The Chair (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

["Vivaldi: Gloria in D Major, RV 589"
playing]
Gloria, Gloria ♪
Gloria, Gloria ♪
In excelsis Deo ♪
Gloria, Gloria ♪
Gloria, Gloria ♪
In excelsis Deo ♪
Gloria in excelsis ♪
Gloria in excelsis Deo ♪
In excelsis ♪
- [chair snaps]
- What the fuck?
- [thuds on floor]
- [groans]
[indistinct chatter]
Ah! There she is. [applauding]
- [man] Woman of the hour.
- Morning.
- Hey.
- Ah, condolences.
- Oh, thank you. Where's Joan?
- I don't know.
Welcome back, everyone.
- Here's a little swag from Dean Larson.
- [man 2] Whoa.
- Our first lady chair.
- Woman chair.
Aren't you gonna sit
at the head of the table?
Chair sits at the head of the table.
Thank you, Elliot.
- Don't mind if I do.
- [chuckles]
Is this green or brown?
Let's try this again.
It's lovely to see you all.
In a couple of minutes,
we'll know if that was right.
Okay, first order of business
Bill's not here.
Maybe we could cut him some slack,
given his situation.
Bill is sending his daughter
off to college. He'll be here any minute.
[girl] Hey.
Get your shit together.
I'm gone now, and that's the way
it's gonna be for the rest of your life.
Um, you're not gone.
Yes, I am.
And what happened, happened.
[inhales deeply]
The time when people were, like,
leaving casseroles and whatever
at the house, it's over.
Okay. Are you finished?
- Yes, I'm done.
- [Bill] Okay.
I'm not gonna miss you.
I'm just gonna miss this guy and this guy.
- Stop.
- [Bill] Goodbye to you and you.
Uh-huh, okay.
Go. Get outta here.
- Text me when you land.
- [girl] Okay, stalker.
I'm not gonna sugarcoat this.
We are in dire crisis.
Enrollments are down more than 30%.
Our budget is being gutted.
It feels like the sea
is washing the ground
out from under our feet.
But in these unprecedented times,
we have to prove
that what we do in the classroom
- [urinating]
- modeling critical thinking,
stressing the value of empathy,
is more important than ever,
and has value to the public good.
[zipping]
It's true, we can't teach our students
coding or engineering.
What we teach them cannot be quantified
- or put down on a résumé as a skill.
- [keys jangling]
But let us have pride
- in what we can offer future generations.
- [clicking]
We need to remind these young people
that knowledge doesn't just come
from spreadsheets or or Wiki entries.
Hey, I was thinking this morning
about our tech-addled culture,
and and how our students
are hyperconnected 24 hours a day,
and I was reminded of something, um,
Harold Bloom wrote.
He said,
"Information is endlessly available to us.
Where shall wisdom be found?"
[door opens]
They moved my office
to the basement under the gym.
- [uproar]
- What?
All my books, my my stuff, my drawers,
dumped into these open carts
that are sitting on the floor
of the basement over there right now.
- [uproar]
- Why would they do that?
I heard a rumor.
They're forcing everybody over 55
to take early retirement.
[man 3] This is the beginning
of the end.
Okay, people.
People, let's try not to panic.
Well, it's easy for you to say. You're 51.
I'm 46.
You're kidding.
[inhales deeply]
I want to make you this promise.
I will not allow this department
to be ransacked.
This is a list of names.
These folks have the highest salaries
and lowest enrollments in your department.
I'm sorry to spring this on you
your first week.
- There's no one here who's dispensable.
- Oh, come on. These old-timers?
They're averaging five students a course.
I mean, I'm not denying their profound
contribution to American letters, but
[Joan] I got it!
[Larson]we've been offering
very generous retirement packages, and
So, before I bring out the stick,
maybe you could use
your persuasive powers as chair.
I've got some ideas
on how to increase enrollments.
Now, Yasmin McKay
is up for tenure this year.
