The Family Stallone (2023) s01e01 Episode Script
Meet the Stallones
MTV. ♪
♪
Good morning.
(chuckles)
MAN:
Sly, you're late.
Am I late?
No, I don't think so.
Actually, I was waking birds up
this morning.
I woke a rooster up.
When it all rains down ♪
-Down on me ♪
-(bell rings)
I got your number, Tom.
You guys are all in for
a big butt whupping today.
I already took Advil 'cause
I'm waiting for it. (chuckles)
♪
Morning.
Are we in that set?
A sight to behold ♪
Good morning. How are ya?
What's that?
Behind the scenes.
I know.
This is my behind the scenes.
MAN: All right,
we're going again, guys.
-Go to one.
-(bell rings)
(sniffs)
Come on.
So we just come in here blind,
-like, rage.
-Yeah.
Wham. Right here.
And then he goes forward.
I-- Bang.
And then he wr-writhing
on the ground.
Then I fucking kick him
like that.
-Wham.
-(mimics impacts)
You clean it up!
-French toast, anyone?
-(laughter)
-PRODUCER: All right, perfect.
-(grunts)
How did Sylvester Stallone
end up doing a reality show?
(chuckles)
I thought, "Okay,
I'm on the road so much."
I probably have been on the road
probably 60% of my life.
And
(scoffs)
looked around, I said, "My God.
My daughters are grown up,
everything else."
I'm going,
"Wouldn't it be great to just
"spend some serious time
with them
where they couldn't escape,
where they had to be with me?"
-(bell rings)
-MAN: Cut, cut, cut.
That is a wrap.
SYLVESTER:
Hey there.
Hi. Guess who's coming home.
(chuckles)
Okay. Sold.
I'll see you soon, baby.
-I love you.
-I love you, babe. Bye now.
-Bye.
-Bye.
Yes.
Tulsa King has been a hell
of a journey.
We shot through the spring,
through the summer.
It was tumultuous.
It's been a long six months.
I'm going home.
I can't believe it.
Earlier in my career,
the movie schedules
were much longer.
130 days, 140 days.
I used to look at that,
"Ah, what an adventure.
This is fantastic."
And now I look at it as
punishment. I don't want to be
away anymore. I want to stay
around the people I love.
♪
-SISTINE: I think you're nervous
to have Dad back.
-JENNIFER: I always get nervous.
-Yeah. He's like a fourth child.
-I always get
When you haven't been together
for a couple weeks
-and it's almost
like meeting up again.
-Mm-hmm.
It's kind of fun,
'cause it's fresh,
-but then it's also, like, you
have to get to know each other.
-Is there still butterflies,
-do you have?
-I always get butterflies
when I see him.
-SOPHIA: Aw!
-Really?
-SCARLET: Every time
he sees you, he drools over you.
-SISTINE:
Yeah, he's obsessed with you.
-Melts.
-He's sweet.
-Mom's like, "Yeah, of course."
(laughter)
Hi, my name
is Jennifer Stallone.
I'm married
to Sylvester Stallone.
SCARLET:
True love.
-(muttering)
-JENNIFER: To me,
family is everything.
We don't always live
in a normal world.
But when we're all together,
making dinner together at night,
watching TV together,
it feels like home.
SYLVESTER:
First time I met her--
everyone's gonna go,
"Uh, yeah, sure"--
I felt the earth
(grunts) move.
I just knew that this was
someone unique and special.
And 35 years later
(chuckles):
I guess I was right.
SISTINE:
I'm excited to see him.
I miss
-SCARLET: I'm so excited.
-JENNIFER: I know.
Sly has been away
in Oklahoma City
filming Tulsa King
for the last six months.
It is by far
the longest time
we've ever been apart.
♪
SOPHIA:
Well, you know what's funny?
Is that, actually,
the other day, um
-(dog passes gas)
-Oh, my God.
-JENNIFER: He farted?
-(laughter)
SOPHIA:
Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God.
-JENNIFER: He's a little puffer.
-SCARLET:
No, it's making me nauseous.
-He's a little puffer.
-What are you doing, man?
-No, it's making me nauseous.
Come on now,
roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
♪
Roll with me, baby ♪
You ain't gonna save me ♪
Ooh, ooh. ♪
-(exhales)
-MAN: A, B, C cameras marked.
-(whispers): Action.
-Hi, I am
Sophia Stallone, and I am
the oldest
of the three Stallone sisters.
SYLVESTER:
Sophia is such a blessing.
She's the one
that kind of comforts us.
"It's gonna be okay,
it's gonna be okay."
And her ability
to control her emotions,
quite extraordinary.
She's stronger than both of us.
Hi.
(chuckles)
Cut.
Being the oldest,
I've always had this pressure
of being very perfect.
Being the daughter
of a famous person,
you're not just you.
You're also
the family.
And so you want to make sure
that everything you do is right
and just and morally correct.
And so it's hard for me to
take risks sometimes.
I'm Sophia. And this
-is Sistine.
-(laughs)
My name is Sistine Stallone.
I love being the middle child.
Because I get
the best of both worlds.
Hello!
SYLVESTER:
Sistine.
I always saw her as,
like, this very shy,
delicate, fragile kitten.
And I thought,
"I got to toughen this girl up."
Like, jump out of closets.
-(growls)
-(screams)
Put dolls in her room and, like,
pretend they're haunted.
Literally a talking doll.
"Hello, Sistine."
The irony is
she developed such fearlessness.
(chuckles)
I don't know
if I did a good thing.
-(blows raspberry)
-JENNIFER: Sistina.
We're watching Scarlet take
-her first steps.
-SOPHIA: Scarlet is
completely unpredictable.
She always shocks me.
SISTINE:
She is such a wildcard.
When you talk to her,
you have no idea
what's gonna come out
of her mouth next.
And she is
the funniest person ever.
Give me something.
Oh, don't throw it to me!
Hi, I'm Scarlet Stallone.
That is a huge-ass fly.
-(buzzing)
-Oh, my God. I can kick it.
-(creaking)
-Oh.
I almost broke the damn chair.
All right, let's keep going.
Um (chuckles)
SYLVESTER:
Scarlet is a one-off. Like,
"Whoa, who's this one?
This is (chuckles)
like, such an unusual child."
She reminds me
of a lot of me.
SOPHIA: Did you see Sistine
rubbing this on her skin?
Smell my neck.
I don't smell anything.
Bitch.
Does your nose work?
-(laughing)
-Smell
Now smell yourself.
