The Other Two (2019) s01e01 Episode Script
Pilot
1 Buckle up, girls.
There's a sexy new singer in town, and guess what.
He just turned 13.
His homemade music video "I Wanna Marry U At Recess" has racked up 22 million views in just three days.
Some in the music industry are already calling him the next big white kid.
And that's why we are so lucky to have him in the studio with us today for his first-ever live TV interview.
Please welcome ChaseDreams and his mother Pat.
- Hi, guys.
- Good to have you - with us today.
- Well, thank you so much - for having us.
- Well, of course.
So walk us through this, okay? Did you always want to be a famous singer? I actually never really sang before.
I just made this one video for fun, and I guess lots of people liked it.
- Yeah, they sure did.
- Sure did, yeah.
So, Mom, does this kind of talent run in the family? You have other kids, right? Yes, his older brother Cary is an actor here in New York City.
- He's really good.
- Oh, wow.
What kind of work does he do? Hi, I'm Cary Dubek, and I'm reading for the role of "Man At Party Who Smells Fart".
[clears throat.]
[chuckles.]
Great party.
- Thank you.
- Okay, great.
Let's go again, but this time, I think the fart is just bigger and better.
Does that make sense? Yeah.
So, Chase, you're only 13 years old.
It's incredible to be so talented at such a young age.
Well, actually, Kathie Lee, that's kind of normal in our family.
- Oh.
- My oldest, Brooke, was actually a professional dancer when she was Chase's age.
That's big.
So what's she doing now? Um [alarm beeping.]
[groans.]
[Le1f's "Wut".]
Ehh.
Came through in the clutch Stomping like I'm up in Louboutins Boys they wanna paint me like I'm canvas To do sumi on I hate bottled water but whatever I'm pouring Evian I'm the kind of john closet dudes wanna go steady on Toss my gems up raise the bar young phenomenon I make a kamikaze kamikaze wanna firebomb I'm da bomb diggity, got ya moms feelin me So this is [indistinct.]
About 4,000 square feet, lots of Brooke, what are you doing up here? Just getting ready to show this apartment to mister Global Biofund, LLC.
Oh.
[laughter.]
All right, you have to tell us, how did you come up with that fantastic name ChaseDreams? - It's great.
- We love that.
Well, I actually have that phrase on a decorative rock in my bathroom.
Of course you do.
But it also means, like, how it's important to chase dreams.
- Wow.
- Wow, like, literally.
My family taught me that, how you've got to live life to the fullest, 'cause you never know when it's all gonna be over, so you've just got to chase dreams.
BOTH: [sigh.]
I-I-I'm a winner How's everything tasting? Good.
Good.
I've been here.
I've been here.
Everything's good? Hi.
Everything's good? I never left.
Hey, you guys finished? I didn't leave.
Cary.
Hey, Vishant, been here the whole time.
I need to tell you something.
Can you go get the other one? The other gay waiter? Sure, yeah.
[clears throat.]
Curtis.
God, I'm already not into whatever this is.
- Yeah.
- Hi, Vishant.
I wanted you both to know last night at my home my wife and I watched "Brokeback Mountain".
Uh-oh.
I didn't like it.
But I watched it.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.
You are an ally.
- We'll see you at Pride.
- Yes.
- Thank you, Vishant.
- Wear that suit.
We love that suit and those heavy shoes.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, I'm glad you're back.
Because I have something important to ask.
- Will you marry me at recess? - Oh, my God.
For the record, I'm very happy for him.
Mm-hmm, am I supposed to believe that read.
I'm very happy for him.
- That's too big of a smile.
- Mm-hmm.
How was your audition? Oh, fine.
I mean, I just I wish I wish I was auditioning for cooler stuff by now.
All right, first of all, don't knock commercials, okay? I once dated a guy; he did one Nasonex bee commercial.
And after three dates, he bought me this.
Oh, I'm not wearing it right now, but it's this big, ugly, disgusting ring, and I love it.
Great.
Well, what went wrong? Oh, he always had tiny little balls of toilet paper stuck in his butt hole.
Okay, that's Oh, no one who works here, ma'am.
We all have very clean butt holes.
I handled it.
My friends think I'm crazy But I was thinking maybe I wanna marry you at recess Brooke, what are you doing? I'm undercover.
Employees aren't allowed to use the gym.
They're also not allowed to squat in empty apartments.
