The Life and Movies of Erşan Kuneri (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

1 A NETFLIX SERIES BAYRAMPAŞA PENITENTIARY Thanks.
MILITARY POLICE - Welcome back, Erşan.
- I come well, Eryetiş.
You've still got it.
Wrap it around my neck.
- Take this for now.
- Thanks.
Welcome back, dear Erşan.
Hey, don't let it touch me.
- I missed you all so much.
- Let's just forget about it.
We have an awesome project.
We'll start right away.
Get in.
Shoot Them in the Mouth by Erşan Kuneri.
Shoot Them in the Mouth.
This great action flick will be the hit of the summer of '81.
Shoot Them in the Mouth.
In this movie, Erşan Kuneri shoots them in the mouth.
Erşan Kuneri.
A bold spy.
A solid lover.
Erşan Kuneri.
Shoot Them in the Mouth.
Erşan is ruthless again.
Shoot Them in the Mouth.
In this movie, Erşan Kuneri shoots them in the mouth.
Well, I liked it.
I don't know.
When you said it would be different Shoot Them in the Mouth, the action movie, etc.
Look at Cüneyt and all the stuff he does.
And Cüneyt's older than me! Man, let's not talk about Cüneyt again.
Here it is, a spy movie.
And you bang the other spies too.
What was it, Bond? - Yeah.
- Like Bond.
But so many things happen in a Bond movie, Neco.
Explosions and everything.
My God, there'll be some banging, right? There will be.
Erşan.
I don't get it, man.
What do you want? I'm sick of this, man.
I come home and bang.
I repair things and bang.
I save lives and bang.
I even bang at a funeral while I'm offering comfort.
- I'm sick of it.
- Erşan.
People aged 7 to 27 love you.
You're so lucky to be such a star.
7 to 27? What kind of a fan base is that? "What fan base," man? Check out the charts.
This explains every inch of it.
What people think they lack, they see in you.
- Don't be like this! - I don't care.
I'll make a historical action movie.
Dry Murad.
And here's the script.
What are you talking about? Dry Murad? - Not even saliva? - No.
Wait.
Let's do my project.
- Black Hole.
- Is that science fiction? No.
I'm talking about this hole.
Black Hole is a great idea.
Make a note.
Dry Murad is ready.
I've got a script I can send you.
Read it.
If you accept it, we'll do it.
Don't worry.
He'll enter the castle and bang the princess eventually.
Mami, we're done for if he doesn't.
Don't worry.
He'll bang.
Just trust me.
My movie is Dry Murad.
Think about it and make up your minds.
The asshole is talking about Cüneyt! You think you're that good, you bastard? Erşan left for the day.
I'm Erşan, baby.
Here is your tea, honey.
Tülay.
She's new here.
If you bang your secretary, you bring the tea.
Who ordered lahmacun? Ms.
Alev is in there.
And these are from the print shop.
Alev.
Let me give you a kiss.
Alev.
Erşan.
Come here.
Come over.
- I'm out.
- My dear.
My love.
See, you're out now.
All done.
Welcome back.
It's all over now, you're done.
- I'll never go back in that hole.
- Why not? The prison, I mean.
Oh, I thought Welcome back.
Fan cards.
Wow.
This is how they recognize me, that's what it is.
Maybe I should have signed a little further down.
Let me look at you.
- Wow! You look young, Erşo.
- Stop, for God's sake.
- I heard you had a premiere yesterday.
- For Fevzi's movie.
Keep It Inside.
The audience was pouring in like rain, I swear.
Gotta be on the balcony at premieres to keep dry.
Everyone asked about you.
I told them you'll be out soon to shoot a spy movie.
He's not.
That's canceled.
- What? - I don't know why he feels that way.
Shoot Them in the Mouth is a great project.
In the Mouth, well That's inappropriate, I'm eating.
- Tell me what's happening.
- I want to shoot a nice movie, honey.
A movie with action, romance, and love in it.
May God give more.
Assholes! You're gonna make a new movie, and you're giving me the boot? "We're making a romance.
Bye.
" Is that it? Of course not.
We have a script.
Dry Murad.
If you like it, you can play Mercedes.
I don't have a driver's license.
Dry Murad.
There's even a script.
- Sure.
- Wow.
- Am I the princess? - No, your character has many layers.
Give me that.
Erşan, there will be sex, right? Yes, Mami.
But sex in all its layers.
You scare me when you go on about "layers.
" Erşan, please make it straightforward.
Remember your fans, the wankers.
- "My lad" This is really historical.
- Of course.
Mami, don't stress me out.
- What do you think? - Sign me up! Dry Murad, huh? Not even saliva? No.
