The Fall Guy (1981) s01e01 Episode Script

[ Man Narrating .]
THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM, WOMEN HAVE WANTED TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN' SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS-- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO WAIT BY THE PHONE AND WAIT AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES A LO OF THESE PEOPLE GET OUT OF JAIL ON WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I SOMETIMES PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
IT CAN BE REAL INTERESTING WORK.
I REMEMBER ONE CASE IN PARTICULAR.
THE GUY USED THE DARNEDEST DISGUISES TO KEEP GETTING AWAY FROM ME.
WHEN I FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH HIM, IT GAVE ME QUITE A KICK.
I'M SORRY, BUT YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE.
OH, IT'S OKAY.
I'M A RELATIVE.
I KNOW, BUT MR.
SMITH LEFT STRICT INSTRUCTIONS THAT NO ONE'S ALLOWED IN.
OH, BUT, MISS, THE MERE SOUND OF MY VOICE WILL MAKE SUCH A DIFFERENCE IN HIS CONDITION.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA.
[ Grunting .]
- YOU SEE? HE'S ALREADY UPSET.
- IT'S ONLY BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW IT'S ME.
- I'LL COME A LITTLE CLOSER.
- NO! I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET AN ORDERLY! I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS, YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD BOUNTY HUNTER.
YOU DIRTY, ROTTEN-- [ Grunting .]
HARVEY, YOU'VE HAD SOME SURE GOOD DISGUISES IN THE PAST, BUT THIS ONE SURE TAKES THE CAKE.
[ Gasps .]
[ Nurse .]
STOP! PLEASE STOP! THIS IS FOR THE WOMAN YOU SHOT IN THE BANK.
THIS IS FOR THE OFFICER YOU RAN DOWN IN YOUR CAR.
AND THIS IS FOR ME AND THREE MONTHS OF AGGRAVATION IN TRYING TO FIND YOU.
[ Groans .]
[ Gasps .]
I KNEW HE'D BE REAL EXCITED TO SEE ME.
COLT, YOU DID IT.
YOU FOUND HIM.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD THAT COULD HAVE.
YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
AH, DON'T FORGET MY CHECK.
COLT, WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THERE'S ALL THIS PAPERWORK.
YOU JUST CAN'T GO OFF AND LEAVE ME LIKE THIS.
OH, YES, I CAN.
COLT! WHERE YOU GOING? TO A FIRE.
TO A FIRE? [ Woman Screaming .]
[ Crowd Murmuring, Shouting .]
[ Man .]
OH, IT'S ON FIRE! [ People Chattering Excitedly .]
[ Woman .]
ISN'T SOMEBODY GONNA HELP HIM OUT? [ Sirens Wailing .]
CUT! ALL RIGHT! [ Chattering, Applause .]
HOLD IT! HOLD IT! DON'T PUT HIM OUT YET! [ Man .]
HEY, GET HIM OUT OF HERE! WHO IS THAT IDIOT? WHO IS THAT GUY? GET RID OF HIM.
COLT, THAT WAS FAR AND AWAY THE MOST EXCITING STUN I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.
YEAH, IT FELT PRETTY GOOD.
THOUGHT I'D DIED AND GONE TO HELL.
WE'LL SEE YOU ON THE NEXT PICTURE.
LET'S GE THE FIRST TEAM IN HERE.
I WANT A CLOSE-UP OF JIM COBURN COMING OUT OF THE CAR, AND-- AND LOCK THAT IDIOT UP AND THROW AWAY THE KEY.
DON'T THROW IT TOO FAR.
HE'S A RELATIVE.
COLT, THAT WAS UNBELIEVABLE! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN' HERE? WELL, I CAME BACK.
WHAT IS THIS, A SEMESTER BREAK OR SOMETHING? WELL, IT'S SORT OF A LONG STORY.
JUST GIVE ME THE READER'S DIGES VERSION.
WE'RE READY FOR YOU, JIM.
[ Coburn .]
OKAY, I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.
COLT! LISTEN, MAN, THAT WAS FANTASTIC, THAT STUNT.
YOU'VE GOTTA BE INSANE.
- THANK YOU.
- YEAH, YOU'RE WELCOME, JIM.
- GOOD LUCK WITH THE REST OF THE PICTURE.
- AH.
WASN'T THAT JAMES COBURN IN PERSON? YEAH.
HE GENERALLY WORKS HIS PICTURES IN PERSON.
THEY ALL NEED HELP, THOSE GUYS.
MAJOR PSYCHIATRIC HELP.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THAT FANCY EASTERN COLLEGE.
YEAH, WELL, I'M BACK.
THE IVY LEAGUE TAUGHT ME EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW ABOU BEING RICH AND FAMOUS LIKE YOU.
I LEARNED IT ALL, COLT.
RICH AND FAMOUS LIKE ME? YOU AIN'T LEARNED IT ALL.
THE DRINK WAS LATE.
WELL, I COULDN'T WATCH.
I THOUGH YOU WERE DEAD.
THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WATCH.
WELL, I PEEKED.
IT WAS TERRIBLE.
I FIGURED THE CAR CRASH KILLED HIM.
THEN WHEN I SAW THAT ROARING FIRE-- LORD! - I CAN'T WAIT TO GET IN ON THAT GOOD STUFF.
- GET IN ON WHAT GOOD STUFF? COLT, I'VE COME TO PAY YOU BACK FOR PUTTIN' ME THROUGH SCHOOL.
I DON'T WANT TO BE PAID BACK.
YOUR DAD DID MORE FOR MY FAMILY THAN I COULD EVER REPAY.
AH, WELL, LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON.
I'M HERE TO HELP YOU, COLT.
HELP ME DO WHAT? AH! FIRST OF ALL-- YOU DON'T MIND IF I SMOKE, DO YOU? YES.
YES.
FIRST OF ALL, I'M GONNA BE YOUR MANAGER.
MY MANAGER? RIGHT.
CONSIDERING ALL THE GREAT MOVIES YOU'VE DONE, COLT, YOU'D BE AMAZED AT HOW MANY OF MY FRIENDS AT SCHOOL HAVE EVER HEARD OF YOU.
- YEAH? HOW MANY? - NONE.
SECOND, YOU'RE GETTING ALONG IN YEARS, COLT, AND I HATE TO SEE YOU DOING THESE DANGEROUS STUNTS ON YOUR OWN.
SO, I'VE THOUGHT IT OVER, AND I'M WILLING TO PITCH IN AND SORT OF TAKE OVER AS YOU PULL BACK AND ENJOY YOUR GOLDEN YEARS.
- GOLDEN YEARS? - AFTER YOU'VE WATCHED ME RUN THE BUSINESS A WHILE, YOU'LL PROBABLY BE ABLE TO TAKE OVER THAT PART OF IT, AND I'LL MOVE INTO THE LIMELIGHT.
LET ME GET THIS THING STRAIGHT HERE.
YOU SPENT SEVEN YEARS IN SCHOOL TO LEARN TO BECOME A STUNTMAN? RIGHT.
BUT WITH ME AS YOUR PARTNER, WE'LL BOTH GO A LOT FURTHER BECAUSE YOU'LL BE ABLE TO REAP THE BENEFITS OF MY LONG EDUCATION.
- AH.
CAN YOU TAKE A PUNCH? - CAN I WHAT? TAKE A PUNCH.
YOU'VE SEEN STUNTMEN TAKE PUNCHES, HUH? OH, HELL, YES.
I WAS ON THE YALE BOXING TEAM FOR ALMOST A YEAR.
IN FACT, I-- [ Groans .]
WAS THAT SOME KIND OF A TES YOU GIVE STUNTMEN? NO.
THAT WAS JUST ME TRYING TO KNOCK YOUR HEAD OFF.
WELL, I'M NOT THE KIND TO KISS AND TELL BUT I'VE BEEN SEEN WITH FARRAH I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN A NINE SO FINE I'VE BEEN ON FIRE WITH SALLY FIELD GONE FAS WITH A GIRL NAMED BO BUT SOMEHOW THEY JUS DON'T END UP AS MINE IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN' LIFE I LEAD I TAKE MY CHANCES I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN THE MOVIES AND TV [ Siren Wailing .]
BUT THE HARDEST THING I EVER DO IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES KISS SOME OTHER GUY WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDIN' I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MADE REDFORD SUCH A STAR [ Women Vocalizing .]
I'VE NEVER SPEN MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL BUT I'VE TAUGH LADIES PLENTY IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY BODY OUT FOR PAY HEY, HEY I'VE GOTTEN BURNED OVER CHERYL TIEGS BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY HEY, HEY I MIGHT JUMP AN OPEN DRAWBRIDGE OR TARZAN FROM A VINE 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MAKES EASTWOOD LOOK SO FINE WOW, I THOUGHT L.
A.
WAS FLAT.
WHAT'S UP HERE, A RANGER STATION? MY HOUSE.
OH, I'LL BET IT'S SOME KIND OF A HOLLYWOOD CASTLE, ISN'T IT? KID, EXACTLY WHAT DID YOU DO WITH ALL THOSE YEARS YOU WASTED IN SCHOOL? WASTED? DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GO WORKIN' WITH YOU? A WALKING ENCYCLOPEDIA.
I HAD A YEAR OF ACCOUNTING A OKLAHOMA, A YEAR OF PRELAW A HARVARD, A YEAR OF BUSINESS AT-- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
HOLD IT.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU TOOK A YEAR OF HERE AND THERE.
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU GO ALL THE WAY THROUGH.
WHAT DID YOU GET YOUR DIPLOMA IN? HELLO? COME IN, KID.
COLT, I'M UPSE AT YOUR TONE OF VOICE.
WELL, MUST BE THE ALTITUDE.
NO, IT'S YOUR ATTITUDE.
YOU'D THINK THE OLD COCK WAS AFRAID OF THE NEW ROOSTER IN TOWN OR SOMETHING.
THAT'S IT.
WHAT DID WE HIT? ROCK BOTTOM.
MY UNCLE TURNED OUT A DRY HOLE.
WHY ARE WE STOPPING HERE? WHERE'S YOUR HOLLYWOOD MANSION? IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK YOUR HIGHNESS, WOULD YOU MIND GRABBING A COUPLE OF BAGS? IS SOMETHING DISTURBING COLT? SURE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO HELP YA, JODY? JUST TRY NOT TO GET LOST.
WHAT A GREAT PLACE FOR A MANSION.
AND LOOK AT THAT VIEW.
WOW! HEY, COLT! WANT ME TO STOW THIS GEAR IN THAT SHED? THIS ISN'T A SHED.
IT'S MY HOUSE.
THAT'S YOUR HOUSE? I'LL TAKE THESE BAGS.
THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU, KID.
PEOPLE DON'T ALL LIVE IN MANSIONS OUT HERE.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, COLT.
WE'LL BUILD YOUR BIG HOUSE AS SOON AS THE MONEY STARTS ROLLING IN AND WE'VE GOT IT MADE.
KID, NOBODY HAS IT MADE IN THIS TOWN, AND THE MONEY RARELY ROLLS IN.
ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THEY DON'T PAY YOU BIG MONEY TO SET YOURSELF ON FIRE? SURE, I CAN MAKE AS MUCH AS $5,000 IN A DAY.
BUT IT ONLY COMES ALONG EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
THE REST IS A FEW HUNDRED HERE, A FEW HUNDRED THERE.
NOT THE KIND OF THING YOU SPEND SEVEN YEARS IN SCHOOL TO GET IN ON.
[ Horses Whinnying .]
HEY, YOU'VE GOT HORSES! [ Colt .]
WE'LL TAKE A RIDE LATER.
COLT, TELEPHONE.
IT'S SOAPY.
I HOPE YOU LISTEN TO HIM.
WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU TO DO, WELL, THAT'S GONNA BE GOSPEL.
EVEN IF IT MEANS GOING BACK HOME.
LOOK, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME MESSIN' UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH COLT.
I'M JUST LOOKING FOR A LITTLE SPACE OF MY OWN HERE.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH COLT? LOOK, I AM NOTHING BUT A HIRED HAND.
OKAY? I CAN THINK OF A LOT OF THINGS I'D HIRE YOU FOR, AND YOUR HANDS WOULDN'T EVEN BE ON THE LIST.
UNLESS YOU WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT PICKING UP YOUR TEETH, YOU'LL WATCH THE WAY YOU TALK AND LOOK AT ME.
DO WE UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER? YES, MA'AM.
I'M ALL BUSINESS.
GOOD.
- WON'T BE DOING ANY RIDING TONIGHT.
- SAYS WHO? - SAYS SAMANTHA.
- WHO? SOAPY, I CAN'T HELP YA.
I GO A RELATIVE IN TOWN.
I GOTTA GET HIM STRAIGHTENED OUT.
COLT, WHO PICKS YOU UP OFF THE SIDEWALK WHEN YOU CAN'T MAKE THE PAYMENTS ON YOUR SHINY NEW TRUCK? IT SEEMS TO ME I'VE HELPED KEEP YOU GOING TOO, SOAPY.
BUT THIS IS ONE TIME I REALLY NEED YOU.
AND YOU CAN HELP A FRIEND TO BOOT.
- COUNTRY JOE? WHAT'D HE DO? - AGGRAVATED ASSAULT.
HE PUNCHED OUT HIS MANAGER.
- THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE COUNTRY JOE.
- REALLY? HOW ABOUT JUMPING BAIL AND FAILING TO SHOW UP FOR HIS HEARING? I'M ON THE HOOK FOR A $5,000 BOND, AND THEY TELL ME HE'S RIGHT HERE IN THE CITY.
COLT, THIS IS THE THIRD GUY THAT'S RUN OUT ON ME THIS MONTH.
LOOK, SOAPY, I CAN' SPEND ALL NIGHT CHASING HIM.
BUT MAYBE I CAN MAKE A COUPLE OF CALLS AND GET HIM TO TURN HIMSELF IN.
- GIVE ME WHAT INFORMATION YOU GOT.
- THANK YOU, COLT.
- I WON'T FORGET YOU FOR THIS.
- ALL RIGHT-- 7-4-2-0.
HOW DO I LOOK? LIKE YOU STOLE WILLIE NELSON'S CLOTHES.
BORROWED.
I LOOK ON THIS LIKE IT'S THE ARMY.
I CAN'T BE OUT OF UNIFORM.
UH, DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN A LITTLE BIGGER BELT BUCKLE? JODY.
TYPE OUT THIS WARRANT, WILL YOU? IS COUNTRY JOE IN TROUBLE? AH, HE PUNCHED OU DOC RYDER.
OH, THAT DOESN' SOUND LIKE JOE.
JUMPING BAIL DOESN' SOUND RIGHT EITHER.
[ Rings .]
- HELLO? - UH, COLT SEAVERS.
I HATE TO BE MAKIN' THIS CALL, BUT, MRS.
WALKER, I NEED TO GET IN TOUCH WITH JOE.
- HE'S NOT HERE.
- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT THIS EXCEPT STRAIGHT ON.
YOU KNOW HE'S JUMPED BAIL AND, WELL, I'VE GOT TO SEE THAT HE TURNS HIMSELF IN.
WELL, JOE'S GO THESE NEW FRIENDS, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW HE GOT MIXED UP WITH THEM OR WHY, BUT THEY'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE TROUBLE HE'S IN.
ANY IDEA WHERE THESE PEOPLE ARE? NO.
HE COULD BE AT ANY ONE OF A DOZEN HANGOUTS.
AND, COLT, IF THEY'RE WITH HIM, WATCH OUT.
THANKS, MRS.
WALKER.
I'LL TRY AND TAKE CARE OF JOE TOO.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING? TO GO GET JOE.
YOU DON'T PACK THAT THING UNLESS YOU'RE EXPECTING TROUBLE.
IT'S A MOVIE GUN, JODY.
THREE-QUARTER LOAD BLANKS.
I ONLY PACK I TO IMPRESS PEOPLE.
COLT, IF YOU'RE GONNA PLAY COP, AT LEAST USE REAL BULLETS.
WHERE WE GOIN'? WELL, "WE" AREN' GOING ANYWHERE.
I GOT AN ERRAND TO RUN.
JODY'LL FIX YOU A SANDWICH BEFORE SHE GOES HOME.
BUNK IN ON THE COUCH AND I'LL SEE YOU BEFORE YOU LEAVE IN THE MORNING.
WAIT A MINUTE.
SLOW DOWN! COLT, MAYBE YOU'D BETTER EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO ME.
IF YOU LOOK IN THE GLOVE BOX, YOU'LL FIND THE FEDERAL LAW THAT DEFINES LEGAL RESTRICTIONS IN GOING AFTER A DANGEROUS FUGITIVE.
- NOW, HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT I WAS GONNA ASK? - THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY ASKS.
"HOW IS IT THAT A PRIVATE CITIZEN CAN GO PLACES AND DO THINGS THAT SOME POLICE CAN'T?" IT'S ALL IN THAT OLD LAW ON THAT ONE PIECE OF PAPER.
WOW, COLT! ACCORDING TO THIS, YOU DON'T NEED WARRANTS OR COURT ORDERS OR ANYTHING.
AND IT'S A GOOD THING, 'CAUSE FUGITIVES USUALLY DON' WAIT AROUND FOR YOU TO GET HELP.
COLT, UM, WHAT HAPPENS IF A FUGITIVE TRIES TO, UM-- WHAT, KILL ME? MMM.
MAY AS WELL SAY IT.
DESPERATE MEN DO DESPERATE THINGS.
- WHAT DO YOU DO? - I'M JUST A HOLLYWOOD STUNTMAN IN BETWEEN PICTURES.
- SO I TRY TO SWEET-TALK 'EM.
- AND IF THAT DOESN'T WORK? WELL, HOPEFULLY, I FALL BACK ON SOME OF THE STUNTS AND TRICKS I'VE LEARNED OVER THE YEARS.
LISTEN, LEVEL WITH ME, COLT.
DO YOU EVER REALLY HAVE TO LOAD THAT GUN OF YOURS? OH, SURE.
WHEN I GO HUNTING.
- LOOK OUT! - [ Tires Screech .]
BOY, THIS JUS ISN'T YOUR DAY.
IT'S NOT HIS EITHER.
LOOK AT HIM WEAVE.
- [ Woman Giggling .]
- WOW, IS THIS A GOOD TIME.
- LOOK OUT! - [ Tires Screech .]
OH, GEEZ! YOU HIT HIM! YOU HIT THE BOY! [ Colt .]
BREAKER! BREAKER! ANYBODY.
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
ACCIDENT AT YUCCA AND GOWER.
WE GOT A CHILD DOWN IN THE STREET.
WE NEED THE PARAMEDICS.
DON'T MOVE, SON.
YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
JUST DON'T MOVE RIGHT NOW.
OKAY? I'M A DOCTOR.
WILL YOU LET ME HAVE A LOOK AT HIM? GREAT, DOC.
JUMP IN THERE.
I'LL CHECK TO SEE IF WE GOT AN AMBULANCE ON THE WAY.
YOU'RE IN GOOD HANDS NOW, KID.
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
THEY'RE ALL FALSE ARRESTS.
RIGHT, FELLAS? [ Chuckling .]
- OH, HI, BILL.
- HI, BIG JACK.
WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE SLUMS TODAY? A JOHN CRAMER.
EVERYTHING IS TAKEN CARE OF.
YEAH, EVERYTHING IS HERE.
I'LL HAVE HIM BROUGHT UP RIGHT AWAY.
GOOD.
OKAY, LET'S SEE NOW.
YOU WANT A ROOM WITH A BATH, RIGHT? [ Big Jack .]
WELL, I HAVE TO WAIT FOR HIM HERE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
MR.
CRAMER.
SAMANTHA JACK.
OH.
OH, YEAH.
WELL, YOU CERTAINLY TOOK A LONG TIME GETTING ME OUT.
BELIEVE ME, MR.
CRAMER, I DON'T ENJOY SITTING AROUND FOR FOUR HOURS ANY MORE THAN YOU DO.
NOW, YOU UNDERSTAND, YOU MUST STAY NEARBY UNTIL YOUR ARRAIGNMENT.
ARE YOU DOUBTING ME? NO.
BUT YOU HAVE BEEN ARRESTED ON A FELONY HIT-AND-RUN AND IT'S A VERY SERIOUS OFFENSE.
JACK, YOU CHECKED MY CREDENTIALS.
I'M A LAWMAN AND A VERY SUBSTANTIAL CITIZEN.
YES, IT SEEMS THA YOU DO OWN HALF A TOWN-- ELMO, ARIZONA.
AND I'M SORRY-- YOU WILL HAVE TO STAY HERE IN TOWN.
MISS JACK, I'LL KEEP MY COMMITMENT.
I HAVE NO INTENTION OF LEAVING TOWN.
YOU HAVE MY LOCAL ADDRESS.
YES, THE PRESIDENTIAL SUITE AT THE BEVERLY HILLS HOTEL.
COULD I ADVISE YOU TO RETAIN, UH, A LOCAL COUNSEL? OH, I'VE ALREADY MADE ARRANGEMENTS.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, YES.
THAT WAS A TERRIBLE THING THAT HAPPENED.
MISS JACK, I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT AN EXCEPTION THAT WAS.
I HAVE A VERY CORREC AND PROPER LIFESTYLE.
BELIEVE ME.
MR.
CRAMER, IF I DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU, I WOULDN'T BE HERE.
COULD I GIVE YOU A LIFT BACK TO THE HOTEL? NO, NO.
I DON'T WANT TO TAKE YOU OUT OF YOUR WAY.
I'LL CALL A TAXI.
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.
BUT I'LL SEE YOU BEFORE THE ARRAIGNMENT.
BYE.
PRESIDENTIAL SUITE, PLEASE.
ESTHER.
YEAH, I'M OUT.
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
[ Country .]
WE SURE SEEN A LOT OF WILD PLACES, COLT.
WELL, WE'RE GONNA SEE ONE MORE.
[ Continues .]
- SORRY, SHOW'S SOLD OUT.
- IT'S OKAY, MELODY.
HE'S WITH ME.
COLT, HONEY.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? BEEN WORKING ON A COBURN FILM.
RIGHT NOW, I'M LOOKIN' FOR COUNTRY JOE WALKER.
IS HE AROUND? BACK IN THE DRESSING ROOM.
BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM.
HE'S GOT A MEAN BUNCH WITH HIM.
YEAH, I'VE HEARD.
BABYSIT THE KID, OKAY? HEY, UH-- COME ON, HON.
ON THE OTHER HAND, A MAN'S GOTTA KNOW WHEN TO TAKE ORDERS, RIGHT? WE'RE PARTNERS.
[ Woman Gasps .]
WHAT DO YOU WANT? EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.
IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? - WHO ARE YOU? - CLUB SECURITY.
I DIDN'T SEND FOR YOU.
GET OUT OF HERE! THANK YOU, MA'AM.
[ Woman .]
HELLO? HELLO? GET ME THE MANAGER.
[ Continues .]
[ Chattering, Laughing .]
HEY, JOE.
SOAPY ASKED ME TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU.
- UH, GOTTA BE GOIN', COLT.
- I WISH YOU WOULDN'T.
THINGS'LL BE WORKED OUT.
