The Last Kids on Earth (2019) s01e01 Episode Script

1
[Jack screams] I'm sorry!
[grunts]
[groans]
I shouldn't have called you ugly.
[gasps]
Uh, how you doing, big guy?
-[roars]
-[Jack screams]
-[roars]
-[yelps]
Come on, bud,
I just wanna go to the store.
I just need to get one thing.
-[roars]
-OK, fine.
-Let's dance!
-[roars]
-Dude, your mom's here!
-[growls]
Psych!
[panting] Whoa!
Ow! Uh
I think we got off on the wrong foot.
I'm Jack, and you are?
[roars]
Um Blarg? Nice to meet you.
Uh, now that we're buddies, couple rules
friends don't eat friends.
-[growls]
-OK, fine, but you asked for it.
Uh [nervous laughter]
Well, I'm gonna die.
-Ah! [grunts]
-[roars]
[Jack panting and screaming]
I can't believe I'm still alive!
I can't believe [screaming]
-[growls]
-Whew!
OK, OK, tiny screwdriver,
tiny screwdriver, tiny Yeah!
Ka-ching!
-I got it! Finally!
-[Blarg roars]
[Jack panting]
Yeah, I'll pay later!
Yah! [chuckles nervously]
[pants squeaking]
-Uh-oh!
-[roars]
Whoa!
[panting]
OK, show me your good side,
if you have one.
Blarg: 40 feet tall,
stinks like three-day-old flu barf,
razor-sharp claws.
[sniffing]
Is he smelling my backpack?
Never seen that before.
-[growls]
-[car alarm sounds]
Oops, overstayed my welcome.
Gotta go!
Monster apocalypse, day 42.
This is my home.
It used to be
my foster brother's tree house,
but the whole foster fam
took off on day one.
So now it's just mine and just me,
Jack Sullivan, postapocalyptic,
action hero, tough guy survivor.
-Never scared, and
-[monster roars]
[shrieks]
and inside we go.
Current status
the world is cuckoo bananas.
Zombies and giganto-monsters
have taken over my town,
-and also maybe the world.
-[toy squeaks]
You probably know what zombies are,
but just in case
Spooky eyes, freaky moans,
and if they bite you, you're one of them.
Undead.
[Jack screams]
But if monsters get you,
you're just dead. Finito. Done-zo.
So, why am I making this video blog thing?
Well, one, 'cause I haven't talked
to another living person in six weeks.
But also, so there's a record
of all the awesome things I've done.
[grunts]
Jack Sullivan, zombie hunter!
Monster slayer!
A kid with the time
to play all the video games he wants.
[sighs] It's like you're not even trying.
-[toy squeaks]
-[sighs]
See, I'm, like, genetically
superhero-type equipped for solitude.
I'm an orphan,
which means I don't have parents.
I've lived in a lot of places
with a lot of different people
-[car engine starts]
-but I never had a family.
[toy car whirring]
[groans]
So, now my life is basically
the plot of a video game.
I even have my own feats
of apocalyptic success.
-For example
-[zombie moaning]
Yoink! Mad hatter.
Steal the hats from five zombies.
Monster rider. Hitch a ride on a beast.
Look, Ma, no hands!
Hygiene Hero!
Maintain basic cleanliness
after the end of the world.
Now pay attention.
There is one ultimate feat
of postapocalyptic success
rescue the damsel in distress.
June Del Toro, my crush.
- She's dainty and sweet.
-[whistle blows]
Let's go, you weenies!
Out of my way!
-Move or be moved!
-[coach screams]
-My arm!
-Sorry!
She was the editor of our school paper,
so I joined the paper as a photographer.
I figured she'd see how charming I was,
and it worked perfectly.
You call this photojournalism, Sullivan?
I need hard news!
This issue isn't gonna
write itself, people!
[Jack] One time,
she hugged Benny McCutchin,
so, I ran over and hugged him,
and I got a secondhand hug!
Weird, but totally worth it!
I know I know in my gut
that she is still in town somewhere.
Uh, not not as a zombie.
As a regular.
And she'll see how cool I am,
and totally worthy of being crushed upon.
-[video game beeping]
-And with that, I will complete
the ultimate feat
of apocalyptic success!
[video game beeps]
Feat not yet completed.
But first,
I have to fix this walkie
so I can reach my best friend,
Quint, hopefully.
D-d-d-d! Bajingo!
Captain Danger to Corporal Tiger-Pants.
Quint? Are you out there? Hello?
[radio static]
You're probably doing an experiment,
or on the toilet, or both.
So, um, just call whenever.
[radio static]
[sighs] I'm not worried
that you're not responding.
I'm not worried at all.
Anyway, I'm here alone.
Just me.
OK, talk soon, buddy.
I hope you're enjoying
the end of the world.
[sighs]
[sighs]
[groans]
Forty-two days ago,
when the world changed forever.
[Quint]
Jack, marvelous news!
Bottle-rocket launcher plans, complete.
-Rad!
-Double rad!
[both]
Triple rad!
Wanna test its explosive capabilities
after school?
Quint, that is 100% all I wanna do.
-[Dirk] Hey!
-[Quint gasps]
Kid, your "sammich" stinks
like squirrel butt.
[loud chomping, chuckles]
It stinks, but it don't taste too bad.
Argh!
[Jack straining]
Why don't you
-[loud chomping]
-[Jack straining]
Pick on someone
your own size, huh, Dirk?
[Jack grunts]
Find someone my size, and I will.
Hmm, like a rotund panda bear?
[gags]
[Quint]
Jack, we have a problem here.
Dirk won't be able to find
a panda bear to pick on.
They're an endangered species.
My fist is about to make Jack
an endangered species!
-[kids yell]
-Huh?
-[girl gasps]
-[kids chatter]
[people screaming]
-[gasps]
-[people screaming]
[creature shrieks]
Quint, you know stuff.