It's an historical adventure.
- There's a man here.
- Come in, Eryetiş.
- The agency sent this.
- Good.
What do you think, Eryetiş? - Like the moon in the sky, ma'am.
- Thanks.
We're doing an ad.
It's a bit of income, at least.
I should leave.
You're busy.
Wait.
Tell us what you think.
Dear Erşan, our product is called Helpmate.
It's not only a soap, but also a mate.
We put the hole right in the middle.
We enlarged the logo just a bit.
And this jingle will play on the radio.
Wank, wank, wank Hear no evil Wank, wank, wank See no evil Helpmate knows you more intimately than anyone.
In real-life Erşan Kuneri size.
Helpmate soap.
- What do you think? - It can't replace the real thing.
He's into it.
He loves it.
Let's distribute a million soaps to boot camps and boarding schools.
- What do you think, Erşan? - I'm leaving.
You're busy.
You see what I'm dealing with? Please read it.
Let's meet at my place tomorrow evening.
Do you think we can do this, Erşan? Do you think I'll have a postcard where I sign my face, like Türkan Şoray? Of course.
I've started casting.
I'm considering İbrahim Tumtum for Heracles.
That snob.
He wouldn't act in our movies.
And I'll bring an educated girl to the bar tonight.
Don't get jealous.
Love, the only woman I was jealous of committed suicide.
Marilyn Monroe.
No, my aunt Asiye.
We tried to save her, but still lost her.
- How did you lose her? - In a fucking bet! She died, dammit.
Speaking of death, what's up with making a historical movie? I hope everything is fine.
Praise be! You could shoot Ben-Hur with it.
- I'm out.
- We'll be at the bar tonight.
Erşan, let's measure it up, and I'll rush it to the molder.
Wait, give him 15 minutes.
Let's drink tea first.
Let's not break the mold.
This is Seyyal.
Really? I thought I was listening to Edip Akbayram.
Hello, Mr.
Muammer.
May I have your lighter, if you have one? - Lighter - Please.
Welcome, dear Oran.
Seyyal.
I told you about her.
Yeah.
She's everything you said she'd be.
Would you like a gin and mint cocktail? - Save me if the jinn possesses me.
- I don't get it.
I know.
That's the way she is.
Two gins, love.
You asshole, why would you suddenly bring this succubus to me? Huh? I'm 72 years old.
I can hardly stand up even with a corset! I have hypertension, you jerk! Seyyal dropped a bomb at Tarabya Beach this summer.
She got at least 20 kills.
You should see her older sister.
Seyyal has a meeting with Erşan.
Erşan is making a historical movie.
Is she the princess? How about the movie I was going to act in? Shoot Them Sorry.
in the Mouth? It's canceled.
We're starting a new one.
If you excuse me, I'll do the casting, dear Oran.
- Dear Seyyal.
- Mr.
Muammer.
Please call me Mami.
Mami.
Mami rolls off my tongue much better.
Look at it.
 Mami.
This girl will be perfect.
For sure.
But what the hell am I gonna do? I'm hardly able to stop myself, Altın.
I want to lick her up! Seyyal, dear.
Mr.
Muammer is Erşan's right-hand man.
Oh! Let me see.
Hard.
I like it.
Guys, what happened to your avant-garde spirit? I really don't understand.
Plus, he is a sex worker.
He's a porn star! But be careful.
Don't take his underwear off.
Very funny.
Could you stop it, please? You have an absurd point of view.
What does Jung say? - What does Jung say again? - Erşan? Does he say, "Sex is important, but there are more important things"? You told me not to call you big brother, so I won't.
Don't.
Freud says, "Don't call someone big brother.
 Things can change.
" - White chocolate and golden liqueur.
- Hey, do you see what's happening? Mr.
Erşan, they call you a sex worker.
What do you think? I'd say I'm less of a worker, and more of a boss of sex.
Guys, you are so rude.
- Master, should we head out? - "Master"? Feride, don't be ridiculous.
Mr.
Erşan wrote the script for Dark Murad.
He'll also be directing.
And guess who plays the Dark Murad? Cüneyt Arkın plays the Dark Murad.
Right.
Ours is Dry Murad, Feride.
Dry.
I thought it was "dark.
" Sorry.
- Is that a knock-off too? - No, it's a very different take.
A very different take on hero movies.
And this is maybe the first time the lead woman is presented in this way.
Feride's character, especially, has a long list of firsts.
Such as? I see female characters in two distinct forms.
- As mothers or sisters.
- Oh, please.
As daring and strong.
Not as mothers or sisters, but as women.
