The Boys (2019) s01e01 Episode Script

1 (ENGINE RUNNING) Yo, I am so psyched for Invisible Force 2.
Please.
Invisible Force 1 was lame.
I'm all about Rising Tide.
Rising Tide? The Deep? - Uh-huh.
- Translucent could kick the Deep's ass.
(SCOFFS) How? He's invisible.
That's, like, all he's got.
That's it.
Exactly.
He sneaks up on the Deep, and then boom, motherfucker! - Sit down.
- Until the Deep makes a shark bite Translucent's dick off.
How's he gonna find his dick? It's invisible.
(TIRES SCREECHING) (SIREN WAILING) Holy shit.
(HORN HONKING) (WOMAN SCREAMS) - (GRUNTS) - Benjy! Get up.
Get up, get up, get up.
Come on, Benjy.
Come on, come on.
(MAN GRUNTING) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) Stay back.
Just stay the fuck back.
What are you smiling at? (SCREAMING) (GUNFIRE) (SCREAMS) BENJY: Homelander? You boys okay? (CAR ALARM BLARING) Can I can I get a selfie? 'Course you can.
(SIREN WAILING) ANCHOR: The Seven's Queen Maeve and Homelander made another heroic save today, stopping a hijacked armored truck on the streets of Brooklyn, then staying behind for a photo op - with some very lucky fans.
- Nice to meet you.
- Jean? - Thanks, Jennifer.
And now HUGHIE: So, this is pretty much everything in one.
Bluetooth speakers.
It's in stereo, so you can put it all around your living room, have some fun with it.
You said you have a standard cable box, right? - Uh-huh.
- Okay, then I need to get you an audio transmitter, aptX Low Latency.
It makes it so there's less audio lag, and it's got a standard optical in.
And let's hook you up with thousand-meg HDMI.
Let's go with this one.
Uh, it costs a little bit more, but the carbon's way more conductive.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER TV) Hey, Gary.
Um - I really need to talk to you about something.
- Later, kid.
Okay.
Cool.
Later you want, like want, like, 30-30 minutes? Like, a solid 45? Excuse me, sir? Hi.
I'd like to make an appointment for you to come over and lay some cable.
Okay.
Uh oh, Robin.
Oh, dear, dear, Robin.
Um, that doesn't mean what you think it means.
Um, "laying cable" means sex.
No, "laying pipe" means sex.
"Laying cable" means you want me to come over to your house - and just take a big, old shit.
- (CHUCKLES) - That's disgusting.
- Well, okay.
But you Who-who said it, though? Okay.
Are you ready? Despite your best efforts, I'm actually still hungry.
- I'm actually more hungry now.
- (LAUGHS) - Where are we gonna go after all this hot talk? - I don't know.
- You know? - More importantly, where are we gonna go - to lay some cable afterwards? - (LAUGHS) Geez.
So, did you ask him? - Who? - Gary.
Did you ask Gary for the raise? Yeah.
Yeah.
It was it was a Look, it was a crazy day, and-and he was super busy, but tomorrow for sure.
Yes.
Okay.
What was I supposed to do, kick his door down? Like Homelander? I said "okay".
Yeah, but you didn't mean it.
Hey, I see the look.
I see it.
Come on.
This is like when we started dating.
I don't think that's I don't think that's true.
Dude, I had to ask you out.
Well, excuse me for waiting.
You ever hear of chivalry? Listen, this is about you getting what you deserve.
I'm killing myself at school because I think it's gonna be worth it for both of us.
You know, if we move in together.
Wait, what? What? W-W-Wait.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey.
What was that? What'd you just say? Well, I mean, we can't keep, you know, laying pipe at your dad's place.
Trying to be all quiet.
Staring up at that dumb Billy Joel post - poster.
- Hey.
Don't you ever besmirch Billy Jo (PANTING) I can't stop.
I can't stop.
I can't stop.
I can't stop.
Can't stop.
Can't stop.
Robin? Robin? Robin! (VOICE BREAKING): Robin! ("BARRACUDA" BY HEART PLAYING) You lying so low into the weeds I bet you gonna ambush me You'd have me down, down, down Down on my knees Let the energy go through the wall.
I am Starlight.
I'm 110 pounds, and I'm five foot six.
CASTING DIRECTOR: Turn around, please.
Okay.
Let's see it, dear.
- You should look away.
- Sorry? You should turn away from the camera, and you should close your eyes, or else I'll blind you.
All right.
Okay, go ahead.
I am so sorry.