I went out with this guy once
and he smelled
like rosemary. I go, "Oh, what
perfume is that?" And he goes,
-"No, I actually rubbed rosemary
on myself."
-Dating when you have
the dad that we do is rough.
The first time a boy
came over to meet my parents,
he's going in
for the first kiss.
And I was so nervous,
but I was excited.
And he looks up at the balcony
and he goes,
"Oh, my God.
What is that?"
Mm.
SISTINE:
And it was my dad
standing
on the second-floor balcony,
backlit,
so you just see a silhouette.
He's so cinematic
in the most unnecessary reasons.
And let me tell you--
this kid jumps in the car,
went down the driveway,
never saw him again.
Did you guys get him anything
for his birthday?
No, because my role is, whatever
he doesn't have, I just restock.
JENNIFER:
You know what you could get him?
Is a cool cowboy hat.
SISTINE:
He works out in his cowboy hat.
Did you know I saw him
in the gym working out
in his cowboy hat?
-He was dancing with weights,
like this
-(laughing)
wearing a hat.
It was so funny.
-Aw.
-He's getting in character.
-He said he wants
to whoop it up on the town.
-What?
-He wants to whoop it up?
-He doesn't like going out ever.
-Yeah.
-We haven't gone out
in 20 years.
-Mom. Mom.
-He's turning the big seven-six.
-(laughs)
-SOPHIA: What do you expect?
-I think Sophia and I
got to take this over,
give him some young,
hip inspiration.
What about me?
I'm so good at this.
You can-- you can jump
in this plan.
SOPHIA:
You're young. Hip?
-Eh.
-Eh.
(laughing)
SYLVESTER:
Yo.
-JENNIFER:
Oh, girls, your dad's home!
-Yo.
-Hi! Hi, baby.
-(chuckles): Hi!
How was Oklahoma?
It was intense.
-Let's put it that way.
-Really?
-Yeah.
-SISTINE: Dad!
JENNIFER:
Aw.
SYLVESTER:
Hey.
Come here, little-- Oh!
-Wow. (chuckles)
-SISTINE: I'm getting emotional
seeing my dad come home
from Oklahoma,
because, you know, as a child,
growing up with him
constantly on movie sets
for four months at a time
and we wouldn't see him,
it was really hard, and
I don't think I ever expressed
those emotions as a kid.
I kind of just accepted
that that was his job.
But he just
bring so much love and warmth
to the house.
-(sniffles)
-I wanted to give you a hug
like that.
SYLVESTER:
I got to stay away longer.
-SOPHIA (chuckles): Aw.
-You know what I mean?
The skin care you sent me
is really good.
-Is it really?
-JENNIFER:
You want to sit outside?
SYLVESTER:
All right.
-Oh, baby.
-Oh, actually this breeze
feels good.
SCARLET:
Hi, Billie.
(whimpers)
We need to get a cattle prod.
-Which I was gonna
get you today.
-A what?
-SYLVESTER: Prod.
-How am I supposed
to walk three dogs
-and a cattle prod?
-Like (mimics buzzing)
SCARLET:
Growing up with my dad was
not your typical
dad that picks you up
from school and
(chuckles)
drops you off.
SOPHIA:
On the one hand, um, bringing
any boy home, he becomes
full-on Rambo with guns.
(yelling)
But then,
when it's with all the girls,
it's three Cavapoos
and a cat and girl dad.
I am Mustard the Magnificent!
Watch this. Hocus-pocus.
Kazam!
SOPHIA:
He wants to bake with us.
He watches The Bachelor
with us. And it's
a totally different side of him
than you've ever seen.
We get this question a lot--
what was it like
growing up with your dad?
And I said,
"It's really interesting,
'cause he would have us train
every morning."
-Yeah.
"But he wasn't training us
in normal sports
that our friends were doing."
-No. Because
-it's not a normal world.
-SISTINE: My dad
raised us
like little military brats.
SOPHIA:
You get up
at 5:30. You do
ten push-ups.
You do ten clean and jerks.
You don't know what that is,
look it up
on YouTube. It's with a bar.
It's heavy, and it sucks.
Then you swing the golf club.
And then once you swing
the golf club,
you go to the pool table.
No, not pool. Pool.
SISTINE:
We'd throw shotput. We'd do
sprints in the backyard.
He made us very competitive
in sports.
We add in chess.
We add in reading out loud.
Oh, yeah, and then
we'd box in the kitchen.
SOPHIA:
Then, somehow, we stood
at the table at 7:00,
right before school,
eating eggs.
SISTINE:
Just because he ate raw eggs
in a film does not mean
we will like
a shitload of eggs.
(sighs)
I would literally throw up
my breakfast,
and he would make me
another plate of eggs.
JENNIFER:
I wanted you guys
to be really well-rounded.
I wanted you to be, like,
professional golfers,
and you all had the potential.
-Whoa!
-JENNIFER: Happy Gilmore.
Happy Gilmore.
Our boyfriends
want to play with you.
-I don't think so.
-Why not?
-SOPHIA: Why not?
-They'll beat you.
-They're really good.
-That's the end of that.
But they haven't earned
that privilege.
-Dad.
-Sly.
SISTINE:
It has been a bit of a struggle
for my sisters and I
to even find a relationship.
Not only do we have "Stallone"
attached to our last name--
my dad is
also very overprotective
and quite intimidating.
But now that we're older
and currently in relationships,
you'd think that he would
really want to make that effort
to get to know the boyfriend.
And that hasn't
exactly happened yet.
This is someone
that is very special in my life.
I've never had a relationship
as good as this one before.
So it does hurt my feelings
that there has been
very minimal effort
on his part.
Someday you'll see
I'm helping you girls.
I'm getting rid of these creeps.
♪
You know, there's Italians
and then Italians.
I mean, Rich,
Jesus Christ.
-(laughter)
-Seriously.
SYLVESTER:
It's great to be back
and reacquaint
yourself with old friends
that you haven't seen
for a long time
and you just pick it up.
"So, as I was saying"
You just, like, eliminate
all that time gap and just hit
it like you saw him yesterday.
Al, stop hiding.
They're doing home movies
on me. Hey, man.
It's so good to see you, man.
You look great.
Al Pacino and I
crossed paths in 1977
when I wanted to do
Paradise Alley with him.
Of course, he was busy being
the great actor that he is.
This is so interesting.
Like, I feel as though
I just jumped
into Stallone World.
-You did.
-It's wonderful.
SYLVESTER:
But we stayed in touch
all the time,
and I have the utmost respect,
and I know eventually
it's going to happen.