I wanted to talk to you about giving her
the Distinguished Lectureship.
We can't talk about opening any lines,
or the Distinguished Lectureship.
Student enrollment was down before.
Now it's catastrophic.
Is that why you put Joan
in the basement of the wellness center?
How'd that happen? Oh, let me talk to Deb.
Now, listen. I know you, um
I know you had big plans for this year.
I know this place is antiquated.
A lumbering dinosaur.
But you remember when I when I
called you, told you you had tenure?
Remember what I said?
If anyone can bring Pembroke
into the 21st century, it is you.
Well
I just need three names.
[classical music playing]
[sighs]
Is this Sex and the Novel?
Oh, no, this is Survey of American Letters
1850 to 1918!
My office hours are Tuesdays and Thursdays
from 1:00 to 2:00,
but you can really come anytime
because I basically live here.
Oh! If any of you are on the wait list,
shoot me an email.
[classical music continues]
[indistinct chatter]
Hey. Thank you so much
for agreeing to chair my tenure case.
- Ji-Yoon just gave me the news.
- Sure.
Are Are you okay?
Why'd she schedule
two American Lit courses at the same time?
Oh, uh, I don't know.
Maybe she thought that our content
was different enough.
Sex and the Novel?
That's what you're calling this?
Yeah.
[gasps] You know, actually,
I have a list of external reviewers.
Um [smacks lips]
Where is it? Shoot, did I
[footsteps receding]
[Ji-Yoon] Between you and me,
he's on the list.
What list?
What if we combined your sections?
You want me to co-teach
with the chair of my tenure committee?
I want him to see you in action
in the classroom.
He's gonna think I'm his TA.
There's no way
he's gonna be able to dismiss you
when he sees
how fuckin' brilliant you are!
I already set my syllabus, so
Listen, when Bill was an undergrad,
Elliot was the one
who packed the halls here.
You couldn't even get into his lectures
without special permission unless you
Yeah, and he hasn't updated
those lectures in like 30 years.
Still.
He makes or breaks careers.
- [exhales]
- [Ji-Yoon] Yaz,
I get it. When I started, it was like,
"Why's some Asian lady
teaching Emily Dickinson?"
[chuckles]
But we have a real opening here.
You're going up for tenure.
I I'm chair of this department.
The dean has my back,
so let's just get your case through,
and then let's
fucking shake this place up.
[uplifting music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[breathing heavily]
Shit.
[grunts]
[student] The male adventure narrative?
Sure. Anybody else?
When we talk about
the American Renaissance, what
Okay.
We're playing catch up here
since our lectures merged.
- Uh, you wanna help hand these out?
- Um, sure.
That's Professor McKay, by the way,
who has graciously agreed
to join our class.
[students murmuring]
["Uncontrollable Urge" by Devo playing]
Whoo!
Whoo!
Oh [grunts]
[brakes screeching]
[panting]
Professor Dobson?
Are you okay?
[spits]
[Joan] "Love is blind."
Who popularized the phrase?
You can all probably guess.
Chaucer.
Otherwise known
as the father of modern English.
You'll be astonished
how many images and idioms
from our everyday speech
come to us directly from the 14th century.
[breathes deeply]
You don't have to have an answer.
I I'm more interested in your questions
than your answers.
It's It's not about having
a fixed analysis.
[students murmuring]
When When When I get up in the morning,
I'm excited to come to class,
not because I get to teach you,
but because I I get to learn from you.
- Professor Kim
- Mm-hmm.
would you be willing to sign?
We're trying to put some pressure
on the administration.
Oh, isn't this a student petition?
Yeah, but we're trying to get some
faculty of color on board too.
Sure thing.
- [girl] Is this okay?
- [sighs]
Yeah. Uh, thanks again.
Uh, I'm actually I'm on the wait list
for, uh, Death and Modernism.
Would you mind signing? [chuckling]
- Mm-hmm.
- [girl] Thanks.
Um, my brother told me
you're the reason to come here.