Free from the labels of patriarchy.
It will be filmed in its original language for the first time.
In Tekirdağ.
Hey, guys, isn't it a revolution? It seems pretty ambitious.
But if you fail, we intellectuals will fuck you up.
- Orçun! - Feride.
He has a film called Two Eggs and A Sausage.
Do you really believe in this guy? Taner, enough already.
I don't know how you got Feride on board, but if something goes wrong, our fists will do the talking, sir.
- It's Taner, right? - Yes.
Taner, my friend, we're embarking on a great project with Feride.
Look, my educated brother, this is my postcard.
Look at it.
Study it well.
If you get on my nerves, I'll beat you with it.
- This is when it's dormant? - Yes.
After a while, it'll make your hair stand on end.
Don't be surprised.
Keep the photo.
We're going to the club.
Will you join us? Sure.
We were about leave, right? Taner? He'll be sitting there for three months.
Let's go.
- How are you, Altın? - Whoa! Tumtum.
- Has anyone asked about me recently? - No.
Why? Ayhan Işık.
Oh, there won't be anyone like him.
The king himself.
There wasn't, right? - What? - Someone like Ayhan Işık.
- What the hell are you talking about? - Man, they're gonna fuck me up.
- Ayhan Işık? - No, dammit.
Someone like him.
His double.
The other night, I gambled with some guys.
His double was there.
They made me sign a bond for my debt.
He's looking for me.
If somebody like him comes in, although there won't be anyone like him - If he comes, tell him - Tell him what? "There won't be anyone like you.
Fuck off"? - How can I look Ayhan Işık in the eye? - Don't you owe his double? It's the same thing.
They have the same face.
Can you give me a few hundred liras? - Dear God.
Let me check.
- Check.
Tumtum, stop gambling, man.
I'll quit.
And when I do, I'll hold a picture of Ayhan.
I'll look him in the eye and I'll tell him, "I quit.
" I have 300.
- Thanks.
Let me buy you a drink.
- Ayhan Işık's double, huh? - If somebody like him comes - I get it, you prick! I won't tell anyone.
Okay.
Is that Seyyal next to Muammer? She's a ticking bomb.
Be careful.
I hope she doesn't go off on Mami.
- My condolences.
I heard your cat died.
- I don't have one, you punk.
He stuffs two wool socks down there.
- I'm out.
- See you later.
What's up, İsa? Pour me a drink.
- Alev, welcome, dear.
- Thank you, Mami.
Get me some water.
I'm burning up.
- What's up, baby? - Thanks.
Seyyal doesn't take a break.
She needs an engine brake to stop.
Look at her.
Oran, I have no more gas in the tank.
Take her off the dance floor before things turn ugly.
See, she's handing out blue beads to everyone.
Hey, I've gone through an entire rosary.
What are you talking about? Alev, flirting in The Blue Bead brought luck to Emel Sayın, didn't it? Is it so hard to be a little bit polite? First of all, she's a city girl.
So you're saying there are city girls and there are cowgirls, huh? Hi! Alev Alev.
Seyyal.
We'll be making Dry Murad together.
Dear Alev, how are you? Oran, how is the casting going? Casting? I'm one of the spies in the movie.
Oh.
Honey, is this your first movie? Darling! My love! Yes, it'll be my first movie.
But you'll be my big sister on set, right? You could give me wings.
You are such a sweet, cute big sister.
What are you having? Gin? Yeah, gin.
Gin for sure.
Hey, look.
Two gins for Alev and me.
Come here.
I'll give you a hug.
I'm going to the ladies' room.
Keep an eye on our drinks.
If they slip something into them, bad things could happen to me.
Kisses, my big sister.
She kissed my shoulder.
What a slut! But she is incredibly charming.
She has charmed you too.
The beads she's handing out aren't blue, they're deep blue.
I mean, what the hell? - Muammer? - Yes? I know I won't be a spy, but I hope Erşan doesn't make me one of the Byzantines.
- Why? What's wrong with that? - It draws reactions.
That helps you make money! Look at it that way.
Wow! The king himself is here! That's my man! What's up? Take the table in the corner.
Go on, girls.
Alev, this is my young friend Feride that I told you about.
- What year were you born? - '57.
Is it a single-door with no B-pillar? I don't get it.
He said "young friend," but we're only five years apart.
I'm Feride.
Has a lamp on her tail, eh? The Blue Bead, Emel Sayın, Feride The trend continues.
Alev, please know that I fully support this breakthrough in your career.
I mean, I really don't care about your dirty movie background at all.
Your journey will be amazing for you and for us, the whole society.
I mean, beyond approving, I'm also congratulating you.
