Sprung (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

I didn't want to go trick-or-treating
'cause I thought
I was too old to dress up.
Hey, baby, you up?
The thing is, got a weakness
for those little bite-size
3 Musketeers bars.
Crack 25!
Oh, man.
We've been over this, boss.
I have every right
to use the plumbing
to cultivate a romantic relationship
with the female inmate on the third floor.
That's not why I'm here.
Jack, papi, are you there?
Yeah, baby.
I got the picture you sent.
You got a handsome dick!
Gloria, I'm gonna have to call you back.
We have company.
If you're trying to take my bug,
then we might be throwing hands.
Me and this little guy
have gotten very attached.
He's the only one polite enough
to listen to my stories.
I don't give a shit
about your bug, Rooster.
You can put a vest on it
and take it on a plane, for all I care.
You're both getting out today.
Him and the bug are getting out?
Not the bug. You and him.
The bug has been free to leave
whenever he wants.
Bullshit.
I still got eight months.
This fool got four years left.
Governor's lettin' out a bunch
of nonviolent inmates
because of the coronavirus,
and you dumbasses are two of them.
Grab your stuff.
What the hell is coronavirus?
Beats the shit out of me.
Thanks for always being there, Nelson.
Next!
Weh-hell, this is crazy, huh?
If you'd a-told me this morning
that I was gonna
Here's $40 and your personal belongings.
The clothes you came in with
are down the hall.
If you've been here longer than 10 years,
we apologize for the moth problem,
which has since been rectified. Next!
What exactly
is this coronavirus, anyway?
A couple weeks ago,
some dumbass ate a rotten bat.
Now people are dying from the flu,
and they shut down the NBA.
Mnh. Next!
Hey, yo, what up, Shelley?
They're lettin' you out?
When you come back next week,
don't bring the coronavirus.
Not gonna happen.
I ain't eatin' no bat.
Okay, this is it, folks.
You're all free to go,
but please keep in mind,
the state has issued
a shelter-in-place order.
What's a shelter-in-place order?
Unless you are essential
Which I assure you, you are not
You need to stay in your home.
But we've been in prison.
We don't have a home.
I agree, it's a bit of a head-scratcher,
but we were just told to let you go,
so that's what we did.
Good luck.
What, no? No,
I can't stay with my boyfriend
because he is still in prison.
Besides, we're not that serious.
We talk through the toilet,
and I've only seen a picture of his dick.
Yeah. No, I know.
Okay you know what?
Just forget it.
Forget it!
Hey, man.
Someone coming to pick you up?
Ah, look who wants to take a deep dive
into my personal life all of a sudden.
Man, if you knew how many inmate stories
I've had to listen to
over and over again, you
Never mind. You take care.
Hey! Hold up.
I'm just playing with you.
All right, look, my
My moms is coming to get me.
How 'bout you?
Well, I attempted to call my parents.
It's been so long since we talked,
I forgot their number.
I just tried dialing,
hoping muscle memory would kick in.
Ended up calling a Walgreens.
Chatted with the pharmacist for a spell.
Dale. Solid dude. Funny.
Yeah.
I'll tell you what,
give me that 40 bucks,
and you can stay at my mom's
place for a couple of nights.
Are you serious?
Thank you so much.
Could I keep 40 cents?
I've been really dreaming about buying
a pack of Fruit Stripe gum
for a long time.
No.
- Hey, Mommy.
- Hey, shithead.
I thought you said you quit smoking.
I say a lot of things.
Come on.
Let me tell you,
the world is upside down right now.
Grocery stores are stripped bare.
Restaurants are closed.
We're all cooped up
like a bunch of mental patients.
Been the worst ten days of my life.
Mommy hold up a second.
Hey, girl, you need a ride?
What's your name again?
Jack.
Mine's Barb. Like the wire
with the little spikes on it.
What were you in for?
Selling weed.
Weed?
Weed's practically legal
as long as you say you're anorexic,
or you have PTSD or something.
Well, it wasn't legal in 1994,
when they had mandatory
minimum drug sentences.
Shit.
Twenty-six years!
Yeah.
That's a full Kendall Jenner.
A what?
A famous chick.
