The Last Post (2017) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
1 Oh, it must be 100 degrees! Why am I wearing wool? Our driver will be here soon.
Before we melt? It might be cooler inside, darling.
I love it when you call me darling.
I don't think I'll ever get used to it.
This isn't Aldershot, is it? I can't tell you how happy that makes me.
'Aden, where East meets West.
Vital as an oil refinery, as well as a Gulf trade route.
The beach here at Aden is lovely.
The sand is warm and the sharks are not always hungry.
The Queen has full confidence in Aden's future describing it as the perfect example of colonial rule.
Ah lan.
Ahlan.
Kaif halik? Kaif halik? Aismi al Earif Armstrong.
~ ~ ~ Tony.
Yusra.
What? What did you say? Hurry up, Baxter! Well, we'll miss you, sir.
All this cash we win off you.
- On the Queen.
All in.
- All in! - Oh, hang on, oi! - Here we go Wait Shh, shh, shh.
- No! No! - Yes! I've spent two years waiting for a fly to land on that card! What's the chances? You fixed it for me to win.
Oh, no, no not me, sir.
I respect you too much, Captain.
I know you better than any soldier I've ever served with and you fixed it for me to win.
How would I do that, sir, a pet fly that understands English? So, you're telling me on my last day I finally hit the jackpot? A good officer needs three things -- judgment, authority and luck.
- Hear, hear.
- You've got all three, sir.
Thanks.
- I farted on it.
- No, you didn't! - You did what?! He always puts his money on the Queen of Hearts.
I farted on it before the game started.
Alison, we need to Have a good day at the office, dear.
Ey up, Sarge, Laithwaite of Arabia's here.
Can I ask where you're going, sir? Off base? Sir? Doing my job.
Well, it is standard military police practise to always know where you are, sir.
It's classified.
Lieutenant Laithwaite is, er What's the word I'm looking for, sir? Are you about to criticise an officer in the presence and hearing of another officer, Baxter? The British Army is the best in the world .
.
because you always trust the man standing next to you.
Captain Page, taking a last look around? An officer's wife hanging a bra out to dry.
What's the world coming to? Sir.
From the hillside above Ballinluig.
It's seen me through, you have it now.
They're getting me a drum.
How do you know? A good officer knows everything his men are doing.
Why didn't Ed get it? Your job.
Don't know.
Nothing to do with me? - No.
- Oh, so you - do - know.
Your husband is a good officer So it must be me.
What am I going to do without you? I think you should put some effort into being Mrs Laithwaite .
.
and maybe a bit less of that.
Don't do that.
Not now, so late in the bloody day.
Can we? One more time? Love letters straight from your heart Keep us so near while apart Promise me you'll be safe.
I'm not alone in the night When I can have All the love you write I memorise every line And I kiss the name that you sign We said we wouldn't! It is the biggest shipment of arms into Aden yet and they are British, left behind after Suez.
So we're supplying the weapons and the targets? Mm-hm.
The British Empire is destroying itself and we're not even making money out of it.
One thing in the shipment is not British -- a Blindicide Bazooka.
Belgian.
- They're serious.
- Mm.
And did your man get any closer to this leader? Better than that Abdul Kadir Hakim.
He'll do anything to get rid of the British and he wants to put on a show to announce himself.
What kind of show? He sees you as the symbol of occupation -- the Royal Military Police.
Maybe it's the red caps you wear.
Look, they came with us -- raindrops from England! Come under the umbrella, Joe.
Oh, I'm fine.
Tell me something I don't know about my new husband.
- Like what? - Anything.
I'm just as you see me.
What if they've forgotten us? They'll be here.
No, what if night comes and it's just you and me and and the desert and the stars? Really, afraid of planes?! Geronimo, fall in! I've got his leaving present here.
Here you are.
I don't know what the locals call it.
A mirwas, sir.
Tight skin, small, hairy.
Why would Captain Page want a drum? To remind him of your lovely bollocks, Stoneham.
He'll get a regimental plaque for the wall.
They all get that.
The good ones get a piss up in the Sergeants' Mess.
The best, the very best, the one's that you'd die for? They get something that means something.
It doesn't matter what it is, it's the fact that you give it.
He's the best officer I've served under in 20 years.
Year and a half and we're still standing.
So, the new man, what do you know about him? I know that his driver's late.
Eh? Oh, f Run! So a piss up in the Sergeants' Mess? Not for you, Stoneham.
You get to baby-sit the CO's boy.
George, come and look! All right Hello! I was just taking a last look at the desert from the roof.
Do you think Father Christmas will come? - Come on, George.