You'll be fine.
You're right in here, you know? Feride, this is my ass.
I'm quite fine.
Feride will give life to the Avva character in Dry Murad.
- And Seyyal - She has just given life to Muammer.
- I'm shaking right now.
- Because I'm calling.
- Have you met? - We've even hit it off.
Mr.
Erşan, I'm ready to get my hands dirty for this movie.
With my bare hands.
Look at my hands, they're so small.
She can't help it.
She can't stop.
Oh, I love passionate people.
Passion is such an amazing thing.
Let's head over there.
Yet another nutcase.
Let's go have a seat.
- Guess who I look like.
- How would I know? - Ayhan Işık? - Yeah, you're not.
Look from this angle.
Look.
I'm about to beat you up.
Ayhan Işık? Really? Idiot.
What's up, Eryetiş? Oran, who do you think this guy looks like? Guess fast or I'm gonna beat him up.
Ayhan Işık's double? See? Why is it so hard to get in here? I'm here to talk business with Erşan.
Erşan.
This guy is asking for you.
He says he looks like Ayhan Işık if you don't look closely.
What? There won't be anyone like him! Erşan, sir, I would like to say something if I may.
Go ahead, son.
I'm Ayhan's double.
Well After his passing, obviously, life has become harder.
Business is not good.
I was always known for being Ayhan's double.
Looking like the king, carrying his features And the features of new handsome leads are in line with Ayhan's features, which I have too.
It's pretty unlikely that there will be anyone like me either.
When you consider it all Look, if I had his confidence, I'd walk down İstiklal Avenue stark naked.
What are you talking about? I heard you're making a movie.
Jumping, bouncing, explosions, crashes, stunts I can handle anything.
Then say so! We need a stuntman with nine lives for İbrahim Tumtum.
He's like a Chinese vase.
Nine is nothing for me.
I can handle everything.
- İbrahim Tumtum is in this movie too? - You do look like him.
Erşan, my man! - What are you doing here, asshole? - Shit.
What's going on? This asshole swindled me out of 2,000 liras.
If you allow, I'll take him outside and smash him into 1,000 pieces twice.
- Ayhan.
- Don't call me Ayhan.
- Ayhan.
- Yes? We'll make a movie with Erşan.
I'll pay you back once I get paid.
You're rolling the dice again.
If you - Ayhan.
- Yes? Be at this address at nine o'clock tomorrow.
You're on the crew.
Thanks.
It's a historical movie, right? I can play a Christian too.
It's a risky role, but I can do it.
See? I told you.
As for the 2,000-liras, who should I write the check out to? Ayhun Uşuk.
Don't fuck with me.
It's written as "Ayhun" on my ID, but I use the name Payro Kemal.
- Here you go.
Enjoy it.
- Thank you.
Now kiss and make up.
We won't disappoint you.
And you'd better not embarrass us to him.
- Sure.
- Sure.
- I'll be at this address tomorrow.
- Ayhun, sir, who do I think you look like? I don't know.
Who? Let me think, then I'll tell you.
I promise.
Ours is a dirty world, really dirty.
Dirty, rotten, cheap, but Honest and sincere.
To Dry Murad.
- To Dry Murad.
- Come on.
- Welcome aboard, Kemal.
- Thank you.
Please let me make the movie I want.
I'm sorry, but Dry Murad will be shot.
Good night, sir.
What did he say? I burned the bridges.
I said, "Fuck you, I'm shooting it.
" May God be with us.
Erşan, I didn't read the script you gave me.
I mean, I couldn't finish it all.
But as far as I understand, he conquers the Byzantine castle, saves the princess, but then, with the princess, there's that thing we talked about, right? You're his father, and the leader of the tribe.
- Okay.
- Fine.
Why are you deceiving people, saying you're Ayhan Işık? - I didn't say I was Ayhan Işık.
- Fuck off.
Master, I have a note to share.
The inner journey seemed intense to me.
- I think the character should let it show.
- She's right.
We must show it.
Yes.
Erşan.
The character says "father" to Muammer.
- Do you think he should say "pops"? - "Pops"? There is no need for such a heavy accent.
- The swords and bows are top-notch.
- Thanks, Payro.
Erşan, something caught my attention too.
Don't you think there's too much sex in the script? You're right, Alev.
There should only be as much sex as in real life.
- Those bits will need some trimming.
- Of course, dear.
We'll come to the set clean and spotless.
No need to mention that.
When you say "as much as in real life," do you mean all the time? Four times a week? - Or every other day? - Or none? I'm not worried about that, but what is this movie suggesting? Suggesting won't cut it.
