The Premise (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

What is comedy?
I'm just kidding.
What have I really
began the show like that?
Hi, I'm B. J. Novak,
I am so excited to welcome
you to my television show,
its called The Premise.
Every episode is different,
different cast, different story.
- Here we go.
- [MUSIC PLAYING]
Ethan Streiber is the kind of guy
who would do anything to be an ally.
He's about to find out
what anything means.
This is social justice sex tape.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I didn't do anything you were there.
What did I do?
- I didn't do anything.
- Hey!
[CAR DOOR SLAMS]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
This is an injustice.
You watched the season
finale without me?
OK. Well, obviously I
have a lot of work second
your associate gets
everybody's bitch work.
Hey, gunner.
Thank you.
OK.
Well, when Rayna gives
me one of my own cases
you won't see me for months.
Oh, it makes me deeply,
deeply happy to be
talking to donors like you.
I mean, my favorite part of my job
is actually talking to donors.
Are you kidding me? Oh, you know what?
I'm so sorry. I got to go.
Stacey Abrams has actually
just walked into my office.
Yes. The real Stacey
Abrams, can you believe it?
I'll tell her you said hi.
OK.
Bye.
Getting your salary gunner.
What's up?
Do you remember the Darren
Williams arrest in Bed-Stuy?
Charged with aggravated assault,
he says the cop tripped,
and fell on his own.
- Body cams were off
- Yes, I'm familiar.
Why?
What am I looking at?
- Wait a second, is that
- I know.
- Is that
- Yup.
- A sex tape?
- Darren Williams.
Have you ever seen
anything like this before?
I was referring to the context.
Who's handling this case?
A public defender.
All right.
For now.
- [LAUGHTER]
- We have to take this case.
Oh, God. No, no, no, no, no, here.
I wish we could take
all the cases, I do.
But for every case that we take,
there's the ones that we don't.
And do you seriously want to go up
against the cops with a sex tape
and a defendant that has a record?
You have 1,000 emails fighting
for your attention, why would
you want to lose on this one?
We no longer have the freedom
of having nothing to lose, OK?
Our reputation is our power.
Rayna, in my gut I know
that this is important.
I know there's been cases
I've pushed in the past but
this one is different.
I know we can win.
OK.
Fine. You think this
is important then you
go ahead and see what's there.
And if there is, first chair.
OK.
Yeah?
- I got this.
- You got this?
I'm going to take this tape
and get Darren Williams off.
That came out wrong, didn't it?
Get out of here.
Mr. Williams, my name is Eve
stone, I'm a lawyer at CRA.
We're a non-profit law firm and I'm
interested in taking your case.
I've been here for like
three months why?
Apparently there's a tape.
Like a security cam?
Not exactly.
- Is this you?
- No.
Wha What's wrong with you?
Why would you show me that?
I'm sorry. Obviously
I'm so sorry that
this part is this you?
Is that you?
Yeah. That's me.
Your lawyer told me
you're planning to plead.
I think we can take this to trial.
I'm a father facing 15.
See they don't make this
shit easy in here at all.
Darren I know that you're innocent
and I know I can prove it.
Have you done cases like this before?
I haven't led a trial before.
But there's never been
a trial like this before.
OK.
OK.
Where did you get the tape from?
Hey there, Ethan Streiber.
I don't know if anyone has announced me.
I'm here to actually
present some evidence.
- So
- That is definitely him.
He's here?
- Yeah.
- OK.
Hello, hello, hello.
- Hello.
- Hey there.
- Hi, Ethan.
- Hi.
I'm Eve Stone, and this is our
founding partner Rayna Bradshaw.
Lovely to meet you.
I know all about your
work. Can I just tell you?
You're as stunning as you are brilliant.
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
Come on in and sit down.
So let's start from the beginning.
Absolutely.
I grew up in Westchester and I
went to college at Middlebury.
I studied creative writing.
I did a bit of acappella with
the premier group on campus.
Ethan, sorry.
I believe she meant the
beginning of the tape.
Where the tape starts.
Duh! I live in Bed-Stuy which
is a very diverse neighborhood.
Gentrifying very quickly.
Well, not if I can help it.
Um it was a typical day for me.
I was getting home from a fundraiser
where I heard Evon Max Kennedy speak
which was so illuminating.