I have to.
- I broke up with Lance.
- Oh, no, not Lance.
Lance was so hot.
When he was 25, but now he's 30.
And he still says, "Damn, Daniel".
But isn't he, like, a shoe designer or something now? - That's cool.
- No.
No, he has ideas for shoes, and then he draws them and then shows them to me, and I'm like, "Maybe".
And he's had the same day job for six years.
Bitch, so have we.
Yeah, but starting today, I'm gonna find my passion.
I'm gonna I'm gonna chase dreams.
Oh.
Oh, this is because of your brother.
I mean, like, I can do anything, you know? Like, the world is my oyster.
Jo, I'm gonna try oysters.
But this is because of a small child.
I just want to make sure I'm clear.
I've got to go to JFK.
The new guy I started seeing just landed.
You're meeting him at the airport? Yeah, 'cause he's hot, and he has a real job.
I've got to get back out there.
I have seen one dick in four years.
This summer, I'm gonna see 50 dicks.
- Ew.
- No.
It's empowering.
Honey, are you sure you can't come have lunch? We're in Times Square at the Candy Bar.
No, I can't Mom.
I have that acting job, remember? Ooh, that reminds me.
Chase just signed with a big, fancy manager.
He did? - Off of that one song? - Yep.
You know, at first I thought maybe it was the same guy as your manager.
No, mine's dead.
Remember he killed himself in Union Square? Oh, yeah, how terrible.
Yeah, well, this one is definitely alive, and when I asked, he said he didn't know you, but you can meet him at dinner tonight.
Okay, that sounds great.
I have to go, Mom.
I have work, okay? Okay, and don't forget you and Brooke are gonna stay with us at the hotel tonight, okay? Yes, that's great.
- That sounds really good.
- Kathie Lee paid for it - Oh, cool.
- My new best friend, mother of Cassidy and Cody.
Yeah, I know who she is.
We're two moms with a lot of things in common.
Yeah, you both have kids.
Okay.
And Agnes de Mille died in that building there.
Or the one next to it.
But even though she's dead, the spirit of dance lives on in New York City, even when you least expect it.
[upbeat music.]
Gotta grab hold of life with all of my might Like each moment just might be my last Leave my worries behind Leave it all in the past Success is my vice and I'm loading the dice For the perfect roll every day Make it here Make it now Make it all come my way I've got so much to live for Today Hey, there.
Hey.
I've got 45 minutes till my next flight.
Perfect.
I hope you're hungry.
What? No, I don't have time to eat.
I've got 45 minutes.
Oh, no, no.
I meant hungry for Oh, your pussy? Yes, my pussy.
Sorry.
Yeah, I thought you meant, like, a burger or fries or, like, hot dog or a taco - No.
- Or burritos or ice cream or something like that.
Yeah, I'm hungry for your pussy.
- Okay.
- Yeah, let's chow down.
[chuckles.]
Shit.
So, Chase, Hoda and I have heard that you are already quite the hit with the ladies.
Yes, they are nice.
But as I always say, I'm the original dreamer.
That's right, 'cause she is the one who gave me a dream to chase.
You should put that in your next song.
Oh, yes.
Oh, they said other people are writing my next song.
Well, anyway, our sincere apologies to our girl Kerry Washington, 'cause we ended up going along with Chase.
- So sorry, Kerry - They bumped Kerry Washington? What is happening? - What's up, roomie? - Oh, hey.
You want me to start this over? "Survivor: Heroes versus Villains".
That's okay; I've already seen this one, like, seven years ago.
Best finale ever, right? Yeah, very good.
[clears throat.]
[heartbeat thumping.]
I don't know how you still watch this show.
I mean, there's too many close-ups of feet with bug bites.
[chuckles.]
You're funny.
[heartbeat thumping.]
[heartbeat thumping rapidly.]
Mmm.
- Mm-mm-mm.
- Mmm.
- [phone buzzing.]
- Oh, sorry, gotta run.
Oh, that no.
I'll be back at JFK for 70 minutes on Thursday.
- Oh.
- Maybe I can meet you at the baggage carousel bathroom and kiss you on the lips, your, uh, private lips.
Bleh.
Uh, listen, Jeff.
As gorgeous as that just sounded, I think we should just move on, you know.
We're both busy, you with work, and me with my quest to chase dreams.
- Mm.