She should ask for it.
Erşan, listen.
I'm not a Byzantine, right? I don't want to draw reactions.
Mami, we have a script, dammit! Okay, but Is this good for the movie? Yeah, it's good.
Guys, Dry Murad is a strong-wristed lad living on the outskirts of Tekfur.
In order to know himself better and to end the tyranny of Heracles, he embarks on a journey.
DRY MURAD See if you can pull it out.
No one in this tribe has managed to pull that sword out, son.
Father, you keep calling me "son" and it makes me suspicious.
- Listen, son.
- You said it again.
If you manage to pull it out, Aydar's sword will be yours, son.
Father, wouldn't it be better if you gave me a pen instead of a sword? They say the pen is mightier than the sword.
Is that so? They'd shove that pen up your ass on the battlefield, son.
You're right.
The sword is fine, Father.
Remember, the sword comes with its own trouble, son.
You fucking gave it to me already.
Come on, then.
Godspeed.
No "son" this time? Nope.
Diverting attention, huh? Hello, Murad.
Ayvaz.
Father and son, what have you been doing? Or maybe I'm wrong and you're not father and son? You fucker! He's gotten stronger.
I salute you, Kozbey.
Welcome, Ayvaz.
Thank you, Kozbey.
Murad possesses Aydar's sword now.
Henceforth, he'll be yielding a sword like a man.
He'll chop off heads and shed blood.
Won't you, son? With that wrist, huh? - Let me kiss it.
- Father.
No, let me kiss it.
Ayvaz.
Take Murad to Rodosto.
There you may spend a day worthy of the glory of manhood and come back.
I can't control him here.
Show him a good time.
He's walking around like this.
The whole village may end up being f So you're at that age, huh, Murad? The push has come to shove, you might say, huh? Oh, you rascal! My father never gives me a break.
Ordering me to go to the Byzantium and snatch the princess.
Well, it's doable.
You have a strong wrist, Murad.
My wrist is strong, but This sex thing is a little bit Just trust me.
Tonight, we'll dine and we'll drink wine, and I'm shy, don't you get it? Don't you worry.
Just trust me.
Hey! Where do you think you're going, taking your time like Hayrabolu buffalo? Oh God, Overlord's men.
Let me talk to them, Murad.
- We won't have any trouble, right? - No.
- Do you have your ID? - No, I left the tent in a hurry.
You scared us, Captain.
We shat bricks.
Want a ciggy? Shut up! Where are you going? We're going to Rodosto.
We'll make the vajayjays sing.
I told him to come, and he was as happy as a sandboy finding a pocketknife.
Get off your horses.
- Let's get off, Murad.
- All right.
- Over there.
- Go.
You should also know that we're kinsmen of Heracles.
Oh, really? - Just play along, Murad.
- What a people person.
Has acquaintances everywhere.
How dare you fucking call the Overlord "Heracles" like he's your in-law! We'll check and see if you have friends in high places.
And you have your buddy with you.
Don't look at me like a Christmas pig.
And tell me, who are you? The kid can't speak that language.
What's he saying? He doesn't speak any foreign languages.
He's just a kid.
I know this one, "Fuck your mother.
" I'll swing my sword, and cut you up really bad.
Captain, the kid has no clue.
He's so young.
They only taught him how to swear.
Boy, you What's this needle dick saying? What? That's all I know.
Why are you saying words that you don't know the meaning of? Fuck your Stop being a pain, Captain.
Just let us fucking go.
I'll swing my sword, and turn your face into a rag.
Move! - Shall I draw it? - Wait, son.
Protect me.
Let's protect each other, son.
What just happened? Girls, come on.
Are you guys Turks? Murad, for God's sake, don't say a word.
Are you Murad? I have business with you.
Girls, take him away, come on.
You scared the shit out of us.
We didn't do anything.
- Come on.
- Come.
- Ladies.
- Come on.
Murad! Girl Ladies.
Murad! Ayvaz! Step aside, you infidel girl! I'm not a Christian, you fool.
I'm a deist.
- Do you know what a deist is? - No.
There must be someone up there.
We believe in that much.
Drop your sword and come closer to me.
- Ayvaz! - Murad! Drop your sword.
My name is Avva, and this is my necklace.
And this is mine, Ave Maria.
We are a bunch of nutjobs.
The misfits.
The blue-eyed one is Songül, the tall one is Irina, and the chocolate one is Madlen.
We do whatever we want.
We don't care about anyone.
To hell with Byzantium and your tribe.
They call us thieves.
We take from the rich and give to the poor.
- Are you poor? - Sort of.
The tent of our tribe is my property.
But you could say I'm poor.
