Such Brave Girls (2023) s01e01 Episode Script

1
This programme contains
strong language, adult humour,
and some scenes of a sexual nature
PHONE ALERT, VIBRATES
PHONE ALERT, VIBRATES
Well, can you check it?
"Hello, Deb. Just in the toilets,
"thinking about you. Love, Dev."
Aww, he's sweet.
Worth the effort from all of us.
Yes?
You said you have to keep your eyes
shut when you have sex with him.
Yeah, I do,
but he's got a massive house.
Massive.
Massive.
ON RADIO: # I'm all the way up
I swear you'll never bring me down
# Shout out to my ex #
RADIO OFF
Sorry, I really can't handle
sad music right now.
It's Little Mix. Yeah, exactly.
Oh, God,
you're not going to have another one
of your bloody episodes, are you?
I think it's already started.
Well, this time, can you try
and not drag everyone
into your vortex of misery, please?
HEAVY THUD
Just get in the back, Josie.
ENGINE STARTS
Late. Good day?
Drive. I'm just going to let these
kids go past.
Kill them.
DEB HUMS
What the fuck?
Is that Nicky? Who's he with?
Look at her!
Look at her horrible eyebrows!
Wow, she's fit.
Oh, well, why don't you just finger
her, then? Sorry.
I'm going to kill myself.
Don't let him see me!
You don't need to be so dramatic.
Oh, God. I'm going to be sick.
It's coming.
SHE RETCHES
It's fucking coming.
As a woman, you really shouldn't
tie your self-esteem to a man.
I'm going to cut my wrists
and send him a picture.
For God's sake.
Josie, will you tell her?
Yeah, no, I actually tried that
with Georgia.
I bled all the way from Crawley
to Bristol,
and she didn't even offer
to pay for the Megabus back
or anything.
Listen, girls, I know it's hard,
but as you get older, you'll learn
to love with less of your heart.
Less and less,
until eventually there's
nothing left any more. OK?
No.
You just haven't met "the one".
He's the love of my life.
WHISPERS: Wash the blade first.
KNOCK AT DOOR
Now, remember, girls, be normal.
We like this one.
WHISPERING: I'm going to call him
Daddy. I'm going to call him Daddy,
but, like, only in a sexual way.
And, Josie, keep it light.
DOOR OPENS
Dev!
So it was at that point
they put me on my mirtazapine.
Right?
Which actually,
I think more like
..masks the issue rather than
dealing with the root cause of it,
if you get me.
Do you know what I mean?
Like,
I don't really feel any happier,
I just want to eat Frosties,
literally, all the time.
Would you like to see my
hospital pyjamas?
Uh
Mum, she's talking
about her mental health again.
Oh, for fuck's sake! Not to Dev!
Guess what colour they are.
Dinner is ready. Now.
Oh, lovely!
DEV CHUCKLES GENTLY
Don't you dare.
I shouldn't have to hide
my depression.
And I shouldn't have to hide
the stress shingles on my arse
with a Compeed,
but we all make sacrifices.
LOUD GRINDING
P-FF-RT!
Costs more than my wine, that does.
Sorry.
P-FF-RRRT! P-FF-RT! P-FF-RT!
TV: Pole with a flat blade
used to row a boat.
Three, noble gas with the atomic
number 86.
Anyone like a Mini Milk? Yeah.
Keep staring like that, and
I will slit your throat in your bed.
Can I get a hand, please, Dev?
Oh, of course.
Jose, I need to ask you something.
Yeah.
And I need you to answer honestly.
OK. Seriously,
even if it's something
that I'm not going to like. OK.
Do you think Nicky's moved on?
Yes. No, because he hasn't
actually broken up with me,
that's the thing.
He just asked for space.
Yeah, but I kind of feel like asking
for space is just the thing you do
before accepting
your relationship is dead.
What? Well, it's a bit like, um,
you'd only have, like, leftovers
that you're never actually going
to finish, so you just put them
in Tupperware and leave them
in the fridge and they just go off
in the fridge, right?
When really you should just put them
straight in the bin.
It's a bit like that.
It's in the bin.
He's really not worth obsessing
over. I'm not obsessed.
