The Crew (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

[car engines roaring]
[man speaking indistinctly over PA]
[indistinct chatter]
[Kevin clicks tongue]
Not gonna lie to you, buddy.
We've, uh… we've had a bad run.
We need some points today.
I really, really need you with me.
Now, when that flag drops,
I want you diving for the inside.
You get out there in front
and make sure that you own the
Hey! Are you wearing headphones?
Did you hear the new Cardi B?
It's pretty sick.
Jake, I didn't know
you were wearing headphones again.
You're killing me here.
I need you focused.
I am focused.
All right.
Listen, I need to know
how your brakes are doing all day.
All right? Let's stay in contact.
If you start to get loose,
you gotta tell me.
And Are you checking yourself out
in my sunglasses?
Get
- [Kevin grunts] We talked about this!
- [Jake groans]
Lagano gets to listen to music
before a race.
Yeah, he wins!
He's showered and halfway through dinner
before you even finish!
If I had a better car, I'd win too!
What? That car is perfect.
I will smack the blond highlights
right off your head.
These are natural.
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
The race starts in one minute.
What are you doing?
He had his headphones in again.
- [sighs]
- We talked about this!
[group clamoring]
[woman over speakers] O say ♪
- Can you see ♪
- [group grows quiet]
By the dawn's early light ♪
[engines revving]
All right, ladies and gentlemen.
We've had a bad few races,
but that all changes today.
[announcer]
There's the green flag, and we're off.
- [tires squealing]
- [metal crunches]
[announcer] Oh! The 20 makes contact
with 74 at turn one,
and they are both out of the race.
[cars zooming]
[clicks tongue] Who wants a soft pretzel?
Let's do it. Let's do it. Come on.
[theme music playing]
Hey, did you talk to the boss?
Is he mad about the race?
Oh, no, no. He's not mad.
You crashed on the first lap,
which gave him 499 to get over it.
- So, he understands.
- Yeah.
- What do you think?
- Oh, it's nice.
I just wish there was a path
so Bobby can run into my arms
after he gets my gift.
Oh, he is going to love mine.
I got him ten pounds of squirrel sausage.
I know that doesn't sound like much,
but let me tell you,
that is a lot of squirrels.
I'm good too.
Thanks to me, Bobby is gonna see
the hottest show in town.
Two tickets to Hamilton.
Wow, that is two too many.
[laughs]
Why do we always
have to turn this into a competition?
Why can't gift-giving
just be about making someone happy?
It is.
Yours won't.
[chuckles]
Look, look, look.
There he goes.
[laughs]
Well, you can give
that winning gift to Bobby
next to that statue by Fredric Remington,
who happens to be Bobby's favorite artist.
Wait, what? Where did that come from?
What? Is that yours? That…
That's more than the $500 limit.
Way more. I cheated.
You know, I thought I'd feel guilty,
but I feel fabulous.
I may never do the right thing again.
- Hold on. Hold on. Yep.
- [camera clicks]
New background photo.
And the best part is,
Bobby's gonna be here any minute
and it's too late for you
to do anything about it.
Probably.
Unless…
Oh, I wish I had a trumpet.
Bring it in, boys!
[engine idling]
Whoa.
Sweet ride. Can I take it out?
[Chuck and Kevin] No.
What's this?
This is the first car
Bobby ever won a race in.
I finally found it
in a rotted-out old barn in Memphis.
Had to arm wrestle the guy for it.
Then I offered him money.
You're telling me that was under $500?
See, here's the thing, Beth.
If you're gonna cheat, cheat big.
Ooh, look at that!
You look like an angry poodle.
Let me get that.
- Hold on. Okay. It's on me.
- [clicks]
- Okay.
- It's turned around on me.
How do you turn it around?
I just took a picture of myself.
All right. I got it. I got
No, I just turned my lights off at home.
Hold on a second. How do you
Hey, Kevin.
- Catherine.
- [Catherine laughs]
Look at you!
Bobby didn't tell me you were in town.
Everybody. Uh, this is Catherine.
This is Bobby's daughter.
Uh, this is Jake, our driver.
- Hello.
- [both] No.
- Uh, this is Beth.
- Oh, yeah. We've met.
