACKET OFF AND THERE MUST HAVE BEEN NO OTHER RELATIVES TO IDENTIFY HIM.
Irene: SO, THEN, WHAT ABOU THE BOY'S GRAVE? THE HISTORICAL SOCIETY WILL HAVE IT MOVED HERE SO HE CAN BE WITH HIS MOM AND DAD.
Ned: COOL STORY, FIONA.
I CAN'T WAI TO READ YOUR PAPER.
WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR YOU GUYS' JOINT EFFOR ON CHICAGO PIZZA.
COME ON, DAD.
WE DID A TON OF RESEARCH.
DAD! HEY.
HEY.
SO, MOM WAS ASKING ME THE OTHER DAY HOW I THOUGH YOU WERE DOING.
SHE WAS? DON'T WORRY.
I DIDN'T SAY MUCH, BUT IF SHE ASKS ME AGAIN I'LL TELL HER YOU WERE DOING OKAY.
I MEAN, FOR SOMEONE WHO'S LOONEY TUNES.
AND YOU WOULD KNOW.
I THINK ABOUT HIM, TOO, YOU KNOW? Molly: WE'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE, HONEY.
HEY, KID, YOU ABOUT READY TO GO? YEAH.
SO, DO YOU THINK I STILL MADE IT ALL UP? FI, I CAN'T EXPLAIN WHAT YOU SAW BUT I NEVER DOUBTED THAT YOU SAW IT.
AND WHATEVER HAPPENED YOU DID A REALLY NICE THING HERE.
THANKS.
LISTEN, ABOU MY LAPTOP PLEASE, DON'T RUIN THE MOMENT.