I was really pumped up so I got to work
amplifying important
voices and causes online.
After a grueling workout,
with a couple of pals.
I feel like I had earned a little break
so I decided to take
a stroll down memory
lane with one of our old romantic videos
we made back in March.
Sex
And the romantic video is
filmed at the exact date and time
- of the Darren Williams arrest?
- Exactly.
Who is my slam piece?
That's you baby.
[INDISTINCT NOISES]
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
Fuck.
And that is when you reached out to us?
Yes.
As soon as I finished watching
the tape I reached right out.
So when you finished?
And so I sent you the two
screenshots which are basically
Exhibit A, Exhibit B. They
completely exonerate Darren Williams.
Show those things, boom
case fucking closed.
- W Not exactly.
- I know.
I believe we're going to
need to see the video in full.
Yeah, for context.
Yeah, yeah.
That's no big deal.
Sure.
It's right on there.
Thank you.
We can just airplay it.
- OK.
- [AUDIO PLAYBACK]
That's it.
Have you agreed to do this, babe?
- Put on some music?
- Sure.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
You want it in there?
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah?
Just give me a couple of miuntes here.
- [END PLAYBACK]
- Wow.
Oh, goodness.
I'm sorry is that a lower back tattoo.
- And what does that say?
- Fat.
It says fate.
Oh, that's nice. Thanks.
It's the Fresh Prince photo.
Fuck yeah.
Can we maybe just
close the blinds first?
Oh, there it is.
Is that it?
OK.
Look.
He trips and falls and
Darren's hands are still up.
This destroys cops the entire narrative.
This makes the case.
This is it. This is amazing.
Wow, OK. Um.
So. so sorry.
Just for some clarity here, is this
going to be shown in court?
This video, like open court?
Oh, but don't worry, no.
People have seen worse. Seriously.
They see dead bodies, maimed bodies
Oh. Oh, rats.
I just remembered something.
You know how badly I want to help
but I don't have Vanessa's
consent to show this video.
And she and I actually broke up.
I don't think it's fair
to trigger her by bringing
this all up again and
I totally understand.
I will call her for you.
[SCREAMS]
Yeah, yeah.
Handled.
[AUDIO PLAYBACK]
Who is my slam piece?
It's you baby.
Yeah, do you like that?
It's just sex, right?
It's just the birds and the bees.
Do you know what I mean?
It's funny.
Porn gives people such a
distorted mental image of sex.
Right.
This is what it's supposed to look like.
Sure.
- She's in.
- Oh, fantastic.
- Great.
- OK.
- Contact him for us.
- OK.
Hey, maybe we could just play
devil's advocate for a second.
Darren Williams, he's a bit
of a complicated guy, right?
I mean, he's got a criminal record?
Well, you know he's an activist
and lots of activists
have criminal records.
Yeah. No, no, no, I have
absolutely zero issue with it.
I think it's great to have
a record. I ultimately wish
that I had a record. But I think
I'm just wondering what
the jury will think of that.
Oh, you don't have to worry about that.
We leave that to Eve.
Here's the thing, I can't believe
I'm even going to say this.
But everything I've
been seeing on the news
I don't know that this
is even going to make
that big of a difference.
I mean, do we even really
trust the legal system here
in this messed up racist country?
I mean, it's saddening to say
but maybe Malcolm was right.
Maybe the system is beyond saving.
Did Malcolm say that?
I've dedicated my entire
life to the opposite belief.
Even what happened to
anything for the cause.
Look I protest, I
donate, I march regularly.
Thank you.
I really believe in my bones
that Black lives matter.
They do.
It's just so much more
than anything honestly.
But
Ethan, I know you want
to make a difference
and maybe this isn't
how you imagined it.
But this is your chance to be a hero.
This is your chance to make a difference,
a big difference in a man's life.
Ethan, this is your shot.
And Ethan, you are not
throwing away your shot.
I'm not throwing away my shot.
I'll do it. OK.
Bravo.
We love you, Darren.
Hey, man I'm so sorry to bug you.
Um we actually haven't
had a chance to meet yet
but I'm just a huge
fan of your activism.
- You actually quote
- All rise.
All right, cool man. Thanks.
You may be seated.
[GAVEL BEING HIT]
Court is now in session.
