The End Of The F***ing World (2017) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
I'm James .
.
I'm 17 .
.
and I'm pretty sure I'm a psychopath.
I was eight when I realised I didn't have a sense of humour.
Why doesn't the queen wave with this hand? Eh? Why doesn't the queen wave with this hand? Cos it's my hand! I'd always wanted to punch my dad in the face.
When I was nine, he bought a deep fat fryer.
He saw it on an American shopping channel.
One day, I put my hand in it.
I wanted to make myself feel something.
When I was 15, I put my neighbour's cat in a box and took it into the woods.
It probably had a name.
After that, I killed more animals .
.
and I remember every single one.
School was beneath me, but it was a good place for observation and selection.
Because I had a plan.
I was going to kill something bigger.
Much bigger.
Hey.
I've seen you skating.
You're pretty shit.
Fuck off.
I get these moments when I have to lie down because everything feels sort of too much.
And I look up and see the blue, or the grey, or the black, and I feel myself melting into it.
And, for like a split second, I feel free and happy.
Innocent.
Like a dog or an alien .
.
or a baby.
Your presence is required, young lady.
Why are you talking like Downton Abbey? Just get inside and help.
My mum used to be nice but then she got divorced from my dad and met .
.
Tony.
Last week, he said he thought I needed a bigger bra.
So I threw a chicken Kiev at his head.
Mum pretended that she hadn't heard him.
Now she has the perfect house and the perfect garden, in the perfect neighbourhood with perfect twins.
Well .
.
their heads do smell nice, though, it's true.
I haven't seen my dad since I was eight.
He never fitted in, he couldn't settle, so he had to leave.
I don't blame him.
But he sends me a card, without fail, every single birthday.
I understand, actually.
I don't trust people who fit in.
Is this from you? What? What the fuck? What?! I'm here.
I'm literally here.
It's free.
I'm not saying he's the answer, but he's something.
Hey.
Hey.
I've seen you skating.
I haven't.
You're pretty shit.
Fuck off.
Alyssa was new.
She'd started that term.
I thought she could be interesting to kill.
Are you waiting for me? So I pretended to fall in love with her.
What happened to your hand? Shut up.
I haven't got a phone.
OK.
I smashed it.
OK.
Like, on purpose.
OK.
So you can't call me.
OK.
I don't have a phone either.
Really? Yeah.
I hate them.
I knew that people in love went out on dates.
Do you want to go on a date? With me? She said yes.
Hi, what can I get for you today? Is this true? One of the top ten greatest American dining experiences Yeah! Right, can I take your orders? Uh I will have a banana split with extra cherries Mm-hm.
.
.
some blueberry pancakes Mm-hm.
.
.
and a hot chocolate with cream.
He-he, are you hungry? He-he-he, and an extra fucking spoon.
Excuse me? For him.
OK, sorry you can't use language like that, otherwise I'm going to have to ask you and your boyfriend to leave.
OK.
OK, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
I will have a great big banana shit with extra fucking cherries on the top of it OK, sorry, that's it.
Right.
MARVIN! Oh, yeah, go get Marvin.
See if Marvin can make it banana split for me, you fucking cunt.
BYE, MARVIN! It seemed that Alyssa had some issues.
I think we live in the most boring town on the planet.
Yeah, maybe.
Everyone's so fucking square.
Well, they've got money, they feel safe.
Are you boring, too? No.
She's the only cool person in this town.
Her? Yeah.
She's done stuff.
She's probably a spy and had, like, 15 abortions when it was illegal or something.
She has lived.
Really? Whatever.
Can we go to your house? Yeah, sure.
Why do you live in such a weird house? I don't know.
There's too many windows.
Maybe.
Is that your mum? Yeah.
She lives in Japan.
Cool.
You look like her.
This is pretty retro.
I don't like it.
Why not? I just don't.
Alyssa was kind of a nymphomaniac.
What? Huh? Oh, no.
The hunter has returned! Cheers! Wow, this is nice.
What is? This.
You two.
Eh? What a relief.
I'll tell you what.
I've never been sure if he even, you know.
I always thought there was something wrong with him.
I actually masturbated once a week for medical purposes.
I knew it wasn't good to let things build up.
I thought, probably, he was gay.
Which is, that's fine.
Like, obviously, but here you are.
Maybe I'm gay.
Maybe he's asexual.