YOU JUST STAY CLEAR.
- WHY DON'T YOU COME ON BACK WITH ME? - UH, IT WAS BETWEEN ME AND DOC.
WELL, THAT'S NO EXACTLY TRUE ANYMORE.
YOU'VE GOT THE POLICE INVOLVED.
MAYBE I CAN GET DOC TO DROP THE ASSAULT CHARGE.
YOU'RE NOT GETTING THE SIGNAL.
DOC IS NO LONGER INVOLVED IN JOE'S CAREER.
I AM NOW MANAGING MR.
WALKER.
OH.
NEW MANAGER.
NOW I'M GETTING A CLEAR PICTURE.
WHICH ONE OF THESE TURKEYS REALLY BEAT UP DOC? THAT'S IT, DUDE-- HEY, HEY.
LET HIM BE.
LET HIM BE.
LISTEN.
YOU TELL MISS SAMANTHA SHE'S GONNA GET HER BAIL MONEY BACK.
YOU GOT MY WORD ON THAT.
WHAT ABOUT THE COURT, JOE? YOU GOTTA TURN YOURSELF IN.
I THINK WE'VE BEEN REASONABLE.
HOWEVER, IF THIS GENTLEMAN INSISTS ON BUTTING IN TO MY CLIENT'S BUSINESS, BREAK HIS HEAD OPEN.
JOE-- YOU REMEMBER WHAT MY ASSOCIATE HERE DID TO DOC RYDER'S JAW? WELL, HE'S MY WEAKER BROTHER.
AT THE PRICE OF GOLD, I HOPE YOU CAREFULLY REMEMBER WHERE YOUR TEETH LAND.
[ Grunts .]
[ Screams .]
GET ME THE MANAGER! - DO I DO THE SAME TO YOU, OR DO YOU GET THE IDEA? - HE JUST BROKE THE DOOR DOWN! COME ON.
[ Woman .]
YES! YES! I WON'T STAY HERE ANOTHER MINUTE WITH ALL THIS STUFF GOING ON.
NO, I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT! - [ Hammer Cocks .]
- NO, THIS IS A DIFFERENT SEX MANIAC! [ Screams, Gasps .]
EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.
OH, IT'S YOU AGAIN.
I'D, UH, GET THIS DOOR FIXED.
WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO? [ Continues .]
[ Patrons Exclaiming .]
HEY, YOU OWE ME FOR THAT, PAL! DON'T JUST SIT THERE.
HELP ME.
WHOA! [ All Shouting .]
[ Tires Screeching .]
JOE! COME BACK HERE! [ Grunting .]
[ Siren Wails .]
NOT THE MOUTH! NOT THE MOUTH! NOT THE BEAUTIFUL SMILE! HOLD IT! GLAD TO, OFFICER.
GLAD TO.
HE'S ALL YOURS.
WHAT'S THIS? IT'S A FUGITIVE WARRANT.
I SEE WE GOT OUR MAN.
YEAH, WE DID.
YEAH, OKAY.
OFFICER, HE'S ALL YOURS.
NO, YOU'RE WRONG.
HE'S ALL YOURS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WOULDN'T YOU GUYS LIKE A NICE FUGITIVE COLLAR FOR YOUR RECORD? THERE'S NO COLLAR IN THIS FOR US, MR.
BOUNTY HUNTER.
SEE, WE ARRESTED HIM ONCE BEFORE AND THE COURT LET HIM GO.
HE'S YOUR PROPERTY.
YOU CAN SPEND YOUR NIGH SHUFFLING HIM BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE COURTHOUSE AND JAIL.
COME ON, NELSON.
LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
JOE, I'M GONNA GET YOU FOR THIS.
'CAUSE I GOT A 5:00 CALL IN THE MORNING.
LET ME TURN MYSELF IN.
I DIDN'T HIT DOC RYDER.
IT WAS THOSE TWO DUDES, MAN.
THEM BIG DUDES.
NO, BUT IT WAS YOU WHO RAN OUT ON YOUR HEARING.
YOU SAW 'EM.
YOU CHASED 'EM OFF.
WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IN MY PLACE? GIVE ME A BREAK, COLT.
LET ME TURN MYSELF IN.
IF I DON'T, THEY'RE GONNA LOCK ME UP FOR A LONG TIME.
WEEKS AND WEEKS.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO.
I'LL HOLD THAT BIG CADILLAC OF YOURS UNTIL YOU CLEAR YOURSELF WITH THE COURT.
BUT I'M ONLY DOING I TO SPARE MYSELF FROM SHUFFLING PAPERS ALL NIGHT.
OTHERWISE, I'D LET YOU SI AND SPIN FOR RUNNING OUT ON ME.
LISTEN.
YOU'RE A REAL FRIEND.
AND I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
KID, GIVE HIM A RIDE DOWNTOWN.
IN HIS CAR.
RIGHT, PARTNER.
OH, LOOK, IS THERE ANY HURRY IN GETTING BACK TO YOUR PLACE? THAT LITTLE LADY ACROSS THE STREE SEEMED REAL FRIENDLY, AND I FIGURED IT'D BE GOOD TO START MAKING LOCAL CONTACTS.
YEAH, WELL, JUST DON'T WAKE ME WHEN YOU COME IN ALONE.
WHAT IS IT, FELLAS? WE WANT COUNTRY JOE.
YOU FOLLOWED THE WRONG VEHICLE.
HE'S IN THE OTHER ONE.
RIGHTEOUS TOLD ME HE SAW YOU CUFF HIM AND PUT HIM IN THE TRUCK.
WHILE HE WAS TELLIN' YOU THAT, I UNCUFFED HIM AND HE LEFT IN HIS OWN CAR.
SO WOULD YOU MIND GOING HOME SO I COULD GET SOME SLEEP? WELL, WE'D LIKE TO SEE FOR OURSELVES.
BE MY GUEST.
OH, MR.
SEAVERS, IF YOU LOOK THROUGH THAT SIDE WINDOW, YOU'LL NOTICE RIGHTEOUS THERE HAS A GUN POINTED AT YOU.
NO HARD FEELINGS, UH, FROM EARLIER TONIGHT, I HOPE.
NOW, IF YOU'LL BE GOOD ENOUGH TO STEP DOWN AND LEAVE YOUR GUN ON THE SEAT.
YOU'RE THE MANAGER.
- NOW, WHERE'S COUNTRY JOE? - HE'S TURNING HIMSELF IN.
- YOU DON'T EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT.
- IT'S CALLED HONESTY.
I MEAN, YOU SHOULD BE PLEASED.
IT'S HARD TO BOOK A GUY WHEN YOU CAN'T USE HIS REAL NAME.
SMART BOY.
SHOW HIM HOW WE HANDLE SMART BOYS.
[ Groaning .]
[ Classical .]
[ Punches Landing .]
[ Groaning Continues .]
[ Punches Continue Landing .]
[ Groaning Continues .]
[ Punch Lands .]
[ Body Thuds .]
- [ Colt Groans .]
- [ Stops .]
NOW THEN, MR.
SEAVERS, ARE WE READY FOR A LITTLE MORE CANDOR? [ Groaning .]
JUST WHAT DID COUNTRY JOE PAY YOU OR TRADE YOU TO LET HIM GO? HIS WORD.
HOW MUCH DID HE TELL YOU? AND WHAT DID HE PROMISE YOU TO TURN HIM LOOSE? LOOK, WHAT DO YOU WANT? YOU DON'T JUST DO THIS FOR SOME SMALL-TIME COUNTRY SINGER.
WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
[ Groaning .]
GET RID OF MR.
SEAVERS.
DON'T MAKE IT ANY EASIER ON THE POLICE THAN WE HAVE TO.
USE HIS OWN GUN.
YOU WON'T HAVE TO GET RID OF THAT FINE PIECE OF YOURS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU DON'T JUST CUT A MAN DOWN WITH HIS OWN GUN.
WHAT KIND OF GUYS ARE YOU? [ Shouts .]
DUMP THE GUN.
GOOD NIGHT, SUCKER.
[ Engine Starts .]
I GUESS I HAD TO SPEND HALF THE NIGHT HELPING YOU TURN YOURSELF IN.
YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO MAKE A GUY FEEL BAD, DON'T YOU? - DIDN'T YOU HAVE EYES ON THAT LADY BACK AT THE CLUB? - THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER LADY.
- RIGHT? - WRONG.
LISTEN.
I PUT YOU AND COL THROUGH ENOUGH ALREADY.
THANK COLT FOR GIVING ME THIS CHANCE.
IF I WERE YOU, I'D GO BACK AND CHECK THAT LADY OU AT THE PALOMINO.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
[ Rings .]
- HELLO.
- HI, BABY.
- OH, JOE, WHERE ARE YOU? - I'M AT THE JAIL.
I'M TURNING MYSELF IN.
WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE ARE YOU IN? THERE'S SOME MEN OUTSIDE.
THEY'RE THERE RIGHT NOW.
- WELL, I GOTTA TURN MYSELF IN.
- NO, YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA TOWN.
NOW, LOOK, THOSE MEN ARE LOOKING FOR YOU, AND THEY TOLD ME TO TELL YOU THAT THEY'RE GONNA KILL ME AND THE BABY.
NOW, WHAT IS IT THEY WANT? WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE ARE YOU MIXED UP IN? HEY, I CAN'T TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
PACK UP SOME THINGS, TAKE THE BABY AND GO TO YOUR MOTHER'S HOUSE.
I'LL SEE YOU THERE A LITTLE LATER.
NO, JOE, WAIT.
L-- Y-YOU GOTTA GET HELP.
YOU-- [ Click, Buzzing .]
JOE? JOE? [ Whistling .]
COLT! YO, COLT! HEY, COLT, AREN'T YOU UP YET? COLT! HEY! DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? [ Moaning .]
LORD ALMIGHTY.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? - THEY LEFT ME FOR DEAD.
WELL, YOU LOOK IT.
DID YOU CALL THE POLICE? DON'T ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS.
- COLT, I THINK WE OUGHTA GET YOU TO A DOCTOR.
- MM-MMM.
WE GOTTA GET TO THE STUDIO.
JODY'S MAKING A JUMP THIS MORNING.
- SHE MUST BE GOING CRAZY.
- WHAT HAPPENED? WHY? TAKE MY WORD FOR IT-- THE LESS YOU KNOW, THE BETTER.
[ Rings .]
- HELLO.
- ALL RIGHT, COLT.
I'LL GIVE YOU EXACTLY 10 SECONDS TO TELL ME WHAT YOU DID WITH COUNTRY JOE.
- WHAT I DID WITH HIM? - THE BAILIFF GOT A CALL THAT YOU HAD JOE IN CUSTODY AND YOU WERE BRINGING HIM IN.
HE NEVER SHOWED.
NOW, WHAT HAPPENED? I HAVEN'T GOT TIME TO EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW, BUT IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION, I'VE GOT HIS CAR.
- THAT SHOULD PAY FOR HIS BOND.
- YOU HAVE HIS CAR? OH, COLT.
HOW COULD I HAVE DOUBTED YOU? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? I JUST DID.
I'LL GET IT IN TO YOU BEFORE THE END OF THE DAY, BUT I GOTTA RUN RIGHT NOW.
YOU MEAN THAT SON OF A GUN WENT BACK ON HIS WORD? SHOCKING, AIN'T IT? AT LEAST WE GOT HIS CAR.
THAT'LL PAY FOR SOAPY AND THE BOND.
COLT, HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT COUNTRY JOE'S CAR IS PAID FOR? 'CAUSE I WAS WITH HIM WHEN HE BOUGHT IT WHILE I WAS WORKING WITH HIM ON A TV SHOW.
