The Ren and Stimpy Show s01e01 Episode Script
Stimpy's Big Day! / The Big Shot!
1 ( man ) Hey, kid, you want a toy ? Uh-huh, uh-huh.
How about a bike ? No.
A video game ? No ! Well, okay, you pick a toy.
Hmm, I want log ! Boy, oh, boy.
Yes, log.
All kids love log.
Log rolls down stairs alone or in pairs rolls over your neighbor's dog what's great for a snack and fits on your back ? It's log, log, log it's log, log it's big, it's heavy, it's wood it's log, log it's better than bad, it's good everyone wants a log you're gonna love it, log come on and get your log, everyone needs a log log, from "blammo".
( clattering, clanging & boinging ) Look at you, man.
You're a full-grown cat, still watching cartoons.
Why, you're 3 years old ! Do you know what that is in human years ? Oh, listen to me, man, I'm your friend.
Don't you know cartoons will ruin your mind ? Look what it's done to your brain.
( splash ) ( toilet flushing ) ( toilet handle rattles ) ( fanfare on T.
V.
) Eee ! Shhh ( man on T.
V.
) And now, kids, it's time for the Muddy Mudskipper Show ! ( Muddy Mudskipper theme music playing ) Who's the greatest mudskipper of them all ? Who can skip through the mud with the greatest of ease ? What kind of wonderful guy ? Who can crawl like a dog without scraping his knees ? Who's got segmented eyes ? It's muddy mudskipper, it's muddy mudskipper, it's muddy mud skipper show ! And now, a word from our sponsor.
The Muddy Mudskipper Show is brought to you by "Gritty Kitty Litter".
Friends, do you use Gritty Kitty Litter ? Then you know about its absorbency its fragrance it's like the smell of fresh bison ! ( splat ) It sticks to any surface.
It's great as a between-meal snack.
And how 'bout that wonderful feeling you get when you squish it between your toes ? So, remember, folks, if it doesn't say "Gritty Kitty", it stinks.
And now, for all you kiddies at home, I'd like to announce a contest ! We'd like you to write us a poem of 47 million words or less, telling us why you love Gritty Kitty Litter.
Whoever writes the best poem will win ( chattering ) $47 million, a lifetime supply of goat cheese, a 12-hour record set of the top hits of the '70s, but best of all, a trip to Hollywood and a guest appearance on the Muddy Mudskipper Show ! "Gritty kitty ain't so pretty, ( thinking ) But it's really thick.
" Well, you're out of your mind.
"It fills my cat box, oh, so snug "it always does the trick.
"I like to rub it on my toes "and squish and squish and squish.
"It never offends my tender nose "like a smelly fish.
"Its texture is a joy to me, "it's just as smooth as silk.
"It makes my little whiskers twitch it stays crunchy, even in milk.
Aah ! "It stays crunchy, even in milk.
"I may not be the president, I may not be the pope.
"But as long as I have gritty kitty I shall never mope.
" ( slurps ) Where are you going ? I tell you, these contests are a scam.
Nobody ever wins them, don't be a sucker.
But I wanna meet muddy mudskipper.
Oh, you ee-diot ! He's just a cartoon character, not real, not flesh and blood like we ! I'm telling you, cartoons aren't real.
They're-- they're-- uh, they're buppets ! Eee ! If you put that letter in the box, you're a bigger fool than I thought.
I'm telling you right now, you let go of that letter or I'm going to lose all respect for you.
Are you listening ? Oh, forgive me, Ren ! Please forgive me ! ( sobbing ) I could not help myself ! Nope, can't, won't forgive you.
Nope, nope, forget it.
No way.
( Stimpy ) Night, Ren.
( Ren grunts and grumbles ) Uh, listen, Stimpy, I, uh ( doorbell rings ) ( birds tweet ) Yes, what is it ? Are you Stimpson J.
Cat ? Oh, you want Stimpy.
Uh, he's in there.
Well, would you tell him he's won $47 million ? Right, uh, 47 million, I'll get him.
47 million dollars ! I'm the cat ! See ? I'm the cat ! ( ripping ) See ? I told you.
I'm the cat ! ( yawns ) What's up, Ren ? ( horn honks ) Nothing, rover, go back to your doghouse ! Congratulations, Mr.