- I'm going to decorate the tree Oh, hello, Mary.
My fourth shower of the day.
Sometimes I think it's all I do -- sweat and wash.
Perspire and ablute.
The men do the sweating and the washing.
What would any of us do without you? Are you all right, Alison? The walls used to sweat Do you remember?.
.
in Hong Kong.
We used to sit and watch the water running down the walls.
Such close relationships we make in Army life.
But we pack up and we move on.
In the morning, he'll be gone.
Look, we all think Ed should have got the promotion, so it'll be hard for him with the new man.
He'll need your support.
This is for you and Ed.
Merry Christmas, Mrs Laithwaite.
What did your man say? That he's the charismatic leader that they've all been waiting for, and to announce himself to the world, it's us red caps that he's after.
What would you have me do? Send the whole unit out on night patrol but not give Captain Page his send-off, all because your source has a feeling in his waters? Give me permission to interview the prisoner.
- My source says he seems to know something - That's not possible.
- Intel boys are in with him as we speak and my orders are to - Sir.
.
.
leave him to stew, as talking to these people before softening them up doesn't work.
How would we know that? Has it ever been tried? You're obeying orders.
It's what we do! Don't be bitter, Ed.
If you get angry because you were passed up for promotion, you'll be passed up next time.
Left, right, left! Left, left! Left, right, left, right! Left, right, left! Until he cracked his jaw Oh, ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Not a mark on him.
Leave the prisoner in that position until I tell you.
There's a good chap.
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha, ha-ha Shh.
~ ~ Trust me.
What are you doing? Trying to do my job.
Well, don't.
There are rules.
Usually rules are written down.
Not these ones.
Why not, sir? - Ed - 72 hours of stress and everyone talks -- that's the theory.
You don't think it works? I think torture's the best recruiting sergeant for terrorists.
How long till the intel boys come back? They didn't say.
Well, he's our prisoner, sir.
In their absence ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Corporal Armstrong, sir.
You're late, Armstrong.
Yes, sir.
Sorry, sir.
Hello, Armstrong.
Why? Sir? Why are you late? Well, the war doesn't stop, sir -- not at anyone's convenience, sir.
Are you being facetious? I don't know, sir.
It's a yes or no answer, Corporal.
Well, it is if you know what facetious means, sir.
Don't do that, darling.
What? He needs to know that lateness will not be tolerated by me.
Well, what did I do? You took your sunglasses off.
Er, George, darling, will you get the angel for Mummy? Hmm? Good boy.
It's a fairy.
I think it's an angel.
It's a fucking fairy.
Oh! Where did you hear that word? Mrs Laithwaite.
She says it a lot.
What's the difference? Ask Daddy.
Daddy! You do it, Daddy.
Mummy can't reach.
One, two, three Good grief! What's Mummy feeding you these days? Up Well done.
Tidy up your cars.
What is it? Nothing.
It's not nothing, Mary.
Tell me.
The number he wants on the back of his football shirt for Christmas.
I don't understand.
Have you tried sewing a number eight? Is that it? Is that all? Hmm And you? I'm fine.
She sells seashells on the seashore.
The seashells that she sells are seashells [.
.
sea shore.
.]
Come on, Joe! She sells seashells on the seashore.
The seashells that she sells are seashells, she's sure.
We were playing it on the plane, but you couldn't get it, could you, darling? Not at all.
Not even slowly.
We only got married a week ago.
We didn't have time for a honeymoon, so this drive is it.
This is our week in Capri, Armstrong.
What was he like? Captain Page? Technically he hasn't left yet.
He won't be doing much sleeping tonight, though.
You haven't answered my question.
We trusted him with our lives, sir.
What about me? Who are my new friends going to be? Brigadier Christmas.
Captain Page came to say goodbye, which says a lot about him, don't you think? He told me something he shouldn't have.
He said everyone thinks it should have been you.
Drink? I'm on duty.
Do you mind if I do? Why would he say that? Why wouldn't he? I don't know.
Cos it's not true? I'm just not one of the boys, Al.
Knock knock.
Who's there? Come in, Mary! It was good of Nick Page.
What's that? To do the farewell rounds.
Oh, he brought me a sprig of heather.
Such a charmer.
Did he come and see you too? And there was me thinking I was the special one.
Hmm I'd better get off.
Security checks.
What would you like for Christmas? I'd give anything for a wet weekend in Haslemere.
Ah Thank you, Jeeves.
And you shall have this one.
That song again -- you'd think she'd grow tired of it.
I'm so glad I'm married to you.
What a funny thing to say.
I think it every day.
What if it were a different number? What if it weren't a number eight? Then my life would be without a single wrinkle.
