The Chef Show (2019) s01e01 Episode Script

1
Thanks for having us at Goop Headquarters.
Thanks for having me.
I mean, thanks for coming.
Oh, you're welcome.
I cooked a Cubano here.
And with Gwyneth.
-Oh, yeah? A Gubano?
-A Gubano.
-She cooked one too. It was wonderful.
-It was amazing.
So, what's happening, guys?
Wanna tell her what we're making?
It's a special recipe for you.
Just for you.
It's a pepper pot.
This is your namesake
in the Marvel universe.
Okay, what is happening
in the pepper pot?
A pepper pot,
obviously from the Caribbean.
Real simple, you know, a very homey stew.
We're making it vegetarian
'cause we're at Goop.
Thank you. Thanks.
We're making it very healthy,
but packed with a lot, a lot of flavor.
The most important thing is to have spice.
And what makes it a pepper pot?
Is it the Scotch bonnet?
Is the spice?
-It's the Scotch bonnet.
- Right.
The Scotch bonnet is really
what makes it the pepper pot.
All right. So, what are we gonna do?
We're gonna need some minced
Scotch bonnet habaneros.
-If you want--
-She's very good, by the way, Roy.
You could pick some more thyme
if you'd like--
I get relegated to the thyme job.
This soup is made like any other soup,
where you start with the aromatics.
We have onions, green onions,
garlic,
thyme,
Scotch bonnets
and we put all the aromatics in like that.
And I-- Oh, jeez, it's hot,
just breathing it.
Smells delicious, though, right?
-Really?
-Yeah. I got
I got verklempt.
Look at that.
Part of the reason we do this is
I used to cook with Roy
all the time when he was training me.
Yeah?
Then the movie came out
and it all ended.
-It's like being dumped.
-It really was.
It was, like, "When are we cooking again?"
Ooh. That's not good.
Have you seen
Gwyneth's cooking stuff on Goop?
I think I was-- I've been following Goop
since the very, very beginning.
-Thanks, Roy.
-Not as early as I was.
I was following Goop since it was a blog
on video village on Iron Man.
-That's true.
-Oh, wow.
And by the way, it's about the same time
that Gwyneth brought the Kogi truck
to the set of Iron Man.
And that's the first time I had your food,
before we ever met.
And back then seeing a Kogi truck was
like spotting a unicorn.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
Thank God for me. You'd still be eating,
like, grilled cheese.
That was one of the biggest milestones
of Kogi's career,
because we're all comic book geeks
at Kogi.
- Oh, yeah?
-And so, when we--
Our first big event was doing Iron Man.
We were losing our shit.
Well, now you're cooking a pepper pot
for Pepper Potts.
You cannot get more comic-book nerdy
than what we're doing right now.
-It's meta.
-It's very meta.
I'm adding kale and broccoli here.
Spinach.
-So you see we have all the aromatics on.
- Yeah.
-All that smell was seasoned.
-Oh, my God.
That smells so good.
Is this-- Now, does this pass
the Goop sniff test so far
with the ingredients
you're seeing, Gwyneth?
-Yeah.
-'Cause we're trying to be very cognizant.
Usually there's a big hunk
of either tripe or beef in there.
-Oh, really?
- Yeah.
This is very exciting.
It's just a real simple recipe for--
It's sort of like a stewed meat.
We feel like there's so many
incredible recipes
on the internet and books,
that have fabulous traditional meats
and cheese and dairy.
So, you know,
we just try to give an alternative.
We're gonna add the stock.
How do you keep this from browning?
-Should we be soaking this?
-We're gonna salt it.
-She's gonna salt it.
-Oh.
Thank you.
The next thing you guys could do is
zest these citruses,
which I found back here.
I didn't know if they were real or not,
and they are, so
-You thought they were wax?
-Yeah.
What is this TV show for?
-We don't know.
-Nobody knows.
We don't really know.
It's like we-- I started just filming.
We were actually doing it
when we were filming Spider-Man.
That was the first time, we just brought
a film crew with us down to Atlanta.
-And we cooked at the Optimist--
-Spider-Man?
Yeah, we were in Spider-Man together.
Remember we were on Spider-Man?
-We weren't in Spider-Man.
-Yes, we-- Yes, we were.
Homecoming.
-You were in Spider-Man.
-No.
-Yeah.