Stimpy.
Your wonderful poem won first prize ! ( crash ) It's my money ! I wrote that poem ! Stimpy cheated ! I always use your stinky old litter.
Look how I love it ! ( crunching ) Mmm ! ( car engine starts ) ( car doors slam ) ) ( honk, honk ) Go on, get out of here ! Who needs ya ?! ( sobbing ) Muddy mudskipper ? I can't believe it, you're my idol ! ( gravelly voice ) Yeah, yeah, kid, I know, don't sweat it.
Someday you're gonna be big, bigger than me ! Stick with me, kid, I was once a lousy bum just like you.
I crawled my way up out of the mud to get where I am.
You wanna make it in this world, you gotta adapt.
Ever breathe oxygen, son ? ( gasps ) Good, don't start.
Me, I'm hooked.
Get it ? ( inhales ) Shut up ! ( man ) Five minutes to airtime.
Well, kid, this is your big break.
You're gonna be great.
Ya lousy bum.
( thumping ) ( squeaking ) ( slap ) ( blowing ) ( ding ) ( man ) There's a new face in Hollywood today.
It's fresh, it's redundant let's give him a warm welcome because his whole career depends on this next important message ! Well, I've been-- ( smack ) ( birds tweeting ) Oh, hello ! You're just in time for another one of my breakfast tips.
And what have we here ? A brand-new box of cereal.
And what's inside ? A prize ! Let's try a little experiment, shall we ? Get your hand out of that box ! How many times do I have to tell you ?! You can't open a new box until you finish the last box ! Do you think that money grows on trees ?! Do I have to-- sounds familiar.
Do you know how lucky you are we even have cereal ?! Why, when I was your age, we ate wood and rocks ! Hey ! Cripes, I'm late for work ! Remember, keep your filthy mitts out of that cereal box ! So when you're faced with this problem, do what I do.
First, get a big bowl and pour all the cereal in it.
Yes ! I can hardly wait to see what it is ! Joy ! It's a muddy mudskipper cereal bowl caddy ! Now, boys and girls, just pour the cereal back in the box, close the lid and it's as good as new ! Then you put it away and no one will ever know.
Join us again for more "Stimpy's breakfast tips".
Bye for now !
How about a bike ? No.
A video game ? No ! Well, okay, you pick a toy.
Hmm, I want log ! Boy, oh, boy.
Yes, log.
All kids love log.
Log rolls down stairs alone or in pairs rolls over your neighbor's dog what's great for a snack and fits on your back ? It's log, log, log it's log, log it's big, it's heavy, it's wood it's log, log it's better than bad, it's good everyone wants a log you're gonna love it, log come on and get your log, everyone needs a log log, from "blammo".
( clattering, clanging & boinging ) Look at you, man.
You're a full-grown cat, still watching cartoons.
Why, you're 3 years old ! Do you know what that is in human years ? Oh, listen to me, man, I'm your friend.
Don't you know cartoons will ruin your mind ? Look what it's done to your brain.
( splash ) ( toilet flushing ) ( toilet handle rattles ) ( fanfare on T.
V.
) Eee ! Shhh ( man on T.
V.
) And now, kids, it's time for the Muddy Mudskipper Show ! ( Muddy Mudskipper theme music playing ) Who's the greatest mudskipper of them all ? Who can skip through the mud with the greatest of ease ? What kind of wonderful guy ? Who can crawl like a dog without scraping his knees ? Who's got segmented eyes ? It's muddy mudskipper, it's muddy mudskipper, it's muddy mud skipper show ! And now, a word from our sponsor.
The Muddy Mudskipper Show is brought to you by "Gritty Kitty Litter".
Friends, do you use Gritty Kitty Litter ? Then you know about its absorbency its fragrance it's like the smell of fresh bison ! ( splat ) It sticks to any surface.
It's great as a between-meal snack.
And how 'bout that wonderful feeling you get when you squish it between your toes ? So, remember, folks, if it doesn't say "Gritty Kitty", it stinks.
And now, for all you kiddies at home, I'd like to announce a contest ! We'd like you to write us a poem of 47 million words or less, telling us why you love Gritty Kitty Litter.
