The Muppets Mayhem (2023) s01e01 Episode Script

1
DR. TEETH: Hey, El Rey.
Let's rock and roll!
(ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE PLAYING)
(SINGING)
(CROWD SHOUTING)
Come on, you know the words!
- Yeah!
- (CROWD CHEERING)
(SCREAMING)
(SINGING ALONG)
(HORNS HONKING)
- Oh.
- (MUSIC VOLUME LOWERS)
- Thank you.
- Hey, you're welcome.
FYI, it's not "part of every day,"
it's "party every day."
Uh
No way. You can't rock and roll all night,
and then proceed to party all day.
Can't you?
What? No. That's humanly impossible.
But you can rock and roll all night,
and then part of every day.
Using the other part of the day to rest.
I don't think that's right.
Trust me. I know what I'm talking about.
I'm an exec at a music label.
Oh, I can tell by this fancy car you have.
(HORNS HONKING)
- Have a great day.
- Okay, thanks.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Penny. Hi.
Got your iced Mexican mocha
with cayenne caramel
and four pumps of sriracha syrup,
just like you like it.
And if you had a sec,
I would love to have a heart-to-heart.
You wanna talk romance?
You came to the right place.
I once dated Crosby, Stills, and Nash.
Young was too old.
Wow. Okay.
But no. Actually,
I wanted to talk to you about my job.
Yeah, so,
listen, it's no secret that I love music
more than anything.
And if you give me a chance
to work with a few bands,
I know I can help make some hit albums
that'll really support
the future of this label. I do.
(SLURPING)
Ah
There is no future.
- What?
- Look around!
Wax Town is a ghost town.
It's time to finally call it quits
and close up shop.
No, you can't do that.
I've been working your desk for six years.
Ugh. Let me give you some advice, kid.
Never work a job
for longer than six months.
Especially at a company that's dying!
Okay, but dying doesn't mean dead.
I mean, sure, literally, everything
you know about music has changed,
but I can help Wax Town Records change
Or you could get to shreddin'.
Time to clean up house.
Now I know why people do contracts
on these computer machines.
Ugh.
(SHREDDER WHIRRING)
"The Electric Mayhem."
No way.
Hello, and welcome to The Music Lowdown.
I'm Ryan Seacrest,
and today's top story brings us big news
from Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem.
With humble beginnings as the house band
on TV's The Muppet Show,
they've since become the stuff of legend.
As of today,
their long and winded road tour
has officially become rock and roll's
longest-running tour in history.
We caught up with the front man
Dr. Teeth and the band
to chat all about the musical milestone.
Whilst our band name
does indeed bear my moniker,
our group is ruled by a pure rock-tocracy.
"One mind. One melody. One Mayhem."
Oh, wow.
We, like, don't really believe in goals,
but I do have a personal life mission,
and that's to totally make
every person in the world happy.
And I think it's going pretty good so far,
for sure.
My main goal is just bein'.
Also chillin'. Yeah, and hangin'.
Chillangin'.
That's a combo of chillin' and hangin'.
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
But now
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
(LAUGHS)
What was the question?
(LAUGHS) Boom!
Wishing our boom operator, Doug,
a speedy recovery.
Hang in there, brother.
I was in college
the first time I saw The Mayhem play.
That night, I dropped my engineering major
and picked up a guitar.
I also grew a beard.
I grew up idolizing Dr. Teeth
and I bought gold grills
just to be like him.
Then I upgraded to diamonds.
The Mayhem?
They taught Mötley Crüe how to shred
and party.
I'll never forget them.
They tattooed their name on me
when I was passed out.
What?
While most bands tour to promote an album,
The Electric Mayhem have never
actually gotten around to recording one.
Till they do,
all us Mayheads will be waiting.
Seacrest, out.
No way.
They owe us an album.
Jeez.
(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
ANIMAL: Rock on! Rock on! Rock on!
- Say, "coo-coo-ka-choo."
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
- Yeah.
- That's a keeper.
Thanks for comin' out.
You guys.
You brought that magic as always.
Well, if it isn't our most loyal
number one Mayhead, my man, Moog.
BAND MEMBERS: Moog.
When you guys added those extra six amps,
I thought it would be overkill,
but you sounded better than ever.
It was so good.
Am I yellin'? I'm yellin', aren't I?
Yes, you are, and you are most welcome.
