The Warriors (2017) s01e01 Episode Script

1 WOMAN: Right, let me just (CHUCKLES) All right, name? Zane Phillips.
Height and weight? 187cm, 90 kilos.
- How's training? - Yeah, loving it.
22 of you will make the first team.
22! That's it! MAN: Hey, Mrs Van X.
You doing interviews again this year? - Yes.
- Oh, this is my year.
I'm making that 22.
Good to go.
Okay.
- Name.
- Scottie Watson.
The Big W.
You're tall.
Yeah, yeah.
Dad used to say I was tall enough for two arseholes, so (CHUCKLES) That's a joke.
I'm not sexually harassing you.
So have a look.
There's gonna be a lot of cuts.
A lot of cuts.
But you don't want to be the one.
Will it be the guy near you? Will it be you? Name? Maki.
- And surname? - Birrawuy.
Height and weight? Not sure.
Big enough.
Gonna need to get some beef on those bones, eh? - (CHUCKLES) - (LAUGHS) - Where are you from? - Up la home.
- Yeah, where's that? - Warmun, East Kimberly.
Come on! Today's the day.
Only 22 of you! - Doc Shepherd.
- Hey, Deb.
(CLEARS THROAT) - You ready? - Yes.
Last year you were voted second biggest scandal.
Disappointed? Yes.
Yeah.
Um, I really I really should've gotten first.
I'll try harder this year.
Don't think about it tomorrow! Today is the day.
Are you scared about making the 22? You kidding? Look at me.
Is everything going okay? Yeah, good.
I'm just trying to, um, fit in, you know? How's your living arrangement going? Yeah, it's goin' real well.
Yeah, Doc Shepherd's looking after us.
So, we're just heaps lucky to have a legend like him in the rookie house.
You're living in the rookie house this year? Yeah.
Yeah, not by choice.
Maybe you should have thought of that earlier.
How are you settling in to the rookie house? Yeah, good enough.
But the footy's the easy part.
You gotta want this more than anything you've ever wanted! Come on! Show us what you got! Do it! Run! Harder! Brownlow or grand final? The Most Valuable Player.
Which would you rather win? Brown Nah.
Grand final.
Grand final.
I have a Brownlow, Deb.
Brownlow.
No doubt.
Weave like a Warrior.
Come on, let's go! (GENERAL HUBBUB) (CLAP HANDS) Okay, a bit of shoosh, boys.
Bit of shoosh.
Well done out there today.
Well done.
Now, there's someone here I'd like you to listen to.
She's the most important person you're gonna hear from today.
Mrs Van Exel.
Make her welcome.
Looking fine, Mrs X! It's called working out in the off-season, Meat.
You should try it sometime.
Now, you older guys know this but I am the one who saves your arses when a nasty story is printed, even if it is true.
But just because I save your arse, doesn't mean I wipe it.
You are grown men.
Or some of you.
So act like it.
Tomorrow is Media Day and we are introducing our newbies to the wolves.
- Boring! - (LAUGHTER) And we are making a big announcement, something that even you might be interested in, Meat.
So please dress accordingly.
- Tie? - Did you wear a tie last Media Day? - Yeah.
- And the one before that? - Yeah.
- So what do you think? So a tie? She giving you a hard time, boys? Just let me know and I'll sort her out.
I'm only joking, only joking.
All right, boys, this year I want to start on a positive note.
I do not want our name in the press because of rooting or bare arses or chickens.
So if you want to run around like a bunch of camp dogs, you can piss off out of my club.
Now, where's my number one draft pick? Monday morning I want to see you on the front page, holding a Guernsey and dancing.
Bill, you cannot make him dance! Oh, don't take me literally.
Would you dance, though? All right, forget it.
I retract the question.
Come on up here, son.
Right, everybody knows what we're wearing, so we will see you at the MCG at 3:00pm tomorrow.
We got these cards.
They've got words on 'em.
Say 'em.
Make it good, okay? And this, this is worth more than we're paying you, so don't lose it.
(WHISPERS) Keep it secret.
Club's depending on you, Maki.
TSI, TSI Throw your hands to the sky TSI, throw 'em high TSI, let's rock Come on! TSI, throw 'em high Take it back on the run for a helluva time A helluva grind Ow! I'm very happy to be associated with a club that has such a long and proud history with the Australian people.
Australian people? Such a long and proud history with all Australians.
Some will rise, some will fall, some will win, some will lose The show must go on Makin' sure what's now but I can't slow down The show must go on Some will rise, some will fall, some will win, some will lose The show must go on "It's one of the oldest clubs in the country" The show must go on Your skills manifested from a feeling I was born to Aren't we supposed to wear a tie? - I don't know.
- Should we knock? No, whoa, whoa, whoa, bro! - No, no, no.
- What? Why not? What if he's whackin' off? What? He's not.
