The Mary Tyler Moore Show (1970) s01e01 Episode Script

How will you make it on your own This world is awfully big And, girl this time you're all alone But it's time you started living It's time you let someone else do some giving Love is all around No need to waste it You can have the town Why don't you take it You might just make it After all You might just make it after all Well, Mary, what do you think? Here it is.
Oh, wow! Hey, it really is charming, isn't it? Why are we showing her the apartment? 'Cause she's gonna be living here.
Won't that be fun? Having Aunt Mary living right upstairs from us.
She's not my aunt.
Well, that's right, Bess.
I'm not really your aunt.
But your mother and I have known each other for a long time, and sometimes Bess is right, Mary.
We try to be very truthful in our family.
- You're not her aunt.
- That's right, Bess.
I'm not your aunt.
Phyllis, I just love it.
It's charming.
I thought this was gonna be Aunt Rhoda's apartment.
Who's Aunt Rhoda? Oh, that dumb, awful girl who lives upstairs that Bess likes.
She's not your aunt, Bess.
That dumb Rhoda thinks this is going to be her apartment, so I signed a year's lease for you.
You signed a lease before I even saw the place? Wait till you see the view.
It's absolutely incredible, isn't it? - Aunt Rhoda? - Oh, that dumb, awful girl.
Don't pay any attention to her.
I'm gonna go get the owner.
- Come on, Bess.
- Aunt Rhoda's really a lot of fun.
- Mom hates her.
- Oh? Uh, you want Oh.
- Give me a hand, will you? - Sure.
Thanks.
Thanks a lot.
- So you're, uh, Rhoda? - Morgenstern.
- And I'm Mary Richards.
- Oh, hello.
Get out of my apartment.
Now, look, Rhoda, I don't know all the details, but Phyllis will be back, and then we can talk about it.
I don't talk to her.
And besides, there's no discussion here.
This is my apartment.
Would I be out in the snow washing the windows of your apartment? No.
I did that for my apartment.
Would I spend an entire month's salary on brand-new carpeting for you? I don't know you.
I never saw you before.
That's for me, I did it.
You spent a whole month's salary? The owner's out of town for a few days, but his wife said - What'd you let her in for? - Phyllis, Phyllis.
I can't take this apartment.
She spent a whole month's salary on the new carpeting.
Oh, that's old carpeting.
It comes with the apartment.
- You lied to me? - You betcha.
I lied.
Okay, girls, you want me to tell you the truth? I'm gonna tell you the truth.
- This is gonna be my apartment! - All right, Rhoda.
I'm gonna tell you why Mary needs this apartment more than you do, - why she's moved here to Minneapolis.
- No.
No, no.
No! Tell me.
A beautiful romance just blew up in her face.
It did not blow up.
I made the decision.
I was going with someone for a couple of years, and Now I'm telling her.
For two years, through his internship and then his residency at the hospital, Bill let her almost support him.
Uh, Phyllis, how 'bout if I asked you very nicely to stop this? For two years, he promised her that the minute he started his practice, they would be married.
- Phyllis, would you please stop this? - After two long years Tell her what he said, Mary.
Go ahead.
After two long years, he said "Why rush into things?" That's why she's here, to start a new life for herself.
That's why she needs this apartment.
Compared to my life, that's a Walt Disney movie.
Now, if you girls will kindly clear out, I'm gonna get back to washing my windows.
All right, Mary.
You can stay downstairs with us tonight.
There's an extra bed in Bess's room.
I've got a couple of job interviews to go on, so I'll meet you later.
- We'll settle this tomorrow, Rhoda.
- It's already settled, Phyllis.
You, out.
You think I'm some kind of a pushover, don't you? Yeah.
Well, then you're in for a little surprise.
'Cause if you push me, then I just might have to push back.
Hard.
Come on.
You can't carry that off.
I know.
Oh, excuse me, sir.
I'm supposed to see a, um, Mr.
, uh I beg your pardon.
I wonder if you could tell me - Excuse me.
- Hello.
Hello! - Hello.
- Hello.
I'm supposed to see a Mr.