Can you play
an Italian gangster?
Can you pull that off?
-No.
-I don't think
I can play it anymore.
-SYLVESTER: Oh, please.
-How do you do it again?
-I got a feeling you'll have
-AL: Give me a couple of lines.
You keep pulling me back in.
Pulling me back in.
♪
Yeah. Oh, this is the place.
-I'm so excited.
-Hi.
-MAN: Hey, guys.
SOPHIA:
Our dad comes here a ton.
-Yeah.
-It's his birthday coming up.
-Yes. Got it.
-We need cigars.
SISTINE: So you can
kind of show us a few
and maybe we just,
like, test them out?
-We'll test them out.
-Sounds good.
-Yeah.
-We're here.
-We're here.
Sounds good to me.
I think my relationship
with my dad got
more exciting as we got older.
He didn't really know what to do
with us when we were little,
and now that we got older,
he sort of brought us
into his world.
So we found things in common
that we like to do.
TRAINER:
Good, guys.
He actually taught me how
to smoke my first cigar,
and it just became this
tradition
that we did for years.
I got to get into a cool,
like, James Bond position.
I taste smoke.
-Okay.
-(laughs)
I actually love this one.
I'm not even joking.
I kind of want to bring
one home for myself.
Do we look like
we know what we're doing?
Like when a woman smokes a
cigar, is it like, "Ooh, wow"?
-Whoa!
-Whoa!
Ho, hey!
Sisters with Stogies,
our new podcast.
We're gonna shoot
every episode right here.
(laughing): There you go.
-SYLVESTER: So,
my daughters are here.
-AL: Yeah.
And they're doing a podcast,
doing a reality show.
I saw the podcast.
-No, you didn't.
-I did.
You're more tech savvy
than I am. You actually saw it?
Yeah, I know, well, I
I can text.
-Because I text you.
-Let's not get carried away, Al.
I-I haven't been able
to take a photo yet,
or I haven't been able--
my son keeps telling me,
send me stuff, Dad.
Send me stuff.
I said I'll ask Sly.
(laughter)
You're such a liar.
Here we go.
This is how it works, see?
You, me, me, you, high angle.
How come you've got gray hair,
and I've got dark hair?
You really want
to get into this?
I got so tired of dying hair.
I said, you know,
enough already. I just like
Oh He's accusing me
of dying my hair.
No, I didn't say that.
I said moi. Me, me.
You're a natural.
Me, I'm an unnatural.
No, no, no. No, no.
All bets are off now.
You're not kidding.
Tell me about it.
-Wow.
-That's one of the reasons
I wanted to do this show,
-because finally it keeps
the family together, you know?
-Yeah.
Like, there's an excuse, right?
Yeah, no, no, that's good.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's something
I've never really
Like, let's face it, Al.
We have cool personalities.
-Oh!
-Hey, hey, hey.
So So when I
get it out there
Now you're in a reality show.
Well, everything happens
if you stay alive.
-Yeah, you got a point there.
-You know, pretty much.
-I like this place.
-FRANK: That's right.
-I like, I like
sitting out here.
-Right?
-Have you even been here before?
-Well, let him go,
and I'll just stick around.
-(sputters)
-Stay as long as you want.
(laughter)
♪
We got to get the cake made
and cooled
before the birthday party.
JENNIFER:
I love to bake.
Birthday cakes are my specialty.
I love to make them big.
I make them crazy.
Sometimes they get too tall
and they fall over
or I run out of frosting.
(laughter)
-Stop it.
-SOPHIA: Oh, my God.
You know, it may not look great,
but everyone enjoys my cakes.
-That is so good.
-Wow.
Your dad is
going to be so happy.
While my mom is making
this cake,
the perfect prank to pull
on my dad
just comes to mind.
While she
is putting the physical cake
in the oven, I thought, hmm.
What if I had a bun in my oven?
Does that sound?
That sounds really gross,
but you know what I mean,
you know?
Have a baby.
That's what I'm trying to say.
Fake baby.
-Let's prank Sly.
-SISTINE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Should I put,
"It's a boy, it's a girl"?
-Ooh!
-I'm putting this baby here.
SISTINE:
This prank is so perfect
because it has been months
since he's seen me
around my boyfriend.
He doesn't actually know
how serious that we are.
So, for all he knows,
I could be cooking
something up right now.
(baby fussing)
-Ah!
-(laughter)
That's funny.
That is actually so good.
(engine starts, revs)
♪
JENNIFER:
Actually, I'm proud of everyone.
We are on time.
I can't wait for
you to see your cake, Dad.
-Wait, is it here?
-Yeah, it's in the trunk.
-Oh, okay.
-Wait, no, it's in the trunk?
Oh, that's gonna be a massacre.
-(laughter)
-SYLVESTER: Enough already.
-Oh, there's Balboa.
-SYLVESTER: There's Balboa.
This is where I started, right?
This neighborhood.
I wrote Rocky right over there.
JENNIFER: Right.
Is that where you got the name?
I thought this name
is kind of silly,
-but you don't forget it.
-Never.
It's either that or Baloney.
-(laughter)
-That was a joke.
SCARLETT:
Oh, boy. Here we go.
♪
Sunshine, we're feeling fine ♪
Riding the wave of your life ♪
(overlapping greetings)
Frankie, do you want
something to drink?
FRANK:
Eh
I'll have just a Chardonnay.
-A Chardonnay?
-(laughter)
-What should I get?
-Bourbon, straight up.
Oh, I can't. Nah.
Out of a boot.
Put it in the boot.
♪
(indistinct chatter)
♪
(laughter, chatter)
Hey. I have something for you,
but it's out in the car.
-I need a pair of Spanx.
-(laughs)
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Take mine off. (laughing)
That's what I need
for my birthday-- Spanx.
♪
JENNIFER:
And it's crazy, 'cause 76.
-What?!
-SISTINE:
Don't tell people that.
Don't tell me that.
(laughter)
No. Anyway,
bang, bang, bang
goes the cham-- uh, trolley.
(laughter)
Anyway, it's great to come back,
because I've been in Oklahoma,
which is
an amazing place.
But you come home
and you see the kiddies
and the friends, and you go
-Avocado trees.
-Yeah!
Very, very lucky guy.
-Very, very lucky guy.
-JENNIFER: Yeah.
-We're happy to have you home.
-SISTINE: We love you.
-SYLVESTER: Yeah. Thank you.
-Yeah.
SYLVESTER: I love you guys.