Are you all right? I was born Super-Abled.
Uh, my mom was thrilled.
She took me to all the little miss hero pageants, but I hated it.
Ugh, I mean, I can still smell the hairspray.
Uh, but (CLEARS THROAT) at the Q and A, they always asked me what my wish was, and I always said, "to save the world.
" And the judges just chuckled like it was cute.
But it wasn't a joke to me.
Since when did "hopeful" and "naive" become the same thing? I mean, why would you get into this business if not to save the world? That's all I have ever wanted.
(CHUCKLES) And that's why I've always wanted to be in The Seven.
(SIGHS) (SIGHS) ANCHOR: Thanks, Jennifer.
Thought Robin's service was nice.
Did you see how many people came? Wow.
Lot of respect for that girl.
Lot of love in the room.
And the spread.
What a spread.
Just really nice.
MADELYN: That does not begin to convey the terrible regret Aw, geez.
Maybe there's a movie on.
- No, keep it.
- No, we can switch it.
- Keep it.
- (CLEARS THROAT) awful, tragic loss.
My deepest condolences to Robin Ward's family.
I was chasing these bank robbers.
She just stepped in the middle of the street, and I-I couldn't Middle of the She was a half step off the fucking curb.
Oh, now, come on, Hughie.
Just, uh, don't get upset, okay? Just He knows.
MADELYN: swift, thoughtful attention (DOORBELL RINGS) Now I think that A-Train would like to get back to work.
MAN: Everyone at Vought is just just wrecked about Robin.
Now, you two weren't married, and look, technically, there's no legal claim.
But Vought wants to do the right thing: offer you $45,000 in restitution.
All you have to do is sign right here, and I'll offer you the check.
This is a confidentiality agreement.
It's a boilerplate NDA.
I sign this, and I can't talk about it? Have to pretend like it didn't happen, like I wasn't holding Robin's arms in my hands? Look, I know you're upset, but we're just trying to help.
Then say you're sorry.
Excuse me? I mean, you people say "our condolences" and "my sympathies" and "our regrets", but nobody can look me in the fucking eye and say "I'm sorry.
" I'm not signing anything.
Get out.
I said get the hell out! You okay? As I said, boilerplate NDA, really.
Pretty standard stuff.
Can I think about it? If you have any questions at all, just, uh (DOOR OPENS) - (EXHALES) - (DOOR CLOSES) DISPATCHER: Unit 44, code 20.
Address is 1420 63rd Street Any maniacs out there? Mm-mm.
Quiet night.
Like every night.
(SIGHS) That's too bad.
We could really use the press right now.
Oh, Annie.
I'm hungry.
Don't worry.
I didn't get the job.
You don't know that.
They're auditioning girls nationwide.
Besides, Countess probably got it.
- She's so good in a room.
- (PHONE RINGING) If you're negative, negative things happen to you.
Hello? Yes, I'm her mother.
Uh, yes.
Uh uh, one moment.
(WHISPERING): It's them.
It's them.
Hello? Yes, this is she.
I got it? - You got it! - (SCREAMS) You got it! Shh.
(WHISPERING): Oh, my God.
Uh, I'm so I'm so sorry.
It's a weird connection.
I don't know what that was, actually.
Uh Mm-hmm.
HUGHIE: Oh, shit.
MAN: Yeah? MAN 2: I think she was an addict.
MAN: Needle tracks? MAN 2: 12 marks on one arm.
MAN: More dope coming in.
More pushers at work.
What you doing? Can't file a criminal case against A-Train.
Supes are like cops.
They can't be charged - for damages while they're on the job.
- Okay.
But maybe we can file a wrongful death.
I just got to get Robin's parents to sign off on it.
- Hughie, come sit with me.
- Dad, I'm not - I'm right - (PATS COUCH) Okay.
Good for you.
You want to make this right, what happened to Robin.
But you can't.
So sign this.
What? This is a lot of money, Hughie.
We could really use it.
I can't Dad, they killed her.
Be realistic, okay? Even if we could pay for a lawyer and that's a big if there's no case.
She was in the street.
- Be like if a bus hit her.
- Dad, she was one step - off the curb.
- I - I saw it! - Hughie, look.
Look.
- You can't do this.
- Why not? - Dad, I have - You don't have the fight.
You never have.
I'm sorry, but it's-it's true.
Neither do I.
Now come and come and sit with me, okay? Remington Steele's on.
