The Chinaboy Show (2017) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
Samantha Sawley, foreign correspondent, reporting live from China.
Internet piracy, according to experts, has cost the film industry billions of dollars.
Those affected range from multimillion-dollar production companies to local distributors.
In this exclusive report, we focus on some of the local businesses to have been affected.
One of those affected is Chang.
I'm just trying to make an honest living to support my family, but the internet and torrenting have ruined my business.
And what sort of business would that be? I I bootleg movies.
Mmm.
Come look.
Come inside.
Come on! (CRYING, MANDARIN SHOUTING ON TV) Lots of people used to come to my store to buy bootleg DVDs of all the latest new movies.
Mm-hm.
Come look.
What you want? I have Matrix 1, 2, 3 .
.
4, 5, 6.
Oh! Matrix triple X if you want slow motion sex.
And do you like buying DVDs? Oh, we love buying the bootlegs when we're on holidays.
Yeah, they're generally, like, not the best quality, and, like, the frame rates are weird.
We bought, um Schindler's List the other day.
We had a few complaints.
It's supposed to be black and white! - Really? Like this? - (STATIC CRACKLES) When we return, we get an up close look at the production process with Chang.
This is where the magic happen.
Bro, I can't wait for you to meet her.
Man, I can't believe YOU have a girlfriend.
So what's she like? Dude, she's Japanese.
(JAPANESE ACCENT) Oh, sugoi! She's quiet and submissive, and she's got long black hair that covers her face in that shy, cute kind of way.
Kawaii.
That's a waifu right there, man.
And she only calls me, like, once every seven days, so she's not too clingy.
Sounds like the one, bro.
Where'd you meet her? On telly, dude.
She's on TV? She's famous? Yeah, man, and she's pretty bad.
She's like, wet all the time.
Oh (CHUCKLES) Yeah, she is.
So where does she live? She's right here.
Yo, babe! (QUIET, SINISTER MUSIC) Oh, my God! Chill, man.
She's cool.
Oh Oh, God.
Uh This is a bit awkward.
I know she's a bit different, but just give her a chance! Sorry, bro, but I hooked up with her a week ago.
Bull (BLEEP)! Really?! Wow.
First my ex and now her.
Eff you, man! Come on, man.
Don't hold a grudge.
How dare you mention her name?! (SIGHS) You going to invite me in? (QUIET SINISTER MUSIC) Come on - hurry up.
Bloody hell.
What are you, a grandma? At least wash your hands before you touch me.
Now we get an up-close look at the bootlegging process with Chang.
Work is very hard.
Sometimes I work overtime, night shift.
It's not an easy business.
It will only take one minute.
It's finished.
Now everyone go on internet, click, download, and they have movie.
No-one want bootleg anymore.
Remember the VCD? Oh, so good.
You watch first CD, halfway movie stop, then you have to switch to CD number 2.
It was beautiful.
It create a lot of suspense.
And what kind of action would you like to see taken against internet piracy? I want the government to crack down on these internet thieves.
Throw them in jail and cut their hands off! It doesn't just affect me, OK? It affects filmmakers too.
(WEEPS) Up next, we meet one of the big stars of the Chinese film industry.
I am one of the big names in the Chinese film industry.
I'm going to show you how Chinese people .
.
do China.
You want some nut? Pistachio nut.
Chinese people say good for the bed.
(LAUGHS) (COUGHS) Oh.
You Chinese? - Yeah - Oh, can you please help me? Sorry, what was that? Where is the prostitute? Prostitute? Yeah.
Where can I find some? - Don't know.
- Oh, sorry.
OK.
Bye-bye.
Ah! No.
No, don't NO! (GROANS THEATRICALLY) This is my first time in Australia.
And one man come up to me and he said, (OCKER ACCENT) "Hey, mate, get the (BLEEP) out of my country!" Well, what does that mean? It's not nice.
- Not nice? - No.
Oh, my God.
But I got his number and everything.
Because of internet piracy, major studios have become more reluctant to invest money in new productions, leaving some local filmmakers out in the cold.
Martin Zhou Xi is one of those affected.
Tell me, Martin, what films have you directed? I direct all the big budget movies - like Avatar, Titanic, Lord of the Rings.
But the studio, they don't want to give me a big budget anymore.
Here we are on the set of a local film production that Martin is involved in.
(COUGHS) Hey! Hey, hey! Stop, stop.
Cut, cut.
What what are you doing standing up during an emotional scene? I I have to take a (BLEEP).
There's some beautiful acting right now and you block it with your fat head! Go (BLEEP)! Take it easy on the snack bar.
Jesus.
And YOU why you cough so loud for? I don't have the budget to edit you out post production.
This is all one take.
Don't make me ping-pong you in the (BLEEP) throat, OK? Idiots! OK, action.
And there you have it - internet piracy is killing the local bootleg industry.
- I've.
.
- Hey.
Shut up! I'm trying Oh! Oh, no Oh.
That's OK.
That's my trademark directoring.