You're the office manager,
and you love… something.
Ah. I'm sorry. I don't remember,
but I know you love something.
It was something weird.
Oh, it's not weird,
but I do collect Pez dispensers.
Yes.
Yeah. A lot of people do it.
It's a pretty big Facebook group.
- Oh, hey, Chuck. You still a big hunter?
- Hey.
Hell yeah. What you need?
I can get you anything with four legs.
Does an ex-boyfriend
and his Instagram model wife count?
I was thinking more like a deer
or a rabbit, but, hey, you do you.
This is Amir. He's our chief engineer.
He bought your dad
tickets to a musical for his birthday.
Guess I don't need to learn your name.
[laughs]
Eleven Tonys.
- There's my girl! [chuckles]
- [Catherine] Oh.
[Chuck] Happy birthday, Bobby!
- [Jake] Happy birthday, Bobby!
- Oh, thank you.
Doesn't seem like anyone
knew I was coming.
Yeah. I might not have mentioned it.
- [Catherine] Dad!
- Is everything okay?
Yeah. It's fine.
Could I have everyone's attention
for a minute, please?
Now, first off, thanks for the party.
When you're driving a race car
without a helmet in your teens,
you don't expect to end up
with a seven in front of your age.
I'm 70.
All right, so say that.
Anyway, I've made a decision.
Before I tell y'all, don't anyone panic.
Well, I think I speak for the group
when I say we're panicked. [laughs]
Well, it's been a great ride.
But before I cross
that finish line in the sky,
there's some things I wanna do.
Go to Hawaii.
Do one of them things
with the… the pig and the dancing.
Uh, what do they call those things?
Bobby, are you shutting us down?
Oh, no, no, no. Luau!
Luau.
No, no. I wouldn't dream
of shuttin' this place down.
That's why Catherine's here.
She's moving back home and taking over.
Guys, meet your new boss.
[group murmuring]
[Catherine sighs]
Hey.
Hey, guys, how 'bout
a nice round of applause for Catherine?
Huh?
Hey, welcome… welcome to the team.
- I, uh, I bought you a car.
- Oh.
Yeah.
[rock music playing]
- [drink pouring]
- [Bobby] I figured you'd wanna talk.
[exhales]
Hope you don't mind if our old friend
Jack Daniels joins the conversation.
- It's 11:00 a.m. I just had some cake.
- Is that a yes?
Oh, I gotta pretend
to put up a fight, right?
Hey, now, why didn't you tell me
you were steppin' down?
'Cause you'd have begged me
to change my mind.
I'm not gonna beg you
unless you think it would really work.
And if you do think
it would work, be very sure
because once I drop to my knees,
it's a whole thing getting back up.
I've lost a step, Kevin.
Twenty years ago
we were fightin' to lead the pack.
Now we're fightin' to be in the middle.
But that's racing, all right?
I mean, it's ups and downs.
2014, I don't think we finished a race.
2015, we opened the season
winning Daytona.
It's not just that.
I used to live for race day.
I was always the first one at the track.
[sniffs]
Smell of the gas, the burning rubber.
Those little… little hot dog things.
Corn dogs?
Oh, never mind.
I watch half the races on TV now.
But you're one of the guys
who built this sport.
Pigs in a blanket!
There you go.
See? You haven't lost a step.
Half of racing is computers now.
Things are changing,
and I'm not sure I can.
You can change.
Hey, remember when
you used to call all the women "skirts"?
And then you got an email
from that woman's lawyer?
And… you changed.
I hope you're not worried about Catherine.
She went to Stanford.
She's got a ton of smart ideas.
[sighs] The last thing
we need around here are ideas.
I mean, they only screw things up.
It's like rice, right?
Perfectly fine for 5,000 years,
and then someone says, "Hey,
let's make it out of cauliflower."
Trust me.
With your instincts and her brains,
you'll give Gibbs and Hendrick
a run for their money.
I don't I think we had
a pretty good run without brains.
I hope you don't think
any of this is a reflection on you.
You're the heart of this team, okay?
No one sets up a car like you.
[sighs] That is true.
And morale has never been better.
I am loved. You're making it
pretty hard to argue with you.
Plus, you found Jake.