Right.
If you're poor, come a little closer.
Put your arms around me.
- Ayvaz - Hug me.
- What are they doing to Ayvaz? - Hug me.
Come closer.
Hey, tighter! Use all your strength.
Let me see.
Wow.
Tighter! That's it.
What are you thinking about? Was it really your first time? Well, this last one was my eighth time.
Oh.
Girls, stop slacking, come on! I was supposed go to Rodosto from here, and then on to the Byzantine castle and snatch the princess.
My dad told me And rubbing rakı on a goat's ass makes it say, "Bring that wolf here!" What the fuck are you talking about? Come on.
We need to be on our way.
Wait a minute.
Avva, what are we now? What are we? Why are you looking at me like that? We had our fun, and now it's over.
Now everyone will go their separate ways.
Move it.
What have they done? I swear, Murad, I could do nothing.
They came at me like there was no tomorrow.
"Do you want me to drain you a bit?" said the tall brunette.
Tongue is important.
Tongue is important in sex.
Ayvaz.
I lost my virginity.
Wow, my man! - You know Avva, right? - Yes.
Should I kidnap her? What do you say? Kidnap her? Oh, my boy.
Hey, I'll smack your head with my mace, and you'll jump like a shitting goat.
- Let's at least be friends.
- Maybe we will, or maybe not.
Let me give you some dried meat for the road.
I don't eat that.
I'm a vegetarian.
Come on, girls.
Move it.
Fucking hell.
Come on.
Oh, my poor Murad.
Don't fret.
The new generation is like this.
Is eight good? - Eight? - Yes.
You're lying! Wow, eight, huh? That's my boy! Wow, look at this salad.
Crunchy and fresh! Cook us some meat, will you? - Sure.
- Thanks.
Half a lamb is ten coins.
If this was home They'd screw us.
Oh, wow.
What's on your mind, boy? That girl Avva.
I can't stop thinking about her.
That's called love, Murad.
It dries you out.
Once that fire is in your heart Hello.
Can we sit here? Well, of course.
- Have a seat, please.
- Have a seat.
- Please.
- Welcome.
Murad.
I'm Elanora, and my friend is Mercedes.
Hop on, I'll give you a ride.
Ayvaz, you were saying something.
Never mind, boy.
I never run out of things to say.
Don't you think about that.
Stay focused.
I was just babbling, son.
Is he your son? No.
Do I look that old? I just say that, you know? Son! You are fluent in Turkish.
We come here frequently.
And by talking to tourists, we picked it up.
My girl here also speaks French.
Say a few words.
Yesterday, I told the flowers that I love you.
Like a nightingale.
I know Turkish words too.
- "However.
" - However? "However, my sir, that doesn't work that way, pasha.
" - Oh.
- Wow.
Thank goodness.
What was it she said, Murad? "Drain you"? These are different.
Girl, I'm gonna eat you up.
Girl! "However, however.
My pasha!" Okay, that's enough.
- Is the sword bothering you? - No.
Nice! Come on.
Enjoy, ladies.
Look, girl.
The blonde one is mine, keep it in mind.
- But the blonde and I, we hit it off.
- I don't care.
I'll tell our big brother everything.
He'll crack your skull.
And I'll never bring you back here.
You won't see Turks again.
- Yogurt, wine - Murad, I said stop.
- We had a jug of wine.
- Meat - Murad! - Please.
- Your money - Please! - I won't lose face to your father.
- Please.
- Murad! - Please.
How much is it, innkeeper? - Will you stay tonight? - Tonight Why did you come here, girl? Tally it up as if we'll stay.
- How long will you stay? - One night.
Why does it have to be one night, Elanora? A very long night, boy.
Come on.
Here.
Keep the change.
How different you people are.
I came to Byzantium with such prejudices.
Murad, stop the flattery, all right? Tick-tock, come on! Elanora! Mercedes! The great devil, where are you? Why the fuck are you yelling? I'm looking for my sisters, Elanora and Mercedes.
Looks like we've given you a headache.
Sorry.
Mercedes! Murad, I'm begging you.
Don't! - Elanora! - Murad.
Murad, don't do it.
What do you want, you mutt? Anton, hand me my mace.
The one with the hatchet.
- Which one is that? - The one that looks a bit weird.
- Is it this one? - No.
- The one with the pointy bottom.
- This one.
Not that one.
It has a huge nutsack-like pommel.
- This, then.
- No, dammit.
- He's waiting, come on.
- Oh, okay.
I got it now.
Finally.
- Who are you, brave man? Tell me.
- My name is Dry Murad.