Oh! Oh, sorry.
No, no.
You should go -- the wives are waiting.
We should be asking her to baby-sit.
No, I'd prefer Corporal Stoneham doing it.
Calamine lotion for his prickly heat.
Fan speed high until he goes to bed, then turn it down to the second-slowest speed.
Bedtime is straight after Uncle Bill on BFBS.
Two puffs on his asthma inhaler.
Don't forget to tell Corporal Stoneham all of this.
It's important.
And Green Teddy needs his pyjamas on for bed.
Ed Laithwaite took the hood off a prisoner today.
I had to put it back on.
I Goodnight, lovely boy.
Goodnight, Green Teddy.
You smell nice, Mummy.
Oh.
Fucking nice.
I memorise every line - Ah, two targets for tonight, Corporal.
- Sir.
One -- a haircut, short and sensible.
Two -- a new favourite footballer.
It has to be a winger so there's a number seven or a number 11 on his back.
Achieve these, and I'll get you mentioned in dispatches.
Good lad.
These are the officers' blocks.
You'll be taking over Captain Page's quarters, sir.
Thank you, Corporal.
Sir.
- Wait.
- Hmm? Ooh! Oh, hello M-M-Mrs Page? There's no Mrs Page.
He's married to the army.
They all are.
Drunk.
Sorry.
Don't tell anyone.
Ah.
The new man.
(Darling, we should) - (um) - (Oh, yes.
) Oh, God Baxter.
I don't want you drinking tonight.
Yes? - Too late, sir.
- Well, I need you to double the guard.
The whole unit is on the base, Ed.
The base is secure.
Sir.
Sometimes the best officers know when to switch off.
Yes, sir.
You need to tell me what they're planning.
I know that you know.
Cigarette? Shukran.
I gave you an order.
Now get yourself along to the Sergeants' Mess and start behaving like a proper officer! I had him.
He's about to talk.
I said to leave him alone.
If anything happens .
.
your conscience.
Sorry.
We're in and out of each other's quarters all the time.
You'll see.
But everyone is so looking forward to you both.
Ah! The Sergeants' Mess -- they'll be singing him out.
Why don't you pop along and they can sing you in? In with the new, out with the old? In, out, in, out, shake it all about? - Will you be all right, darling? - Yes.
Course she will.
We're going to be the best of friends.
Incorruptible.
I don't want a haircut.
I want to be a footballer.
He will be the best footballer the world has ever seen.
- You watch.
- What's his name? George.
Like me! Oh, yeah.
He's got long hair.
Yeah.
What number is he? Seven.
Sometimes 11.
Have you ever been up on the roof at night? - No.
- What do you think you might see? The stars! How about -- I cut your hair while you look at the stars? Promise me you won't tell your dad.
Come on, then.
Whoa! Wow.
Let's sit down, then.
You know, even the nearest star is billions of miles away, but it still feels like you can reach up and touch it, doesn't it? Everyone -- this is Captain Joe Martin's wife, Honor.
Honor.
Wool in Aden.
Your MFO boxes haven't arrived? Ah, well, none of my dresses fit.
You can have them all while I'm so enormous.
I'm sorry.
It should have been you.
Thanks, Nick.
Er, gentlemen, if I could er, have your attention briefly.
Remember this.
We are the British Army and as such, we represent Her Majesty The Queen.
So I don't want to see any drunkenness or foolishness tonight.
At 22-hundred hours I shall be retiring to my married quarters, from where, I have to inform you, that I shall be unable to see or hear anything.
A drum! You shouldn't have! - We got you something loud and ugly, sir - Thank you.
Speech! I can't begin to put into words what it has meant to me to serve with all of you.
Except to say that I have been guided in everything that I've done by what some army officers call respect for their men, others call comradeship, but which I have no hesitation in describing as love.
Hip, hip Thank you, Baxter.
I'm pregnant.
It's not Ed's.
Alison I'm going to tell him.
Captain Martin.
Nick Page's replacement.
Call me Ed.
Captain.
Not a drinking man? Not tonight.
OK, men, this is it.
OK.
Done! Lift me up like Daddy does.
George! Go to your bed! Go on! Seeing you makes me happy much.
- That's - Is this wrong? No.
No, it's much right.
Just wear the clothes that Mrs Markham lent you.
Oh, darling, they're a bit She'll be offended if you don't.
And you're beautiful whatever you wear.
Alison said she'd help me out, with everything.
Well, Lieutenant Laithwaite is a Lieutenant.
He's below me, in rank.
So? What if I have to order him to do something he doesn't want to do? It won't help either of us if my wife and his wife are friends.