Hell of a driver,
even if he is as dumb
as an inbred possum.
I don't know about an inbred possum,
but maybe like a raccoon
who's gonna graduate late.
You and Catherine are gonna get along
like pineapple and ham.
[chuckling] Look, I'm sorry.
I can't stop thinkin' about luaus.
- Are you good?
- Yeah, I'm good.
All right. [grunts]
Ah, I'm gonna miss you.
- Let's get back to the party. All right?
- Yep.
You're gonna love the statue I got you.
It's a Remington.
[rock music playing]
- Morning.
- Hi.
I didn't sleep at all last night.
- No, me neither.
- [Beth sighs]
I guess that cake
did need to be refrigerated.
[inhales sharply]
I'm talking about Catherine taking over.
Aw, don't worry about it.
I talked to Bobby.
He basically said
I'm runnin' the place now.
Oh, I don't know about that.
I Googled Catherine last night.
She didn't start her last business.
She took it over and then got rid of
the people who did start it
And are you eating the same cake
from yesterday again?
Yep. I don't think this was the problem.
Even if it was,
I'm gonna build up a tolerance.
You're really not worried about Catherine?
It's Bobby's daughter.
I've known her since she was a little kid.
And I'm gonna say this
with as much humility as I can muster.
I'm kind of her idol.
[laughs]
Oh, you're serious.
[cell phone ringtone playing]
- Uh, who is that? Oh.
- Just the, uh, vendor, I gotta
Oh!
What do we buy
from "Karen, heart, heart, heart"?
Defibrillators and stuff.
You have a three-heart girlfriend,
and I knew nothing about it?
She put her number in there.
Those are her hearts.
How could you not have told me?
Because you get too invested.
Like with Lisa.
- Oh, I loved Lisa.
- [Kevin] Yeah, exactly.
And when I broke up with her, she cried,
and then I tell you, and you cried.
I gotta dump two women
every time I end a relationship.
Lisa broke up with you,
and when you told me about it, you cried.
Look, all I remember,
there was a lot of emotion,
and I just wanna avoid that.
[laughing] Oh, come on!
This is gonna be great.
You can do couple things
with Frank and me.
No. I'm not getting on
another four-person bike with you.
You don't pedal.
Look, my feet didn't reach.
All I got was kicked in the shins.
I'm sorry I didn't chip in.
Karen and I are having dinner tonight.
- You guys can come to that.
- I could not be more excited.
- Could you be a little less?
- [Beth grunts]
Uh, that report, it's in your inbox.
I'm glad I came in early.
Like I do most days.
Oh, hey, Catherine.
Hey, Beth.
Oh! [chuckles]
Sweet 'stache.
Forgot that you drove.
And that you were one of the Mario Bros.
That was so long ago, I barely remember,
but I think that was
Yeah. September 4th, 1994.
Darlington Raceway.
The day a young driver shocked the world
with a come-out-of-nowhere win.
You?
Yeah, me.
That was the whole buildup right there.
So, I know my dad sprung
this whole thing on you,
and I wanna get out in front of it
before it gets awkward.
[chuckles] Why would it be awkward?
I don't know.
Technically, I'm your boss now,
and I'm so much younger than you.
Hmm. "So much" is kind of aggressive,
don't you think?
- When did you graduate high school?
- 2010.
Okay. Let me give you a tour.
This here is where
all the corporate stuff happens.
Accounting, marketing, boring.
It's pretty much where fun comes to die.
It's Beth's problem.
The worst part of the job,
I gotta be honest. It really is.
- Hey, Carl. Couldn't do it without you.
- Oh, actually, if you have a minute
Obviously not now, Carl. Right?
- Sorry.
- There you go.
Come on. I'll introduce you to the guys.
It's not the compression
or the rebound in the shocks.
Yeah, I knew that.
Then why'd I run this report?
Because I got tired
of hearing about that fight with your wife
about duvet covers.
Duvet covers weren't the problem.
It was the shams!
[Kevin] Hey, boys.
Just showing Catherine
around the garage, and, except for me,
these are probably
the two most important fellas here.
Thank you, Kevin.
Gotta be honest, I had to say that
'cause you're standing next to Chuck.
