Social Distance (2020) s01e01 Episode Script

1
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[MAN] I'd been social distancing
for months when this shit blew up.
You know how it is when you stop
hanging out with your party friends,
who are also your only friends.
Plus
my girlfriend just
broke up with me.
[EXHALES] But that's cool
'cause I still had work
to go to every day,
meetings every night.
Working through my steps.
Eating Fudge Stripes. [CHUCKLES]
Then the governor shut us down
since barbershops aren't essential.
But apparently, gun stores
and liquor stores are.
[SCOFFS]
It was supposed to be two weeks.
Remember that?
So, the business I spent the last
ten years of my life building
is closed until, uh
who the fuck knows when?
And the boys at the barbershop,
they stopped talking to me
because I pull the plug on them
seeing customers on the sly.
I already buried an uncle from this.
What am I supposed to do?
Spread this shit around over a paycheck?
So, uh
it's been rough.
But, uh, mostly, I'm just grateful
for having 118 days when
this shitnado rolled into town.
Because I know what the
old me would have done.
I would have crawled inside
a bottle of Jim Beam and
rode this shit out from in there.
Now these meetings are my lifeboat.
So, when the seas get rough
and the waves of shit water start
splashing up over the deck,
I know I'll be all right, because
you all are right here with me.
Thanks, Ike.
Does anyone else need a raincoat?
[CHUCKLES, CLEARS THROAT]
Just Just kidding. Okay, uh
Well, time is up, so I'm
going to unmute everyone
to join me in the Serenity Prayer.
[ALL] God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things
that I cannot change,
the courage to change
those things that I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
- [CHIMING]
- [WOMAN] Thank you, everyone. Bye-bye.
Bye, Charlotte. Bye bye, Sally.
[CLICKS]
[HARMONICA MUSIC PLAYING]
[CLICKING]
[TYPING]
[CHIMES]
[CLICKING]
[CLICKS]
[EXHALES]
[GRUNTING]
Ugh! [PANTING]
[MUMBLING]
[PLAYING BLUES TUNE]
Today, we're starting at the beginning
with how to hold a harmonica.
[PLAYING BLUES TUNE]
[CHIMES]
[CLIPPERS WHIRRING]
[IKE] Uh, angle it more.
- Perfect.
- Ooh. Ooh. Did I fuck it up?
I don't know. Uh, let me see up close.
[IKE] Not bad.
Any better and you might
never come back to the shop.
[LAUGHS] You kidding, man?
Ten minutes with y'all is
like a therapy session
and a night at the comedy
club at the same damn time.
How's Nathan and T doing anyway?
Eh, you know, like the rest of us.
Hey, it's good on you
for coming up with this.
You know how many Black folk got
jobs they can work from home?
One out of five. The rest of us
are on the goddamn front lines.
I'm afraid to leave my house.
Hey, it's not much safer indoors
with that no-knock bullshit.
A month ago, I thought
the silver lining would be
the pigs would chill the fuck out,
considering that no one's going outside,
- but they still killing us.
- [MAN KNOCKS] You almost done?
- Yeah, nah, nah, I'm coming.
- [MAN] Uh-huh.
Yo, I gotta get back to it. We good?
Good enough. Thanks for
doing this. Stay safe.
- All right.
- [CHIMES]
[SOLITARY ACOUSTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
[RINGS]
- [CHIMES]
- What's up, man?
- Everything all right?
- Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, no [CHUCKLES]
but I was just calling
to say hi, you know?
- Yeah, cool!
- [TOY CLATTERS]
What's it been? Since Scully's party?
Sounds about right.
- Dude, the ice luge!
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
Half my lips are still stuck to it.
[LAUGHS] Good times, man.
Good times.
So, how is Scully anyway?
Uh, I'm not sure. It's been a minute.
Whoa. You two were like blood brothers.
Guess I must have pissed him
off one too many times.
What happened? You try
to bone his grandma too?
[LAUGHS]
I'm really sorry about that, man.
- I didn't know she was in that bed.
- What are you talking about?
It was fucking hilarious.
- Was it?
- Dude, you gotta do the thing.
I don't think I can anymore.
Grandma Betty, that's your "Freebird."
I gotta see it. Come on.
Let's hear it, man.
"Get your greasy paws
off of me."
Guess it's funnier when we're drunk.
- Cheers, man.
- It's a little early for me.