The one you need to win over is Orchover.
Thank you for the advice, Corporal? Orchover, sir.
20 years a Corporal -- never wanted to take his Sergeant's exams.
Normandy, The Rhine, Suez, Malaya.
He's seen it all.
Him and Baxter -- they're the backbone.
And the wives? Has Laithwaite got his wife under control? Time to go, sir -- your carriage awaits! - Sir.
- Sir.
- Sir.
I hope you were a good boy for Corporal Stoneham last night? Daddy? - Daddy? - Yes.
I got shot in the head.
Sounds like you had a good time.
A quiet night after all.
None of us should apologise for what we've given to those parts of the world lucky enough to have us.
Once the roads and the schools and the hospitals are built, we leave.
The British Empire is benevolent.
What's the longest conversation you've had with anyone in Aden who was born here? Have you ever had the curiosity or the courtesy or the imagination to ask anyone if they agree with you? They hate you, sir, and everything you stand for.
Me? It's us, Ed.
We wear the same uniform.
We trust one another because we live by the same rules.
Let's get him the fuck out of here! Take care, sir.
Alison? Hello? Green hills of Tyrol Because those green hills are not highland hills Or the island hills They're not my land's hills And fair as these green foreign hills may be They are not the island hills They're not my land's hills As fair as these green foreign hills may be They are not the hills of home They are not the hills of home! Thanks, sir.
Sir scotch.
- Stick 'em on the bonnet.
They'll be dry in two minutes.
- Oh Drop 'em! Stop laughing.
And the rest.
All right there, like that? Sir! Oi, sir, come Sir, come on! Sir [Sir, what are you doing?!.]
[You look beautiful!.]
- Sir, you've got me shorts - Come on! - Hurry up! - Oh, come on, sir, please! - Sir, for God's sake! - Come on! Come on, please! Fucking hell.
Sorry, come on.
- Come back, sir! - Woo-woo-woo! - Sir, come back! Ah! Ah, shit.
~ ~ ~ Squad, stand at ease.
RAF recon are saying it's a single Land Rover.
And it's burnt out.
Sir is it them? Captain Page and Lance Corporal Armstrong .
.
should have been at the airfield two hours ago.
The more professionalism we show now, in dealing with this, the better the chance of us finding whoever is responsible.
Remember who we are and what Lance Corporal Armstrong and Captain Page would expect from you.
Where are they? OK, which way did they go? Look at me! Which way did they go? Stay where you are.
Tell me everything you know, everything you saw.
Hands where I can see them.
Tell me what you know! Look at me, tell me what you know.
The men are finding this hard.
It's pretty vital that we officers keep our emotions under control.
Right! Come out, come out! Are there any more men in there? - ~ - Baxter! - Sir! - ~ I need you here.
- Sir! - They'll be long gone.
With respect, sir, no, they won't, sir.
My guess is they'll still be here, hiding in amongst the locals.
No Armstrong? - Sir? - No remains.
Nothing.
Why not? - Did he wear dog tags? - Yes, sir.
So, where are they? Radio back to base.
- I want a search party out, now! - Sir! - Sir, I think we should move out.
- We're sitting ducks.
- We're not finished here.
We take our dead with us and we do it with dignity.
I want them all to know what the British Army is made of.
Slow.
Slower.
Yusra? Tony.
- ~ - No Shukran, shukran.
Oh There, all done.
I'm sorry, I Sorry, I can't write this.
Where do they live? Er, Sancreed.
The toe end of Cornwall.
We've been there.
The sheep in the churchyard, do you remember? He was their only son, Mary.
It'll kill them.
Will you help me? "Dear Mr and Mrs Page" I memorise Every line And I kiss the name That you sign We're NOT like that! Oh, we are! Oh, we pretend we're not but we are! Help him up.
Lieutenant! These are real people.
Some of them are wonderful, some of them are bastards! - OK.
- Most of them are, you know, they're just in between, they're just like us.
But we can't treat people the same because the rules say.
- Then why the hell were you doing that to him? - Because he knew.
Because I knew.
I knew.
- I'm sorry.
- Go home.
Have a drink.
Be with your wife.
Armstrong? Armstrong! You're late.
Yes, sir.
Sorry, sir.
Very late.
Yes, sir.
Welcome home.
I saw a shooting star.
Death, that's what you're seeing.
The raid party goes in at 1300 hours.
Their objective, to capture one man.
He's brutal, he's clever.
Ambre Solaire, fish and chips, gin.
This is my favourite place in the world.
I'm sorry about Nick Page.
It's even harder! There's a reporter coming with us.