[laughs]
Anything we can do
to make the car go faster?
Cheat.
There you go.
We'll up our cheating budget 100%.
[chuckles] You know I'm kidding, right?
Definitely. [clicks tongue]
Me too.
You winked when you said that.
We can't cheat.
Oh, of course not.
No, it still sounds like you're winking.
I wanna be very clear. No cheating.
Oh, I am very clear.
Great.
He's gonna cheat, isn't he?
Okay, first off, in NASCAR,
we don't cheat. We innovate.
- Until we get caught.
- What happens when we get caught?
You get a massive fine. You can't cheat.
- [sighs]
- All right, we have some moves to make.
Is it gonna be easy? No.
But I'm up for a new challenge.
I don't think
there's gonna be much of a challenge.
I mean,
things are running pretty smooth here.
Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely.
[inhales sharply]
But are they, though?
Ah, it's been four years
since we had a win.
The team's only had two top ten finishes
this season.
Don't say it like that. Say it like this,
"We've had two top ten finishes
this season!"
[chuckles] Listen,
we need the same things to succeed here
that I needed in Silicon Valley.
We need to spend money,
we need the best people,
we need to be loud
and get attention for ourselves.
I'm all with you on spending money,
but I think we have the best people.
- Yeah. Yeah, totally. [chuckles]
- [Kevin] Yeah.
But do we, though?
Your pit stops
are half a second slower than average.
Your mechanical failure rate
is 18% higher than it was three years ago.
Okay. Well,
if we're throwing out numbers, 25.
How's that?
That's how many years
I've been doing this before you showed up.
Yeah. Kevin, it isn't personal.
But I wanna be clear
that I don't want to fire anyone,
but I'm gonna do what I have to do to win.
I'm with you. We'll make the team great.
Yeah, boy, there you go.
Bet you a lot of people didn't cry
when you left Silicon Valley.
[rock music playing]
- [Kevin sighs]
- [Beth] Wow!
[chuckles] Nine twenty-four.
You haven't been over 900
since Jeff Gordon stole your scooter.
For the last time, it's not a scooter.
It's called a dirt bike. Okay?
[Beth giggles]
By the way, I think you're right.
I think Catherine's gonna fire us all.
Are you panicking now?
I was already panicking.
We can't both panic at the same time.
That's the deal.
It's exactly what happened
to the Sinclair team.
Right? Some hedge fund guy bought it,
and he tried to modernize it
and fire everybody
who knew anything about cars
and now they turned the garage
into a Dunkin' Donuts.
- Have you had the Coffee Coolatta?
- Amazing.
- Amazing.
- Right?
Yeah.
She's upgrading the team.
It starts with the cars
and ends with me being replaced
by some kid from MIT.
Well, we don't know it's gonna be us.
Maybe we can offer up someone
we don't care about.
Who don't we like on the team?
- Ooh. Carl.
- Who's Carl?
Carl, the accountant.
His name is Bill.
Carl is his dead brother.
Please tell me you didn't call him that.
That's a birthday card
I wish I could get back.
Look, Frank will be here any minute.
Let's grab a table
and worry about this later.
Okay.
Where's Karen, with the three hearts?
Oh, she's on the way. Uh…
Hey, by the way, did I ever tell you
I'm in the Big Brother program now?
Seriously?
Yeah. I can't believe
I never told you about that.
Yeah, it's a huge part of my life.
You told Karen you're a big brother,
and you're afraid I'm gonna bust you.
Look, she was telling me a story
about a friend who does it,
and I said, "I'd love to do that."
And I think
she thought I said, "I do that."
'Cause she was like,
"Oh, that's amazing. How long?"
And before I knew what I was saying,
I told her I was mentoring
some sweet little boy named Hector
who's asthmatic.
And he collects stuffed owls.
[Beth giggling]
It just It got away from me, Beth.
[cell phone ringtone playing]
[sighs] Oh, it's Jake.
Yo, what's up?
Oh. Hey. Calm down.
No. Uh… Hold Where did you see it?
What's an Instagram story?
Do you ever have a post not good enough
for your main feed?
Give me that thing.
Hey, Jake.
Oh, okay. Okay, we're on our way.
So, is it bad?