WELL, WHERE IS IT, KID? IT WAS RIGHT HERE! COLT, I SWEAR IT WAS RIGHT THERE LESS THAN 15 MINUTES AGO.
COLT, I DROVE IT UP HERE AND PARKED IT MYSELF.
I MEAN, HEY, A CAR DOESN'T JUS UP AND WALK AWAY.
COME ON, COLT.
SAY SOMETHING.
KID, IF YOU THINK YOU FEEL BAD THIS MORNIN', YOU OUGHTA TRY MAKIN' A SMILE THROUGH THIS FACE OF MINE.
I CAN IMAGINE.
LOOK, I'M NOT CHANGING MY MIND ABOUT WORKIN' WITH YOU OR ANYTHING.
BUT DO YOU GET BEAT UP LIKE THIS OFTEN? NO, I USUALLY BREEZE THROUGH SLICK AS A WHISTLE USING STUNTS I'VE LEARNED IN THE MOVIES.
WELL, WHAT WENT WRONG LAST NIGHT? NOTHING.
PRACTICALLY WENT PERFECT.
THAT'S HOW YOU LOOK AFTER AN ALMOST PERFECT NIGHT? KID, STUNTMEN LIVE BY A RULE OF THUMB.
ANY STUN THEY CAN WALK AWAY FROM, THEY'RE A WINNER.
YEAH, MAYBE, BUT I DON'T SEE HOW YOU'RE GONNA DO ANY WORK THIS MORNING.
WELL, I'M NO STUNTING THIS MORNING.
I'M GAFFING A FALL FOR JODY.
JODY'S A STUNTMAN, TOO? GONNA BE THE BES ONE OF THESE DAYS.
[ Jody On Radio .]
BREAKER, BREAKER.
CALLING FALL GUY.
FALL GUY, DO YOU READ? YEAH, JODY, THIS IS FALL GUY.
SORRY I'M LATE.
WHAT'S YOUR STATUS? CAN THEY SHOOT AROUND YOU? I SHOULDN'T BE TOO MUCH LONGER.
[ Jody .]
I'M GONNA HAVE TO GO WITHOUT YOU.
- [ Colt .]
IS EVERYTHING SET UP JUST LIKE I SAID? - NOT EXACTLY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? EITHER IT IS OR IT ISN'T.
- THE DIRECTOR WANTS THE JUMP TO GO THROUGH AN AWNING.
- WELL, FORGET IT.
COLT, IF I DON'T DO IT, THEY'RE GONNA GET SOMEBODY ELSE.
I CAN'T LET YOU WRECK MY CAREER.
WRECK IT? I'M THE ONE THAT'S TRYING TO HELP YOU GET IT STARTED.
- NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO BE MAKING IT ON MY OWN.
- AW, THAT LITTLE RUNT! WE GOTTA GET OVER THERE QUICK.
[ Big Jack On Phone .]
MR.
CRAMER? OH, YOU'RE STILL THERE.
[ Laughs .]
OF COURSE I'M HERE, MRS.
JACK.
WHERE ELSE WOULD I GO? I'M JUST CHECKING.
UM, I HAVE TO SEE YOU.
UM, I HAVE SOME NEW PAPERS FOR YOU TO SIGN AND, UM, I'LL NEED SOME MORE MONEY.
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
- MR.
CRAMER, THE BOY DIED.
THE CHARGES HAVE BEEN RAISED TO MANSLAUGHTER, AND THIS MAKES THE BOND A LOT HIGHER.
OH, UH-- GIVE ME THREE HOURS TO WIRE FOR MONEY.
THEN I'LL BE HERE ALL AFTERNOON AND ALL EVENING.
ALL RIGHT, FINE.
THANK YOU.
[ Whispers .]
JESUS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M DOING WHA YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO.
PACKING TO GET OUT OF HERE.
HERE'S $500.
YOU GO ON DOWN TO FLORIDA, WHERE YOU HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME, TILL THIS THING BLOWS OVER.
I CAN'T GO TO FLORIDA.
I GAVE MY NAME TO THE POLICE AS A WITNESS, AND I PROMISED I'D SHOW UP IN COURT.
UH, LOOK, HERE'S, UH, $1,500.
I DON'T WANT TO EVER SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN.
[ Woman .]
WE'RE ALL SET, JODY.
COLT CALLED FOR DOUBLE BAGS, TWICE THAT AREA.
THAT WOULD OVERHANG THE AWNING AND RUIN THE DIRECTOR'S SHOT.
HOW MUCH LONGER BEFORE WE GET GOING? I'D SAY ABOUT TWO MINUTES AT MOST.
WE'RE GONNA ROLL IN ABOUT TWO MINUTES.
OKAY, STAND BY FOR THE JUMP.
WHICH LINE DOES SHE COME DOWN ON? SAM, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? SHOOTING A MOVIE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M SAVING YOUR TAIL AND JODY'S.
BECAUSE IF THIS IS THE NEW JUMP, JODY AIN'T MAKIN' IT.
IT'S ALL BEEN CHECKED OUT.
DIANA SAID IT'S SAFE.
SHE WANTS TO PLEASE YOU, SAM.
AND YOU WON'T BE PLEASED.
THESE AIR BAGS ARE TOO CLOSE TO THE BUILDING.
THE ARC FROM THAT HEIGH WILL CARRY HER RIGHT INTO YOUR CAMERA.
COLT, COME HERE, WILL YA! WHAT ARE YA GONNA DO? I'VE GOT TWO QUALIFIED STUNTMEN ARGUING OVER THE SAME STUNT.
I'M GOING WITH THE ONE I HIRED.
DIANA, COLT SEAVERS SAYS THE STUN ISN'T GAFFED RIGHT.
WELL, I'LL DO IT MYSELF AND PROVE HE'S WRONG.
NO, I'LL DO IT! TOO BAD.
- YOU'VE JUST BEEN FIRED.
- WHAT? I'LL BE READY IN A FEW MINUTES, BY THE TIME YOU FINISH THE SETUP.
HOLD IT.
GET OUT OF HERE, COLT! - WHAT'S GOING ON UP THERE? - SAM, CAN YOU HEAR ME? COLT, GET OFF THAT ROOF! NOW! NOT UNTIL WE SETTLE A LITTLE BET.
WHAT'S HE DOING UP THERE? I'M GONNA LET THIS LIGHT STAND TAKE A FREE FALL STRAIGHT DOWN.
IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, YOU STAY RIGHT THERE WHERE ALL THOSE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS' WORTH OF EQUIPMENT ARE.
WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT? I THINK HE'S GONNA DROP THAT LAMP.
COLT, YOU DROP THAT THING ON ME AND I'LL RUN YOU OUT OF TOWN.
IS THAT YOUR FINAL WORD? ANYBODY MOVES, THEY LEAVE THE LOT RIGHT ALONG WITH THIS GRANDSTAND COWBOY.
YEAH, COLT, THAT'S MY FINAL WORD.
I WAS AFRAID IT WOULD BE.
HE'S CRAZY.
HE'S GONNA DROP IT.
[ All Chattering .]
[ Man .]
THERE'S NO WAY I'M STAYING! [ Woman Screams .]
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY TAKE A-- A SHORT BREAK, HUH? TAKE FIVE! TELL COLT, UH, I'D LIKE TO BUY HIM A DRINK IN MY TRAILER.
ALL RIGHT? [ Knocking .]
HELLO.
HELLO.
I'M LOOKING FOR A MR.
CRAMER.
OH, THERE'S NO ONE REGISTERED IN THIS ROOM.
I'M GETTING IT READY FOR THE NEW GUESTS.
OH.
HELLO, I'M TRYING TO FIND A MR.
JOHN CRAMER.
HAS HE CHANGED ROOMS? OH, HE CHECKED OUT.
THANK YOU.
HI, IT'S SAMANTHA.
PULL THE PLUG ON CRAMER.
HE SKIPPED.
OH.
FIND COLT SEAVERS AND TELL HIM TO MEET ME IN MY OFFICE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
YOU RIDE OKAY, KID.
I SPENT SIX MONTHS STUDYING CAVALRY AT WEST POINT.
OH, YEAH, I FORGOT.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW THAT YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED? WHAT I ALWAYS DO WHEN I RUN OUT OF STUNT WORK.
HI, BIG JACK.
HI, COLT.
COME SIT DOWN.
WHO'S YOUR FRIEND? OH, A RELATIVE.
HOWIE MUNSON, SAMANTHA JACK.
HELLO.
I SOMETIMES CALL HER SOAPY-- HER LIFE IS ONE CONTINUOUS SOAP OPERA.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S THE SOB STORY THIS TIME? WELL, A GUY RAN DOWN A KID AND THEY GOT HIM ON A HIT-AND-RUN CHARGE.
LITTLE BOY ON A BICYCLE, AND THE MAN WAS APPARENTLY DRUNK.
THAT WOULDN'T BE THE ONE ON YUCCA NEAR GOWER? - HOW'D YOU KNOW? - WE SAW IT.
WHY DID YOU GO TO BA FOR A GUY WHO'D RUN DOWN A KID? BECAUSE HE WAS SOBER BY THE TIME I GOT TO HIM, AND HE CONVINCED ME THA HE WAS A LAW-ABIDING CITIZEN.
ORIGINALLY, HIS BAIL WAS ONLY $15,000 AND THE MAN, CRAMER, PAID ME HIS FEE IN CASH-- 1,500-- AND HE GAVE ME ARIZONA REFERENCES THAT MADE HIM SOLID GOLD.
THEN THE KID DIED.
- HE DIED? - I'M AFRAID SO.
THEN THEY RAISED THE AMOUNT OF BAIL BECAUSE OF THE NEW MANSLAUGHTER CHARGE.
I PHONED CRAMER AT THE HOTEL, AND HE AGREED TO THE HIGHER FEE.
I COVERED THE BAIL, HAD NEW PAPERS DRAWN UP, BUT WHEN I GOT TO THE HOTEL, HE'D ALREADY CHECKED OUT.
YOU MEAN YOU PAID HIS BAIL BEFORE YOU GOT HIS MONEY? JACK, YOU ALWAYS MANAGE TO LIVE UP TO YOUR NICKNAME.
SHE FALLS FOR EVERY SOB STORY.
I DON'T SEE HOW YOU STAY IN BUSINESS.
MY FATHER WOULDN'T HAVE HANDLED THIS ONE ANY DIFFERENTLY.
BESIDES, HE WAS STAYING AT THE BEVERLY HILLS HOTEL.
THE PRESIDENTIAL SUITE.
LOOK, NEEDLESS TO SAY, I'M OUT OVER $100,000 IF I DON'T PRODUCE HIM.
I'LL PAY YOU 10,000 TO GO AND GET HIM.
YOU SURE THAT THERE'S NOTHING ABOUT THIS CRAMER FELLA THAT YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME? - COLT, THERE IS NO CATCH.
- OH, YES, THERE IS.
THERE HAS TO BE.
A SOLID-GOLD CITIZEN JUST RUNS OUT ON A BOND.
- HE'S GOTTA KNOW YOU'RE GONNA COME AFTER HIM.
- WELL, SOME PEOPLE PANIC.
THEY'RE NOT AS BRAVE AS YOU.
HERE IT COMES.
I'M SERIOUS! FACING A MANSLAUGHTER CHARGE WAS APPARENTLY TOO MUCH FOR HIM.
WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO SUSPICIOUS? BECAUSE I KNOW YOU.
YOU ALWAYS LEAVE SOME LITTLE SURPRISE FOR AFTER I'VE TAKEN THE JOB.
COLT, YOU DESERVE A SIMPLE ONE FOR A CHANGE.