Her dad was an Olympic guy
who's now a woman
who's hotter than me.
- Hmm.
- You got a lot of catching up to do.
I'm just saying, it doesn't really sound
like you got a lot of options.
I'm offering you a place to stay,
and the only thing I want in return
is all the money that you got.
This virus thing is serious, huh?
I guess.
Trump's on TV twice a day.
Oh, yeah, the rich guy.
He's President, huh?
- Is he good?
- I don't know.
He's funny.
She's going to crash with us, Ma.
And that makes four.
Hope you guys like canasta.
- Hi.
- Hello.
Tesla! My first Tesla!
This is a cute neighborhood.
You guys live around here?
No, just taking the scenic route.
Rooster, keep your eyes peeled.
So, sweetie,
what'd you get locked up for?
Credit card cloning.
Identity theft, conspiracy to
commit wire fraud,
and wire fraud.
At least you follow through.
- Brick house.
- Take the wheel.
Were either of you guys in "D" block?
Yeah, we both were. Why?
That's where my man is.
Do you guys know a guy named Jack?
His name is Jack.
Well
A different Jack, different Jack.
This one is six-foot-six, 28 years old.
He's ripped.
He says he looks like a cross
between The Rock and
Alex Rodriguez.
I used to have to listen
to this fool
whisper all that bullshit
through the toilet.
I'm sorry.
- Is this even your dick?
- I'll tell you, let me see.
That's my dick.
I thought you told me
this picture was for your sister.
- Why didn't you take one of yours?
- Mine's camera shy.
Why is there a picture of
your freckled pecker in my car?
What are we doing at Melvin's?
I need toilet paper. You can't
buy any in the stores anymore.
People panicked and scooped it all up,
leaving the rest of us to improvise.
Had to throw away
a perfectly good oven mitt last night.
Should we be wearing masks?
Depends on which channel you watch.
I'm waiting for Dr. Phil to chime in
before I go out and buy one.
They're not easy to find.
Dug this one out of a Dumpster
at a construction site.
Forty bucks for two lousy rolls?
- Yeah, prices went up.
- Since when?
Since my supplier at the motel
got her dumb ass fired
for stealing toilet paper.
How is your mother?
Good. Looking for work.
Well, here we are. Home, sweet home.
There's a shelter-in-place order.
We're trying to flatten the curve.
Why don't you mind your
own business
before I flatten your nose,
you nosey old bitch.
Ohhh! Garbage cans got fancy.
What other colors can you get?
Pickles!
He's dead.
Just put that stuff in the dining room
with the rest of my loot.
Wow, you've been busy.
Business is booming
since everyone can't go to the store.
Gotta make hay while the sun shines.
All right, let me give you the tour.
This is the kitchen.
Dinner's usually around seven.
Do either of you have any allergies
or things that you're intolerant of,
such as gluten or dairy?
I'm not a huge fan of mayo.
Well, my condolences,
as that's a staple here.
What's a gluten?
TV gets most of the local channels,
but if you're somebody
who just can't live without CBS,
then you gotta get the ladder to
climb onto the roof to point
the antenna towards the water tower.
Be careful if it's raining, though.
Rooster's father broke his neck trying
to watch Blue Bloods, God rest his soul.
You look a lot like your father.
Yeah, I got my dad's looks
and my mother's thirst for adventure.
It's a pretty good one-two punch.
This is Rooster's bedroom.
Between bouncing in and out
of juvie and now prison,
he's never been home
long enough to redecorate.
Hey, what happened to
my Dora the Explorer drapes?
Did you not hear what I said
about the toilet paper shortage?
This is my bedroom which brings me
to the most important house rule.
Don't come in here
looking to slip a cock in me.
I'm in a committed relationship
with someone I met online,
and I am for once in my life
trying to remain faithful.
The problem is
I have a weakness for bad boys.
I sometimes get lonely.
I will on occasion treat myself
to half a box of chardonnay.
Now, any one of these things
by itself, I can handle,
but on a night when all three
combine forces,
I tend to get a little grabby.
So, just be prepared
to put up a bit of a fight.
Nonessential stores are closed,
but you can help yourselves
to my parents hand-me-downs.
