The Last Weekend (2012) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
OK, listen up, cos you're not going to believe this, but it's from the RAC, so it's gospel, right? They're saying that this weekend, the big August bank holiday, 52% of you are on the move.
And, hey, that's not all.
Guess what I've just heard? I've heard the wettest August on record is running out of rain and sunshine's on the way.
The temperature's rising, so turn up the volume, and let's all chill out to this Shut up! Oh, no, I like this one.
Come on.
I can't bear it any more.
How are we supposed to chill when I'm melting? It's like being braised in an oven.
OK, bend over.
What? Come on.
Do as you're told.
Bend over.
Bend over.
Put your head down.
That's it.
No, not to do that.
Stay.
Keep your head down.
What are you doing? You're gonna love me for this.
You're gonna love me forever.
What are you doing? It's OK.
OK, are you ready? What are you doing? Are you ready? Yeah! Oh! See? That is like melting.
Come on, it must help a bit, no? Oh! Rufus! Are you licking my face? Come on, lick it, Rufus.
Look, just thinking about diving in that pool.
Good lad.
Yeah, if they've got one.
Course they'll have one, it's Ollie and Daisy.
They'll have an infinity pool, or something.
Yeah, true.
Always something special.
Go on! Go on, Ian! Push him in! Come on, Ollie! Yeah! The Last Weekend Episode 1 Based on the novel by Blake Morrison Whoa! Still no hard shoulder.
Wow! Ever do stupid things twice? OK.
So this is where we broke down on our way to Ollie's and Daisy's three months ago.
I remember these pine trees.
Yeah, they rented this country house in Suffolk, and invited us down for the August bank holiday weekend.
Ollie and Daisy, they're my oldest friends.
We met at college.
Well, Ollie's my oldest friend because we were house mates, but Daisy came along soon afterwards.
Does anyone else have a problem with long-term friends, or just me? I mean, I love them, you know, I do, but, well, they never want anything to change.
I'm talking pecking order.
Status.
Does this ring any bells? Basically, you've gotta be the same person that you were 20 years ago which is fine, most of the time but, erm, Ollie's very competitive.
As you'll see.
Now, that's a shot.
And when things gets as serious as they got .
.
and you're someone like me who feels guilty about everything, then, I think, along with everyone else who was there, you have to ask yourself whether you played a part.
This is me retracing my steps and I'm specifically here because .
.
and this is very important, cos everything feeds everything else.
And sitting waiting for the breakdown truck, I distinctly remember going over a phone call I had from Ollie.
No, not the first one.
Not the one inviting us.
The second one.
The one where he called me at work.
The one where he thought he'd be leaving a message.
Ollie.
- Oh, er, Ian.
- The answer's yes.
We are free that weekend and we'd love to come.
And Em says 'Thanks,' and 'Will we see Archie?' I said, 'Probably not, it is the Notting Hill Carnival.
' Yeah, it's a tad awkward.
Turns out Daisy's already asked someone for the bank holiday.
What do you mean? Well, she's invited this this Milo chappy, you know.
What do you mean, Milo? Milo who? Who is he? I don't know his second name.
He's one of her designer clients.
We were wondering if you guys could come the previous weekend? No, we're fully booked for all of August.
- Oh, well, in that case - - I mean, I can ask Em this evening.
- I can't call her now, she's in a meeting.
- No, no, no.
Ian.
Ian, no, listen.
Don't ask Em anything.
Let's leave it, leave things as they are.
It's been two years, for Christ's sake.
You and I have unfinished business.
It's been three years.
- Got to run.
- Bring your weapons.
Come on Friday, early as you can.
Let's make the most of it.
I shall get you, you idiot! Oi! Campbell! Pack it in! That's what you get the next time you mess around with me.
Oi! Campbell, get away from him! Get up.
Get up.
Are you all right? Look what you've done.
Me? I ain't done nothing.
Campbell, I just saw you kick him.
Right, come on.
We're off to see Mrs Baines.
Come on.
No.
- Campbell - I ain't going nowhere with you.
You can't make me.
Everything's connected, you see? Everything.
And, no matter how guilty I feel, I just have to remind myself .
.
it's not like I'm a murderer.
Are you crazy? It says 'No hard shoulder.
Stay in car.
' I know, it's just Are you worried about next week? Oh, no.
I wasn't, thank you.
Sorry.
No.
No.
No, that's wiped from the mind till Tuesday.
OK.
I was thinkingI wonder if they're gonna give us uniforms.
You know, butler and housemaid.
Oh, hey, listen, I am not being waitress again for the weekend.
I'm only joking.
No, I'm serious.
If we turn up and they've got friends there, we make our excuses and we hotfoot it out of there.
We're the only ones going, I know we are.
We'd better be.
We are, I know we are.
A bit of animosity there towards Ollie and Daisy, wasn't there, eh? No.
Yeah, there was.
Well, I'm sure you'll have a lovely weekend.
We both will.
Ian, I am here for one thing and one thing only.
Oh.
Oh.
Well, you won't be disappointed.
No? No.
In fact, while we're waiting .
.
what are we waiting for? Come on, you said we've got to do it as often as possible.
She got pregnant in a lay-by (?) People might see.
Doesn't mater.
What? Oh! A couple of things before we arrive I think you should know, and Em knows this .
.
butI went out with Daisy before Ollie did.
Have you ever been in that situation where you're socialising with someone you've been intimate with? Well, it's interesting, because that intimacy is always there, like a secret.
Talking of which, Daisy called the night before we left, to let me know that she had something to tell me that weekend.
There it is.
There it is.
OK.
Exciting.
I'm going for the long and winding road through a canopy of trees to a Georgian mansion.
Dream on.
I think this is it.
Oh, my What a tip.
Not what I expected.
Oh.
At last! About time.
Where have you been? I thought you'd got lost or something.
Sorry, we broke down.
Tried to call.
No reception.
One of the joys.
It's good to see you again, Em.
Here's the man.
Ollie.
I'm not shaking your hand.
Come here.
It's good to see you.
And you, and you.
How are you? Grand, but hot.
You look trim.
Yeah? So do you.
Come on, drinks.
It's Arts and Crafts, you know, 1920ish.
Name three people associated with the Arts and Crafts movement.
William Morris.
Yeah.
John Ruskin.
Yeah.
John Ruskin - Saying the same name twice doesn't count.
Come on.
Gonna have to hurry you.