And thank you all
-for showing up.
-We love you, too!
-Happy birthday.
-Cheers. Happy birthday.
-Salut.
-Salut.
-Salut.
-Salut.
-JENNIFER: The girls and I
spent all day
making a cake for Sly.
It's a really special cake, and
it has a life-changing surprise.
-Life-changing?
-Yeah.
-(chuckles)
-And this-- and this
So how is this life-changing?
Can you bring the cake out?
'Cause we-we want it
to sit in the middle.
-(laughs)
-No.
I don't
(stammering)
-That's okay. It's funny.
-Okay.
This is a big build-up with
this cake. It better be good.
♪
JENNIFER:
Here it is!
-FRANK: Look at the box!
-(chuckling)
-He looks guilty already.
-FRANK: Oh, my God.
(laughing)
Hey, don't drop it on me, man.
-FRANK: Sly, it's got oil skids!
-Oh, fuck.
(laughter)
FRANK:
Oh, God. This is so classic.
JENNIFER:
Oh, no!
That might be the worst cake
I've ever seen in my life.
SYLVESTER:
Every year, Jennifer makes
a traditional disaster
in the shape of a cake.
And this one
looks like it was assaulted.
Literally.
You want to make
a police report,
say, "Somebody beat up my cake."
But on the side of the cake
are these
weird Chucky dolls
and toys and things
that just-- they make
-no sense on my cake.
-(baby crying)
What are these babies
doing there?
SISTINE:
Dad, read this! Read this!
-JENNIFER: What does it say?
-SYLVESTER: It says "boy."
JENNIFER:
Okay, what does that mean?
WOMAN:
Oh, no!
Don't say-- Why?
-(laughing)
-What does that mean?
-Boy.
-Sistine, Sistine
is going to have
-No.
-(laughter)
No.
FRANK:
You're gonna be a grandfather.
Please turn these cameras off
for a second
so I can destroy this place.
I'm going full Rambo, pal.
(yelling)
-FRANK: Is that true?
-(Sistine laughs)
FRANK:
Are you serious?
SYLVESTER:
Is that true?
-No.
-I love you.
-(laughs)
-Seeing
the look on my dad's face,
chef's kiss.
-JENNIFER:
Just kidding! Just kidding!
-Okay!
-I was kidding! I was kidding.
-Just kidding!
-Just kidding!
-We're kidding, we're kidding.
-Look at his eyes!
He's gonna cry!
-FRANK: Oh, my God!
-Aah!
-FRANK: Aah!
(grunts)
(laughter)
No.
Look at him.
I'll take him this round, Coach.
(laughter)
You're out of the will.
-(laughter)
-You're out of the will.
How's it feel?
I can't take it.
I need to sit down.
JENNIFER:
What a horrible night.
-Happy birthday.
-Happy birthday.
♪
SISTINE:
Hello, birthday boy.
-Hey, baby bird.
-Good morning.
-Good morning. (laughs)
-I have a headache.
-Did you have a good birthday?
-Sort of.
A little traumatic.
Wait, so you're saying
I sold it?
My acting was so good.
I mean, of all the sick things
I've done,
that takes--
dare I fucking say it?--
-the cake.
-I
-Ha-ha-ha.
-Well-- Okay. I did it
because I think
you sort of have a hard time
accepting the idea
that we are getting older
and we're maturing
and we're approaching
those years.
It's not a hard time.
It's like an impossible time.
My kids are still kids.
I look at them as kids.
I can't imagine them
having kids.
It's like, "Oh, my God."
That really is a seminal moment
I can't wrap
my head around. This child
who was running around
in flannel pajamas
and ribbons in her hair is
a full-grown woman.
It's a very hard concept
that she's not your baby.
But she is your baby.
You just need to make more
of an effort with--
or how 'bout this?
Not scare off
every guy that we bring over,
especially ones
that we actually are
-pretty serious with.
-Dad, I don't understand
why you stand in the corner
and just stare at them
and not even say hello.
Because they're boring.
-No, but you intimidate them.
-(sighs)
-You're scary enough to talk to.
-Can you just acce--
-Can you just say yes?
-(chuckles)
-No, they're not boring.
-You're going
to have to eventually like
the guys that we bring home
'cause they might be
your future son-in-laws.
-(gasps)
-Why are you just putting
more salt in the wound for him?
I'm just saying,
he has to get used to the idea.
Can I help choose the husband
though?
I mean, is that?
(gasps)
-You have to pick our guys?
-All right, just asking.
Just asking.
SOPHIA:
This prank was
completely successful.
But do I think
things are gonna change?
Possibly.
We'll see.
You know what's really funny?
Do you remember
when I was little,
I always told Mom
that I was gonna marry Dad.
-(laughs)
-I didn't understand
that you can't marry your dad.
-You remember
I said that all the time?
-Yes, I do. I don't know why.
And then you were really sweet.
You were like, "That's right."
Like--
And I always thought, like,
you were the only man for me.
And now, saying that out loud,
you are the opposite of my type.
-(Sylvester laughing)
-So I don't know
what I was thinking back then.
Imagine two of him
in the same room.
Can you imagine? It's hard
enough to live with one.
(Sophia and Sistine laugh)
SISTINE:
The rest of the season is
gonna be a colossal disaster.
Dating life? No bueno.
It's really hard
to navigate breakups.
I'm in a house of real women.
That's how we solve problems,
we duel for them.
SYLVESTER:
I never win.
What are you, four?
SOPHIA (imitating Sylvester):
That's when I knew
I wanted to be a boxer.
JENNIFER:
The girls want his attention.
I want to do something with you.
Don't be jealous.
Very competitive
with each other.
MGM picked up our film.
I'm actually pissed. Like, why
haven't you told me any of this?
Why are you being bitchy
with me?
There I am,
in the middle of chaos.
How'd I get on the
Housewives of Beverly Hills?
-♪
-I don't want you to go.
Now I'm an empty nester.
Where do I begin?
SYLVESTER:
Every year when she has to go
to the doctor, it's horrible.
Sometimes the strongest
people in your life
aren't as strong as you think.
Get up!
JENNIFER:
We always are gonna have
each other's back,
through thick and thin.
-Cheers to us.
-Like the 30th fucking cheers.
-Oh, my God!
-Can we have a sentimental
moment here?
SISTINE:
I love you all!
SYLVESTER: This is a dream
I don't want to wake up from.
Come on now,
roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
Roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
♪
Roll with me, baby ♪
You ain't gonna save me ♪
Ooh, ooh. ♪
Captioned by
access.wgbh.org
♪
Good morning.