- Hughie! Where you going? - (DOOR OPENS) (DOOR CLOSES) (SIGHS) TV REPORTER: the red carpet outside of Vought headquarters, here for the annual shareholders presentation (FANS TALKING INDISTINCTLY, SHOUTING) ASHLEY: There she is.
- Welcome to New York.
- (FANS CHEERING) I'm Ashley Barrett, director of talent relations.
So, uh, are all these people here for me? Oh, honey.
(LAUGHS) Who else would they be here for? Come on.
We're running late.
Oh, my God.
(FANS SCREAMING, CHEERING) (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING) MADELYN: Ladies and gentlemen, it is without a doubt a good time to be in the Superhero business.
Our net income is up 14%.
Our latest film, G-MEN: World War, just grossed shy - of $1.
7 billion world-wide.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) And this fall, we break ground on our newest theme park outside of Paris.
The branding opportunities are limitless.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) But, you know, none of that really matters.
Because job one is managing, supporting, and advising the brave heroes who put themselves in harm's way each and every day for us.
Let's take a look.
MADELYN (ON VIDEO): A world without crime, with liberty and justice for all, that's within our reach, thanks to the 200-plus Superheroes in the Vought Family.
We see a bright future ahead, where there is a Vought Hero in every town.
You're doing really well, by the way, so far.
I-I haven't done anything yet.
Yeah, exactly.
You're already up two-and-a-half points with Midwesterners and conservative Christians in 18 to 49.
That speech, by the way, your audition (EXHALES) It was modest; it was humble.
Really fucking smart choice.
Uh, I-I meant it.
ASHLEY: Yeah, that's why we love you.
So you ready for your life to change? (EXHALES) MADELYN (ON VIDEO): including the jewel in Vought's crown, the greatest superhero team the world's ever seen: The Seven.
That is our job, our honor.
We are Vought.
We make heroes super.
(CHEERING, WHOOPING, APPLAUSE) I have a very exciting surprise for you.
Both a member of The Seven, and Lord of the Seven Seas, live and in person, the Deep.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) DEEP: Thank you.
Thank you, everybody.
After a long, distinguished career with The Seven, my good friend, the Lamplighter, has retired.
Let's give him a big "thank you".
- What do you say? - (APPLAUSE) AUDIENCE MEMBER: Thank you, Lamplighter! (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) But now, as we turn towards the future, I'd like to introduce someone very special.
And I, for one, can't wait to work with her.
Please welcome Starlight.
Go.
Go.
That's you.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) - Ooh, look at that.
- MADELYN: Ladies and gentlemen, Starlight and the Deep.
- - (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) (WHOOPING) Oh.
Hi.
MAN (IN AUDIENCE): I love you, Starlight! WOMAN (IN AUDIENCE): We love you! (PANTING) (BREATHING HEAVILY) (BREATHING HEAVILY) (ECHOING): Hey, buddy, you okay? Hey, buddy! (HYPERVENTILATING) Wow.
Pretty cool, huh? Oh, hey, check this out.
We have two World View-4 satellites in geocentric orbit.
We can essentially read a getaway car's license plate from 380 miles up.
That is just I mean G I was working with a police scanner that I bought on eBay.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, well, not anymore you're not.
Oh, and wait till you check out the dining room.
We, uh, may or may not have stolen Miro from Gramercy Tavern.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, he's fan-fucking-tastic.
That's his, isn't it? Homelander's? Yeah.
But you'll have your own soon.
Here.
Come on.
Give it a test drive.
(CHUCKLES) Come on.
O-Oh, you-you okay? It's just (INHALES, EXHALES SHARPLY) I used to stand in the mirror, pretending to be where I am right now.
You know something? On my first day, I, uh Well, I-I felt like a fraud.
Yeah.
But the good news is, everybody feels that way.
Thank you.
And, hey, we're a team now.
We'll help each other out.
I bet growing up you had a poster of Homelander on your wall, huh? No, actually, I I don't know, Homelander's so He's like Jesus or something.
If you want to know the truth, I actually had a poster of you.
(LAUGHS) Really? - Yeah.
Yeah.
I kind of - Oh.
I kind of had a schoolgirl crush on you.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
I hope that's not inappropriate to say.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's not inappropriate at all.
- It's just, it's kind of wild.
- (SIGHS) (DEEP SIGHS) (GASPS) What? (CHUCKLES) I mean, you said you had a crush on me.
I figured that, you know - That is - Whoa, whoa, wh-wh-whoa, hey.
Look, you're gorgeous.
I'm not I'm not talking about sex, just a little bit of pole-smoking.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
It's just a question of how bad you want to be in The Seven.