This must be a joke, right?
-Some prank show?
-[both scream]
-Huh?
-[gasps]
[Jack screams]
[monster growls]
[roars]
[kids screaming]
-[roars]
-[Quint whimpering]
This is fine.
I love when buses do this.
-Buses don't usually do this!
-[both screaming]
[both grunt]
[groaning]
[zombies moaning]
[creature roars]
[Quint]
Uh, Jack?
[woman screams]
[Quint]
Uh, Jack, what's going on here?
-I don't know, buddy!
-[creature shrieks]
[Quint] I don't think
that was there yesterday,
because I'm fairly certain
I would have remembered.
-Ugh! [gasps]
-[gasps] June!
[zombie moaning]
-June, behind you!
-[June screams]
-[zombie growls]
-[Jack screams]
Whew!
-Come, friend.
-[Jack] Whoa!
-[boys panting]
-[monster roars]
[Jack]
Hey! That's our cover!
-Excuse us!
-[Quint] Pardon us!
-Coming through!
-[Quint screams]
-Wrong turn!
-[growls]
-[Quint gasps]
-[zombie growls]
-[snarls]
-[shrieks]
[Jack] Sorry. Feel better, guys.
We gotta go!
-[boys panting]
-[zombies snarling]
We must find someplace safe.
Joe's Pizza? It's Wednesday.
Two-for-one slices.
Aah! [grunts]
Dude, focus!
Do you have your walkie?
Excuse me, sir, ma'am, zombie person.
That's my backpack!
[panting, screams]
[both grunt]
-Got it!
-Superb!
I'll go to my house, you go to yours.
No matter what, we stay in touch.
Deal!
[boys scream]
[roars]
[breathes deeply]
Whew! There they are. Huh?
Hey! Wait up!
Lousy new foster family.
I'm here!
-[zombie snarls]
-Huh?
[growling]
[Jack groans]
[snarling]
[silence]
-[snarling]
-[silence]
-[snarling]
-[silence]
-[snarling]
-[silence]
[panting]
-[zombie growling]
-[Jack grunts]
You don't want to eat these brains.
I'm not as smart as I look. Aah!
[zombie growling]
[Jack whimpers]
[growling, grunts]
[electricity sizzles]
No!
[snarling]
[growling]
[groans]
Anyone undead in here?
[emergency sirens blaring]
[sirens continue]
[creature shrieks]
OK, so that happened.
And every day after that
was like living in a whole new world!
New World, day one.
[whistling]
Day three.
-[stomach grumbling]
-[moans]
[gasps] Hmm. Yeah!
Ugh.
[gasps]
Loot box!
Courtesy of my lame-o foster brother.
[grunting]
[sniffs] Cheese singles.
Chocolate creamies. Onion Ring-a-Lings.
Slightly expired Sour Ranch Tortitos.
I will be hungry no more!
[grunts] Delicious foods,
you will be mine!
[grunting]
[sighs]
Yes!
OK, there's enough here to last me months.
I just gotta be responsible.
[cat mewls]
Day 16.
[grunting, sighs]
-[growls]
-Gah! No!
No! No! No! I need that to live!
Day 23.
June Del Toro! Hello? Are you around?
It's Jack Sullivan.
I'm trying to do a rescue thing.
-[growls]
-[screams]
Day 27.
[grunting]
-[growls]
-Oh!
Ha ha! How do you like me now?
[laughs] Woo-hoo!
Day 39.
Oh, yeah! Woo! Woo!
[laughs]
Day 42.
-[roars]
-[grunts]
[nervous laughter]
D-d-d-d-d! Bajingo!
Day 43. Today.
[Quint over radio]
Corporal Tiger-Pants to Captain Danger!
-Jack, are you receiving?
-[gasps]
[grunting, panting] Gah!
Quint! I'm here! Jack on the mic.
-Jack! Yes!
-You're not dead!
-Neither are you!
-[both laugh]
-I'm really happy you're alive, Quint.
-I feel the same way.
I'm really happy I'm alive, too.
I'm on my way.
OK. Now, to get to Quint's house.
Men, this won't be easy.
The path is perilous. Zombie hordes.
Dozer lairs.
Monstrous, vine-thingy jungles.
And the big guys
Octogrute, Tentaclefiend.
And who knows what else?
Time to suit up.
[chugs, coughs]
Let's boogie.
[grunts] Ha!
[panting]
Ahh.
[growls]
[humming]
-[thumping]
-Uh-oh. Dozer.
Crazy strong.
Thick skin protects the internal organs.
They eat zombies.
And possibly
still-breathing dudes like me.
Luckily, they're slow and dumb,
so I'll just be turning and fleeing,
and living to fight another day.
[Quint] Get down, friend!
Move quickly,
while the enemy is disoriented!
His timing is impeccable!
[grunting]
[moans]
Whew! You guys are horrifying,
but it's not your fault you're undead.
So, I'm not gonna kill you.
I'm just going to politely ask you
to step a side.
-[moans]
-Please!
Whoa.
-[growls]
-Coming through! [grunts]
[panting]
-[roars]
-Ahhh!
[screaming]
[grunts]
-Quint!
-Jack!
[both speaking gibberish]
[Jack] Feat complete. Buddies reunited.
Um, can we go up to your lab?
He's giving me the heebie-jeebies.
[Quint] I've begun classifying
the strange beings
that now inhabit the area
by genus and species.
Next, I'll grade
their skill sets and abilities.
Cool, cool, fun, fun. [slurps]
Uh, so, buddy, where are your parents?
They were on a cruise, remember?
So, I must believe
they're still out there safe.
-But
-It is what I choose to believe.
-[slurps]
-And what about that weird babysitter?
Oh, she got zombified straightaway.
