The Secret Life of the American Teenager s01e01 Episode Script

Glad you're home.
I was worried you'd marched over a cliff or something.
Your dad went back to the office.
He dropped your sister at a friend's house to do homework.
If that band director wants to do all those fancy precision drills that go on for hours, he should just move to North Korea.
Seriously, that man is a nut.
Mom, no, he's not.
I dont know.
It just seems like a lot of hours to be spending marching around with a French horn going nowhere.
Nowhere? We could end up at state championships.
State championships? I made pot roast.
Your favorite.
You know, I could call up that Kim Jong Il wannabe and complain if you want.
By the time you get home, you barely have time to eat and do your homework, let alone have any fun.
You're only young once.
You should be having a little fun.
1x01 " Falling in Love " VO by : ¤ Team Subs-Addicts ¤ [Sub-way.
fr.]
[SeriesSub.
com.]
- Who? - Who? Mark Molina.
The new counselor? The new single delicious counselor.
That's it? You've got something more exciting than Mark Molina? I had sex.
- No, you didn't.
- With who? - You couldn't have.
- How was it? - Impossible.
- Back to who.
So, when are you gonna quit teasing me, Adrian? I'm hurtin'here.
The past two nights have almost killed me.
I can't take the stop and go, especially the stop.
- that's too bad.
- No kidding.
It's not good for a guy.
It's unhealthy.
Dangerous, even.
I heard of a guy who had to go to the hospital for that.
Permanently damaged him.
He's, like, sterile or somethin'now.
Well, I told you, I don't do it on the first date.
Or the second.
We've been out on more than a couple of dates.
Just dropping by my house when my mother's not home is not a date.
Well, I'll take you somewhere.
Tonight's the third date.
Fine, then.
Tonight.
What time tonight? Any time you like.
Hi! Hi, Grace.
That's a really nice name.
Grace.
Thank you.
Can we help you with something? I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have interrupted.
I just, I saw you and thought maybe you were going to the game together.
I wanted to invite you both to our church for a post-game celebration.
With the gym being repaired there's nothing at school, so we thought we'd try to invite everyone to our church.
We have a gym in the Youth Fellowship Hall.
There won't be a sermon, I promise.
Just music, dancing, and we always have really good food, and it's free.
To everyone.
We'd love to.
But, we can't.
See, my mom's out of town, so we're going over to my house to drink beer and have sex.
She's so funny, isn't she? - Funny? - Well, I'm sure she didn't mean that.
She was just trying to shock me, and it worked.
Really, could you come? You and Adrian could bring anyone you want, as many people as you want.
- Everyone's welcome.
- Will you be there, Grace? Hey, Joe, aren't you kind of an expert on Leonardo da Vinci? I'm an expert on a lot of things.
I hear the first report up in history is on the Yeah, da Vinci's war machines.
Sorry, but you're too late.
I'm already under contract to the football team.
So? You can still help me out, buddy.
No, I can't.
It's exclusive this year.
New counselor? Yeah.
Mr.
Molina.
Mister? Well, what's your first name? My first name? Well, you don't think anyone around here is gonna call you Mr.
Molina, do you? Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
- Well, good luck with that.
- Thanks.
Are, condoms still available through your office? No.
Yes, they are.
I hate that guy.
I hate him.
Look at him.
Now he's hitting on her.
Why are you so obsessed with Grace Bowman? OK, why are you so obsessed with Grace Bowman? Because she's Grace Bowman.
She's a goddess.
She's not a goddess.
She's a Christian.
You are not a Christian.
I would become a Christian if I could have Grace Bowman.
If by "have," you mean have sex with, that would be impossible.
She doesn't have sex.
She's not gonna have sex until she's married.
Especially with you.
Or you.
Even if you became a Christian.
Why wouldn't she have sex with me even if I became a Christian? 'Cause you're you, and she's Grace Bowman.
She's a goddess.
What are my chances with someone who's not gonna wait until they get married? your age are having sex.
Guys? - He's a guy, isn't he? - He's not looking for a guy.
What do you know about 15-year-old gals? obvious avoidance of the word "girls.
" That's encouraging.
Maybe.
Not.
have partners three to five years older.
All right, well, I've gotta start somewhere.
Where do you think I should start? Maybe there.