I can't make this decision, choosing between my wife and my men.
Before we melt? It might be cooler inside, darling.
I love it when you call me darling.
I don't think I'll ever get used to it.
This isn't Aldershot, is it? I can't tell you how happy that makes me.
'Aden, where East meets West.
Vital as an oil refinery, as well as a Gulf trade route.
The beach here at Aden is lovely.
The sand is warm and the sharks are not always hungry.
The Queen has full confidence in Aden's future describing it as the perfect example of colonial rule.
Ah lan.
Ahlan.
Kaif halik? Kaif halik? Aismi al Earif Armstrong.
~ ~ ~ Tony.
Yusra.
What? What did you say? Hurry up, Baxter! Well, we'll miss you, sir.
All this cash we win off you.
- On the Queen.
All in.
- All in! - Oh, hang on, oi! - Here we go Wait Shh, shh, shh.
- No! No! - Yes! I've spent two years waiting for a fly to land on that card! What's the chances? You fixed it for me to win.
Oh, no, no not me, sir.
I respect you too much, Captain.
I know you better than any soldier I've ever served with and you fixed it for me to win.
How would I do that, sir, a pet fly that understands English? So, you're telling me on my last day I finally hit the jackpot? A good officer needs three things -- judgment, authority and luck.
- Hear, hear.
- You've got all three, sir.
Thanks.
- I farted on it.
- No, you didn't! - You did what?! He always puts his money on the Queen of Hearts.
I farted on it before the game started.
Alison, we need to Have a good day at the office, dear.
Ey up, Sarge, Laithwaite of Arabia's here.
Can I ask where you're going, sir? Off base? Sir? Doing my job.
Well, it is standard military police practise to always know where you are, sir.
It's classified.
Lieutenant Laithwaite is, er What's the word I'm looking for, sir? Are you about to criticise an officer in the presence and hearing of another officer, Baxter? The British Army is the best in the world .
.
because you always trust the man standing next to you.
Captain Page, taking a last look around? An officer's wife hanging a bra out to dry.
What's the world coming to? Sir.
From the hillside above Ballinluig.
It's seen me through, you have it now.
They're getting me a drum.
How do you know? A good officer knows everything his men are doing.
Why didn't Ed get it? Your job.
Don't know.
Nothing to do with me? - No.
- Oh, so you - do - know.
Your husband is a good officer So it must be me.
What am I going to do without you? I think you should put some effort into being Mrs Laithwaite .
.
and maybe a bit less of that.
Don't do that.
Not now, so late in the bloody day.
Can we? One more time? Love letters straight from your heart Keep us so near while apart Promise me you'll be safe.
I'm not alone in the night When I can have All the love you write I memorise every line And I kiss the name that you sign We said we wouldn't! It is the biggest shipment of arms into Aden yet and they are British, left behind after Suez.
So we're supplying the weapons and the targets? Mm-hm.
The British Empire is destroying itself and we're not even making money out of it.
One thing in the shipment is not British -- a Blindicide Bazooka.
Belgian.
- They're serious.
- Mm.
And did your man get any closer to this leader? Better than that Abdul Kadir Hakim.
He'll do anything to get rid of the British and he wants to put on a show to announce himself.
What kind of show? He sees you as the symbol of occupation -- the Royal Military Police.
Maybe it's the red caps you wear.
Look, they came with us -- raindrops from England! Come under the umbrella, Joe.
Oh, I'm fine.
Tell me something I don't know about my new husband.
- Like what? - Anything.
I'm just as you see me.
What if they've forgotten us? They'll be here.
No, what if night comes and it's just you and me and and the desert and the stars? Really, afraid of planes?! Geronimo, fall in! I've got his leaving present here.
Here you are.
I don't know what the locals call it.
A mirwas, sir.
Tight skin, small, hairy.
Why would Captain Page want a drum? To remind him of your lovely bollocks, Stoneham.
He'll get a regimental plaque for the wall.
They all get that.
The good ones get a piss up in the Sergeants' Mess.
The best, the very best, the one's that you'd die for? They get something that means something.
It doesn't matter what it is, it's the fact that you give it.
He's the best officer I've served under in 20 years.
Year and a half and we're still standing.
So, the new man, what do you know about him? I know that his driver's late.
Eh? Oh, f Run! So a piss up in the Sergeants' Mess? Not for you, Stoneham.
You get to baby-sit the CO's boy.
George, come and look! All right Hello! I was just taking a last look at the desert from the roof.
Do you think Father Christmas will come? - Come on, George.
- I'm going to decorate the tree Oh, hello, Mary.
My fourth shower of the day.