[moaning]
[nervous laughter] Oh.
Bud, this place is spooky quiet.
Let's blow this joint, head to
the tree house for video game time.
Impossible. My research is here.
Quint! I've perfected my own
neon summit-drip slushie formula.
Extra sugar, triple caffeine,
guaranteed eye-spinning gamer rush.
I'll gather my things.
-Quint, I trust you in all things.
-Thank you.
But how are we getting all this
to the tree house? It's a long walk.
Oh, we won't be walking.
-Jack, meet Big Mama.
-Whoa.
Allow me to go through the features.
Arrow turret.
Bottle-rocket launchers.
Butter-slick slingers.
Fuzzy mice for science.
Fuzzy dice for looking cool.
[Jack] Dude! Is that a human skull?
-It's only a candle.
-Oh.
Not sure if I'm disappointed
or relieved.
-What's it smell like?
-Cookie dough.
-[both sniff]
-Love it!
[engine rumbles]
Oh, blast. I didn't hook up
the electricity to the garage doors.
Doors? Where we're going,
we don't need doors.
[grunts] Yes!
Woo-hoo!
My parents will be home eventually,
and I will be blaming you for the doors.
Fair enough.
[tires screeching]
[engine roaring]
[screaming]
[laughs] Dude, I am driving a car!
And I'm really good at it!
-So, you remember June Del Toro?
-Hmm.
The June Del Toro you've been
crushing on since school started?
The June Del Toro
you can't stop talking about?
-No.
-Well, first thing tomorrow,
we're going out looking for her.
That's nonnegotiable.
Oh, that June Del Toro.
Quint, buddy. You awake?
Yep.
Dude, the world, like, ended.
I know.
I'm glad you and I, we're in it together,
you know?
I know.
[farts]
[laughs]
[Jack]
Oh, man. My mouth was open. [laughs]
-[Jack sighs] Good night.
-[Quint] Good night.
June, are you out there?
It is I, Jack Sullivan,
postapocalyptic action hero,
come to rescue you.
Hmm, something's not right.
-Air temperature?
-No.
-Velocity?
-No.
-Direction?
-Nope.
[both]
Music!
We need some cool, man-on-a-mission,
searching-for-June music.
Take this higher ♪
Jack, look out!
[Jack] Ahhh!
-[tires screech]
-Was that a monster or a person?
Both. It's Dirk Savage.
Mother of crudballs, he's alive!
-What are you doing?
-Little friendly chitchat.
-No, wait!
-Quint, we can't leave him.
He's a survivor, like us.
Fine! But if he kills you,
it's your funeral.
-'Sup?
-[gasps]
[panting]
[screams] I'm sorry about
the rotund panda bear line!
Behind you, dummy!
Winged wretch!
Get down! [grunting]
[grunting]
[gasps]
-[creature shrieks]
-[Dirk grunts]
[gasps]
[creature shrieks]
You're welcome. Huh.
Whoa.
So, um, Dirk, what are you
I mean, do you want to, like, hang out?
We have a tree house.
There's room if you want to
What would I want with you two dorks?
You can still do the whole tough guy,
loner thing, just do it with us.
Uh-uh. Can't be a loner
unless you're alone.
Well, that's a point.
But I still think
you'd be better off with us.
Please don't eat me.
Huh.
OK, whatever. We're going.
Enjoy your solitude.
-Dude, you thinking ice cream for dinner?
-Yeah, I could go for some ice cream.
All right, but only because
you two would totally die without me.
-[monsters screeching]
-[screams]
I believe we may, all three,
die together.
Look! He's back, and he's brought friends!
-[Dirk] Run!
-[Quint screaming]
-Thanks, buddy!
-Anytime, friend!
[all panting]
So many! It's like they've been drawn
from all over town!
Gee, I wonder why.
[groans] Of course.
What was I thinking?
This is perfect.
OK, all winged monsters,
please disperse.
Go away, please
What are you doing? [grunts]
Aw, I need that to find June Del Toro.
What? What do you want with her?
Last I saw her,
she was over at Lumber Party.
You saw June? [laughs]
She's alive ♪
June Del Toro is alive ♪
[singing falsetto]
She's alive ♪
[Quint]
Jack, come back!
-[Dirk] Hey, Dingus!
-[creature shrieks]
You saw June? How was she?
Did she ask about me?
Why was she at Lumber Party?
How should I know?
She might still be there, trapped.
In mortal danger!
In need of rescuing and saving.
This is great!
Sure. Yeah. Great.
But we may not survive long enough
-to celebrate!
-Uh, uh!
[creatures shrieking]
Wanna bet?
-[brakes squeal]
-[creatures grunt]
-[Jack] Whoo! Huh.
-[Dirk laughs]
-[engine roars]
-[creature shrieks]
To save June Del Toro,
I will let nothing stop us.
Uh, Jack? That's too low.
You're going to hit the
You going to hit
[creature screams]
[all]
Aaahhh!
-Yahooey!
-[beeps]
Uh, looks like we're low on gas.
Hmm, where might we
procure some around here?
[Dirk] Ugh, I never should have agreed
to hang with you two.
[camera whirrs]
I gotta document this
'cause today is major.
Because as soon as I
get some gas for Big Mama,
we're going to complete the ultimate feat
of apocalyptic success
rescuing June Del Toro.
And I know exactly how it's gonna go.
[monsters growling]
[Jack, as June] Won't some tall,
attractive middle-schooler
save a damsel in distress?
Never fear!
Jack Sullivan is here.
-[monster roars]
-[Jack grunts]
[Jack, as June]
Jack!
Aaahhh huh!
[Jack, as June]
My hero.
Yep, definitely going to be like that.
Sorry, sir. [gasps]
A gas station I haven't exploded yet.
-[gas glugging]
-[pump dings]
Ooh, free cologne.
