The Unremarkable Juanquini (2020) s01e01 Episode Script

1
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
Welcome to the Great Juanquini Show!
Hello, how are you? Good afternoon.
How are you, kids? How are you, boys?
Where are the girls?
And, most importantly,
where are the magic mommies?
Hey! Don't hide, daddies. Don't hide.
Nothing bad is going to happen to you.
Tropical magic.
All right, welcome
to a magical afternoon
with the Great Juanquini!
Everyone in place. Target located.
What a beautiful audience!
Assistant, please, hand me the coin.
This is a magic coin.
We're going to take it with this hand
and cover it with our fingers.
Now, with the power of our minds,
we'll teleport it
from this hand to the other.
Abracadabra!
And now it's in this hand.
The coin is in this hand.
That trick is a farce, you bore!
This is our great future.
Children are the world's future.
Tropical magic!
What's up? How are we doing?
Bad! Bad! Bad!
Captain, the target is still here.
I'm going to give the order to go in, man.
Wouldn't it be more prudent
to wait till the kids are gone, Captain?
In five minutes, I give the order.
We're going in!
I never liked kids anyway, man.
Get ready!
Assistant, now hand me
the magic blindfold, please.
The what?
Assistant, the magic blindfold,
the one under the hat.
- I brought it from the Far East.
- Dad
It's under the hat.
- Dad, I'm telling you
- Honey, the blindfold.
Sweetheart, the blindfold!
I had to bring it,
and I had to exchange it
I've been
What's wrong?
What's going on?
Here's the magic blindfold.
Who wants magic?
Do something good, you dumbass.
That's the kind of audience I like:
interactive and demanding.
You have to leave right now.
- Police?
- They're close.
And when it rains, it pours
I'll put the blindfold over my eyes
You're the worst!
Go away! Go away!
- No, no, no.
- Go away! Go away!
- You're up in ten minutes.
- Juan.
- Ready to knock it out of the park?
- Mónica, what's up with him?
I don't get why you're so mean to me.
Tell me!
What will we do with that boy?
Would you mind telling me
when are we're leaving this tacky party?
I feel my time slipping away.
Okay.
Relax, relax.
Honey, they're teenagers.
Be patient.
What's up? Are we ready?
I don't know what happened, Captain.
The target vanished.
What do you mean?
I don't know. I can't see him.
I told you those damn kids
were going to bring us bad luck!
You destroyed every part of me
When you left
You didn't care that you were taking away
All my hope
Oh, the pain
You left me with my sorrow
You tore apart
Every part of me
We kind of got off with it, right, boss?
Who hired the magician
for the kid's party?
I don't know. The wife, I guess. Why?
I need to know everything, absolutely
everything about that Juanquini.
Is there a specific reason?
Just because!
Because I want to and because I can!
Don't ask, just do as I say!
I need to know everything. Who he is,
what he does, what he likes,
what he finds funny, what he hates,
if he's happy,
if he has friends, if he's sad,
if he cries, what his family is like,
what his wife is like, if she cooks.
Everything. Absolutely everything.
The business is basically
carrying and distributing
Luffa cylindrica in the United States.
You want to start doing
some shady business?
Why do you say that?
Why do you assume the worst of Luchito?
What did he ever do wrong?
Mrs. Margot, you surprise me.
Besides, do you know
what a Luffa cylindrica is?
It's the scientific name
of the sponge gourd.
You want to export sponge gourd?
- Yes, it's the perfect product.
- It's natural.
It's 100 percent natural,
it's biodegradable, an astringent,
self-sustainable, and besides
It's natural.
No, that's not it.
It's 100 percent Colombian, Mom.
Think of this.
Anyone who takes a bath must use soap.
And everyone who uses soap
must rub it in with something.
Thant's why this product will turn us
into billionaires in less than six months.
Matías, what do think of this,
my love? What do you think?
Are you serious?
- Matías is very intelligent.
- But he's a cat.
