The Fairly OddParents (2001) s01e01 Episode Script
The Big Problem
1 Timmy is an average kid That no one understands Mom and Dad and Vicky Always giving him commands Bad twerp! Doom and gloom up in his room is broken instantly By his magic little fish who'll grant his every wish 'cause in reality They are his OddParents, Fairly OddParents Wands and wings.
Floaty, crowny things.
OddParents, Fairly OddParents Really mod, peapod, buff bod, hot rod Obtuse, Rubber Goose, green moose, guava juice.
Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake! OddParents, Fairly OddParents It flips your lid when you are a kid with Fairly OddParents Yeah, right.
Captioning made possible by MTV networks [bugle plays reveille.]
[snoring.]
Ready, Cosmo? Ready, Wanda.
Both: 1, 2, 3 Wakey, wakey, Timmy.
[ring.]
Aaah! Come on, little fella even though we're your Fairy GodParents We don't need our magic to tell us that you're in for a boring, ordinary day of school.
Yippee.
[schoolbell rings.]
Ha ha.
You'd be able to reach this if you weren't so puny.
[whistle blows.]
Man: Welcome to football tryouts! Listen up for your position.
Tailback! Yes, sir! Linebacker! Yes, sir! Ball! Huh? I can't wait to get home.
At least I'm big in my parents' eyes.
Hey, short stuff! Guess what.
We're going to the movies.
All right! Not "we're" as in all of us "we're" as in your Mom and I.
What? You're not old enough for this movie, and we're not taking you.
Ain't pronouns a kick? Both: Ha ha ha ha! Oh, honey, cheer up.
You'll get into those movies someday.
Why, soon, you won't even need a baby-sitter.
Really? Yep, but tonight you do! Hey, pronouns again! [doorbell chimes.]
[dog howling.]
Oh, no The baby-sitter! [thunder.]
Hello, Mr.
and Mrs.
Turner.
It's me, Vicky.
[flowers scream.]
You can't spell "Vicky" without "icky.
" We'll be back really late, so just tuck Timmy in, OK? I'll take care of the little darling like he was my own cash and blood.
Have fun at the movies.
Bye! All right, twerp, time for bed! But it's only 6:04.
Well, it's 9:04 on the east coast.
Bed! [beep.]
Now it's 9:05 on the east coast.
Cheer up, Timmy You're only gonna be little for a little while.
Well, being little stinks.
I bet it would be great to be an adult.
When I'm big, I'm gonna do what I want, when I want.
I'll help little old ladies cross the street.
Oh.
[honking.]
Thanks, older Timmy.
Timmy: I'm not gonna take any crud from bullies.
Yikes! Yay, older Timmy! Timmy: And I won't even need a baby-sitter.
Will babysit for food.
[clink.]
Psych.
Ha ha ha ha! Blast you, older Timmy! It sounds like being older will be a hoot.
Yeah, and I don't even have to wait, 'cause I've got Fairy GodParents.
OK, you guys, I wish I was older.
Well, how do I look? Eww is right.
I don't have any hair.
Sure you do It's here on your back.
That's just creepy.
I wish I had a full head of hair.
Sorry, Timmy.
According to the rules, Fairy GodParents only grant wishes to kids.
Really? It doesn't mean you still can't pal around with me, right? Not that we know of.
Cool let's go do adult stuff.
OK! Like what? Driving! I'm carsick.
I'm Cosmo! Hello, little old lady.
May I help you cross the street? Baaah! You know, Timmy, when a kid helps an old lady cross the street, it's kind of cute.
But when an adult does it, it's just plain creepy.
Fine.
There's still other fun things adults can do.
Finally, I can see a grown-up movie.
Ew, gross Adults making out.
[smooching.]
You know, I bet Timmy would think this is gross.
[smooching.]
Aaaah! It burns! Shaving will be fun.
Aaah! Try some manly cologne.
Aaah! They call this soothing? I'm hungry.
I've got an idea: Maybe if you ate some adult food, you'd have better luck thinking like an adult.
Great idea, puddin'.
I'm chock-full of 'em.
Both: Ha ha ha ha! Waiter: Sir.
The grown-up menu For grownups like me! [munching.]
What's this? The bill.
That goes to my Parents.
Very amusing, sir.
That'll be $265.
What?! That's more than I get in allowance.
I mean, that's more than I make in a month.
Well, you should've finished college.
Did you finish college? No! Why do you think I'm a waiter? Waaah! Couldn't you guys magically clean these? No.