And? I'm here to take your head! Is it just the head you wanna take? Anton and his jokes.
Big brother, please don't hurt him.
You sluts, where have you been? Huh? Didn't I forbid you to come here? Where's that sneaky bitch? Is she with you? Elanora! Go on, girl! Your big brother is here! Okay.
Murad! Murad, please save us.
What's this mutt's deal? He's like a chick magnet.
What gives you the right to insult and call these women names? These beautiful people who came out just to get some air, or to see a couple of people to socialize? Apologize to them before I tame you with my sword.
Beyond a mother, a sister, a sibling, apologize for how you label women in your mind! Why are you yelling, jerk? He's our big brother.
He beats us, scolds us, but he loves us.
If it wasn't for him, we might go off the rails.
Moron! You're right, large-chassis Mercedes.
It's difficult with that mindset.
Elanora, would you be my lover? But you're not gonna ditch me after sex.
I won't leave you, Murad.
I'll always love you.
What an amazing language.
So smooth.
- Save yourselves.
- Go.
Bring it on! All right.
Anton, stay behind.
I wouldn't want you to get hurt.
Bring it on! Come on! What the fuck are you doing, moron? They're holding axes, don't you see that? - Huh? - Overlord.
Elanora is gone.
The bitch knows the way home.
Take him away.
Oh, fuck this.
- Ayvaz! - Move.
Thrown in the dungeon, Murad was in despair.
Only a miracle could save him from cruel Heracles.
- How's it going, Pope? - Fine.
Oh, Troy! Come here, boy! You shouldn't be wandering around outside.
Come! My dear boy.
Nice.
Wow, good job, Ayvaz.
Well done! You've done great.
Elanora, it pays off to know history! You need to know physics and math as well, you asshole! Take him! They've snuck in before, with a horse.
Stop right there, Horgo.
What are you doing to this man? I'm going to sear his eyes, ma'am.
You can't even pluck my eyebrows! Give me that.
Let me write my name on his chest.
Nice and slow.
Let's see.
Should I write it here? Or maybe here? Die! Why did you do that? I just looked into your eyes.
I couldn't let you get hurt.
You sold me out when I was defending your honor against your brother.
I'm bipolar.
What can I do? Will you be my remedy? Shall I release you from your shackles? Or should I not, what's it gonna be? You tell me, I'm so confused.
I'm not the kind of person who would undress for haram, and who'd Fuck it! Release me.
Good choice.
There you go.
Mercedes! Big brother! You see? He broke his shackles.
I panicked! He's knocked him out too.
He's haunting our family like a leech! We can't get rid of him! Go to your room.
Go on! Your sister is sick, Heracles.
What can the girl do? Maybe it's your muscles, maybe it's your eyes.
I don't know, maybe it's your bravery Listen, just so you know, I'm not interested in that kind of thing.
In what sense? You called me brave.
Aren't you? - What are you talking about? - Am I brave too? You are.
Yes or no? - In what sense are you asking? - Just tell me.
Yes or no? - Okay, I'm brave.
And you - So, am I brave too? - What will happen if I say you're brave? - Well - And you're free of your shackles.
Right? - Fuck off, dude.
Heracles, this asshole was trying to sneak into the palace with a Trojan Horse.
A Trojan Horse, really? A thousand-year-old trick.
Elanora was with him too.
If anything bad happens to Elanora, I'll feed you to the dogs.
Which dogs? What's a dog doing in the palace? That's bullshit.
Tomorrow, I'll tie you to the Byzantine wheel of fortune.
I'll watch.
Let's see if you can break the cycle of fortune.
Oh, Murad.
Don't be sad, boy.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Such things happen.
Heracles, don't do this.
I love him.
No can do.
We'll all love him.
Let me go! We'll lick him like he's Eastern Roman ice cream.
Don't wear your tongue out, you mutt! I'll cut it out soon! Shut up! I'll make a speech.
Dear people of Rodosto, welcome to the wheel.
Our guest tonight is Murad.
Murad, there are six zones on the wheel.
Whomever you come to, they will have their way with you.
For example If this isn't even allowed on Netflix, it means we're really screwed.
Ayvaz! Is there a wild card, you mutt? Oh, thanks for reminding me.
I almost forgot.
There is a wild card.
If you land on the green area, you're a free man.
Until you have your freedom, the wheel will keep turning.
Just like life! Turn it! Ayvaz! Hold on, Murad! Hold onto the kid inside you.
No! I don't want to have sex! - Mercedes! - No! Finally! I don't want to! I'm coming! Elanora! Mercedes! - Mercedes! - Come on.
That's it.
- Now you're gonna eat it.