He's much more than a cat.
Don't tell him that.
Matías!
All right. Never mind.
Let's go back to the topic.
You must be wondering
why you're sitting there.
- We want to partner up with you, Mom.
- Partner.
For that, we need the first injection
of capital for the business.
After that, we'll take care of everything.
Let's have faith.
Go ahead and hang up on me again,
so I call you back,
and you hang up on me yet again,
and we keep it up like that all night.
Would you like that, princess?
Or else, I know where you live,
so I can go pay you a visit
and we can have a coffee Hello?
Sami, girls need to breathe.
Give her some space, some time.
No. Without her
I'll die.
My soul will dry up.
Mónica, you know perfectly well
that the savings we have in this house
are for your and your brother's education.
Why do you think people study, Mom?
They study to earn a degree.
And why do they want a degree?
To find a job.
And why do they want a job?
To become billionaires.
We're going to skip all those steps.
We'll be saving
the most important thing: time.
Which we don't have.
That's why we're going to ask your dad.
What do you think?
Oh, no. He will say no.
You know perfectly well
that Dad has no vision.
Why are you so unfair, Mónica?
Your dad has worked hard to support us,
and you and your brother
never wanted for anything.
And how did he do that?
With piñatas and second-rate tricks
like the one today?
Mom, Dad is a mediocre magician!
You can't get anywhere in life
with that kind of mentality!
Mediocre.
SECRETS OF CONJURING
GREAT DISAPPEARANCES ON STAGE
FLOATING BODIES
- Will you not have dinner?
- No, thank you, sweetheart.
I'm not hungry.
I want to stay here
and work for a while, okay?
I left some food in the oven for you.
Thank you.
But don't be too long. You need to rest.
No, don't worry.
Come on, Matías, stay calm. Don't bite.
You have nothing to worry about.
It's a mere act of magic.
To make something disappear on stage
has always been my greatest wish.
And my greatest failure.
Maybe Mónica is right. I'm serious.
To date, I haven't been anything more
than a mediocre magician.
Relax, nothing bad is going to happen.
And you know what? Thank you.
Believe it or not,
you're helping me gain self-confidence.
From now on, you're my best friend.
Abracadabra!
Magic.
Abracadabra!
Matías. What went wrong?
There it is.
It's written there.
Damn it, Matías.
Matías?
Matías?
Matías.
Matías.
Look, Samuelito, me not liking the cat
and me hurting the cat
are two different things.
All right. I'm going to give you
one more chance.
Where is he?
I don't know! I don't know.
It's not my cat.
Where is he, murderer?
- Psychopath!
- A murderer, that's what you are.
- Come on. Where is he?
- I don't know.
Tell me or I'll set the house on fire.
- I don't know!
- Where is he?
- Tell me where he is!
- Margot!
Hold on. What's all this yelling
this early in the morning? Please!
Matías disappeared, and I'm sure
this weed-haired block is to blame.
Let's show some respect.
Explain to me what she did to him.
I don't know. But I'm sure this harpy
made Matías disappear.
Mrs. Margot, could you tell
this millennial vampire
that I have far more important things
to do?
Okay, kids, let's relax
and go find him together.
No, no, no! What for?
Cats like to wander. It's all normal.
Good morning, my boy.
Good morning, princess. Good morning.
Sometimes they go away
for a couple of days.
It's normal.
But they always come back
to where they are loved.
- Loved and cared for.
- Mom
I've lived in this house
with Matías for two years,
and every single day, every single one,
Matías wakes up next to me. Every day.
There it is!
And they wonder how come the poor cat
hadn't run away before!
He needs us.
I heard him meow this morning.
He makes that noise when he's sad,
you know it.
I looked for him everywhere,
all over the house,
and I couldn't find him, but I heard him.
I have an idea!
How about breakfast?
Family!
He's over here. Matías?
Nuts! He's nuts!
LOST - MATÍAS
CONTACT 3234589764
Hello.