- But you are a great guy.
And I'm sure you're an even better pilot.
I'm a flight attendant.
What? Yeah, I'm not a pilot.
I'm a flight attendant.
Can I tell people that you were a pilot? What's wrong with being a flight attendant? Nothing.
It's just you're not gay.
That's homophobic.
No, it's not.
I have a gay brother.
Yeah, no dur.
Everybody does.
Hey, so this has been really, really fun.
Mm.
You know how to see yourself out? Yeah, I just open the door, and I walk out.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's been a long time coming mommy I'm on a roll [indistinct.]
coming with a fat bankroll Slammin' them with a whole lot of attitude [clears throat.]
I think I'm gonna take a nap.
Um, do you, uh, do you want me to lay with you or [chuckles.]
Well, that might be weird.
- Yeah.
- Since we're just roommates.
- Yeah, no.
- And I'm straight, so Yeah, yeah, you know, I know.
But we're cool, right, dude? Oh, yeah.
No, no, no, we're cool.
We're cool, cool, cool, cool.
Yeah, fo sho, fo sho.
Yeah, all right, cool, cool.
My playa.
All right, um, I'm gonna take a nap too.
[clears throat.]
I'm pretty tired.
It's been a long time coming mommy I'm on a roll [indistinct.]
coming with a fat [snoring.]
[gentle piano music.]
[sighs.]
[airplane engine roaring.]
What? God, I mean, maybe he is straight.
No, okay, he's initiating this stuff.
Plus, I can feel his boner through his shorts.
Well, what kind of shorts? Red mesh basketball shorts.
I'm sorry.
Ugh, I mean, he does bring girls over to the place sometimes, and he still watches "Survivor," which is, like BOTH: Violently straight.
But I don't know.
I think he's bisexual, because it's not 2010 anymore.
Those people are real now.
They exist.
Yeah, I mean, I'm basically bisexual.
No, you're not.
You just dress up for Pride.
Okay, whatever.
Listen, Cary, hey, I love you, but you've got to stop this.
You need to try being in a real relationship, like what me and Lance had.
You and Lance didn't [bleep.]
for a year.
That's just because he dabbed all the time.
Whatever.
Tonight's all about ChaseDreams.
I do not want to talk about Lance? Hell yeah.
Lance, what are you doing here? And why is your finger broken? Oh, turns out I can't do a backflip.
Brookie, hi.
Of course I invited Lance.
He's your boyfriend.
And my Care Bear.
Mom, love the ensemble.
Thank you.
It's from the Candy Bar.
No, I meant the jacket.
Yeah, Candy Bar.
Wow.
So, guys, we're just right back here.
Cary was kind enough to get us the VIP table.
So, Lance, are you still at Foot Locker? No, he's at Google now.
Hey, hey, hey, these the sibs? I think so.
This is Chase's new manager.
Streeter.
I've heard so much about you two.
Whoo, I mean, but I promise you I will take care of your little bro.
Yeah, sure.
He's a special dude.
He's he's talented, yet he's humble, also sexy, but he's a businessman.
He's 13, but an icon.
And girls are horny for him, yet they respect him, and he respects them.
He respects everyone.
He is everything to me.
He's my best friend.
Well, it's very nice to meet all of what you are.
Cary, Cary, come.
Hey, Vishant, I'm actually I'm not working tonight.
I just I wanted you to know I saw another gay film today.
It had way more sex than "Brokeback Mountain".
But I think I liked it better.
It was called "Cody Rides Tristan".
I think that was a porn, Vishant.
[glass dinging.]
I just want to say thank you all so very much for coming to celebrate Chase's big day.
Wait.
Where is Chase? Oh, yeah, that's my B.
I biffed it right out of the gate.
What happened? I just wanted to get his little body jacked up for the Kids Choice Awards.
He's presenting Best Kiss next month with Meghan Trainor.
- Ha.
- Yeah.
- He is? - Yeah.
So I told him he can only have, like, a dozen raw eggs for lunch, and he's lying on the floor back at the hotel room on a tarp.
Damn, Daniel.
- No.
- No, no.
- No, no.
- That's done.
But we can still celebrate my children who are here.
Because I'm equally proud of both of you.
To my Care Bear, who's working so hard at becoming an actor.
- Oh.
- I am an actor now, Mom.
I'm I'm acting.