She's kinda cute.
Who is that? Her name is Amy.
She plays French horn.
She's in the band.
She's smart, she's nice.
She might be desperate enough to go out with you.
No one's that desperate.
You wanna bet? - Why does it have to be a bet? - Why not? 'Cause, one, you always lose, and, two, it objectifies Amy, who's a person, not a horse.
Three, because winning is an obsession with Ben, and he will stop at nothing.
It's a bet.
You have to give us something more than one night at band camp.
- It was nothing.
- OK, by "nothing," you mean what? It was not that great.
And by "not that great," you mean? I'm not even sure it was sex, OK, guys? Why not? I didn't exactly realize what was happening until after two seconds, and then it was over.
It wasn't fun and definitely not like what you see in the movies.
You know, all romantic and stuff? Maybe it wasn't sex.
Maybe you just had, like, a really bad dream, and you just think you had sex? Yeah.
Or maybe it was just a really bad guy that she had really bad sex with.
Come on, who was it? He doesn't go to this school.
It was just some guy at band camp.
I just.
I can't believe you didn't tell us.
Telling you now.
Yeah, well, whyareyou telling us now? No.
Amy, you're not.
That's the second bell.
I have to go.
- We can't just go to class now.
- Well, I have to.
I have to, too.
I'm in enough trouble as it is without skipping class.
I have to go.
- Hi.
I was watching you - Hi.
I'm happy you're so interested in the Youth Fellowship programs, but I'm afraid you've made me late for class.
So you owe me.
I'm expecting to see you and Adrian both there tomorrow night with all of your friends.
Hi, I'm Grace.
Hi.
Hi.
I was just wondering if you were going to the game.
We're having a party at our church after, and I would love if you could come.
Hey, you.
It's Amy, right? I'm just messin'with you, kid.
You don't think I could ever forget the night we spent together at band camp, do ya? Get out! I'm gonna puke.
Come on, let's get out of here.
I think I broke the school record for the mile.
I ran all the way to the grocery store and back in 15 minutes, and that is counting the weird, awkward stare I got from the old lady that rung all that stuff up.
Why are you two taking a test? They're for you.
I hope you drank enough water.
Don't use it all on the first one.
We wanna make absolutely sure.
I think the only way to be absolutely sure is if you go see a doctor.
I don't have that kind of doctor.
All I have is a pediatrician.
Do you guys mind? Here you go.
Thank you.
Welcome.
- Here you go.
- Thanks, hon.
What's that ring? I never noticed you had a ring like that.
It's a promise ring.
My parents gave it to me when I promised them I wouldn't have sex until I get married.
I know what a promise ring is.
I I just didn't know you had one.
Last night.
My parents and I had a long talk about you and me.
But I thought your parents were happy we were dating.
I thought they trusted me.
I'm a Christian.
I'm just as committed to abstinence as you are.
Besides, sexual purity in or out of marriage isn't a one-time vow, Grace.
It's a daily recommitment to God and his plan for us.
I know that and my parents know that.
And they're happy we're dating and I'm happy we're dating, because you are a Christian, and we do share a commitment to our faith.
That's why I had no problem making a promise to them.
When do you think we'll get married? If we do get married, and someday I do hope to marry you, in case I never said that.
I I do hope to marry you, you know, someday.
Well, I'm 15, you're 16.
I think it's gonna be a while.
I've got high school and college and I hope medical school.
How long is medical school, exactly? What difference does it make? True love waits.
But you don't have to be out of medical school before you get married, right? I mean, you can get married before medical school, before college, even.
Jack, we've talked about this before, lots of times.
I wanna be out of medical school before I get married.
My dad waited till he was out of medical school, and my mom waited with him.
OK, I know.
- Are you OK? - Yeah.
I'm fine.
Hypothetically speaking, and not that I'd even be interested in this.
I don't even know if it's a sinafter marriage.
But I have heard that some people have found that Excuse me if this sounds vulgar, but we have the relationship where I respect you, you respect me.
We can tell each other anything, right? Right, so just say what you wanna say.
All right.
Is oral sex allowed before marriage? I mean, if two people are committed to one another and in love with each other, would that be allowed? I don't know.
I'll ask my mother.
I'm kidding.
Kidding.
But you deserve that.