They locked into their
fashion choices in the mid-'70s,
so prepare to look like
the Partridge Family.
There may even be a tambourine in there.
This was Rooster's twin brothers' room
before they moved to Mexico
with dreams of joining a cartel.
Odds aren't great they're coming back.
They used to fight all the time,
so I put in the drywall
to keep them from killing each other.
If one of you snores, you might
want to plug up the bullet holes.
Who wants the side with the doorknob?
Uh you can have it.
I'll feel more at home if I'm locked in.
What's that noise?
You know Phillipe, the grocery
store bagger with the milky eye
who got into all that trouble
for sitting outside the high school
and offering girls
rides home on his moped?
- Yeah.
- He's a hero now.
Delivers Bugles right to your doorstep.
Hmm.
Why was Rooster's dick under my pillow?
Rooster said you liked it,
so I thought you might want it back.
Unless of course
you prefer the real thing.
I wouldn't mind a grandbaby.
Look into adopting.
Me having sex with your son
is the last thing that's gonna happen.
What's the first thing?
I'd like to get started
so we can get to the last thing
as soon as possible.
I kind of like these vintage clothes.
Or as someone of your advanced age
would call them, clothes.
Look, I'm really sorry.
I should have been honest with you.
- I'm over it.
- Oh, okay.
And just to be clear,
you and I are no longer
A couple? No, we're not.
Got it.
Can't believe this lady's
letting us stay here.
Do you think she's crazy?
Allowing a couple ex-cons to move
into her house, no questions asked?
I wouldn't put her on
the high end of the sanity scale,
but we have no choice.
This is serious.
- What?
- The thing. The virus.
It's it's not good.
And as experts continue
to debate the use of masks,
Dr. Fauci has encouraged
frequent handwashing
while cautioning Americans
against touching their faces.
We can't touch our faces?
I guess not.
Well, now all I want to do
is touch my face.
Everything's itching.
Relax.
The news just likes to play
on your emotions to keep you watching.
And to end our newscast
on a brighter note,
here's Todd McGillroy
with "Hometown Heroes".
There you go. Look.
After they scared you,
they try and make you happy again.
Here at Kimberton Memorial Hospital,
the overworked nursing staff
can't wait to get home and rest.
But for Lindsey Barton,
home is only a few steps away.
My mother's been
watching the kids while I work,
and I can't risk exposing her
to the virus.
Sleeping in the car is doable.
The tough part's
not being able to see my kids.
But even though she can't see them,
she can still keep her promise
of reading them a bedtime story.
"Rumble, tumble blocks and roaring tigers.
Funny tummy chuckle,
and a big boo to you".
My son understands
why I'm not there, but
my youngest is pretty confused
why she can only hear Mommy's voice.
Good night, guys.
I love you. Be good.
Are you crying?
Yes, I'm crying.
How are you not crying?
I thought this was
supposed to make me happy.
Dinner's ready.
Contrary to what that asshole
Guy Fieri might say,
this is my famous
John Wayne casserole.
Ohh!
Ground beef, cheese,
vegetables, jalapenos,
all baked on top of a biscuit crust.
If anyone in your family
has a history of heart disease,
you might want to see an extra prayer.
So, you're religious.
I pray, if that's what you mean.
Works, too.
I asked God to not let
my baby rot in prison
for the rest of his life
for stealing an ice cream truck.
And here he is.
You think God created a worldwide pandemic
just to get your son out of prison?
He works in mysterious ways.
And now that He's brought me a crew
- A what?
- A crew.
A crime family. Us.
I'm thinking after dinner,
we visit Melvin's place
and steal us some toilet paper.
Sweet.
You guys can do that, I guess,
but I'm I'm probably
gonna hang back, if that's cool.
No, that's not cool.
If there's any surprises,
we need numbers.
You're living under my roof,
and from the generous helping
of John Wayne on that plate,
I assume you'll also be using
more than your fair share
of the toilet paper.
Did I take too much?
I'm sorry I didn't
In prison, it just goes by the size
of the section on your tray.
God, eat all you want.
But you'll have to earn your keep.
Yeah, OK, I I hear that, it's just
I'm I'm I'm not really a criminal.