- Yeah. We gotta get over there.
- Do we have time for a Coolatta?
Our driver's about to quit,
and you talk about a flippin' Coolatta?
All right.
[rock music playing]
I'm done.
Let me see it.
That's Catherine having lunch today
with Jessie de la Cruz.
A female driver? Awesome.
If we didn't have you,
'cause you are the best.
Jessie She tagged me in the photo.
She wanted me to see it.
It's such a sweet move.
That's totally something I would do.
But I wouldn't do it to me!
Wait, where'd you guys get the Coolatas?
[scoffs]
It doesn't matter. Listen, you can't quit.
If it gets out that I'm fired, other teams
will think something's wrong with me.
Then I'm damaged goods.
I gotta protect myself.
Like when you told everyone
you dumped Lisa,
though it was the other way around.
That was a very fluid situation.
See? I'm gonna look pathetic, like that.
We are gonna fix this, okay?
And I promise you
First, you gotta tell me, what the hell
are you wearing on your wrist?
- It's a holy charm bracelet.
- What?
Each one of these beads
is some different kind of lucky spell.
It's very powerful.
But the best part is,
it's made by Tibetan monkeys.
- You mean, "monks"?
- Yeah. That's what I said.
Monk, monkey. Same thing.
My name is Jacob, but people call me Jake
because it's shorter.
People call monkeys "monks," Beth.
I'm glad we straightened that all out,
and I… I apologize for Beth's stupidity.
Look, I called Catherine on the way here.
She's gonna straighten it out.
- I'm here.
- Okay.
And if it seems like I'm upset,
it's because… I'm here.
Did you have lunch with Jessie de la Cruz?
- No.
- She posted this photo.
Yes.
See, the problem here is that
it kinda looks like
you're trying to replace Jake here,
so as soon as you clear that up,
we can get back
to making fun of his monkey bracelet.
I didn't want you to find out this way,
but, yes, I'm giving your seat to Jessie.
She's the youngest champion
on the K&N Pro Series ever,
and she's a woman.
She's 19.
I have underwear older than her.
What? It's in good shape. I hand-wash it.
Look, Jessie's a hell of a driver.
And she can bring
a lot of attention to the team.
You said you'd take your time
before making any big changes.
The paint hasn't even dried
on your parking spot yet.
- Was it you who drove over it?
- We're getting off-track here. Okay?
Listen, I'm sorry. Of course,
we'll pay you for the rest of the season
No, no, no. I already quit.
Tell her I quit before she got here.
- I'm not getting Kevin'd on this.
- That is not a phrase, by the way.
And you can't quit.
I'm sure Jessie is a good driver,
but you got a great one.
So, if winning is your thing,
Jake is your guy.
There's no way around this.
He's had a bad year.
He didn't finish three races.
Yeah, but that's not his fault, all right?
We're a team.
You cannot pin this on him.
- Vegas.
- The spotter sent him into a wreck.
- Martinsville.
- Debris on the track took out two tires.
Okay, Richmond.
Richmond was his fault,
but in his defense, he saw a cloud
that looked like Abraham Lincoln.
I mean, it was
Yeah.
It was perfect.
It had the mole and everything. Listen.
Are there things
he can work on? Absolutely.
But, know what?
The things you can't teach, he knows.
The things you can teach, I won't learn.
Okay.
You're not helping here.
If you're looking to fire somebody
to shake this team up, fire me.
Don't put me in this position.
Okay. Let's all take a breath.
We don't need to do this.
How about they race for it?
Or we could settle it
like hot-rodders in the 1950s.
Fastest lap wins. Come on.
NASCAR's not letting us
take out a car between races.
NASCAR's not gonna know
unless your girl's afraid to do it
I was trying to save Jake's feelings.
Jake's gonna be fine. You ready?
Let's do it tonight.
- You ready?
- Oh, yeah.
But if I get beat,
just remember that I quit first.
[rock music playing]
How's the car?
You know, you…
you always ask about the car.
Why don't you ever ask how Chuck is doing?
You're right. I'm… I'm sorry.
- How are you, Chuck?
- Meh, same old, same old.
[engine roaring]
- Hey.
- Thanks for coming down.
Jessie, this is the crew.