Welcome.
What's this?
Oh, it's a cymbal,
which is a symbol of our appreciation.
BAND MEMBERS: Moog!
Thank you, guys.
Eh, eh I'mma see you in Austin,
first rack of ribs is on me.
And for Janice, vegan ribs.
They're supposed to be just okay.
- Okay. Well, you have a great night.
- Moog!
You guys, too, man. I love y'all.
- Yeah.
- Bye!
Oh, whoa! Whoa.
Thanks. Did they just give that to you?
Yeah, it's no big deal, though.
But also,
I'm freakin' out inside. (CHUCKLES)
- So, do I just go up to them, or
- I got you.
Hey, guys. Guys!
New Mayhead newbie comin' your way.
- That's one way to do it.
- They're so cool.
(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
Hi. Excuse me, Mr. Teeth?
Mr. Teeth is my father.
I'm the doctor in the house
and most posalutely excited
to meet the last groupie of the group.
Not a groupie.
I'm actually Nora Singh.
CEO of Wax Town Records.
Nora?
- Right.
- Nora.
- What's happening?
- Nora.
I think Animal digs you.
(CHUCKLES)
I dig the Animal as well.
Anyway, I have some business to discuss.
- Where can we talk?
- Well, step right into our office.
Welcome to our office.
Livin' the van life, huh?
Respect. Oh. Cool photos.
Mmm. Indeed. That's just our family
photo album of our truly faithful fans.
Nora.
Still me.
Nora.
Anyway, I'm here
because it's come to my attention
that back in the '70s,
you took a hefty advance from us
- to record your first album.
- Oh! And what an album.
It truly is the greatest achievement
of my lifetime.
It doesn't exist.
There is no album.
Well, then, it is the greatest
disappointment of my lifetime.
The good news is, it's not too late,
because I have a plan
to make it happen fast.
Well, right on.
- (MUMBLING) Mama, Papa.
- Totally.
We'll hop to it as soon as the tour ends.
But your tour never ends.
So, either make the album,
or you could always pay back
your advance of $420,000.
- Whoa! That's a big number.
- Anyone remember where all that went?
- (ALL MUTTERING)
- Says here,
the check was cashed
by a Mr. Zootowski.
I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat.
Memory's a little hazy.
Ooh! I know.
We'll just pay you back in groove.
Yeah, that's not an actual form
of currency.
Yet.
Okay.
- So, then
- Then album it is.
It is?
It is. Great. Perfect.
Please contact me when you get into town,
and we can put my plan into action.
Onward to the City of Angels.
We'll crash with a friend
and lay it all down.
Nora.
Okay. I think this is everything I need.
Great. I gotta get home
and do a live stream makeover challenge.
- Okay.
- By the way, you are the challenge.
Challenge denied.
Because for the next week, I'll absorb
the greatest albums ever made
to help The Mayhem make one.
And how exactly are you gonna buy all that
when you're broke
and crashing on my couch?
Easy, because my super generous,
super successful, super pretty
- little sister will buy it for me.
- Oh.
- Please, please?
- Yeah, sorry. No.
(SIGHS) Okay, fine.
Hey, at least, buy me this one.
- Huh?
- What's a Joe Cocker?
Have a Little Faith in Me?
It was Dad's favorite song.
- You remember bedtime?
- Mmm-hmm.
At first, he'd say goodnight
to our stuffed animals,
and then, he'd sing this to us
until we'd fall asleep.
You're really laying it on thick, huh?
- Is it working?
- No.
But you won't have to mooch off me,
now that your mean boss
is letting you work with an actual band.
Yeah. Penny doesn't know
about any of this.
I also may have told the band
that I'm the CEO.
Look at you going rogue.
Hey, Penny may be ready to end it,
but me, I'm just getting started.
So, I assume Miss Type A
has a big plan worked out?
You know me. Obviously,
I've thought through every step and detail
and it all begins as soon as The Mayhem
comes into town.
Apparently, they're crashing
with a friend.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Hi.
Hi?
Lady, I'm home.
- Whoa! Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Hey!
- It's like stepping into a house catalog.
- I said I'll contact you
- Isn't it great?
- Excuse me.
Hi.
- Aren't you crashing with a friend?
- Indeed we are.
Much obliged for the hospitality, friend.
- No, no, no.
- Hi.
Where can we hang our hammocks?
