The Girls on the Bus (2024) s01e01 Episode Script
Pilot
1
I know what you're thinking,
and I didn't do it.
But as any political
journalist can tell you,
these days, the truth is
whatever you want to believe.
So here's my truth
about how it all went down.
I get up in the evening ♪
And I ain't got nothing
to say ♪
I come home in the morning ♪
I go to bed
feeling the same way ♪
Hey!
Hey!
Yeah, oh, my God, of course!
Yeah, I get into Iowa
late tonight.
Yeah, well,
I still have to pack.
What--I'm gonna make it.
I always make it.
The Bennett campaign flew
her Yorkie first-class?
Did it have its own seat?
I gotta use--can I use that?
Oh, I gotta--
I'll call you back.
Bye.
Hello?
- McCarthy!
You will never get another
interview with the Speaker.
Josh, Josh, Josh,
if you would let me talk
well, you read my profiles.
What did you expect?
Sadie McCarthy.
Oh, hey, yeah.
Do you think I could go
boxing with Caroline,
and it's sort of a metaphor
for her role as governor?
No, it was--
- Sadie.
I know.
I know, but no one's gonna
cover the--
McCarthy.
Come see me.
Listen, I have
to call you back.
It won't be long. Bye.
It's happening, Hunter.
Even if we're just dancing
in the dark ♪
Hey, what's up?
Oh, hey.
I'm putting you
on the old man's bus.
- What? Are you--what--why?
- No, I know, I know.
You want Caroline Bennett.
- Uh, yeah.
She's the front-runner,
and I spent months
buttering up all of my contacts
inside her campaign.
Well, I've already
assigned Dale.
Fuck Dale!
Look, I really need you
covering the old man.
Only you could find
a fresh angle.
I mean, you see things
that other reporters don't see.
So you're punishing me
for being good at my job.
No. No.
No, the newsroom brass
is still burned.
They worry
that you live and write
in a more emotional space.
That is such bullshit!
Felicity Walker.
What about her?
Aside from the fact that she
should be president right now.
- See? See? There it is.
- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Come on!
Look, you wanted her to win,
and it showed in your work.
Hell, it showed on television.
I mean,
your crying became a meme.
I don't think that--
The media is under attack.
We cannot show
even a hint of bias.
Sadie, you're a great writer,
but you lead with your heart.
And we need you
to lead with your head.
Well, Hunter S. Thompson
didn't just write what he saw.
He wrote how he felt.
He found a deeper truth,
which is what made him
a legend.
You gotta stop romanticizing
"The Boys on the Bus."
Hunter S. Thompson was a legend
in 1973.
Today, he would be
an HR crisis.
Bruce.
It was my first time
on the trail.
You gotta give me
another chance.
If I could assure my bosses
that you have changed
and get you assigned
to Bennett
Yes?
You have to prove
that you can write objectively.
Okay.
And--and you have to land
the first interview.
Done.
Yes. Okay. All right.
You're not gonna regret this.
Why this obsession
with politics?
I love what you've been
writing lately.
That obit you did
on the Central Park duck?
I mean, that's a masterpiece.
That.
That was good.
But this is a chance
at the White House.
You said that the last time.
The road is my home.
Oh, okay, Jack Kerouac.
Try to make more than
one friend this time, okay?
They're not my friends.
They're the competition.
All right, y'all.
I got my gummies.
I got my headphones.
I got my ring lights.
Tell me, am I forgetting
something important?
Going once, going twice.
Damn.
How could I forget? Ah!
Could y'all imagine
if I had forgotten
my best little friend?
Ahh!
Thank you, thank you.
All right, y'all,
first up is Iowa.
Let's do this.
Okay. What am I forgetting?
- Power heels.
- Check.
- Passion planner.
- Ooh, thank you.
Check.
Invisalign.
Check.
Fiancé?
Kimberlyn Anaya Kendrick,
will you marry me?
I've been on the trail
for three decades.
I have 2 1/2 million points.
I have seen the inside of more
Marriotts than Eliot Spitzer.
All I want is a corner room
on a lower floor,
away from the elevator,
with a view
not of the dumpsters,
hypoallergenic pillows,
and blackout shades
that actually work.
How many points
do I need for that?
Ma-a-a-ation ♪
And it feels nice ♪
Kimberlyn Kendrick
checking in.
- Hi, are you Lola?
- Welcome back, Grace.
- Hi! Yeah.
- Oh, my God!
It's so nice to meet you.
We're big fans.
Send it to me on signal.
Fleez and me eating nuts
in the leaves ♪
That's where we dance
to ESG ♪
Ah.
That better be a Long Island.
Oh, my God, Grace!
Reunited
and it feels so good ♪
Aren't you 40 yet?
Will you stop singing?
Hi, Sam. Two Yellowtails.
Oh, I guess.
Why not?
So Bruce let you
out of the rubber room
after your meltdown.
Bruce didn't seem
too concerned.
Thanks.
I just had to promise him
that this time around,
I'm going to remain detached,
objective, and mostly sober.
So who are you assigned to?
Caroline Bennett.
She reformed public schools
as a governor.
She has a military background.
Oh, and she publishes
murder mystery novels
under a pseudonym.
She could be the real deal.
- You sound really detached.
- Oh, stop.
And don't you worry about me.
I have learned my lesson.
I just need to get that
first interview with Bennett,
and then I will be back
in Bruce's good graces.
This scoop, if you actually
want to call it that, Abby,
entirely misses what's
really going on in this race.
He's shitting
on your reporting again.
Why does he do that?
Ugh, fuck him.
Who cares what that dinosaur
has to say anymore?
Christ.
The Right has arrived.
- Oh, God.
- Absolutely, Nellie.
I know you want that job
as much as I do.
Whatever happens happens.
I heard Nellie Carmichael
had her makeup
tattooed to her face.
What did you say?
She said she heard
your makeup has been
tattooed to your face.
Speaking of makeup,
I hope your mascara's
waterproof this cycle, Sadie.
That was
three years ago, Nellie.
John Edwards lived down
a love child faster than this.
Kay?
- Don't engage.
Don't engage.
- Uh-huh.
I'll be right back.
Yo, hook me up with a Pabst.
It's Lola, right?
Hi. I'm--I'm Sadie McCarthy.
I love your Instagram.
I feel like--
I feel like I know you.
You don't know me.
But thanks.
Ah, Iowa,
where, every four years,
the political universe
descends,
so that 300,000 Iowans
can determine the future
of our democracy.
The first contest
in our nation.
Sometimes, it's so close,
they have to toss a coin.
Let that thought sink in.
Some may never live,
but the crazy never die.
Three, two
This body isn't mine ♪
But I got a heart of gold ♪
Yo, I'm at this
chicken wing buffet,
AKA the Coachella
of the caucuses.
This is the first big stop
for all the candidates
who are trying
to win our votes,
although you already know
who has my heart.
This woman right here
convinced me
politics is not
just for boomers.
Y'all want to defund the police
and finally stand up
to the gun lobby?
She's our girl.
You have my credit card
and my private account.
What else
could you possibly need?
Yeah, I--I gotta go.
What was that about?
Annie wants me
to drive her to college.
She's got major anxiety about
transferring mid-semester.
Freshman year is
kind of a rite of passage.
So is the HPV vaccine.
Don't have kids.
It never ends with them.
Surprise, surprise.
No vegan options.
Good thing I always roll
with a backup.
Use my discount code LOLA
for 10% off,
and subscribe to my newsletter
for more nutrition tips.
What the hell is she doing?
She's paying her way
through sponsored content
and an advance from Substack.
Behold, the brave new world
of campaign reporting.
Making herself
a discount code
while promoting
the socialist candidate?
That's fucking hypocrisy.
Does she know anything
about journalism?
Doesn't matter.
She has more Twitter followers
than "The Washington Post."
I remember when you actually
had to be employed
by a legitimate news outlet.
And I remember when teenagers
didn't become household names
for surviving a mass shooting.
Fair.
This business is dying.
Want me to plug you in?
Gotta jump.
See you on the bus.
You've got scoop.
That's your scoop face. Spill.
You'll find out
when the world does.
Okay, okay.
