The Big Show Show (2020) s01e01 Episode Script

- [upbeat pop music playing]
- [plane engine hums]
[music fades]
And that's why I named my eighth poodle
- after my fourth husband.
- [audience laughs]
That's great, Dorothy,
but you know the ding just means
the passenger seat belt sign is off,
not that it's time to share.
- [audience laughs]
- Not in my day! [chuckles]
So, what brings you to Tampa, Lola?
Um, I'm actually moving there
to live with my dad.
He just retired.
Oh! What did he do?
He was kind of an entertainer.
Ooh Like Celine Dion?
- [audience laughs]
- ["Mr. Big Show" rock theme plays]
- [crowd cheers]
- [announcer] Look at that!
[body thuds]
[announcer 2] The Big Show
has won
- the US title!
- [sparks hiss]
- [rock music stops abruptly]
- Yep, just like Celine Dion.
- [audience laughs]
- If Celine Dion ate an entire Vegas buffet
- of Celine Dions.
- [audience laughs]
So now your dad's retired,
what is he doing?
I think he's got his hands
in a lot of stuff.
Done, boom, yes!
- Dad, this is not a French braid.
- [audience laughs]
Oh, man,
I don't know why this is so hard.
There's something wrong with your hair.
I used to braid Mick Foley's hair
all the time.
And he loved it.
- [audience laughs]
- I've said it before
and I'll say it again.
Stop comparing me to Mick Foley.
- [audience laughs]
- Good morning. How's my Big Show?
And my little show Oh.
[audience laughs]
[sighs] So, I went on this amazing run
this morning
and I tried to jog
through the Starbucks drive-through again.
- [audience laughs]
- Got into a real spicy conversation
with the manager.
Long story short,
we are banned from that Starbucks.
But that's my favorite Starbucks!
They always sneak me day-old cake pops.
- [audience laughs]
- [laughs] Well, if you wanna go there,
you'll have to wear a disguise.
Look at me.
What kind of disguise
could I possibly wear?
[scoffs] Shrek? Hulk?
Kool-Aid Man? Giant potato?
I could do this all day.
[audience laughs]
You know what, there's a Starbucks
near the airport.
Ooh, yeah, about that,
I can't go to the airport today
to pick up Lola with you.
No! You have to!
Lola's not just visiting this time,
she's actually moving in with us.
Everything has to be perfect!
- And it will be! Don't worry.
- [audience laughs]
Just you being there
will be enough. [kisses]
No, it won't! I need you.
You class me up, Cassy.
You talked me out of wearing cargo shorts
for our wedding.
- [audience laughs]
- But not to the reception.
- [audience laughs]
- Look, I'm sorry I can't go with you,
but I have a really good reason.
I finally got the Litman listing.
The house where the old lady died?
Isn't that place super haunted?
[scoffs] That's just a myth
that turned out to be true.
- [audience laughs]
- Look, no one's ever been able
to sell that place.
I sell it, I finally get my face
on a bus bench.
You know, I've had my face on a bus bench.
It sucks. It's just butts, all day long.
ADB. All Day Butts.
- [JJ giggles]
- [audience laughs]
Can I go to the airport?
I love the smell of jet fuel
in the morning.
Uh, no, JJ, you can go to school.
I'm just psyched
to be getting a big sister.
What are you talking about?
You already have a big sister.
Me!
Oh, my God, I am losing my identity.
Guys, MSS
is a legit problem.
- [audience laughs]
- MSS?
Middle Sister Syndrome.
It's real and it affects
one in three children
- of three-children households.
- [audience laughs]
Okay, I think we're being
a little dramatic.
Dramatic?
I am not dramatic.
Do you all really think that I'm dramatic?
Tell me right now
or I will run away forever.
Nobody say anything,
- let's see if she's bluffing.
- [audience laughs]
Okay, we have a few minutes before school.
I think I know who will cheer you up,
if you're game, Doctor Mandy.
Seriously? Do we have time?
Oh, we'll make time.
- [audience laughs]
- Doctor,
there's something terribly wrong
with our patient!