Sometimes I think it's all I do -- sweat and wash.
Perspire and ablute.
The men do the sweating and the washing.
What would any of us do without you? Are you all right, Alison? The walls used to sweat Do you remember?.
.
in Hong Kong.
We used to sit and watch the water running down the walls.
Such close relationships we make in Army life.
But we pack up and we move on.
In the morning, he'll be gone.
Look, we all think Ed should have got the promotion, so it'll be hard for him with the new man.
He'll need your support.
This is for you and Ed.
Merry Christmas, Mrs Laithwaite.
What did your man say? That he's the charismatic leader that they've all been waiting for, and to announce himself to the world, it's us red caps that he's after.
What would you have me do? Send the whole unit out on night patrol but not give Captain Page his send-off, all because your source has a feeling in his waters? Give me permission to interview the prisoner.
- My source says he seems to know something - That's not possible.
- Intel boys are in with him as we speak and my orders are to - Sir.
.
.
leave him to stew, as talking to these people before softening them up doesn't work.
How would we know that? Has it ever been tried? You're obeying orders.
It's what we do! Don't be bitter, Ed.
If you get angry because you were passed up for promotion, you'll be passed up next time.
Left, right, left! Left, left! Left, right, left, right! Left, right, left! Until he cracked his jaw Oh, ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Not a mark on him.
Leave the prisoner in that position until I tell you.
There's a good chap.
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha, ha-ha Shh.
~ ~ Trust me.
What are you doing? Trying to do my job.
Well, don't.
There are rules.
Usually rules are written down.
Not these ones.
Why not, sir? - Ed - 72 hours of stress and everyone talks -- that's the theory.
You don't think it works? I think torture's the best recruiting sergeant for terrorists.
How long till the intel boys come back? They didn't say.
Well, he's our prisoner, sir.
In their absence ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Corporal Armstrong, sir.
You're late, Armstrong.
Yes, sir.
Sorry, sir.
Hello, Armstrong.
Why? Sir? Why are you late? Well, the war doesn't stop, sir -- not at anyone's convenience, sir.
Are you being facetious? I don't know, sir.
It's a yes or no answer, Corporal.
Well, it is if you know what facetious means, sir.
Don't do that, darling.
What? He needs to know that lateness will not be tolerated by me.
Well, what did I do? You took your sunglasses off.
Er, George, darling, will you get the angel for Mummy? Hmm? Good boy.
It's a fairy.
I think it's an angel.
It's a fucking fairy.
Oh! Where did you hear that word? Mrs Laithwaite.
She says it a lot.
What's the difference? Ask Daddy.
Daddy! You do it, Daddy.
Mummy can't reach.
One, two, three Good grief! What's Mummy feeding you these days? Up Well done.
Tidy up your cars.
What is it? Nothing.
It's not nothing, Mary.
Tell me.
The number he wants on the back of his football shirt for Christmas.
I don't understand.
Have you tried sewing a number eight? Is that it? Is that all? Hmm And you? I'm fine.
She sells seashells on the seashore.
The seashells that she sells are seashells [.
.
sea shore.
.]
Come on, Joe! She sells seashells on the seashore.
The seashells that she sells are seashells, she's sure.
We were playing it on the plane, but you couldn't get it, could you, darling? Not at all.
Not even slowly.
We only got married a week ago.
We didn't have time for a honeymoon, so this drive is it.
This is our week in Capri, Armstrong.
What was he like? Captain Page? Technically he hasn't left yet.
He won't be doing much sleeping tonight, though.
You haven't answered my question.
We trusted him with our lives, sir.
What about me? Who are my new friends going to be? Brigadier Christmas.
Captain Page came to say goodbye, which says a lot about him, don't you think? He told me something he shouldn't have.
He said everyone thinks it should have been you.
Drink? I'm on duty.
Do you mind if I do? Why would he say that? Why wouldn't he? I don't know.
Cos it's not true? I'm just not one of the boys, Al.
Knock knock.
Who's there? Come in, Mary! It was good of Nick Page.
What's that? To do the farewell rounds.
Oh, he brought me a sprig of heather.
Such a charmer.
Did he come and see you too? And there was me thinking I was the special one.
Hmm I'd better get off.
Security checks.
What would you like for Christmas? I'd give anything for a wet weekend in Haslemere.
Ah Thank you, Jeeves.
And you shall have this one.
That song again -- you'd think she'd grow tired of it.
I'm so glad I'm married to you.
What a funny thing to say.
I think it every day.
What if it were a different number? What if it weren't a number eight? Then my life would be without a single wrinkle.
Oh! Oh, sorry.