- (KNOCKS ON DOOR) - Yeah, but You don't want to interrupt the man who kicked a ton in his rookie season while he's feeding the chooks.
Why he got chooks? No, Maki, he doesn't have chooks.
Look, we gotta go.
They need us there at 3:00.
(KNOCKS ON DOOR) Doc? We need to establish a wanking protocol.
In my last house, we put a sock on the doorknob.
You know, let the boys know you're ripping the head off What are you 10? Look, he's not wanking.
He's probably visualising, like a boss.
- (KNOCKS) Doc? - (SNIFFS) - (SIGHS) - (KNOCKS) No, no, no! Shit! Doc, you ready? We're gonna be late.
See? Doc, aren't we all supposed to wear a tie? - Nah, I'm right.
- Yeah, yeah, he's right.
Come on, girls.
Can Youse can Youse tell this is a clip-on? What's in the box? Uh, they said it's meant to be a surprise.
What, like a big announcement or something? Oh, come on, Mak.
What's in there? - Nuh.
- Give us a look.
Nah, nah, nah.
- I don't want to say this.
- Here's some advice, bro.
One word soundbite.
Have a few prepared.
You know, just in case.
Man, you gotta have game, on and off the field, that's what I always say.
Play well and present well.
Where you going? Oh, I'll just, uh, be a few minutes.
- Why don't you come on in? - Doc, we'll be late.
- BOY: Red.
- SCOTTIE: My favourite colour too.
- And black.
- That's a cool fire engine.
Choo-choo! Gonna put the track there? (SIGHS) Hey, you could put a 1920s smokestack on a '62 Baldwin engine.
Am I right, Knox? Look, a soundbite is your 10-second quote the media always want.
If they say, "How do you feel the game went today?" You say something like, you know, "We stuck to our game plan.
"We were lucky enough to get the win.
"But full credit to the opposition, "'cause they really pushed us all the way.
" (WOMAN MOANS, FURNITURE THUMPS) First a wank, now he's doing the horizontal bop.
I didn't know Doc had this much testosterone.
He's not 16, you know.
Imagine what he could do if he held it back.
But the most important bit is, Mak, is everything you do is for the fans, okay? That train looks pretty cool, mate.
Oh, almost forgot.
You have the utmost respect for women.
Players who screw that up get crucified.
Okay, let's do this.
We're gonna be late now.
You know, we could sometimes do this in a less rushed way.
- Rushed is fine.
- Okay, rushed it is.
See ya, mate.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER) Deb.
Deb! Is that dickhead here yet? Uh, there are a lot of dickheads here, Bill.
- Can you be more specific? - The one bringing Maki.
One fuckin' thing.
(CLEARS THROAT) Can I have your, um Oi, oi, bit of shoosh, bit of shoosh.
Shut your pie holes.
(WHISTLES) Um we're not quite ready, boys and girls.
There's plenty of free piss and it's all top shelf, so I mean, I can't even pronounce the names.
That's Well, it's mid-shelf stuff.
MAN: Oh! What do you care, Kenny? You're the biggest bloody soak in the room.
So get into it and very soon we'll have the exciting part.
- (FEEDBACK WHINES) - Stick around.
Tim! Tim, that was just banter.
This is the good stuff.
Would you like some? What I'd like, Deb, is your number one draft pick holding up a Guernsey with my name on it, and the fans remembering it the next time they need a screwdriver.
- Mm.
- Where is he? Oh, he's on his way.
How many members do you have now? We are looking at 40,000.
How many do you have? 15,000.
If you're not getting numbers, I'm not getting sales.
40,000.
DOC: Hey, boys, just it's just in there.
Oh, bloody hell! What the fuck? It's locked? Yeah, I'm not surprised.
We're so late.
Shit! Okay, okay.
Look, we'll find another way in.
Hey, guys.
Look.
Down here.
Hey, hey, guys, I don't know where that goes.
Oh, okay, sure.
Why not? Where the hell are we going? I think there's a door up here.
Over here.
Fuck.
Hey, where the hell are we? Oh, I know this place.
It's the sports museum.
(DOOR CREAKS) Oh, shit.
Scottie, don't close that door! (DOOR SLAMS SHUT) Sorry, Doc.
Country boy, mate.
On a farm, you see a gate, you close it.
Well, you're not on a farm anymore.
Well, we'll just have to find another way out.
Well, why don't we call Deb, tell her where we are? You wanna call her and tell her I got lost in the MCG? (SCOFFS) Fuck no.
All right, all right, here's the plan.
I'm gonna go by myself, find another way out.
You guys stay here.
I'll come back for you, okay? No point in us all getting lost.
I'll be right back.
- And Scottie? - What? - Don't touch anything.
- I wasn't! Hey, boys.
Arghhh! (LAUGHS) Stop it, Scottie! Don't do that.
You're frightening, man.
Look how creepy these photos are.
Is that a corset? Could you imagine playing in that? - What are the badges for? - Oh, what? No idea.