You will hear sworn testimony
from two heroic officers
who survived a brutal
attack by the defendant.
And what will the defense
offer you, a sex tape.
Well, if that is all that the defense is
going to bring to the table then we
will be forced to pick
it apart frame by frame.
The prosecution and the
defense agree on one thing,
this case is all about the evidence.
What you see will shock
you, it will disgust you, but
if you are truly brave enough
to look really carefully you will see
something equally upsetting.
Injustice.
Ethan, the police report
states that Darren Williams was
on the corner of Wyeth
and Jefferson at 4:10 PM,
can you confirm the
location of your apartment?
Sure. I live on the corner
of Wyeth and Jefferson
um right above the world's best bodega.
Now you happen to have your camera
on recording on that exact
intersection at that exact time?
Yes.
Please prepare yourselves
for what you're about to see.
[AUDIO PLAYBACK]
I want you to focus on the
tramp stamp time stamp please.
We're in out about three minutes
when the church bells start
to ring and the metadata
confirms that it is 4:00 PM.
We can jump ahead to 13:32 and pause.
[AUDIO PLAYBACK]
If you could just zoom in even more.
Yeah just even deeper,
as deep as possible
on the incident on the
police incident please.
Thank you.
We see Darren Williams
4:10 PM on the dot.
Play please.
As you can see two
officers approach Darren
and while his hands are
still clearly raised,
the officer trips shattering
his own elbow contradicting
their own statement that
there was aggravated assault.
Now Ethan, does that look like my
client assaulting somebody to you?
Hard no.
This tape is unequivocal evidence
that the police lied about this incident
and continue to lie
about it to this day.
So Ethan, what led to your decision
to masturbate to this sex tape?
I guess I was lonely
and I had some work I
was avoiding doing so I was
procrastinating, I guess.
So the woman on the tape identified
as Vanessa Delacorte is um
well, there's really no other way
to say this much
more attractive than you?
Objection. Opinion not fact.
Overruled.
I'll allow it as fact.
Had you two had sex before?
Yeah, obviously.
And she willingly engaged in that again.
- Uh-huh.
- 7:47 please.
[AUDIO PLAYBACK]
I mean, you can see he is completely
missing her entire area there.
17:12, zoom in. Yes.
- And how old are you Ethan?
- Twenty nine.
Twenty nine years old.
And yet that is clearly the
scrotum of a much older man.
Left testicle almost twice
the size of the right testicle.
It's just really it's
just not adding up, is it?
Now you have a lot of Black friends,
- don't you Mr. Streiber?
- Yeah, of course. A ton.
Well, is it possible that
the man in the purple hoodie
could be one of your friends,
perhaps a fellow crisis actor?
Crisis actor?
Finally, tell us Ethan, what
is the name of the folder
that you keep this video in?
Unreal.
And what is the connection
of the content of Unreal?
That's album in my phone
where I keep all my
everybody's got that
place where they keep
all the stuff that gets you
- Fantasies?
- Yeah, yeah. Exactly.
That maybe never happened,
that are maybe unreal
Are they going to believe
this video was fake?
which is more likely?
A man who looks like this
who had sex with a woman who
looks like that in the most profoundly
bizarre manner or a millennial
incel who is so desperate to be
a hero to his progressive peers
that he might have fabricated
a deepfake that is exactly
what he says it is, Unreal?
So here's how we're going
to bring Darren home,
we're going to open up your
entire phone for everybody to see.
Every picture, every video,
everything you've ever searched.
We're going to call on your exes.
That's how we're going to paint a
complete picture of Ethan Streiber.
No, no. no. I'm just
feeling I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm feeling
uncomfortable. OK.
I don't like that I've become this
like white Savior figure in this trial.
I don't think that's appropriate.
This should be about you
ladies and Darren. Right?
I I just don't think that
I should be centered in this
narrative. Okay. I need to
just remove myself. Okay
Oh, God.
I feel so much better this
is the right move ultimately
I think. You know my e-therapist
keeps telling me I need
to listen to the physical
sensations in my body.
So you fantastic ladies are going
to return to doing
what you're doing best
and I will go back to
doing what I do best
donating, protesting, marching.
Ethan, no. All right.
We are in too deep to turn back now, OK?