Adults have to do everything all by themselves.
[gulps.]
So tired.
Aaah! [whistle.]
Hyah! Oof! Aah! Hyee! Heeyah! Oof! Oh, man, booted out of my own house.
Nobody gets rid of creeps like Vicky.
Bwaak! Hmm, Timmy hasn't said anything since I sent him to bed.
The brat's usually whimpering with the hunger by now.
Aw, man, what good is being big if I can't even go in my own home? Come on, I know where we can still go.
[gasp.]
He's gone! Something could have happened to him! Or worse Something could happen to me because something happened to him! His parents are home! Need time to find the bug.
Mrs.
Turner: Vicky, it's us Mr.
Turner: Timmy's loving parents.
Aw, look at that big, orange, basketball-shaped head of his sleeping.
Good night, Timmy.
Well, uh, good night.
Timmy: I can't make wishes, I can't sleep in my own bed I didn't know being an adult would be so hard.
Oh, it's OK, sweetie, tomorrow will be better.
Really? We don't know owwwie! [cock-a-doodle-do.]
Boy: Ouch, ow Cut it out, Francis.
That's my only head.
Huh huh.
Finally, this looks like a job for Both: Older Timmy! Pluck on somebody your own size.
Waaah! Fairygram for Cosmo and Wanda.
I'm Cosmo and Wanda.
Now that your kid is big and hairy, your next assignment is mean and scary.
Man, I wish I had some fairy godparents to knock around instead of this stupid doll.
[buzz.]
Whoa, the head fell off.
Awesome! You mean we're being reassigned? Ha ha ha ha! I mean, uh, yes, and we're all very sorry.
Can we have a couple of hours to say good-bye to Timmy? Can I have $5.
00? Two hours.
What's going on? You said you just couldn't grant me any more wishes.
I didn't know you'd have to leave me, too.
We didn't know that, either.
Apparently, the other thing I'm chock-full of is not knowing stuff.
Hey, what if I acted like a kid again? I could wish myself back to normal and you guys wouldn't have to leave.
Hmm, I don't see anything that says you can't.
I smell loophole! We'll discuss it at the next fairy convention.
Come on, Timmy.
Ooh, let's find your inner child.
Miniature golf is a great kids' game.
Ow, my back.
Let me try the age-o-meter.
Kid Adult Oh, no! You've become even more of an adult.
We've got to resort to the heavy artillery.
Ha ha ha ha! That's just plain creepy.
Time to go.
Can we have two more hours with Timmy? Can I have 5 more dollars? Come on, we've got to get me younger I'm running out of fives.
Vicky: Have you seen this twerp? Have you seen this twerp? Have you seen this twerp? Have you seen this twerp? Vicky! I've never been so happy to see you in my Actually, I've never been happy to see you.
[whistle.]
Oof! Aah! Hyah! Oof! You are one creepy adult.
We got a place for guys like you.
Home? Aw, sweetie, we tried.
Look at it this way: Meals don't cost $265 here.
Man: One phone call, creep.
Mom, it's me, Timmy.
Honey, it's some old guy calling me from jail.
He says he's Timmy.
That's creepy And inaccurate.
We know that Timmy was taken to school by his loving baby-sitter, Vicky.
They didn't believe me.
I don't want to be grown-up.
[cries.]
OK, chop-chop Somebody in this room has to go help the new kid.
What? No! I've lost my home, my hair, and now my godparents.
This stinks! I don't want to be an adult, yet.
I want my Mom and Dad! Aaaah! Wanda: Oh, Timmy, wanting your Mom and Dad is making you a kid inside.
Quick, make a wish! I wish I was a kid again! I'm puny again! Woo-hoo! Godparents: And we get to stay with Timmy! In your face! Well, someone in here has to get assigned to that mean, little Darn it! Finally Does your head pop off? It's not supposed to.
What happened to that big, fat, creepy bald guy? Uh, parole? Well, jail's for creepy adults not kids.
Let's get you out of here.
All: We want our Mommies and Daddies, too.
Aaah! Being a kid rocks! I'd rather be a shrimp than a hairy prisoner any day.
Hey, me, too.
Officer He's a twerp, you know, and I can't find him.
He's about this high, he's got a stupid, little pink hat like this, and he's got a nasally little voice like Hi, Vicky! Twerp I'm safe! I I mean, you're safe Which means I'm safe! Francis: Huh, you're just a shrimp A puny, little shrimp.
I sure am, Francis, and I'm not in any hurry to grow up.