Could have had Voysey, could have Burne-Jones, should have had Crane, even Rossetti at a push.
Yeah, but asking me questions you know the answers to and answering the questions isn't clever.
Yeah, I know.
Why do I enjoy it so much? I don't know.
In here we have the dining room and then, through here Oi, come here.
.
.
is the study.
And then, in here, we have the kitchen.
And then, through here Come on! .
.
the living room.
You know, this hasn't changed for 35 years.
What do you think? What? What do you think? They think it's a nightmare.
They think they've come all this way to stay in this.
Oh, my God! Hello, Em.
Hi.
Are you all right? Lovely to see you again.
Oh, here.
This is for you.
Oh, thank you.
You didn't need to do that.
It's all right.
Oh, look, Ollie.
Cava.
Wow! Smashing.
Hello, you.
Hello, you.
Nice to see you.
Well, I like it.
Actually, no, I don't like it, I love it.
Ollie, later, get them a drink.
They've been on the road for hours.
Sorry, OK.
I'll show you something that is good about the place, although you do have to leave the house to find it.
Oh, wow! Oh! Oh, this is lovely.
Yeah.
As long as the sun shines, this just about saves it.
And there's more.
Come on.
When we first got here though we arrived late, it's tipping it down, we can't find the lights anywhere.
Creepy! Oh, yes! Your dog.
What's its name? Rufus.
Hello, Rufus.
What are you eating? Yes, you are beautiful! Isn't he? Go play.
Drinks are served in the sun trap.
Yes, the sun trap.
Here we have a sun trap with shade.
Oh! I don't go anywhere else.
I lie out here all day.
Usually topless, the neighbours are having a field day.
It's completely secluded.
I hope you'll join me.
Em, you are looking so well.
Thanks.
Why don't we set the lunch out? Good food and drink we can offer.
Point of order, Ian and I have to get a move on if we're gonna get a game in.
We'll just have sandwiches or - They've just got here.
Have you brought your clubs? Yeah, sure.
And there's no jeans, no cords, no shorts.
Have you got some chinos? I didn't Course he didn't.
What? Ollie, forget it.
We can just play nine.
You booked the restaurant for 7:30.
There's no dress code on the short course.
We'll be done by six.
Yeah, sure, if no-one else minds.
No.
Well, at least let them get their bags in.
You could take the dog.
On a golf course? Are you serious? I mean I mean - What, the house? Yeah, the house, but the way we have to do everything Ollie wants immediately.
Oh, you didn't want to play golf? Yeah, I want to play golf, but not instantly.
Well, at least there are no other friends here.
Not a surprise.
Have you seen the place? Oh, great, everything's ironed, thank you (!) No, it's good to see him.
Oh, no, it's really great to see him.
What? I don't know.
It just all sounds a bit gay.
Yeah, topless or not topless? Yeah, not funny.
Not.
No, Daisy can carry it off, as I noticed you noticed.
Well, she's wearing next to nothing.
Yeah, which makes this look like a burka.
No, you look great in that.
I love you in that.
Yeah? Yeah, you know I do.
Whoa! Don't leave me.
Hang on, I'm coming.
Oh, God, I don't like this place.
It creaks, and don't say you haven't heard it.
Do you mean it's haunted? Don't even say that word.
Well, it's gotta have something going for it.
Before you go, can you bring me some water, please, with ice? I'm busy.
Ollie! All right.
Ian, how are we doing? Yeah, I'm coming as I am.
Is that OK? Ollie and Daisy are control freaks.
This, I assume, is coming across but, can I just say that returning to the place where bad things happen can be unsettling? And what comes next triggered everything, I know it did.
+ OK, so I did not see what was coming next and if that's down to the way Ollie and I lock on to each other when we're together, then I think you need to know how we met.
Ollie and I were on the same course at college for two terms without saying a word to each other.
I mean, I knew who he was.
Ollie was good-looking, well-dressed, very confident, sporty and, let's face it, rich.
That vital ingredient, especially with the ladies.
Whereas I was broke, hated sport.
And, yeah, I was good-looking enough, but I was at college to learn.
I was currently learning that I didn't wanna do law any more.
I filled whole notebooks with why it's a sham subject, which it is.
So I was invisible to Ollie until, one day, a prop forward snaps his cruciate knee ligament for him, which is very painful, and then he sees me.
What he sees, he doesn't like, but he can't get away.
You know what they say, opposites attract, so I know exactly why I'm going to be a lawyer.
Good.
Why? I'm telling you.
I'm just hearing pompous - I want to be lawyer because lawyers are the guardians of morality.
What? It's their job to establish the truth.
What? No.
No, it's their job to represent their clients.
They're hired guns and the best lawyers, the most successful are the ones who get juries to find guilty men innocent.
It's not that simple.
It's simpler than that.
Truth doesn't come into it.
How can it? It can't.
All truth is subjective.
And, today, he's a top barrister and I'm a primary school teacher.
But we brought things out in each other.
We complemented each other and we discovered we'd each met our match when it comes to being competitive.
Anyway, that bank holiday weekend Oh, wait, actually, before we go any further, there's another thing I think you should.
Every year - or at least when we can - Ollie and I have a three event triathlon for money, whichwhich matters.
And it's become tradition to start with golf, which I hate.
I think it's a knob's game.
One point per hole, a putt of less than 3' is a gimme.
And I get a two point start.
No, one point.
We're playing nine holes.
You only get one p Yeah, right, very funny.
Tell you what, seeing as we haven't done this for a couple of years, how about we double the bet? Call it 500 quid.
It's been three years, actually.
All right.
Even better, let's make it 750.
Or a grand.
How about we round it up to a grand? I think that's probably a bit much.
No, a grand.
You're on for a grand.
All right, all right.
Come on, your tee off.
Have you been practising? Good shot.
OK.
One discarded tee shot without penalty, free and gratis.
Go on.
Have another one.
Take it again.
Oh, yes! One-and-a-half to three-and-a-half.
Now we're cooking.
That's my ball.
What? You just putted my ball.
Why didn't you stop me? I thought you were joking.
About what? Joking?! OK.
Your hole.
No.
No, no, no, it's yours.
No, no, Ollie.
It's yours.
It's my mistake, your hole.
It's yours.
Two-and-a-half each.
Beautiful.
Course you've been bloody practising.
Sorry? Good shot.
Have a discarded shot.
Take it again.
Go on.