And Brookie, my little dancing queen.
I haven't danced in 12 years.
And Lance, America's next top shoe designer.
Thank you.
You know what? I actually came up with three new ideas for shoes today.
One: laces on the bottom.
Two: shoes but invisible.
Three: edible shoes.
Wait, I'm sorry, so you just walk around in the shoes all day and then eat them? - Hell yeah if you're hungry.
- Oh, my God.
I wish it was still okay to say "retarded".
Ho, no, wait, mamacita, ChaseDream loves all people of all mental faculties.
- Jesus Christ.
- Yes, even Jesus Christ.
Oh, my God, Mom, I broke up with Lance.
- What? - Yes, two weeks ago.
Oh, honey.
- Are you doing okay? - Yes, I'm great.
I'm way better than I was before.
- No offense, Lance.
- What? 'Cause I finally get to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life.
I already decided that I'm gonna see 50 - States.
- States.
BOTH: States.
- I'm gonna travel.
- See 'em all.
I'm gonna drive across the country.
I'm gonna be a travel agent, travel writer, travel photographer, all the things, Mom - More wine.
- Because, you know, I'm free to be me, which rhymed.
I'm gonna be a rap, rap critic.
The point is, Mom, is that I'm rock solid.
- We both are.
- Mm-hmm.
Cary had a callback today.
- Cary.
- Hey.
Bravo.
Go, Care.
- Yay.
- It's really it's nothing.
It's just it's a commercial where I smell a fart.
Yeah, I just I just go, like Oh, that was good.
It was very natural.
Full disclosure: I just farted moments ago, so it's the eggs.
I do smell it now.
Anyway, the point is, Mom, we might not be the hot new twink or whatever, but all three of your kids are hot, equally successful millennials.
What? You guys aren't millennials.
- Yeah, we are.
- We Googled it.
- We looked it up.
- BOTH: It's 1982 and after.
- So that's - Well, actually, Chance is Gen Z.
- It's Chase.
- His name is Chase.
Yeah, what did I say? Brookie, honey, listen to me.
I don't care if any of you are famous as long as you're happy.
That's all that matters to me.
Okay, both of you, come on, come on right now.
I want you to give me a hug.
Come around the table.
- Mom.
- Right now.
- Ugh.
- I love you both so much.
But be careful of the studs, 'cause they're very sharp.
- Love you, Mom.
- Love you, Mom.
Love you too.
This hotel room is insane.
Look at all this shit.
These are all gifts from an adult to a child.
"Congratulations on your big hit.
"Think of me for your future projects.
Your fan, Debra Messing".
- Oh, Debra.
- Debra, no.
Hey, can I sleep with you guys? BOTH: Hey.
- Oh, come on.
- Yeah.
You feeling better? Yeah.
- I'm still kind of sick, though.
- Yeah.
We heard about all those eggs.
Mom said you got a callback for a commercial and it could maybe be on TV? I did.
I did, yeah.
That's awesome.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
Thanks.
Hey, did you have fun today? It was okay.
Streeter made them put makeup on my arms.
[chuckling.]
- [chuckles.]
- Did they look stupid? - No.
- No, no, no.
They looked gorgeous.
Are you excited to go back to Ohio tomorrow? Yeah, but can we hang out again next week? Like, in New York? Yeah, Streeter says I'm gonna be out here a lot.
I might do school online.
- Cool.
- Cool.
That's great.
Good for you.
I miss Dad.
Yeah, me too.
Okay, well, I think I'm gonna go to sleep.
- All right, bud.
- Okay.
[whispers.]
This is crazy.
[whispers.]
Oh, my God.
Is he gonna be, like, legit famous? - No.
There's no way.
- Yeah, no, right? I mean, how big could he really get? [dramatic musical flourish.]
[bell dings.]
[upbeat music.]
Girl since the age of ten I knew that I would spend My whole life with you 'Cause girl you're the cutest girl In the entire world And I would die for you 'Cause when we are together I could play forever I like your blue eyes and green dress My friends think I'm crazy But I was thinking maybe I wanna marry you at recess Uh-huh I mean, I don't not get it.
More than a couple we could be a team And together chase dreams Quick question: Does Mike character does he want to be at this party? Hmm, that's a good question.
Ethan? Um, I think you're just sort of, like, whatever, and then the fart.
Okay, did you get that? You're just sort of, like, whatever, and then the fart.