[sniffs] Gotta smell good
for the big day.
[visor squeaks]
"Blake family reunion. Love you guys."
[sighs] Oh, man.
[sighs] Those people in the picture,
I envy them
even though they're probably
zombies by now.
At least they had a chance
to be a family, a real family.
I never had that.
Although now, with Quint and Dirk and
Oh, uh, note to self:
edit out all this emotional stuff later.
Gotta maintain my cool,
action hero exterior. Boom
-[beast grunts]
-[Jack screams]
[snarling]
[Jack grunting]
-[beast slurping]
-Ugh. Blech. Ugh. Saliva overload.
Now get off of me,
you overgrown mutt monster.
[panting, snorts, sniffs]
Is this what you want?
Here, go fetch, boy.
-[beast whines]
-Whoa. Um, no, you can keep it.
-[beast whines]
-Ugh.
[playful snarling]
Hey, give me that.
That's how I document my coolness.
-[beast whines, slurps]
-Stay back.
-[beast whining]
-I don't have time to play, OK?
[thud]
Sorry, boy, you'll just have to get
your belly rubbed elsewhere.
Oh, and thanks again for not killing me.
-Yuh. Whoa, whoa!
-[zombies snarling]
OK, zombies, you give me no choice.
Batter up!
[Jack grunting] Ohh.
Dog monster slobber.
-[Jack groaning]
-[beast snarling]
-[zombies grunt]
-[beast panting]
Whoa, tail tornado. Tail-nado.
[panting]
Thanks, buddy.
Maybe I do have a little time to play.
Ugh, nothing but nerdy magazines.
Jack's had plenty of time to acquire
the needed fuel. Where is he?
Do you do this every time
he goes shopping?
'Cause that's going to get old
real fast.
Jack! Wait, not Jack!
Behind you, friend. Danger level: delta.
No, no, no, it's OK!
Danger level: whatever's below delta.
He's with me. His name is Rover.
-[Quint and Dirk] Rover?
-[Rover snarling]
Sharp teeth, downy fur,
slobbers like a rain storm.
Not a dog, but close enough.
And the first friendly monster.
Jack, if you're not
acting against your will,
say the name of the first movie
we ever made.
Duh. Attack of the Killer Yo-Yo!
[both]
Aaahhh!
That is lame-o, but this is awesome!
Look at you, ah! [laughs]
It's not just awesome, it's a feat.
Get an awesome pet. Feat complete.
And I got the gas, so we can
head out and find June right now.
What's so important about June, anyway?
Is she a doctor or ninja or something?
I think he likes her,
as in like-likes her.
I can hear you, you know?
Rescuing is what heroes do.
And I'm a hero now, so let's go.
Uh, you know, it's been weeks
since I seen her. So
And the odds of someone surviving
out there alone for this long are
Don't tell me the odds.
Never tell me the odds.
[Rover whimpers]
Guys, I know she's out there.
I feel it in my gut.
Well, last place I saw her
was Lumber Party, so
So let's go.
Huh. Beats reading your nimrod mags.
Let's do it!
What's the hold up, Einstein?
I'm staying.
I have tasks to perform here.
Right. More like you're too scared to go.
Dirk, that is in fact false.
While you're out joyriding, I'll be here,
safeguarding the tree house.
-Quint's our Corporal Tiger-Pants.
-What?
The courageous guardian of
the Galactic Fortress,
a character from Cosmic Burger Patrol.
[both]
Our comic book.
You two spend way too much time together.
-Operation Lumber Party is
-Knock it off.
[engine roaring]
[tires squealing]
-[Rover barks]
-Ah!
What's with that kid anyway?
Quint? He's my comrade in arms,
my partner in crime, my best friend.
Well, only friend, I guess.
Unless, you know, you and I,
I mean, eventually.
-So, Quint?
-Uh, right.
He's awesome. He just sees things
a little different than you or me.
Or anyone, really.
-But that can come in handy when
-Watch it!
-[tires squeal]
-[zombie moans]
[both]
Yah!
[thud]
[Dirk chomping, chuckles]
Mmm!
I like to think of things like that
as happy accidents.
They don't even taste that old
with enough mustard Ooph.
And here we are.
[Dirk] Oh, man!
Lumber Party turned into zombie party!
[zombies moaning, groaning]
There's no way.
Nothing's stopping me
from getting to June.
-Just need a little Quint magic.
-Huh?
-Ta-da.
-What's that?
Got zombies?
Then you need the Scream Machine!
Simply set the egg timer and run.
When the timer dings,
the speaker broadcasts screams
from your favorite horror movies.
[woman on screen screaming]
Thus, attracting every zombie
within earshot.
Order today. We accept most
postapocalyptic currencies.
Atomic Cola caps preferred.
The Scream Machine.
[zombies moaning]
[timer ticking, dings]
[screaming from machine]
[screaming continues]
-Whoa.
-Quint magic.
[screams, silence]
Scream Machine evacuation,
feat complete.
Thanks to Quint.
Guess he's not as lame as I thought.
[squeaking]
You, however.
Uh hand-me-downs. The tape is coming off.
Hey! Luckily, we're right by
the duct tape, and it's on sale.
I'll look in electrical.
You flush out plumbing. Get it?
Hilarious.
June. June Del Toro.
[gasps]
I'm here to rescue you.
No.
Tall, attractive middle-schooler,
at your service.
[squeaks]
No.
Come with me if you want to live
in a tree house.
-[sighs] Not here.
-[footsteps echoing]
[gasps] Ping-pong!
Quint loves ping-pong.
He always says it's like a video game,
but you move your body.
Yah! Oh, hey.
Any sign of June?
Ugh. No. Sorry, man.
Ugh, so where is she?
-[sniffs] You smell that?
-[sniffs]
Yeah, something here smells bad.