Hello, I need to talk
to the magician Juanquini.
Yes, who's calling?
Someone who needs
to hire him for an event.
Yes, good afternoon. I'm Margot Bocanegra.
I'm Juanquini's wife and manager.
I handle all his bookings.
Where and when is the event?
We offer a multidisciplinary show,
and we're not exactly cheap.
A multidisciplinary show?
Yes, we complete the magic show
with a young singer-songwriter
who has beautiful songs
and very meaningful lyrics.
Look, we only need the magician.
Yes, but it's either the whole package
or nothing.
Okay, then tell me your conditions.
That's all right.
Tell the magician and the whole package
that I will be expecting them
around 1:00 p.m.
at the address that I'll send now.
Great. Thank you very much.
It's done, Mr. Heriberto.
With all due respect
I find it strange that you want to have
that magician at that party. Why?
Is he that good?
Let's say he's just what I need
for a plan I have in mind.
So that he can explain
something that happened to me.
If everything goes according to plan,
the magician Juanquini will get a surprise
he never saw coming.
Sorry. Sorry.
Captain! Captain!
We found out that Ñato Orduz is throwing
a huge party, the old bastard.
He's going to go all out, Captain.
They're celebrating that two years ago
they made a shipment to the US.
- Imagine.
- Good, damn it! Very good!
Tell me we have the damn coordinates
to the party.
Yes, there they are.
What do we study them for?
Great. You and I will handle this quietly.
We won't tell anybody
until the very last moment.
- Understood?
- Okay, great.
- No. Not "okay, great."
- No?
- Okay, excellent!
- Excellent! Yes!
Now he says he has lost his inspiration
and he wants to slit his wrists.
- Again?
- Yes.
He suffered two great losses
simultaneously. His girlfriend
- What do you mean "two"?
- Well, Matías is still missing.
Life is shit. That's it.
And today we have a show.
What am I going to do?
Don't worry about that, Mrs. Margot.
I'll stay with him.
- I'll take care of the poor guy.
- Hold on.
You think you're getting out of it
that easily? No, honey.
Go get ready because
this is a family business,
and here we all do our part, all of us!
Coming! I'll get it!
The sponge gourd is here!
- How are you, Juan? Sorry.
- How are you?
- Mona, we're here!
- No!
Yes, ma'am!
Five thousand of them brought directly
from Palmira, baby.
- Did you count them? One by one?
- Of course.
- Mónica. What did I say about this?
- Don't worry.
You don't have to give us a dime.
They're giving it to us on consignment.
Whatever we don't sell, we send back.
No, but where will I keep
five thousand sponge gourds?
That's nothing to worry about, Mom!
Don't you see this business
will make us rich?
Anyone want to tell me
what's going on here? No, right?
One, two, three!
Five thousand sponge gourds
from Palmira, honey!
JUANQUINI
AND HIS WONDERFUL MAGIC SHOW
Let's get to work.
You must be Juanquini
and the whole package.
- Mr. Quiroz.
- Yes. Did you get here all right?
Yes, fine. It's quite far, isn't it?
As they say:
"Where the wind blows and takes a turn."
You three, stay here. You, come with me.
The boss wants to say hi to you.
Follow me, move along.
It's okay. Everything will be fine.
Stay with him.
Mr. Juanquini! Welcome!
- How are you?
- Fine. Better by the minute. Look.
- I'm a big fan of yours.
- Thank you very much.
How was the ride?
All right. There was
a little traffic at first
Excuse me, your name is?
- Ñato.
- Ñato.
To be honest, I wasn't expecting
this type of party.
You know? I don't see kids anywhere and
If you want me to, I'll go. Tell me where
they are. I'll put up the piñata.
I'll do some tricks and disappear.
There are no kids here.
The only girls you'll find here
are these two cuties.
You will die today, magician
but of happiness.
I'm throwing a hell of a party!
Make yourself at home.
This magician is fucking great.
He's the best.