I just can't live without him.
Mm. I gave him everything. Mm.
I had sex with him
literally all the time,
even when I really didn't want to.
Yeah. Yeah, cos that's what love is.
That's what love is. Yeah.
I'm going to go to his birthday
party, win him back. I love that.
Yeah, you should definitely do that.
He's obviously forgotten
I'm a ten and he's a two. Yeah,
I think so. I've just got to remind
him. Jose, we're soulmates.
Yeah. And if he doesn't take me
back, I will kill myself.
Cool.
Do you want a strawberry
or chocolate Mini Milk?
Strawberry, please. OK.
DEB BREATHES QUICKLY
That's it, that's it.
That's it.
DEB MOANS
Well?
Pudding's cancelled.
What's wrong? Sorry.
I'm not sure what's happened there.
Hmm.
Do you want a beer?
Er, no, no.
I just brushed my teeth, so
To be honest with you,
I think it might be something
to do with Josie.
It's her face.
It's justso sad.
Oh, that's just her personality.
Trust me, she likes being depressed.
Oh, well, it's put me off a bit.
Put me off my game.
Oh, all right.
See, a girl her age, it's not
right and, er
I'm not sure
it's healthy to be round it.
See, Joe Rogan,
he says depression is contagious.
And I've just got too much
on at work
to becatching that.
Hmm?
Of course.
Could you just?
Sorry. Thanks.
GOOD MORNING!
Time for work.
I don't think I'm up to it.
I'm just not creatively
fulfilled in retail.
Josie, we've talked about this.
Work isn't about fulfilment,
it's about earning money
so you can buy stuff that makes
you FEEL fulfilled.
I think No, no, stop.
Too much thinking.
No wonder you feel a bit sad.
Just have a cup of tea, pop some
deodorant on and stop thinking.
But Trust me. Stop thinking.
Do you see ME thinking?
No. It's not good for you.
Your brain is the enemy,
so just stop.
And can you try and smile a bit
more when you're with us?
Dev says he finds you a haunting
presence,
and I'd prefer if his libido wasn't
dragged down by your face.
There she is,
ready for the big wide world.
DEB SNIFFS
Have you farted?
Well, I can't do it in MY room -
Dev's in there.
Please don't make me go inside.
I think I'm having a panic attack.
Yeah. My tits feel really tight.
Do other people really just walk
around pretending they're absolutely
fine when everything inside their
head is on fire?
I genuinely think
I'd rather be dead
than if I've got to spend the rest
of my life smiling and pretending
like I'm someone else.
Get out of the fucking car.
Ah-ha! Found you!
You've been off for ages.
Where you been?
Really shouldn't talk about it.
Methinks the girl is troubled.
I don't want to suck you
into my vortex.
Come on. I've made a hot choccy
and everything.
Talk to me.
OK, well, Mum's got
this new boyfriend called Dev.
Right? And he's really nice and
I really thought we were getting on.
But then, basically, Mum came in
this morning and told me
that my face was actually
preventing him
from being able to get an erection,
which is an issue
cos he's got a massive house.
I think the problem was
that I walked in on him
fingering her in the kitchen,
bent over the toaster.
BREATHES SHAKILY
But I didn't mean
to make him uncomfortable.
I just wanted to talk to him.
And how did it go?
Well, it was like he was trying
to birth a lamb
but the lamb didn't want
to come out yet.
No, I meant talkingto him.
Oh. Well, we didn't get that far.
I think we were both
a bit distracted.
Do youdo you really think
my face could prevent him
getting an erection?
I don't know.
Oh. This is actually, um, cold.
I'm just going to go and reheat.
BILLIE SIGHS
What does he see in her?
Who?
Bianca. I found her.
Don't wipe it on my bed.
What is it about her?
I don't know.
She seems quite happy.
And she's so fucking thin.
I hate that. I know.
Where's all the damage? What
the fuck does she even talk about?
I guess we just have to remember
that most people aren't wet
for trauma like we are.
But trauma's all we've got.
I know.
OK. How do I be more like her?
Don't worry. She's basic.
She's "live, laugh, love". We're
death, silence, hate.