Yeah. And which room is best
for pants-free hot yoga?
- None of them.
- ANIMAL: Hi.
Hi. Hello. Sure, come on in.
Why not? Everyone else has.
Okay.
So, for my brows, I like to go in
with this brow product that I
- Hey.
- (GASPS)
Nora. Nora,
I'm in the middle of a live stream here.
What's the deal?
NORA: Hannah, come, come, please.
The band. Band. Hannah, my sis
- Assistant.
- ANIMAL: Hi.
Who was just leaving
to pick up my juice cleanse.
ANIMAL: Bye.
NORA: Hannah, please.
Trust me, I have a foolproof plan.
Thank you so much. I love you. Bye.
- ANIMAL: Bye!
- (NORA CLEARS THROAT)
Okay. It begins.
Let's put a pin in your living sitch,
while we go over my plan
to take you to the top.
W.
FLOYD: Very good, Animal.
He's learning the alphabet.
Also, where is Dr. Teeth?
Oh, he spotted the hot tub out back.
- Mmm-hmm.
- So
You know, like he has that thing,
when he, like, sees a hot tub,
he has to, like, go to the hot tub,
and then soak in the hot tub
because, like, hot tub.
Ahh.
Hot tub.
Hi. Sorry to interrupt, but I need you
back inside for a band meeting.
Mai-tai?
Where'd that even come from?
Doesn't matter.
You're the frontman, so, it'd mean a lot
if you got onboard with my plan.
It would be of great neglect
not to inform you
that we, The Electric Mayhem,
do not subscrubulate
to a frontman disposition.
- What?
- We're all the frontman.
You can't all be the frontman
because that doesn't work.
- How do you decide anything or make plans?
- No plans is the plan.
No one has no plan as the plan.
What if the plan is to never plan the plan
to begin with?
- I'm gonna need that Mai-tai.
- Well, all right.
Where do these keep coming from?
Doesn't matter. If it's a group decision,
then towel off and come back inside.
You got it.
Mind grabbing me a bathing suit?
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(WHOOPING)
How did this happen?
I was gone for two minutes.
No, no, no, no.
So much damage in so little time.
The party has arrived.
ALL: Moog!
Hi, excuse me? Mayhead guy?
- Hey, newbie. What's up?
- You tell me. What is all this?
This is a classic Mayhem kickback.
Yeah, welcome to the entourage.
No, I'm not a superfan. I work in music.
Who doesn't?
Oh, I got a hot demo if you know anybody
who's looking for a chart-topping genius.
Hey, that's the lady from this comic book.
Oh! More like precious family memories.
I'll take that. Sorry.
Hey, excuse me, sir.
That couch is not yours to move.
I'm making room for a wrestling ring.
Billy Corgan?
Wow.
(GRUNTS) You're about to get
your pumpkin smashed, Billy boy.
Brother, your smack talk needs some work.
I know, I'm sorry.
To be clear, there'll be no smacking
or smashing of any kind.
- Everyone needs to leave before my
- Nora? Nora Singh! What is going on?
Hey. Look who it is.
It's my sis-sistant.
Don't even.
This is what you call figuring it out?
I promise, I have it under control.
I have a plan.
Well, I hope that plan involves
getting these randos out of my home.
Did somebody say foam?
(ALL CHEERING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Okay, you are correct.
You do not like a plan.
That's why I'm pivoting to a new approach,
which is one step at a time.
(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)
I'll pretend that was encouraging. Thanks.
So, step one,
label has a place for you to live.
Just need my boss's approval.
Your boss?
I thought you said you were the boss.
- I am.
- Hmm.
But, I mean, even bosses have to report
to their bosses.
- (SNEEZES)
- Bless you. And mine is Penny Waxman.
Penny? That's a name I recallize.
Yeah, she's a legend in the biz,
but one tough cookie.
So, you wait in the van,
while I go in and work my magic.
You can pull up over here.
No. No can do, Label Lady.
If we stop, the van don't start.
Yeah, only way out is a slow and go.
- A what, now?
- At first we slow, and then you go.
I'm not jumping out of a moving van.
(CHUCKLES)
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
Penny, hi, it's me.
Hope I'm not disturbing you.
Any updates on the shredding?
Better. You're gonna love this,
'cause I figured out
that we have a contract
with a great band who, believe it or not,
still owes us an album.
What album? What band?