- [suspenseful music plays]
- You just gave her the one dose, right?
- [audience laughs]
- [growling]
[Big Show's gruff voice]
Need more candy!
[yelling] Run! It's Giant JJ!
- [Cassy and Mandy scream]
- [Big Show's gruff voice] Need more candy!
- [continued growling and screaming]
- [audience laughs]
[Big Show's gruff voice] Need more candy!
[suspenseful music continues]
[Big Show's gruff voice] Candy!
- [music ends]
- [bells ding]
[upbeat pop opening credits playing]
Okay, today's the day.
We gotta tell Mandy
she's moving in with JJ,
and give her room to Lola.
[sighs] Do we have to? She is scary.
Especially when she goes into silent mode.
- [audience laughs]
- Please, I'm not scared of a tween.
I'm only scared of two things:
mascots and shopping for jeans
at Banana Republic.
[audience laughs]
Hey, what's up?
Mandy!
Your mom wants to talk to you.
- [audience laughs]
- That is a straight up lie.
- [audience laughs]
- [Big Show sighs]
Okay.
I'm the dad and what I say goes.
Lola's getting your room.
You know, 'cause Lola's only spent
summer vacations with us.
[audience laughs]
- [continued laughing]
- [Big Show sighs]
You know, 'cause we promised
she'd have her own room?
Okay, great talk, honey. Love you!
[audience laughs]
Ooh!
- [chuckles] That was tough to watch.
- [door closes]
She crushed you.
- [audience laughs]
- You need a hug?
Yes, please.
[audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music playing]
- [music fades]
- [JJ sneezes]
I know that sneeze.
- [audience laughs]
- JJ!
[balloon rustling]
Oh, hey, Dad.
So before you get upset, just hear me out.
- I got nothing.
- [audience laughs]
I just wanted
to come pick up Lola with you.
"Aw, JJ!
That's so sweet!"
- [audience laughs]
- You can't do your own reaction.
And you can't skip school.
You're in a lot of trouble, young lady.
I brought a confetti cannon.
You're in a little less trouble,
young lady. Come on!
[audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music playing]
- [music fades]
- Hey!
[stammering] You're that wrestler guy.
John Cena.
- [audience laughs]
- John Cena?
Do I look like a guy
that wakes up twice a night to moisturize?
- [audience laughs]
- Dude, this is The Big Show.
Yes, I'm a huge fan!
Officer Lance Johnson.
Can I have your autograph?
Hit the bricks, Johnson.
My dad's a busy man.
- [audience laughs]
- [chuckling] No, I'm not.
It'd be my pleasure.
I'd do anything for the police.
Anything?
Yeah, so my mom got this killer job
and moved to Belgium.
Oh, so she's in the waffle industry?
Don't think that's a thing.
- Wish it was, though.
- [audience laughs]
But, anyways, that's why I'm moving here.
To live with my dad,
stepmom and half sisters.
Well, that's a big change.
I'm actually super excited about it.
The weather is amazing.
My dad said I have my own room,
and there's a girl's hockey team
at my new school.
Oh, you play hockey?
Dorothy, I'm from Minnesota.
- We learn hockey before we learn math.
- [Dorothy chuckles]
- [audience laughs]
- So, is your dad picking you up?
No, I'm just gonna Uber.
I don't need anyone to pick me up.
Plus, I know
he would make
a big deal out of Dad?
Hi, sweetie.
- [audience laughs]
- Surprise.
What is happening?
- [camera shuttering]
- Also, why is it happening?
- [audience laughs]
- Ah, he wanted me to hold him like a baby.
It happens sometimes with fans.
[audience laughs]
I know I'm a cop,
but I've never felt so safe.
[audience laughs]
Welcome to Tampa, Lola!
Hey, JJ!
[cannon pops]
- [crowd cheers]
- [audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music plays]
- [music fades]
- Lola, hi!
- You cut your hair.
- Cassy!
- You noticed.
- [Cassy chuckles]
I noticed, too.
It's rounder and hairier.