CAN'T YOU ACCEPT THAT? YOU'RE SURE HE'S NEVER BEEN ARRESTED OR SHOT HIS BROTHER-IN-LAW OR HIS DOG? EVEN IF IT NEVER GOT TO COUR OR WAS ACQUITTED? I CAN PERSONALLY GUARANTEE YOU THAT THIS MAN HAS NEVER BEEN ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE LAW.
HERE'S YOUR EXPENSE MONEY AND PHOTOGRAPH.
GOOD LUCK.
YOU KNOW, BIG JACK, THIS TIME I THINK YOU MADE A BAD DEAL.
WHY? 'CAUSE I'D HAVE GONE AFTER THIS GUY FOR NOTHIN'.
[ Fingers Snapping .]
THEY'LL NEVER MAKE ME PRESIDENT BUT I GO THE BEST FIRST LADIES SOME DAYS I'VE GOT 'EM AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE OOH-WEE A MORNING DIVE WITH JACKIE SMITH I CRASH IN THE NIGH WITH CHERYL BUT IN THE END THEY NEVER STAY WITH ME I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDING SO BURT REYNOLDS DON'T GET HURT I MIGHT LEAP A MIGHTY CANYON SO HE CAN KISS AND FLIRT WHILE THAT SMOOTH TALKER'S KISSIN' MY GIRL I'M JUST KISSIN' DIRT YES I'M THE LONELY STUNTMAN THAT MADE A LOVER OUT OF BURT [ Women Vocalizing .]
[ Ends .]
YOU KNOW, I GOT A FUNNY FEELIN' ABOUT THIS CASE.
WHY? ANYONE WHO CARRIES LOTS OF CASH AND STAYS A THE BEVERLY HILLS HOTEL MUST BE A PRETTY HIGH-PROFILE KIND OF A GUY.
I'M WORRIED BECAUSE SOAPY OFFERED $10,000.
SHE USUALLY STARTS AT 2,500.
MEANING SHE KNOWS SOMETHING ABOUT THIS GUY CRAMER SHE HASN'T TOLD US? WHAT COULD IT BE? UH-OH.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER? - CRAMER FEED AND GRAIN.
CRAMER REAL ESTATE.
AH, CRAMER FURNITURE.
- WELL, ONE GOOD THING.
- WHAT'S THAT? HE SHOULD BE A SNAP TO FIND.
WELL, IT COULD BE REAL DICEY TRYING TO PICK UP THE GUY THAT OWNS THIS TOWN.
WE BETTER MAKE SOME FRIENDS.
LET'S GO.
[ Country .]
[ People Chattering .]
WELL, DON'T BE WORRIED 'BOUT BEIN' IN A HURRY WITH LONG-TERM PLANS JUST KEEP THINKIN' WHILE WE KEEP DRINKIN' YOU'RE A WOMAN AND I'M A MAN WELL, YOU BOYS MUST BE NEW IN TOWN.
THAT'S RIGHT.
[ Continues .]
WHAT IS IT EVERYBODY'S DRINKING OUT OF THOSE TALL PITCHERS? HOUSE SPECIALTY.
SANGRIA.
THE BEST IN THE SOUTHWEST.
FULL OF FRESH FRUI AND GUARANTEED TO KNOCK YOUR HAT OFF.
- WOW, THAT SOUNDS GREAT! - YEAH, WELL, LET'S GO FOR IT.
OKAY.
UH, EXCUSE ME.
WE'RE FRIENDS OF MR.
JOHN CRAMER.
DOES HE EVER COME AROUND? I'LL GET YOUR ORDER.
- BOY, DID YOU TURN HER OFF.
- YOU THINK IT WAS ME? ACTUALLY, I THINK SHE KIND OF LIKED ME.
- HI THERE.
- YOU TALKIN' TO ME? JUST BEIN' FRIENDLY.
WE DON'T LIKE FRIENDS OF BIG JOHN CRAMER AROUND HERE.
IN FACT, WE'D LIKE TO SEE YOU LEAVE.
BUT WE JUST ORDERED A BIG PITCHER-- OKAY, PAL.
I'M SORRY YOU DID THAT.
[ Men Chuckling .]
REALLY, REALLY SORRY.
- [ Groans .]
- [ Men Shouting, Grunting .]
[ Woman Screaming .]
COLT! HELP ME! I'M COMIN'! COLT! HUH? HOW'D WE GE INTO THIS MESS? IT SEEMED TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH MENTIONING BIG JOHN CRAMER.
I REALIZE I'M JUST A JUNIOR PARTNER, BUT MAY I MAKE A SUGGESTION? THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE GONNA LEARN.
WHAT IS IT? LET'S GET OUTTA HERE! FOR YOUR FIRST SUGGESTION, KID, THAT'S EXCELLENT.
REALLY EXCELLENT.
LET'S GO.
[ Continues .]
[ Shouting, Grunting Continues .]
WHAT HAPPENED? IT'S A NEW DANCE.
EVERYBODY'S DOIN' IT.
WE'LL BE BACK WHEN THEY'RE PLAYING SOMETHING SLOWER.
WHAT'D YOU MAKE OF THAT? I THINK WE PICKED THE WRONG GUY IN TOWN TO ASK ABOUT BIG JOHN CRAMER.
WELL, UH, WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK, MARYLOU.
THANK YOU, MR.
LOGAN.
BYE-BYE.
I WONDER IF YOU COULD HELP US.
WELL, I'D CERTAINLY BE HAPPY TO TRY.
HOW MIGHT WE FIND, UH, BIG JOHN CRAMER? WE'RE OLD FRIENDS OF HIS.
WELL, AT LEAST WE KNOW EVERYONE'S HEARD OF CRAMER.
ACTED MORE LIKE HE KNOWS WHAT CRAMER DID.
IF THAT'S TRUE, THIS JOB'S GONNA BE A PIECE OF CAKE.
EVERYBODY IN TOWN'LL BE STANDING IN LINE WITH CLUBS TO HELP US LOAD HIM INTO THE TRUCK.
COLT, HOW ABOUT LETTING ME HANDLE THIS ONE? I THINK SHE TOOK A LIKING TO ME.
I'LL PROBABLY GE MORE INFORMATION OUT OF HER.
SHE'S ALL YOURS.
UH, EXCUSE ME, MISS! EXCUSE ME, MISS.
WE JUST PULLED INTO TOWN.
WE'RE LOOKING FOR A MAN WHO GOES BY THE NAME OF BIG JOHN CRAMER.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY THE JAIL? HUH? - [ Engine Starts .]
- TRY THE JAIL! AAAH! OHH! OH! OH! YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING-- I WOULD'VE HANDLED I MUCH DIFFERENT.
DON'T LOOK SO SMUG! I FOUND OUT ONE THING, DIDN'T I? WHAT'S THAT? OUR TROUBLES ARE OVER.
THEY NOT ONLY KNOW WHAT THAT MISERABLE MAN CRAMER DID, THEY'VE ALREADY GOT HIM LOCKED UP IN JAIL.
NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS FIND OUT WHERE THE JAIL IS.
UH-HUH.
THERE YOU GO AGAIN WITH THAT SULLEN, PESSIMISTIC ATTITUDE.
YOU KNOW, I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT.
I TOOK CLOSE TO A YEAR OF PSYCHOLOGY AT PENN STATE.
NEVER MIND PENN STATE.
THIS WOMAN LOOKS AT LEAS LIKE A REASONABLE PERSON.
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.
WE'RE STRANGERS IN TOWN.
WELL, HOW NICE.
WE'RE LOOKING FOR THE JAIL.
REALLY? WHY? YOU NEW DEPUTIES OR SOMETHING? SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
WE'RE HERE ON ACCOUN OF, UH, BIG JOHN CRAMER.
YOU'RE PROBABLY GLAD TO HEAR THAT, I BET.
WHY SHOULD I BE GLAD TO HEAR ANYTHING FROM ANYBODY WHO'S ASSOCIATING WITH THAT EGG-SUCKING FERRET? GET OUT OF MY WAY! MA'AM! OH! GET OFF OF ME, YOU ANIMAL! GET OFF OF ME! GET OFF OF ME! ANIMAL! LEAVE ME ALONE! OH! NO, I'M ALL RIGHT.
NO, I'M FINE.
I'M FINE.
THEY'RE WITH BIG JOHN CRAMER.
THEY JUST GOT INTO TOWN.
THEY'RE WORKING FOR HIM.
TWO MORE OF 'EM COME TO RIP US OFF.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
IT'S AS IF HE HASN'T DONE ENOUGH TO THIS TOWN.
YOU GET OUT OF THIS TOWN! YOU DON'T BELONG HERE! GET OUT OF OUR TOWN! WHY DON'T WE TRY TO FIND THE JAIL ON OUR OWN? GOOD IDEA.
THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
YOU OKAY? YEAH, JUST MINOR ABRASIONS.
I'LL CHECK 'EM OUT LATER.
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS AT OHIO STATE, I TOOK A YEAR OF PREMED.
PREMED.
I KNOW.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YA? UH, I SLIPPED ON A BANANA PEEL.
UH-HUH.
JUST WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU BOYS? YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP US.
WE'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE.
IS THIS SOME KIND OF QUIZ, OR DOES THIS SOMEONE HAVE A NAME? [ Colt .]
BIG JOHN CRAMER.
YOU'VE GOT BUSINESS WITH BIG JOHN? [ Whispering .]
COLT! IN A WAY.
- COLT! - LOOK, BOYS, I'M ONLY GONNA ASK YOU ONCE MORE.
STATE YOUR NAMES, YOUR PLACE OF BUSINESS AND YOUR REASON FOR WANTIN' TO TALK TO SHERIFF CRAMER.
IS SOMETHING EATIN' YOU? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M-- YOU SAY SHERIFF CRAMER? YOU BOYS ARE NOT ONLY STUPID, YOU'RE DEAF.
NOW, WHY DO YOU WANT TO SEE HIM? - UH, WELL, UH-- - WELL, WHAT? I DON'T THINK BIG JOHN WOULD WANT ME TO TALK IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE.
- TALK ABOUT WHAT? - WELL, I GOT AN IDEA HE MIGHT APPRECIATE.
YOU JUST TELL HIM COLT SEAVERS IS WAITIN' FOR HIM OVER AT THE BAJA CANTINA.
HE'LL UNDERSTAND.
LET'S GO, KID.
- RENFRO! - YO! FRONT AND CENTER.
YEAH.
DID YOU HEAR THAT? HE SAID THE MAN WE'VE COME TO HOG-TIE IS THE SHERIFF.
I HEARD THE MAN.
KEEP MOVING.
WHERE TO? HE OWNS THE COUNTY.
HE'S THE LAW.
WELL, THAT IS A TEMPORARY SETBACK.
TEMPORARY? LOOKS PERMANENT TO ME.
LOOK, KID, I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER ONE THING.
WHAT'S THAT? EVERYTHING ALWAYS LOOKS DARKEST JUST BEFORE IT GOES COMPLETELY BLACK.
[ Phone Ringing .]
HELLO? OH, COLT, DEAR.
HOW'S IT GOING? OH, DON'T GIVE ME "HOW'S IT GOING?" JACK.
YOU FORGOT TO TELL ME THAT CRAMER WAS A SHERIFF.
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE, COLT? HE'S VERY SUBSTANTIAL.
HE OWNS HALF THE TOWN.
OH, IT COULD BE MORE THAN HALF.
WELL, I HAVE ABOUT A HALF A MIND TO GET OUT OF HERE WHILE I STILL CAN.
COLT, WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THERE WERE THREE MEN AFTER COUNTRY JOE? WELL, NOW, JUST HOW IS THAT OUR PROBLEM? HOW'D YOU KNOW THREE GUYS WERE AFTER JOE? WELL, WHEN I CAME IN HERE THIS MORNING, THERE WERE THREE VERY LARGE MEN GOING THROUGH MY FILES.