- Excuse me? - (GLASS SHATTERING) Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey.
(CHUCKLES) Take it easy.
(CHUCKLES) Settle down.
We're just, we're just talking.
And look, I know that you're powerful.
I get it.
Your powers are no joke.
The thing is I am number two around here.
(SIGHS) So, like, if I say so, you know, you'd be out of here.
Especially since you attacked me.
I what? Yeah.
Look.
I mean, Iowa's sweetheart, the Defender of Des Moines, just went psycho on the Deep.
(EXHALES) I mean, that that could put you out of the business.
Yeah.
(EXHALES SHARPLY) I mean, home to Mommy, tail tucked between your legs.
Just think of all those kids.
I mean, the kids.
Those kids who look up to you, they'd just be shattered.
(EXHALES) I mean, th-that's not what you really want, right? Or we come together as a team.
You and me, we just roll with the punches, for, like, three minutes, maybe.
It's not a big deal.
And then you know what happens? All your dreams come true.
I-I'm sure you guys have all heard that Translucent stopped a home invasion in Yonkers last night, a young, single mother - and her two kids.
- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) Just incredible.
Just So tell us, how are you able to-to vanish? No, I don't actually vanish.
My skin turns into this carbon meta-material that bends the light.
Like an invisibility cloak.
All right, but just to be clear, you have to be completely naked, right? (TV AUDIENCE REACTS) I appreciate you coming on the show, my man.
I love you.
You guys stay tuned for a behind-the-scenes look at Invisible Force 2, and later, Translucent himself (CLEARS THROAT) You interested in a nanny cam? 'Cause we're actually running a special on that.
Um, it's a pretty popular bear.
There's cameras in the eyes.
BUTCHER: Tell me, how many nannies shake their babies? Uh, I'm sorry? You know, a good hard shake, like like tryin' to get ketchup out of a bottle.
One percent? Less? I-I don't really know.
Funny, that.
They sell a billion dollars worth of that shit worldwide.
Goes to show you, doesn't it? The bollocks people will believe if you get them scared enough.
(SCOFFS) Cool.
Cool, cool.
Um Is there anything I can help you with today, or ? I'm not gonna piss you about, Hughie.
I heard what happened to Robin.
I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, who are you? She wasn't in the street.
She was one step off the fucking curb.
And you didn't take the pay-off.
Yeah.
I said, who the hell are you? How do you know that? Name's Butcher.
Billy Butcher.
Listen, I was thinking that, uh, you and me should have a little bit of a chat.
Y-You're a Fed? You don't sound like a Fed.
What, I can't immigrate? There's a giant green slapper with her ass in the harbor that says different.
You don't really look like one, either.
No? What do I look like? Like you're starring in a porn version of The Matrix.
Well, it's all right there in black and white.
Okay.
Uh, what exactly can I do for you? No, you got it all wrong, Hughie.
It's what I can do for you.
You see, you ain't alone, son.
It happens a lot more than you think.
Supes lose hundreds of people each year to collateral damage.
No.
Come on, that'd be all over the news.
People would be screaming bloody murder.
Yeah, look, there might be the odd mention of it now and again, like with Robin, but there's a fuck-sight more that happens that just gets swept right under the rug.
Why? Ain't it obvious? Movie tickets, merchandising, theme parks, video games.
A multi-billion dollar global industry supported by corporate lobbyists and politicians on both sides.
But the main reason that you won't hear about it is 'cause the public don't want to know about it.
See, people love that cozy feeling that Supes give them.
Some golden cunt to swoop out of the sky and save the day so you don't got to do it yourself.
But if you knew half the shit they get up to Ooh (CLUCKS TONGUE) Fuckin' diabolical.
But then that's where I come in.
Come in to to do what? Spank the bastards when they get out of line.
How do you spank a Supe? Come on, son.
Uh, where? You'll love it.
Uh, not likely.
Uh, listen.
I think this is good; I'm good.
Uh, thank you for an extremely weird conversation, but, uh, I don't want to go to a second location with you.
So, I'm gonna get back to work.
Thank you.
Hughie! Hughie.
(SIGHS) This is your one and only, mate.
Once I go, I'm gone.
I'm offering you the opportunity to get them that got your girl.
What have you got to lose that you ain't already lost? Where are we? Keep your mouth shut.
Harry.
Got your message.
Thank you for being an upstanding citizen.
You know this is fucking police brutality, man.
You know what they'll do to me, they catch me letting you in? Not half of what I'll do if you don't.