-I was in Avengers--
No, you were in Spider-Man also.
-What?
-It's become--
Remember, Spider-Man at the end, and--
Tom Holland's there and you're gonna
walk out and do a press conference?
-Oh, yes.
-I give you the ring?
-That was Spider-Man.
-That was Spider-Man?
-Oh, my God!
Salt.
Jon, while she's doing that,
what you could do is pick these flowers
into beautiful garnishes.
- Yeah.
- And there's more right behind you.
- Oh, okay.
- This soup's gonna be ready soon.
-So, how-- Like that?
-Wow, that smells awesome.
-Yeah.
-Okay.
Some of the green will work as well.
So, like, what Popeye would bring
to Olive Oyle on a date.
Remember that from Popeye,
he would like walk over,
pick the flowers from her front yard
and give 'em to her?
Yeah. That bouquet--
-It's a Popeye bouquet right here.
- That was very romantic.
-It's better than nothing.
-Do you like flowers, Gwyneth?
I do.
What's the thing that you like
the most to receive as a gift?
I love flowers.
Um
I used to bring burritos to rap shows.
And then out of all the things
Like, we would like--
Everyone would love it.
-It would be in every one of my pockets--
-Kogi in your pocket?
-Yeah.
-That's genius.
You're like Harpo Marx.
Yes.
Yeah, we're gonna add the sweet potato
and the eggplant.
Salt and pepper.
-He's not afraid of salt.
-No, not at all. It's taking a lot.
So, now you're gonna cook the eggplant
in this purée and vegetable broth.
Almost like a chowder now.
The sweet potato and eggplant
will be like croutons.
-Knaidlach.
-Yes.
Do we have serving bowls?
All I have to do is say a Yiddish word
and it makes-- It makes her laugh.
You needn't ever know the definition,
'cause it always fits. It's like a--
-Onomatopeia. It just sounds what it does.
-It does sound like it, right?
-Like schmutz sounds like what it is.
-Always sounds like--
But, knaidlach actually means--
Knaidlach is matzah balls,
knaidlach is funnier.
How long does it take for the eggplant--
It's gonna take about 15, 20 minutes.
So, you want it to get what consistency?
-And you let it boil that high?
- Uh-huh.
So, why you sometimes boil
and sometimes just simmer?
No, this is gonna now go to a simmer.
I just bring it up
to give it a lot of action.
And then now it's gonna simmer
and get, you know, the sweet potatoes
and everything all really tender.
You want it to be soft, but not mushy.
So, like gnocchi?
Kind of, yeah. That's a good example.
That's boiling. You've asbestos tongue.
How are you eating that?
That's the whole thing. That's why I look
like I didn't know what I was doing--
Every time you--
There's so many takes in Chef
that are blown 'cause my fingers-- Ow!
'Cause the real chefs, they're like--
They reach into the oven,
picking chips off the boiling oil
- That's crazy.
- Yeah, I know, it's crazy.
A pepper pot. Was that your idea?
It was his. And then
the vegetable version
kinda came together after.
-So rad.
-He got Goopified.
He got Goopified. He got Gooped.
Some garnish right there.
Look at those beautiful cilantro flowers.
Beautiful job.
-A little more Scotch bonnet.
- Oh. None of that's in there yet.
- There is a little bit.
- Gonna blow your socks off.
Gotta stir it well.
You don't wanna get the one spoon with it.
All right. There you go. Pepper pot.
What do you think?
Oh, that's great. Oh, it's--
It's got some kick to it!
Wow!
-That's what makes a pepper pot.
-That's what makes it a pepper pot.
-Put some hair on your chest!
-Yeah.
Gives you that Caribbean feel.
- It's good, right? It's spicy.
- Boy, you're incredible.
-It's spicy. It's very--
-Even for you?
It grows on you for sure.
I like the--
-Wow. Those are strong.
-That's how it's supposed to be.
This is great, Roy.
So what've you got?
You prepped some stuff.
Um. No, no, we're gonna prep it together.
What're we doing?
Today we're gonna make
roast mojo pork.
So let's start
taking the tops off these, please.
You start mixing all the stuff together.
We're gonna get the brine going first,
then we're gonna come back around
- Yeah. Okay.
-to making the mojo.
Here we go.
Put in the orange juice.
-Both?
-Both of 'em.