Either you let us open
up the Unreal folder
and yeah it's embarrassing
or Darren Williams goes
to prison for 15 years.
It's time to pick a side Ethan.
Are you with us or not?
[MUSIC PLAYING] I now enter
into evidence the entire contents
of Ethan Streiber's phone.
Please brace yourselves.
I'm now opening the folder, Unreal.
Let the record show 47
homemade videos and 650 still
images and screenshots, some dating
back as far as seven years all
establishing a relevant pattern
that the sex you saw on tape
was consistent with his
behavior and proclivities.
I now call to the stand
Vanessa Delacorte, the woman
who appeared in the video.
Please proceed whenever
you're ready Ms. Delacorte.
It's difficult for me to be here today
and to expose this chapter
of my life to the public.
But I do it to shed light on an
important issue larger than myself.
How our society gaslights
insecure young women
that they should be with
white men who have nothing
to offer them but unearned
status, privilege, and arrogance.
I am here today to
tell the world I am not
the woman you saw on that tape.
Not anymore.
Thank you Ms. Delacorte.
Let's just get to it, shall we?
Did Ethan ever make you orgasm?
Never.
And would you be the type to fake it?
He wouldn't have noticed.
So could the screams on the
tape have been coming from Ethan?
He made more of a grunting sound
like a car that couldn't start.
Would you be so kind as to
demonstrate that for the jury?
It's soon, it's soon, it's soon
It's soon, it soon, it soon
It's soon, it soon, it's soon
It's soon it's soon it's soon
It's now.
A pattern emerges.
He did this thing with his arms.
This weird thing with his arms.
[AUDIO PLAYBACK]
A clear pattern.
And what songs did he play?
It was always the same song
Back That Ass Up.
We rarely made it past Back That Ass Up.
What did he call you?
He called me slam piece.
- Slam piece.
- Slam piece.
[AUDIO PLAYBACK]
- This is my slam piece.
- [END PLAYBACK]
So a pattern.
I am Ethan's doctor.
He has visited me for many
STD scares over the years.
Most imagined several real.
And yes this indeed is his real scrotum.
The man on the tape, is
the real Ethan Streiber.
I never forget a scrotum like that.
Thank you, Doctor.
No further questions.
Now, you're not a licensed
therapist, is that correct?
Right.
I'm a team member at your ecouncillor.
And you might have some insight
into Ethan Streiber's psychology?
Again, I'm a team member.
I handle a lot of people.
Well, I went through more than
10,000 of Mr. Streiber's tweets
and I just want to understand
the psychology and credibility
of that type of individual.
This one calls for
abolishing the police.
This one calls from our law enforcement
at a Tame Impala show.
Never trust the government, never
trust the pharmaceutical industry,
and then the government
is doing an amazing job
rolling out the vaccine.
You're an idiot if you don't get it.
This one says MJ is the GOAT, this one
says LeBron is the GOAT.
We can't have two GOATs.
And what do you all think of this one?
"Maybe more cops will go to jail if they
didn't put the stupidest
people in America on juries."
I shouldn't of taken this case.
Why did you want this case so badly?
It It just cut through my inbox.
You know.
There's two types of tapes
that go around, right?
There's the "stop what you're doing,
you have to watch this video."
And then there's the
"stop what you're doing
you have to watch this video."
I thought the people that
tuned these things out
might pay attention if it was
the kind of ridiculous video
they watch every day.
I had this big ridiculous dream
that I could change things,
that I could make a difference,
and I took this big swing
and now real people are
caught up in my mistake.
The jury just thinks he's a woke ally
or whatever he's not even that guy.
I get that you are supposed
to learn from your mistakes
but it is not fair that
people have to pay for mine.
You know what's funny?
No.
The worst this case goes
the more I believe in you.
What does that mean?
I can see your ambition.
I can see your heart.
You know
Sometimes pressure brings
out who people really are.
- I don't think so.
- [PHONE RINGING]
What's up, Dad?
Tom Brady after every game
he reviewed the game tapes.
See what went wrong, what
could have gone better,
look I just want to
say I'm proud of you.
You're going to get better to.
[PHONE RINGING]
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
It leaked. Oh shit.
Yo all the porn sites are shutting down.
There's no one going to trying
to beat their meat to this.
All of a sudden you get
home, hop on p-hub, they
got the social justice
category right above step up.