Great.
There's a sexy new singer in town, and guess what.
He just turned 13.
His homemade music video "I Wanna Marry U At Recess" has racked up 22 million views in just three days.
Some in the music industry are already calling him the next big white kid.
And that's why we are so lucky to have him in the studio with us today for his first-ever live TV interview.
Please welcome ChaseDreams and his mother Pat.
- Hi, guys.
- Good to have you - with us today.
- Well, thank you so much - for having us.
- Well, of course.
So walk us through this, okay? Did you always want to be a famous singer? I actually never really sang before.
I just made this one video for fun, and I guess lots of people liked it.
- Yeah, they sure did.
- Sure did, yeah.
So, Mom, does this kind of talent run in the family? You have other kids, right? Yes, his older brother Cary is an actor here in New York City.
- He's really good.
- Oh, wow.
What kind of work does he do? Hi, I'm Cary Dubek, and I'm reading for the role of "Man At Party Who Smells Fart".
[clears throat.]
[chuckles.]
Great party.
- Thank you.
- Okay, great.
Let's go again, but this time, I think the fart is just bigger and better.
Does that make sense? Yeah.
So, Chase, you're only 13 years old.
It's incredible to be so talented at such a young age.
Well, actually, Kathie Lee, that's kind of normal in our family.
- Oh.
- My oldest, Brooke, was actually a professional dancer when she was Chase's age.
That's big.
So what's she doing now? Um [alarm beeping.]
[groans.]
[Le1f's "Wut".]
Ehh.
Came through in the clutch Stomping like I'm up in Louboutins Boys they wanna paint me like I'm canvas To do sumi on I hate bottled water but whatever I'm pouring Evian I'm the kind of john closet dudes wanna go steady on Toss my gems up raise the bar young phenomenon I make a kamikaze kamikaze wanna firebomb I'm da bomb diggity, got ya moms feelin me So this is [indistinct.]
About 4,000 square feet, lots of Brooke, what are you doing up here? Just getting ready to show this apartment to mister Global Biofund, LLC.
Oh.
[laughter.]
All right, you have to tell us, how did you come up with that fantastic name ChaseDreams? - It's great.
- We love that.
Well, I actually have that phrase on a decorative rock in my bathroom.
Of course you do.
But it also means, like, how it's important to chase dreams.
- Wow.
- Wow, like, literally.
My family taught me that, how you've got to live life to the fullest, 'cause you never know when it's all gonna be over, so you've just got to chase dreams.
BOTH: [sigh.]
I-I-I'm a winner How's everything tasting? Good.
Good.
I've been here.
I've been here.
Everything's good? Hi.
Everything's good? I never left.
Hey, you guys finished? I didn't leave.
Cary.
Hey, Vishant, been here the whole time.
I need to tell you something.
Can you go get the other one? The other gay waiter? Sure, yeah.
[clears throat.]
Curtis.
God, I'm already not into whatever this is.
- Yeah.
- Hi, Vishant.
I wanted you both to know last night at my home my wife and I watched "Brokeback Mountain".
Uh-oh.
I didn't like it.
But I watched it.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you.
You are an ally.
- We'll see you at Pride.
- Yes.
- Thank you, Vishant.
- Wear that suit.
We love that suit and those heavy shoes.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, I'm glad you're back.
Because I have something important to ask.
- Will you marry me at recess? - Oh, my God.
For the record, I'm very happy for him.
Mm-hmm, am I supposed to believe that read.
I'm very happy for him.
- That's too big of a smile.
- Mm-hmm.
How was your audition? Oh, fine.
I mean, I just I wish I wish I was auditioning for cooler stuff by now.
All right, first of all, don't knock commercials, okay? I once dated a guy; he did one Nasonex bee commercial.
And after three dates, he bought me this.
Oh, I'm not wearing it right now, but it's this big, ugly, disgusting ring, and I love it.
Great.
Well, what went wrong? Oh, he always had tiny little balls of toilet paper stuck in his butt hole.
Okay, that's Oh, no one who works here, ma'am.
We all have very clean butt holes.
I handled it.
My friends think I'm crazy But I was thinking maybe I wanna marry you at recess Brooke, what are you doing? I'm undercover.
Employees aren't allowed to use the gym.
They're also not allowed to squat in empty apartments.
I have to.
- I broke up with Lance.