With politics having
descended into one endless,
horrific reality show,
isn't the presidential primary
just a higher-stakes version
of "The Bachelor"?
The Geriatric,
the ultimate elder statesman.
Former CIA director
and Secretary of State.
The Action Star,
who joined the race
after a Twitter poll came out
saying that 46% of Americans
would vote for him regardless
of party affiliation.
The Freshman, who has made
our entire political system
seem accessible
to the everyman
or, as she'd say, everyperson.
Let's call him the
the Hot White Guy.
Because this
little-known Kansas mayor
could actually be
the Bachelor.
But he's polling dead last.
The Front-Runner.
Caroline Bennett has
the military vote
and writes mystery novels
under a pseudonym.
Yeah, I dig it.
It's fun, sassy,
and not at all what your editor
asked you to write.
Fuck him.
Shit.
Excuse me,
I'm Kimberlyn Kendrick
with Liberty--
- No, thanks.
- Excuse me.
- Ugh.
I'm Kimberlyn Kendrick
with Liberty Direct News.
I was hoping I could ask you
a couple of questions.
I have a question for you.
How do you sleep at night?
Like a baby
in a satin bonnet,
as secure as a Reagan economy.
Thank you.
Hey.
How does
a Labor Day wedding sound?
Too close to the general.
Christmas weekend?
My father will kill me
if we compete
with his Christmas.
I was thinking summer,
sometime after the primaries
but before the convention.
And by "I'm thinking,"
you mean
I've already pinned
two possible venues.
Virtual tours are
on our shared calendar,
but I can't talk right now.
If I'm gonna be
the next Gayle King,
I've got to land that promotion
and get on POTUS.
You will,
and Nellie Carmichael will be
dust in your rearview mirror.
Stop that.
Nellie's my friend.
I root for her.
She roots for me.
And I am rooting for you.
I gotta go.
We can never let our hearts
turn to stone,
and we can never let things
fall apart so much
that we cannot create a center,
where the future
of our children counts
more than the scars
of our past.
These days,
it's easy to lack conviction,
to go into our corners
and slander our enemies.
But America works better
when we confront them,
when we accept
that building a future
is not a God-given right.
It's work.
It's obligation.
It's duty.
"Democratic
presidential candidates
"threw jabs at Republicans
and each other
"at the annual
Cluck into the Caucuses
fundraising dinner."
Why are you reading me
back to me?
"Throwing jabs"--
I'm just confirming,
that's what you meant to send?
Is there something wrong
with it?
It's okay,
in a clichéd Politico way.
It just doesn't have
your normal color.
Yes, but I don't do color
anymore, you see,
because I am
an objective newsman.
I am above personal opinions
and basic hygiene.
Where are we
with the Bennett interview?
I have some calls out.
Look, I told you
that if you want to prove
to the masthead
that you deserve to be back,
you gotta get there first.
Remember, you're on thin ice.
- Yeah. Yeah.
I can do that.
Jamie loves me.
I wrote
her great-grandfather's obit.
Yeah, well,
Jamie had a breakdown
and opened a country store
in Cobble Hill.
- What?
- D.C. is hearing
that Bennett just poached
a new press secretary.
Go through him.
- Fine.
Who is it?
- Some guy named--
Big boy pants
'cause my pockets is thick ♪
Hello Kitty keychain
hang straight from my hip ♪
Got a big boy bag,
got a big boy drip ♪
Make a little girl sad
'cause a big boy rich ♪
I'm a girl, I'm a girl,
I'm a girl, I know ♪
But I got a big mouth
and a big boy flow ♪
Yeah, they only wanna listen
when the bitches being hos ♪
But you're an incel,
I can tell, I know ♪
Wait, is that it?
Is that the whole song?
Boys rule, girls drool,
that's just the facts ♪
And if you think
any different ♪
Then you're gonna
get smacked ♪
Flat back on the floor ♪
Nice, love it, feminism ♪
Big boy pants
'cause my pockets is thick ♪
Hello Kitty keychain
hang straight from my hip ♪
Got a big boy bag,
got a big boy drip ♪
Make a little girl sad
'cause ♪
Shit.
Loafers?
You've gotta be kidding me.
I wish I was.
And I can't tell Bruce.
If he finds out,
he'll pull me off Bennett,
and I really, really need
to prove myself.
How did your ex go
from bagman
to press secretary
in one cycle?
"Ex" is a bold term.
And he always was
an ambition monster.
And how did it end
between you two?
Bad enough that I can
definitely see him
cockblocking my interview,
which, you know,
my entire career
and livelihood are resting on.
Skip it.
There's better stories
out there than Bennett.
Where are you right now?
I'm drinking alone.
In Chicago
with Charlie and Annie.
I caved.
- Hey, Sadie.
Oh, good for you.
Hi, Annie.
She's been gone or on
the phone all day, Sadie.
Dad and I did all the work.
Hello.
Are these my bras I'm folding?
I take it your tip
didn't pan out?
Find another story.
And for the last time,
what's my number one rule?
both: Don't fuck the flack.
My mother,
ladies and gentlemen.
- I gotta go.
Hello, Charles.
Harry.
- Grandpa!
- Sweetie pie!
Hi, Dad.
Hey. Hey there. Hey.
- Oh.
So, uh, what are the odds
that you'd give me the first
interview with Bennett?
Run it on the front,
Sunday edition.
Sadie.
If I was drowning
in a tsunami of cow shit,
and you were the only one
with a lifeboat and Febreze,
I would not give this to you.
That's funny.
So you're still mad?
- It was--how long ago was it?
Three years?
- Yeah, three years.
Three years ago,
and you know what, I seem
to remember you being the one
that always said,
what happens on the road
stays on the road.
Did I?
You know, I think I was
referring to Jell-O shots
in Milwaukee when I said that,
not our entire relationship.
Relation--see,
I don't think I realized
we were in
a full-on relationship.
You haven't changed one bit.
Yeah, well,
we could have talked about it,
if you hadn't hopped
on an Acela and fled to D.C.
You know,
it was a Delta shuttle.
- Oh, so sorry.
- And unlike you,
I chose not to spend
the off cycle sulking
and, um, writing
about a dead duck.
She was a Chinese mallard.
The Governor is excited
to be back in Iowa
to talk to real Americans
about real solutions.
Just ten minutes.
We have no further comment.
I liked you better
when you were a bagman.
Bet you did.
Kimberlyn.
- Hey.
Hey. Already?
I'm trying
to get work done, okay?
Theresa, hi.
Hi, it's--it's Sadie McCarthy
from "The New York Sentinel."
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I get that.
But just tell Bennett
that the first interview
has to be with "The Sentinel."
Long time. Yeah. Yeah.
Random question.
You and Bennett play
pickleball together, right?
Yes, my editor put me
back on politics.
Jamie, Jamie,
surely you still have hope.
No. No.
I can't go through
her press secretary
for reasons I cannot get into.
No, I'm not in the bathroom.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!
Who's got
the first cable sit-down
with Caroline Bennett?
- Liberty Direct News.
Liberty Direct News?
Not exactly a friendly outlet.
Who is it? Nellie Carmichael?
Actually, it's gonna be
with Kimberlyn Kendrick.
Kimberlyn? Uh-huh.
All right. Thanks.
Kimberlyn Kendrick.
Venti cinnamon
almond milk macchiato.
Bingo.
Saying yes
to your own wellness
Saying yes
to your own wellness
often means saying no
to others.
If you keep saying yes
to everyone,
you will have nothing left
for yourself.
Good morning, Nellie!
Oh.
No, honey, you sound awful.
Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry.
Is there anything
I can do to help?
Oh, Nellie, that event is,
like, two hours away, right?
No, no. It's fine. Fine, no.
I got you. Just feel better.
Hi, fam!
I'm at the University of Iowa.
And before we get some action
with our candidate crush,
I want to break down
some of her talking points.
So first, Green New Deal is not
just gonna save our planet
from all the shit
that we have done to it--
fucking straws--
but it's also gonna
save your future
by creating a green economy
and bridge the wealth gap.
We'll be making a living wage
on our wind farm,
so we're not gonna have to win
the next round of "Squid Game"
just to buy dad a new kidney.
Amazing. I know.