Free and gratis.
Take it twice.
I concede you in the golf.
One-nil to you.
What? You're conceding? No.
No.
Don't worry, it's best of three.
I'll peg you back tomorrow, just not at golf, OK? My swing's gone, which is hardly surprising, considering what's been happening.
Why? What's been happening? Ollie? Apart from being given my cards, not much, I suppose.
Which cards? What cards? Nothing.
Forget about it.
Let's go back to the house.
You know, it's where we spent .
.
my last holiday with my father? What is? The house.
Summer of '83.
Say Hello, Wave Goodbye.
Soft Cell.
Fancy a pint? Nice wheels.
Three litre V8.
They don't make 'em like this any more.
There you go.
Lovely.
Thanks.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Sowhat's so serious that puts you off your golf swing? What's all this about being given your cards, eh? Have your chambers ditched you? I've been given my cards by the medics.
I've got an inoperable brain tumour.
I'm going to die as in soon.
As in if I'm still around in six months, it'll be a miracle.
Jesus, Ollie.
That's all there is to know, I'm afraid.
Christ! Are you saying that there's no hope? Look, they've done an MRI.
They've seen it.
They've seen the brain tumour and I go in next week for a PET scan to confirm it's malignant.
Erm So you're not certain, then? Well, I am, I mean, I've done the research.
I've got all the symptoms.
Headache, metallic taste in the mouth, dizziness, blurred vision, loss of golf swing.
That's the weird thing.
I don't care.
Live, die So what? Of course you care.
No, really.
Honestly, nothing moves me.
Nothing gets to me any more.
I've got no feelings.
It's like I don't know, it's like I've been cauterised.
Nothing At the golf course, you lost your temper.
Yeah, all right, it's not It's notquite what I meant.
I mean, I'm talking about the nitty-gritty of what's to come, you know, when we shuffle off this mortal coil.
And if, as I suspect, it's diddly-squat, then, you know .
.
I could murder someone tomorrow.
Today.
It wouldn't bother me at all.
I've got no conscience.
I'm evil, Ian.
You'd better watch out.
+ All right, listen, don't say anything when we get back, yeah? I didn't mean to tell you.
I don't want anyone else knowing yet.
Yeah.
Sure.
Of course.
I mean, Daisy knows though, right? You told Daisy? Why did I What did you say, mate? What? More than I wanted to.
End of discussion.
Ollie, should you be driving? It's my last weekend.
This time on Fridays, I'm usually telling teenage delinquents not to do anything stupid over the weekend, which always works a treat as you well know.
Who's this you're talking about? Em's work, the boys she works with, who she's thrilled not to be dealing with today, so let's change the subject.
Who won at golf? Oh, erm If it wasn't for the awful clothes Really? No, not your clothes.
The jumpers and hats Shit! Ian, what's going on? There's somebody in the kitchen.
Archie, what's going on? It's Archie? What are you shouting about? I didn't think he would be here.
You said he wouldn't be here.
He's standing there with a knife.
What are you doing with a knife? Cutting a shoelace.
It's a bread knife.
We don't have a shoelace one.
It's OK.
Em, have you seen who's here? Yeah, we said hello already.
I'm not gonna say that you've grown, but you have.
It's good to see you.
How's things? How's school? Which way have you gone? The restaurant we're going to is fairly smart, so if you want to get ready, we need to be leaving in about half an hour.
Are you coming along? No.
It's a fish restaurant.
He hates fish.
You hate it, don't you? It's pointless, he hates fish.
Me and the dog'll look after each other.
Archie, can you come and give me a hand? It's good to see you.
You can come if you want.
I don't want.
OK, well, there's pizza in the fridge and beer.
Ooh, who said that? Archie! Oh, my God.
Yeah, close the door.
Do you know what Daisy just told me? Do you mean - Archie's dropped out of school.
Hasn't been going since Christmas.
Took zero GCSEs.
What? Yeah.
And Ollie wouldn't let her call us.
No.
He probably thought we'd gloat, which we would.
Oh, come on.
Private education fails.
We'd have a field day.
No, we're friends first.
It's crazy - I deal with school refusers and you're a teacher.
Maybe we'll talk about it later.
Yeah, maybenot tonight eh? Why not? Oh, yeah, maybe.
I don't know.
Let's see.
I'm just going to find an iron.
OK.
The truth isI needed a moment to take in Ollie's news .
.
because, let's be clear, Ollie told me.
He didn't tell anyone else, he told me and you've just heard how proud he is .
.
so that means he wanted me to know for a reason.
And maybe, just maybe, he was looking to the future and letting me know that, from that moment on, I would have to be there for Daisy.
Looking out for her and .
.
you know.
Because I can remember those times with Daisy from 20 years ago like they just happened.
She was so so just lovely.
Just lovely.
And I was a pretty experienced guy.
But, er Kissing Daisy was amazing.
It's like she was pure, but still available.
Not easy, though.
No, God, no.
No, no, no.
No, she knew how to handle me.
Yeah.
I can conjure up our intimate moments just like that.
Just like that, drop of a hat, cos .
.
well Well, how can you say that two people are meant to be together? You can't.
You can't say it's written in the stars .
.
but when you feel it, you feel it.
And, then, what does that do to me and Em? Because Em is my wife, you know.
For better or worse.
For richer or poorer.
And it's like Ollie has given me this terrible gift.
Then I started thinking, I wonder if he's setting us some mind games? Because Daisy has feelings for me too, she does.
Why would she call last night and tell me she has something to tell me when she sees me? And what is it? My head was just full of her.
The thought occurred A quickie thought.
What do you reckon? And then I told her about the tumour.
Don't say anything.
Of course not.
Well, unless they do.
No, they won't.
Ollie doesn't wanna talk about it and Daisy doesn't know yet.
What do you mean, she doesn't know? He hasn't told her.
He hasn't How? How can he not have told her? I dunno.
Look, I'm sure he's got his reasons.
And what would they be? I don't know.
Maybe he wants to wait until he knows how long he's got.
Look, I'm not sure.
I didn't really hear him, OK.
He either said she doesn't know or he doesn't want her to know.
I don't know.
He doesn't wanna talk about it.
How are you guys doing up there? Two ticks, mate, just coming.
Ian? What? She can't not be told.
What does that mean? If Ollie won't tell her, then we have to.
No.
Em, don't.
In my mind, the restaurant's just down the road, but on the map apparently it's 20 miles away.