And then the vinegar.
-The rum? Here we go.
-Yep.
Some water.
Cup of salt.
Half a cup of sugar.
Lots of minced ginger.
Minced garlic. And then we have the sage,
oregano, rosemary, thyme.
There's peppercorns and six bay leaves.
There you go.
This is what Leguizamo was doing
in Chef, right?
Yeah, when he was
dancing.
Yeah. Was he brining
or was that the mojo?
-That was the actual--
- He was brining.
So, how long would you brine for?
Like, what's the--
We're gonna brine all day today.
So, you can brine overnight
or at least six hours or so.
So, we're gonna go right into here.
Let's take the pork and put 'em in there.
And with bare hands is all right on this?
Or should I be wearing gloves?
Right? 'Cause you're handling pork.
Is it better to--
I mean, what are your thoughts on that?
I don't really give a shit.
To be honest with you.
-To me, cooking is cooking.
- As for safety. For--
No, for us as cooks,
we like cooking with our hands like this.
'Cause we're gonna wash 'em
right after. But
But there's no problem with gloves either.
So just put that right in there.
Now just pour that brine over.
Give it that Leguizamo love.
So what're you doing? Just making sure
that it's getting everywhere--
-Yeah, yeah. Just massage it.
- Just like an octopus?
Yeah.
So when I brine, I usually bag it.
You just let it sit in it like this?
-Oh, yeah.
-Does that matter? Just like this is good?
Just like that is great.
It can go right into the refrigerator.
So the next thing I want you to do is
start to make the mojo.
- Cilantro.
- Yeah.
Olive oil.
Mint.
Oregano.
-Orange zest or lemons?
-Orange.
Orange juice. So we can use
all these plastic containers again, yeah?
- We will.
- Okay, good.
-Lime juice.
- Yeah.
Ground cumin.
Just salt.
Some black pepper.
Minced garlic.
How come you mince it
before you put it in?
-I don't know why I did that.
-Okay.
Okay?
We gotta save it for later
when we put the pork in the oven.
Okay.
Can you grab the pork
from the refrigerator?
Nice.
We can start marinating it.
Just brush it all around
so we don't get too much waste.
-You could use this for carnitas.
-You can fry it as well if you want.
Yeah, we could do this in carnita with--
Add a little oil to it.
Then I'd put it in an oven really low
for about 15 hours.
But then for Cubanos, we--
Cubanos, we're gonna cook this
probably about three to four hours
and crank it up for a half hour.
Get a nice crust on it
and then pull it out, cool it.
Okay, so, season it a little bit.
-All right, so tomorrow we do the Cubanos?
-Yep, let's do it.
I saw you in Chef
making that grilled cheese sandwhich.
-That's why I'm here.
-We're gonna do it again.
You're gonna be Jon this time.
I enjoyed that little five seconds--
15 seconds
At the end credits?
as well as I enjoyed the whole movie,
and I loved the movie.
Thank you.
Me and my wife were watching it
when he was like,
"This is your whole world."
And he was just moving
the sandwich around.
-Nothing else exists. Except this.
-Right.
And that was a rehearsal.
We were rehearsing,
he was showing me how to do--
He was like my corner man.
He took me through the recipe
one last time before I had to film it.
-Uh-huh.
-And I rolled on it.
-And that was that whole conversation.
-So that's real!
-That's real.
- That's why it was so intense.
It was like laser focus.
So we'll get
to that grilled cheese in a second,
but let's do the Cubanos first,
which are the signature
of the whole movie.
We just cut them into thirds.
And then you're gonna cut 'em
right down the middle here.
That's advanced stuff, though.
-Yeah. So you wanna--
-I don't know if I can handle this.
Just let the blade pressure
and you want it to be even
all the way through.
-So there's more on top--
-Or no it can go right down the middle.
-There you go.
- Watch those fingers, buddy.
No. Flat-- Flat palm. There you go.
I would add some excitement
to this episode.
-Here's what we cooked. I--
-Crushed it. Look at that.
Perfect. Let's see.
-Look at that.
- There you go.
- So you want me to start slicing?
- Yeah.
So this is what we had from yesterday.
-That's nice, huh?
- This one came out really nice.
All right, somebody's gonna get
a bigger sandwich than other people.
I saw you cooking that pie.
What was the story behind that?
You posted that up?