Grant about a secretarial job.
It's been filled.
Since this young lady came to see Mr.
Grant, why don't you let Mr.
Grant handle it? - Right this way, miss.
- It's been filled.
Uh, do you have any idea when Mr.
Grant will be back? I'm Mr.
Grant.
You're back! Look, miss, I was just about to have a drink, and I wouldn't mind some company.
- Want one? - Uh, no, thank you.
I said I wouldn't mind some company.
All right.
I'll have a Brandy Alexander.
How 'bout some coffee? That'll be fine.
Uh, has the job been filled? - Yeah.
- Oh.
- But there is another job.
- Oh? - I figured I'd hire a man for it.
- Oh.
But we can talk about it.
Well, good.
Hey, you live in my favorite neighborhood.
Oh, really? I just moved in.
Is it that nice? Nice? Some of the best saloons in town are over there.
- How old are you? - Thirty.
No hedging? No "how old do I look?" Why hedge? How old do I look? - Thirty.
- Oh.
What religion are you? Uh, Mr.
Grant, I don't quite know how to say this, but you're not allowed to ask that when someone's applying for a job.
- It's against the law.
- Wanna call a cop? - No.
- Good.
Would you think I was violating your civil rights if I asked if you're married? Presbyterian.
Well, l-I decided I'd answer your religion question.
- Divorced? - No.
- Never married? - No.
- Why? - Why? - You type? - Mr.
Grant, there's no simple answer to that question.
Yes, there is.
How 'bout, "No, I can't type" or "Yes, I can.
" There's no simple answer to why a person isn't married.
- How many reasons can there be? - Sixty-five.
- Words per minute.
My typing question.
- Yes.
Look, miss, would you try answering the questions as I ask 'em? Yes, I will, but it does seem that you've been asking a lot of very personal questions that don't have a thing to do with my qualifications for this job.
You know what? You've got spunk.
- Well, yes.
- I hate spunk! Tell you what I'll try you out for a couple of weeks, see if it works out.
- Oh! - If I don't like you, I'll fire you.
- Right, right.
- You don't like me, I'll fire you! That certainly seems fair.
- What's the job? - The job is that of associate producer.
- Associate - Something wrong? No, no, no, I like it.
Associate producer.
The job pays ten dollars less a week than a secretarial job.
That'll be fine.
If you can, uh, get by on 15 less a week, we'll make you producer.
No, no.
I think all I can afford is associate producer.
You can start tomorrow.
Oh, well, that's just wonderful! So I'll see you tomorrow! Associate producer! - You're doing a wonderful job, Bess.
- Thanks, Mom.
Phyllis, are you in there? - Just a sec.
- My key doesn't work.
I had the lock changed to keep dumb, awful Rhoda out.
Hey, listen.
I've got the greatest news.
I got a job! I went on this interview for a regular secretary job, and what, uh Wh- What's the matter? You haven't even noticed that your furniture arrived.
Oh, great! Hey, how 'bout that? Hi, Bess! Listen, I didn't tell you about the job.
I got there a little bit late.
I was kind of nervous.
Something's still the matter.
Bess arranged it for you.
Oh.
Bess, it looks just great.
I really like it.
Really.
Well, the job is at WJ M-TV in the newsroom.
Now, it's not quite as important as the title sounds, but Didn't I thank Bess enough? It's just that I have some rather shattering news for you.
- Shattering news? - But it can wait.
- Shattering news? - Tell me about your new job.
I'm only an associate producer.
What's the shattering news? Well, I got a long-distance call today.
I was on the phone for 45 minutes, and guess what.
Your boyfriend's coming to see you.
That was Mother's news, Bess.
Bill's coming? I realize you wanted to tell her, too, but that was Mother's news.
Bill is coming? Phyllis! Yes, Bill's coming.
He'll be here tomorrow night.
We'll leave you alone now.
I know exactly how you feel.
- I don't know how I feel.
- Well, I do.
Come on, Bess.
I really didn't mind arranging the furniture.
Mother said it was the least we could do after what you've been through.
Uh, Bess, did Mother tell you exactly what I've been through? Everything.