Next, when y'all hear my girl
bring up MMT,
she's not telling you
to "meet me there."
She's talking about
Modern Monetary Theory.
So you know
how we're always hearing
how we have to balance
our budget?
No. We don't.
We have enough money to pay
for everything
that society needs.
All we have to do
is hit print.
Kimberlyn?
It's Sadie.
I'm so pissed.
They messed up my coffee order.
Do you want my venti cinnamon
almond milk macchiato?
Hi.
- Thank you.
- Oh.
Enjoy.
I am still waiting, y'all,
and I'm fully about to get
a UTI from holding my pee.
But you gotta sacrifice
for the cause.
I'm trying to get y'all
some legit face time
with the candidate.
- Hi.
Here she comes.
Hi. Hi.
Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
'Scuse me, 'scuse me.
Congresswoman,
do you really believe
that redistribution will
benefit the poor
when capitalism has lifted--
Oh, thank you.
So nice to meet you.
Whoo!
Do you really believe
that redistribution will
benefit the poor
when capitalism has lifted
more people out of poverty
than any other economic system?
Why are you afraid
of Liberty Direct News?
Maybe because
you're the devil.
Oh, says the party
that's supposed
to stand up for free speech.
Your network's words
are literally violence.
Words are not violence.
Get out of here!
Stop! What are you doing?
Whoa, whoa!
Stop it! No!
Guys, stop!
crowd: [chanting] Far Right
fake news has got to go!
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Far Right fake news
has got to go!
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Lola Rahaii just turned
a panel about monetary policy
into a livestream
of a mini riot.
Guaranteed NOTD.
Being in the right place
at the right time
doesn't make you a reporter.
It doesn't?
She goes to all
the cool protest marches.
I heard she chained herself
to a chicken processing plant
in Ames
to protest inhumane conditions.
Why do you sound jealous?
You ate half the coop
at the buffet yesterday.
I'm--I'm just saying,
it must be nice
to stand up
for what you believe in
and still have a job.
She doesn't have a job.
She has a phone.
Sadie, get off Instagram.
Your dad's taking you
to breakfast in half an hour.
I'm leaving, unless you need me
to fold something else
or give you a sex talk.
You gave me the sex talk
when I was five.
I was the only girl
in kindergarten
who knew the word "vulva."
Accuracy matters.
Okay, you two.
Be good. Don't get pregnant.
Abortions are now illegal
pretty much everywhere.
Mom. Ugh.
What he/him Iowan
do I have to blow
to get a Lyft out here?
Y'all, send help.
- Wait.
I'm in the middle
of an Iowan farm.
Help!
Why is Kimberlyn with Lola?
So what's Uber saying?
Lyft. We Lyft.
And it's completing
a nearby trip.
In fucking Omaha?
Ugh!
Motherfucking shit cunt.
Oh, my God, I'm being canceled?
No, no, no!
No good deed, man.
No fucking good deed.
Okay, so, Lola, I need you
to focus on getting us a ride,
because I'm gonna be late
for an interview.
Okay, chill!
I didn't make you late.
If you had a thing
in Des Moines,
why'd you bounce
all the way to Iowa City?
My friend was sick,
and she asked me to cover.
Women help women.
Kind of like
what I just did for you?
I wasn't sure
you identified as a woman,
and I would hate to misgender.
Okay, I'm sorry, Kimmy.
I think that you were
trying to drag me just now,
but that might have been
the wisest thing
that I've ever heard you say.
Like you've ever
even watched me.
You don't know me.
I watch everyone.
Know thy enemy, just don't
give them all your energy.
Oh, is that from
one of your buttons?
Honestly,
I don't mean to be rude,
but are you even a reporter?
According to The Cut,
I am the eyes and ears
of my entire generation.
What about you?
What's a Black woman doing
working at Liberty
White Nationalist News?
You want to do this
right now?
Okay, let's do this.
I know what Liberty is.
They are racist,
because everyone is racist.
At least they're honest
about it.
It's better than
condescending Democrats
trying to tell me
that I'm a victim,
and only they know
what's best for me.
I'm not a Democrat,
just for the record.
Yo.
- Lola!
- Oh, is that the driver?
What's he saying?
- It's Sadie McCarthy.
- Who?
- From "The Sentinel."
We met the other night?
Never mind.
Can I talk to Kimberlyn?
Yeah. It's for you.
- This is Kimberlyn.
- Kimberlyn! Sadie McCarthy.
I, uh--I see that you and Lola
are currently stranded,
and I'm wondering
how you plan to make it back
in time for your interview
with Governor Bennett.
I appreciate
your concern, Sadie,
but I've got everything
under control.
My Uber will be here
any minute.
- Lyft!
- Well, if you're not on
the road within the next
five minutes,
you're never gonna make it
in time.
Do you see that pickup
headed your way?
That's my friend Billy,
and his truck has
the horsepower to get you back
in plenty of time.
Why would you help me?
Look, it's very simple.
You tell me
where you're scheduled
to meet Governor Bennett,
and the truck is yours.
Yeah, no, I'm not
giving you my exclusive.
You won't be!
My story won't publish
until after
your interview hits.
That's the beauty of print.
We're slow as shit.
Are you with Lyft?
Come on!
Ugh, you know what? Fine.
Room 211.
Thank you!
- Are you Billy?
- Yep.
You coming?
I think I'll wait for Eddie
and his white Toyota Camry.
No offense, but you're toxic
for my brand.
Okay.
Why, Iowa?
Jesus Christ.
You are relentless.
- Thank you.
So, uh, pleading
with every member
of her kindergarten class,
that didn't work out for you,
so now you are
storming the castle.
Governor's already arranged
a first interview--
With Liberty Direct News, yeah.
I know. Seriously?
They spent the entire
last cycle saying a woman
couldn't be commander-in-chief,
PMS and all.
Black female correspondent.
Hits all the demos
but speaks to the red states.
It polled in the '90s.
- Yup. Yup.
The '90s.
Only things
that poll in the '90s
are kittens and Kelly Clarkson.
And we're supposed to shift
our whole strategy
'cause Sadie McCarthy wants in?
It's not happening.
If you knew
the pressure I was under--
The pressure you're under?
Sadie, we're running
for president.
We have four days
until the caucus.
That gives me 5,760 minutes--
- What?
- I went to Yale--
to convince
the good people of Iowa
to caucus for Governor Bennett,
and I'm just--
I'm wasting two of them
talking to you.
Dale.
Hey.
Hi.
Hey, it's me.
I, uh--I gave you
a coffee earlier.
Hey, I was wondering,
can I borrow your cart
for ten minutes?
Okay, here's the deal.
I screwed up at work,
and my bosses gave me
a second chance,
and then this is it.
This moment right now,
we are--here we are,
and I have to nail
this interview
to prove I can do this,
not just to my boss,
but to all of
the Dale Petersons of the world
who are just waiting
for us to screw up
so they can take our jobs.
Actually, you know what?
They're not even waiting
for us to screw up.
They are happy
to steal our jobs
right out from under us.
They don't even need a reason.
They just get to win,
even though Nate Silver
promised us they wouldn't.
Fuck Nate Silver.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Housekeeping!
Hi. I'm not housekeeping.
I was just hoping to talk to--
- What's going on?
Governor Bennett,
Sadie McCarthy.
Governor, Governor!
I'm so sorry, Governor.
I already told her
your schedule is full.
- I just need five minutes.
- Sadie McCarthy.
Your byline is
appointment reading.
I loved your obituary
of the Central Park duck.
She was a Chinese mallard.
All right, Governor Bennett,
I promised
I'd keep it short,
so I have two questions.
What are five things you want
America to know about you?
That's five questions.
And the second?
How are you going
to break our hearts?
Ah.
Well, I could tell you
about my next mystery novel.
It's about
a wrongly-accused pastry chef.
I'm calling it
"Flour in the Attic."
And I'm sure I could rattle off
a few fun facts
folks don't know about me,
but I'd rather answer
your second question.
Because that's the one
that's really scary, isn't it?
How am I going
to screw this up?
Let's talk about that.
Let's talk about
As she articulated
her hopes,
her dreams,
her eyes never leaving mine,
I could feel the familiar
shiver down my spine.