- Oh, no, not Lance.
Lance was so hot.
When he was 25, but now he's 30.
And he still says, "Damn, Daniel".
But isn't he, like, a shoe designer or something now? - That's cool.
- No.
No, he has ideas for shoes, and then he draws them and then shows them to me, and I'm like, "Maybe".
And he's had the same day job for six years.
Bitch, so have we.
Yeah, but starting today, I'm gonna find my passion.
I'm gonna I'm gonna chase dreams.
Oh.
Oh, this is because of your brother.
I mean, like, I can do anything, you know? Like, the world is my oyster.
Jo, I'm gonna try oysters.
But this is because of a small child.
I just want to make sure I'm clear.
I've got to go to JFK.
The new guy I started seeing just landed.
You're meeting him at the airport? Yeah, 'cause he's hot, and he has a real job.
I've got to get back out there.
I have seen one dick in four years.
This summer, I'm gonna see 50 dicks.
- Ew.
- No.
It's empowering.
Honey, are you sure you can't come have lunch? We're in Times Square at the Candy Bar.
No, I can't Mom.
I have that acting job, remember? Ooh, that reminds me.
Chase just signed with a big, fancy manager.
He did? - Off of that one song? - Yep.
You know, at first I thought maybe it was the same guy as your manager.
No, mine's dead.
Remember he killed himself in Union Square? Oh, yeah, how terrible.
Yeah, well, this one is definitely alive, and when I asked, he said he didn't know you, but you can meet him at dinner tonight.
Okay, that sounds great.
I have to go, Mom.
I have work, okay? Okay, and don't forget you and Brooke are gonna stay with us at the hotel tonight, okay? Yes, that's great.
- That sounds really good.
- Kathie Lee paid for it - Oh, cool.
- My new best friend, mother of Cassidy and Cody.
Yeah, I know who she is.
We're two moms with a lot of things in common.
Yeah, you both have kids.
Okay.
And Agnes de Mille died in that building there.
Or the one next to it.
But even though she's dead, the spirit of dance lives on in New York City, even when you least expect it.
[upbeat music.]
Gotta grab hold of life with all of my might Like each moment just might be my last Leave my worries behind Leave it all in the past Success is my vice and I'm loading the dice For the perfect roll every day Make it here Make it now Make it all come my way I've got so much to live for Today Hey, there.
Hey.
I've got 45 minutes till my next flight.
Perfect.
I hope you're hungry.
What? No, I don't have time to eat.
I've got 45 minutes.
Oh, no, no.
I meant hungry for Oh, your pussy? Yes, my pussy.
Sorry.
Yeah, I thought you meant, like, a burger or fries or, like, hot dog or a taco - No.
- Or burritos or ice cream or something like that.
Yeah, I'm hungry for your pussy.
- Okay.
- Yeah, let's chow down.
[chuckles.]
Shit.
So, Chase, Hoda and I have heard that you are already quite the hit with the ladies.
Yes, they are nice.
But as I always say, I'm the original dreamer.
That's right, 'cause she is the one who gave me a dream to chase.
You should put that in your next song.
Oh, yes.
Oh, they said other people are writing my next song.
Well, anyway, our sincere apologies to our girl Kerry Washington, 'cause we ended up going along with Chase.
- So sorry, Kerry - They bumped Kerry Washington? What is happening? - What's up, roomie? - Oh, hey.
You want me to start this over? "Survivor: Heroes versus Villains".
That's okay; I've already seen this one, like, seven years ago.
Best finale ever, right? Yeah, very good.
[clears throat.]
[heartbeat thumping.]
I don't know how you still watch this show.
I mean, there's too many close-ups of feet with bug bites.
[chuckles.]
You're funny.
[heartbeat thumping.]
[heartbeat thumping rapidly.]
Mmm.
- Mm-mm-mm.
- Mmm.
- [phone buzzing.]
- Oh, sorry, gotta run.
Oh, that no.
I'll be back at JFK for 70 minutes on Thursday.
- Oh.
- Maybe I can meet you at the baggage carousel bathroom and kiss you on the lips, your, uh, private lips.
Bleh.
Uh, listen, Jeff.
As gorgeous as that just sounded, I think we should just move on, you know.
We're both busy, you with work, and me with my quest to chase dreams.
- Mm.
- But you are a great guy.
And I'm sure you're an even better pilot.