[monster growling]
Oh, no. Not him.
[heavy stomping]
You know this thing?
We've met. I call him Blarg.
Why?
[roars]
Gotcha.
[growling]
He's looking at you, Jack!
Why is he looking at you?
-I think he's been hunting me.
-What?!
-[Blarg roars]
-[Jack and Dirk] Aaahhh!
[Jack]
Not good!
[Dirk and Jack panting]
[Dirk]
You're being stalked by a monster?
Why the heck did I join you?
Because I'm a delight.
[growling]
[both panting]
[Blarg roaring]
[zombies moaning]
Yes! I think we lost him.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
And gained a ton of zombies!
[Blarg growls]
Oh, come on!
Throw me that ping-pong table.
What?!
-[Dirk] Aaahhh!
-[Jack] Aaahhh!
[combat grunts]
Whoa! Ugh! Whoa!
[Jack panting] Hah!
[pop]
[snarling]
-[Dirk] Whoa! Aah!
-Whoa!
Unh!
[engine cranking]
[Blarg roars]
Go, go, go!
Are you kidding me?!
Of course it won't start because my entire
life is like a bad action movie now.
[Blarg roars]
Maybe it's an awesome action movie.
Dude, focus!
[roars]
[engine cranking, roars]
[Blarg roaring]
Oh, man, that thing is huge.
-We're in serious trouble!
-You think?!
Why is he after you?
Either he envies my hair,
or it's because I stabbed him
in the forehead with
a broken baseball bat.
Probably the second one.
[Dirk and Jack] Aaahhh!
Step on it!
[Blarg growling]
Man, that was close.
-What'd you do?
-Butter slick slingers.
Another cool Quint concoction.
Wow. His butter just saved our butts.
Maybe I don't give that kid enough credit.
Aw, maybe you don't, but you could.
[laughs] I mean,
Quint loves extra credit.
Butter slick escape.
Feat, say it with me
-Nope.
-[Jack] Complete.
[Dirk]
Not saying it.
[engine dies]
-You OK?
-Who, me? Pssh, yeah.
More than OK.
OK, maybe a little shaken,
but not stirred.
I swear, I thought we were
going to be roadkill back there.
But I don't want to freak out Quint.
-Ha ha!
-Ugh.
I'll handle it. Quint!
Well, did you find June?
Nope. Something better.
Ping-pong.
[laughs] Ta-da!
So, you want to stand there
like a dork, or you want to play?
Play, definitely.
[mumbles]
-OK, you serve.
-[Dirk] Ha ha! Yeah.
-Ah, no fair!
-[Dirk] OK, hey.
-Ping. Pong.
-[Quint] Oops
-Yay, science.
-[Dirk] Rally.
-No!
-[Quint] Yes!
[Blarg roaring]
Ah, come on!
Can't I enjoy this for one minute?
-[Quint laughing]
-[car door opening]
So, no big deal or anything,
but when we go out
looking for June again,
there's a ginormous monster
that's out to get me,
-and it just almost killed us.
-What?
[Rover whimpers, snarls]
Just an FYI.
And you let us waste time
playing ping-pong?
Is playing ping-pong
ever really a waste?
-[both] Of course not.
-And more importantly,
you should have seen me
driving backwards.
I think I'm better
driving backwards than forwards.
I'm serious.
If we're being hunted by a giant monster,
we need to protect ourselves,
and the tree house.
We need to arm it.
The Quint man is right. Battle stations!
Good point, Quint!
We must protect our home,
especially if June's going to
live here with our family.
-Family?
-Well, you know, I mean
I know what you mean.
Either way, we need a postapocalyptic,
monster-crushing, butt-kicking
tree fortress of awesomeness!
Whoa.
OK, I'm still working on the name,
but youyou get the idea.
[video game beeping]
[video game beeping]
[video game beeping]
[grunting] Aah!
[sighs]
[video game beeping]
[breathing heavily]
[laughing]
[video game beeping]
[grunting] Oh!
Feat complete.
Constructed the tree fortress
of awesomeness.
And now it's time for
[both]
Toss and Catch.
-Uh.
-Ha.
Ugh.
Ha ha! Belly flop!
[laughs]
Aah! Ugh.
Atomic belly flop.
[panting] Huh!
[both]
Nuclear belly flop!
[laughing]
Huh! [laughing]
[laughing]
[both gasp]
Cannonball!
[Quint and Jack]
Aah!
So, let's get back to the search.
Yes, friend. But Dirk and I
were having a discussion.
Aw, buddy discussion.
We're already like the Three Amigos.
Or, the Tree Amigos.
-Yes!
-Ugh, shut up.
Jack, the town is quite large,
and we realize
we could better search for June
if we split up.
It's a saddle.
Thanks?
Dirk helped me make it
out of an old motorcycle seat.
It's for Rover, you dope.
[Rover barks]
Wow. Thanks, guys.
-This is amazing!
-[Rover barks]
-[Rover panting]
-[Jack] Aah!
-Shall we continue?
-[Jack screams]
You're going down, Dingus.
-[Dirk laughs]
-Heh heh, uh.
Oh! Stop! Heel! Quit it!
Yikes! Vine thingies!
[Jack grunting]
Uh?
Ow! Ee! Ooh! Ow!
-[Rover panting]
-[Jack] Unh! Aah!
Ooph! Ah ha ha!
Ya ha ha ha!
[panting] Ugh.
Well, that was the most terrifying
22 minutes of my life.
Wow. You can see the whole town.
What's left of it.
Eesh. School's out forever.
Hey! It's Mr. Merkins. Guess he won't be
making me run laps anymore.
[gasps] I know that sweatshirt!
Rover! That's June's sweatshirt!
[music playing]
[inaudible]
Huh, she really wears that a lot.
What's that all about?
-Ah!