Great dress.
Come on, chop-chop.
Ollie, slow down.
I'm barely doing 60.
I don't care, it's blowy back here.
That is the last time you buy a sports car.
You know, my dad used to drive a Triumph stag.
This could be his.
What, the same model? No, the exact same car.
See that chip there? I remember it from when I was a boy.
That's why I bought it.
Paid over the odds but, you know.
To sit where my dad sat Ollie! Handles beautifully.
Are you all right? Yeah.
Yeah.
OK, erm, what shall we kick off with? White? Yeah, to start with.
How about the New Zealand Marlborough, please? Listen, let me treat you.
Can we have a bottle of the Chablis Grand Cru '92? Yes, of course.
And the, erm The Montrachet '83 please? Mm-hm.
Can we have them both opened and brought to the table on ice? Of course.
And also a bottle of the Chambertin.
Chambertin '72.
Certainly.
Christ almighty, Ollie.
They don't know what they should be charging.
They've got oysters.
Which ones? Their own natives and Ardkinglas.
Shall we order a dozen of each? Uh-huh.
Do you guys like oysters? No, not for me, thanks.
Yeah, sure.
Sorry, do you want to find your own entertainment for this evening? Maybe talk amongst yourselves.
Ian! Ian! They're staring.
Yeah, at the menu board.
Can someone help me out, please? Sorry.
Sorry.
Misunderstanding.
Sorry.
Cheers.
- It's nice.
- Yeah, it's good.
It's not the New Zealand Marlborough but it's good.
It looked fine to me.
- How's yours? - Mm, fantastic.
Ollie, steady with the drink.
You're driving.
It's Friday night.
The nearest policeman's in Ipswich.
- Anyway, this wine actually defines the special occasion.
- Really? Yeah, we've got '72 - the year of my birth, '83 - the last summer I spent with my father, and then '92 - the year I met Ian.
- Oh! Cheers! - And Daisy.
No, I'm '93.
Oh.
That comes later, maybe.
Meanwhile, here's to old friends and a great weekend.
Old friends and a great weekend.
Oh, and the bet.
May the best man win, which isn't happening at the moment.
The bet? What? What does he mean? What bet? Ollie, do us a favour.
Tell Em what you're talking about and what the origins of this are.
It's cool.
OK, well, it was, er My mum was throwing a party, wasn't it? Mm.
For our graduation.
Yeah.
It was, yeah, she was just showing me off to her friends.
He'd just got a first.
Yeah, it was all stockbrokers and their wives.
Ghastly affair.
Anyway, we're all drinking to cope and I decided to hijack the event by announcing my engagement to Daisy.
Indeed, I'm actually already in my preamble.
Ian and Daisy are over by the pool.
Drunk.
Yeah, very drunk.
Very drunk.
Could I have everyone's attention, please? I only wish my father was still with us.
I would have liked him to have met a very special person in my life .
.
because, this evening, I plucked up the courage to ask And, well, till death us do part My, erm Erm My good friend Ian.
Who's erspurred me on through college and has agreed to take part in a yearly best of three contest.
A triathlon, to honour and commemorate the wonderful times we've shared at college.
So, please, a round of applause, for Ian Goade.
Well done.
And then my mom said she'd put up the money, so it's more of a wager than a bet.
The money's not important.
We can forget about the money.
It's beating you, that's what counts.
I'll tell you what is really funny.
I have heard this story I don't know how many times, so many times, and he has never mentioned the engagement, the throwing up, or the prize money.
Why dilute the moment? So it's just me praising you, is it? To round off the story, this is the news I was going to tell you - Ollie and I are finally getting married, next month.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Champagne! No, Ollie! No more drink.
If you don't want Champagne, don't tell people we're getting married.
I'll just make sure he only gets one bottle.
Gosh.
Oh.
So she does know, then? This is the woman who said she would never get married.
Didn't want to, didn't need to.
But now, for financial, legal reasons, here we go, cos Ollie's dying.
Why not talk about it, then? I told her about Mum today, which is inevitably about cancer and tumours, and she was really lovely, but I didn't feel like I'd hit a nerve.
So what, it's eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die? + Ollie, thanks for that, really.
It was so generous.
It was a pleasure.
It was such a lovely dinner.
Any time, honestly.
Ollie - The Leith police summarily and arbitrarily dismisseth us.
I'm fine to drive.
You've had way too much to drink.
We'll get a cab.
From where? Darling, they don't have taxis out here.
Safe as houses at night, you can see the headlights.
Get in.
I'll take it easy, I promise.
Em, in the front with me? Ian, get in the back.
Come on.
Move over.
I had the oysters, by the way.
They're quite nice, if you like hawked up phlegm in sea water.
I don't want you to feel like I'm hiding things from you, but I don't want you missing out either, because each piece of information matters.
Sowhy hadn't I told Em about Daisy being sick in the pool? Well, with Ollie obviously otherwise engaged, Daisy needed looking after.
So I did what any other friend would.
She had sick all down her, so I couldn't just leave her like that.
And she wasn't that out of it.
Some memories get spoiled when you share them.
I switch off, I have to.
I hear horrendous things sometimes so, when court adjourns, that's it.
I don't think about it again until I'm back in court.
That's what you have to do.
I know, I know.
You can't get emotionally involved with clients, it's the pits.
You're right, but it feels like you ought to get involved.
The moment you do, you can't help them as much.
Yeah.
Music? Yeah, why not? Sorry.
It's all right.
Do you want me to get it? You're all right.
It's Ian, we're home.
Just you and me now.
As it was meant to be.
No-one else.
Ooh, looks like we have another guest.
Darling? Have you seen this? This is like Hansel and Gretel.
Aw! Daisy, we're here.
We have a visitor.
Ian.
Ian, we're home.
Oh, no.
I do like being with you.
Oh, my God! Do you know who that is? It's Milo.
Milo! I couldn't stay away.
Milo, hello! It's Milo, one of Daisy's clients.
- I think I told Ian he might be coming.
- OK.
It's so good to see you.
Look at you! It's so good to see you.
I didn't think you'd make it.
Oh, it's so great.
Hope I'm still invited.
Of course you are.
You don't need an invite.
Ian, tennis, round two.
This is a triathlon.
We're meant to test ourselves against each other physically.
You enjoyed it.
You enjoyed him leaning on you.
You fancied him.
- Come here.
Come here.
- Get off me.
