The Guild (2007) s01e01 Episode Script
Wake Up Call
So, it's Friday night, and still jobless.
Yay.
I haven't left the house in a week.
My therapist broke up with me.
Oh, yeah.
There's a gnome warlock in my living room sleeping on my couch.
Wait! So you're firing me? I mean, you're my therapist.
Is that even medically legal? How is that legal? I'm sorry, Cyd, but you don't seem willing to work on your addiction.
I've been establishing parameters, like we talked about.
Kind of.
You can't grow if you're still immersed in an imaginary social environment.
It's not imaginary.
I told you.
I can't get them off you! - Wait.
- Fuck! I'm dying! I need heals! Heal me! Incoming! Um, I play with real people.
Have you met them face to face? I hear them.
It's good enough for the blind.
Cyd, you need a genuine support system at this time in your life.
- Not - Dr.
Hammond, you're killing me! Like, literally.
Can I just call you back later? Hello? Forget it.
I'm down.
Repeat, Vork is down.
Oh, my God! That was a total rim job, Codex! I was being raped by goblins, and you're standing there with your staff up your ass! Sorry.
Tinkerballa, Guild rule number four: No finger pointing.
She can come to my house and do whatever she wants with her finger.
Bladezz! Guild rule number 12! Ooh! Daddy Guild leader so angry! You guys ever get the feeling we play this game too much? Yeah, so then I web surf.
Look, some chick in China squirted out an 18-pound baby.
Check the link.
Damn! Clara is back.
Sorry for AFKing.
My stupid nanny left without feeding Bellamy again! Bell! Gaby! Tomorrow, Mommy's teaching you to use the microwave.
So, did Zaboo show up yet? No.
And I'm docking him attendance points as we speak.
Let this be a lesson.
Weird.
Zaboo never misses a Guild run.
Yeah.
Even when his uncle died, he found Wi-Fi at the funeral home.
He didn't say anything about taking time off, did he? Oh, my God, you guys! Zaboo hasn't been on in 39 hours! What the heck? Mama! That's, like, two days, right? Nursing makes me stupid.
You're nursing right now? - That's frikkin' hot! - I know, right? Is anyone else getting their nips sucked on? Bladezz! I'll be right back.
Hi! Hey! Hi! Cyd Sherman? These are for you.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I made them.
I spray-painted them myself.
- Craft'd.
- Thanks.
Uh, they're They're beautiful.
Well, thank you.
You're beautiful.
That's why I did it.
You have a nice forehead.
I'm sorry.
Do I know you? Of course you know me.
Remember? I was gored by a Wyvern last week, and you totally resurrected me.
And then I bought a blue flower for you from the gardens of Bleaklands.
And, you know, it was totally worth the money.
It was a lot.
But it was worth it.
Zaboo? Yeah.
Yes.
Zaboo.
Right.
I'm at your doorstep.
Doorstep'd.
Where should I put this stuff? I haven't logged on in, like, 24 hours.
Yay.
I haven't left the house in a week.
My therapist broke up with me.
Oh, yeah.
There's a gnome warlock in my living room sleeping on my couch.
Wait! So you're firing me? I mean, you're my therapist.
Is that even medically legal? How is that legal? I'm sorry, Cyd, but you don't seem willing to work on your addiction.
I've been establishing parameters, like we talked about.
Kind of.
You can't grow if you're still immersed in an imaginary social environment.
It's not imaginary.
I told you.
I can't get them off you! - Wait.
- Fuck! I'm dying! I need heals! Heal me! Incoming! Um, I play with real people.
Have you met them face to face? I hear them.
It's good enough for the blind.
Cyd, you need a genuine support system at this time in your life.
- Not - Dr.
Hammond, you're killing me! Like, literally.
Can I just call you back later? Hello? Forget it.
I'm down.
Repeat, Vork is down.
Oh, my God! That was a total rim job, Codex! I was being raped by goblins, and you're standing there with your staff up your ass! Sorry.
Tinkerballa, Guild rule number four: No finger pointing.
She can come to my house and do whatever she wants with her finger.
Bladezz! Guild rule number 12! Ooh! Daddy Guild leader so angry! You guys ever get the feeling we play this game too much? Yeah, so then I web surf.
Look, some chick in China squirted out an 18-pound baby.
Check the link.
Damn! Clara is back.
Sorry for AFKing.
My stupid nanny left without feeding Bellamy again! Bell! Gaby! Tomorrow, Mommy's teaching you to use the microwave.
So, did Zaboo show up yet? No.
And I'm docking him attendance points as we speak.
Let this be a lesson.
Weird.
Zaboo never misses a Guild run.
Yeah.
Even when his uncle died, he found Wi-Fi at the funeral home.
He didn't say anything about taking time off, did he? Oh, my God, you guys! Zaboo hasn't been on in 39 hours! What the heck? Mama! That's, like, two days, right? Nursing makes me stupid.
You're nursing right now? - That's frikkin' hot! - I know, right? Is anyone else getting their nips sucked on? Bladezz! I'll be right back.
Hi! Hey! Hi! Cyd Sherman? These are for you.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I made them.
I spray-painted them myself.
- Craft'd.
- Thanks.
Uh, they're They're beautiful.
Well, thank you.
You're beautiful.
That's why I did it.
You have a nice forehead.
I'm sorry.
Do I know you? Of course you know me.
Remember? I was gored by a Wyvern last week, and you totally resurrected me.
And then I bought a blue flower for you from the gardens of Bleaklands.
And, you know, it was totally worth the money.
It was a lot.
But it was worth it.
Zaboo? Yeah.
Yes.
Zaboo.
Right.
I'm at your doorstep.
Doorstep'd.
Where should I put this stuff? I haven't logged on in, like, 24 hours.