We're dealing with a really broad spectrum these days.
Your dad is a prick.
Yeah, I know.
Sometimes I feel like punching him in the face.
You should definitely do that.
Have you ever eaten a pussy before? It was important to be confident in moments like this.
Yeah, a few.
I want you to eat mine.
Now? Tomorrow.
I'll be here at 11.
I was ready at 11.
Actually, I was ready at ten.
It was important to work out the exact logistics beforehand.
When it got to 12, I started to think she might not be coming.
Sometimes I worry that I ruin things.
But, I feel I don't know.
I feel comfortable with him.
Sort of safe.
Alyssa.
Alyssa.
What? Put these on and come downstairs.
What? The party! No way, I told you.
I'm going out.
I am not having this argument again, Alyssa.
Mum, there's no way.
Please, love.
I want you to be there.
For me.
Right, those aren't for you.
Hand them around.
Hi! All right? Go away.
Here.
Have a beer.
Chill out.
Thanks, Tone.
This is a load of bullshit.
Your life is bullshit.
Well, if you hate it so much .
.
leave.
I'm serious.
Do us all a favour.
You look good when you make a bit of an effort, don't you? Sometimes, everything is suddenly really simple.
It's like everything shifts in a moment.
And you step out of your body.
Out of your life.
You step out and you see where you are, really clearly.
You see yourself .
.
and you think .
.
fuck this shit.
James! I think being angry and sad at the same time really turns me on.
Come here.
I kind of think I could fall in love with him.
Also, he has a car.
I wondered if it'd be easier to slit her throat if I flipped her around.
Whether it'd be better not to see her face, but then, the angle.
It was a conundrum.
What? Let's get out of here.
What? I'm serious, let's leave this shithole town, now.
You hate it, I hate it.
Our parents are dickheads, you've got a car.
It's my dad's.
Who's a dickhead.
I'm going whether you come with me or not.
You in? Please say yes.
I figured, I wasn't in a rush.
Yeah, all right.
I didn't know where we were going or when I was going to kill her, but I punched my dad in the face and stole his car and that felt like a good place to start.
Are you scared? I don't know.
A bit, maybe.
I'm not.
She probably should have been.
.
I'm 17 .
.
and I'm pretty sure I'm a psychopath.
I was eight when I realised I didn't have a sense of humour.
Why doesn't the queen wave with this hand? Eh? Why doesn't the queen wave with this hand? Cos it's my hand! I'd always wanted to punch my dad in the face.
When I was nine, he bought a deep fat fryer.
He saw it on an American shopping channel.
One day, I put my hand in it.
I wanted to make myself feel something.
When I was 15, I put my neighbour's cat in a box and took it into the woods.
It probably had a name.
After that, I killed more animals .
.
and I remember every single one.
School was beneath me, but it was a good place for observation and selection.
Because I had a plan.
I was going to kill something bigger.
Much bigger.
Hey.
I've seen you skating.
You're pretty shit.
Fuck off.
I get these moments when I have to lie down because everything feels sort of too much.
And I look up and see the blue, or the grey, or the black, and I feel myself melting into it.
And, for like a split second, I feel free and happy.
Innocent.
Like a dog or an alien .
.
or a baby.
Your presence is required, young lady.
Why are you talking like Downton Abbey? Just get inside and help.
My mum used to be nice but then she got divorced from my dad and met .
.
Tony.
Last week, he said he thought I needed a bigger bra.
So I threw a chicken Kiev at his head.
Mum pretended that she hadn't heard him.
Now she has the perfect house and the perfect garden, in the perfect neighbourhood with perfect twins.
Well .
.
their heads do smell nice, though, it's true.
I haven't seen my dad since I was eight.
He never fitted in, he couldn't settle, so he had to leave.
I don't blame him.
But he sends me a card, without fail, every single birthday.
I understand, actually.
I don't trust people who fit in.
Is this from you? What? What the fuck? What?! I'm here.
I'm literally here.
It's free.
I'm not saying he's the answer, but he's something.
Hey.
Hey.
I've seen you skating.
I haven't.
You're pretty shit.
Fuck off.
Alyssa was new.
She'd started that term.
I thought she could be interesting to kill.
Are you waiting for me? So I pretended to fall in love with her.
What happened to your hand? Shut up.
I haven't got a phone.
OK.
I smashed it.