Of course it's sex, and you need to keep your mind away from those kinds of thoughts, Jack.
- I mean, what is wrong with you today? - I don't know.
Just This ring, it just.
I don't know.
It made me think about things.
And you know when you tell yourself not to think about something, and you just cannot stop thinking about that something? It's called willpower.
Pray I get some.
Pray I get lots of it.
Grace, I love you, and you are the most beautiful girl in the world, and and I'm not saying I wanna do anything right now, but waiting till you're out of medical school? You are gonna be fine.
We're gonna be fine.
We're gonna save what's meant for marriage, for marriage, and with the help of our lord and savior Jesus Christ, we'll make it, Jack, through high school and through college and through medical school.
I love you.
Hello.
Hello, Jesus freaks.
Are you done here? I need a place tosit.
Sure.
Please, sit down.
We were just leaving.
I think I'm just gonna stay here for a minute.
But convince Adrian to come to our church party after the game.
- It's Adrian, right? - Yeah.
I overheard a little of that.
So, you two, you don't Interesting.
I just want in the band.
I love music.
I've always wanted to play an instrument.
Those uniforms are insane.
Those epaulets? Who came up with those? You're not trying to get out of gym, are you? Gym? I would get of gym if I joined the band? Does one have to do with the other? Both are considered physical activity.
Well, I know some students in the band who are engaging in a lot of physical activity.
The drummer.
Others, not so much.
Never mind.
Just sign me up.
You know, Ben, I think it's very admirable that you'd like to learn to play a musical instrument.
However, I think you're lying about your motive.
I think you want in the band for some other reason than your love of music.
What? Ha.
Lying? Mark, we've gotta talk.
You're the counselor.
You're new here, and obviously you're new at the job.
Am I right? According to my records, you're new here, too.
You're a freshman, right? Good research.
You're absolutely correct.
Just tell me why you want in the band.
I've been rejected by the French horn player, a certain Amy something or other.
Therefore I've decided that I'm in love with her and cannot live without her.
Ergo, I must take up an instrument and join the band.
So what do ya say? Not that I don't relish the opportunity to climb the ropes and jump over the horses in gym, but love calls, and I must answer.
So this whole thing is motivated by rejection? To be perfectly honest, Mark, it's all motivated by the fact that I'm 15, I'm a virgin, and if I ever want to have a sex life, I've gotta start somewhere.
And my advisors have advised that I start with this band chick.
First-year band students beginners'band is in a different class.
It's not even in the same period as marching band.
So if Amy, the French horn player, is already in band, a change in your schedule is not gonna help you out.
How long would it take to learn to play the cymbal? I don't know, but I think it's calledcymbals, and as easy as it looks, I would think you'd still have to learn to read music so you'd know when to smack 'em together.
Fine.
I.
I'll do it.
I'll learn how to read music.
How hard can it be? If Blind Lemon Jefferson can do it, I can do it.
Let's get that meeting scheduled as soon as possible.
Why do you even have to be in the band? Why can't you just call this woman up and ask her out? Because, as you mentioned earlier, now I kill two birds with one stone.
I get a shot at the chick, plus I get outta PE.
Hey, but if you can take a compliment, I think you're making progress.
I like the suggestion just to call her.
Now, I'm not a phone guy, but I like that you'd suggest something so practical and personal.
You might just do well here.
I'll find you after I've set up the meeting.
I'll look forward to it.
- Could I have a condom? - For what? You're gonna need to know what a condom's for if you're gonna make it at this job, Mark.
Get outta my office.
I'll find the band director.
Life stinks.
Well, it's kinda funny considering we're in a bathroom.
Well, what are we gonna do? We? Amy, we're in this with you.
We're there for you, and anything you want us to do, we'll do it.
Yeah.
Just what do you want us to do? I don't think there's anything anybody can do, Madison.
I mean, I'm the one who's pregnant.
My God.
Can't believe I'm old enough to use the word "pregnant" in a sentence, much less actually be pregnant.
Jeez.
OK, look.
I'm just gonna say this one more time, and then I'll shut up.
I think you should see a doctor, because that's what it says on all three tests, to see a doctor.
Yeah, well, maybe doctors make them put that on the box so that they still get paid for an office visit.
Or maybe they put that on there so you can come in early enough, so that way you have options.