Spare a thought for Ollie, as he didn't like this guy being around.
Where's your wife, Milo?
And, hey, that's not all.
Guess what I've just heard? I've heard the wettest August on record is running out of rain and sunshine's on the way.
The temperature's rising, so turn up the volume, and let's all chill out to this Shut up! Oh, no, I like this one.
Come on.
I can't bear it any more.
How are we supposed to chill when I'm melting? It's like being braised in an oven.
OK, bend over.
What? Come on.
Do as you're told.
Bend over.
Bend over.
Put your head down.
That's it.
No, not to do that.
Stay.
Keep your head down.
What are you doing? You're gonna love me for this.
You're gonna love me forever.
What are you doing? It's OK.
OK, are you ready? What are you doing? Are you ready? Yeah! Oh! See? That is like melting.
Come on, it must help a bit, no? Oh! Rufus! Are you licking my face? Come on, lick it, Rufus.
Look, just thinking about diving in that pool.
Good lad.
Yeah, if they've got one.
Course they'll have one, it's Ollie and Daisy.
They'll have an infinity pool, or something.
Yeah, true.
Always something special.
Go on! Go on, Ian! Push him in! Come on, Ollie! Yeah! The Last Weekend Episode 1 Based on the novel by Blake Morrison Whoa! Still no hard shoulder.
Wow! Ever do stupid things twice? OK.
So this is where we broke down on our way to Ollie's and Daisy's three months ago.
I remember these pine trees.
Yeah, they rented this country house in Suffolk, and invited us down for the August bank holiday weekend.
Ollie and Daisy, they're my oldest friends.
We met at college.
Well, Ollie's my oldest friend because we were house mates, but Daisy came along soon afterwards.
Does anyone else have a problem with long-term friends, or just me? I mean, I love them, you know, I do, but, well, they never want anything to change.
I'm talking pecking order.
Status.
Does this ring any bells? Basically, you've gotta be the same person that you were 20 years ago which is fine, most of the time but, erm, Ollie's very competitive.
As you'll see.
Now, that's a shot.
And when things gets as serious as they got .
.
and you're someone like me who feels guilty about everything, then, I think, along with everyone else who was there, you have to ask yourself whether you played a part.
This is me retracing my steps and I'm specifically here because .
.
and this is very important, cos everything feeds everything else.
And sitting waiting for the breakdown truck, I distinctly remember going over a phone call I had from Ollie.
No, not the first one.
Not the one inviting us.
The second one.
The one where he called me at work.
The one where he thought he'd be leaving a message.
Ollie.
- Oh, er, Ian.
- The answer's yes.
We are free that weekend and we'd love to come.
And Em says 'Thanks,' and 'Will we see Archie?' I said, 'Probably not, it is the Notting Hill Carnival.
' Yeah, it's a tad awkward.
Turns out Daisy's already asked someone for the bank holiday.
What do you mean? Well, she's invited this this Milo chappy, you know.
What do you mean, Milo? Milo who? Who is he? I don't know his second name.
He's one of her designer clients.
We were wondering if you guys could come the previous weekend? No, we're fully booked for all of August.
- Oh, well, in that case - - I mean, I can ask Em this evening.
- I can't call her now, she's in a meeting.
- No, no, no.
Ian.
Ian, no, listen.
Don't ask Em anything.
Let's leave it, leave things as they are.
It's been two years, for Christ's sake.
You and I have unfinished business.
It's been three years.
- Got to run.
- Bring your weapons.
Come on Friday, early as you can.
Let's make the most of it.
I shall get you, you idiot! Oi! Campbell! Pack it in! That's what you get the next time you mess around with me.
Oi! Campbell, get away from him! Get up.
Get up.
Are you all right? Look what you've done.
Me? I ain't done nothing.
Campbell, I just saw you kick him.
Right, come on.
We're off to see Mrs Baines.
Come on.
No.
- Campbell - I ain't going nowhere with you.
You can't make me.
Everything's connected, you see? Everything.
And, no matter how guilty I feel, I just have to remind myself .
.
it's not like I'm a murderer.
Are you crazy? It says 'No hard shoulder.
Stay in car.
' I know, it's just Are you worried about next week? Oh, no.
I wasn't, thank you.
Sorry.
No.
No.
No, that's wiped from the mind till Tuesday.
OK.
I was thinkingI wonder if they're gonna give us uniforms.
You know, butler and housemaid.
Oh, hey, listen, I am not being waitress again for the weekend.
I'm only joking.
No, I'm serious.
If we turn up and they've got friends there, we make our excuses and we hotfoot it out of there.
We're the only ones going, I know we are.
We'd better be.
We are, I know we are.
A bit of animosity there towards Ollie and Daisy, wasn't there, eh? No.
Yeah, there was.
Well, I'm sure you'll have a lovely weekend.
We both will.
Ian, I am here for one thing and one thing only.
Oh.
Oh.
Well, you won't be disappointed.
No? No.
In fact, while we're waiting .
.
what are we waiting for? Come on, you said we've got to do it as often as possible.
She got pregnant in a lay-by (?) People might see.
Doesn't mater.
What? Oh! A couple of things before we arrive I think you should know, and Em knows this .
.
butI went out with Daisy before Ollie did.
Have you ever been in that situation where you're socialising with someone you've been intimate with? Well, it's interesting, because that intimacy is always there, like a secret.
Talking of which, Daisy called the night before we left, to let me know that she had something to tell me that weekend.
There it is.
There it is.
OK.
Exciting.
I'm going for the long and winding road through a canopy of trees to a Georgian mansion.
Dream on.
I think this is it.
Oh, my What a tip.
Not what I expected.
Oh.
At last! About time.
Where have you been? I thought you'd got lost or something.
Sorry, we broke down.
Tried to call.
No reception.
One of the joys.
It's good to see you again, Em.
Here's the man.
Ollie.
I'm not shaking your hand.
Come here.
It's good to see you.
And you, and you.
How are you? Grand, but hot.
You look trim.
Yeah? So do you.
Come on, drinks.
It's Arts and Crafts, you know, 1920ish.
Name three people associated with the Arts and Crafts movement.
William Morris.
Yeah.
John Ruskin.
Yeah.
John Ruskin - Saying the same name twice doesn't count.
Come on.
Gonna have to hurry you.
Could have had Voysey, could have Burne-Jones, should have had Crane, even Rossetti at a push.