THEY ASKED ME WHERE THEY COULD FIND COUNTRY JOE, AND WHEN I SAID I WAS LOOKING FOR HIM MYSELF, THEY LEFT.
WELL, JOE WILL JUST HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF TILL WE GE THIS MESS STRAIGHTENED OUT, WHICH I'M NOT SURE I WANNA TAKE ON, CONSIDERING.
COLT, AFTER ALL THE TIMES THAT I'VE HELPED YOU OUT-- WHAT'S A WOMAN ALONE SUPPOSED TO DO? DO YOU WANT ME TO LOSE MY BUSINESS? WOMEN! COLT, WHAT DO YOU THINK THE SHERIFF WILL DO IF HE FINDS OUT WHY WE'RE REALLY HERE? OH, HE'LL HAVE US ESCORTED TO THE COUNTY LINE.
THAT'S ALL? AND THEN HAVE US BURIED UNDER IT.
OH, NO.
HAVEN'T YOU TWO DONE ENOUGH? WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
IN FACT, WE BARELY ESCAPED WITH OUR LIVES.
TABLE FOR TWO? WHY NOT? YOU'LL JUST REPORT US TO YOUR GOOD FRIEND, THE SHERIFF.
COME ON.
LOOK, WE'RE NOT REALLY THAT GOOD OF FRIENDS WITH THE SHERIFF.
FACT IS-- THE FACT IS THAT WE'RE ONLY HERE BECAUSE WE HAVE TO BE.
BUT WE'RE CURIOUS.
WHY DOES EVERYBODY GO CRAZY WHEN WE MENTION HIS NAME? - BECAUSE HE CHEATED JUST ABOU EVERYONE IN THIS TOWN.
- CHEATED? HE FOUND OUT SOME CORPORATIONS WERE GONNA BUILD DEFENSE PLANTS DOWN HERE WHEN THEY USED HIS OFFICES TO RUN SECURITY CHECKS.
HE USED HIS INSIDE INFORMATION TO BUY UP ALL THE LAND, AND THEN PRACTICALLY ALL THE BUSINESSES WITH HIS PROFITS.
- THERE'S MORE THAN A LITTLE RESENTMENT.
- WE NOTICED.
YEAH.
[ Man On Radio .]
HE SAID YOU'D KNOW WHO HE WAS.
I NEVER HEARD OF HIM.
WHAT KIND OF PLATES DID HIS VEHICLE HAVE? CALIFORNIA.
THAT MEAN ANYTHING? TAGGART, I WANT THOSE BOYS PICKED UP, AND I WANT 'EM PICKED UP FAST.
NOBODY'S TO TALK TO 'EM TILL I GET TO THEM.
YOU HEAR? I HEAR.
RENFRO! YO! YO.
GIVE DISPATCH A DESCRIPTION OF THAT VEHICLE.
WE'RE CLOSING DOWN THE COUNTY.
YOU BET.
[ Sirens Wailing .]
INSIDE.
I'LL JUST WAIT OUT HERE FOR YOU, COLT.
BOTH OF YA! ALL RIGHT.
WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE LIAR? WELL, JUDGING FROM THAT HANDSOME PICTURE ON THE WALL OUT THERE, YOU MUST BE SHERIFF CRAMER.
AND YOU'D BE COLT SEAVERS, HUH? - THAT'S RIGHT.
- I NEVER HEARD OF YOU.
WELL, DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT.
I'M USED TO IT.
- YOU'RE USED TO WHAT? - BEING THE UNSUNG HERO.
NEXT, YOU'LL BE TELLING ME YOU DIDN'T GET MY WIRE, WHICH IS OBVIOUS FROM THE WAY THESE CLOWNS OUT THERE HAVE BEEN TREATING ME.
YOU CALLING MY DEPUTIES CLOWNS? YOU BETTER HAVE A STRONG NECK, BOY.
WELL, I HOPE YOU GO A LOT MORE DEPUTIES THAN I'VE SEEN SO FAR.
AND BRIGHTER TOO.
OTHERWISE, I'M-- I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO TAKE MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE.
-COLT, UH-- -QUIET, OR I WON'T BE TAKIN' YOU ON ANY MORE LOCATION SCOUTS.
YOU'RE PROBABLY THE ONE THAT SCREWED THAT TELEGRAM UP TO THE SHERIFF.
NOW, DID YOU SEND THA OR NOT? WELL, I, UH-- HOLD IT! I'M ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE.
WE FOUND THE PROBLEM.
NEPOTISM.
HOLLYWOOD IS CRAWLING WITH IT.
I DON'T SEE HOW WE EVER MADE A MOVIE UNDER $20 MILLION WITH COUSINS LIKE THA RUNNIN' AROUND LOOSE.
WELL, NOT EXACTLY ON THE LOOSE AT THE MOMENT, THANKS TO YOU, SHERIFF.
YOU THINK WE COULD GE THESE HANDCUFFS OFF SO WE COULD GET DOWN TO-- YOU TALK FASTER THAN A PREACHER DURING COLLECTION.
- COME ON.
WHO ARE YOU? - BURT REYNOLDS.
YOU AIN'T BURT REYNOLDS.
TRUE.
SOMETIMES, I'M ROBERT REDFORD.
TAGGART.
YES, SIR.
CALL THE COUNTY KOOK SQUAD.
WE GOT A MAJOR LOONY HERE.
LOOK, SHERIFF, WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU IS THA I'M A MAJOR HOLLYWOOD STUNTMAN, AND I'M HERE TO SET UP A SHOOTING SITE FOR OUR NEXT HIGH-BUDGET MOVIE.
I MEAN, YOU CAN CHECK IT ALL OUT, PROVIDING IT'S WORTH THE EFFORT.
NO POINT IN GETTING INTO BUSINESS, THOUGH, UNTIL I HEAR YOUR TERMS.
- MY TERMS? TERMS FOR WHAT? - TO RENT YOUR DEPARTMENT.
RENT MY DEPARTMENT? I MEAN OFFICERS, PATROL CRUISERS, UNIFORMS-- EVERYTHING WE'LL NEED TO STAGE A REAL HIGH-SPEED CHASE RIGHT THROUGH YOUR COUNTY.
- THROUGH MY COUNTY? - WELL-- OR THE NEXT COUNTY.
COUNTRY PRETTY MUCH LOOKS ALL THE SAME.
I DON'T BELIEVE A WORD YOU'RE SAYIN'.
LOOK, SHERIFF, I-I CAN PROVE WHO I AM.
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS CALL FALL GUY STUNT ASSOCIATION IN HOLLYWOOD.
HOLLYWOOD.
AND I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK THAT I WAS THE DUMB ONE IN THE FAMILY.
SOMETHING BOTHERING YOU? NO, NO.
HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT? HERE I AM WITH THE GREATEST LEGEND EVER TO COME OUT OF PEA FALLS.
A MAN WHO JUMPS HIGH BUILDINGS, LEAPS OUT OF AIRPLANES, CRASHES INTO CONCRETE WALLS.
MY HERO.
AND WHAT HAPPENS ON THE FIRST JOB WE GO ON? I GIVE UP.
WHAT HAPPENS? WE DIE, COLT.
WE DIE LIKE DOGS, GUNNED DOWN IN OUR PRIME.
YOU'RE EVEN SCARING ME.
YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY, COLT, AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY.
I HAVE A PLAN.
A PLAN.
THIS IS SOME PLAN.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY CHECK YOU OUT AND FIND OU WHY WE'RE REALLY HERE? OH, HE'S GONNA CALL THAT NUMBER I GAVE HIM IN LOS ANGELES, AND THEY'RE GONNA TELL HIM I'M A STUNTMAN.
THEN HIS GREED TAKES OVER.
THERE'S NO ONE IN THIS TOWN THAT COULD POSSIBLY TELL HIM WHY WE'RE REALLY HERE.
THAT'S RIGHT, ISN'T IT? THERE'S NO ONE IN THIS TOWN WHO KNOWS WHY WE'RE HERE OR WHAT YOU DO FOR A SIDELINE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
JOE? YEAH? I HOPE WE'RE DOIN' THE RIGHT THING.
WE DON'T HAVE ANY CHOICE.
HONEY, LOOK, COLT SEAVERS IS DOWN HERE ON A BOUNTY HUNT.
NOW, HE'S THE ONE MAN IN THE WHOLE WORLD THA WE CAN TRUST TO SAVE OUR LIVES.
YOU BOYS ARE FREE TO GO.
SHERIFF SAYS HE'LL MEET YOU AT THE BAJA CANTINA AT 8:00 FOR DINNER.
HIS GUESTS.
WELL, YOU TELL THE SHERIFF WE'LL BE THERE.
OKAY.
YEE-HAW! BOY, YOU SURE DO DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN, SHERIFF.
20,000 IT IS.
NOW, YOU PROVIDE ALL 10 OF YOUR POLICE CARS WITH DEPUTIES.
WHOO-HOO! WE'RE GONNA HAVE ONE FINE TIME, HUH? WAIT'LL YOU SEE MY BOYS DRIVE.
- THEY'RE GOOD? - THERE AIN'T NOTHIN' ON WHEELS CAN OUTRUN ONE OF MY DEPUTIES.
- THOUGH A LO OF DEAD MEN HAVE TRIED.
- THAT'S REASSURING.
OH, IT'S GOOD TO KNOW THE LAW IS PREPARED.
WHAT KIND OF FOLKS ARE YOU GONNA HAVE IN THIS HERE PICTURE? I MEAN, BESIDES YOUR "REDWOOD" AND, UH, "EASTFORD.
" OH, YOU MEAN WOMEN.
[ Laughs .]
HE MEANS WOMEN, KID.
WELL, WE GOT, UH-- WE GO ALL THE BEST WOMEN IN AMERICA COMING DOWN FOR THIS ONE, JOHN.
YOU GOT ANY BLONDES? BLONDES.
WELL, LET ME SEE.
DO WE GOT ANY BLONDES IN THIS ONE, KID? I CAN'T THINK OF ANY.
OH! - EXCEPT DOLLY PARTON.
- DOLLY PARTON? - AND FARRAH FAWCETT.
- IS SHE GONNA BE HERE TOO? ANN-MARGRET.
SHE'S SORT OF BLONDE.
- ANN-MARGRET? - AND, UH, CHERYL LADD AND LONI ANDERSON.
NOW, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, KID.
NOW, LET'S SEE.
NO, LONI-- LONI AIN'T FIRM.
LONI ANDERSON AIN'T FIRM? SHE LOOKS REAL GOOD ON THE TV.
- BY THE WAY, SHERIFF, ONE MORE THING ABOUT THE REHEARSAL.
- THE REHEARSAL? YEAH.
WE-- SEE, IT'LL BE NECESSARY TO GATHER ALL YOUR DEPUTIES IN THE COUNTY TOGETHER AT ONCE.
- WHAT FOR? - WELL, UH, DRIVING SKILLS.
I MEAN, I GOTTA JUDGE WHO'S THE BEST, AND WE GOTTA SEE WHO CAN DO WHAT.
WE DON'T WANT TO GE ANYBODY KILLED NOW.
YEAH, YEAH.
UH, WELL, JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU NEED AND WHEN.
WELL, TOMORROW MORNING.
AND WE'LL START RIGHT OU IN FRONT OF THE JAILHOUSE.
IS THERE A CHOPPER IN THIS COUNTY? YOU DIDN'T SAY NOTHING ABOUT A CHOPPER.
OH, WE'LL JUST NEED I TOMORROW MORNING, YOU KNOW, JUST TO JUDGE THE DRIVING.