No, no.
You should go -- the wives are waiting.
We should be asking her to baby-sit.
No, I'd prefer Corporal Stoneham doing it.
Calamine lotion for his prickly heat.
Fan speed high until he goes to bed, then turn it down to the second-slowest speed.
Bedtime is straight after Uncle Bill on BFBS.
Two puffs on his asthma inhaler.
Don't forget to tell Corporal Stoneham all of this.
It's important.
And Green Teddy needs his pyjamas on for bed.
Ed Laithwaite took the hood off a prisoner today.
I had to put it back on.
I Goodnight, lovely boy.
Goodnight, Green Teddy.
You smell nice, Mummy.
Oh.
Fucking nice.
I memorise every line - Ah, two targets for tonight, Corporal.
- Sir.
One -- a haircut, short and sensible.
Two -- a new favourite footballer.
It has to be a winger so there's a number seven or a number 11 on his back.
Achieve these, and I'll get you mentioned in dispatches.
Good lad.
These are the officers' blocks.
You'll be taking over Captain Page's quarters, sir.
Thank you, Corporal.
Sir.
- Wait.
- Hmm? Ooh! Oh, hello M-M-Mrs Page? There's no Mrs Page.
He's married to the army.
They all are.
Drunk.
Sorry.
Don't tell anyone.
Ah.
The new man.
(Darling, we should) - (um) - (Oh, yes.
) Oh, God Baxter.
I don't want you drinking tonight.
Yes? - Too late, sir.
- Well, I need you to double the guard.
The whole unit is on the base, Ed.
The base is secure.
Sir.
Sometimes the best officers know when to switch off.
Yes, sir.
You need to tell me what they're planning.
I know that you know.
Cigarette? Shukran.
I gave you an order.
Now get yourself along to the Sergeants' Mess and start behaving like a proper officer! I had him.
He's about to talk.
I said to leave him alone.
If anything happens .
.
your conscience.
Sorry.
We're in and out of each other's quarters all the time.
You'll see.
But everyone is so looking forward to you both.
Ah! The Sergeants' Mess -- they'll be singing him out.
Why don't you pop along and they can sing you in? In with the new, out with the old? In, out, in, out, shake it all about? - Will you be all right, darling? - Yes.
Course she will.
We're going to be the best of friends.
Incorruptible.
I don't want a haircut.
I want to be a footballer.
He will be the best footballer the world has ever seen.
- You watch.
- What's his name? George.
Like me! Oh, yeah.
He's got long hair.
Yeah.
What number is he? Seven.
Sometimes 11.
Have you ever been up on the roof at night? - No.
- What do you think you might see? The stars! How about -- I cut your hair while you look at the stars? Promise me you won't tell your dad.
Come on, then.
Whoa! Wow.
Let's sit down, then.
You know, even the nearest star is billions of miles away, but it still feels like you can reach up and touch it, doesn't it? Everyone -- this is Captain Joe Martin's wife, Honor.
Honor.
Wool in Aden.
Your MFO boxes haven't arrived? Ah, well, none of my dresses fit.
You can have them all while I'm so enormous.
I'm sorry.
It should have been you.
Thanks, Nick.
Er, gentlemen, if I could er, have your attention briefly.
Remember this.
We are the British Army and as such, we represent Her Majesty The Queen.
So I don't want to see any drunkenness or foolishness tonight.
At 22-hundred hours I shall be retiring to my married quarters, from where, I have to inform you, that I shall be unable to see or hear anything.
A drum! You shouldn't have! - We got you something loud and ugly, sir - Thank you.
Speech! I can't begin to put into words what it has meant to me to serve with all of you.
Except to say that I have been guided in everything that I've done by what some army officers call respect for their men, others call comradeship, but which I have no hesitation in describing as love.
Hip, hip Thank you, Baxter.
I'm pregnant.
It's not Ed's.
Alison I'm going to tell him.
Captain Martin.
Nick Page's replacement.
Call me Ed.
Captain.
Not a drinking man? Not tonight.
OK, men, this is it.
OK.
Done! Lift me up like Daddy does.
George! Go to your bed! Go on! Seeing you makes me happy much.
- That's - Is this wrong? No.
No, it's much right.
Just wear the clothes that Mrs Markham lent you.
Oh, darling, they're a bit She'll be offended if you don't.
And you're beautiful whatever you wear.
Alison said she'd help me out, with everything.
Well, Lieutenant Laithwaite is a Lieutenant.
He's below me, in rank.
So? What if I have to order him to do something he doesn't want to do? It won't help either of us if my wife and his wife are friends.
The one you need to win over is Orchover.