Thank you.
Alright, everybody - that's a wrap.
Internet piracy, according to experts, has cost the film industry billions of dollars.
Those affected range from multimillion-dollar production companies to local distributors.
In this exclusive report, we focus on some of the local businesses to have been affected.
One of those affected is Chang.
I'm just trying to make an honest living to support my family, but the internet and torrenting have ruined my business.
And what sort of business would that be? I I bootleg movies.
Mmm.
Come look.
Come inside.
Come on! (CRYING, MANDARIN SHOUTING ON TV) Lots of people used to come to my store to buy bootleg DVDs of all the latest new movies.
Mm-hm.
Come look.
What you want? I have Matrix 1, 2, 3 .
.
4, 5, 6.
Oh! Matrix triple X if you want slow motion sex.
And do you like buying DVDs? Oh, we love buying the bootlegs when we're on holidays.
Yeah, they're generally, like, not the best quality, and, like, the frame rates are weird.
We bought, um Schindler's List the other day.
We had a few complaints.
It's supposed to be black and white! - Really? Like this? - (STATIC CRACKLES) When we return, we get an up close look at the production process with Chang.
This is where the magic happen.
Bro, I can't wait for you to meet her.
Man, I can't believe YOU have a girlfriend.
So what's she like? Dude, she's Japanese.
(JAPANESE ACCENT) Oh, sugoi! She's quiet and submissive, and she's got long black hair that covers her face in that shy, cute kind of way.
Kawaii.
That's a waifu right there, man.
And she only calls me, like, once every seven days, so she's not too clingy.
Sounds like the one, bro.
Where'd you meet her? On telly, dude.
She's on TV? She's famous? Yeah, man, and she's pretty bad.
She's like, wet all the time.
Oh (CHUCKLES) Yeah, she is.
So where does she live? She's right here.
Yo, babe! (QUIET, SINISTER MUSIC) Oh, my God! Chill, man.
She's cool.
Oh Oh, God.
Uh This is a bit awkward.
I know she's a bit different, but just give her a chance! Sorry, bro, but I hooked up with her a week ago.
Bull (BLEEP)! Really?! Wow.
First my ex and now her.
Eff you, man! Come on, man.
Don't hold a grudge.
How dare you mention her name?! (SIGHS) You going to invite me in? (QUIET SINISTER MUSIC) Come on - hurry up.
Bloody hell.
What are you, a grandma? At least wash your hands before you touch me.
Now we get an up-close look at the bootlegging process with Chang.
Work is very hard.
Sometimes I work overtime, night shift.
It's not an easy business.
It will only take one minute.
It's finished.
Now everyone go on internet, click, download, and they have movie.
No-one want bootleg anymore.
Remember the VCD? Oh, so good.
You watch first CD, halfway movie stop, then you have to switch to CD number 2.
It was beautiful.
It create a lot of suspense.
And what kind of action would you like to see taken against internet piracy? I want the government to crack down on these internet thieves.
Throw them in jail and cut their hands off! It doesn't just affect me, OK? It affects filmmakers too.
(WEEPS) Up next, we meet one of the big stars of the Chinese film industry.
I am one of the big names in the Chinese film industry.
I'm going to show you how Chinese people .
.
do China.
You want some nut? Pistachio nut.
Chinese people say good for the bed.
(LAUGHS) (COUGHS) Oh.
You Chinese? - Yeah - Oh, can you please help me? Sorry, what was that? Where is the prostitute? Prostitute? Yeah.
Where can I find some? - Don't know.
- Oh, sorry.
OK.
Bye-bye.
Ah! No.
No, don't NO! (GROANS THEATRICALLY) This is my first time in Australia.
And one man come up to me and he said, (OCKER ACCENT) "Hey, mate, get the (BLEEP) out of my country!" Well, what does that mean? It's not nice.
- Not nice? - No.
Oh, my God.
But I got his number and everything.
Because of internet piracy, major studios have become more reluctant to invest money in new productions, leaving some local filmmakers out in the cold.
Martin Zhou Xi is one of those affected.
Tell me, Martin, what films have you directed? I direct all the big budget movies - like Avatar, Titanic, Lord of the Rings.
But the studio, they don't want to give me a big budget anymore.
Here we are on the set of a local film production that Martin is involved in.
(COUGHS) Hey! Hey, hey! Stop, stop.
Cut, cut.
What what are you doing standing up during an emotional scene? I I have to take a (BLEEP).
There's some beautiful acting right now and you block it with your fat head! Go (BLEEP)! Take it easy on the snack bar.
Jesus.
And YOU why you cough so loud for? I don't have the budget to edit you out post production.
This is all one take.
Don't make me ping-pong you in the (BLEEP) throat, OK? Idiots! OK, action.
And there you have it - internet piracy is killing the local bootleg industry.
- I've.
.
- Hey.
Shut up! I'm trying Oh! Oh, no Oh.
That's OK.
That's my trademark directoring.
Thank you.
Alright, everybody - that's a wrap.