Don't tell me you're one of
these five o'clock people
like my girlfriend?
Day drinking is all we got left.
Actually, I'm trying to
do the sober thing now.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, wow.
Well, you picked a hell of a time.
I had some time in before this started.
- Congratulations.
- Thanks, man.
- [PHONE CHIMES]
- Feels good, you know?
My head's clear.
Don't wake up looking like
balls anymore. [CHUCKLES]
And even though I can't go
to my meetings in person,
there's tons online.
Which is good, since the first
thing they teach about recovery
is not to isolate.
- [CHIMING CONTINUES]
- Girlfriend keeps texting from upstairs.
- I didn't know you live together.
- Only 'cause of this.
Plus, she's got a kid.
So the three of us are here together
all the damn time. [CHUCKLES]
Holy shit
- He's adorable.
- Yeah, they gotta make them that way,
otherwise you'd murder 'em
halfway through Candyland.
[CHUCKLES] Hey, have fun.
Um, great catching up with you.
Where's that ice luge when you need it?
[CHIMES]
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
[TYPES]
[CLICKS]
[CLICKING]
[CLICKS]
Shoot.
[CLICKING]
[CLICKS]
[TYPES]
[RINGING]
[CHIMES]
[CLICKS]
[TYPES]
[RINGING]
[CHIMES]
- Hey, there he is.
- Hey. It's a bad time?
No, are you kidding?
In time for dinner.
My masterpiece. There you go.
[IMITATES CAMERA SHUTTER]
I put so much garlic,
you could probably smell
it through your screen.
- That ought to cure your COVID.
- Actually, I put bleach in it,
just in case. But don't tell my boys.
They're very picky eaters.
Hmm.
So, what's up?
Whatever's up anymore, huh? Nothing.
Well, you called me,
so, something's the matter.
What, you run out of TP again?
Huh.
I, uh called Raquel.
- Ah. How'd that go?
- It didn't.
I hung up before she could answer.
Did you know that she's
already dating someone else?
I'm sorry. Not dating. Uh, cohabitating.
- During quarantine.
- All right. All right, man.
People don't like being alone.
Yeah. I'm aware.
Yeah. Hey, Tommy, will you come here
and stir this for me
while I sit out back?
You know? Call me back
some other time. It's okay.
No, it's fine. I want to talk to you.
Hey, and when I say stir it,
you gotta sit next to it
the whole time I'm gone.
[TOMMY] The whole time?
Why do I have to?
[GENE] Because that's how risotto works!
Good God.
- Ahh. Sorry, continue. Go ahead.
- [IKE] It's stupid.
Especially when so many people
have actual problems, you know?
You know what it's like when the
only living thing you see all day
is a fucking house plant?
Meanwhile, people have wives or a kid
or a jacked-up quarantine fuck buddy.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- [IKE CHUCKLES]
Did I ever tell you about the
the bender that I went on
after my wife left me?
Mm-mh.
My sons were, like, three and five.
Oh, it was fucking epic.
Ugh.
Middle of the night, she
she takes them, right? So
I wake up next morning, and I'm
like, "Where's my fucking family?"
[CHUCKLES] So, I call in sick to work,
throw a case of High Life in my truck,
and I spend the day driving
around in circles.
Around her parent's neighborhood.
And it did not get me my kids back,
but it did get me a restraining
order and a DUI.
[SIGHS] Sounds rough, man.
I just wish [SIGHS]
I just wish Raquel could see me.
Now that I'm different.
Yeah. This shit doesn't work if
you're doing it to prove something.
You know?
Your main job now is just focus on you.
[SCOFFS] If I focus on me any more,
I'm gonna get myself pregnant.
[LAUGHS]
- [CHUCKLES]
- Yeah, it's not easy.
It's not easy being by yourself, man.
But at the end of the day,
it's really all we got.
And I know you're going nuts
stuck at home by yourself,
but you're a creative guy.
Maybe you ought to use this time
to figure out how to
keep yourself company.
[TOMMY] Dad!
It stuck to the bottom.
Hey, go eat your food, man.
Don't worry about me. Really.
- Yeah? You sure you're okay?
- [IKE] Yeah.
I mean I will be.
[SIGHS] All right. Well,
you call me any time, okay? I'm here.
- I love you, man.
- Thanks. I love you too.
[GENE] How you gonna
stir that from the couch?