I'm a flight attendant.
What? Yeah, I'm not a pilot.
I'm a flight attendant.
Can I tell people that you were a pilot? What's wrong with being a flight attendant? Nothing.
It's just you're not gay.
That's homophobic.
No, it's not.
I have a gay brother.
Yeah, no dur.
Everybody does.
Hey, so this has been really, really fun.
Mm.
You know how to see yourself out? Yeah, I just open the door, and I walk out.
Yeah.
Okay.
It's been a long time coming mommy I'm on a roll [indistinct.]
coming with a fat bankroll Slammin' them with a whole lot of attitude [clears throat.]
I think I'm gonna take a nap.
Um, do you, uh, do you want me to lay with you or [chuckles.]
Well, that might be weird.
- Yeah.
- Since we're just roommates.
- Yeah, no.
- And I'm straight, so Yeah, yeah, you know, I know.
But we're cool, right, dude? Oh, yeah.
No, no, no, we're cool.
We're cool, cool, cool, cool.
Yeah, fo sho, fo sho.
Yeah, all right, cool, cool.
My playa.
All right, um, I'm gonna take a nap too.
[clears throat.]
I'm pretty tired.
It's been a long time coming mommy I'm on a roll [indistinct.]
coming with a fat [snoring.]
[gentle piano music.]
[sighs.]
[airplane engine roaring.]
What? God, I mean, maybe he is straight.
No, okay, he's initiating this stuff.
Plus, I can feel his boner through his shorts.
Well, what kind of shorts? Red mesh basketball shorts.
I'm sorry.
Ugh, I mean, he does bring girls over to the place sometimes, and he still watches "Survivor," which is, like BOTH: Violently straight.
But I don't know.
I think he's bisexual, because it's not 2010 anymore.
Those people are real now.
They exist.
Yeah, I mean, I'm basically bisexual.
No, you're not.
You just dress up for Pride.
Okay, whatever.
Listen, Cary, hey, I love you, but you've got to stop this.
You need to try being in a real relationship, like what me and Lance had.
You and Lance didn't [bleep.]
for a year.
That's just because he dabbed all the time.
Whatever.
Tonight's all about ChaseDreams.
I do not want to talk about Lance? Hell yeah.
Lance, what are you doing here? And why is your finger broken? Oh, turns out I can't do a backflip.
Brookie, hi.
Of course I invited Lance.
He's your boyfriend.
And my Care Bear.
Mom, love the ensemble.
Thank you.
It's from the Candy Bar.
No, I meant the jacket.
Yeah, Candy Bar.
Wow.
So, guys, we're just right back here.
Cary was kind enough to get us the VIP table.
So, Lance, are you still at Foot Locker? No, he's at Google now.
Hey, hey, hey, these the sibs? I think so.
This is Chase's new manager.
Streeter.
I've heard so much about you two.
Whoo, I mean, but I promise you I will take care of your little bro.
Yeah, sure.
He's a special dude.
He's he's talented, yet he's humble, also sexy, but he's a businessman.
He's 13, but an icon.
And girls are horny for him, yet they respect him, and he respects them.
He respects everyone.
He is everything to me.
He's my best friend.
Well, it's very nice to meet all of what you are.
Cary, Cary, come.
Hey, Vishant, I'm actually I'm not working tonight.
I just I wanted you to know I saw another gay film today.
It had way more sex than "Brokeback Mountain".
But I think I liked it better.
It was called "Cody Rides Tristan".
I think that was a porn, Vishant.
[glass dinging.]
I just want to say thank you all so very much for coming to celebrate Chase's big day.
Wait.
Where is Chase? Oh, yeah, that's my B.
I biffed it right out of the gate.
What happened? I just wanted to get his little body jacked up for the Kids Choice Awards.
He's presenting Best Kiss next month with Meghan Trainor.
- Ha.
- Yeah.
- He is? - Yeah.
So I told him he can only have, like, a dozen raw eggs for lunch, and he's lying on the floor back at the hotel room on a tarp.
Damn, Daniel.
- No.
- No, no.
- No, no.
- That's done.
But we can still celebrate my children who are here.
Because I'm equally proud of both of you.
To my Care Bear, who's working so hard at becoming an actor.
- Oh.
- I am an actor now, Mom.
I'm I'm acting.
And Brookie, my little dancing queen.