(chuckles)
MAN:
Sly, you're late.
Am I late?
No, I don't think so.
Actually, I was waking birds up
this morning.
I woke a rooster up.
When it all rains down ♪
-Down on me ♪
-(bell rings)
I got your number, Tom.
You guys are all in for
a big butt whupping today.
I already took Advil 'cause
I'm waiting for it. (chuckles)
♪
Morning.
Are we in that set?
A sight to behold ♪
Good morning. How are ya?
What's that?
Behind the scenes.
I know.
This is my behind the scenes.
MAN: All right,
we're going again, guys.
-Go to one.
-(bell rings)
(sniffs)
Come on.
So we just come in here blind,
-like, rage.
-Yeah.
Wham. Right here.
And then he goes forward.
I-- Bang.
And then he wr-writhing
on the ground.
Then I fucking kick him
like that.
-Wham.
-(mimics impacts)
You clean it up!
-French toast, anyone?
-(laughter)
-PRODUCER: All right, perfect.
-(grunts)
How did Sylvester Stallone
end up doing a reality show?
(chuckles)
I thought, "Okay,
I'm on the road so much."
I probably have been on the road
probably 60% of my life.
And
(scoffs)
looked around, I said, "My God.
My daughters are grown up,
everything else."
I'm going,
"Wouldn't it be great to just
"spend some serious time
with them
where they couldn't escape,
where they had to be with me?"
-(bell rings)
-MAN: Cut, cut, cut.
That is a wrap.
SYLVESTER:
Hey there.
Hi. Guess who's coming home.
(chuckles)
Okay. Sold.
I'll see you soon, baby.
-I love you.
-I love you, babe. Bye now.
-Bye.
-Bye.
Yes.
Tulsa King has been a hell
of a journey.
We shot through the spring,
through the summer.
It was tumultuous.
It's been a long six months.
I'm going home.
I can't believe it.
Earlier in my career,
the movie schedules
were much longer.
130 days, 140 days.
I used to look at that,
"Ah, what an adventure.
This is fantastic."
And now I look at it as
punishment. I don't want to be
away anymore. I want to stay
around the people I love.
♪
-SISTINE: I think you're nervous
to have Dad back.
-JENNIFER: I always get nervous.
-Yeah. He's like a fourth child.
-I always get
When you haven't been together
for a couple weeks
-and it's almost
like meeting up again.
-Mm-hmm.
It's kind of fun,
'cause it's fresh,
-but then it's also, like, you
have to get to know each other.
-Is there still butterflies,
-do you have?
-I always get butterflies
when I see him.
-SOPHIA: Aw!
-Really?
-SCARLET: Every time
he sees you, he drools over you.
-SISTINE:
Yeah, he's obsessed with you.
-Melts.
-He's sweet.
-Mom's like, "Yeah, of course."
(laughter)
Hi, my name
is Jennifer Stallone.
I'm married
to Sylvester Stallone.
SCARLET:
True love.
-(muttering)
-JENNIFER: To me,
family is everything.
We don't always live
in a normal world.
But when we're all together,
making dinner together at night,
watching TV together,
it feels like home.
SYLVESTER:
First time I met her--
everyone's gonna go,
"Uh, yeah, sure"--
I felt the earth
(grunts) move.
I just knew that this was
someone unique and special.
And 35 years later
(chuckles):
I guess I was right.
SISTINE:
I'm excited to see him.
I miss
-SCARLET: I'm so excited.
-JENNIFER: I know.
Sly has been away
in Oklahoma City
filming Tulsa King
for the last six months.
It is by far
the longest time
we've ever been apart.
♪
SOPHIA:
Well, you know what's funny?
Is that, actually,
the other day, um
-(dog passes gas)
-Oh, my God.
-JENNIFER: He farted?
-(laughter)
SOPHIA:
Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God.
-JENNIFER: He's a little puffer.
-SCARLET:
No, it's making me nauseous.
-He's a little puffer.
-What are you doing, man?
-No, it's making me nauseous.
Come on now,
roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
♪
Roll with me, baby ♪
You ain't gonna save me ♪
Ooh, ooh. ♪
-(exhales)
-MAN: A, B, C cameras marked.
-(whispers): Action.
-Hi, I am
Sophia Stallone, and I am
the oldest
of the three Stallone sisters.
SYLVESTER:
Sophia is such a blessing.
She's the one
that kind of comforts us.
"It's gonna be okay,
it's gonna be okay."
And her ability
to control her emotions,
quite extraordinary.
She's stronger than both of us.
Hi.
(chuckles)
Cut.
Being the oldest,
I've always had this pressure
of being very perfect.
Being the daughter
of a famous person,
you're not just you.
You're also
the family.
And so you want to make sure
that everything you do is right
and just and morally correct.
And so it's hard for me to
take risks sometimes.
I'm Sophia. And this
-is Sistine.
-(laughs)
My name is Sistine Stallone.
I love being the middle child.
Because I get
the best of both worlds.
Hello!
SYLVESTER:
Sistine.
I always saw her as,
like, this very shy,
delicate, fragile kitten.
And I thought,
"I got to toughen this girl up."
Like, jump out of closets.
-(growls)
-(screams)
Put dolls in her room and, like,
pretend they're haunted.
Literally a talking doll.
"Hello, Sistine."
The irony is
she developed such fearlessness.
(chuckles)
I don't know
if I did a good thing.
-(blows raspberry)
-JENNIFER: Sistina.
We're watching Scarlet take
-her first steps.
-SOPHIA: Scarlet is
completely unpredictable.
She always shocks me.
SISTINE:
She is such a wildcard.
When you talk to her,
you have no idea
what's gonna come out
of her mouth next.
And she is
the funniest person ever.
Give me something.
Oh, don't throw it to me!
Hi, I'm Scarlet Stallone.
That is a huge-ass fly.
-(buzzing)
-Oh, my God. I can kick it.
-(creaking)
-Oh.
I almost broke the damn chair.
All right, let's keep going.
Um (chuckles)
SYLVESTER:
Scarlet is a one-off. Like,
"Whoa, who's this one?
This is (chuckles)
like, such an unusual child."
She reminds me
of a lot of me.
SOPHIA: Did you see Sistine
rubbing this on her skin?
Smell my neck.
I don't smell anything.
Bitch.
Does your nose work?
-(laughing)
-Smell
Now smell yourself.