Quiroz, offer the man something to drink
and see if he needs anything.
No, I came here with my family.
You came here with someone?
Entertainment is our family business,
and we always work together.
Look, magician
Welcome, all of you! All of you! Cheers!
Cheers!
You're going to reject my drink?
Have fun, magician.
That guy looks just like my father.
The same bearing, the same demeanor.
How I miss my daddy, for God's sake!
Thank you!
Why live?
If I don't want to live anymore
Day by day, everything loses its color
Its color
I discovered love does no longer exist
Samuel.
Life is shit
- You'll sing that for the first time here?
- No, it's a work in progress.
Life is shit
Beautiful. Very nice.
Rubbish
Why live?
I don't know why Mónica insists
on those funny businesses
when she should be producing you.
You're a gold mine.
Everything loses its color
And it's
Mónica wants me to sing reggaeton.
Reggaeton? No, not reggaeton.
Your music is meaningful.
It has a message, Samuel. And that
What happened?
We are next.
St. Juan Bosco, please
Give me your magic.
Here it is. Here it is.
Sir.
Mr. Quiroz.
- Can I ask you a question?
- What do you want?
Well, I'd like to know when we are up.
They had told us our show
was scheduled in the afternoon.
When Andy Rivera is done.
And how long will that be?
Because that guy has sung
the same song eight times.
What can we do if the boss likes it
and we have to wait until he gets bored?
I like it. I like it.
I think it's a very nice song. I love it.
We all love the song.
All of us.
- It has rhythm Tropical rhythm.
- We really like it.
It's the same song over and over.
- Attention, Peloefique, attention.
- The road is clear.
- How far?
- We're 30 minutes from target, Captain.
Roger.
My friend! Thank you
for that beautiful, touching song.
I don't want you to leave.
No! No one leaves!
Maybe I feel like listening again to
Any problem with that?
No!
Right. If he doesn't behave,
we won't get him the Grammy.
Friends, partners, ladies, I want
to introduce to you someone very special.
A man full of artistry,
strength and good energy.
I present to you the wonderful Juanquini!
Put your hands together, damn it.
Juanquini!
Behave. I'm going to make a call.
Tropical magic.
Where are the daddies?
And the mommies
The respectable ladies.
All right, we're going to begin
with a simple trick.
Assistant! The coin!
Assistant? Thank you.
Here we have a magic coin.
We're going to take it with this hand.
And now with the power of our minds,
we're going to teleport it
to the other hand.
So, Captain? How do we approach them?
We're going to let them get
a little more drunk, and then we go in.
Learn, Ortiz.
I'm not going to be around forever.
Yes, sir.
Tropical magic.
Listen, you idiot!
Do something worth our time!
Yes I like that!
An interactive and demanding audience.
Do something worth our while,
or you'll leave here in a coffin,
you mediocre idiot.
- Samuel.
- You better respect me.
What's going on?
I'm not mediocre!
Magic is an art.
Perhaps you don't understand it.
But you can't come and sabotage me. No.
There are people here
who are having a good time.
You better
You better tell that babe
to take her clothes off.
Yes! Come on!
- That's it! Enough!
- Hold on!
You came and took us for fools,
did a crappy trick,
and you're just going to leave?
Yes, Dad. We're leaving, right?
- What do you want me to do?
- Something to amaze us.
But you're drunk. You're all drunk.
- Who's drunk?
- You're drunk.
Either you do something
that makes our jaw drop,
or we do target practice with you.
You think you scare me?
No, sir. No, my dear friends.
No, no, no. I come from North Jardín.
I'm not a coward.
Who authorized a shooting?
Boss, that magician is terrible.
Your wife is terrible!
- Oh, yeah?
- Stop, calm down. Let's all calm down.
Show the magician some respect.
He's an artist,
and in this house, we respect art.
But you said our jaws would drop,
and he hasn't done anything.
I'm not going to let him rob you
just like that.
The show was just starting.