All right, lady.
There you go.
What the What are you doing with your furniture in my apartment? Rhoda, this is my apartment.
So this is your little trick, changing the lock, huh? What's going on? You told me you lived here.
Who is he? A locksmith.
What do you think? Here.
- Thank you very much.
- I'm not going along with this.
If this is her place, I just helped you break in.
That's what you just did.
Look, even if you did, it's already done.
So what can you do? - Let me see your driver's license.
- What? If anything happens here, I wanna know who you are.
I'm not gonna show you my driver's license.
In that case, I'm gonna memorize your face.
Small mole, left cheek.
Uh, now that you see that I've moved in, would you leave? Where do you come off looking that good in the morning? Look, Rhoda, I'm starting a new job today, so Where'd you get that nightie from, Tricia Nixon? So if you don't mind I hear your doctor-boyfriend's making a little house call tonight.
Bess told me.
You know, Mary, I hope everything works out for you.
I really do.
Well, thanks.
Because if it does, that means you'll move out of here, and this'll be mine.
Rhoda! I left New York City because I couldn't find an apartment.
I'm not gonna leave Minneapolis for the same reason.
- You know what? - What? In spite of everything, you're hard to dislike.
I know what you mean.
I'm having a hard time hating you too.
We'll both have to work on it.
Somebody get Ted Baxter in here.
He's probably in makeup.
- I'll do it, Mr.
Grant.
- He'll do it.
- When I say "somebody," I mean him.
- Mr.
Grant.
Uh, I wondered, do you think you could find something for me to do? - I'd like to be busier.
- I'm too busy to keep you busy.
Why did he hire me? Why? Maybe he was bombed.
No, I mean it.
Hiya, fellas.
Here he is, the Marcello Mastroianni of Minneapolis newscasters.
Why, thanks, Murr.
It's not a compliment.
He has trouble speaking English too.
Hi.
You haven't met me.
I'm Ted Baxter, the anchorman.
I know.
And I'm Mary Richards.
I'm the new, uh Wonderful! I've been telling Lou we needed a new one.
Uh, welcome to my 6:00 news team.
- Thank you.
- Baxter, will you knock it off? Come on, let's get to the studio.
- Newsroom.
Just a moment, please.
- Baxter! Mr.
Grant, it's Mrs.
Grant.
She's calling from the airport.
Oh, yeah, she's going to her sister's for a month.
Tell her I'll speak to her when she gets back.
Murray, give me that list of words that Baxter mispronounced on last night's show.
Check the top one, Lou.
The top one.
"Chicago"? Come on, fellas! And take that makeup bib off! Last night he wore it halfway through the show.
Newsroom.
Miss Bill? Well, hi! When did you get into town? Uh, yeah, that's right.
I'm working here in the newsroom.
Associate producer.
Can you believe that? Oh, yeah, they're keeping me really busy.
No, no, I'm not too busy to talk.
Well, how long will you be in town? Sure.
Drop over tonight.
It'll be good seeing you too.
Bye, Bill.
You've changed the room around.
Personally, I didn't think there was a thing wrong with the way Bess arranged it.
Well, I just, you know, switched a couple of things.
Well, it's your apartment, until you're married anyway.
Well, look, Phyllis, just because Bill is coming tonight, it doesn't mean we're getting married.
- I want to see you married, Mary.
- Well, me too.
Because I'm married.
And I know how beautiful it can be if you look at it realistically.
I mean, realistically.
Face the fact that it means a certain amount of sacrificing, of unselfishness, denying your own ego, sublimating, accommodating, surrendering.
- Phyllis.
- Say it.
You're hurting my hand.
- I'm sorry.
- It's all right.
- Try and remember what I told you.
- I will.
Believe me, I know about marriage.
Coward.
Hi! Hi.
Hi.
Nice place.
Uh, well, yeah, it's-it's beginning to shape up, you know.
A lot of the furniture still hasn't arrived, and, of course, uh, curtains at the window, you know, will help.
And, uh And I really don't know why you're here, Mr.
Grant.
Well, I was in the neighborhood visiting one of my favorite spas.