Did he just say you were police? Yeah, you know, cop, Fed, all the same to twats like that.
(DOOR CLOSES) (LOUD, INDISTINCT CHATTER) Holy shit.
Pick your jaw up off the floor and try to blend in.
This is the only place where the Supes can scratch their filthy little itch without the paps taking snaps.
I did a bad, bad thing - (GASPS) - I did a bad, bad thing Wait, wait, wait.
That's Ezekiel.
I did a bad, bad thing.
The "Capes for Christ" guy preaches all that "pray the gay away" shit.
BUTCHER: And now he's the meat in the Manwich.
Fucking hypocrite.
You ever pray with all your heart and soul Just to watch her walk away? Yeah BUTCHER: Keep going forward.
That's it.
Further.
Further.
There.
There.
- Stop.
- HUGHIE: Wait, wait, wait.
A-Train's A-Train's here right now? Was.
This is from last night.
Turn it up.
I cannot believe you ran through a bitch.
A-TRAIN: You want to hear something crazy? I ran so fast through this bitch that I swallowed one of her molars.
Like a bug on the fucking freeway.
Dude, that's nasty.
(BOTH LAUGHING) They're laughing.
Just Like she's a joke.
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES) They're fucking laughing.
So what are you gonna do about it? (STARLIGHT VOMITING) (RETCHES, PANTS) (TOILET FLUSHES) (WATER RUNNING) - (WATER STOPS) - (STARLIGHT SNIFFLES) Oh, for Chrissakes.
Clean yourself up.
Never let them see you like this.
- (SIGHS) - Translucent, you're a goddamn pervert.
Ah Oh, uh I'll just go.
HUGHIE: They're all like that? All of them? Even Homelander? Homelander's the exception.
He doesn't drink, doesn't smoke.
Man's a saint.
But the rest of 'em, yeah.
Pardon my French, fuck those fuckers.
Here.
Have a shufti of that.
- What are these? - That's the police log the day that Robin got murdered.
Couple of bar fights.
A few cars got nicked.
But you know what's not in there? No bank alarms going off.
No one charged at Central Booking.
A-Train stopped two bank robbers, my arse.
Someone's fucking hiding something.
- Hiding what? - Well, I don't know, whatever dodgy shit he was up to that night.
Why couldn't he stop? I mean, what was in that bag? You know? Who was he running from? - Or where was he running to? - Bingo.
Work that out, and we'll have the fucker, I can smell it.
Okay.
Okay, so, um what can I do to help? Here's what you do.
Ring Vought, tell 'em you'll take the money, sign the NDA, but only if A-Train's there in person when you do it.
Why does A-Train need to be there? Then they'll take you into The Seven Tower, through security, mate, - and then you're gonna plant a bug.
- A bug? A bug.
And we'll have a little listen.
See what's really going on.
Okay, let me just sorry, let me just get this straight.
You want me to you want me to go to Seven Tower by myself, and-and you want me to plant a bug, like I'm what, like I'm fuckin' James Bond? - Yeah, exactly.
You got it.
- You're FBI.
If you're FBI, then get a warrant.
- Why do you why do you even need me? - Hughie, Hughie, look, mate, I got a warrant, all right? But that place is firewalled, untappable, and locked up tighter than a nun's knickers.
I couldn't get myself in there in a million years.
But you, son, you could do it.
- No, no, I can't, okay? - Yeah.
I can't.
No.
You didn't see A-Train covered in And-and I'm, what, I'm just supposed to go in there, and I'm supposed to I'm supposed to shake his hand? - And smile? - Yeah.
I'm not Do you know who my favorite musician is? - Who? - James Taylor.
Number two, Simon & Garfunkel.
Number three, Billy Joel.
Any of those guys, they don't infiltrate.
Okay? I'm not an infiltrator.
Hughie, Hughie, fucking grow a pair.
You heard that cunt laughing at your girl.
No.
No.
No.
No, I can't.
I can't do that.
I'm sorry, I'm just gonna fuck it up, and you're not gonna have your bug (PANTING): and I'll be dead.
I'm not I'm not like you.
(DOOR OPENS) (DOOR CLOSES) (CHUCKLES): This is amazing, Madelyn.
Thank you for this.
My kid is gonna lose his mind.
Ah, it is our pleasure.
Just do not sell it online.
(MADELYN CHUCKLES) All right.
What are you thinking? Baltimore is a beautiful town.
But you've got a problem.
Your homicide rates are up, what, 62%? The police are not closing cases.
You're on the verge of needing a federal lifeline.