- What's your brother's name?
- Jesse Eisenstadt. Remember him?
Um
In my family, you're like a household god.
[sighs]
"I grow old, I grow old"
"I shall wear the bottoms
Of my trousers rolled"
What?
I read.
[car door closes]
[whispers] Holy shit.
[loud hip-hop music playing]
[Joan] I mean, I can't hear myself think.
Yes, it's terrible.
[music continues]
Let's go.
Okay.
They're putting me out to pasture.
I mean what else could this be?
This is a Title IX lawsuit
waiting to happen.
How do How do you know?
Because we're gonna march over there
and report it as such.
What's the point in having
a Title IX office if we don't use it?
I'll make the report myself.
It'll be like it was my idea.
Our first female chair,
already a troublemaker.
- [chuckles]
- I'm proud of you.
[Ji-Yoon] Oh, don't thank me yet.
- I didn't.
- [Ji-Yoon] Oh.
Hey, uh
when's the last time
you checked out your student evals?
Will you?
I don't cater to to consumer demands.
- I'm not trying to be popular.
- Well, then you're wildly succeeding.
[Joan] Oh. [scoffs]
[Ji-Yoon] Our department
is hemorrhaging enrollments.
We have to retain students,
or
Or? Or what?
Larson just painted
a very ominous picture.
More ominous than usual?
Yeah.
Are you asking everyone?
Yes.
I mean, it'll take some coercion
in Bill's case, but yes.
[scoffs] He worships you.
Mmm.
- [Joan] What?
- No, it's just
[inhales deeply]
It's still weird between us.
Of course it is, you moron.
Sharon died
so now there's no guardrail.
Sorry I'm late.
[door closes]
Give me one second.
[woman] Hi.
[Bill] Okay.
- Where's my dongle?
- Your dongle's in your hand.
- How'd that happen?
- I put it there.
All right.
We are going to start
with a few images I've assembled,
if I can get this thing to cooperate.
Pembroke English teacher
electrocutes himself while
- [students laugh]
- [Bill on screen] Are you okay?
Sharon?
I can't tell whether I have to take a shit
or whether she's coming.
[Bill] I think I might be cumming.
[Sharon] Don't make me laugh.
[Sharon and Bill laughing]
[Sharon speaking indistinctly]
[Bill] No, I'm a good businessman.
We'll run a little side
- Professor Dobson?
- Oh fuck.
- [students murmuring]
- [Bill exhales]
Sorry about that. [chuckles]
Wow, okay. Um, this is Lila.
She is writing a brilliant dissertation.
[softly] Which I will finish reading soon.
- Um, welcome to Contemporary Lit.
- Death and Modernism.
[students murmuring]
Welcome to Death and Modernism.
I usually have them tweet
their favorite line from Moby-Dick.
Tweet?
Last semester "Call me Ishmael"
tied with
"From hell's heart I stab at thee."
No, no, no, I want them to become
absorbed in the story,
in the beauty of the phrasing.
I mean, if all they're doing is looking
for the flashiest soundbite, I
It's just an exercise, so
It's low-hanging fruit.
It's a way of connecting with them.
And I find that it mobilizes
the skills of close reading.
[sighs]
[laptop keys clacking]
You're the Melville scholar,
so [chuckles]
[creaking]
[door opens]
- What happened to your chair?
- How did you get in here?
Couldn't bear the weight
of a little Korean lady?
How did you get in?
[keys jangling]
Give me those keys. Give them to me.
- There, you can have them.
- Oh, my Stop it.
Give me the keys.
You're not the chair anymore.
- Gimme
- [grunting] Get off!
- They're right here.
- Ooh!
- Oh my God!
- [both laugh]
- [Ji-Yoon] Come here.
- [Bill laughs]
You I totally have them! Yes! Yes!
- Oh shit!
- [Ji-Yoon] I can feel them!
Oh my God!
- [laughs]
- Sorry.