I remembered what it felt like
to fall in love.
I should have resisted,
but I didn't.
- Thanks, Billy.
- You're welcome.
Kimberlyn.
I just tried to call you.
Oh, no, you didn't just
send me on a wild goose chase
to steal my interview!
Oh, my God, sweetie, no.
I was suddenly feeling better,
you were miles away,
and I do not want us
to lose this opportunity.
Yeah, don't worry.
We won't.
Hi, I'm Kimberlyn Kendrick
with Liberty Direct News.
Is the Governor ready?
Kenny!
I heard ISIS was
in the lobby.
Maybe you could get a sit-down.
"We are
sentient human beings
"who can't help
but pick a side.
To pretend otherwise
is to deceive readers."
Why are you reading me
back to me?
Just shh.
Don't interrupt.
"I want to pour my soul
into every story,
wrestle with the facts
and come out with the truth."
both: "I want to tell you
what I really think
about the candidates."
"And the state
of our fragile democracy.
In doing so, I will reinvent."
both: "I will heal."
"And maybe my readers
will heal with me."
You hate it.
- I didn't say that.
- It's too gonzo.
You want me to tone it down.
I can tone it down.
I'll do another pass.
I'll get it--
Did I say I want you
to tone it down?
Well, you're not
saying anything,
which is really
freaking me out!
It's good, Sadie.
It's not objective,
which is the one thing
we asked you to do.
But--hell, I don't know.
Maybe objectivity
isn't as important
as authenticity here.
I'm sorry.
Would you care to repeat that
on the record?
You have a point of view,
and you're honest about it.
We've been objective
for hundreds of years,
and our readers trust us
less than ever before.
Maybe we're doing
something wrong.
I've convinced the masthead
to run it on the front.
Oh!
Better hurry if we're
gonna make the bulldog.
Page one, bitch!
Whoo!
Band or DJ?
Both.
Seafood tower
or no seafood tower?
If we're not gonna have
a seafood tower,
why bother getting married
in the first place?
My mom is worried
that the venues you liked
are a little too small.
She wants us to go
check out Cipriani
and the botanical gardens
when we have time.
Baby?
Are you zoning out on me?
"Great job on the Governor,
but the network felt
"viewers would respond more
to Nellie.
"She got POTUS detail.
You stay on the Dems."
"Respond more to Nellie."
Well, we know what that means.
It means
what it always means,
and you will rise above
like you always do.
Oh, I'm so sick
of having to rise above!
I was chapter president
of my sorority!
I was on
the "Harvard Law Review"!
I am the only Black woman
to ever headline
the Young Republicans
Convention.
And I landed
the fucking exclusive!
God damn, what more do
these people want from me?
That's right, baby.
Let it out!
She was being
attacked, Ashley.
Violence against women
isn't a partisan issue!
"Black lives matter"
doesn't only apply to people
with our same politics!
I mean, screw them.
I'll find another sponsor.
Their protein bars
tasted like ass anyway.
"Governor Caroline Bennett,
the leading candidate
"in the Democratic race
for president,
"allegedly engaged
in an erotic club,
"recruiting vulnerable
women and men
"to join her
in illicit sexual activity,
"according to a source
with direct knowledge
of the underground club's
existence in Chicago."
Fucking Grace.
Hey!
Heads-up would have been nice.
I just wrote a Bennett blowjob!
Oh, I'm sorry, Sadie.
Did I forget to mention
that the candidate I work for
is a sexual deviant whose past
may have included wild orgies?
My bad.
- The story's spreading
like scabies online already.
I look--I look like
a goddamn idiot!
Is she dropping out?
Why would she drop out?
These egregious allegations
are totally unfounded.
Come on. Really?
Off the record,
she refuses to drop out,
even though we're done.
Are you okay?
Uh, yeah.
It's just politics.
Well, you don't look okay.
Hey, Sadie, come on.
I don't have time.
And it's not just politics.
It never has been.
Not for you. Not for me.
We were always the believers.
Yeah, look where that got us.
Hey, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
Sorry.
I'm sorry that I ghosted you.
Even if I wasn't fully aware
that we were serious.
We talked about
moving in together in D.C.
So much alcohol.
I'm--I'm not--
I'm not great
at relationships.
It wasn't you.
Uh, well, um,
on deep background
I hadn't heard about anything
worse than a parking ticket
till Grace reached out
for comment.
Why didn't this come out
in self-oppo?
She refused to do self-oppo.
I guess it's hard
to see our own flaws.
Yeah.
I know, I know, I know.
Dale is writing the leadoff
for the front.
We still have time
to make late editions.
And my story?
We run it web-only,
linking to Dale's piece.
Stay on the bus
until she drops out.
Gah!
God damn it.
How come your luggage
doesn't squeak?
Seven cycles, bitch.
You'll get there.
I'm sorry about the story.
I know Bennett was
an important get for you.
Well, you dropped the hints.
I should have
picked up on them.
So Chicago.
That was a really nice thing
you did for Annie.
Mm.
But I noticed that your story
had a Chicago dateline.
Did you take Annie to college
to chase a source?
It was a really big scoop.
- I'm allowed to multitask.
Mother of the year.
Sorry.
- Oh, don't be. You're lucky.
Nobody expects you to be
Martha Stewart
and Bob Woodward.
There was a time
when career women
couldn't be childless messes.
Oh, my God!
Y'all do understand that gender
is a social construct, right?
Tell that to my pelvic floor.
Kimmy! Oh!
Ruiner of my career.
Come. Come, come, come.
Join our elite
media drinking game.
Take a shot every time somebody
says "source" or "scoop."
- You do realize
that if Liberty had broken
that story,
it would have been dismissed
as a partisan hit job.
But the liberal media gets it,
and it's,
"All hail the scoop queen!"
Hey, that's one!
We're not liberal.
We're objective.
- Yeah.
Keep telling yourself that.
Well, Bennett's done.
So can we objectively agree
that we're all riding
a zombie bus to nowhere?
Yo, print.
Old-school.
- Lola Rahaii.
- Hi.
I saw your TikTok.
The way you broke down
the Green New Deal,
that was super dope.
We should do a one-on-one
at some point.
Yeah. Yeah.
Congresswoman,
your car is here.
I'll find you.
Hey, sweetie.
I know yesterday was super
intense for the both of us,
but I hope
we can still be friends.
Let me make myself
very clear.
I'm gonna do
what our bosses ask me to do.
I'll cover the Democrats,
and I will exceed
their expectations
until I don't just have
your job,
I have any job I want,
and you're back waiting tables
at a Hooters in Plano.
So by all means,
underestimate me.
That'll be fun.
Get out.
Back off, boys.
These seats are reserved
for the major dailies.
Keep moving.
"Wall Street Journal."
Don't mind if I do.
Well, I'll just do it
on here.
Thanks so much.
Did you get that, Tim?
We gotta do it on the app.
Oh!
- Oh, I'm sorry!
Sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
- No, that's--
Sadie McCarthy.
- Yes.
I just read
your article online.
It was good.
Too bad it had
the shelf life of sashimi.
Thank you?
Hey, I dug
your speech yesterday.
- Oh.
- Too bad you have
no chance in hell
of winning this thing.
Ouch.
How about this?
If I make it to Nevada,
you do a piece on me.
I'm gonna miss my bus.
- Okay.
Yeah.
That was weird.
Sorry.
I'm sorry. Hey.
Thanks for holding
the bus for me.
You really think I'd do that?
Have you met me?
There's gridlock on the I-80.
Oh, great.
To be a journalist
is to have a calling.
It's not a life you choose.
It chooses you.
For as long as I can remember,
all I wanted was
to brave the storms of life
and write words that mattered.
And just like the boys
on the bus who came before me,
I was determined to seek
more than just the facts.
I wanted the truth.
And I wasn't alone.
We may have started
as competitors,
but we would end as a family.
This is a story
about the kind of friendship
you never knew you needed
but can't live without.
We didn't realize it
at the time,
but our journey was about
to take one hell of a turn.
One that would bring
all of us together
and force us
to risk everything
to save our fragile democracy
or go down with it.
I don't wanna lose myself
again ♪
Greg, move your head.