-[Rover panting]
I know where June is,
and I have a perfect plan to rescue her!
We get in Big Mama, race across town,
search the school, rescue June.
Feat complete.
Happily ever after.
And we'll have Rover
as a backup getaway vehicle
in case anything goes wrong.
-[Rover barks, snarling]
-He'll be back.
Let the amazingly awesome plan begin.
Aaahhh!
Why do all these things want to kill you?
[Jack] Evaded the Spikipede.
[all] Aaahhh!
[Jack] Bested the Octogrute!
Uh! Look out!
[all screaming]
[growls]
[Jack] Slipped past the Stone Monster.
-[Quint] Jack! Look out!
-[Jack] Oh, there's too many of them.
[all] Aaahhh!
-[all] Unh!
-[cracking]
[all] Aaahhh!
Heh heh.
My parents will be home eventually,
and I will be blaming
We know.
-Go, go, go!
-[zombies groaning]
-Unh, unh!
-Well, that's it. We're dead.
Unh! Yah!
-Huh! Uh!
-[zombies snarling]
[all sigh]
-[Jack] Uh.
-[Quint gulps]
Guys, I know she's in here.
Let's get going.
[creaking doors]
-Wow, so dark in here.
-[clicks]
Thanks.
Ha ha! You look like
the world's lamest Christmas tree.
Uh, sorry. Old habits.
Another Quint Co. invention.
When it's just a little cold out,
you need a light vest a light vest!
-Not now Quint. Later.
-Ugh.
-After we've done heroic June rescuing.
-Good idea.
[footsteps clomping]
It doesn't look like anybody's been here
for a long time.
Sorry, Jack,
she's probably long gone by now.
-We knew it was a long shot [gasps]
-[crash]
[Dirk]
Hey, did you guys hear
I heard, I heard
It came from down here.
[banging]
It's coming from the teacher's lounge.
[banging]
I always wondered what went on in there.
You know, they have their own couch,
and 3D printer,
and car wash, and microwave!
[microwave dings]
[Quint]
And zombie ball!
[zombies groaning]
[Dirk and Quint panting]
Ugh. Aaahhh!
Too close. Just looks like
a candid of Mr. Vukojevitch.
Less photoing, more running!
[panting]
-This is just like
-[both] Indiana Jones!
I know, but with zombies, right?
Again, you spend
way too much time together!
-The stairs!
-[Quint] Excellent idea, friend!
Let's see you climb a staircase,
you big ball of bile!
[groaning]
The zombie ball! It's evolving!
You got to admit,
that's pretty impressah!
[all] Aaahhh!
It won't budge.
Something's jammed it closed.
Mother of crudballs! We're trapped!
[groaning]
[all whimper]
I'm so sorry, guys.
I dragged us into this,
and now we're totally doomed.
[all screaming]
[all] Whoa!
[crash]
What happened?
Who opened the doors?
What are you idiots doing here?
[gasps] June! You're not undead!
-Well, duh.
-Uh
Fear not. We're here to rescue y
-Ah!
-Ah!
[groaning]
Aah!
-Yah!
-[zombies growling]
-[Dirk yells]
-[zombies snarling]
-Huh!
-Aah!
[grunting]
-[zombies moaning]
-[all] Whoa.
This way!
-[zombies moaning]
-[June panting]
It's a dead end.
[grunting]
Come on, boys, move it or lose it!
Whoa.
She is a ninja.
[grunting]
I'm good! That desk was loose.
-[grunting]
-OK, now I don't feel so bad.
OK, should I go left or right?
Yeah, yeah, so
How are you guys even alive?
[boys grunting]
[zombies groaning]
[zombie snarls]
It won't hold them back for long.
Wait. Wait.
[moaning]
-Now!
-[zombie] Ugh!
[Jack] So yeah, like I was saying,
before you saved us a bunch of times,
your worries are over!
[June grunting]
OK.
Slow down. I'm here to save
[zombies snarling]
[strong grunt]
Stay to the sides.
-What?
-[Quint squeals]
[zombies] Ooph!
She waxed the middle of the floor.
Brilliant!
[Jack thinking] My future girlfriend is
a strategic zombie-battling genius.
[snaps] Hey, snap out of it!
And I said to the guys,
we got to go find her.
So we came here to rescue you,
as soon as I saw your sign.
What sign?
The sweatshirt.
You hung your sweatshirt out the window.
-Wait. You know what I wear?
-Uh
-[Dirk grunts]
-[crash]
Uh, I'm OK!
That wasn't a sign.
I hung it out to dry, you weirdo.
I do not need saving.
And you blundering in here
has just made things worse.
What?!
You just filled the only path
to the cafeteria where I get my food
with zombies!
It took weeks to secure that hall.
Uh, OK. Clearly you're still in shock.
This is a rescue mission,
and I'm here to take you back with us,
to the tree house.
No! I've got to stay here.
-Why?
-None of your beeswax.
Now, feel free to help yourself to some
juice boxes, or some old textbooks,
and have a great apocalypse.
[laughing]
Wait, what? But, what?
Are you
What?!
You need to leave now!
OK, but it's super dark, and, uh
Quint twisted his ankle.
Uh, I did?
And Dirk is falling apart emotionally,
just a wreck.
[grunts] Nah, I'm cool, bro.
[water gurgling]
At least let us stay the night.
Hmph.
OK, I get it. I'll leave.
Let me just take care of this.
Over, under, around the zombie horde,
through the night, alone,
in the apocalypse.
[sighs] Fine.
[gasps] Woo-hoo!
But just one night.
I really hope that's not
how you tie your shoes.
I'll tie my shoes any way
you want me to tie my
Uh, sorry, I made it weird.
Stay the night?
I didn't even bring a toothbrush.
-And dental hygiene is
-No.
the second most important type of hyg
-Ugh!
-Come on.