Oh. No, we're just
- [sighs]
- Mm-mm.
[sighs] You're making me
look unprofessional.
[groans, sniffles]
[clears throat] I'm sorry I missed
your first meeting.
Well, I defended you
against the hordes of actual attendees.
- How'd it go?
- How did [sighs]
No, really, how was it?
Uh, she read me the riot act.
She wants me to pull my socks up,
'cause I'm on my own now.
That's not true, I'm here.
I mean I mean, we're all here.
I di I didn't
I didn't I di
Yeah.
Uh, you know, I'm gonna give Yaz
the Distinguished Lectureship.
- He said yes?
- Well
Well, not exactly.
He gave me a list
of the three faculty members
who are paid the highest
and have the lowest enrollments.
- Joan, Rentz, McHale.
- McHale.
I mean, he wants me
to talk them into retirement?
I hope you told him to fuck off.
I serve at the pleasure of the dean.
[Bill scoffs] He wishes.
You know, it's your job as chair
to advocate
Well, in five years,
do you think we'll exist?
The English Department?
I feel like I arrived at the party after
after last call.
- It's also your job as chair to boost
- Punch you in the fucking face?
[chuckles] My face is my fortune, baby.
- That's why I'm totally broke. [laughs]
- Oh, that's why you're flat broke.
Mm-hmm.
- I gotta I gotta get some work done.
- Yep.
Oh, and also,
no more rides from female students.
My car's impounded.
I'm getting it back this afternoon.
- What are you, a spy?
- What are you, a moron?
Some flunky
from the Dean of Students emailed me.
You know that was Dafna Eisenstadt?
Eisenstadt,
like Board of Trustees Eisenstadt.
[smacking lips] Oh.
Yeah.
I need everyone on their best behavior.
It's important
for the health of the department.
[sighs]
"Important for the health
of the department?"
- I don't know why I just Get out.
- [Bill] What?
- I feel it now.
- Get out.
[car door closes]
[dog barking]
[keys jangling]
[door unlocks]
[sighs]
- Hi, Appa.
- [man] Hi.
Hi, sweetheart.
[grunts] Did she finish all her homework?
[in Korean] Yes, she has.
[in English] Good.
[sighs] Appa
I told you to take this down.
[in Korean] I'll put it away.
I need to talk to you.
[in English] Well, are you still
sending him frozen steaks to Michigan?
[in Korean] So about Ju Ju
I have to tell you something.
Ju Ju's teacher told me she needs to see
a psychiatrist as soon as possible.
- [in English] Shh. What?
- [in Korean] She can't understand Korean.
- [in English] She's starting to.
- [in Korean] She drew this.
They said in 17 years of teaching
they have never seen anything
this disturbing.
[spits]
[Ju Ju spits]
[Ju Ju] How old were you
when your mom died?
Fourteen.
Hey. I'm not gonna die when you're 14.
How do you know?
Look at me!
[grunts]
Oh, I think I just hurt my shoulder.
[grunts, groans]
[laughs]
If something happened to you,
who would take care of me?
Habi's so old.
You don't have to worry about that. Hmm?
When you die, would you still remember me?
Yes.
Want me to lie with you?
No.
[dog barking in distance]
[upbeat music playing]
[typing]
[Lila] Dr. Kim?
Dr. Kim.
- Hey.
- [Ji-Yoon] Hey.
I can't find Bill.
What do you mean?
He's AWOL.
[sighs]
Okay.
Hey. Did you lose your phone?
You're late for class. Again.
And you can't just hang out in my office.
Oh my God. Jesus, really?
Are you kidding me?
- Sorry. Sorry.
- [Ji-Yoon] Get the other one.
Um, maybe we should just start.
I'm sure she'll be here.
[woman] Great.
First of all, I have to let you know
that we are not a designated
confidential resource here on campus.
I mean, we try to maintain privacy,
but if there are safety concerns
in regards to
Oh, there aren't. I'm not being stalked.