- [audience laughs]
- I just didn't say anything.
- Because I'm lying.
- [audience laughs]
Where are your bags?
The airline's lost 'em.
The guy at the counter did say
they would be delivered today.
He did put today in quotes
and then laughed directly in my face,
and said, "This is why I don't fly."
- [audience laughs]
- Airlines, am I right?
And don't even get me started
on the food.
Don't worry, you can borrow my pajamas.
Thanks!
But, on the plus side,
I'm excited to see my new room.
Oh! Fun story about that.
You're doing a sit-in?
That's right.
Like my heroes RBG, AOC and Leslie Knope.
Again, not a real person.
[audience laughs]
I am exercising my right
to protest against oppressive forces.
In this case, you.
- [audience laughs]
- Hey, Lola.
So excited you're here. Love your hair.
Thanks! Love your sit-in.
- [audience laughs]
- This is nothing.
Wait till you see
what I've got planned next.
This revolution will not be televised,
it will be live-streamed.
- [audience laughs]
- Hi, guys!
[Mandy] Mom,
Dad, this footage will be used in court
when I decide
to daughter-divorce you both.
[audience laughs]
It'll probably win an Oscar,
and I won't be thanking you
inmy speech.
Oh yes, you will be thanking us,
or you're grounded.
Wait, what am I saying? This is not real.
- [audience laughs]
- Lola can bunk with me. It'll be fun.
FYI, I sleep walk,
sleep talk and sleep eat.
- [audience laughs]
- And if I hit a juice box
after seven,
get ready for some sleep peeing.
[chuckles] I know I promised you
you'd get your own room, and you will,
but would you mind bunking
with JJ for now?
[sighs] Uh
I guess I don't have a choice.
So, do you ever actually sleep-sleep?
I'll sleep-sleep when I die.
Hustle don't stop, bro.
[audience laughs]
[mellow pop music playing]
[phone chimes]
[music fades]
[keyboard clacking]
[text whooshing]
[continued clacking and whooshing]
Welcome to the JJ Dome!
[air horn blaring]
[audience laughs]
I gotta say,
loving the vibe in here.
Thanks, I had a vision.
- [audience laughs]
- Super psyched you're here.
Make yourself comfortable.
And I want you to know,
mi casa es su casa.
Except for mi legos,
mi legos are not su legos.
They are mine.
- [audience laughs]
- Mine. Mine
[audience laughs]
How's it going in the JJ Dome?
[air horn blaring]
[audience laughs]
It's okay.
Lola, I know we're off to a shaky start,
but I promise I'll make it up to you.
It's not that shaky.
I mean, I don't have any
of my own stuff,
I'm sleeping in my stepmom's pajamas
on the top bunk of a kiddie disco
- so I don't get peed on.
- [audience laughs]
- Yes, a little shaky.
- Super shaky.
- [audience laughs]
- But, hey, tomorrow's a brand new day,
new school, new friends.
New girl's hockey team.
Super excited about that.
Once I get back on the ice,
it'll feel like home.
I'm just so happy you're here. [kisses]
I'm happy too.
[Big Show chuckles]
Okay, all right! We're doing this.
Oh. Forgot to mention.
I get 50% of any tooth fairy money.
You can talk to your guy, but trust me,
- it's a standard contract.
- [audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music plays, then fades]
This is all of Mandy's homework.
You sure you're okay
with her missing school?
Oh, everyone knows about the sit-in.
In fact,
we excused most of our class to join in.
Look at the live stream.
We encourage our students
to be civic thinking
and aware of the power they have
to control their own lives.
Control their own lives?
Have you met my daughters?
JJ once borrowed a boat,
got halfway to the Keys
before she turned herself in,
because she was, "Jonesing for a PB&J."
- [audience laughs]
- [teacher giggles]
[yelling] Incoming chest bump!
- There you are!
- [together] Boom!
[audience laughs]
Yeah!
Hey, how was your first day?
It was great, right?
It was fine.
Fine? Come on!
How about your classes?
Where's your locker?