They'll go out for a bit,
she'll break his heart,
he'll be alone and vulnerable,
and that's when we strike.
And what the fuck am I supposed
to do in the meantime? I don't know.
Stop texting him
and leave him alone for a bit?
THEY LAUGH
OK, be serious!
Do you think I shouldn't go
to the party?
No, you should,
you look really skinny.
Not skinny like HER, though.
Yep, really skinny.
Everyone's worried -
we all talked about it.
Really?
Mum's going to try and fix my
depression tomorrow
by taking me shopping.
Oh, my God,
you're stealing my move. What?
Yeah, sometimes I just pretend
I'm going to kill myself,
she takes me out for a new jacket
and a Wagamama.
That's amazing!
What about this?
No, it's toostraight.
Well, think how feminine you'd look,
though.
Hides your arms.
This one? No.
Dresses like that don't suit me.
I look like a milkmaid.
Why are you so weird
about your body?
Try it on.
It'll hide your round shoulders.
I don't want to.
Try it on! I don't want to!
I don't like it.
Please don't shout,
or I'll have a panic attack.
Why are you so anxious?
Cos I'm traumatised by my
childhood.
No, that can't be it.
You must be having too much coffee.
Now, get in there and try
the fucking dress on,
or I swear to God, I will scream the
place down! Can I help? Yes.
My daughter won't try the dress on.
Why won't you try the dress on?
All right, fine,
I'll try the fucking dress on, OK?!
You look lovely!
I'm buying it.
OK
Doesn't that feel good?
It does a bit.
Mum, we don't have that much money.
You're using a clothes peg
as a hairclip.
It's fine.
It's quite a rush, isn't it?
Exactly.
New clothes are really exciting, cos
you haven't had the chance to create
any sad memories wearing them yet.
I could be a new me.
A better me. Now you're getting it.
Oh, it's starting to wear off
a bit now.
I feel a bit sad again.
Well, that's why we go back next
week. Oh, OK. As long as you don't
think it's unhealthy to try and fix
mental health problems
by throwing money we don't have
into an ever-growing void.
Accessories.
Billie. Mm.
Billie? Hmm?
How much? £27.
And Mum paid for it.
She cried until they gave her
a discount, though, right? Nope.
Honestly, she got out her card
and she paid.
It was like a film.
Money must have come through
from the roof insurance scam.
Oh Right,
so I spent four hours on Bianca's
Instagram and I realised
what Nicky's been trying to tell me.
What? It's her hair.
He likes blondes.
Bleached blondes.
OK? So guess what. What?
We're going blonde.
We've got three hours before the
party, and it better look good
or I'm going to tell Mum
where you've hidden the pills. OK.
Are you sure you want to do this?
Do you remember how mine looked?
But you've got such thin hair,
so it was always going to look
different.
Plus, you didn't know whether to put
it on your head or to drink it.
I was kept in a psych ward
overnight.
Oh, my God, are we EVER going
to stop talking
about your mental health?
BILLIE SIGHS
EXACTLY like her, yeah?
Really look at it, Jose.
Remember - fucking fit.
Got it. OK.
What do I have to do?
Right, you mix the powder
with the goo so it goes burny.
Is that what it says in the leaflet?
Yeah.
Then, when it's all on, that's when
you put the hat on my head.
That bit's really important,
so it cooks.
Do you mean the Asda bag?
Yes, the hat.
Stinks in here.
Sorry.
TOILET FLUSHES
KNOCK AT DOOR
Hi, Dev.
Hello.
Do you like my new dress?
Uh, yes.
Youyou look very jolly.
Doesn't she look like Reese
Witherspoon, but more feminine?
How's my big man? All the
better for seeing you, sexy bum.
I think maybe we should
have a look
at something in the kitchen?
Thanks for doing this, by the way.
You're welcome.
It's nice, isn't it,
spending time together?
Why do you always have to make
things so fucking weird? Sorry.
This is going to look so good,
though, isn't it?
Yeah. Cos that's feminism.
If it hurts loads,
it must be worth doing.
Umyeah.
He's not going to know
what to do with himself
now that I'm bleached blonde with
big tits.