Yeah, but asking me questions you know the answers to and answering the questions isn't clever.
Yeah, I know.
Why do I enjoy it so much? I don't know.
In here we have the dining room and then, through here Oi, come here.
.
.
is the study.
And then, in here, we have the kitchen.
And then, through here Come on! .
.
the living room.
You know, this hasn't changed for 35 years.
What do you think? What? What do you think? They think it's a nightmare.
They think they've come all this way to stay in this.
Oh, my God! Hello, Em.
Hi.
Are you all right? Lovely to see you again.
Oh, here.
This is for you.
Oh, thank you.
You didn't need to do that.
It's all right.
Oh, look, Ollie.
Cava.
Wow! Smashing.
Hello, you.
Hello, you.
Nice to see you.
Well, I like it.
Actually, no, I don't like it, I love it.
Ollie, later, get them a drink.
They've been on the road for hours.
Sorry, OK.
I'll show you something that is good about the place, although you do have to leave the house to find it.
Oh, wow! Oh! Oh, this is lovely.
Yeah.
As long as the sun shines, this just about saves it.
And there's more.
Come on.
When we first got here though we arrived late, it's tipping it down, we can't find the lights anywhere.
Creepy! Oh, yes! Your dog.
What's its name? Rufus.
Hello, Rufus.
What are you eating? Yes, you are beautiful! Isn't he? Go play.
Drinks are served in the sun trap.
Yes, the sun trap.
Here we have a sun trap with shade.
Oh! I don't go anywhere else.
I lie out here all day.
Usually topless, the neighbours are having a field day.
It's completely secluded.
I hope you'll join me.
Em, you are looking so well.
Thanks.
Why don't we set the lunch out? Good food and drink we can offer.
Point of order, Ian and I have to get a move on if we're gonna get a game in.
We'll just have sandwiches or - They've just got here.
Have you brought your clubs? Yeah, sure.
And there's no jeans, no cords, no shorts.
Have you got some chinos? I didn't Course he didn't.
What? Ollie, forget it.
We can just play nine.
You booked the restaurant for 7:30.
There's no dress code on the short course.
We'll be done by six.
Yeah, sure, if no-one else minds.
No.
Well, at least let them get their bags in.
You could take the dog.
On a golf course? Are you serious? I mean I mean - What, the house? Yeah, the house, but the way we have to do everything Ollie wants immediately.
Oh, you didn't want to play golf? Yeah, I want to play golf, but not instantly.
Well, at least there are no other friends here.
Not a surprise.
Have you seen the place? Oh, great, everything's ironed, thank you (!) No, it's good to see him.
Oh, no, it's really great to see him.
What? I don't know.
It just all sounds a bit gay.
Yeah, topless or not topless? Yeah, not funny.
Not.
No, Daisy can carry it off, as I noticed you noticed.
Well, she's wearing next to nothing.
Yeah, which makes this look like a burka.
No, you look great in that.
I love you in that.
Yeah? Yeah, you know I do.
Whoa! Don't leave me.
Hang on, I'm coming.
Oh, God, I don't like this place.
It creaks, and don't say you haven't heard it.
Do you mean it's haunted? Don't even say that word.
Well, it's gotta have something going for it.
Before you go, can you bring me some water, please, with ice? I'm busy.
Ollie! All right.
Ian, how are we doing? Yeah, I'm coming as I am.
Is that OK? Ollie and Daisy are control freaks.
This, I assume, is coming across but, can I just say that returning to the place where bad things happen can be unsettling? And what comes next triggered everything, I know it did.
+ OK, so I did not see what was coming next and if that's down to the way Ollie and I lock on to each other when we're together, then I think you need to know how we met.
Ollie and I were on the same course at college for two terms without saying a word to each other.
I mean, I knew who he was.
Ollie was good-looking, well-dressed, very confident, sporty and, let's face it, rich.
That vital ingredient, especially with the ladies.
Whereas I was broke, hated sport.
And, yeah, I was good-looking enough, but I was at college to learn.
I was currently learning that I didn't wanna do law any more.
I filled whole notebooks with why it's a sham subject, which it is.
So I was invisible to Ollie until, one day, a prop forward snaps his cruciate knee ligament for him, which is very painful, and then he sees me.
What he sees, he doesn't like, but he can't get away.
You know what they say, opposites attract, so I know exactly why I'm going to be a lawyer.
Good.
Why? I'm telling you.
I'm just hearing pompous - I want to be lawyer because lawyers are the guardians of morality.
What? It's their job to establish the truth.
What? No.
No, it's their job to represent their clients.
They're hired guns and the best lawyers, the most successful are the ones who get juries to find guilty men innocent.
It's not that simple.
It's simpler than that.
Truth doesn't come into it.
How can it? It can't.
All truth is subjective.
And, today, he's a top barrister and I'm a primary school teacher.
But we brought things out in each other.
We complemented each other and we discovered we'd each met our match when it comes to being competitive.
Anyway, that bank holiday weekend Oh, wait, actually, before we go any further, there's another thing I think you should.
Every year - or at least when we can - Ollie and I have a three event triathlon for money, whichwhich matters.
And it's become tradition to start with golf, which I hate.
I think it's a knob's game.
One point per hole, a putt of less than 3' is a gimme.
And I get a two point start.
No, one point.
We're playing nine holes.
You only get one p Yeah, right, very funny.
Tell you what, seeing as we haven't done this for a couple of years, how about we double the bet? Call it 500 quid.
It's been three years, actually.
All right.
Even better, let's make it 750.
Or a grand.
How about we round it up to a grand? I think that's probably a bit much.
No, a grand.
You're on for a grand.
All right, all right.
Come on, your tee off.
Have you been practising? Good shot.
OK.
One discarded tee shot without penalty, free and gratis.
Go on.
Have another one.
Take it again.
Oh, yes! One-and-a-half to three-and-a-half.
Now we're cooking.
That's my ball.
What? You just putted my ball.
Why didn't you stop me? I thought you were joking.
About what? Joking?! OK.
Your hole.
No.
No, no, no, it's yours.
No, no, Ollie.
It's yours.
It's my mistake, your hole.
It's yours.
Two-and-a-half each.
Beautiful.
Course you've been bloody practising.
Sorry? Good shot.
Have a discarded shot.
Take it again.
Go on.
Free and gratis.
Take it twice.
I concede you in the golf.
One-nil to you.
What? You're conceding? No.