Look, magician. The people here are more
demanding than what you are used to.
I need you to help me out.
But what do you want me to do?
Show them your talent, please.
You are masterful. Do something shocking.
Yes, I'm masterful.
And I have a shocking trick.
But I don't know if you will have
everything I need for it here.
- You know?
- Master, we have anything you need.
Just wait and we'll get it for you.
- No
- Yes, master. You know we will.
I will help you.
- Yes, come on, master.
- What do you need?
Move along.
Thank you.
Bad! Bad!
Now!
Master, I'm sorry I couldn't get the box
you wanted, but I had this in the back,
in case someone misbehaves.
No, that's okay. It's not
the exact material, but it will do.
Mediocre!
Calm down, all of you!
The master needs to focus.
Quiet, please! Be quiet!
Master, the stage is yours.
Tropical magic.
I'm going to make someone disappear
from this coffin.
For that, I need a volunteer.
- No!
- Me!
- Could be a woman, could be a man
- Me, me, me! Master, master. Here!
You?
Am I not good enough, you fool?
No, no, no. Of course.
Let me hear it for the volunteer!
All right! All right, then!
- Now, we will close the coffin.
- Here we go.
This will take a lot of concentration.
Hey! Please make me disappear
because I can't stand my wife anymore.
See you Monday, guys!
Concentration!
Assistant.
What the hell are you doing?
I have no idea. They're going to kill us.
Calm down. Let's calm down.
Let's both pray.
Juan Bosco, father and master
of all the magicians in the world
Are you ready? We're going in.
I'll follow your lead.
Concentration!
Abracadabra!
He did it!
Bravo!
Bravo!
Tropical magic!
Bravo, bravo!
Now bring him back!
Bring him back! Bring him back!
- Bring him back!
- Concentration!
Quiet!
Abracadabra!
- What happened?
- What happened?
No, as I had told you,
the material is not the same.
So, in those cases, the volunteer
stays in another dimension.
They can't get out.
There's no other dimension,
no more tricks.
Bring the boss back right now.
Bring him back! Come on.
Concentration!
Assistant.
You have to bring that man back, Dad.
They're going to kill us.
Let's breathe. Princess, let's breathe.
Let's calm down.
How long is it going to take, sir?
Patron saint, what did we say?
What did we say?
Come on.
Boss!
Tropical magic!
Bring him back now.
Everybody, stay still!
Now, now, now!
Freeze!
Everyone to the floor!
- Come on. Come on.
- No! No!
I have nothing to do with this.
Get down on the floor! Come on, now!
Nothing?
- Nothing, Captain.
- Let go of me!
- Did you look thoroughly, man?
- Yes, every nook and cranny.
We set up a three-kilometer perimeter,
and we haven't found him.
People say this guy made Ñato disappear
right before we came in.
- I can explain.
- He says he's a magician.
- Are you kidding, Ortiz?
- No, it's true.
- A magician?
- Yes, sir. Yes, officers. A magician.
The girls that were livening up the party
made a video.
We can analyze it.
I only came because I had
a professional and artistic commitment.
My name is Juan Morales.
They know me artistically
as Magician Juanquini.
We do piñatas, first communions,
baptisms, birthdays, anything for kids.
And we have discounts
- for the Federal Police.
- And who hired you?
Quiroz, a guy named Quiroz.
My wife handles the bookings.
So the sergeant here is right.
When we started with the operation,
you made Ñato disappear?
Exactly. And today was the first time
I tried that trick.
Congratulations. It was a success.
- Isn't that right, Ortiz?
- Yes, congratulations.
And the missing person? Where is he?
I don't know.
Something went wrong.
I don't know what happened,
but I couldn't bring him back.
Bring him back? From where?
I don't know.
Let me get this straight, you clown.
We're supposed to buy that silly story?
I swear on my family,
what I love the most in my life.
Believe me. I swear.
Now what? What are we going to do?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Subtitle translation by Maria Belen Bustos