- Options? - Well, I mean, if you don't really wanna have a baby at 15.
You better not be suggesting she get an abortion.
I'm not suggesting anything.
I just think you should see a doctor.
And I would go to a doctor before you go to whoever this guy is.
There may be something else wrong with you that's making you test positive for pregnancy even though you're not pregnant.
Like the monkey pox or a flesh-eating virus.
That would be a relief.
No, no, no, it would.
She's right.
I'm calling my doctor.
You're calling? Don't you think your mother should do that? You don't think I'm telling my mother about this do you? You have to.
Either you're sick or you're pregnant.
- She's gonna find out sooner or later.
- Why? Because, she'll either die or have a baby.
And I hate to point this out, but somebody's gotta get that doctor bill.
No, they'll just bill it to the insurance.
Your parents will see the insurance.
Wait.
What if you tell your parents that you had to write a paper at school about some woman that you admire, the only person you could think of was your pediatrician? Since she hadn't seen you in so long, she went ahead and gave you a checkup while you guys talked.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's a good idea, except it's a lie.
OK, would you stop freaking her out, OK? She's a woman doctor.
She's gonna help her.
She'll understand.
Yeah, maybe.
Look, I'll go with you.
We'll go right after school.
Sshoot.
I have yearbook staff right after school.
Did I tell you I got on the yearbook staff? No, but congratulations.
I can go after ballet.
It's OK.
I'll go by myself.
I should probably go alone.
All right.
Why do these people think there's something wrong with a belly button? It's not like everyone doesn't have one.
I mean, I have one, they have one, you have one.
Personally, I don't see the big deal if it shows.
It's not like anyone else is covering their buttons.
They're supposed to.
It's in the dress code.
Yes, Mother, but no one pays attention to the dress code.
Not until today, when I get hauled into the principal's office and asked to put on a sweatshirt.
Why should I follow the rules if no one else does? I'll tell you why.
I don't wanna get another call from the principal's office and neither does your mother.
We don't like being embarrassed by our 13-year-old daughter who insists on dressing like a streetwalker we take our hard-earned money to buy you decent clothes that meet the dress code requirement.
Forget the school dress code.
We have our own dress code.
Didn't just break the school's rules you broke our rules, rules of good taste.
What are you trying to prove, that you're not 13? You're 13.
That you're sexy? You're not sexy.
Do you know what sexy means? It means you're ready to have sex, and you are not ready to have sex.
Neither of my daughters are ready to have sex, and you two will not be ready to have sex for a long time.
A long, long time.
Maybe after you've been married a couple years.
Wanna make sure it's gonna work out first.
Heh, funny.
Am I right? He's right, although I doubt you get your father's permission even after you're married.
You're right.
Right about what? Showing my bellybutton means I wanna have sex? Do you have to be such a geek and ruin everything for me? Hey, your sister's not a geek, she's a nice girl, and you know what? Boys like nice girls, so why don't you start trying to look a little nicer and be a little nicer.
Amy, are you feeling OK? You don't look well.
Yeah.
No, I'm fine.
I'm just a little tired.
Bless this time we have together as a family and know we are grateful for each other.
Thank you for your many blessings and let us always remember to share with others, giving the same love and respect to everyone that we'd give to one another.
Amen.
Amen.
- Thanks for dinner, Mom.
- Thanks for dinner, Mommy.
- Thanks for dinner, baby.
- You are welcome.
How'd it go at school today, Grace? Youth fellowship party.
Any takers? No one said they'll definitely come, but I think they will.
Am I going to the party? Your mom and I aren't even invited to the party, Tom, so I tell you what we're gonna do.
We're gonna go to the game, stop by and rent a video, and then we'll hang out here all night tomorrow.
That's right.
We'll get some popcorn, maybe even I'll make your favorite brownies.
How's that? That's OK.
I wanna go to the party.
I think you should go, Tom.
The party's for everyone.
You can ride over with Jack and me.
Jack won't mind.
He might mind.
Besides, I don't think we'd displaying the trust we have in you if we make your older brother your chaperone for the evening.
I do make a good chaperone.
Yes, but she does not need a chaperone.
Your sister made a promise, and we know she intends to keep it.
Why does she need a ring? She needs a ring to remind other people that she made that promise.