So much blood is going to rush
to his dick,
he's going to get brain damage.
Bianca is fucked.
She's going to end up
in a psych ward like you.
You're foaming at the mouth.
Yeah.
It's really fucking stinging now.
Where would you say
on, like, a scale?
Like a seven.
OK, seven's not so bad.
Now it's on the roots, anyway.
OK, it's gone up.
Eight.
8.5.
Nine.
Oh, no, does it hurt?
BILLIE WHINES
WAILS: 9.5!
Josie seems much chirpier.
Oh, yes.
They're both in great spirits.
My two happy little girls!
THEY CHUCKLE
Oh, my God, it burns!
SHE GASPS AND PANTS
I don't know
how other women go through what
we go through for men.
I do this all for you, Nicky.
This is all for you.
Nearly done.
This is what you wanted!
OK.
Finished.
Is it stretchy?
Remember to check.
Is it?
A bit.
OK, I'm just going to put
the hat on now.
BAG RUSTLES
I have never been in this much
pain in my entire life.
I can't breathe.
I think I'm going to die.
I look incredible, right?
Oh, my God. Wow!
I mean, I'm your sister,
and I'm horny.
Don't wait up!
DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES
TV: Modernity and warmth reflecting
each family's unique personality
and, of course,
their passion for cooking.
Join us next time
as we venture into
TV OFF
See, it's interesting they went with
the granite countertops in the end
because they're not as durable
as they should be. Mm.
That is so interesting, Dev.
Yes, isn't it, Josie?
WHISPERS: Good girl.
I decided on Silestone in the end.
It's a bit less trendy, but, um,
as I always say,
function over fashion.
It'll look gorgeous
when it's finished.
Yes. Yes, yes, it is.
You see, people often rush
the finish, but that's actually
where you maximise your yield. Mm.
Um, and that reminds me,
since you're so artistic, Deb,
perhaps you'd like to help me pick
out the tiles for the backsplash?
Love to!
THEY CHUCKLE QUIETLY
Right, well,
I'm going to have a fag
andthen maybean early night,
sexy bum.
WHISPERS: It's happening, Josie!
DOOR SLAMS
BILLIE: You fucking bitch!
You said you NEEDED the hat,
so the hair cooks.
Why didn't you tell me
I had Asda on the back
of my head?!
UmI'm afraid of confrontation?
Well, you're going to get one now.
I'm going to fucking kill you!
GRUNTING
Stop it!
Stop it!
Agh!
Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!
Ugh! Ugh!
I think I'm having a panic attack.
Not the ketchup!
Not my dress! Oh,
you look like a fucking milkmaid!
It costs more than my wine!
Stop being pig women!
Do you see what you've done, Josie?
Right, that's it.
I'm really going to do it this time.
It's happening.
I'm going to fucking do it.
All OK?
Yes. Erm
Billie just wants to go to Wagamama.
Hello. I'd just like to return
this, please. Yeah, of course.
Anything wrong with that?
No, nothing.
Just didn't suit her.
Not feminine enough.
Oh.
Er
Yeah,
I don't think we can accept this.
Girls, can you just wait outside,
please?
Sorry.
DEB CRIES
It's just that my husband's left
us, with quite a lot of debt
and, um, we're just trying to be
really brave about it.
Just
DEB SOBS
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry your hair didn't win Nicky
back.
He was bad news anyway.
No, he was perfect.
Exactly my type.
Drug dealer who looked like
he wanted to hurt me.
Daddy?
Daddy.
He did have great chat, though,
didn't he? Great chat.
That doesn't mean
he's allowed to be a dick.
Yeah.
Can I tell you a secret?
Yeah.
Literally never wore a condom once.
That's classic Nicky.
Not once? Didn't like them.
He said they'd end up in the ocean
and dolphins can choke on them.
Billie, that's really bad.
What if you're like?
No, there's no chance.
Because your body has to be, like,
totally ready to be pregnant.
Mine's just not ready.
Honestly, I've been so stressed,
I haven't had a period for, like,
two months, so don't worry, OK?
Everything's going to be fine.
I'm just going to check the sale
before they close.