I got incarcerated for selling weed.
I never stole from anyone
or hurt anyone.
It's just not my vibe.
So, you think you're better than us?
No, I didn't say that. It's just
I'm I'm not
Look, according to the news,
everyone is suffering one way or another.
Seems like everybody should be
helping each other, not stealing.
People suffering's nothing new.
That's life.
You wake up, you suffer, you drink,
you go to sleep.
Just because there's a nasty case
of the sniffles going around
doesn't mean people are gonna change.
I saw in the newspaper
how some politicians
who knew about this months ago
are pocketing millions
dumping stocks and telling the public
that everything's gonna be fine.
- Well, that's terrible.
- That's America.
Keep your head on a swivel,
and keep your eye out
for opportunities to get what's yours.
And Melvin deserves to get robbed.
He's the reason no one around here
can wipe their ass
without dipping into
their 401 retirement thingy.
J.
We're gonna steal more
than toilet paper, though, right?
You said he gets paid in cash.
I like this chick.
Are you serious?
You told me you were done with crime.
And you told me you were 20 years younger,
six inches taller, and had a tattoo
of a dragon on your back.
We are all adapting.
I have a dragonfly
on my upper inner thigh.
She's right.
I bet Melvin is making bank.
I say we pack some heat
and have him take us to the cash.
So now we got guns?
Armed robbery, possible kidnapping.
That's your plan.
I like it. 'Cept someone
other than Rooster holds the gun.
The last time we robbed a place,
I got shot in the back of the thigh
before we even got in the pet store.
I barely nicked you.
You didn't even notice it
until you took a shower the next morning.
All right, look, you guys
can do what you want,
but I just spent 26 years in prison,
and I'm not going back.
I've been dreaming
about too many things:
walking in the grass with bare feet,
sitting under the stars.
Drinking water that doesn't
smell like rotten eggs.
This is delicious, by the way.
- So you're out?
- I'm out.
Then get the hell out.
Come on. Seriously?
I'm starving.
And the virus is out there.
You'll be fine.
Just hold your breath
and try not to touch nothing.
So, what's the plan?
Well, I'm with Rooster.
I say we drive over
there after dessert
and one of you two
stick a gun in his face.
- Is there a dessert?
- Gummy worm cobbler.
Hey, buddy, would you mind
putting this in the machine for me?
Does the dollar have that virus on it?
Uh, I'm not sure.
I think you're on your own
with that, man.
You understand that you just
touched every little thing on that machine
with the outside of your shirt,
including the mint you put in your mouth.
Melvin knows me,
so I'll have to wait in my car,
but he doesn't know Gloria,
and he still thinks Rooster's in jail.
So, as long as Rooster wears a mask,
we should be cool.
You're gonna get caught.
I said get out.
You're gonna get caught or killed.
It's a shitty plan.
First of all, you drive
a 1976 AMC Pacer that backfires.
Everyone's gonna notice you.
Do you even know if this guy
has a security system?
Does he keep his money in a safe,
or does he put it in a bank?
We need a better plan.
We? So you're in?
I don't have a choice
if I don't want to catch this virus
while dying of starvation.
But I'm not going back to jail,
so if we're gonna do this,
we need to do it right.
And you know how to do it right?
I thought you weren't a criminal.
I'm not. But you don't spend
26 years in prison
without learning a few things.
Now with your newer cars,
you got to deal with factory alarms
and more complicated ignitions.
Older models,
they're easier to get into.
You know how to hotwire a car?
Nope. I'm in here for selling weed.
First thing you got to do
is find the ignition wire.
If you're gonna rob someone,
you need to be patient, okay?
People are creatures of habit,
so it usually doesn't take too long
to figure out what those habits are.
Just keep your distance, be patient,
and follow your victim's every move.
And keep in mind, there are really only
three things you need to know for sure.
You need to find out
where they keep their money
what they do at night
and when they go to sleep.
Once you know the routine,
that's when you come up with the plan.
So, how'd you get caught, then?
Oh, I didn't get busted for stealing.
I strangled my brother when I found out
he was banging my husband.
- Ohh.
- Yeah.