Bye!
I know what you're thinking,
and I didn't do it.
But as any political
journalist can tell you,
these days, the truth is
whatever you want to believe.
So here's my truth
about how it all went down.
I get up in the evening ♪
And I ain't got nothing
to say ♪
I come home in the morning ♪
I go to bed
feeling the same way ♪
Hey!
Hey!
Yeah, oh, my God, of course!
Yeah, I get into Iowa
late tonight.
Yeah, well,
I still have to pack.
What--I'm gonna make it.
I always make it.
The Bennett campaign flew
her Yorkie first-class?
Did it have its own seat?
I gotta use--can I use that?
Oh, I gotta--
I'll call you back.
Bye.
Hello?
- McCarthy!
You will never get another
interview with the Speaker.
Josh, Josh, Josh,
if you would let me talk
well, you read my profiles.
What did you expect?
Sadie McCarthy.
Oh, hey, yeah.
Do you think I could go
boxing with Caroline,
and it's sort of a metaphor
for her role as governor?
No, it was--
- Sadie.
I know.
I know, but no one's gonna
cover the--
McCarthy.
Come see me.
Listen, I have
to call you back.
It won't be long. Bye.
It's happening, Hunter.
Even if we're just dancing
in the dark ♪
Hey, what's up?
Oh, hey.
I'm putting you
on the old man's bus.
- What? Are you--what--why?
- No, I know, I know.
You want Caroline Bennett.
- Uh, yeah.
She's the front-runner,
and I spent months
buttering up all of my contacts
inside her campaign.
Well, I've already
assigned Dale.
Fuck Dale!
Look, I really need you
covering the old man.
Only you could find
a fresh angle.
I mean, you see things
that other reporters don't see.
So you're punishing me
for being good at my job.
No. No.
No, the newsroom brass
is still burned.
They worry
that you live and write
in a more emotional space.
That is such bullshit!
Felicity Walker.
What about her?
Aside from the fact that she
should be president right now.
- See? See? There it is.
- I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Come on!
Look, you wanted her to win,
and it showed in your work.
Hell, it showed on television.
I mean,
your crying became a meme.
I don't think that--
The media is under attack.
We cannot show
even a hint of bias.
Sadie, you're a great writer,
but you lead with your heart.
And we need you
to lead with your head.
Well, Hunter S. Thompson
didn't just write what he saw.
He wrote how he felt.
He found a deeper truth,
which is what made him
a legend.
You gotta stop romanticizing
"The Boys on the Bus."
Hunter S. Thompson was a legend
in 1973.
Today, he would be
an HR crisis.
Bruce.
It was my first time
on the trail.
You gotta give me
another chance.
If I could assure my bosses
that you have changed
and get you assigned
to Bennett
Yes?
You have to prove
that you can write objectively.
Okay.
And--and you have to land
the first interview.
Done.
Yes. Okay. All right.
You're not gonna regret this.
Why this obsession
with politics?
I love what you've been
writing lately.
That obit you did
on the Central Park duck?
I mean, that's a masterpiece.
That.
That was good.
But this is a chance
at the White House.
You said that the last time.
The road is my home.
Oh, okay, Jack Kerouac.
Try to make more than
one friend this time, okay?
They're not my friends.
They're the competition.
All right, y'all.
I got my gummies.
I got my headphones.
I got my ring lights.
Tell me, am I forgetting
something important?
Going once, going twice.
Damn.
How could I forget? Ah!
Could y'all imagine
if I had forgotten
my best little friend?
Ahh!
Thank you, thank you.
All right, y'all,
first up is Iowa.
Let's do this.
Okay. What am I forgetting?
- Power heels.
- Check.
- Passion planner.
- Ooh, thank you.
Check.
Invisalign.
Check.
Fiancé?
Kimberlyn Anaya Kendrick,
will you marry me?
I've been on the trail
for three decades.
I have 2 1/2 million points.
I have seen the inside of more
Marriotts than Eliot Spitzer.
All I want is a corner room
on a lower floor,
away from the elevator,
with a view
not of the dumpsters,
hypoallergenic pillows,
and blackout shades
that actually work.
How many points
do I need for that?
Ma-a-a-ation ♪
And it feels nice ♪
Kimberlyn Kendrick
checking in.
- Hi, are you Lola?
- Welcome back, Grace.
- Hi! Yeah.
- Oh, my God!
It's so nice to meet you.
We're big fans.
Send it to me on signal.
Fleez and me eating nuts
in the leaves ♪
That's where we dance
to ESG ♪
Ah.
That better be a Long Island.
Oh, my God, Grace!
Reunited
and it feels so good ♪
Aren't you 40 yet?
Will you stop singing?
Hi, Sam. Two Yellowtails.
Oh, I guess.
Why not?
So Bruce let you
out of the rubber room
after your meltdown.
Bruce didn't seem
too concerned.
Thanks.
I just had to promise him
that this time around,
I'm going to remain detached,
objective, and mostly sober.
So who are you assigned to?
Caroline Bennett.
She reformed public schools
as a governor.
She has a military background.
Oh, and she publishes
murder mystery novels
under a pseudonym.
She could be the real deal.
- You sound really detached.
- Oh, stop.
And don't you worry about me.
I have learned my lesson.
I just need to get that
first interview with Bennett,
and then I will be back
in Bruce's good graces.
This scoop, if you actually
want to call it that, Abby,
entirely misses what's
really going on in this race.
He's shitting
on your reporting again.
Why does he do that?
Ugh, fuck him.
Who cares what that dinosaur
has to say anymore?
Christ.
The Right has arrived.
- Oh, God.
- Absolutely, Nellie.
I know you want that job
as much as I do.
Whatever happens happens.
I heard Nellie Carmichael
had her makeup
tattooed to her face.
What did you say?
She said she heard
your makeup has been
tattooed to your face.
Speaking of makeup,
I hope your mascara's
waterproof this cycle, Sadie.
That was
three years ago, Nellie.
John Edwards lived down
a love child faster than this.
Kay?
- Don't engage.
Don't engage.
- Uh-huh.
I'll be right back.
Yo, hook me up with a Pabst.
It's Lola, right?
Hi. I'm--I'm Sadie McCarthy.
I love your Instagram.
I feel like--
I feel like I know you.
You don't know me.
But thanks.
Ah, Iowa,
where, every four years,
the political universe
descends,
so that 300,000 Iowans
can determine the future
of our democracy.
The first contest
in our nation.
Sometimes, it's so close,
they have to toss a coin.
Let that thought sink in.
Some may never live,
but the crazy never die.
Three, two
This body isn't mine ♪
But I got a heart of gold ♪
Yo, I'm at this
chicken wing buffet,
AKA the Coachella
of the caucuses.
This is the first big stop
for all the candidates
who are trying
to win our votes,
although you already know
who has my heart.
This woman right here
convinced me
politics is not
just for boomers.
Y'all want to defund the police
and finally stand up
to the gun lobby?
She's our girl.
You have my credit card
and my private account.
What else
could you possibly need?
Yeah, I--I gotta go.
What was that about?
Annie wants me
to drive her to college.
She's got major anxiety about
transferring mid-semester.
Freshman year is
kind of a rite of passage.
So is the HPV vaccine.
Don't have kids.
It never ends with them.
Surprise, surprise.
No vegan options.
Good thing I always roll
with a backup.
Use my discount code LOLA
for 10% off,
and subscribe to my newsletter
for more nutrition tips.
What the hell is she doing?
She's paying her way
through sponsored content
and an advance from Substack.
Behold, the brave new world
of campaign reporting.
Making herself
a discount code
while promoting
the socialist candidate?
That's fucking hypocrisy.
Does she know anything
about journalism?
Doesn't matter.
She has more Twitter followers
than "The Washington Post."
I remember when you actually
had to be employed
by a legitimate news outlet.
And I remember when teenagers
didn't become household names
for surviving a mass shooting.
Fair.
This business is dying.
Want me to plug you in?
Gotta jump.
See you on the bus.
You've got scoop.
That's your scoop face. Spill.
You'll find out
when the world does.
Okay, okay.
With politics having
descended into one endless,
horrific reality show,
isn't the presidential primary
just a higher-stakes version
of "The Bachelor"?