Like Jack? It's not about Jack.
No.
This is about all boys, including Jack.
Tom, why don't you go to the party for a little while, then your mom and I will pick you up afterwards.
What do you say? - Better than nothin'.
- Yeah, better than nothin'.
Sooner or later, I think you're gonna tell me why these sexual conquests make you feel like a man, because I know you know why you do this, and I know you know it's not gonna help.
We go down this road every week, and then we hit a brick wall.
Having sex with as many women as you can is not gonna make you feel any better, and I think it's making you feel worse.
Aren't I supposed to tell you how I feel? You been coming here enough years to know I'm not that kind of shrink.
Come on, tell me how you feel.
I feel like my my frickin'father stole my childhood and dumped me in another family and said, "You take him.
I don't want him.
He's damaged goods.
" I like the way you started out, although I'd love to hear a little more anger in your voice, because you have a right to be angry, because your father did steal your childhood by sexually abusing you, but he didn't dump you anywhere.
Gigantic hand of social services reached down and plucked you out of a deplorable situation and placed you in a family that doesn't see the damage.
They see the potential, and hey love you, and I know you love them.
But it's the loving yourself I'm trying to get you to come around to.
I thought you were trying to get me to come around to not having sex with every girl I meet.
Can you see how these two things are related? Can you see how you're constantly fighting to prove your masculinity all because your father was some sick bastard? Can you see how you have it within your power to not let what he did have anything to do with who you are at this point in your life? I'm not sure I wanna see it.
How do you feel about that? I feel like you don't wanna see it, because you think if you do, you'll lose your otivation for having sex.
Without constant indiscriminate sex, you'll be a new person, a better person, a person you might actually like, even love.
I got some bad news.
I love myself constantly and indiscriminately, too.
And worse news our time is up, and I got a date.
No.
You were late.
You have ten more minutes.
Hi, Ricky.
Jack.
Yeah, I know who you are.
The guy that's not having sex with his girlfriend.
What can I do for you? Yeah, that's still sex.
I told you not to make a bet with him.
You really think it's gonna be so difficult to get Amy to go out with you that you have to join the band? One she probably go out with me anyway.
Bt this way, I look like I'm the kind of guy who'd probably do anything for a dame, and two, it gets me out of gym.
And three she may think you're stalking her, which may seem romantic to you, terrifying to her.
Four don't use "dame" outside your close circle of friends, which is us.
Come on, call her.
I'll call her.
I don't wanna call too early.
I don't wanna look too anxious.
Dames don't like that.
What time's the game start tomorrow night? Seven.
Home field.
Good.
I won't have to leave work early.
You don't have to go.
Of course we're going.
We're not gonna miss seeing you march in your first high-school halftime.
Thought you didn't like marching bands, and you hate football.
- But I love you.
- I don't have to go, do I? Yes.
Can I talk to the two of you alone? You have to talk to them alone about something? Like what? Finally decide to wear a bra? Ashley, why don't you get that? It's probably for you.
Must be serious.
She's sitting down.
Why the long face, sweetheart? For you.
It's a guy.
You have a boyfriend? Is that what you're trying to tell us? - Hello? - George, give her some privacy.
See, I told ya.
Boys like nice girls.
Come on.
Ben? No.
No, I'm sorry.
I don't remember.
Father, forgive us for our many sins, for not being strong when temptation leads us astray.
Give us the strength to do thy will, especially when it's much easier to give in to the pleasures of the flesh.
Let us not be distracted by the women who are here to lead us into situations that would lead us straight into hell and destroy our souls forever, but to cheer us on to victory.
Their short skirts, tight sweaters and hot bodies.
Say something about winning and make it snappy! Yes.
Help us focus on our game, though difficult that may be, and lead us into victory.
Amen! 1- we are the Lancers.
2- a little bit louder.
More, more, more, more.
You should go.
You're great.
So are you.
Sure you don't want anything? No, thank you.
Thanks for coming out with me tonight.
My dad's quite the driver? I've been training him to keep his eyes off the rear-view mirror so we could have a little privacy.
This is kinda my first date.
Yeah, it's kinda my first date, too.
I don't like what I'm hearing.
What are you hearing? Idiots falling in love.
- Ben? - Yes, Ben.