Robbing an ATM? How's that work?
They sell high-tech shit that can
intercept people's ATM pin code.
But you don't need all that.
You can just set up your camera nearby,
capture someone's code easy.
Just make sure the camera's
pointed at the keypad,
and the next time they enter their code,
you're good to go.
Larceny of a cat?
I would have gotten away with it
if my sister didn't have
one of them stupid video doorbells.
From now on,
I'm climbing in through windows.
That's why you got to work on your calves.
Come on, don't quit.
Yep, one more.
Two of my victims are already drunk,
but I still didn't like to take chances.
Did you know you can make chloroform
with various items
you can find in most people's kitchens?
I learned that
on an episode of Law and Order.
First thing you need is some bleach.
I think there was
something wrong with that sushi.
Where'd you say you found it again?
- Wiggles?
- You know this chick?
She's Rooster's trashy ex-girlfriend.
Makes sense she's banging
a dirtbag like Melvin.
Maybe they're just friends?
Come on, we're on the clock here.
After you steal
the ATM card, grab your camera,
and it's time to make a withdrawal.
But timing is crucial.
Now, the thing to remember about ATM cards
is that you want to max
them out just before midnight.
Then, when the daily limit resets itself,
you can hit it again.
Depending on the person's limit,
that can mean
an extra thousand bucks, easy.
A lot of people in here believe
there's no such thing
as the perfect crime.
I disagree.
A perfect crime is a crime that
nobody even knows happened.
Ha!
Barb, we're just taking the money.
Grabbing it from the back of the stack.
He'll never know.
That way, it doesn't matter
where you leave your fingerprints
or how many
pictures the camera took
because if no one reports a crime,
nobody's gonna try to solve it, either.
Oh, weird, I dreamt
that I came out of the bathroom
and smelled bleach and then passed out.
Yeah. Last night was just a dream.
Just a weird dream.
Not bad.
- Not bad at all.
- It's a start.
What are you gonna do
with your share, Ma?
I'm gonna wait a few weeks
until this virus blows over,
and then I'm gonna go on a cruise
with my online boyfriend,
Jean Michel Duklon.
Finally get some real loving.
We talk dirty over email,
and I'm getting tired of diddling
my bean with my reading glasses on.
Right, and then I see the disinfectant.
It knocks it out in a minute, one minute,
and is there a way
we can do something like that?
By injection inside or
or almost a cleaning?
'Cause you see it gets in the lungs,
and it does a tremendous number on them,
so it'd be interesting to check that.
So that, you're gonna have to use
medical doctors with.
But it sounds
it sounds interesting to me.
Hmm.
Doctors have warned that Trump's
theory of using household cleaners
to rid your body of the coronavirus
is not
You missed dinner.
Everyone loved it.
I made my second favorite dish,
Duke Takes a Dive.
It's basically John Wayne casserole,
but with tuna.
Where you been?
Oh, just, uh, exploring the town.
Been stuck in prison half my life.
Felt good to go for a walk,
not have to turn left every 46 paces.
Mmm.
severe vomiting or death.
And finally tonight,
remember the nurse
who was sleeping in her car?
Well, that story has developed
into a bit of a Channel 10 mystery.
I can't explain it.
It was just sitting there
on the front seat.
When I told my mother,
she said she found another one
just like it on the front porch.
I guess someone just felt generous.
Someone certainly did.
And now Lindsey's kids don't have to
just listen to Mommy tell bedtime stories,
they get to see her as well.
"Then he nibbled a hole in the cocoon,
pushed his way out,
and he was a beautiful butterfly".
Good night, guys.
Mommy loves you.
- I love you, Mommy.
- I love you, Mommy.
Good night.
So damn cute.
Rooster, I love you!
Rooster!
What?
- I love you.
- Love you too.
Ohh.
We should talk about our next job.
Since Mother Teresa over here
will only steal from bad people,
I took the liberty of writing up
a list of douchebags in the area.
Maybe we shouldn't be thinking so small.
Those politicians you mentioned,
who were dumping stocks
while lying about the virus,
turns out one of them's
from around here
and she is a loaded.
Well. That's a fly in the ointment
we're going to have to swat.