The Geriatric,
the ultimate elder statesman.
Former CIA director
and Secretary of State.
The Action Star,
who joined the race
after a Twitter poll came out
saying that 46% of Americans
would vote for him regardless
of party affiliation.
The Freshman, who has made
our entire political system
seem accessible
to the everyman
or, as she'd say, everyperson.
Let's call him the
the Hot White Guy.
Because this
little-known Kansas mayor
could actually be
the Bachelor.
But he's polling dead last.
The Front-Runner.
Caroline Bennett has
the military vote
and writes mystery novels
under a pseudonym.
Yeah, I dig it.
It's fun, sassy,
and not at all what your editor
asked you to write.
Fuck him.
Shit.
Excuse me,
I'm Kimberlyn Kendrick
with Liberty--
- No, thanks.
- Excuse me.
- Ugh.
I'm Kimberlyn Kendrick
with Liberty Direct News.
I was hoping I could ask you
a couple of questions.
I have a question for you.
How do you sleep at night?
Like a baby
in a satin bonnet,
as secure as a Reagan economy.
Thank you.
Hey.
How does
a Labor Day wedding sound?
Too close to the general.
Christmas weekend?
My father will kill me
if we compete
with his Christmas.
I was thinking summer,
sometime after the primaries
but before the convention.
And by "I'm thinking,"
you mean
I've already pinned
two possible venues.
Virtual tours are
on our shared calendar,
but I can't talk right now.
If I'm gonna be
the next Gayle King,
I've got to land that promotion
and get on POTUS.
You will,
and Nellie Carmichael will be
dust in your rearview mirror.
Stop that.
Nellie's my friend.
I root for her.
She roots for me.
And I am rooting for you.
I gotta go.
We can never let our hearts
turn to stone,
and we can never let things
fall apart so much
that we cannot create a center,
where the future
of our children counts
more than the scars
of our past.
These days,
it's easy to lack conviction,
to go into our corners
and slander our enemies.
But America works better
when we confront them,
when we accept
that building a future
is not a God-given right.
It's work.
It's obligation.
It's duty.
"Democratic
presidential candidates
"threw jabs at Republicans
and each other
"at the annual
Cluck into the Caucuses
fundraising dinner."
Why are you reading me
back to me?
"Throwing jabs"--
I'm just confirming,
that's what you meant to send?
Is there something wrong
with it?
It's okay,
in a clichéd Politico way.
It just doesn't have
your normal color.
Yes, but I don't do color
anymore, you see,
because I am
an objective newsman.
I am above personal opinions
and basic hygiene.
Where are we
with the Bennett interview?
I have some calls out.
Look, I told you
that if you want to prove
to the masthead
that you deserve to be back,
you gotta get there first.
Remember, you're on thin ice.
- Yeah. Yeah.
I can do that.
Jamie loves me.
I wrote
her great-grandfather's obit.
Yeah, well,
Jamie had a breakdown
and opened a country store
in Cobble Hill.
- What?
- D.C. is hearing
that Bennett just poached
a new press secretary.
Go through him.
- Fine.
Who is it?
- Some guy named--
Big boy pants
'cause my pockets is thick ♪
Hello Kitty keychain
hang straight from my hip ♪
Got a big boy bag,
got a big boy drip ♪
Make a little girl sad
'cause a big boy rich ♪
I'm a girl, I'm a girl,
I'm a girl, I know ♪
But I got a big mouth
and a big boy flow ♪
Yeah, they only wanna listen
when the bitches being hos ♪
But you're an incel,
I can tell, I know ♪
Wait, is that it?
Is that the whole song?
Boys rule, girls drool,
that's just the facts ♪
And if you think
any different ♪
Then you're gonna
get smacked ♪
Flat back on the floor ♪
Nice, love it, feminism ♪
Big boy pants
'cause my pockets is thick ♪
Hello Kitty keychain
hang straight from my hip ♪
Got a big boy bag,
got a big boy drip ♪
Make a little girl sad
'cause ♪
Shit.
Loafers?
You've gotta be kidding me.
I wish I was.
And I can't tell Bruce.
If he finds out,
he'll pull me off Bennett,
and I really, really need
to prove myself.
How did your ex go
from bagman
to press secretary
in one cycle?
"Ex" is a bold term.
And he always was
an ambition monster.
And how did it end
between you two?
Bad enough that I can
definitely see him
cockblocking my interview,
which, you know,
my entire career
and livelihood are resting on.
Skip it.
There's better stories
out there than Bennett.
Where are you right now?
I'm drinking alone.
In Chicago
with Charlie and Annie.
I caved.
- Hey, Sadie.
Oh, good for you.
Hi, Annie.
She's been gone or on
the phone all day, Sadie.
Dad and I did all the work.
Hello.
Are these my bras I'm folding?
I take it your tip
didn't pan out?
Find another story.
And for the last time,
what's my number one rule?
both: Don't fuck the flack.
My mother,
ladies and gentlemen.
- I gotta go.
Hello, Charles.
Harry.
- Grandpa!
- Sweetie pie!
Hi, Dad.
Hey. Hey there. Hey.
- Oh.
So, uh, what are the odds
that you'd give me the first
interview with Bennett?
Run it on the front,
Sunday edition.
Sadie.
If I was drowning
in a tsunami of cow shit,
and you were the only one
with a lifeboat and Febreze,
I would not give this to you.
That's funny.
So you're still mad?
- It was--how long ago was it?
Three years?
- Yeah, three years.
Three years ago,
and you know what, I seem
to remember you being the one
that always said,
what happens on the road
stays on the road.
Did I?
You know, I think I was
referring to Jell-O shots
in Milwaukee when I said that,
not our entire relationship.
Relation--see,
I don't think I realized
we were in
a full-on relationship.
You haven't changed one bit.
Yeah, well,
we could have talked about it,
if you hadn't hopped
on an Acela and fled to D.C.
You know,
it was a Delta shuttle.
- Oh, so sorry.
- And unlike you,
I chose not to spend
the off cycle sulking
and, um, writing
about a dead duck.
She was a Chinese mallard.
The Governor is excited
to be back in Iowa
to talk to real Americans
about real solutions.
Just ten minutes.
We have no further comment.
I liked you better
when you were a bagman.
Bet you did.
Kimberlyn.
- Hey.
Hey. Already?
I'm trying
to get work done, okay?
Theresa, hi.
Hi, it's--it's Sadie McCarthy
from "The New York Sentinel."
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I get that.
But just tell Bennett
that the first interview
has to be with "The Sentinel."
Long time. Yeah. Yeah.
Random question.
You and Bennett play
pickleball together, right?
Yes, my editor put me
back on politics.
Jamie, Jamie,
surely you still have hope.
No. No.
I can't go through
her press secretary
for reasons I cannot get into.
No, I'm not in the bathroom.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck!
Who's got
the first cable sit-down
with Caroline Bennett?
- Liberty Direct News.
Liberty Direct News?
Not exactly a friendly outlet.
Who is it? Nellie Carmichael?
Actually, it's gonna be
with Kimberlyn Kendrick.
Kimberlyn? Uh-huh.
All right. Thanks.
Kimberlyn Kendrick.
Venti cinnamon
almond milk macchiato.
Bingo.
Saying yes
to your own wellness
Saying yes
to your own wellness
often means saying no
to others.
If you keep saying yes
to everyone,
you will have nothing left
for yourself.
Good morning, Nellie!
Oh.
No, honey, you sound awful.
Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry.
Is there anything
I can do to help?
Oh, Nellie, that event is,
like, two hours away, right?
No, no. It's fine. Fine, no.
I got you. Just feel better.
Hi, fam!
I'm at the University of Iowa.
And before we get some action
with our candidate crush,
I want to break down
some of her talking points.
So first, Green New Deal is not
just gonna save our planet
from all the shit
that we have done to it--
fucking straws--
but it's also gonna
save your future
by creating a green economy
and bridge the wealth gap.
We'll be making a living wage
on our wind farm,
so we're not gonna have to win
the next round of "Squid Game"
just to buy dad a new kidney.
Amazing. I know.