This is gonna be great.
This stinks.
What do you do around here, for fun?
Well, right now I'm accommodating
three ungrateful guys
who crashed my place.
-Who? Oh, right.
-[Dirk] Ugh.
Look, thanks for letting us
stay the night and everything,
but can we do something
while we're here?
Let's explore the school.
It could be fun.
Or fatal.
Ah, come on, you'll see.
Hanging with us is awesome,
right, Dirk?
[mumbles]
And coming from him,
that's like five stars out of five.
We could find all the protractors
in the building!
Yeah! Or anything else. Come on!
[Dirk mumbling]
Hmm.
-[Quint screams]
-[gasps]
[Dirk and Quint laughing]
Come on, June! I'm losing.
I need you to push.
You will not best us
in this contest of speed, Captain Danger!
[Quint cries out]
[Jack]
Oh yeah, Tiger Pants?
Come on, it's dumb and easy,
just like field hockey.
Dumb and easy, huh?
[laughing]
Woo-hoo!
Yeah! Whoa!
[all laughing]
[grunting]
Oh, yeah! [laughs]
[happy screams and laughter]
Ugh. [laughs]
[zombies moaning]
[all] Yeah! Woo-hoo!
Ha ha ha!
Aah!
Yaaahhh!
Whoa! [laughs
[beatboxing]
What's that?
List of apocalyptic successes.
Oh! Private, huh?
Well, there's one of your successes.
I was going to put that photo you took
on the front page of the school paper.
-Seriously?
-Yoink!
-Beat a Dozer in a foot race.
-[grunting]
Steal the hats off five zombies.
Yeah, so? I told you I was awesome.
[Jack grunts]
Are you making this whole thing a game?
Dude! It's the end of the world!
OK, OK, hold on, hold on.
Uh, number one,
were you serious about
putting my photo on the front page?
-Jack!
-Uh, OK.
And number two [sighs]
I'm trying as hard as I can
to make the best of
a seriously bad situation.
I mean, look, it's terrible,
but I'm not just going to give up.
Some days are way scary,
and sometimes
things are pretty freaking sad.
But I'm trying real, real hard here
to keep on living
and have as much fun as I can
with friends.
Wait! Rescuing a damsel?
-Specifically June Del Toro?
-[gulps]
I'm one of your feats?
Uh, no! That's from my, uh,
non-feats list,
like my outrageous,
things-that-aren't-real list.
Uh, must be a mix-up here.
Strange.
-Yah!
-Uh, oh!
Be ready to leave
first thing in the morning.
That could have gone better.
[squawks]
[snoring]
[banging]
[door squeaks closed]
[door closes]
[sighs]
-[door squeaks]
-Hah!
Aah! Nice protractor throwing star.
Sorry. I'm not exactly used to
having anyone else around.
What are you doing up here?
Mrs. Stalder-Burke,
in the back of the head.
Aah! Ugh!
Whoa! You totally called it!
Yeah. It's something I do
when I get frustrated.
Yeah? What are you frustrated about?
Oh, right.
No it's not you, entirely.
-Want to try?
-Heck, yeah!
Watch this!
Mrs. Moore, right in the lady mustache!
Hyah!
Aah!
-You're horrible at this game.
-Aha!
So, it is a game.
You do enjoy amusement.
Don't push it.
So, when this all started,
did I imagine it, or did you, like,
look at me right before
you ducked into the school?
You were the last person
I saw alive that day.
After that, things got bad.
Running, hiding,
raiding the vending machines at night.
And then, on the fourth day, I saw them,
my parents, on the rescue bus.
They saw me, but there were
too many monsters, too many zombies.
They couldn't get to me,
and I couldn't get to them.
I know my parents will come back for me.
And when they do,
they'll be looking for me here.
That's why I can't leave.
But you could leave them a note
saying you're at the tree house.
Heck, I saw your note
when you weren't even trying to leave one.
It's better than staying here all alone.
Believe me,
I know what it's like to be alone.
Uh, Mr. Wallaby's booty! No backboard.
Nothing but net. Yah!
[zombies grunting]
You are a dinosaur-sized doofus.
Yeah, maybe.
But I'm telling you, June,
the apocalypse is better with friends.
I saw that on a bumper sticker once.
[sighs] OK, tell me about this tree house.
Yes! You're going to love it.
It's got a zipline, a diving board,
a moat, telescopes, and
Stop talking.
You had me at zipline.
-[gasps]
-But
let me make one thing absolutely clear.
I am no damsel in distress!
Let me jot that down.
[hums and laughs]
We'll be like the four musketeers.
We can eat cake for breakfast
and stay up as late as we want,
and play video games 24/7 and
[monster roars]
Blarg.
What? What is that?
[roars]
OK, so that's Blarg.
Blarg, June. June, Blarg.
It's the gigantic monster,
out to get to me,
that, uh, maybe, sort of,
followed me here.
What? Didn't you say you had
this postapocalyptic thing down?
I do. Pretty much, mostly.
End of the world
has a steep learning curve.
Leading a ginormous monster
right to my door,
is not what I call having it down. Uh!
Uh, I know, I know, you're right!
This is my fault. But even more,
it's his fault! Stupid Blarg.
Go on! Get out of here! Beat it!
Ugh! Uh!
[laughs] What? I was angry.
And now, it knows where we are!
I, oh, right.
[zombies moaning]
So, why doesn't he attack?
And why did he trip over that car?
[roars]
Tell me everything you know
about this Bloog.
-It's Blarg.
-Whatever.
Well
Please tell me you haven't spent
all your time
playing zombie basketball,
and have some actual intel on this thing.
We estimate it's approximately
40 feet tall,
with armored skin, razor claws,
and smells, disturbingly, like Josh.
-Who?
-A kid I went to elementary school with.
Wait! Look at the pale green eyes!