Yeah. I literally-- I made, like, a video.
My mother makes all these great pies,
but she lives on the East Coast,
I live on the West Coast.
I never understood, like,
going home for Thanksgiving,
flying 12 hours round trip to eat,
you know.
-Right.
- So, I just had her teach me.
I made like a game-film.
Breaking down her whole--
- Pie game?
- Yeah.
Ta-da!
Here you go.
Ol' fucking Billy pie crust
for Christmas.
I just thought it'd be funny
to watch somebody tell us, like,
shit and dick jokes, like--
Just be like a random thing.
And he also makes a pie crust, you know.
It just seemed inherently funny, so
-Happy holidays.
-Yeah.
By the way, do you guys curse
on this show or no?
-I don't know yet.
-We just did.
I guess we just started doing it.
Have you buttered them all yet?
No. Am I slowing you down?
If this was a reality show,
you'd be screaming at me right now.
I would.
- See what I did? Put us behind.
- No, we're good.
I can literally feel the tension
you have right now
-that I haven't finished buttering them--
-I'm watching you here.
You're so wrong by the way.
As a comedian,
you learn to read the crowd.
What's also cool with Roy is that
I've been following him around kitchens.
And he's got the truck
and three different restaurants going.
I've never heard him raise his voice once
to his staff.
Well, speaking from experience,
that little look was enough.
So what're you doing here?
Like, how do you get the perfect color
and everything?
All that buttering you did--
See, look at that.
-When you get that across-- Yeah.
- That's the color you want?
Constantly adjusting the flame,
making sure things are lovely.
What did you see there
that made you want to turn it up?
See the bubbling? I don't see
enough action going on here.
Doesn't feel
like they're having a good time.
It means the bread cooled down
the griddle a little bit.
So now I'm reinserting myself
into the party here.
So I guess
that's the sound you want.
Yeah.
And if you wanna keep checking these,
then here's a spatula here
if it gets too hot.
-Already nervous just doing this.
-It is. It's a big responsibility.
It is. This takes me back to school,
like when I didn't wanna get called on.
-"Don't pick me. Don't pick me."
Wanna start doing the mustard, Jon? Nice.
I think we got a man overboard.
-The missing puzzle piece.
-Oh, the puzzle piece?
See that? I'm not good at math.
I have a couple of suspects here.
These are all bottoms.
Yeah. I think--
How many times would you have fired me
at this point?
I might've taken over the grill
at this point.
Is that the moment
where I fold up my knives?
-I roll up the thing I just walk out.
-Yes.
"You know, I had a good time on the show.
I'm still gonna open my restaurant,
you know.
I don't care what he says.
I still have my dreams." You know?
-"That guy's a jerk." You know?
Not like learning anything from it.
Just blaming everybody else.
-Yeah.
-I'm good at that.
This one, a good way to do is just grab
a handful, like dealing cards,
and you go in order like that.
By the time you're done
layering them down,
you come back to the first one
and flip it over.
Yep.
You can actually get in with him, Jon.
There's another spatula here.
You're gonna have to move really quick.
'Cause we got the
The funny thing though is
after you're done cooking
and smelling and tasting,
by the time it's time to serve
you don't even want it.
You've already eaten it in other ways.
Is it like that with comedy?
For us as cooks, it's hard to eat
our own food. It's hard to like--
Like he just said,
we'll cook all this stuff--
No, Bill'll laugh at his own jokes.
-Yeah.
-I'm big on that.
Especially if they don't work.
I try to, like, get into the crowd's head,
"Well, he's enjoying it.
He's the professional.
- Looks good?
- Yeah, looks great.
Beautiful. Yeah, look at that.
-Should we start assembling?
- Yeah.
-Pork. Ham.
- Okay.
-That's nice, right?
- Keep it in.
So it's not hanging out the edges?
And then Swiss cheese.
And then the pickle on top of that.
He likes every bite to be consistent.
Then we close it
and we're gonna butter the tops.
Okay.
Yeah.
- Slice?
-That's it.
So, Roy, you don't like when a sandwich
is hanging off the sides, you said.
Yeah, try to keep it
all the way full, but intact.
Is that a pet peeve?
No, it's just respecting the sandwich.
When you're cooking on your own,
you get into a little zone?
Yeah, but I'm weird.
The first time I make something,
I like making it for myself.