No.
Don't worry, it's best of three.
I'll peg you back tomorrow, just not at golf, OK? My swing's gone, which is hardly surprising, considering what's been happening.
Why? What's been happening? Ollie? Apart from being given my cards, not much, I suppose.
Which cards? What cards? Nothing.
Forget about it.
Let's go back to the house.
You know, it's where we spent .
.
my last holiday with my father? What is? The house.
Summer of '83.
Say Hello, Wave Goodbye.
Soft Cell.
Fancy a pint? Nice wheels.
Three litre V8.
They don't make 'em like this any more.
There you go.
Lovely.
Thanks.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Sowhat's so serious that puts you off your golf swing? What's all this about being given your cards, eh? Have your chambers ditched you? I've been given my cards by the medics.
I've got an inoperable brain tumour.
I'm going to die as in soon.
As in if I'm still around in six months, it'll be a miracle.
Jesus, Ollie.
That's all there is to know, I'm afraid.
Christ! Are you saying that there's no hope? Look, they've done an MRI.
They've seen it.
They've seen the brain tumour and I go in next week for a PET scan to confirm it's malignant.
Erm So you're not certain, then? Well, I am, I mean, I've done the research.
I've got all the symptoms.
Headache, metallic taste in the mouth, dizziness, blurred vision, loss of golf swing.
That's the weird thing.
I don't care.
Live, die So what? Of course you care.
No, really.
Honestly, nothing moves me.
Nothing gets to me any more.
I've got no feelings.
It's like I don't know, it's like I've been cauterised.
Nothing At the golf course, you lost your temper.
Yeah, all right, it's not It's notquite what I meant.
I mean, I'm talking about the nitty-gritty of what's to come, you know, when we shuffle off this mortal coil.
And if, as I suspect, it's diddly-squat, then, you know .
.
I could murder someone tomorrow.
Today.
It wouldn't bother me at all.
I've got no conscience.
I'm evil, Ian.
You'd better watch out.
+ All right, listen, don't say anything when we get back, yeah? I didn't mean to tell you.
I don't want anyone else knowing yet.
Yeah.
Sure.
Of course.
I mean, Daisy knows though, right? You told Daisy? Why did I What did you say, mate? What? More than I wanted to.
End of discussion.
Ollie, should you be driving? It's my last weekend.
This time on Fridays, I'm usually telling teenage delinquents not to do anything stupid over the weekend, which always works a treat as you well know.
Who's this you're talking about? Em's work, the boys she works with, who she's thrilled not to be dealing with today, so let's change the subject.
Who won at golf? Oh, erm If it wasn't for the awful clothes Really? No, not your clothes.
The jumpers and hats Shit! Ian, what's going on? There's somebody in the kitchen.
Archie, what's going on? It's Archie? What are you shouting about? I didn't think he would be here.
You said he wouldn't be here.
He's standing there with a knife.
What are you doing with a knife? Cutting a shoelace.
It's a bread knife.
We don't have a shoelace one.
It's OK.
Em, have you seen who's here? Yeah, we said hello already.
I'm not gonna say that you've grown, but you have.
It's good to see you.
How's things? How's school? Which way have you gone? The restaurant we're going to is fairly smart, so if you want to get ready, we need to be leaving in about half an hour.
Are you coming along? No.
It's a fish restaurant.
He hates fish.
You hate it, don't you? It's pointless, he hates fish.
Me and the dog'll look after each other.
Archie, can you come and give me a hand? It's good to see you.
You can come if you want.
I don't want.
OK, well, there's pizza in the fridge and beer.
Ooh, who said that? Archie! Oh, my God.
Yeah, close the door.
Do you know what Daisy just told me? Do you mean - Archie's dropped out of school.
Hasn't been going since Christmas.
Took zero GCSEs.
What? Yeah.
And Ollie wouldn't let her call us.
No.
He probably thought we'd gloat, which we would.
Oh, come on.
Private education fails.
We'd have a field day.
No, we're friends first.
It's crazy - I deal with school refusers and you're a teacher.
Maybe we'll talk about it later.
Yeah, maybenot tonight eh? Why not? Oh, yeah, maybe.
I don't know.
Let's see.
I'm just going to find an iron.
OK.
The truth isI needed a moment to take in Ollie's news .
.
because, let's be clear, Ollie told me.
He didn't tell anyone else, he told me and you've just heard how proud he is .
.
so that means he wanted me to know for a reason.
And maybe, just maybe, he was looking to the future and letting me know that, from that moment on, I would have to be there for Daisy.
Looking out for her and .
.
you know.
Because I can remember those times with Daisy from 20 years ago like they just happened.
She was so so just lovely.
Just lovely.
And I was a pretty experienced guy.
But, er Kissing Daisy was amazing.
It's like she was pure, but still available.
Not easy, though.
No, God, no.
No, no, no.
No, she knew how to handle me.
Yeah.
I can conjure up our intimate moments just like that.
Just like that, drop of a hat, cos .
.
well Well, how can you say that two people are meant to be together? You can't.
You can't say it's written in the stars .
.
but when you feel it, you feel it.
And, then, what does that do to me and Em? Because Em is my wife, you know.
For better or worse.
For richer or poorer.
And it's like Ollie has given me this terrible gift.
Then I started thinking, I wonder if he's setting us some mind games? Because Daisy has feelings for me too, she does.
Why would she call last night and tell me she has something to tell me when she sees me? And what is it? My head was just full of her.
The thought occurred A quickie thought.
What do you reckon? And then I told her about the tumour.
Don't say anything.
Of course not.
Well, unless they do.
No, they won't.
Ollie doesn't wanna talk about it and Daisy doesn't know yet.
What do you mean, she doesn't know? He hasn't told her.
He hasn't How? How can he not have told her? I dunno.
Look, I'm sure he's got his reasons.
And what would they be? I don't know.
Maybe he wants to wait until he knows how long he's got.
Look, I'm not sure.
I didn't really hear him, OK.
He either said she doesn't know or he doesn't want her to know.
I don't know.
He doesn't wanna talk about it.
How are you guys doing up there? Two ticks, mate, just coming.
Ian? What? She can't not be told.
What does that mean? If Ollie won't tell her, then we have to.
No.
Em, don't.
In my mind, the restaurant's just down the road, but on the map apparently it's 20 miles away.
Great dress.
Come on, chop-chop.
Ollie, slow down.