My wife left today.
She's gonna be away for a whole month.
Now I know why you're here.
Oh, yes, Miss Associate Producer, he said he'd find something for you to do.
Certainly didn't get the job because of your personality.
You know, you got a great caboose.
There it is.
You got the job because of your great caboose.
But not as great as my wife's.
She's got the greatest caboose ever.
She left today.
She's gonna be away for a whole month, and I miss her already.
I miss her so much, I am going to write her a letter and tell her.
- Good.
- Where's your typewriter? Uh, well, I'll tell you, Mr.
Grant, I just moved in, and I'm not really sure where everything is.
Ah, there's the little portable devil! You know, there's a whole slew of typewriters down at the office.
Oh, yeah.
Wouldn't you be more comfortable there? Oh, no.
My dearest - How are ya? - I'm fine.
How are you? I'm fine.
- No, I'm not.
- That's my boss down at the newsroom.
- Is there a big news story here? - Oh, no.
He's, uh, writing to his wife.
I miss you more than Where did you ever get roses in winter? Roses in winter.
That's beautiful.
Oh, um, you, uh - you don't want to read that, Mary.
- Oh? Why? Did you have a weak moment and get mushy? No, no, it's just that Here, give me the Too late.
It's already out.
"Get well soon, Uncle Buddy.
Love, Gloria and Milton.
" I got 'em from a patient down at the hospital.
- Oh? - It's not as if I stole them.
I had to promise Uncle Buddy a free nose job.
Hey, I don't know about you, but I don't like being in separate towns.
Hey, I don't know about you, but Say, you know, it's, um it's a little difficult to talk with, uh Is it possible to out? Uh all my love, Lou.
All my love, Lou.
Hey! I am finished.
I think I'll go tie one on.
That's kind of a weird boss you've got there.
Oh, I don't know.
I think that's kind of sweet.
You know, a man who misses his wife that much.
You just couldn't wait, could you? - Couldn't wait for what? - To bring up marriage.
I waited two years, Bill.
That's not exactly "couldn't wait.
" Th-That's waiting.
That's really waiting.
Okay, okay.
You're right, I'm wrong.
I know there's no need to talk about it anymore.
That's not why I'm here.
Oh? Why are you here? Well, I haven't seen you in a month or so, and, uh, l You didn't think the only reason I was here was to No, no.
I'm here because l I love you.
- How come I never noticed that before? - That I love you? That you don't say that very well.
You Something kind of catches in there, and it just it doesn't come out too well.
Well, uh, maybe you can give me some lessons then.
Now, you see, that you say very well.
Hey, come on, Mary.
We got the whole night ahead of us.
We're getting all hung up on words.
Why don't you get us out of this? You say everything so well.
No, I don't.
I say a lousy good-bye.
Hi.
You got a stamp? I'll see.
Um, uh, Mary? Did you just say good-bye? - Uh-huh.
- That's what I thought you said.
Uh, yeah, well, I'll s I'll see you.
Take Take care of yourself.
I think I just did.
Bye! This is a Christmas seal.
Is, uh, is that a stamp? Yes, it is.
Thank you.
That guyyou didn't lose much.
But he sure did.
He missed out on the best wife.
Boy, it's funny how you can see things differently in just a couple of weeks.
You know, I could have married him.
Can you imagine what what that life would have been like? Boy, every time I'd get a basket of flowers, I'd wonder if he stole them from Uncle Buddy's sickbed.
Listen, if I were you, I'd find out what Uncle Buddy was sick with.
You know, I'm really lucky.
I am so lucky.
You feel good now, huh? Yeah.
No, I feel rotten.
But lucky.
Look, about the job, I'll find plenty for you to do tomorrow at the station.
- Oh, thank you, Mr.
Grant.
- If I show up.
- Hi! - Hi.
If that's Bill, you didn't lose much.
Isn't that funny? That's what everyone says.
- It didn't work out, huh? - Did Bess tell you? No, I figured it out for myself.
I've got this tremendous sensitivity, and you've got this heating duct that goes all the way up to my apartment.
Oh.