Hey, do the bathrooms
have those old urinals
that go down to the floor?
Wait, you're a girl.
- [audience laughs]
- Honestly, it wasn't a great day.
It's 75 degrees outside,
and I'm still wearing winter clothes
because my stuff is missing.
- The airlines called, they found the bags.
- Great.
- In Paris.
- [audience laughs]
Which you know is a great place for bags.
- [audience laughs]
- How does that help me?
It doesn't.
- It doesn't at all.
- [audience laughs]
Oh, also, there's no girls hockey team,
which was pretty important to me.
On the plus side,
I was up all night,
because JJ also likes
to sleep sing.
[JJ singing in Italian]
[JJ hits and holds an off-key note]
[audience laughs]
- [note continues]
- [continued laughing]
- I don't even know Italian.
- [audience laughs]
[Big Show] I'm sorry,
I just assumed
there was a boys and girls team.
I'll fix it. I'll talk to someone
at school tomorrow.
No, don't do that! I'll handle it.
Aw, she gets huffy just like you.
Ugh. Whatever.
[audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music plays, then fades]
This isn't just a fight for the bedroom.
No! It's much more than that!
[loudly] It's a movement!
[students cheer and applaud]
To quote Lin-Manuel Miranda's
American Express commercial,
- [audience laughs]
- "We create the room where it happens."
And this is that room!
[continued cheering]
[students whooping]
[Mandy] JJ!
- [indistinct chatter]
- Where did all these kids come from?
This is all happening
a lot quicker than I imagined.
Come here.
I put it on Dad's Twitter.
Kids are coming from everywhere.
I'm charging 20 bucks a head.
You're charging 20 bucks?
This is a movement.
You cannot profit from that!
You get two percent of the gate
if you keep your mouth shut.
Ten percent,
and you have to do my chores for a week.
Seven, and I get first dibs
- on the bathroom in the morning.
- Deal!
Ha! I would've settled for 9%
and a go-gurt.
- [Mandy sighs]
- [audience laughs]
You played yourself, girlie.
[upbeat pop music plays, then fades]
How's the haunted house going?
[sighs] Not great.
I found an exorcist on Craigslist,
but turns out he's just a personal trainer
who didn't know how to spell.
- [audience laughs]
- [Big Show laughs]
So, what's going on with you?
You only ask me to shave your head
when you need advice.
I think I'm blowing it already with Lola.
I just wanted it to be perfect,
and everything's going wrong
since the moment she landed.
Sweetie, she's only been here
- like a couple days.
- [sighs]
Why are you spinning out so much
about this?
'Cause so long
I've been a Facetime parent.
Now I'm a real time parent.
It's better than when you were
a butt dial parent.
That was just four muffled minutes
ordering off the dollar menu at Wendy's.
- I spent a lot of dollars that night.
- [laughs]
[audience laughs]
Look, you were always there for Lola,
even if she didn't see you every day.
Yeah, but now that she's here,
I want her to feel like this is her home.
And she will, she just needs time.
[sighs] Maybe if I can get her
on the hockey team,
things will turn around.
I wanted to talk to the coach,
but Lola said I shouldn't.
Yep, she's right. Let her handle it.
I don't know, I think I can help.
Show, listen to me and remember
that I am holding a razor to your scalp.
- [audience laughs]
- Do not go talk to the
- Coach Fener?
- [grunts]
[strained] Three, four
- and five.
- [door closes]
Ah, that burns right.
- [audience laughs]
- [exhales in relief]
Dang, look at you.
What do you go, about 5'8?
5'9?
- [audience laughs]
- [chuckles] Yeah, when I was like 11.
- [audience laughs]
- Okay, what can I do you for, Big Gulp?
I'm actually here about my daughter, Lola.
She wants to play on the hockey team.
Yeah, [sighs] I'm gonna tell you
the same thing I told her.
There aren't enough girls in Tampa
who wanna play ice hockey.
Yeah, come on, there's gotta be
some kind of a compromise?
- [chuckles] I don't compromise.
- [audience laughs]
I come from a military family. [exhales]
You think there's compromise in war?