The only ones
who still owe me a record are
(GASPS)
You didn't.
(DR. TEETH CHUCKLING)
I knew I recallized that voice.
Look who it is. Doctor Bigshot.
Wait, you two know each other?
Mmm-hmm. Indeed, we do.
How you been, Twinkles?
- I hate you.
- Mmm-hmm.
- Thought you said the van couldn't stop.
- Lips is circling the block.
You're still hangin' around
with all those other smuggegies, eh?
ANIMAL: Smuggegies, smuggegies.
- All right. How you is? How you been?
- Yep.
Everyone come in. The more the merrier.
- Shut up, all of ya's.
- Okay.
Ugh. If it weren't for the very small,
decaying piece of my heart
that I once had
for this floppy top-hatted imbecile,
I'd have you all wiped
from the face of the Earth years ago,
for taking my money
and leaving me nothing!
Ah! Until now,
which is why
I just need a tiny little favor.
- No.
- I didn't even ask anything yet.
Well, then ask.
That house on Laurel Canyon,
where you used to put up talent?
Like in the old days.
Don't remind me. Now, get 'em out of here!
- Okay. Sounds good.
- PENNY: Go!
- Bye, Twinkles.
- I hate you.
Stop wasting her time.
- FLOYD: Ma'am, let's get out of here.
- Wait, wait, wait.
Okay, a few unforeseen small,
but hugely important details
have slightly derailed my plan.
Namely, you're homeless,
and, also, my boss hates you.
Well, I wasn't necessarily receiving
that sentimentation.
She said, "I hate you."
Yeah.
Well, all I know is, I loved the lady,
but I had to let her go.
- So, you dumped her?
- Yes.
Okay, so now we need to win Penny over.
Maybe we can send her something nice.
I don't know, like chocolates, flowers.
Compression socks.
- She loves to be squeezed.
- Huh?
- Squeezed? Like oranges?
- FLOYD: I knew it.
Listen, Penny can never find out
that I gave you this.
The label owns a house in Laurel Canyon.
You can crash there.
- It's called The Shack.
- (YELPS) The Shack?
- No way, man.
- Whoa!
- You know it?
- Back in the day,
The Shack was a magical mecca
of music's most melodic minds.
Oh, yeah, it's like where I made Meat Loaf
his first loaf of meat.
- It's where Pink Floyd built that wall.
- They hired The Carpenters.
- The Who? Oh.
- No, no, man. The Carpenters.
Lot of history, but I'll meet you there,
okay? For now, go.
FLOYD: Okay, see you.
DR. TEETH: All right.
NORA: The exit, over there.
Where it says "Exit."
- DR. TEETH: Let's single file out of here.
- E-X.
FLOYD: This is The Shack?
They really sucked the heart and soul
out of the joint, didn't they?
- ALL: Mmm-hmm.
- Like, Nora did say
we should make ourselves at home.
Well, you know what that means.
Time to add some rave to this cave.
Ooh, some rad to the pad.
Some (MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY)
Righteous rhymin', Lips.
And I know just the jam.
A two, three, four!
(CAN YOU PICTURE THAT? PLAYING)
(SINGING)
(LAUGHS)
(YELLS)
NORA: No, no, no, no, no, no.
What have you done?
Exactly what you told us to do.
We made ourselves at home.
Right. At The Shack!
BAND MEMBERS: Yes.
This is not The Shack.
That is The Shack.
(CROW CAWS)
BAND MEMBERS: Oh!
- That makes way more sense.
- Now, that's a place you don't forget.
Now I know why you've never made an album,
because there is no plan in the world
that could wrangle the stampede of chaos
that is The Electric Mayhem.
- FLOYD: Aw, that's sweet.
- (ALL MURMURING)
- Did that sound like a compliment?
- Yeah.
I'm done.
Wow!
Sounds to me like the Label Lady
is dropping us from the label.
NORA: Wow!
- (SADLY) Nora.
- (CAR DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
Well, if that's The Shack,
then whose house did we psychedeliate?
Hey!
- Who did this to my house?
- FLOYD: Uh
That depends. Do you like it?
(MUSIC PLAYING FROM RECORD)
Okay, I will buy you
the stupid record already.
- (MUSIC STOPS)
- (SIGHS)
- How did you even know I was here?
- Oh, come on.
I know all your go-to spots
and you weren't in the aisles
of The Container Store.