If he's like other creatures,
that would mean,
his low light vision is poor!
That's why he tripped over the car!
He can't see in the dark!
Now, that's good intel!
The parking lot
doesn't have much cover,
but if we get up before dawn,
I think we could sneak past it.
[Jack]
Forget it. The sun is almost up,
Blarg is on top of us,
there's zombies everywhere.
I'm sorry, this is all my fault.
-Hey!
-Gah! Ugh!
You wanted to be a hero!
Now, stop apologizing, and help me
plan an escape strategy. Ugh!
All right! It's game time.
Huh!
[whack]
[grunts]
[blows]
-Where's Quint?
-[door slams open]
I'm armored
armored with science!
Postapocalyptic tactical chemistry belt,
smoke flash capsules,
insta-flame tablets,
sulfuric stick bomb,
acid eye blast.
I raided the chemistry lab.
Dude, you're scaring me, right now.
And I freaking love it!
Three, two, uno!
[door squeaks]
[Blarg stomping]
Shh.
[sniffing]
[cracks]
[zombies growling]
[snarls]
[growls]
[Quint grunts]
-[zombies grunt]
-June!
What?
Nice.
-Eee!
-[clangs]
Uh. Unh!
[zombie yelling]
[sniffs]
Feat complete. Stealth escape.
Nice parking.
[laughs] And away we
[engine roars]
[Blarg roars]
Feat not complete!
-[Dirk] Turn off the lights!
-[all] Aah!
-[smash]
-[all] Aah!
We're all going to be Blarg food.
Unless
-Get back here!
-What are you doing?
[rips]
[beatboxing]
Your dance moves are way lousy.
Yeah, they are!
You guys go, I'll lead him away.
No, we're not leaving you.
Fine! Then, I'm leaving you!
[growls]
Jack! Acid eye blast!
We're bad at this!
Simply awful, friend.
-[roars]
-[Jack grunts]
Gah. [panting]
[Dirk]
Go! Go! Go!
So stupid. So stupid. So stupid.
All right, Blarg!
Take a face full of science!
-[glass breaking]
-[roars]
Blarg's leveled up. Acid Blarg.
Bubbling forehead wound.
Chemically mangled mug.
Look on his face like,
this time it's personal.
[roars]
Oh, crud, about to die face.
[roars]
[boinks]
[dog snarling]
Rover!
I knew you'd be back.
-[roars]
-[Rover barks]
[Rover snarling]
[roars]
[tires squealing]
[Jack] Aaahhh!
Oh! Hey guys!
You're alive!
So far.
And. And
Yep! We have a pet monster.
So glad, I decided to come with you guys.
[Jack]
He's right behind us!
[spit roars]
Oh, that's not good.
To the tree house.
Time for some nitrous oxide!
Quint! Activate the defenses.
I am in favor of that idea.
[electronic beeps]
[machines whirring]
Fire!
[breaking]
We can't stay here!
He'll tear this place apart!
No. We're going to stay and defend it.
My whole life, I've never had a home
worth fighting for,
or friends to share it with.
Now I do. And
I'm not giving it up without a fight!
I'm not
Ugh!
Less speeches, more fighting!
Outer defenses breached!
-To Valhalla!
-What?
Fire! Fire everything!
Fridge-apult!
Oh, that didn't work!
[roars]
[rockets whistling]
[roars]
Hey! Watch out!
[Quint] Hey!
Eat flash capsules! Unh!
[roaring]
Quint magic!
-[growls]
-Aah!
Hey! Butt breath!
Why don't you pick on someone
your own size?
-[roars]
-[Dirk] Unh!
Yah!
[spit roars]
Aah!
[sizzling, bubbling]
Aaahhh! Oh!
That was unnecessary roughness.
We've exhausted
all the tree house weapons!
We've still got Big Mama!
Ready the harpoon!
[roars]
Ugh! Oh, no! The remote!
Operation Retrieve Quint's Harpoon Remote!
-June!
-Fear not, Jack!
I'm here to rescue y
Uh!
-No!
-Ugh!
Aah!
[roaring]
Jack! More to the right!
A little higher.
-Ahh.
-Just fire already!
Uh!
-[gasps]
-[gasps]
No!
[Rover yelps]
Rover!
-Hang on!
-Uh!
-Ugh!
-Aaahhh!
[gasps]
Uh-oh!
-Whoa!
-Sorry, buddy!
Quint! The slicer! Toss and catch!
But you can't catch! And I can't toss!
Today we can.
Today we will!
[grunts]
[exhales]
[roars]
[grunting]
[cries out]
-Toss!
-And catch!
Oh, yeah!
[roars]
Not grabbing me this time!
Aaahhh!
-[splats]
-[roars]
-Yes!
-[June laughs]
[Jack cries out]
Ugh!
-[panting]
-[Blarg growling]
We, we did it!
That was awesome!
Hey, dork! Stop smiling!
Wasn't that cool.
[fireworks]
Wait. I don't have to
pretend imagine this.
-It's actually happening.
-[all laugh]
Ultimate feat complete!
No, no, wait! This was
an even more ultimate feat.
Yeah!
We formed an awesome team.
We defended our home,
and we took down
the boss-level bad guy!
Feat complete!
-[Rover gnashing]
-Operation Cleanup.
-Wouldn't it just be easier to move?
-No way!
There are, like,
hundreds of empty houses.
You guys.
Huh! Oh, ping-pong!
-I love ping-pong!
-Who doesn't?
-Unh!
-Uh.
Ha ha!
[snuffling]
-Hey, come back here.
-[June laughs]
-Rover's on our team!
-[Dirk] Hey, no fair!
[all laughing]
[Jack]
So, I guess it's not just me anymore.
We're now a whole,
postapocalyptic family,
destined to live happily ever after.
[monster growling] Humans.