Next, when y'all hear my girl
bring up MMT,
she's not telling you
to "meet me there."
She's talking about
Modern Monetary Theory.
So you know
how we're always hearing
how we have to balance
our budget?
No. We don't.
We have enough money to pay
for everything
that society needs.
All we have to do
is hit print.
Kimberlyn?
It's Sadie.
I'm so pissed.
They messed up my coffee order.
Do you want my venti cinnamon
almond milk macchiato?
Hi.
- Thank you.
- Oh.
Enjoy.
I am still waiting, y'all,
and I'm fully about to get
a UTI from holding my pee.
But you gotta sacrifice
for the cause.
I'm trying to get y'all
some legit face time
with the candidate.
- Hi.
Here she comes.
Hi. Hi.
Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
'Scuse me, 'scuse me.
Congresswoman,
do you really believe
that redistribution will
benefit the poor
when capitalism has lifted--
Oh, thank you.
So nice to meet you.
Whoo!
Do you really believe
that redistribution will
benefit the poor
when capitalism has lifted
more people out of poverty
than any other economic system?
Why are you afraid
of Liberty Direct News?
Maybe because
you're the devil.
Oh, says the party
that's supposed
to stand up for free speech.
Your network's words
are literally violence.
Words are not violence.
Get out of here!
Stop! What are you doing?
Whoa, whoa!
Stop it! No!
Guys, stop!
crowd: [chanting] Far Right
fake news has got to go!
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Far Right fake news
has got to go!
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Lola Rahaii just turned
a panel about monetary policy
into a livestream
of a mini riot.
Guaranteed NOTD.
Being in the right place
at the right time
doesn't make you a reporter.
It doesn't?
She goes to all
the cool protest marches.
I heard she chained herself
to a chicken processing plant
in Ames
to protest inhumane conditions.
Why do you sound jealous?
You ate half the coop
at the buffet yesterday.
I'm--I'm just saying,
it must be nice
to stand up
for what you believe in
and still have a job.
She doesn't have a job.
She has a phone.
Sadie, get off Instagram.
Your dad's taking you
to breakfast in half an hour.
I'm leaving, unless you need me
to fold something else
or give you a sex talk.
You gave me the sex talk
when I was five.
I was the only girl
in kindergarten
who knew the word "vulva."
Accuracy matters.
Okay, you two.
Be good. Don't get pregnant.
Abortions are now illegal
pretty much everywhere.
Mom. Ugh.
What he/him Iowan
do I have to blow
to get a Lyft out here?
Y'all, send help.
- Wait.
I'm in the middle
of an Iowan farm.
Help!
Why is Kimberlyn with Lola?
So what's Uber saying?
Lyft. We Lyft.
And it's completing
a nearby trip.
In fucking Omaha?
Ugh!
Motherfucking shit cunt.
Oh, my God, I'm being canceled?
No, no, no!
No good deed, man.
No fucking good deed.
Okay, so, Lola, I need you
to focus on getting us a ride,
because I'm gonna be late
for an interview.
Okay, chill!
I didn't make you late.
If you had a thing
in Des Moines,
why'd you bounce
all the way to Iowa City?
My friend was sick,
and she asked me to cover.
Women help women.
Kind of like
what I just did for you?
I wasn't sure
you identified as a woman,
and I would hate to misgender.
Okay, I'm sorry, Kimmy.
I think that you were
trying to drag me just now,
but that might have been
the wisest thing
that I've ever heard you say.
Like you've ever
even watched me.
You don't know me.
I watch everyone.
Know thy enemy, just don't
give them all your energy.
Oh, is that from
one of your buttons?
Honestly,
I don't mean to be rude,
but are you even a reporter?
According to The Cut,
I am the eyes and ears
of my entire generation.
What about you?
What's a Black woman doing
working at Liberty
White Nationalist News?
You want to do this
right now?
Okay, let's do this.
I know what Liberty is.
They are racist,
because everyone is racist.
At least they're honest
about it.
It's better than
condescending Democrats
trying to tell me
that I'm a victim,
and only they know
what's best for me.
I'm not a Democrat,
just for the record.
Yo.
- Lola!
- Oh, is that the driver?
What's he saying?
- It's Sadie McCarthy.
- Who?
- From "The Sentinel."
We met the other night?
Never mind.
Can I talk to Kimberlyn?
Yeah. It's for you.
- This is Kimberlyn.
- Kimberlyn! Sadie McCarthy.
I, uh--I see that you and Lola
are currently stranded,
and I'm wondering
how you plan to make it back
in time for your interview
with Governor Bennett.
I appreciate
your concern, Sadie,
but I've got everything
under control.
My Uber will be here
any minute.
- Lyft!
- Well, if you're not on
the road within the next
five minutes,
you're never gonna make it
in time.
Do you see that pickup
headed your way?
That's my friend Billy,
and his truck has
the horsepower to get you back
in plenty of time.
Why would you help me?
Look, it's very simple.
You tell me
where you're scheduled
to meet Governor Bennett,
and the truck is yours.
Yeah, no, I'm not
giving you my exclusive.
You won't be!
My story won't publish
until after
your interview hits.
That's the beauty of print.
We're slow as shit.
Are you with Lyft?
Come on!
Ugh, you know what? Fine.
Room 211.
Thank you!
- Are you Billy?
- Yep.
You coming?
I think I'll wait for Eddie
and his white Toyota Camry.
No offense, but you're toxic
for my brand.
Okay.
Why, Iowa?
Jesus Christ.
You are relentless.
- Thank you.
So, uh, pleading
with every member
of her kindergarten class,
that didn't work out for you,
so now you are
storming the castle.
Governor's already arranged
a first interview--
With Liberty Direct News, yeah.
I know. Seriously?
They spent the entire
last cycle saying a woman
couldn't be commander-in-chief,
PMS and all.
Black female correspondent.
Hits all the demos
but speaks to the red states.
It polled in the '90s.
- Yup. Yup.
The '90s.
Only things
that poll in the '90s
are kittens and Kelly Clarkson.
And we're supposed to shift
our whole strategy
'cause Sadie McCarthy wants in?
It's not happening.
If you knew
the pressure I was under--
The pressure you're under?
Sadie, we're running
for president.
We have four days
until the caucus.
That gives me 5,760 minutes--
- What?
- I went to Yale--
to convince
the good people of Iowa
to caucus for Governor Bennett,
and I'm just--
I'm wasting two of them
talking to you.
Dale.
Hey.
Hi.
Hey, it's me.
I, uh--I gave you
a coffee earlier.
Hey, I was wondering,
can I borrow your cart
for ten minutes?
Okay, here's the deal.
I screwed up at work,
and my bosses gave me
a second chance,
and then this is it.
This moment right now,
we are--here we are,
and I have to nail
this interview
to prove I can do this,
not just to my boss,
but to all of
the Dale Petersons of the world
who are just waiting
for us to screw up
so they can take our jobs.
Actually, you know what?
They're not even waiting
for us to screw up.
They are happy
to steal our jobs
right out from under us.
They don't even need a reason.
They just get to win,
even though Nate Silver
promised us they wouldn't.
Fuck Nate Silver.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Housekeeping!
Hi. I'm not housekeeping.
I was just hoping to talk to--
- What's going on?
Governor Bennett,
Sadie McCarthy.
Governor, Governor!
I'm so sorry, Governor.
I already told her
your schedule is full.
- I just need five minutes.
- Sadie McCarthy.
Your byline is
appointment reading.
I loved your obituary
of the Central Park duck.
She was a Chinese mallard.
All right, Governor Bennett,
I promised
I'd keep it short,
so I have two questions.
What are five things you want
America to know about you?
That's five questions.
And the second?
How are you going
to break our hearts?
Ah.
Well, I could tell you
about my next mystery novel.
It's about
a wrongly-accused pastry chef.
I'm calling it
"Flour in the Attic."
And I'm sure I could rattle off
a few fun facts
folks don't know about me,
but I'd rather answer
your second question.
Because that's the one
that's really scary, isn't it?
How am I going
to screw this up?
Let's talk about that.
Let's talk about
As she articulated
her hopes,
her dreams,
her eyes never leaving mine,
I could feel the familiar
shiver down my spine.