I went out with this guy once
and he smelled
like rosemary. I go, "Oh, what
perfume is that?" And he goes,
-"No, I actually rubbed rosemary
on myself."
-Dating when you have
the dad that we do is rough.
The first time a boy
came over to meet my parents,
he's going in
for the first kiss.
And I was so nervous,
but I was excited.
And he looks up at the balcony
and he goes,
"Oh, my God.
What is that?"
Mm.
SISTINE:
And it was my dad
standing
on the second-floor balcony,
backlit,
so you just see a silhouette.
He's so cinematic
in the most unnecessary reasons.
And let me tell you--
this kid jumps in the car,
went down the driveway,
never saw him again.
Did you guys get him anything
for his birthday?
No, because my role is, whatever
he doesn't have, I just restock.
JENNIFER:
You know what you could get him?
Is a cool cowboy hat.
SISTINE:
He works out in his cowboy hat.
Did you know I saw him
in the gym working out
in his cowboy hat?
-He was dancing with weights,
like this
-(laughing)
wearing a hat.
It was so funny.
-Aw.
-He's getting in character.
-He said he wants
to whoop it up on the town.
-What?
-He wants to whoop it up?
-He doesn't like going out ever.
-Yeah.
-We haven't gone out
in 20 years.
-Mom. Mom.
-He's turning the big seven-six.
-(laughs)
-SOPHIA: What do you expect?
-I think Sophia and I
got to take this over,
give him some young,
hip inspiration.
What about me?
I'm so good at this.
You can-- you can jump
in this plan.
SOPHIA:
You're young. Hip?
-Eh.
-Eh.
(laughing)
SYLVESTER:
Yo.
-JENNIFER:
Oh, girls, your dad's home!
-Yo.
-Hi! Hi, baby.
-(chuckles): Hi!
How was Oklahoma?
It was intense.
-Let's put it that way.
-Really?
-Yeah.
-SISTINE: Dad!
JENNIFER:
Aw.
SYLVESTER:
Hey.
Come here, little-- Oh!
-Wow. (chuckles)
-SISTINE: I'm getting emotional
seeing my dad come home
from Oklahoma,
because, you know, as a child,
growing up with him
constantly on movie sets
for four months at a time
and we wouldn't see him,
it was really hard, and
I don't think I ever expressed
those emotions as a kid.
I kind of just accepted
that that was his job.
But he just
bring so much love and warmth
to the house.
-(sniffles)
-I wanted to give you a hug
like that.
SYLVESTER:
I got to stay away longer.
-SOPHIA (chuckles): Aw.
-You know what I mean?
The skin care you sent me
is really good.
-Is it really?
-JENNIFER:
You want to sit outside?
SYLVESTER:
All right.
-Oh, baby.
-Oh, actually this breeze
feels good.
SCARLET:
Hi, Billie.
(whimpers)
We need to get a cattle prod.
-Which I was gonna
get you today.
-A what?
-SYLVESTER: Prod.
-How am I supposed
to walk three dogs
-and a cattle prod?
-Like (mimics buzzing)
SCARLET:
Growing up with my dad was
not your typical
dad that picks you up
from school and
(chuckles)
drops you off.
SOPHIA:
On the one hand, um, bringing
any boy home, he becomes
full-on Rambo with guns.
(yelling)
But then,
when it's with all the girls,
it's three Cavapoos
and a cat and girl dad.
I am Mustard the Magnificent!
Watch this. Hocus-pocus.
Kazam!
SOPHIA:
He wants to bake with us.
He watches The Bachelor
with us. And it's
a totally different side of him
than you've ever seen.
We get this question a lot--
what was it like
growing up with your dad?
And I said,
"It's really interesting,
'cause he would have us train
every morning."
-Yeah.
"But he wasn't training us
in normal sports
that our friends were doing."
-No. Because
-it's not a normal world.
-SISTINE: My dad
raised us
like little military brats.
SOPHIA:
You get up
at 5:30. You do
ten push-ups.
You do ten clean and jerks.
You don't know what that is,
look it up
on YouTube. It's with a bar.
It's heavy, and it sucks.
Then you swing the golf club.
And then once you swing
the golf club,
you go to the pool table.
No, not pool. Pool.
SISTINE:
We'd throw shotput. We'd do
sprints in the backyard.
He made us very competitive
in sports.
We add in chess.
We add in reading out loud.
Oh, yeah, and then
we'd box in the kitchen.
SOPHIA:
Then, somehow, we stood
at the table at 7:00,
right before school,
eating eggs.
SISTINE:
Just because he ate raw eggs
in a film does not mean
we will like
a shitload of eggs.
(sighs)
I would literally throw up
my breakfast,
and he would make me
another plate of eggs.
JENNIFER:
I wanted you guys
to be really well-rounded.
I wanted you to be, like,
professional golfers,
and you all had the potential.
-Whoa!
-JENNIFER: Happy Gilmore.
Happy Gilmore.
Our boyfriends
want to play with you.
-I don't think so.
-Why not?
-SOPHIA: Why not?
-They'll beat you.
-They're really good.
-That's the end of that.
But they haven't earned
that privilege.
-Dad.
-Sly.
SISTINE:
It has been a bit of a struggle
for my sisters and I
to even find a relationship.
Not only do we have "Stallone"
attached to our last name--
my dad is
also very overprotective
and quite intimidating.
But now that we're older
and currently in relationships,
you'd think that he would
really want to make that effort
to get to know the boyfriend.
And that hasn't
exactly happened yet.
This is someone
that is very special in my life.
I've never had a relationship
as good as this one before.
So it does hurt my feelings
that there has been
very minimal effort
on his part.
Someday you'll see
I'm helping you girls.
I'm getting rid of these creeps.
♪
You know, there's Italians
and then Italians.
I mean, Rich,
Jesus Christ.
-(laughter)
-Seriously.
SYLVESTER:
It's great to be back
and reacquaint
yourself with old friends
that you haven't seen
for a long time
and you just pick it up.
"So, as I was saying"
You just, like, eliminate
all that time gap and just hit
it like you saw him yesterday.
Al, stop hiding.
They're doing home movies
on me. Hey, man.
It's so good to see you, man.
You look great.
Al Pacino and I
crossed paths in 1977
when I wanted to do
Paradise Alley with him.
Of course, he was busy being
the great actor that he is.
This is so interesting.
Like, I feel as though
I just jumped
into Stallone World.
-You did.
-It's wonderful.
SYLVESTER:
But we stayed in touch
all the time,
and I have the utmost respect,
and I know eventually
it's going to happen.