I love those guys.
I'm about to make this shit
light up Tik-Tok right now.
I don't even want to see a
dance move based on the shot.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Fuck.
I got a small penis on how
to plump it like a Reebok.
[LAUGHTER]
On the bridge he's
like, Black Lives Matter.
[LAUGHTER]
[SHOUTS]
A police incident. A sex tape.
And a highly unusual scrotum.
I'm Michael, this is the daily.
The tape leaked.
Who leaked it?
Your office had it?
Who would leak it?
W What the hell this turning into?
I didn't want to be a famous case.
- Darren.
- What?
I need you to trust me on this.
I got this.
Then get it.
How would the defense like to proceed?
Your Honor, the defense would like
to recall Ethan Streiber
back to the stand.
What the fuck?
Ms. Stone, you've already
examined this witness.
I know Your Honor and I would
not do this if it wasn't serious.
The defense believes the witness
may have perjured himself.
Very well.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Ethan do you know why I've called you
back up to the stand?
There's a pattern of discrepancies
between who you say you
are and who you really are.
You went to the women's march and yet
we all saw how you talked to Vanessa.
I'll strive to do better.
Under oath you said you had and I quote,
"A ton of Black friends."
Sick. Yes, I do.
Why would I apologize for that?
Ethan, can you name a
single black friend of yours?
Yeah. Can I, yes. Um
Joe.
Joe from my building.
Let's see FM, he's my
from the fund.
Ethan we have the entire
contents of your phone
entered into evidence.
Would I find either of
those two numbers on there?
I'm sure. On a group text maybe.
What about you? You're my friend.
Ethan I'm not your friend.
OK, you know what?
You know what? All I
wanted to do is help. Okay.
And everybody is just
everybody is just making
it impossible. Okay.
Everybody is dragging me for
not being a perfect person.
I've really done everything
I can think of to do.
I posted that black square,
I deleted that black square,
I reposted the black square, and then I
redeleted the black square.
And literally nothing
is ever enough. Okay.
And everyone on all sides is just
destroying me to show how good they are.
Well, how am I supposed
to get a job after this?
Hm? You ever thought of that?
How am I ever going to
get a date after this?
Do you realize how deeply
fucked up this is for me.
[GAVEL BEING HIT] Language.
No, no, no, no. This
system is fucked up.
You know what? Actually, actually
both systems are fucked up.
The justice system wants
to fuck people like Darren.
And the social justice system
wants to fuck people like me.
- [GAVEL BEING HIT]
- And I'm not perfect.
Did I ever say that I was perfect?
I am so deeply fucked up in
a myriad of fucked up ways
just like everybody
fucking in this room is.
But I try so hard.
I really try all the
time to do the right thing
but it seems like the
harder I try the more
I just get incessantly shit on.
So forget it.
I quit, it's all over, fuck
this court, fuck this system,
and fuck this woke bullshit.
[GAVEL BEING HIT]
The defense rests.
Witness dismissed.
It must be nice to be
able to get that man.
Has the jury reached a verdict?
Your Honor, the jury finds
the defendant not guilty.
- Yeah. Yes.
- [SHOUTS]
Yes.
[GAVEL BEING HIT]
Is that what it took?
Y'all wouldn't be here if
it wasn't for that tape.
Is that what it takes?
[LAUGHTER]
Is that what it takes like seriously?
Do these videos have to
be more obscene every time?
More shocking every time?
I just want to take this time
to thank my lawyer Eve Stone,
I want to thank the judge, I want
to thank the jury, the bailiff,
the stenographer, and Jesus.
I want to thank Jesus
- Sketch?
- The sketch artist.
I want to thank
I want to thank you all for
having to sit through all that.
Wow.
I got to thank my aunt,
she came through everyday
That's a great speech.
I didn't make it in but
Ethan, you know he's
grateful to you too.
You said I'd be a hero for this.
I didn't say you'd look like one.
This is just the beginning.
I'm never going to forget any of this.
While I have you attention, I guess
it really just comes down to this.
In the sex tape that is life always
remember there's probably
somebody getting screwed
even harder out of frame.
Wow.
And not everybody has a tape like this.
As a matter of fact, not
anybody has a tape like this.
[LAUGHTER]
Nicely done.
[MUSIC PLAYING]