Best of all, I've got all my hair and none of it's on my back.
Uh Here you go.
Hey, shaving will be fun.
Francis: Aaaaah! All: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Floaty, crowny things.
OddParents, Fairly OddParents Really mod, peapod, buff bod, hot rod Obtuse, Rubber Goose, green moose, guava juice.
Giant snake, birthday cake, large fries, chocolate shake! OddParents, Fairly OddParents It flips your lid when you are a kid with Fairly OddParents Yeah, right.
Captioning made possible by MTV networks [bugle plays reveille.]
[snoring.]
Ready, Cosmo? Ready, Wanda.
Both: 1, 2, 3 Wakey, wakey, Timmy.
[ring.]
Aaah! Come on, little fella even though we're your Fairy GodParents We don't need our magic to tell us that you're in for a boring, ordinary day of school.
Yippee.
[schoolbell rings.]
Ha ha.
You'd be able to reach this if you weren't so puny.
[whistle blows.]
Man: Welcome to football tryouts! Listen up for your position.
Tailback! Yes, sir! Linebacker! Yes, sir! Ball! Huh? I can't wait to get home.
At least I'm big in my parents' eyes.
Hey, short stuff! Guess what.
We're going to the movies.
All right! Not "we're" as in all of us "we're" as in your Mom and I.
What? You're not old enough for this movie, and we're not taking you.
Ain't pronouns a kick? Both: Ha ha ha ha! Oh, honey, cheer up.
You'll get into those movies someday.
Why, soon, you won't even need a baby-sitter.
Really? Yep, but tonight you do! Hey, pronouns again! [doorbell chimes.]
[dog howling.]
Oh, no The baby-sitter! [thunder.]
Hello, Mr.
and Mrs.
Turner.
It's me, Vicky.
[flowers scream.]
You can't spell "Vicky" without "icky.
" We'll be back really late, so just tuck Timmy in, OK? I'll take care of the little darling like he was my own cash and blood.
Have fun at the movies.
Bye! All right, twerp, time for bed! But it's only 6:04.
Well, it's 9:04 on the east coast.
Bed! [beep.]
Now it's 9:05 on the east coast.
Cheer up, Timmy You're only gonna be little for a little while.
Well, being little stinks.
I bet it would be great to be an adult.
When I'm big, I'm gonna do what I want, when I want.
I'll help little old ladies cross the street.
Oh.
[honking.]
Thanks, older Timmy.
Timmy: I'm not gonna take any crud from bullies.
Yikes! Yay, older Timmy! Timmy: And I won't even need a baby-sitter.
Will babysit for food.
[clink.]
Psych.
Ha ha ha ha! Blast you, older Timmy! It sounds like being older will be a hoot.
Yeah, and I don't even have to wait, 'cause I've got Fairy GodParents.
OK, you guys, I wish I was older.
Well, how do I look? Eww is right.
I don't have any hair.
Sure you do It's here on your back.
That's just creepy.
I wish I had a full head of hair.
Sorry, Timmy.
According to the rules, Fairy GodParents only grant wishes to kids.
Really? It doesn't mean you still can't pal around with me, right? Not that we know of.
Cool let's go do adult stuff.
OK! Like what? Driving! I'm carsick.
I'm Cosmo! Hello, little old lady.
May I help you cross the street? Baaah! You know, Timmy, when a kid helps an old lady cross the street, it's kind of cute.
But when an adult does it, it's just plain creepy.
Fine.
There's still other fun things adults can do.
Finally, I can see a grown-up movie.
Ew, gross Adults making out.
[smooching.]
You know, I bet Timmy would think this is gross.
[smooching.]
Aaaah! It burns! Shaving will be fun.
Aaah! Try some manly cologne.
Aaah! They call this soothing? I'm hungry.
I've got an idea: Maybe if you ate some adult food, you'd have better luck thinking like an adult.
Great idea, puddin'.
I'm chock-full of 'em.
Both: Ha ha ha ha! Waiter: Sir.
The grown-up menu For grownups like me! [munching.]
What's this? The bill.
That goes to my Parents.
Very amusing, sir.
That'll be $265.
What?! That's more than I get in allowance.
I mean, that's more than I make in a month.
Well, you should've finished college.
Did you finish college? No! Why do you think I'm a waiter? Waaah! Couldn't you guys magically clean these? No.
Adults have to do everything all by themselves.
[gulps.]
So tired.
Aaah! [whistle.]
Hyah! Oof! Aah! Hyee! Heeyah! Oof! Oh, man, booted out of my own house.