Cut to the chase, Madelyn.
Who are you proposing? Nubian Prince.
Fits your population's demo, but not too militant.
Caucasians love him, too, with a 59% approval rate.
I am willing to give you a three-year exclusive contract with full PR support, and I'm gonna give you nine and a half points of the merchandising.
I thought he was in Detroit.
Well, we're thinking about making a move.
How much? - $300 million a year.
- (LAUGHS) (BOTH LAUGHING) I know, I know, it's a tough swallow.
But we both know that your city needs a hero.
$200 million for Nubian Prince.
- I can sell that.
- Mm.
I'm sorry, Steve, I can't do it.
We've got Atlanta waiting in the wings.
- I think maybe you can.
- (CHUCKLES) And why is that? I happen to know about Compound V.
What is Compound V? It's the type of rumor that could really tarnish those heroes of yours.
Nobody wants that.
People need heroes.
Now, I can make sure that that stays a rumor, because I'm a friend.
But friendship does cut both ways.
I'm sorry, Steve, I don't know what you're talking about.
$300 million is the price, or we go to Atlanta.
DONNA: So, how amazing is it? What's Homelander like? Uh he's busy.
I haven't really met him yet, but Mom, I got to tell you what happened.
Oh, I forgot.
I was playing mah-jongg with Patty and Trish, and Patty is going on and on about how her daughter got into med school, and I'm thinking, so what? My daughter got into The Seven! Anyway, so-so, what did you want to tell me? Everything's great.
Just how we dreamed.
Um Mom, actually, you know what? I have to go.
All right.
Bye, honey.
(SNIFFLES) (TAKES DEEP, SHUDDERING BREATH) Um excuse me.
I'm sorry, a-are you okay? Just seemed like a tough call.
Sorry.
I don't mean to bother you.
No, no, it's okay.
Uh I'm fine.
I'm just I'm just having a bad day.
(CHUCKLES): Yeah, me, too.
Uh is it, like, a-a work thing, or a-a life thing? (SMACKS LIPS) It's a work thing.
You? Uh life thing.
You know how you have this image of yourself? Like, I thought I was strong.
You know? Like, made of steel.
A fighter.
And then I was faced with this horrible situation with this asshole and I just heard my mom's voice in my head, "Keep smiling, the show must go on," and I didn't fight.
And now I just feel sick.
Partly because I did it, but mostly because turns out I'm not who I thought I was.
(SIGHS) - Oh.
Oh, I'm, um, sorry.
- Uh I-I didn't mean to just dump all of that onto you.
No, no, it's totally fine that you dumped.
Um Listen, d-do you like your job? Oh.
It's the only thing I've ever wanted.
And it's a good job? Like, you're not selling kids smack? No, it's a great job.
I could help a lot of people.
Thing is, I, um used to know this girl, and we used to go skating at Rockefeller, and I'd be on the side with this death grip on the rails.
She would just charge headfirst into the middle of the rink.
And she wasn't good.
Like, she fell a lot but she was never scared.
And she always used to say: "Just 'cause you fall on your ass doesn't mean you have to stay there.
" So you fell on your ass, you know? That's not who you are.
So who are you? I'm a fighter.
I'm gonna fight.
Yeah.
I'm gonna take that son of a bitch's head - clean off his body.
- Okay.
Wow, that was Okay.
- Cool.
- (EXHALES) Little scary, but but-but cool.
I'm-I'm Hughie, by the way.
Annie.
(DOOR OPENS) (DOOR CLOSES) Okay, man.
I'm in.
Okay, it's ringing.
DOUG: Yeah, hello? Hi.
Hi.
Yes, hello.
Hello, Mr.
Friedman.
It's Hughie Campbell.
I got your message, and-and $45K, it's just it's just it's bingo, like, life-changing.
Um, but I just need one thing before I-I sign anything.
I need an apology - from A-Train.
- Uh, he already apologized.
Well, no, no, no.
No, he hasn't.
Yes, he sent his he sent his regrets and his sympathies on (VOICE BREAKS): on TV, but I-I if I could just get an apology face-to-face, that would be fantastic.
Just to just for closure, just to put just to put a b-button on it.
Okay, yeah.
But, uh Hugh, I'm telling you, the answer's gonna be no.
All right, in that in that case, can you just give me Uh, hello? I think They hung up.
I don't think they're gonna go for it.
Hmm.
Oh, yes, they will.
(DOOR OPENS) (TAKES DEEP BREATH) HOMELANDER: Starlight.