- Yeah, that's literally how they end.
- [audience laughs]
Listen, Double Stuff!
- Don't call me Double Stuff.
- Why?
'Cause I don't like it.
And when I don't like something,
I break it.
Are you threatening a military man?
No, I am threatening a P.E. teacher
who shops at Baby Gap.
[audience laughs]
[grunts and huffs]
It's time to go.
[audience laughs]
[Big Show sighs]
Oh! [stammers] Before you do,
could you actually hang this photo for me
- up on the wall? [laughs]
- [audience laughs]
Thank you so much,
[inhales, lowers tone] Double Stuff.
[audience oohs]
[audience laughs]
I just don't wanna talk about it!
What was I supposed to do?
Nothing!
Like I literally told you to do!
Could not have been clearer!
What happened?
I just talked to the coach.
Talk? I wish you just talked!
[Coach Fener yelping]
[Coach Fener screaming]
- [audience laughs]
- Ah, come on, man! This is not cool!
Hey, sweetie.
Oh, him?
- He was like that when I got here.
- [audience laughs]
Let's go, quickly.
Good news is coach changed his mind.
I had nothing to do with it.
- So there's a girl's team now?
- Nope.
- Oh, no.
- Yep.
- [audience laughs]
- What? The coach is gonna let her try out
for the boys team.
I mean, it's 2020, what about RBG and ABC,
and all that feminist stuff?
It's AOC!
ABC is what old people watch
when they don't know how to find YouTube.
- [audience laughs]
- That totally tracks, I've done that.
And a girl on a boys team
is so played out.
Every time I get on the ice,
the guys are afraid to check me,
or they don't pass me the puck.
So show those stupid boys
you're better than them.
I will!
I'm gonna go to that tryout tomorrow
and kill it.
But if I'm gonna be on the boys team,
I wanna earn it my way.
By myself!
You don't have to do it
by yourself anymore.
Yes, I do.
That's how I work.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go up to my room.
Oh, wait! I don't have one.
- [Cassy sighs]
- [Big Show exhales]
[footsteps ascend]
What? He called me Double Stuff.
- [audience laughs]
- Show, I specifically told you
not to do anything.
I know, you're right, but in my defense,
I did not listen to you.
- [audience laughs]
- [Cassy scoffs]
- [mellow music playing]
- [phone chimes]
[keyboard clacking]
[chiming and clacking]
Oh.
Hey, I, uh, didn't know you were out here.
Yeah, I just, needed some privacy.
You hear about Dad and Coach Fener?
Oh, yeah.
I heard Dad punched Coach Fener
so hard in the stomach,
he went from an outtie to an innie.
- [audience laughs]
- What? No, that's not what happened.
But, is Dad always like this?
Look, he means well,
and his heart's in the right place.
He just can't control himself.
He's like a giant puppy
in a house of bacon.
[audience laughs]
[zipping]
Hey, where were you?
Oh, I was just hanging out
at none of your business.
- [audience laughs]
- What's up?
We were just talking about Dad.
I heard he crushed Coach F,
and now he has to poop into a bag.
- [audience laughs]
- What? No,
he just hung him up on the wall
like a stuffed marlin.
Wow, this story has gotten out of control.
[sighs deeply] And so has this sit-in.
I need this to be over,
but I can't cave to mom and dad.
It sets a bad precedent.
Mandy, if I can get them
to cave, can I please have the room?
I could really use my own space
for right now.
Yes, the kids in my room suck!
They keep recommending podcasts
about natural deodorant to me.
[audience laughs]
What are we gonna do?
We just have to escalate
and manipulate things
where they have no choice but to cave.
Manipulate?
Now you're talking my language.
- [audience laughs]
- I need 50 bucks, Mom and Dad's passports,
and you two ding-dongs
to keep your mouth shut.
- [audience laughs]
- Okay, we're not doing whatever that is,
but I do have a plan.
I'm so glad you're here, Lola.
See? I love this.
With you here, Lola, we outnumber them.
We'll always get our way.