So if I screw it up then,
you know, nobody knows.
A little smoke break.
Aw, yes.
Mmm.
That's really good.
Mm.
That's crazy.
- Just laying this down here?
- Yeah.
Very gently at first.
Let it be for a minute.
And just, from time to time,
give it a little gentle love tap.
The cheese will tell you when it's done.
Dude, this is crazy.
What's killing me is I put that one
in last and that's looking done.
It's kinda tough to screw it up
at this point.
You're kinda home free here.
Grilled cheese time.
So here's the grilled cheese
that you were asking about.
I know I'm not the only person
that was obsessed with this.
So first of all, it's sourdough bread.
-Like good, good sourdough bread.
-Two types of cheddar.
White cheddar and yellow cheddar.
Gruyère cheese,
which is, like, a stinky Swiss.
-And then Parmesan.
- Wow.
Okay. So we have all the setups here.
Come on over with me.
I'm just gonna be a tourist
on the first one.
Yes. You'll do the second ones.
This is it. This is the moment right here.
This is it! The end of the movie.
Put one of those sets on there.
I'll put another one there.
There you go. This is that moment
where nothing else exists.
That's when you got low.
- This is where nothing else exists.
-Still need a little more butter.
-There it is.
And you're doing that
'cause there wasn't any browning?
No. I'm just adding more.
-'Cause it's butter and it's awesome?
- That's basically it.
It's that shot Jon did in the movie
right there.
I know where you're looking.
-You're looking at the cheese.
-Yeah.
-Like Tiger Woods lining up the putt.
-That's it.
-He does that whole thing--
-Yeah.
What're you looking at?
Now I'm looking at the cheese.
I'm looking at the bottom.
See that?
It's a little bit like when you watch
the dude with that big afro painting.
-Remember? What was that show?
-Bob Ross.
Yeah. Bob Ross.
You'd say, "I can make a landscape."
It looks easy when you're watching it.
My dad used to get so upset
when he used to watch that show.
How can you get upset watching that show?
That's the whole point of that show,
is you can't get upset.
Because he'd always take it to a point
and my dad would think he'd stop,
and then when he'd start doing
the highlights with the yellow, he goes,
"Oh, Christ! He's ruining it!"
-He would do that every, like, painting.
-That's right.
Why doesn't he stop? Now--
He'd be yelling, going like,
"No, he should stop right there. Stop!"
-Oh, my God. Look at these things.
- Can you hear that crunch?
Right over here.
-Ah. Crazy.
- That perfect?
- Little bit under.
- Little bit under there?
What do you see?
See, the outside's perfect
and the inside's a little--
So that means
that the grill's too hot. Yeah?
Yep. And those are test ones anyways.
I would've been happy with those.
-So now
-We're not here to be happy!
We're here to eat
grilled cheese sandwiches.
Yeah, we're here for perfection.
Go ahead and put 'em on.
So that's all you guys now.
You wanna put the top on
when it's still a little under.
You're not scaring me
with all that action now.
I know you're bluffing.
You're just trying to get me
to jump offsides.
That's looking great.
To think I thought I knew how to make
a grilled cheese sandwich before this
Ah-ha!
I've never made anything look
like that.
- It's looking pretty good.
-Gotta make your halftime adjustments now.
Like the Patriots do.
Somebody deflated this slice
'cause it's smaller than the other one.
I think you're good, Bill. Come on over.
Let's see how it came out.
- Like this?
- Yeah, curl the fingers.
-That's pretty good.
-Then cut these in half.
We'll enjoy 'em together.
Cheers.
You're gonna bite in right now?
It's gonna burn your tongue.
All right. Is it good?
Oh, my God. Perfect.
-That's crazy.
-I know.
It's just a grilled cheese sandwich,
you know.
That's what I like too,
is that they all looked good,
but we were eating like this
all while we're filming.
'Cause it tasted as good as it looked.
Usually movie food-- Rver been
on a set where they're serving food?
-On a film?
-Yeah.
You don't wanna touch it.
This, everybody's fighting over it.
We're gonna do beignets.
- I don't know how to make 'em.
- I'll teach you.
First thing you wanna do is
you wanna read the side of the box.
Two cups of mix, seven ounces of water.
-Seven ounces of water?
-Yeah.
Can you handle that?
-Uh I think so.