You got a ten-foot spoon
hidden some place?
[CHIMES]
["LONELY" BY SWAMP DOGG PLAYING]
[IKE HUMS]
- [SIGHS]
- I'm so lonely ♪
- Okay, say cheese.
- I'm so lonely ♪
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
I'm lonely, baby ♪
[TYPING]
I'm so lonely ♪
[CHIMING]
I get lonely for you, baby ♪
Yes, it's you I want ♪
Only baby ♪
[TYPES]
Ain't no woman been in my life ♪
Since I met you ♪
[TYPES]
That's why I can't figure out ♪
Why you're doing the thing ♪
That you do ♪
[IKE] Can I open 'em?
[GASPS]
Ohhhh! Wow!
I knew you were up to something.
I'm so mad at baby ♪
Man don't suppose to
have to live like this ♪
[DISTORTED] I'm so lonely ♪
[NORMAL] I'm so lonely ♪
[CLICKING]
Fuck.
[WOMAN] So I dropped out,
moved home,
broke up with my boyfriend
because everybody knows
- the long-distance thing never works.
- [CHIMES]
When I first got sober, I thought
the accident was my bottom.
That was only part of it.
It was all the things
- I threw away after.
- [CHIMES]
[WOMAN] So
now I'm right back where I started.
Sleeping in my old room.
Trying to start over again.
Only, I don't know how to
make a new life for myself
- when there is no future to make it.
- [CLICKS]
[CHIMES]
[CHIMES]
[CLICKS]
[EXHALES] You're making me seasick.
[IKE] You're trying to fight it.
Move with the motion
like riding a horse.
When have you ever
gone horseback riding?
[IKE] When my parents forced me
to go to summer adventure camp.
A counselor put me on a
pony named Butterscotch.
- Butterscotch?
- [IKE] Thing was all sway-backed.
Like, 90 years old.
- And I was a husky kid.
- Oh, no. Did you hurt it?
[IKE] Did I hurt it? Fucking
Butterscotch nearly killed me.
He bucked me right off of it.
I had to go to the
infirmary and everything.
- [CHUCKLES] Poor little Ikey.
- [IKE] "Poor little." You know what?
- [LAUGHS] Ike, I'm not kidding.
- [IKE] Ahhh!
- Ike, stop. Stop. Ike. Ike, no!
- [IKE LAUGHS]
[LAPTOP POWERS-UP]
[CHIMING]
[CLICKS]
[GENE SIGHS] Hey, you know I don't
do any of that Snap crap or
or whatever the fuck, but
[CLEARS THROAT] Tommy showed
me that video you posted.
So I'm, uh
I'm calling to check in and also
to remind you that I love you.
And that I am here for you.
Anytime day or night.
And this too shall pass.
And a bunch of other
fucking bumper stickers.
So call whenever you want.
Okay? Since you're never
interrupting me 'cause
there's no more goddamn baseball.
[IKE SLURRING] What's wrong?
Is your steak overcooked?
'Cause you haven't touched it.
[CHUCKLES]
Of course you can care about the
environment and still eat red meat.
Well, if I'm a hypocrite,
then you're a fucking cannibal.
[LAUGHING]
"Get your greasy paws
[SHOUTS] off of me!"
[LAUGHING]
I tried to make amends.
But you rejected it.
[SNIFFLES] You didn't
you didn't take my calls.
You didn't open the letter.
[SNIFFLES, SOBBING]
You want to know what
the funny thing is?
Hmm?
Aside from being a grown man who
talks to a fucking house plant
Fern. Sorry.
I never even liked your
friend Kim anyway.
[SOBBING]
I don't know why!
I don't want to be that way either!
[CONTINUES SOBBING]
[CLICKS]
Hi, my name is Ike.
And I'm an alcoholic.
Hi, Ike.
- Hi, Ike.
- Hi, Ike.
Hi, Ike.
Hey.
- Hi, Ike.
- Hey, Ike.
- Hi, Ike.
- [ALL] Hi, Ike.
- [WOMAN] Welcome.
- [MAN] Welcome back.
["WHO'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF YOU?"
BY SONNY BOY WILLIAMSON PLAYING]
To you, darlin', when I'm gone ♪
I wonder what's gonna happen, baby ♪
To you when I'm gone ♪
Because you ain't
making enough money ♪
To keep your business going on ♪
All right! ♪
[HARMONICA PLAYING]