WHEN WE SHOOT HERE, YOU KNOW, NATURALLY WE'LL BRING OUR OWN.
- CAN YOU DELIVER? - IS A DUCK WATERTIGHT? WELL, GOOD, SHERIFF.
WELL, I GUESS THAT SETTLES ALL THE BUSINESS FOR TONIGHT.
HEY, COLT, AIN'T WE GONNA PARTY? OH, NO.
COME ON, KID.
WE GOTTA TURN IN.
WE GOTTA PLAN OUT OUR STUNTS FOR TOMORROW.
- AW.
- YEAH.
WE DON'T WAN TO INSULT THE LADIES.
- I MEAN, WE CAN'T BE RUDE.
- MAYBE I'M NO MR.
SEAVERS' TYPE.
MAYBE HE HAS A WIFE AND KIDS BACK HOME.
[ Cramer .]
WELL, IF THAT'S A FACT, YOU'RE IN LUCK.
NO OUTSIDE MARRIAGES COUNT IN MY COUNTY.
WE GOT SPECIAL LAWS.
WELL, UH-- COLT! NOREEN, WHAT ARE YOU-- WE FOLLOWED YOU ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE.
- COLT, WE NEED YOU.
- YOU NEED ME? COME ON, LADIES.
THESE FOLKS GOT SOME PERSONAL THINGS TO WORK OUT.
WE'LL HAVE A LITTLE NIGHTCAP OVER AT MY PLACE.
JUST A-- YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT AN ADVANCE.
RIGHT AFTER I JUDGE THE DEPUTIES' DRIVING SKILLS TOMORROW.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
9:00 IN THE MORNING.
WE'LL BE THERE, SHERIFF.
COLT-- COLT, LISTEN.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
HE'S WITH ME.
WE BETTER GET YOU OUT OF HERE.
COME ON.
WAS THAT A POLICE CAR HE DROVE OFF IN? NOREEN, YOU SHOULDN' HAVE COME HERE.
COUNTRY JOE AND I DIDN'T HAVE ANYBODY ELSE TO TURN TO.
COUNTRY JOE? COUNTRY JOE IS DOWN HERE TOO? - [ Colt .]
OH, NO.
- HELLO, COLT.
- I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! - JOE, YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE FAST.
THERE AIN'T NO PLACE FOR ME TO GO.
THEY'RE CHASIN' ME.
WHO? RANDY AND THEM TWO BIG DUDES.
YOU MEAN THEY'RE COMING HERE? MAY I SUGGEST WE GO SOMEPLACE ELSE TO TALK? FOLLOW MY TRUCK.
OKAY.
[ Joe .]
DRUGS.
[ Colt .]
DRUGS? YOU? I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
NO, NOT ME.
THE DUDES THAT WERE TRYING TO MUSCLE IN ON MANAGING ME.
SEE, THEY WERE USING MY TOURING BUS AT CONCERTS TO DISTRIBUTE THE DRUGS AROUND THE COUNTRY.
THEY ALWAYS SHOW UP AT MY GIG, YOU KNOW.
THEY WERE ALL FRIENDLY AND SMILING AND-- IT WAS NO WONDER.
THEY WERE STASHING AWAY ALL KINDS OF THINGS IN THE PANEL OF HIS BIG BUS.
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND MY MISTAKE WAS ACCIDENTALLY FINDING THE DRUGS.
WHEN I FOUND 'EM, I GOT RID OF 'EM, OF COURSE.
NO WONDER THEY'RE CHASING YOU.
BUT YOU TOLD 'EM WHAT YOU'D DONE WITH IT.
YOU THINK THEY BELIEVED ME? I WENT TO MY MANAGER AND TOLD HIM WHAT WAS HAPPENING.
SO HE CONFRONTED THEM AND TOLD THEM TO LET ME ALONE OR HE'D CALL THE POLICE.
- SO THEY BEAT HIM UP.
- AND THEY USED MY NAME A LOT TOO, SEE? AND HIS WIFE HEARD IT.
THAT'S WHY SHE HAD ME PUT IN JAIL.
WHICH WAS FINE, 'CAUSE I WOULD BE SAFE THERE.
BUT, SEE, NOREEN DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON, SO SHE CAME AND BAILED ME OUT.
THAT'S WHY I WAS A THE PALOMINO CLUB TRYING TO RAISE ME A STAKE TO GET ME AND HER AND THE KID OUT OF TOWN.
THAT'S WHEN I SHOWED UP.
BOY, AND DID YOU SAVE MY LIFE, COLT.
'CAUSE THAT WAS PAYOFF NIGHT, AND THEY WERE GONNA GET THEIR DRUGS, OR THEY WERE GONNA TAKE ME AND NOREEN AND THE KID OU AND WASTE US.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? AT LEAST I COULD'VE GOTTEN SOME HELP.
COMIN' DOWN HERE WAS THE WORST THING YOU COULD'VE DONE.
YOU'RE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A WAR ZONE.
WELL, CAN'T WE GO TO THE LOCAL SHERIFF FOR PROTECTION? GREAT IDEA.
NEXT.
JOE, I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT YOU STUMBLED INTO HERE, BUT YOU GOTTA LEAVE.
BUT I CAN'T.
THEY'RE CHASING ME.
THEY'RE ONLY HALF A DAY BEHIND ME.
COLT, IF THOSE GUYS PULL INTO TOWN-- YEAH, I KNOW.
LOOK, WE'LL HANDLE YOUR FRIENDS, BUT YOU GOTTA GET BACK ON THE ROAD, AND DON'T STOP.
- BUT WHERE? WHERE DO I GO? - GO SOUTH, THEN CUT OVER.
TAKE THE INTERSTATE BACK TO L.
A.
- AND THEN YOU GO STRAIGHT TO SOAPY.
- ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN HOLD 'EM? IF YOU HAD ANYBODY ELSE YOU COULD TRUST, WOULD YOU HAVE DRIVEN YOUR FAMILY THIS FAR? I LOVE YOU FOR THIS, MAN, AND I WON'T FORGET IT, BELIEVE ME.
ONE LAST QUESTION.
IT MIGHT MAKE THE DIFFERENCE WHETHER ANY OF US GET OUT OF THIS COUNTY ALIVE.
HOW DID YOU FIND ME? NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHERE I WAS.
THROUGH YOUR ANSWERING SERVICE.
I CALLED 'EM, AND THEY SAID YOU WERE DOWN HERE.
THEY SAID I COULD REACH YOU THROUGH THE LOCAL SHERIFF.
WHO'D BE DUMB ENOUGH TO-- COLT, YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HAVING TO BE INCOGNITO DOWN HERE.
I THOUGH WE'D BE WORKING CLOSELY WITH THE LOCAL SHERIFF, AND SO I LEFT THE NUMBER IN CASE MY MOTHER-- YOUR MOTHER? I'LL CANCEL IT.
JOE, WHAT DID YOU TELL THE SHERIFF? WELL, I NEVER REALLY SAW HIM.
I WAS ON MY WAY TO HIS OFFICE, AND THEN I SPOTTED YOUR TRUCK.
[ Sighs .]
WELL, YOU'D BETTER GET GOING.
WE GOT A LOT TO DO IF WE'RE GONNA INTERCEPT YOUR FRIENDS.
YOU GOT IT.
WELL, WE'RE KIND OF BUSY DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW.
CAN'T YOU KEEP THAT CA LOCKED UP OR SOMETHIN'? PIECE OF CAKE.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
YOU'RE GONNA BREAK YOUR NECK GOIN' UP, OR YOU'RE GONNA GET SHOT COMIN' OUT.
GEEZ, HAVE A LITTLE FAITH, WILL YA? IT'S WHAT I DO FOR A LIVIN', REMEMBER? YOU STAY PUT.
YEP.
I FIGURE I'M GONNA BUY ME THAT NEW SHOTGUN.
MY WIFE'S MOTHER WANTS A NEW SET OF DRAPES.
WHAT? YEAH.
NEW SET OF DRAPES.
YOU JUST BOUGHT HER SOME FUZZY SLIPPERS.
MAN, THAT DON'T MAKE NO DIFFERENCE.
I BELIEVE SHE'S TAKIN' ADVANTAGE OF YOU.
LET ME HAVE SOME OF THAT LIZARD SWEA SHE CALLS COFFEE.
- YOU BETTER BE GLAD YOU'RE GETTIN' ANYTHING.
- JUST LET ME HAVE A SWIG OF IT.
I'LL BE GLAD WHEN THIS NIGHT'S OVER.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
HEY! [ Phone Ringing .]
SHERIFF'S OFFICE.
- TEN MILES.
- SAY WHAT? SIGN BACK THERE SAID 10 MORE MILES.
THAT'S THEM.
ARE YOU SURE? HOW COULD I FORGET? THEY KILLED ME.
UH-OH.
YOU BETTER SLOW DOWN.
- I'M NOT SPEEDING.
- WELL, YOU'RE DOIN' SOMETHING.
THE MAN'S RIGHT BEHIND US.
PULL OVER HERE.
SEE YOUR OPERATOR'S LICENSE, PLEASE? BE RIGHT BACK.
- BE COOL.
BE COOL.
- IT'S HIM! - HIM WHO? - THE DUDE WE KILLED.
COME ON, RIGHTEOUS.
HOW CAN IT BE THE DUDE WE KILLED IF WE KILLED HIM? I DON'T KNOW! WE KILLED HIM ONCE.
THIS TIME, WE'RE GONNA BE SURE.
- HE'S GOT US! - GOT US? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, GOT US? HOW? YOU TELL ME.
THE WHEELS ARE JUST SPINNIN'.
BE SURE IT'S TIGHT.
HAVE A NICE DAY, FELLAS.
WE'LL LEAVE A NOTE EXPLAINING YOU TO THE SHERIFF.
MORNIN', COLT.
MORNIN', SHERIFF.
BOY, THEY'RE GONNA BE GOOD IN THE MOVIE.
SOME OF 'EM LOOK REAL MEAN, DON'T THEY? YEAH.
REAL MEAN.
THEY'LL BE FINE, SHERIFF.
YEP.
NOW, EXACTLY, UH, WHAT DO YOU WANT MY BOYS TO DO? WELL, I'LL LEAD THE WAY STRAIGHT SOUTH.
THEN IT'LL JUS BE UP TO YOUR DEPUTIES TO TRY AND CATCH ME.
[ Cramer .]
THEY'RE ALL LOOKIN' FORWARD TO THAT, HUH? SO AM I, SHERIFF.
WELL, WHEN I TAKE OFF, I WANT EACH OF YOUR BOYS NOW JUST TO TROMP ON THEM SUCKERS AND GO TILL THE RUBBER GETS SO HOT ON THEM TIRES, THEY JUST BEG FOR MERCY.
BEG FOR MERCY, EH? HOW FAR DO YOU WAN MY BOYS TO GO? TILL I STOP.
THAT'S WHEN YOU'LL PICK ME UP IN THE CHOPPER.
AND THEN THAT WAY, I'LL GET A CHANCE TO, UH, OBSERVE 'EM FIRSTHAND AS THEY RACE EACH OTHER BACK TO TOWN.
AND THERE'LL BE A $1,000 BONUS FOR THE BOY WHO WINS.
[ Men Cheering .]
[ Cramer .]
A THOUSAND DOLLARS, HUH? [ Man .]
I COULD USE THAT! ALL RIGHT! WE'RE ALL SET! ALL RIGHT, DON'T GET LOST, SHERIFF.
I'M COUNTIN' ON YOU TO PICK ME UP.
COME ON, RENFRO.
LET'S GO.
[ Spectators Cheering, Shouting .]
[ Cheering, Shouting Continue .]
YOU JUST RELAX AND ENJOY IT, RENFRO.