Thank you for the advice, Corporal? Orchover, sir.
20 years a Corporal -- never wanted to take his Sergeant's exams.
Normandy, The Rhine, Suez, Malaya.
He's seen it all.
Him and Baxter -- they're the backbone.
And the wives? Has Laithwaite got his wife under control? Time to go, sir -- your carriage awaits! - Sir.
- Sir.
- Sir.
I hope you were a good boy for Corporal Stoneham last night? Daddy? - Daddy? - Yes.
I got shot in the head.
Sounds like you had a good time.
A quiet night after all.
None of us should apologise for what we've given to those parts of the world lucky enough to have us.
Once the roads and the schools and the hospitals are built, we leave.
The British Empire is benevolent.
What's the longest conversation you've had with anyone in Aden who was born here? Have you ever had the curiosity or the courtesy or the imagination to ask anyone if they agree with you? They hate you, sir, and everything you stand for.
Me? It's us, Ed.
We wear the same uniform.
We trust one another because we live by the same rules.
Let's get him the fuck out of here! Take care, sir.
Alison? Hello? Green hills of Tyrol Because those green hills are not highland hills Or the island hills They're not my land's hills And fair as these green foreign hills may be They are not the island hills They're not my land's hills As fair as these green foreign hills may be They are not the hills of home They are not the hills of home! Thanks, sir.
Sir scotch.
- Stick 'em on the bonnet.
They'll be dry in two minutes.
- Oh Drop 'em! Stop laughing.
And the rest.
All right there, like that? Sir! Oi, sir, come Sir, come on! Sir [Sir, what are you doing?!.]
[You look beautiful!.]
- Sir, you've got me shorts - Come on! - Hurry up! - Oh, come on, sir, please! - Sir, for God's sake! - Come on! Come on, please! Fucking hell.
Sorry, come on.
- Come back, sir! - Woo-woo-woo! - Sir, come back! Ah! Ah, shit.
~ ~ ~ Squad, stand at ease.
RAF recon are saying it's a single Land Rover.
And it's burnt out.
Sir is it them? Captain Page and Lance Corporal Armstrong .
.
should have been at the airfield two hours ago.
The more professionalism we show now, in dealing with this, the better the chance of us finding whoever is responsible.
Remember who we are and what Lance Corporal Armstrong and Captain Page would expect from you.
Where are they? OK, which way did they go? Look at me! Which way did they go? Stay where you are.
Tell me everything you know, everything you saw.
Hands where I can see them.
Tell me what you know! Look at me, tell me what you know.
The men are finding this hard.
It's pretty vital that we officers keep our emotions under control.
Right! Come out, come out! Are there any more men in there? - ~ - Baxter! - Sir! - ~ I need you here.
- Sir! - They'll be long gone.
With respect, sir, no, they won't, sir.
My guess is they'll still be here, hiding in amongst the locals.
No Armstrong? - Sir? - No remains.
Nothing.
Why not? - Did he wear dog tags? - Yes, sir.
So, where are they? Radio back to base.
- I want a search party out, now! - Sir! - Sir, I think we should move out.
- We're sitting ducks.
- We're not finished here.
We take our dead with us and we do it with dignity.
I want them all to know what the British Army is made of.
Slow.
Slower.
Yusra? Tony.
- ~ - No Shukran, shukran.
Oh There, all done.
I'm sorry, I Sorry, I can't write this.
Where do they live? Er, Sancreed.
The toe end of Cornwall.
We've been there.
The sheep in the churchyard, do you remember? He was their only son, Mary.
It'll kill them.
Will you help me? "Dear Mr and Mrs Page" I memorise Every line And I kiss the name That you sign We're NOT like that! Oh, we are! Oh, we pretend we're not but we are! Help him up.
Lieutenant! These are real people.
Some of them are wonderful, some of them are bastards! - OK.
- Most of them are, you know, they're just in between, they're just like us.
But we can't treat people the same because the rules say.
- Then why the hell were you doing that to him? - Because he knew.
Because I knew.
I knew.
- I'm sorry.
- Go home.
Have a drink.
Be with your wife.
Armstrong? Armstrong! You're late.
Yes, sir.
Sorry, sir.
Very late.
Yes, sir.
Welcome home.
I saw a shooting star.
Death, that's what you're seeing.
The raid party goes in at 1300 hours.
Their objective, to capture one man.
He's brutal, he's clever.
Ambre Solaire, fish and chips, gin.
This is my favourite place in the world.
I'm sorry about Nick Page.
It's even harder! There's a reporter coming with us.
I can't make this decision, choosing between my wife and my men.