Can you blame me?
I just fired the only band dumb enough
to actually give me a chance.
Nora, you're an assistant.
Can you even fire people?
No, I cannot,
which makes this whole thing even sadder.
So, no harm done. Just go back and fix it.
That's the thing.
The Mayhem doesn't wanna be fixed.
They're perfectly happy
being exactly how they are.
Impulsive and aimless,
and totally incapable
of following any logic or rules or plans.
Sounds rock and roll to me.
I tried to roll with it, literally.
- I rolled out of a van.
- (CHUCKLES)
I wish Dad was here.
He always knew what to do,
how to cheer us up.
Nora, all your great memories with Dad,
all those times he sang to us,
honestly, I don't remember any of it.
- Wait, you don't?
- I was too young.
But after he was gone,
you know what I do remember?
You. I remember
you dropping out of college,
putting your whole life on hold
so you could take care of me.
I remember you singing this song to me
until I fell asleep.
And back then,
did you have any kind of plan?
Maybe, just to keep you alive.
Well, here I am,
alive and kind of crushing it.
What got us through was faith,
not some big plan.
I guess it's time to track down the band
and beg for their forgiveness.
Oh, no need. They're playing a big show
at some place called The Shack.
No, no. I kicked them out of The Shack.
What are you saying?
It's trending. You did this.
Okay, Penny is gonna kill me.
I need to get there
before the cops show up.
(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING)
(DR. TEETH SINGING)
(DR. TEETH LAUGHS)
Unbelievable.
You're telling me. These guys go hard.
Not just on stage.
They taught me how to spin records.
No way. They painted my house.
Mayhem forever!
(LAUGHING)
And they said the world wasn't ready
for a 45-minute trumpet solo.
And they was right.
(BAND MEMBERS CHUCKLING)
All right, now, this one
goes out to a real ma'am with a plan,
determined to take us
to the highest of hightitudes.
Nora!
Till she fired us.
(DEJECTEDLY) Nora.
This one's for you, Label Lady.
(HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN ME PLAYING)
(SINGING)
Hey, you okay, noob?
Yeah, I just
Love this song.
My dad used to sing it to me
when I was little.
I don't know how they knew that.
(CHORUS VOCALIZING)
I was here to kick them out,
but somehow, they've won everyone over.
MOOG: That's The Mayhem for you.
They're just
They're magic.
(FIREWORKS EXPLODING)
Hey, I'm Moog, by the way.
Nora.
Welcome to The Mayhem, Nora.
(ANIMAL GRUNTING)
Hey, Animal. Let's pack that in the van.
That was some farewell show.
They always are.
Oh, uh
Don't worry. We'll be on our way.
Wait.
Listen, I don't know how you did it,
but last night was
Magical.
Maybe that's something you can't plan.
And so, if you'd let me,
I would love to help you make this album.
Well, sounds like a plan.
Actually, someone wise and naked
in a hot tub once told me,
"No plan is the plan,"
and I'm ready to roll with it.
Well, good.
'Cause we're ready to rock with it.
ANIMAL: Nora.
(PANTING)
Animal.
- (LAUGHS SOFTLY)
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
That's a good one.
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)
- Penny?
- Hmm?
You got a sec to talk?
It's about the band.
(CHUCKLES) You'll never guess
what Doctor Bigshot did.
(GRUNTS) Ah!
He remembered I like compression socks.
Just the right amount of squeeze.
So, maybe they could stay at The Shack?
Get out of here.
Thank you and I've got this on lock.
Oh
He remembered.
(LINE RINGING)
JANICE: Hey, Nora. How are you?
Good. Now that the Doc
worked some magic with Penny.
I'll stop by today, we can get to work.
Oh, wow, like, today,
is not so great for us.
We're taking a little R and R road trip.
- What?
- But we'll totally see you in nine weeks.
No, I promised Penny an album.
You need to turn around right now.
- Right now?
- Right now, you got it.
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- ALL: Whoa!
- Hello? Guys?
- (CRASHING)
Tell me what's happening!
(VULTURE SCREECHES)
DR. TEETH: Talk about a cliff-hanger.
FLOYD: Ha-ha! Disney+ is gonna love this.
JANICE: Oh, wow. For sure.
Nora.
(ANIMAL LAUGHS)
- Smile. That's a keeper.
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)