- One the first date? - Yes, on the first date.
How often does that happen? I think the technical term is once in a blue moon.
You seem a little nervous.
Am I making you nervous with all my nervousness, because I'm nervous.
No, no, I'm OK.
Really.
I think so, too.
You're OK, Amy Juergens.
Even more than OK.
You're good looking.
You gotta be smart to play that French horn.
- How long you been playing that thing? - Third grade.
Why French horn? I don't know.
I guess I was too small to carry the tuba? Funny, too.
What a dame.
Dame? Will you excuse me, just for a sec? - How's it going? - What are you guys doing here? What do you think we're doing here? We're spying on you.
- So? - So this is a really stupid idea.
- Why? - Because I'm pregnant.
Not in the church gym.
OK, so are you gonna go out with him again? Until he finds out I'm pregnant, or till my parents find out I'm pregnant, then he'll never wanna take me out again, and I'll never be allowed to date again.
OK.
So, here's what we were thinking.
Wait.
You and Madison were thinking the same thing? Yeah.
Can you believe it? It's because it's the perfect plan.
You date Ben, you get Ben to fall in love with you, then you have sex with Ben, then you tell Ben you're pregnant, then you marry Ben.
See? Problem solved.
It's possible.
You said he joined the band to be with you, right? So obviously he already likes you, and I checked him out.
He's an only child, and his family has money.
So? So? What are your other choices? Why are you staring at the drummer? The drummer's in the band.
Anybody who's in the band can go to band camp.
No.
No.
Amy, not him.
Please, no.
You better watch out.
I think the drummer's looking at your French horn player.
He's the one who better watch out.
I'm taking over his territory.
The majorette? The percussion section.
I'm taking to the cymbals like a duck to water.
You think that's gonna impress Amy enough to Enough to fall in love with me.
- So it's love you're after.
- Yeah.
Kinda surprised myself.
Should I take it to mean you won't be needing a condom? Hey, save that talk for your office.
It's the first date.
Be cool.
Be cool? I am cool.
I hate that guy.
No, he saw you staring at him.
Now he's coming over here.
- Good, 'cause I'm gonna kill him.
- Madison, don't say anything.
Don't you say anything, either.
Don't tell him.
Just stick to the plan.
Ben's more likely to marry you than he is.
And you do not wanna have bad sex for the rest of your life.
Hello, ladies.
What's with them? So, Amy, was that your date I saw you with? You like that guy? He's not your type.
Head Do me a favor.
Dance with Grace's brother so I can dance with her? The only one Amy's dancing with is me.
I'm surprised you dance, what with your having no sense of rhythm and all.
See ya at band practice.
I think someone feels threatened.
So, you dance? - not really.
- Either do I.
How hard can it be? How many students do you think are having sex? High-school students - You sure know a lot about sex.
Yeah, it's kind of a hobby.
You been talking about sex since the third grade.
Wouldn't you rather have a hobby of having sex? No, I'm fine just dancing.
Yeah.
Hey, Tom, why don't you check outside, see if Mom and Dad are here yet.
So where's your boyfriend? He stepped outside to get some air.
Where's your girlfriend? Adrian? I don't know.
Hi, Jack.
Where have you been? I had to go home and change.
You didn't think I was gonna wear my majorette uniform, did you? - What'd you tell him? - Who, Ricky? Yes, Ricky.
What'd you tell him? Nothing.
I told him I got tired of him waiting to call, - so I went to get something to eat.
- So you didn't tell him - about us? - Did you want me to? Look, it was a mistake.
I don't know what I was thinking.
- It was a sin.
- Please.
You're not gonna get all Christian on me now, are you? I am a Christian, and I'm a man.
I just don't know how to be both right now.
I'm lost.
Well, you didn't look lost last night.
Look, I am so sorry, Adrian.
- I took advantage of you.
- OK, stop it.
No one takes advantage of me.
And no one does anything they don't wanna do.
Pray with me.
Pray that God forgives us, because God does forgive us when we do something wrong, even something as wrong as we did.
- I don't think we did anything wrong.
- Please.
God loves you.
Even if you're not a Christian, God loves you.
Pray with me.
Are you sure that's what you really want, Jack? You want God to love you? Are you sure you don't want me to love you? Grace! Grace! Grace!