Whoever writes the best poem will win ( chattering ) $47 million, a lifetime supply of goat cheese, a 12-hour record set of the top hits of the '70s, but best of all, a trip to Hollywood and a guest appearance on the Muddy Mudskipper Show ! "Gritty kitty ain't so pretty, ( thinking ) But it's really thick.
" Well, you're out of your mind.
"It fills my cat box, oh, so snug "it always does the trick.
"I like to rub it on my toes "and squish and squish and squish.
"It never offends my tender nose "like a smelly fish.
"Its texture is a joy to me, "it's just as smooth as silk.
"It makes my little whiskers twitch it stays crunchy, even in milk.
Aah ! "It stays crunchy, even in milk.
"I may not be the president, I may not be the pope.
"But as long as I have gritty kitty I shall never mope.
" ( slurps ) Where are you going ? I tell you, these contests are a scam.
Nobody ever wins them, don't be a sucker.
But I wanna meet muddy mudskipper.
Oh, you ee-diot ! He's just a cartoon character, not real, not flesh and blood like we ! I'm telling you, cartoons aren't real.
They're-- they're-- uh, they're buppets ! Eee ! If you put that letter in the box, you're a bigger fool than I thought.
I'm telling you right now, you let go of that letter or I'm going to lose all respect for you.
Are you listening ? Oh, forgive me, Ren ! Please forgive me ! ( sobbing ) I could not help myself ! Nope, can't, won't forgive you.
Nope, nope, forget it.
No way.
( Stimpy ) Night, Ren.
( Ren grunts and grumbles ) Uh, listen, Stimpy, I, uh ( doorbell rings ) ( birds tweet ) Yes, what is it ? Are you Stimpson J.
Cat ? Oh, you want Stimpy.
Uh, he's in there.
Well, would you tell him he's won $47 million ? Right, uh, 47 million, I'll get him.
47 million dollars ! I'm the cat ! See ? I'm the cat ! ( ripping ) See ? I told you.
I'm the cat ! ( yawns ) What's up, Ren ? ( horn honks ) Nothing, rover, go back to your doghouse ! Congratulations, Mr.
Stimpy.
Your wonderful poem won first prize ! ( crash ) It's my money ! I wrote that poem ! Stimpy cheated ! I always use your stinky old litter.
Look how I love it ! ( crunching ) Mmm ! ( car engine starts ) ( car doors slam ) ) ( honk, honk ) Go on, get out of here ! Who needs ya ?! ( sobbing ) Muddy mudskipper ? I can't believe it, you're my idol ! ( gravelly voice ) Yeah, yeah, kid, I know, don't sweat it.
Someday you're gonna be big, bigger than me ! Stick with me, kid, I was once a lousy bum just like you.
I crawled my way up out of the mud to get where I am.
You wanna make it in this world, you gotta adapt.
Ever breathe oxygen, son ? ( gasps ) Good, don't start.
Me, I'm hooked.
Get it ? ( inhales ) Shut up ! ( man ) Five minutes to airtime.
Well, kid, this is your big break.
You're gonna be great.
Ya lousy bum.
( thumping ) ( squeaking ) ( slap ) ( blowing ) ( ding ) ( man ) There's a new face in Hollywood today.
It's fresh, it's redundant let's give him a warm welcome because his whole career depends on this next important message ! Well, I've been-- ( smack ) ( birds tweeting ) Oh, hello ! You're just in time for another one of my breakfast tips.
And what have we here ? A brand-new box of cereal.
And what's inside ? A prize ! Let's try a little experiment, shall we ? Get your hand out of that box ! How many times do I have to tell you ?! You can't open a new box until you finish the last box ! Do you think that money grows on trees ?! Do I have to-- sounds familiar.
Do you know how lucky you are we even have cereal ?! Why, when I was your age, we ate wood and rocks ! Hey ! Cripes, I'm late for work ! Remember, keep your filthy mitts out of that cereal box ! So when you're faced with this problem, do what I do.
First, get a big bowl and pour all the cereal in it.
Yes ! I can hardly wait to see what it is ! Joy ! It's a muddy mudskipper cereal bowl caddy ! Now, boys and girls, just pour the cereal back in the box, close the lid and it's as good as new ! Then you put it away and no one will ever know.
Join us again for more "Stimpy's breakfast tips".
Bye for now !