As long as we have each other's backs.
Sister to sister to sister.
[together] Aw.
- JJ, put my wallet back in my pocket.
- [audience laughs]
You know I had to try.
[audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music playing]
- [whistle blows]
- [Coach F] Yeah! Nice!
Nice shot!
- Nice! Move those skates!
- [sticks clatter]
- [skates hiss on ice]
- Very nice!
Mom told us to stay in the car.
- [giggles] We were never doing that.
- [audience laughs]
- [Coach F] And shoot!
- [punk clanks]
[whistle blows]
Ah, come on!
Lola was totally right.
The boys won't play her straight up.
There has to be a way to show them
she's tough and can take it.
Oh, no. I can see it in your eyes.
Something cray-cray is about to happen.
- [audience laughs]
- And whatever it is,
I'm capital I-N-N, in.
You do know that "in"
is spelled with one "N"?
You took me out of school for this.
That's on you, homeboy.
- [audience laughs]
- Good point.
I know I've done everything wrong
since Lola got here.
If she wants to do this her way,
I gotta fix this.
- [indistinct yelling]
- My way.
Alright, get some water.
Back on the ice in five.
There you go.
Oh, no, he's back.
[audience laughs]
He's bigger. Somehow he's getting bigger.
- [audience laughs]
- No, he's just getting closer to me.
[skates hissing on ice]
[skates whoosh]
- What are you doing here?
- Check me.
What? No!
Check me in the boards,
knock me on my butt!
Show them what you can do!
I'm not gonna hit you.
God, can't you ever just leave me alone?
No, I'm not going away.
I wasn't there for you for so many years.
And I'm never doing that again.
I'm in your life, whether you like it
or not. If you want me
to go away,
you're gonna have to make me.
[skates scraping on ice]
Unless you're too scared.
[sticks rattles on ice]
- [audience laughs]
- Oh, boy.
[skates hissing on ice]
[Big Show thudding]
- [Big Show screams in pain]
- [all cheering] Yeah!
[sticks banging on ice]
- [audience laughs]
- [Big Show] Ow!
- [helmet thuds]
- Dad! You okay? I'm sorry.
[struggling] Oh, I'm the one
that should be sorry.
I just wanted everything
to be perfect for you.
I wanted you to feel like you were home.
You know what's weird?
Slamming you into the boards
has kind of been the first moment
this has felt like home.
- Ah, that was my plan all along.
- Really?
- [audience laughs]
- No, I'm making this stuff up as I go.
[audience laughs]
This is all gonna get easier, right?
I sure hope so,
I'm not gonna be able to walk for a week.
[audience laughs]
But I promise, in the future,
I'll wait till you asked for help.
And I promise to think
about asking for your help. [laughs]
- [audience laughs]
- Deal.
That was awesome.
Okay, what I'm gonna need
is for us to do it one more time.
I'd love to get it in slo-mo.
[audience laughs]
[upbeat pop music plays, then fades]
[Cassy] We will come down
on the price of the house.
[scoffs] No, there aren't ghosts,
there is a ghost.
- [audience laughs]
- It's an old lady
in a Victorian nightgown.
If anything, it classes up the place.
Hello?
- [audience laughs]
- [Cassy scoffs]
Oh.
- So, how'd it go?
- [door closes]
Good! I stayed in the car the whole time.
JJ sent me the video.
[sighs] You ratted me out to Mom?
She promised me a Nintendo Switch
if I flipped.
And I want that Switch, baby.
[audience laughs]
Good news, Lola. Your bags have arrived.
[exhales] Finally! Yes, all right!
Things are starting to turn around
for the old
- Zane Rutlidge from Detroit, Michigan.
- [audience laughs]
These are not my bags.
You know, sometimes,
we don't get the bags we want,
but we get the bags we need.
- [audience laughs]
- What does that mean?
I don't know, I was just trying to help.
- [audience laughs]
- [Cassy scoffs]
You know what? It's cool.
They'll get here eventually.
- [indistinct chatter]
- [Cassy] Who are those kids?
They're from Orlando.