- We'll double it.
- Double it? So 14?
Fourteen ounces.
Uh-oh.
Well, you know what, chef,
we're gonna be eye-balling this one,
'cause I don't know how mu--
-Fourteen ounces of water?
-Yeah.
I think a little more got in,
so we'll have to--
-Little more? It's okay.
-Yeah, we'll see.
We can keep adding.
-You could always add, chef.
-All right.
-You don't whisk first?
- It says, "use a spoon."
Because I think it might get caught up
in the whisk.
-It's kinda thick.
- Go slow like this?
I don't know,
I don't think you could screw it up.
I've done it with my nine-year-old, so--
And it came out great.
So if we can't do it, we got problems.
So what makes it fluffy?
Is it baking powder or--
Yeah. Baking soda, baking powder.
Not yeast based.
-You can always add more flour.
-Always add more right?
I was always scared of this
because it doesn't say, "Just add water."
It doesn't?
So I thought
it was a lot more complicated.
No, the hard part's the oil.
- Need a little more flour?
- I think so. We could try.
- It's getting there.
- Hit me with some more, please.
Maybe I misread the recipe.
See, I've never made these before,
but as a chef who knows dough,
it looks too sticky.
It's too sticky. So I gotta go more.
What does it say on the side?
Did I read it wrong?
The one thing I had to do today
"In a bowl, mix two cups of mix
with seven fluid ounces of water."
It still feels like-- Right?
-That feels about right.
-Does it?
'Cause we have to be able to pick 'em up
off the counter.
They say baking is an exact science.
That still feels a little--
It should be more like--
Not quite like pizza dough.
-We're using the whole box.
-Go ahead. That's all right.
This is an old recipe.
-Ounces were different then?
-Yes.
It comes out good, though.
I've done it before.
- That's nice.
- Not too bad.
To get all that off, get some more flour
on your fingers and go like this.
- Do you wanna roll it out?
-Okay.
-It's my OCD nature taking over.
- Do it.
We're gonna cut it into squares.
Like, it's pretty foolproof.
Nice.
-You just drop 'em in, huh?
-Yeah.
And then keep basting them.
-With the oil?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
The one scene in Chef,
when you pull out the beignets.
It's one of my favorite.
I get people tweeting me
all the time from Café du Monde.
"Hey, here we are!"
Was there any one thing that everybody had
trouble with in culinary school?
Like what's the dreaded--
The hardest thing for a lot
of young students is charcuterie,
which is the sausage making and
Do you actually have to stuff the sausage?
Yeah, well, it's the whole process
of curing, sausage making--
It's a very complicated class.
That's hard for a lot of young cooks.
Did you have to do it like old-school,
like, where you have to shave the pig?
Yeah, we got whole animals and everything.
-You shave it with a razor, right?
-Yeah.
To get the hair off the--
I used to have crazy dreams
during that class
'cause for three weeks straight,
we were doing nothing
but dealing with dead animals
and, you know, I was just a young,
mid-twenties kid from LA,
and it really affected me.
Behind, hot.
Looks good.
Feel like this dough is never-ending,
you keep cutting.
Uh-huh.
That's what happens
when you put the whole box in.
This is not a joke at all,
I was really scared of these
'cause I didn't know--
I didn't know it was just wa--
add water, really.
So I stayed away from it.
I like it 'cause my daughter saw--
You know, she grew up
with us making the movie
and so the whole scene
where there go get beignets,
like, I guess she was very curious
about what beignets were--
Oh, yeah. Hit the bottom of it.
There you go.
So we used to make them on our own.
You ready to try a little?
Yeah.
Dope.
Good? Not quite like it there.
No, but-- It's
definitely--
'Cause
I could tell they're a year old.
I didn't wanna say that on camera,
but fuck it.
I'm not gonna--
This whole thing is not about lying.
-Yeah, they're fucking stale.
- Yeah.
So make sure you check the date.
Make sure you check the date on these.
But they puff up,
they're deceivingly good.
A long time ago,
I worked in this restaurant
that was constantly
just going out of business.
I started off as a busboy,
and by the end of it
I was working the grill,
I was a busboy and washing the dishes.
I knew you were a real cook.
No, I wasn't,
and I was doing it all at the same time.
They had me on a mesquite grill,
wearing like a chef hat,
like I deserved it.