Don't want to be late to your first official meeting.
I had a whole welcome speech planned.
Sorry, sir.
Please, Homelander's fine.
Beginning to wonder if you'd even show up.
I mean, all that pressure, it's a lot for anyone to swallow.
Yeah.
Don't worry, I'll be fine.
I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.
TRANSLUCENT: Can we get back to this, please? This is a serious crime.
These assholes pirated my movie three weeks before release, and you can't walk down 5th Avenue without bumping into a table of unlicensed Homelander shirts.
Copyright infringement is costing Vought $1.
2 billion per year.
That's money out of our pockets.
We've all got, what, four points each? What the fuck? You got four points? And clearly better lawyers.
Hey, hey, hey, guys, come on.
Stop.
What's Starlight gonna think? Listening to us haggling over nickels.
We're The Seven, for God's sake.
Whether we're out there or we're in here.
Now, what I do want to hear is who you saved this week.
Huh? Who's up for that? (CHUCKLES) Black Noir.
Let's start with you, man.
(ENGINE SHUTS OFF) Do you have a dog? No.
All right, give us your phone.
There's fuck-all security to worry about.
In fact, they're a bunch of muppets.
And the metal detector won't pick this up.
Right? And what they'll probably do is take you through the security and then up into the boardroom.
Sit down.
Be nice, congenial.
Then, real polite-like, tell 'em you're gonna take a fake shit.
Go into the bog, take the bug out.
Peel back the plastic bit to reveal the sticky side.
Put the plastic bit in the bog.
Flush it.
Then go back into the boardroom, sit down big smiles plant the bug underneath the table.
Easy peasy Japanesey.
Bob's your uncle.
That's that.
- That's that? That was that was a lot.
- Yeah.
Th I've Hold on, can you just can you repeat it again? Just a little bit slower? Because I Shh.
Listen.
- Fuck.
(EXHALES) - Hughie, calm down, all right? This is like that scene in The Matrix.
Now, you could take the fucking red pill, right? Spend the rest of your life jacking off, crying into your chai tea green latte, what the fuck.
Or you could take the blue pill.
Or is it the red pill? Anyway, take the other pill - and quit being a cunt.
- Which pill do you want me to take? Just quit being a cunt.
That's what I'm saying.
(QUIETLY): Fuck me.
Okay.
("TAKE YOU DOWN" BY DANIEL PEMBERTON PLAYING) (INDISTINCT CHATTER) (BEEPING) Sir, could you empty your pockets, please? (BEEPING) Thank you.
(GRUNTS) Um excuse me, can-can I, uh can I use your bathroom? DOUG: Just to be clear, A-Train's apology isn't an admission of any sort of culpability whatsoever.
Do you understand? (HIGH-PITCHED RINGING) (PANTING) (MUFFLED): I'm sorry about what happened to your girlfriend, all right? (PANTING) (LAUGHTER) Hey, dude, are you okay? (RINGING STOPS) Fine.
I appreciate the apology.
Accidents happen, right? After all, I mean, you were saving the world.
Okay, great.
Thank you so much.
As you know, a crimefighter's work is never done.
Douglas here will handle the rest of the paperwork for you, okay? Thank you.
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) Can I use your bathroom? (GRUNTS) - (DOOR OPENS) - (CLANG) (GROANS QUIETLY) (DOOR SHUTS) (SIGHS) (INHALES, EXHALES) (DOOR OPENS) - ("TAKE YOU DOWN" BY DANIEL PEMBERTON PLAYING) - (DOOR SHUTS) (DOOR OPENS) (DOOR CLOSES) What the fuck? And I look him right in the eye, and I smile.
And that was awesome, man, just getting to stare that asshole down.
I get why you dig this job.
Yeah, you know, it has its moments, doesn't it? You were right.
Fuck A-Train.
Fuck A-Train.
Fuck-fuck The Seven.
Fuck all Seven.
What are we, uh what are we doing here? Well, you got to go to work, don't you? Yeah, but, um, I don't, uh Well, I mean, that's all I need you for right now, yeah? Yeah, I mean, but I-I can I can help with other stuff, you know? I could I could be, like, your tech guy.
You know? Like, I could be in the van with the thing and, like, you know, "He's down the hall to the left.
" Like, I can Yeah, look, son, I, uh I think it's best that I take it from here.
- You know what I mean? - Yeah, but I-I can I can really help.
I know you can help.
I got it.
(HUGHIE EXHALES) (ENGINE SPUTTERS) Oh, w Oh, hey, wait.