OK.
Like, on purpose.
OK.
So you can't call me.
OK.
I don't have a phone either.
Really? Yeah.
I hate them.
I knew that people in love went out on dates.
Do you want to go on a date? With me? She said yes.
Hi, what can I get for you today? Is this true? One of the top ten greatest American dining experiences Yeah! Right, can I take your orders? Uh I will have a banana split with extra cherries Mm-hm.
.
.
some blueberry pancakes Mm-hm.
.
.
and a hot chocolate with cream.
He-he, are you hungry? He-he-he, and an extra fucking spoon.
Excuse me? For him.
OK, sorry you can't use language like that, otherwise I'm going to have to ask you and your boyfriend to leave.
OK.
OK, I'm sorry.
Sorry.
I will have a great big banana shit with extra fucking cherries on the top of it OK, sorry, that's it.
Right.
MARVIN! Oh, yeah, go get Marvin.
See if Marvin can make it banana split for me, you fucking cunt.
BYE, MARVIN! It seemed that Alyssa had some issues.
I think we live in the most boring town on the planet.
Yeah, maybe.
Everyone's so fucking square.
Well, they've got money, they feel safe.
Are you boring, too? No.
She's the only cool person in this town.
Her? Yeah.
She's done stuff.
She's probably a spy and had, like, 15 abortions when it was illegal or something.
She has lived.
Really? Whatever.
Can we go to your house? Yeah, sure.
Why do you live in such a weird house? I don't know.
There's too many windows.
Maybe.
Is that your mum? Yeah.
She lives in Japan.
Cool.
You look like her.
This is pretty retro.
I don't like it.
Why not? I just don't.
Alyssa was kind of a nymphomaniac.
What? Huh? Oh, no.
The hunter has returned! Cheers! Wow, this is nice.
What is? This.
You two.
Eh? What a relief.
I'll tell you what.
I've never been sure if he even, you know.
I always thought there was something wrong with him.
I actually masturbated once a week for medical purposes.
I knew it wasn't good to let things build up.
I thought, probably, he was gay.
Which is, that's fine.
Like, obviously, but here you are.
Maybe I'm gay.
Maybe he's asexual.
We're dealing with a really broad spectrum these days.
Your dad is a prick.
Yeah, I know.
Sometimes I feel like punching him in the face.
You should definitely do that.
Have you ever eaten a pussy before? It was important to be confident in moments like this.
Yeah, a few.
I want you to eat mine.
Now? Tomorrow.
I'll be here at 11.
I was ready at 11.
Actually, I was ready at ten.
It was important to work out the exact logistics beforehand.
When it got to 12, I started to think she might not be coming.
Sometimes I worry that I ruin things.
But, I feel I don't know.
I feel comfortable with him.
Sort of safe.
Alyssa.
Alyssa.
What? Put these on and come downstairs.
What? The party! No way, I told you.
I'm going out.
I am not having this argument again, Alyssa.
Mum, there's no way.
Please, love.
I want you to be there.
For me.
Right, those aren't for you.
Hand them around.
Hi! All right? Go away.
Here.
Have a beer.
Chill out.
Thanks, Tone.
This is a load of bullshit.
Your life is bullshit.
Well, if you hate it so much .
.
leave.
I'm serious.
Do us all a favour.
You look good when you make a bit of an effort, don't you? Sometimes, everything is suddenly really simple.
It's like everything shifts in a moment.
And you step out of your body.
Out of your life.
You step out and you see where you are, really clearly.
You see yourself .
.
and you think .
.
fuck this shit.
James! I think being angry and sad at the same time really turns me on.
Come here.
I kind of think I could fall in love with him.
Also, he has a car.
I wondered if it'd be easier to slit her throat if I flipped her around.
Whether it'd be better not to see her face, but then, the angle.
It was a conundrum.
What? Let's get out of here.
What? I'm serious, let's leave this shithole town, now.
You hate it, I hate it.
Our parents are dickheads, you've got a car.
It's my dad's.
Who's a dickhead.
I'm going whether you come with me or not.
You in? Please say yes.
I figured, I wasn't in a rush.
Yeah, all right.
I didn't know where we were going or when I was going to kill her, but I punched my dad in the face and stole his car and that felt like a good place to start.
Are you scared? I don't know.
A bit, maybe.
I'm not.
She probably should have been.