Ugh. I hate kids from Orlando.
- They got that Disney stink on 'em.
- [audience laughs]
Mandy's protest is blowing up on Twitter.
This thing is getting huge.
[bongos playing]
Is that a drum circle?
[groans] I cannot stand drum circles!
They're never in rhythm.
- [audience laughs]
- Girls, go upstairs.
[Cassy sighs]
Ah!
Babe, I think we have to cave.
To cave? No, no.
No, no, no.
I won't cave.
I will hold the line to the end of days.
I was once in a three-hour standoff
with an old lady
for a parking spot in front of TJ Maxx.
- [audience laughs]
- I will never,
ever,
ever,
- [gruff] ever, cave.
- [audience laughs]
Hey [sighs]
We're going to need mattresses,
because my people want to sleep over.
And they're going to need
to use your bathroom.
Okay, you win, you can keep the room.
Way to hold the line, Braveheart.
[audience laughs]
And now that I've won and proven my point,
I'll suspend the sit-in.
Lola can have the room.
Thank you.
Hey, Dad, remember the whole
asking for help thing?
- Yeah?
- Well, can you please help me
get these kids out of my new room?
Oh, I thought you'd never ask.
- [audience laughs]
- [Big Show inhales and exhales deeply]
[Big Show huffs]
[yelling] All right!
I am bigger,
stronger,
- and balder than everyone in this room!
- [audience laughs]
If you are not related to me,
or a dependent on my taxes,
get out!
[screaming] Now!
- [feet shuffling]
- [audience laughs]
God, I love helping.
[audience laughs]
[mellow music playing]
[knocking at door]
- [music fades]
- Hey, kiddo.
Look, sorry again about the bags.
If you want,
I can take you to the mall tomorrow,
buy you some new clothes.
What do you need, like, underwear, bras?
I'm gonna have Cassy take you to the mall.
- Good call.
- [audience laughs]
Where did you find that?
It was in my bag.
I didn't want it to break.
You remember that day?
- Of course I remember that day.
- [mellow music plays]
You spilled hot chocolate
all over your pants,
and then we made
a life size Big Show snowman
Biggest snowman ever.
That sucker didn't melt till July.
[audience laughs]
- Are you gonna cry?
- No!
[audience laughs]
Yes, but later when I'm in the bath.
- [audience laughs]
- Come on, It's movie night.
We're having Mediterranean food.
- This hero needs some gyros.
- [audience laughs]
Oh my God, was that a dad joke?
I dunno, it's all Greek to me.
Ooh, two in a row,
you gotta go.
[imitating Mr. T] I "pita" the fool
that does dad jokes!
- [audience laughs]
- Okay, seriously, get out!
- Love you!
- Love you.
Oh, well. [clears throat] Okay,
before we eat, you know the rules.
- [audience laughs]
- Best part of your day, Mandy.
Well, I have seven best parts.
- Pick one, I'm hungry.
- [audience laughs]
Today, I became the first middle sister
to make real change in our world.
That can't possibly be true,
but carry on.
Point is, I can't stop now.
I can see my own future.
So, I have decided to run
- for Lower School President.
- [Cassy gasps]
Sick! I'm in.
Rigging an election is on my bucket list.
That, and learning how to tie my shoes.
- [audience laughs]
- You know, when I was your age,
I was Lower School President
in my school.
- [Cassy and Mandy] No, you weren't.
- Yes, I was!
[Mandy] That is crazy.
- [Mandy] No, I don't believe you.
- [JJ] No
I'm telling the truth.
I actually got impeached.
[phone chiming]
- I'm telling the truth!
- [Mandy] This seems like a joke.
- [JJ] How?
- I used to kick the soda machine,
and it would spit sodas out,
and I'd sell them on the bus ride home.
- [Cassy] How dare you?
- [Big Show] I know.
- [upbeat music playing]
- [indistinct conversation]
[Cassy laughs]
[Cassy and Big Show] Hey!
[all laughing]
- You stole my gyro.
- I stole your gyro.
[upbeat ending credits playing]
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