Can you play
an Italian gangster?
Can you pull that off?
-No.
-I don't think
I can play it anymore.
-SYLVESTER: Oh, please.
-How do you do it again?
-I got a feeling you'll have
-AL: Give me a couple of lines.
You keep pulling me back in.
Pulling me back in.
♪
Yeah. Oh, this is the place.
-I'm so excited.
-Hi.
-MAN: Hey, guys.
SOPHIA:
Our dad comes here a ton.
-Yeah.
-It's his birthday coming up.
-Yes. Got it.
-We need cigars.
SISTINE: So you can
kind of show us a few
and maybe we just,
like, test them out?
-We'll test them out.
-Sounds good.
-Yeah.
-We're here.
-We're here.
Sounds good to me.
I think my relationship
with my dad got
more exciting as we got older.
He didn't really know what to do
with us when we were little,
and now that we got older,
he sort of brought us
into his world.
So we found things in common
that we like to do.
TRAINER:
Good, guys.
He actually taught me how
to smoke my first cigar,
and it just became this
tradition
that we did for years.
I got to get into a cool,
like, James Bond position.
I taste smoke.
-Okay.
-(laughs)
I actually love this one.
I'm not even joking.
I kind of want to bring
one home for myself.
Do we look like
we know what we're doing?
Like when a woman smokes a
cigar, is it like, "Ooh, wow"?
-Whoa!
-Whoa!
Ho, hey!
Sisters with Stogies,
our new podcast.
We're gonna shoot
every episode right here.
(laughing): There you go.
-SYLVESTER: So,
my daughters are here.
-AL: Yeah.
And they're doing a podcast,
doing a reality show.
I saw the podcast.
-No, you didn't.
-I did.
You're more tech savvy
than I am. You actually saw it?
Yeah, I know, well, I
I can text.
-Because I text you.
-Let's not get carried away, Al.
I-I haven't been able
to take a photo yet,
or I haven't been able--
my son keeps telling me,
send me stuff, Dad.
Send me stuff.
I said I'll ask Sly.
(laughter)
You're such a liar.
Here we go.
This is how it works, see?
You, me, me, you, high angle.
How come you've got gray hair,
and I've got dark hair?
You really want
to get into this?
I got so tired of dying hair.
I said, you know,
enough already. I just like
Oh He's accusing me
of dying my hair.
No, I didn't say that.
I said moi. Me, me.
You're a natural.
Me, I'm an unnatural.
No, no, no. No, no.
All bets are off now.
You're not kidding.
Tell me about it.
-Wow.
-That's one of the reasons
I wanted to do this show,
-because finally it keeps
the family together, you know?
-Yeah.
Like, there's an excuse, right?
Yeah, no, no, that's good.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's something
I've never really
Like, let's face it, Al.
We have cool personalities.
-Oh!
-Hey, hey, hey.
So So when I
get it out there
Now you're in a reality show.
Well, everything happens
if you stay alive.
-Yeah, you got a point there.
-You know, pretty much.
-I like this place.
-FRANK: That's right.
-I like, I like
sitting out here.
-Right?
-Have you even been here before?
-Well, let him go,
and I'll just stick around.
-(sputters)
-Stay as long as you want.
(laughter)
♪
We got to get the cake made
and cooled
before the birthday party.
JENNIFER:
I love to bake.
Birthday cakes are my specialty.
I love to make them big.
I make them crazy.
Sometimes they get too tall
and they fall over
or I run out of frosting.
(laughter)
-Stop it.
-SOPHIA: Oh, my God.
You know, it may not look great,
but everyone enjoys my cakes.
-That is so good.
-Wow.
Your dad is
going to be so happy.
While my mom is making
this cake,
the perfect prank to pull
on my dad
just comes to mind.
While she
is putting the physical cake
in the oven, I thought, hmm.
What if I had a bun in my oven?
Does that sound?
That sounds really gross,
but you know what I mean,
you know?
Have a baby.
That's what I'm trying to say.
Fake baby.
-Let's prank Sly.
-SISTINE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Should I put,
"It's a boy, it's a girl"?
-Ooh!
-I'm putting this baby here.
SISTINE:
This prank is so perfect
because it has been months
since he's seen me
around my boyfriend.
He doesn't actually know
how serious that we are.
So, for all he knows,
I could be cooking
something up right now.
(baby fussing)
-Ah!
-(laughter)
That's funny.
That is actually so good.
(engine starts, revs)
♪
JENNIFER:
Actually, I'm proud of everyone.
We are on time.
I can't wait for
you to see your cake, Dad.
-Wait, is it here?
-Yeah, it's in the trunk.
-Oh, okay.
-Wait, no, it's in the trunk?
Oh, that's gonna be a massacre.
-(laughter)
-SYLVESTER: Enough already.
-Oh, there's Balboa.
-SYLVESTER: There's Balboa.
This is where I started, right?
This neighborhood.
I wrote Rocky right over there.
JENNIFER: Right.
Is that where you got the name?
I thought this name
is kind of silly,
-but you don't forget it.
-Never.
It's either that or Baloney.
-(laughter)
-That was a joke.
SCARLETT:
Oh, boy. Here we go.
♪
Sunshine, we're feeling fine ♪
Riding the wave of your life ♪
(overlapping greetings)
Frankie, do you want
something to drink?
FRANK:
Eh
I'll have just a Chardonnay.
-A Chardonnay?
-(laughter)
-What should I get?
-Bourbon, straight up.
Oh, I can't. Nah.
Out of a boot.
Put it in the boot.
♪
(indistinct chatter)
♪
(laughter, chatter)
Hey. I have something for you,
but it's out in the car.
-I need a pair of Spanx.
-(laughs)
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Take mine off. (laughing)
That's what I need
for my birthday-- Spanx.
♪
JENNIFER:
And it's crazy, 'cause 76.
-What?!
-SISTINE:
Don't tell people that.
Don't tell me that.
(laughter)
No. Anyway,
bang, bang, bang
goes the cham-- uh, trolley.
(laughter)
Anyway, it's great to come back,
because I've been in Oklahoma,
which is
an amazing place.
But you come home
and you see the kiddies
and the friends, and you go
-Avocado trees.
-Yeah!
Very, very lucky guy.
-Very, very lucky guy.
-JENNIFER: Yeah.
-We're happy to have you home.
-SISTINE: We love you.
-SYLVESTER: Yeah. Thank you.
-Yeah.
SYLVESTER: I love you guys.
And thank you all
-for showing up.