I haven't danced in 12 years.
And Lance, America's next top shoe designer.
Thank you.
You know what? I actually came up with three new ideas for shoes today.
One: laces on the bottom.
Two: shoes but invisible.
Three: edible shoes.
Wait, I'm sorry, so you just walk around in the shoes all day and then eat them? - Hell yeah if you're hungry.
- Oh, my God.
I wish it was still okay to say "retarded".
Ho, no, wait, mamacita, ChaseDream loves all people of all mental faculties.
- Jesus Christ.
- Yes, even Jesus Christ.
Oh, my God, Mom, I broke up with Lance.
- What? - Yes, two weeks ago.
Oh, honey.
- Are you doing okay? - Yes, I'm great.
I'm way better than I was before.
- No offense, Lance.
- What? 'Cause I finally get to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life.
I already decided that I'm gonna see 50 - States.
- States.
BOTH: States.
- I'm gonna travel.
- See 'em all.
I'm gonna drive across the country.
I'm gonna be a travel agent, travel writer, travel photographer, all the things, Mom - More wine.
- Because, you know, I'm free to be me, which rhymed.
I'm gonna be a rap, rap critic.
The point is, Mom, is that I'm rock solid.
- We both are.
- Mm-hmm.
Cary had a callback today.
- Cary.
- Hey.
Bravo.
Go, Care.
- Yay.
- It's really it's nothing.
It's just it's a commercial where I smell a fart.
Yeah, I just I just go, like Oh, that was good.
It was very natural.
Full disclosure: I just farted moments ago, so it's the eggs.
I do smell it now.
Anyway, the point is, Mom, we might not be the hot new twink or whatever, but all three of your kids are hot, equally successful millennials.
What? You guys aren't millennials.
- Yeah, we are.
- We Googled it.
- We looked it up.
- BOTH: It's 1982 and after.
- So that's - Well, actually, Chance is Gen Z.
- It's Chase.
- His name is Chase.
Yeah, what did I say? Brookie, honey, listen to me.
I don't care if any of you are famous as long as you're happy.
That's all that matters to me.
Okay, both of you, come on, come on right now.
I want you to give me a hug.
Come around the table.
- Mom.
- Right now.
- Ugh.
- I love you both so much.
But be careful of the studs, 'cause they're very sharp.
- Love you, Mom.
- Love you, Mom.
Love you too.
This hotel room is insane.
Look at all this shit.
These are all gifts from an adult to a child.
"Congratulations on your big hit.
"Think of me for your future projects.
Your fan, Debra Messing".
- Oh, Debra.
- Debra, no.
Hey, can I sleep with you guys? BOTH: Hey.
- Oh, come on.
- Yeah.
You feeling better? Yeah.
- I'm still kind of sick, though.
- Yeah.
We heard about all those eggs.
Mom said you got a callback for a commercial and it could maybe be on TV? I did.
I did, yeah.
That's awesome.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
Thanks.
Hey, did you have fun today? It was okay.
Streeter made them put makeup on my arms.
[chuckling.]
- [chuckles.]
- Did they look stupid? - No.
- No, no, no.
They looked gorgeous.
Are you excited to go back to Ohio tomorrow? Yeah, but can we hang out again next week? Like, in New York? Yeah, Streeter says I'm gonna be out here a lot.
I might do school online.
- Cool.
- Cool.
That's great.
Good for you.
I miss Dad.
Yeah, me too.
Okay, well, I think I'm gonna go to sleep.
- All right, bud.
- Okay.
[whispers.]
This is crazy.
[whispers.]
Oh, my God.
Is he gonna be, like, legit famous? - No.
There's no way.
- Yeah, no, right? I mean, how big could he really get? [dramatic musical flourish.]
[bell dings.]
[upbeat music.]
Girl since the age of ten I knew that I would spend My whole life with you 'Cause girl you're the cutest girl In the entire world And I would die for you 'Cause when we are together I could play forever I like your blue eyes and green dress My friends think I'm crazy But I was thinking maybe I wanna marry you at recess Uh-huh I mean, I don't not get it.
More than a couple we could be a team And together chase dreams Quick question: Does Mike character does he want to be at this party? Hmm, that's a good question.
Ethan? Um, I think you're just sort of, like, whatever, and then the fart.
Okay, did you get that? You're just sort of, like, whatever, and then the fart.
Great.