- Hey. How you doing?
- Hi.
- [Chuck] Nice to meet you.
- No.
I don't wanna feel sympathy for you,
or I won't do what I'm about to do.
Think you're gonna get inside this head?
Good luck.
I'm already in it.
Son of a bitch. She's good.
All right, one lap to get the speed,
then the fastest lap wins.
I want you to call it in the air.
Winner goes first.
[Jessie] I'll go first.
- [car accelerates]
- [tires screech]
I like that kid.
She's like
the incredibly rude daughter I never had.
Was I the only one,
or was she kind of into me?
Yeah, she's into you
like a shark's into a baby seal.
So, you saw it too?
[engine roaring]
- All right, she's on her lap.
- [car zooms by]
What was the time on her warm-up?
It was very fast.
- Go ahead. I can take it.
- One fifty-seven.
Yes!
Am I supposed to pretend
I'm not rooting for her?
Jake can beat it.
Here she comes.
- Wow.
- [car decelerates]
29.3 seconds
161 miles per hour.
Twenty-nine three.
- I knew I left something out there.
- I'll find it.
She's gonna make a great driver
for someone.
Not you, 'cause, uh, I got this.
[Kevin sighs]
- [grunting]
- [Jake] She made it look so easy.
- [tires screech]
- [accelerates]
Okay, he's up to speed.
[car zooms by]
How's he doing?
Hi, Jessie, I'm Amir, the chief engineer.
Big fan.
I look forward to working with you.
Come on, Jakey.
- What's his time?
- It's gonna be close.
[Jake] Come on, come on, come on.
There it is.
- There it is.
- [engine accelerates]
[Jake] And… time.
Twenty-eight flat.
You beat her by more than a second.
- [Jake] Yes!
- Boom!
I told you my boy was the best.
[Jake] Yeah! Oh no! My bracelet.
- Whoa!
- [tires squealing]
[Jake] Stupid monkeys. No, no, no, no, no!
[crashing]
[Jake] I'm okay.
Okay, well, uh…
You got a car to fix.
I'm gonna head home, wash some underwear.
Good race.
- I'll grab my stuff. I'll buy you a beer.
- [woman] Kevin.
[Kevin] Karen.
Karen, who I left in the restaurant.
I am so sorry. I was gonna call you.
Did you try the jalapeño poppers?
With the cream cheese.
How sick are those with
They have the cheese in there.
I'm gonna let you guys talk.
I've already seen one wreck tonight.
I'm really sorry. Know what it is?
I got a new boss.
It's a funny story.
If you ever forgive me, I'll tell you.
- I forgive you.
- Thanks. I appreciate that.
I'm still breaking up with you though.
You're great,
but I've dated guys like you before.
You mean handsome guys
who you wanna stay mad at but you can't
'cause they're too handsome?
Handsome guys whose work is their life.
It's not always like this.
This was a crazy day.
- Did you fix everything?
- I did.
Good. Take care of yourself, Kevin.
[Kevin sighs]
Oh. Hold on.
It's an owl.
Hector's gonna love it.
[knocks]
- Hey.
- Hey.
[indistinct chatter on TV]
What are you watching?
Just watching some old race footage.
You watching your race
at Darlington again?
No.
Ooh, this is where I pass Gordon.
Check it out.
So, I guess it's over with Karen.
I said I'd let you talk. I didn't say
I wouldn't listen from the other room.
You gonna cry this time?
No.
I am gonna miss Hector, though.
Maybe you could
actually become a big brother.
Nah. What are the chances
the next woman's gonna be into that?
[sighs] Karen was right.
I mean,
this place is always gonna come first.
I have 40 people who rely on me.
How's one person ever gonna compete?
So you'll find someone who cares
about this team as much as you do.
[chuckles] Okay.
That narrows the dating pool
from a billion to no one.
I don't know about that.
[car engines revving on TV]
Uh, I'm gonna head out.
You gonna be okay?
Yeah,
just gonna watch the end of the race.
Hey, you wanna watch it with me?
How does it end?
The good guys win.
[laughs] Sure.
[engines roar on TV]
How much more is there?
- It's about two and a half hours.
- Good night, Kevin.
[theme music playing]