I'm barely doing 60.
I don't care, it's blowy back here.
That is the last time you buy a sports car.
You know, my dad used to drive a Triumph stag.
This could be his.
What, the same model? No, the exact same car.
See that chip there? I remember it from when I was a boy.
That's why I bought it.
Paid over the odds but, you know.
To sit where my dad sat Ollie! Handles beautifully.
Are you all right? Yeah.
Yeah.
OK, erm, what shall we kick off with? White? Yeah, to start with.
How about the New Zealand Marlborough, please? Listen, let me treat you.
Can we have a bottle of the Chablis Grand Cru '92? Yes, of course.
And the, erm The Montrachet '83 please? Mm-hm.
Can we have them both opened and brought to the table on ice? Of course.
And also a bottle of the Chambertin.
Chambertin '72.
Certainly.
Christ almighty, Ollie.
They don't know what they should be charging.
They've got oysters.
Which ones? Their own natives and Ardkinglas.
Shall we order a dozen of each? Uh-huh.
Do you guys like oysters? No, not for me, thanks.
Yeah, sure.
Sorry, do you want to find your own entertainment for this evening? Maybe talk amongst yourselves.
Ian! Ian! They're staring.
Yeah, at the menu board.
Can someone help me out, please? Sorry.
Sorry.
Misunderstanding.
Sorry.
Cheers.
- It's nice.
- Yeah, it's good.
It's not the New Zealand Marlborough but it's good.
It looked fine to me.
- How's yours? - Mm, fantastic.
Ollie, steady with the drink.
You're driving.
It's Friday night.
The nearest policeman's in Ipswich.
- Anyway, this wine actually defines the special occasion.
- Really? Yeah, we've got '72 - the year of my birth, '83 - the last summer I spent with my father, and then '92 - the year I met Ian.
- Oh! Cheers! - And Daisy.
No, I'm '93.
Oh.
That comes later, maybe.
Meanwhile, here's to old friends and a great weekend.
Old friends and a great weekend.
Oh, and the bet.
May the best man win, which isn't happening at the moment.
The bet? What? What does he mean? What bet? Ollie, do us a favour.
Tell Em what you're talking about and what the origins of this are.
It's cool.
OK, well, it was, er My mum was throwing a party, wasn't it? Mm.
For our graduation.
Yeah.
It was, yeah, she was just showing me off to her friends.
He'd just got a first.
Yeah, it was all stockbrokers and their wives.
Ghastly affair.
Anyway, we're all drinking to cope and I decided to hijack the event by announcing my engagement to Daisy.
Indeed, I'm actually already in my preamble.
Ian and Daisy are over by the pool.
Drunk.
Yeah, very drunk.
Very drunk.
Could I have everyone's attention, please? I only wish my father was still with us.
I would have liked him to have met a very special person in my life .
.
because, this evening, I plucked up the courage to ask And, well, till death us do part My, erm Erm My good friend Ian.
Who's erspurred me on through college and has agreed to take part in a yearly best of three contest.
A triathlon, to honour and commemorate the wonderful times we've shared at college.
So, please, a round of applause, for Ian Goade.
Well done.
And then my mom said she'd put up the money, so it's more of a wager than a bet.
The money's not important.
We can forget about the money.
It's beating you, that's what counts.
I'll tell you what is really funny.
I have heard this story I don't know how many times, so many times, and he has never mentioned the engagement, the throwing up, or the prize money.
Why dilute the moment? So it's just me praising you, is it? To round off the story, this is the news I was going to tell you - Ollie and I are finally getting married, next month.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Champagne! No, Ollie! No more drink.
If you don't want Champagne, don't tell people we're getting married.
I'll just make sure he only gets one bottle.
Gosh.
Oh.
So she does know, then? This is the woman who said she would never get married.
Didn't want to, didn't need to.
But now, for financial, legal reasons, here we go, cos Ollie's dying.
Why not talk about it, then? I told her about Mum today, which is inevitably about cancer and tumours, and she was really lovely, but I didn't feel like I'd hit a nerve.
So what, it's eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die? + Ollie, thanks for that, really.
It was so generous.
It was a pleasure.
It was such a lovely dinner.
Any time, honestly.
Ollie - The Leith police summarily and arbitrarily dismisseth us.
I'm fine to drive.
You've had way too much to drink.
We'll get a cab.
From where? Darling, they don't have taxis out here.
Safe as houses at night, you can see the headlights.
Get in.
I'll take it easy, I promise.
Em, in the front with me? Ian, get in the back.
Come on.
Move over.
I had the oysters, by the way.
They're quite nice, if you like hawked up phlegm in sea water.
I don't want you to feel like I'm hiding things from you, but I don't want you missing out either, because each piece of information matters.
Sowhy hadn't I told Em about Daisy being sick in the pool? Well, with Ollie obviously otherwise engaged, Daisy needed looking after.
So I did what any other friend would.
She had sick all down her, so I couldn't just leave her like that.
And she wasn't that out of it.
Some memories get spoiled when you share them.
I switch off, I have to.
I hear horrendous things sometimes so, when court adjourns, that's it.
I don't think about it again until I'm back in court.
That's what you have to do.
I know, I know.
You can't get emotionally involved with clients, it's the pits.
You're right, but it feels like you ought to get involved.
The moment you do, you can't help them as much.
Yeah.
Music? Yeah, why not? Sorry.
It's all right.
Do you want me to get it? You're all right.
It's Ian, we're home.
Just you and me now.
As it was meant to be.
No-one else.
Ooh, looks like we have another guest.
Darling? Have you seen this? This is like Hansel and Gretel.
Aw! Daisy, we're here.
We have a visitor.
Ian.
Ian, we're home.
Oh, no.
I do like being with you.
Oh, my God! Do you know who that is? It's Milo.
Milo! I couldn't stay away.
Milo, hello! It's Milo, one of Daisy's clients.
- I think I told Ian he might be coming.
- OK.
It's so good to see you.
Look at you! It's so good to see you.
I didn't think you'd make it.
Oh, it's so great.
Hope I'm still invited.
Of course you are.
You don't need an invite.
Ian, tennis, round two.
This is a triathlon.
We're meant to test ourselves against each other physically.
You enjoyed it.
You enjoyed him leaning on you.
You fancied him.
- Come here.
Come here.
- Get off me.
Spare a thought for Ollie, as he didn't like this guy being around.
Where's your wife, Milo?