I remembered what it felt like
to fall in love.
I should have resisted,
but I didn't.
- Thanks, Billy.
- You're welcome.
Kimberlyn.
I just tried to call you.
Oh, no, you didn't just
send me on a wild goose chase
to steal my interview!
Oh, my God, sweetie, no.
I was suddenly feeling better,
you were miles away,
and I do not want us
to lose this opportunity.
Yeah, don't worry.
We won't.
Hi, I'm Kimberlyn Kendrick
with Liberty Direct News.
Is the Governor ready?
Kenny!
I heard ISIS was
in the lobby.
Maybe you could get a sit-down.
"We are
sentient human beings
"who can't help
but pick a side.
To pretend otherwise
is to deceive readers."
Why are you reading me
back to me?
Just shh.
Don't interrupt.
"I want to pour my soul
into every story,
wrestle with the facts
and come out with the truth."
both: "I want to tell you
what I really think
about the candidates."
"And the state
of our fragile democracy.
In doing so, I will reinvent."
both: "I will heal."
"And maybe my readers
will heal with me."
You hate it.
- I didn't say that.
- It's too gonzo.
You want me to tone it down.
I can tone it down.
I'll do another pass.
I'll get it--
Did I say I want you
to tone it down?
Well, you're not
saying anything,
which is really
freaking me out!
It's good, Sadie.
It's not objective,
which is the one thing
we asked you to do.
But--hell, I don't know.
Maybe objectivity
isn't as important
as authenticity here.
I'm sorry.
Would you care to repeat that
on the record?
You have a point of view,
and you're honest about it.
We've been objective
for hundreds of years,
and our readers trust us
less than ever before.
Maybe we're doing
something wrong.
I've convinced the masthead
to run it on the front.
Oh!
Better hurry if we're
gonna make the bulldog.
Page one, bitch!
Whoo!
Band or DJ?
Both.
Seafood tower
or no seafood tower?
If we're not gonna have
a seafood tower,
why bother getting married
in the first place?
My mom is worried
that the venues you liked
are a little too small.
She wants us to go
check out Cipriani
and the botanical gardens
when we have time.
Baby?
Are you zoning out on me?
"Great job on the Governor,
but the network felt
"viewers would respond more
to Nellie.
"She got POTUS detail.
You stay on the Dems."
"Respond more to Nellie."
Well, we know what that means.
It means
what it always means,
and you will rise above
like you always do.
Oh, I'm so sick
of having to rise above!
I was chapter president
of my sorority!
I was on
the "Harvard Law Review"!
I am the only Black woman
to ever headline
the Young Republicans
Convention.
And I landed
the fucking exclusive!
God damn, what more do
these people want from me?
That's right, baby.
Let it out!
She was being
attacked, Ashley.
Violence against women
isn't a partisan issue!
"Black lives matter"
doesn't only apply to people
with our same politics!
I mean, screw them.
I'll find another sponsor.
Their protein bars
tasted like ass anyway.
"Governor Caroline Bennett,
the leading candidate
"in the Democratic race
for president,
"allegedly engaged
in an erotic club,
"recruiting vulnerable
women and men
"to join her
in illicit sexual activity,
"according to a source
with direct knowledge
of the underground club's
existence in Chicago."
Fucking Grace.
Hey!
Heads-up would have been nice.
I just wrote a Bennett blowjob!
Oh, I'm sorry, Sadie.
Did I forget to mention
that the candidate I work for
is a sexual deviant whose past
may have included wild orgies?
My bad.
- The story's spreading
like scabies online already.
I look--I look like
a goddamn idiot!
Is she dropping out?
Why would she drop out?
These egregious allegations
are totally unfounded.
Come on. Really?
Off the record,
she refuses to drop out,
even though we're done.
Are you okay?
Uh, yeah.
It's just politics.
Well, you don't look okay.
Hey, Sadie, come on.
I don't have time.
And it's not just politics.
It never has been.
Not for you. Not for me.
We were always the believers.
Yeah, look where that got us.
Hey, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
Sorry.
I'm sorry that I ghosted you.
Even if I wasn't fully aware
that we were serious.
We talked about
moving in together in D.C.
So much alcohol.
I'm--I'm not--
I'm not great
at relationships.
It wasn't you.
Uh, well, um,
on deep background
I hadn't heard about anything
worse than a parking ticket
till Grace reached out
for comment.
Why didn't this come out
in self-oppo?
She refused to do self-oppo.
I guess it's hard
to see our own flaws.
Yeah.
I know, I know, I know.
Dale is writing the leadoff
for the front.
We still have time
to make late editions.
And my story?
We run it web-only,
linking to Dale's piece.
Stay on the bus
until she drops out.
Gah!
God damn it.
How come your luggage
doesn't squeak?
Seven cycles, bitch.
You'll get there.
I'm sorry about the story.
I know Bennett was
an important get for you.
Well, you dropped the hints.
I should have
picked up on them.
So Chicago.
That was a really nice thing
you did for Annie.
Mm.
But I noticed that your story
had a Chicago dateline.
Did you take Annie to college
to chase a source?
It was a really big scoop.
- I'm allowed to multitask.
Mother of the year.
Sorry.
- Oh, don't be. You're lucky.
Nobody expects you to be
Martha Stewart
and Bob Woodward.
There was a time
when career women
couldn't be childless messes.
Oh, my God!
Y'all do understand that gender
is a social construct, right?
Tell that to my pelvic floor.
Kimmy! Oh!
Ruiner of my career.
Come. Come, come, come.
Join our elite
media drinking game.
Take a shot every time somebody
says "source" or "scoop."
- You do realize
that if Liberty had broken
that story,
it would have been dismissed
as a partisan hit job.
But the liberal media gets it,
and it's,
"All hail the scoop queen!"
Hey, that's one!
We're not liberal.
We're objective.
- Yeah.
Keep telling yourself that.
Well, Bennett's done.
So can we objectively agree
that we're all riding
a zombie bus to nowhere?
Yo, print.
Old-school.
- Lola Rahaii.
- Hi.
I saw your TikTok.
The way you broke down
the Green New Deal,
that was super dope.
We should do a one-on-one
at some point.
Yeah. Yeah.
Congresswoman,
your car is here.
I'll find you.
Hey, sweetie.
I know yesterday was super
intense for the both of us,
but I hope
we can still be friends.
Let me make myself
very clear.
I'm gonna do
what our bosses ask me to do.
I'll cover the Democrats,
and I will exceed
their expectations
until I don't just have
your job,
I have any job I want,
and you're back waiting tables
at a Hooters in Plano.
So by all means,
underestimate me.
That'll be fun.
Get out.
Back off, boys.
These seats are reserved
for the major dailies.
Keep moving.
"Wall Street Journal."
Don't mind if I do.
Well, I'll just do it
on here.
Thanks so much.
Did you get that, Tim?
We gotta do it on the app.
Oh!
- Oh, I'm sorry!
Sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
- No, that's--
Sadie McCarthy.
- Yes.
I just read
your article online.
It was good.
Too bad it had
the shelf life of sashimi.
Thank you?
Hey, I dug
your speech yesterday.
- Oh.
- Too bad you have
no chance in hell
of winning this thing.
Ouch.
How about this?
If I make it to Nevada,
you do a piece on me.
I'm gonna miss my bus.
- Okay.
Yeah.
That was weird.
Sorry.
I'm sorry. Hey.
Thanks for holding
the bus for me.
You really think I'd do that?
Have you met me?
There's gridlock on the I-80.
Oh, great.
To be a journalist
is to have a calling.
It's not a life you choose.
It chooses you.
For as long as I can remember,
all I wanted was
to brave the storms of life
and write words that mattered.
And just like the boys
on the bus who came before me,
I was determined to seek
more than just the facts.
I wanted the truth.
And I wasn't alone.
We may have started
as competitors,
but we would end as a family.
This is a story
about the kind of friendship
you never knew you needed
but can't live without.
We didn't realize it
at the time,
but our journey was about
to take one hell of a turn.
One that would bring
all of us together
and force us
to risk everything
to save our fragile democracy
or go down with it.
I don't wanna lose myself
again ♪
Greg, move your head.
Bye!