(ENGINE STARTS) You ever see an asshole tear up $45K? Hughie.
You're a good lad.
(TIRES SQUEAK) (SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE) (PHONE BUZZING) (BEEPS) Ms.
Stillwell, I wasn't sure you'd call.
(CHUCKLES) This fucking chafes, but, um I'm willing to come down to $230 million for Nubian Prince.
That's very reasonable, Maddie.
Thank you.
And, Steve, this, um, Compound V, any rumors you may have heard about my heroes libelous and completely untrue.
But we all know how rumors spread, so I'd appreciate your discretion.
Of course.
You have my word.
Thank you.
Have a safe flight home.
(EXHALES) Policing cities is a thorny enough issue as it is, but allowing superheroes into national defense? We'd basically be privatizing war.
(GARY CLEARS THROAT) Good night, Hughie.
You'll lock up? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Thanks, Gary.
(BELL JINGLING) Sorry, we're closing up.
Hello? (FOOTSTEPS) TRANSLUCENT: Who are you? The fuck? TRANSLUCENT: Right in front of you, prick.
(HUGHIE PANTING) You think I wouldn't find this thing? Hughie.
(GRUNTING) (SHOUTING) You pussy, I followed you from the fucking Tower.
- (GRUNTING) - No, no, no! (GROANS, COUGHS) Who's that guy you were with, in the car? - Who was he?! - I don't - He put you up to this? - I don't know! He was just some Uber driver, okay? Don't give me some bullshit! Uber driver! Do you think I'm a fucking idiot? - Why'd you plant the bug? - Please.
Please, please, please.
No, please.
TRANSLUCENT: We're The Seven, Earth's most mighty, champions of the innocent, motherfucker! (PANTING) Sorry about the mess.
You should fuck off, Hughie.
("LONDON CALLING" BY THE CLASH PLAYING) Hughie, run! Well, well, well, if it ain't the invisible cunt.
- London calling to the faraway towns - (TRANSLUCENT CHUCKLES) - (GRUNTS) - Now war is declared And battle come down London calling to the underworld Come out of the cupboard, you boys and girls - (CRASHING SOUNDS) - (GRUNTING) (VOCALIZING) (CRACKING) (HAWKS, SPITS) There you are.
(GRUNTING) (GROANING) (PANTING) - London - (GRUNTS) (GROANING) TRANSLUCENT: So who are you? Fucking spy? For who? Huh? You're gonna fucking tell me, or I'm gonna smash your fucking scalp off! Who the fuck are you?! I'll tell you who you are.
A fucking moron.
"Translucent" doesn't even mean "invisible".
It means "semi-transparent".
("TAKE YOU DOWN" BY DANIEL PEMBERTON PLAYING) (GRUNTS) - (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) - (SCREAMING) (PANTING) (BUTCHER GROANING) Is he is he dead? - Is he - (GRUNTS) (PANTING) Well, he ain't moving.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit.
How'd you know the electric could do the job? Skin's carbon.
Highly conductive.
Saw it on, uh, Jimmy Fallon.
Would've taken me forever to work that one out.
Good job.
Let's get him in the boot.
Wait, wait, what? Wait, what? What? (GRUNTS) The trunk.
No, no, I mean, what are we what are we what are we doing with him? Well, Hughie, you just offed one of The Seven, mate.
Me? I You-you hit him with a fucking car! Look, potato, fucking po-tah-to.
We're both in a shitload of trouble.
No, no, no, we're not! It's It He-he attacked us, okay? And you're-you're a federal officer, you know? Just-just call the fucking FBI.
Yeah, o-okay, so, look, technically, I'm not a Fed.
What?! Then who the fuck are you?! ("THE PASSENGER" BY IGGY POP PLAYING) Don't worry about it, kiddo.
It's just a little turbulence.
It'll be okay.
(WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY) Oh, the passenger (GRUNTING) (EXHALES) (QUIETLY): Whoa.
Dad.
Dad.
Dad! What's he doing out here? Are you guys friends? He sees the winding ocean drive And everything was made - For you and me - Oh, my God.
All of it was made for you and me 'Cause it just belongs to you and me So let's take a ride and see what's mine Singin' la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la-la Oh, the passenger He rides and he rides He sees things from under glass He looks through his window's eye He sees the things he knows are his He sees the bright and hollow sky He sees the city asleep at night He sees the stars are out tonight And all of it is yours and mine And all of it is yours and mine So let's ride and ride and ride and ride Singin' la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la-la Singin' la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la-la Singin' la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la-la-la