- No! I don't want it! Elanora! Here's to you! - She's your sibling, don't worry.
- Son! - No! Don't do it! - Stop squirming.
Don't look.
Stay still! Elanora! I rode him.
I rode him for you! Mercedes! Not bad.
If you're so brave, you should fight him one-on-one! That time will come too.
Oh, right! He asked if there was a wild card.
To the blank green spot.
Go on! No! Murad, you should've already broken that wheel.
I cannot do it, Ayvaz! Turn it! Ayvaz.
- Don't let it stop at you! - Murad! - Murad! - Ayvaz! Break this wheel of fortune! - He's like a brother to me! - Ayvaz - No! - He's my brother! Ayvaz! - No! - No way! No way! No fucking way! - I can't do it.
- I can't do it either, boy! Avva.
You think chivalry is dead? Bring it on! Anton, get behind me! Come on! You lapdogs! I'm coming! Come here, you bastard! Go to Avva.
Come here! Big brother! Relying on your shield, I see! Anton! Take his life! What the hell? Farewell, Overlord! So, he's dead.
This man will slash everyone in here.
Hey! Avva! What kind of soldiers are you? He's killing everyone.
Hey! Go! Guys, the dead ones should leave.
He's killing everyone.
- Is it over? - What? I said, "Is it over?" I can't hear him.
Everyone is groaning.
Just die already! Let's go, Murad.
Oh, my dear! Until this bloodshed ends, we can neither hear nor understand each other, Heracles.
I thought I'd come to Byzantium, take the princess and go back home.
I was wrong.
Why didn't you tell me that first? I don't know.
I was shy, I guess.
- You can't be shy when you're in love.
- You're right.
There's no need to be shy.
- I love you so much, Elanora.
- We had a lot of brides coming and going.
If you'd told me so, we'd have gotten some meat with a few glasses of rakı and talked about it.
- It's his dad.
- Ayvaz! That father of his put him up to this.
Am I wrong, Murad? "Your wrist is like this.
" "Your wrist is like that.
" Do you know science? No.
Art? A true profession? No.
Your father put you up to this, son.
Look.
Look, these are good people.
The olive oil he put on that salad? So pure! We had dinner for four at the inn for just 30 coins, and we even had meat.
Ayvaz? - Ayvaz? - Murad.
I'm dying now.
What do you mean? It's the stress.
You think it's easy, son? Since the age of three, everyone's been swinging swords and chopping off heads all around me.
The Middle Ages, huh? Even the sanest would go fucking mad.
Ayvaz! You fucker! Ayvaz! He is dead.
My condolences, Murad.
Thanks.
Come on, Murad, stop being sad.
Elanora.
Will you come to my village with me? Of course, Murad.
Let's see if you'll like my tribe, especially my father.
Oh, do you have a pops? Yes, I do.
And sorry about fucking up your palace.
This is it, Elanora.
My humble home.
Come on, Avva, don't be shy.
My father must be inside.
Father! Murad? Father? What's going on? That's the Mother Mary.
That's strange.
Who put that there? - I slashed everyone with my sword, Father.
- Good job, son! And this is Elanora, your daughter-in-law.
Are you hiding something there? No.
What's that? Murad, is your father Son! Don't call me son! What's this? Who are you? Say my name.
Kozbey.
Say it again! Kozbey! Beyko Beykoz! Kilyos.
I'm Kilyos, son of Terkos.
Exactly 40 years ago, fueled by my hatred for my father who abandoned me, I unleashed you and many youngsters on Byzantium.
I'm Kilyos, son of Terkos.
I called you Father.
Guess I shouldn't call you "son" anymore.
No.
I'm caught in a spiral of lies, Elanora.
But I learned my lesson.
I will not raise my sword to you, old man.
Go practice your religion as you wish.
Thank you! I'm gonna hit you just once.
Murad, don't be silly! There'll be a big backlash.
Don't! Slut Ashhadu alla What have you done? Come on, stop your whining! One minute you're sensitive, the next you're not.
Go for a checkup.
Go away.
Go away.
Leave me alone.
I'm just a dry branch from now on.
- I'm Dry Murad.
- Murad, you're exaggerating.
Girl, you be quiet now.
Don't you have any personality? You think being a princess is a job? Come on, move.
Whatever.
Like I care.
Whatever.
Go away! The sword that comes with its own trouble.
Fuck the trouble you bring! That day, a new man was born in that tribe.
Murad.
Dry Murad.
With a strong wrist.
A really strong wrist.
Lonely, but with a really strong wrist.
Murad.
Dry Murad.
THE END Subtitle translation by: Diana Renker, Marc Seyers