This isn't an unwanted overture
type of thing. [sniffles]
At my age, I'm not sure there's
such a thing as an unwanted overture.
- And are you yourself the complainant?
- Yes.
How long have you been
working here at Pembroke?
- Thirty-two years.
- Wow. That's a really long time.
Which department?
English.
I wonder if I might speak with the person
who's actually going to handle my case.
Unfortunately, there isn't going to be
an investigator assigned to your case
until I decide
whether it rises to the level
of a Title IX policy violation.
They moved my office
into some kind of subterranean shithole
in the athletics building.
Other instructors of my rank,
all of whom are men, were not moved.
What's your relationship like
with your chair?
- Have you mentioned this to him?
- Her.
Sorry.
Her. [laughs]
Maybe I should write myself up.
Uh, she was supposed to be here.
This This was her idea.
I don't know what happened.
Ah, so she's aware that you feel
that your new office is a shithole?
- You don't think I'm telling the truth?
- Truth is a very loaded word.
[Joan] Is it though?
If something's true,
there's no moral weight applied to it.
It's a mere statement of fact.
For example,
it would be true for me to say
everyone can see your fanny.
- What?
- Your butt is sticking out of your shorts.
When I walked in.
You are the first point of contact
for people who are coming in here,
some of whom need to report
having been violated.
Uh, and you you
I understand you want to be body-positive.
But maybe the place to do that
isn't a Title IX intake office.
Professor Hambling,
one of the great things about Title IX
is that it protects women
regardless of how they dress.
You're not a lawyer, are you?
How did you get this job?
I came from a non-profit
where I helped place refugee
immigrant children into foster families.
Well, I hope they didn't have to look
at your fucking fanny while you did that.
Lila mentioned
there's still some holes in your syllabus.
- It has "TBD" for the next eight weeks.
- [grunts]
The kids are asking her what they're,
you know, actually gonna study.
They're gonna study death and something.
Taxes?
Modernism.
- Nah, it's not that.
- Hey.
I don't know how to say this,
so I'm just gonna say it.
Get your shit together.
That's exactly what Doodles said.
- It's funny, the two of you are like
- There's nothing funny about it, Bill.
Pay attention to your courses.
The only reason you enroll high
is because of your reputation.
What does that mean?
You need to start showing up.
Wow. Okay. Really?
When I was chair,
I didn't ride your ass like this.
When you were chair,
I wasn't fucking phoning it in.
How many of you did the reading for today?
I mean honestly.
Okay. All right. Okay.
How many of you are drunk right now?
[students laugh]
Or stoned?
See? That's fine.
[writing on chalkboard]
Life isn't what you think.
It'll never be what you think.
[writing on chalkboard]
All meaning is ascribed to the state.
There is no meaning.
The idea that we exist
in a purposeless universe
came about after two World Wars,
85 million dead including the camps.
- What do Camus and Beckett have in common?
- [phone chimes]
[student] They both fought
in the resistance.
Yes.
For two people who were convinced
that there's no cure
for being on this Earth,
that there's nothing to be done
they still tried.
Cesare Pavese wrote
that the only way to escape from the abyss
is to look at it, measure it,
sound its depths, and go down into it
He thought he was the King of America ♪
Where they pour Coca Cola
Just like vintage wine ♪
Now I try hard
Not to become hysterical ♪
But I'm not sure
If I am laughing or crying ♪
I wish that I could push a button ♪
And talk in the past
And not the present tense ♪
And watch
This hurtin' feeling disappear ♪
Like it was common sense ♪
It was a fine idea at the time ♪
Now it's a brilliant mistake ♪
She said that she was working
For the ABC News ♪
It was as much of the alphabet
As she knew how to use ♪
Her perfume was unspeakable
It lingered in the air ♪
Like her artificial laughter
Her mementos of affairs ♪
"Oh," I said, "I see you know him" ♪
"Isn't that very fortunate for you" ♪
And she showed me his calling card ♪
He came third or fourth ♪