-We love you, too!
-Happy birthday.
-Cheers. Happy birthday.
-Salut.
-Salut.
-Salut.
-Salut.
-JENNIFER: The girls and I
spent all day
making a cake for Sly.
It's a really special cake, and
it has a life-changing surprise.
-Life-changing?
-Yeah.
-(chuckles)
-And this-- and this
So how is this life-changing?
Can you bring the cake out?
'Cause we-we want it
to sit in the middle.
-(laughs)
-No.
I don't
(stammering)
-That's okay. It's funny.
-Okay.
This is a big build-up with
this cake. It better be good.
♪
JENNIFER:
Here it is!
-FRANK: Look at the box!
-(chuckling)
-He looks guilty already.
-FRANK: Oh, my God.
(laughing)
Hey, don't drop it on me, man.
-FRANK: Sly, it's got oil skids!
-Oh, fuck.
(laughter)
FRANK:
Oh, God. This is so classic.
JENNIFER:
Oh, no!
That might be the worst cake
I've ever seen in my life.
SYLVESTER:
Every year, Jennifer makes
a traditional disaster
in the shape of a cake.
And this one
looks like it was assaulted.
Literally.
You want to make
a police report,
say, "Somebody beat up my cake."
But on the side of the cake
are these
weird Chucky dolls
and toys and things
that just-- they make
-no sense on my cake.
-(baby crying)
What are these babies
doing there?
SISTINE:
Dad, read this! Read this!
-JENNIFER: What does it say?
-SYLVESTER: It says "boy."
JENNIFER:
Okay, what does that mean?
WOMAN:
Oh, no!
Don't say-- Why?
-(laughing)
-What does that mean?
-Boy.
-Sistine, Sistine
is going to have
-No.
-(laughter)
No.
FRANK:
You're gonna be a grandfather.
Please turn these cameras off
for a second
so I can destroy this place.
I'm going full Rambo, pal.
(yelling)
-FRANK: Is that true?
-(Sistine laughs)
FRANK:
Are you serious?
SYLVESTER:
Is that true?
-No.
-I love you.
-(laughs)
-Seeing
the look on my dad's face,
chef's kiss.
-JENNIFER:
Just kidding! Just kidding!
-Okay!
-I was kidding! I was kidding.
-Just kidding!
-Just kidding!
-We're kidding, we're kidding.
-Look at his eyes!
He's gonna cry!
-FRANK: Oh, my God!
-Aah!
-FRANK: Aah!
(grunts)
(laughter)
No.
Look at him.
I'll take him this round, Coach.
(laughter)
You're out of the will.
-(laughter)
-You're out of the will.
How's it feel?
I can't take it.
I need to sit down.
JENNIFER:
What a horrible night.
-Happy birthday.
-Happy birthday.
♪
SISTINE:
Hello, birthday boy.
-Hey, baby bird.
-Good morning.
-Good morning. (laughs)
-I have a headache.
-Did you have a good birthday?
-Sort of.
A little traumatic.
Wait, so you're saying
I sold it?
My acting was so good.
I mean, of all the sick things
I've done,
that takes--
dare I fucking say it?--
-the cake.
-I
-Ha-ha-ha.
-Well-- Okay. I did it
because I think
you sort of have a hard time
accepting the idea
that we are getting older
and we're maturing
and we're approaching
those years.
It's not a hard time.
It's like an impossible time.
My kids are still kids.
I look at them as kids.
I can't imagine them
having kids.
It's like, "Oh, my God."
That really is a seminal moment
I can't wrap
my head around. This child
who was running around
in flannel pajamas
and ribbons in her hair is
a full-grown woman.
It's a very hard concept
that she's not your baby.
But she is your baby.
You just need to make more
of an effort with--
or how 'bout this?
Not scare off
every guy that we bring over,
especially ones
that we actually are
-pretty serious with.
-Dad, I don't understand
why you stand in the corner
and just stare at them
and not even say hello.
Because they're boring.
-No, but you intimidate them.
-(sighs)
-You're scary enough to talk to.
-Can you just acce--
-Can you just say yes?
-(chuckles)
-No, they're not boring.
-You're going
to have to eventually like
the guys that we bring home
'cause they might be
your future son-in-laws.
-(gasps)
-Why are you just putting
more salt in the wound for him?
I'm just saying,
he has to get used to the idea.
Can I help choose the husband
though?
I mean, is that?
(gasps)
-You have to pick our guys?
-All right, just asking.
Just asking.
SOPHIA:
This prank was
completely successful.
But do I think
things are gonna change?
Possibly.
We'll see.
You know what's really funny?
Do you remember
when I was little,
I always told Mom
that I was gonna marry Dad.
-(laughs)
-I didn't understand
that you can't marry your dad.
-You remember
I said that all the time?
-Yes, I do. I don't know why.
And then you were really sweet.
You were like, "That's right."
Like--
And I always thought, like,
you were the only man for me.
And now, saying that out loud,
you are the opposite of my type.
-(Sylvester laughing)
-So I don't know
what I was thinking back then.
Imagine two of him
in the same room.
Can you imagine? It's hard
enough to live with one.
(Sophia and Sistine laugh)
SISTINE:
The rest of the season is
gonna be a colossal disaster.
Dating life? No bueno.
It's really hard
to navigate breakups.
I'm in a house of real women.
That's how we solve problems,
we duel for them.
SYLVESTER:
I never win.
What are you, four?
SOPHIA (imitating Sylvester):
That's when I knew
I wanted to be a boxer.
JENNIFER:
The girls want his attention.
I want to do something with you.
Don't be jealous.
Very competitive
with each other.
MGM picked up our film.
I'm actually pissed. Like, why
haven't you told me any of this?
Why are you being bitchy
with me?
There I am,
in the middle of chaos.
How'd I get on the
Housewives of Beverly Hills?
-♪
-I don't want you to go.
Now I'm an empty nester.
Where do I begin?
SYLVESTER:
Every year when she has to go
to the doctor, it's horrible.
Sometimes the strongest
people in your life
aren't as strong as you think.
Get up!
JENNIFER:
We always are gonna have
each other's back,
through thick and thin.
-Cheers to us.
-Like the 30th fucking cheers.
-Oh, my God!
-Can we have a sentimental
moment here?
SISTINE:
I love you all!
SYLVESTER: This is a dream
I don't want to wake up from.
Come on now,
roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
Roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
♪
Roll with me, baby ♪
You ain't gonna save me ♪
Ooh, ooh. ♪
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