Nobody gets rid of creeps like Vicky.
Bwaak! Hmm, Timmy hasn't said anything since I sent him to bed.
The brat's usually whimpering with the hunger by now.
Aw, man, what good is being big if I can't even go in my own home? Come on, I know where we can still go.
[gasp.]
He's gone! Something could have happened to him! Or worse Something could happen to me because something happened to him! His parents are home! Need time to find the bug.
Mrs.
Turner: Vicky, it's us Mr.
Turner: Timmy's loving parents.
Aw, look at that big, orange, basketball-shaped head of his sleeping.
Good night, Timmy.
Well, uh, good night.
Timmy: I can't make wishes, I can't sleep in my own bed I didn't know being an adult would be so hard.
Oh, it's OK, sweetie, tomorrow will be better.
Really? We don't know owwwie! [cock-a-doodle-do.]
Boy: Ouch, ow Cut it out, Francis.
That's my only head.
Huh huh.
Finally, this looks like a job for Both: Older Timmy! Pluck on somebody your own size.
Waaah! Fairygram for Cosmo and Wanda.
I'm Cosmo and Wanda.
Now that your kid is big and hairy, your next assignment is mean and scary.
Man, I wish I had some fairy godparents to knock around instead of this stupid doll.
[buzz.]
Whoa, the head fell off.
Awesome! You mean we're being reassigned? Ha ha ha ha! I mean, uh, yes, and we're all very sorry.
Can we have a couple of hours to say good-bye to Timmy? Can I have $5.
00? Two hours.
What's going on? You said you just couldn't grant me any more wishes.
I didn't know you'd have to leave me, too.
We didn't know that, either.
Apparently, the other thing I'm chock-full of is not knowing stuff.
Hey, what if I acted like a kid again? I could wish myself back to normal and you guys wouldn't have to leave.
Hmm, I don't see anything that says you can't.
I smell loophole! We'll discuss it at the next fairy convention.
Come on, Timmy.
Ooh, let's find your inner child.
Miniature golf is a great kids' game.
Ow, my back.
Let me try the age-o-meter.
Kid Adult Oh, no! You've become even more of an adult.
We've got to resort to the heavy artillery.
Ha ha ha ha! That's just plain creepy.
Time to go.
Can we have two more hours with Timmy? Can I have 5 more dollars? Come on, we've got to get me younger I'm running out of fives.
Vicky: Have you seen this twerp? Have you seen this twerp? Have you seen this twerp? Have you seen this twerp? Vicky! I've never been so happy to see you in my Actually, I've never been happy to see you.
[whistle.]
Oof! Aah! Hyah! Oof! You are one creepy adult.
We got a place for guys like you.
Home? Aw, sweetie, we tried.
Look at it this way: Meals don't cost $265 here.
Man: One phone call, creep.
Mom, it's me, Timmy.
Honey, it's some old guy calling me from jail.
He says he's Timmy.
That's creepy And inaccurate.
We know that Timmy was taken to school by his loving baby-sitter, Vicky.
They didn't believe me.
I don't want to be grown-up.
[cries.]
OK, chop-chop Somebody in this room has to go help the new kid.
What? No! I've lost my home, my hair, and now my godparents.
This stinks! I don't want to be an adult, yet.
I want my Mom and Dad! Aaaah! Wanda: Oh, Timmy, wanting your Mom and Dad is making you a kid inside.
Quick, make a wish! I wish I was a kid again! I'm puny again! Woo-hoo! Godparents: And we get to stay with Timmy! In your face! Well, someone in here has to get assigned to that mean, little Darn it! Finally Does your head pop off? It's not supposed to.
What happened to that big, fat, creepy bald guy? Uh, parole? Well, jail's for creepy adults not kids.
Let's get you out of here.
All: We want our Mommies and Daddies, too.
Aaah! Being a kid rocks! I'd rather be a shrimp than a hairy prisoner any day.
Hey, me, too.
Officer He's a twerp, you know, and I can't find him.
He's about this high, he's got a stupid, little pink hat like this, and he's got a nasally little voice like Hi, Vicky! Twerp I'm safe! I I mean, you're safe Which means I'm safe! Francis: Huh, you're just a shrimp A puny, little shrimp.
I sure am, Francis, and I'm not in any hurry to grow up.
Best of all, I've got all my hair and none of it's on my back.
Uh Here you go.
Hey, shaving will be fun.
Francis: Aaaaah! All: Ha ha ha ha ha!