YOU'RE GONNA SEE SOME FANCY DRIVIN'.
I'M READY.
[ Screaming .]
YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A STUNTMAN IN THE MOVIES.
[ Screams .]
LOOK OUT! WHOA! WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT TURN YOU DID BACK THERE? WHAT-- JUST LIKE THAT ONE THERE.
RENFRO, I THINK YOU'D MAKE A GREAT LEADING MAN, ACTUALLY.
DO YA? SURE.
WELL, MY MOTHER USED TO SAY THAT TO ME.
OH, MR.
COLT, THIS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M JUS RIGHT THERE IN THE MOVIES.
I HAD A COUSIN THAT WAS IN THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
YEAH? SHE WAS AN EXTRA.
HE'S TAKIN' MY BOYS AN AWFUL LONG WAY SOUTH.
OKAY, GUYS, LET'S PLAY FOLLOW-THE-LEADER.
YOU DIDN'T SIGNAL BACK THERE.
GUESS YOU'D BETTER TIGHTEN THAT BELT UP.
THAT BELT IS ABOUT AS TIGH AS I CAN GET IT RIGHT NOW.
I DON'T RECKON I CAN DO THIS EVERY DAY.
THAT LOOKS EASY, COLT.
WHOA! [ Chatter On Police Radio .]
[ Man .]
WHERE'D HE GO? I CAN'T SEE A THING! [ Whistles .]
HEY, GUYS, I'M OVER HERE! I RECKON YOU JUST REALLY GOTTA PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU'RE DOIN', DON'T YA? [ Renfro .]
THAT SIGN SAYS THE BRIDGE IS OUT, MR.
COLT! JUST SIT THERE AND RELAX.
[ Renfro Screaming .]
I'LL TELL YOU, YOU'RE A GOOD DRIVER, MR.
COLT.
THANK GOD.
WHOA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THAT BOY SURE CAN DRIVE.
OKAY, RENFRO, IT'S ALL YOURS.
WHEN THOSE BOYS CATCH UP, YOU DO JUST LIKE I DID.
I KNOW YOU WON'T DO IT AS WELL, BUT YOU DO THE BEST YOU CAN.
OH, HE'S PULLING OVER NOW.
SET THIS THING DOWN.
I WILL SAY THIS FOR YOU: YOU DO KNOW HOW TO DRIVE.
AND FLY TOO, SHERIFF.
OUT.
WHAT IS THIS, MORE FUN AND GAMES? NO GAMES, SHERIFF.
JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX.
HEY, WHAT IS THIS? WHO ARE YOU? A FRIEND OF THE COURT.
HEY, WHAT-- NOW WHAT? NOW WE CIRCLE BACK, MEET THE TRUCK AT THE COUNTY LINE.
YOU AIN'T GONNA GET AWAY WITH THIS.
WHO'S GONNA STOP US? HOWDY.
HOWDY.
HELP YOU GENTLEMEN? OH, I HOPE SO.
WE'RE LOOKING FOR THIS MAN.
WANTED IN LOS ANGELES FOR JUMPING BAIL.
SEEN HIM AROUND? - HAVEN'T SEEN HIM.
- OH.
WELL, HIS WIFE COULD BE DRIVING A BIG RED CAR WITH HORNS ON THE FRONT.
HORNS ON IT? YEAH.
YOU BOYS BEEN DRINKIN'? BREAKER, BREAKER.
UNIT 12 TO HEADQUARTERS.
THIS IS RENFRO.
THIS IS H.
Q.
WHAT IS IT, RENFRO? WELL, YOU AIN'T GONNA BELIEVE THIS, BUT THAT HOLLYWOOD FELLA KIDNAPPED THE SHERIFF BY GUNPOINT.
WHAT? WHERE ARE THEY NOW? WELL, HE TOOK THE CHOPPER AND HE HEADED NORTH-- UH, SOUTH-- WELL, HE'S HEADED TOWARD THE-- THE COUNTY LINE RIGHT NOW.
I FIGURE HE'S PROBABLY FIGURIN' ON MEETING UP WITH THA PARTNER OF HIS IN THE PICKUP.
THINK HE BELIEVED ME? ALL UNITS! ALL UNITS! STOP WHERE YOU ARE AND TURN AROUND.
COMMENCE A PURSUIT NORTH TO THE COUNTY LINE USING ANY MEANS NECESSARY TO STOP COLT SEAVERS.
YOU'LL BE SORRY FOR THIS DAY.
THE DAY I'LL NEVER FORGE IS THE ONE THAT YOU RAN DOWN A YOUNG BOY ON A BICYCLE, LEFT HIM TO DIE.
- THAT'S COLT'S TRUCK.
- DEPUTY DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT COUNTRY JOE BEIN' IN IT.
WELL, IF HE ISN'T, THEY'LL KNOW WHERE HE IS.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
I KNEW MY DEPUTIES WERE LOYAL, BUT NOW YOU SEE AN AVERAGE CITIZEN COME FORWARD READY TO AVENGE THE DESPOTISM THAT WOULD ROB THIS COMMUNITY OF ITS MOST BELOVED LEADER.
[ Bullet Ricochets .]
[ Gasps .]
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? JUST ONE OF YOUR AVERAGE ADMIRERS.
- [ Gunfire Continues .]
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! I'LL SURRENDER MYSELF! I'LL CALL MY DEPUTIES OFF.
OH, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, SHERIFF.
YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING.
UNFORTUNATELY, YOUR DEPUTIES ARE NOT THE PROBLEM.
LOOK AT THAT FOOL! HE'S GONNA RAM US! HE CAN'T DO THAT.
HE'D BE DEAD RIGHT ALONG WITH US.
YEAH, WELL, YOU BETTER TELL HIM.
JUST GIVE ME A HINT.
HOW ARE WE GONNA DIE? OH, NOTHING TO IT, SHERIFF.
I DID THIS IN A COMMERCIAL ONCE.
HANG ON.
THAT GUY'S NUTS! HE WOULDN'T DARE.
GET THAT MANIAC! [ Gunfire .]
WHAT WAS THAT? [ Randy .]
GENTLEMEN, WE ARE IN SOME DEEP TROUBLE.
I SMELL SMOKE! YEAH, IT'S JUS THE FIRE ON OUR TAIL.
FIRE? WELL, IT'S YOUR MOVE, SHERIFF.
I'M GOING OUT.
IF YOU DON'T WANNA FOLLOW ME, THESE TWO STICKS BASICALLY FLY THIS BABY.
THAT'S MURDER! I'LL CRASH! I'LL DIE! UH-UH.
DON'T WORRY.
YOU WON'T HAVE TIME.
THE EXPLOSION FROM THE FIRE'LL KILL YOU LONG BEFORE YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO CRASH.
OH, LORD! OPEN YOUR DOOR, GET READY FOR A QUICK EXIT.
IN THE NAME OF HEAVEN, COLT, ARE ALL YOUR CASES LIKE THIS? NO.
SOMETIMES, IT GETS REAL STICKY.
KEEP THE PEDAL TO THE METAL, KID, AND THEY'LL NEVER CATCH US.
IF I'D KNOWN YOU WAS GOING TO ALL THIS TROUBLE, I'D HAVE TURNED MYSELF IN.
WELL, BIG JOHN, THE WORLD IS FULL OF PEOPLE WHO MIGHT HAVE TURNED THEMSELVES IN BUT DIDN'T.
SO YOU REALLY OWE ME AND THE KID HERE YOUR HEARTFELT THANKS FOR KEEPING YOU FROM HARM.
- SO SAY "THANK YOU," BIG JOHN.
- YOU'RE REALLY NUTS! WELL, LET ME PUT I ANOTHER WAY.
EITHER YOU SAY "THANK YOU" AND BEHAVE YOURSELF, OR YOU'RE GONNA RIDE ALL THE WAY TO CALIFORNIA IN THE BACK.
COME ON! YOU WOULDN'T.
YEAH.
I THINK YOU WOULD.
ALL RIGHT.
I WANNA THANK YOU FOR KEEPING ME FROM HARM.
YOU'RE WELCOME, BIG JOHN.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
IT'S RENFRO.
LOOKS LIKE THEY GOT BIG JOHN.
I'M AFRAID WE'VE SEEN THE LAST OF HIM.
YOU SURE? I'M SURE.
YEE-HAW! I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDING SO BURT REYNOLDS DON'T GET HURT I MIGHT LEAP A MIGHTY CANYON SO HE CAN KISS AND FLIRT WHILE THAT SMOOTH TALKER'S KISSIN' MY GIRL I'M JUST KISSIN' DIRT YES I'M THE LONELY STUNTMAN THAT MADE A LOVER OUT OF BURT ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, GONNA TAKE A DRY RUN.
STAND CLEAR.
[ Phone Ringing .]
ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, LET'S HAVE IT QUIET.
- THIS IS A TAKE.
- NEW YORK STREET.
I'M TRYING TO REACH COLT SEAVERS.
IT'S AN EMERGENCY.
SOAPY, HE'S RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHOT.
IS THAT SOAPY? I THINK I'D BETTER HANDLE THIS.
HELLO? HEY, I SAID QUIET.
ROLL 'EM! THIS IS HOWIE MUNSON.
- I WANTED TO SPEAK TO COLT.
- WHAT CAN I DO FOR YA? [ Scoffs .]
WELL, WHERE IS HE? I NEED TO TALK TO HIM.
IT'S URGENT.
OH.
WELL, HE'LL BE HERE IN A MINUTE.
MAYBE I CAN HELP YOU.
WELL, TELL HIM THE RIO BROTHERS WERE SPOTTED IN MAUI.
LET ME GET THAT DOWN.
JUST A MINUTE.
THE MAUI BROTHERS WERE JUST SPOTTED IN RIO.
NO, NO.
THE RIO BROTHERS-- OH! WHERE'S COLT? WELL, HE SHOULD BE DROPPING IN ANY SECOND.
[ Spectators Cheering .]
ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, GREAT.
NOW LET'S GE THE FIRST TEAM IN HERE AND GET A CLOSE-UP OF THE LEADING LADY.
- LET'S GO! - THAT WAS A GREAT STUNT, COLT.
[ Chuckles .]
WELL, ANYTHING FOR MY LEADING LADY.
COME HERE.
- YOU TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF? - I ALWAYS DO.
NO, YOU DON'T.
I KNOW YOU, REMEMBER? - [ Man .]
READY ON THE SET.
- THANK YOU.
I GUESS I BETTER LET YOU GO.
YOU BE CAREFUL.
YOU TOO.
HEY.
YOU STILL HAVE GREAT LEGS.
COLT, TELEPHONE.
IT'S SOAPY.
YEAH, HI, SOAPY.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
THE IDEA OF GOIN' TO HAWAII SOUNDS REAL GOOD, BUT CHASIN' THOSE TWO CRAZY GUYS AROUND THE ISLAND, I-- THAT-- THAT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S KIND OF DANGEROUS.
THEY'LL NEVER MAKE ME PRESIDENT BUT I GOT THE BES FIRST LADIES SOME DAYS I'VE GOT 'EM AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE OOH-WEE A MORNING DIVE WITH JACKIE SMITH I CRASH IN THE NIGH WITH CHERYL BUT IN THE END THEY NEVER STAY WITH ME I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDING SO BURT REYNOLDS DON'T GET HURT I MIGHT LEAP A MIGHTY CANYON SO HE CAN KISS AND FLIRT WHILE THAT SMOOTH TALKER'S KISSIN' MY GIRL I'M JUST KISSIN' DIRT YES I'M THE LONELY STUNTMAN THAT MADE A LOVER OUT OF BURT [ Man .]
FALL GUY IS A GLEN LARSON PRODUCTION.