- Brownlow.
- Brownlow.
All right, mate.
Don't worry.
You can get one after me.
Get in the team first, bro.
Maki, check that out.
He was the man.
Legend.
One day, bro.
There's no reception in here.
Oh, mate, look at that.
Whoa.
Oh! Hey, Maki, you reckon you can jump that high? Bro, this place is amazing.
They're like gods.
Oh, come on.
Come on, bro.
(RATTLES DOOR) Shit! Oh, fuck off! Oh! (SIGHS) (PHONE BEEPS) (PHONE RINGS) Where the hell are you?! Deb, Deb, Deb.
Look, we're lost.
Somewhere (VOICE CRACKLES, ENGAGED SIGNAL) Doc.
Doc! (GROANS) MAKI: This club has always been an Aussie Rules mainstay and, uh Oh, far out! (WHIRRING NOISE) - Oh! - Hi.
I'm Peter Bedford.
I had the privilege and pleasure of playing 186 games of AFL football.
I was lucky enough to win the 1970 Brownlow Medal, which was the first televised one and the last time the medal was presented on the oval.
- (WHIRRING NOISE) - G'day.
I'm Nicky Winmar.
Hey, what Na! I was named All-Australian in '91 and 1995.
I won the Mark of the Year in 1992.
Come a bit closer.
I won the Best and Fairest twice, came runner-up twice for St Kilda Footy Club.
I came over at the age of 21.
I was gonna go back to Western Australia 'cause I was homesick a lot, but I stayed, played 12 years with St Kilda.
So get out there, you kids.
Go and enjoy your footy while you still have the opportunity.
Always be number one and look after yourself.
Oh.
That was kind of spooky.
It was like he passed it right to ya.
- Yeah! - Come on, it's not personal.
He's a hologram.
He gives that advice to every kid that comes in here.
Nah, he did pass it to me.
Look here! Mr Shepherd wanted me to bring this out when I talk.
(EERIE MUSIC) - Whoa! - Oh, my God! - What's that? - That's possum skin, bra.
- It's the first ball.
- For what? Footy.
Blackfellas used these back in the day to play marngrook.
It's what Aussie Rules is based on.
Man, not many of these left.
It shouldn't be in a box.
Nah, I don't think we should touch it.
It's ours.
It's ours, brother.
Can I hold it? Well, what you reckon? That's deadly.
You've only ever been an assistant coach.
You were fired from your last job.
Have you got an answer for those who say the worst team in the league are crazy to be placing their hopes in you? Looking forward to proving them wrong.
Okay, what about this, then? How are you going to inspire these boys to greatness when they find out you're only signed on here to spite your old club? Well, that's not true.
Well, first whiff of a better offer, you're gonna be out the door.
If Dicky calls you tomorrow, offers you your old job back, you gonna take it? It's a brand-new day.
- You heard from Doc? - Uh, no.
You know, sometimes sometimes I think it's a cruel joke.
The wrong sperm fertilised his egg.
The good ones got elbowed out of the way and I got left holding a man-sized baby.
ZANE: Boys, this way.
(WIND WHISTLES) Whoa.
Whoa.
(DISTANT CHEERING) Oh, thank fuck! Mak, this is for you, bro.
Right, boys, that's where we've gotta be.
Right? It's over there.
Come on.
Let's go.
Yeah, it's a sight, isn't it? Come on, cut across.
Hey, pass it here.
- What the hell's this? - Sacred ball, bro.
Marngrook.
Take it in, lads.
Just saying, the next time you're here (ECHO) there's gonna be 100,000 footy-mad lunatics screaming your name.
Screaming so loud you can't hear each other.
Screaming that you're either a god or the devil.
(KUNGA KUTJU BY FRANK YAMMA AND PIRANPA PLAYS) BILL: where you can actually express yourself.
I've got two busted phalanges, Jonno's got a broken hip, as far as anyone knows.
Anyway (ABORIGINAL SONG) Throw it here! Mak, Mak, Mak, Mak, Mak.
Have a crack, son.
New kid on the block.
Have a shot.
Go for it, Maki.
Game's in his hands.
You've got it, bud.
(EMOTIONAL MUSIC) (WOOSH) The sacred Marngrook! What the fuck, Mak? DEB: Hey! Hey! Come on! Everybody is waiting! "Shouldn't be in a box," he said.
Maybe we can fix it with something.
You got some glue or? Seriously? Couldn't be helped, Deb.
We got lost.
- Oh! - We killed the Marngrook! Oh, j-j-just go.
No, wait, Scottie.
Tie.
Thanks for trying, bumpkin.
My name's Scottie, not bumpkin.
And yet you turn up wearing a clip-on.
What do you think this is, bush week? Hey, sorry.
I was on point when we left.
Okay, just, uh, just tuck the shirt in and, uh, keep the jacket shut and smile a lot.
No, you look good.
- How are you feeling? - Nervous.
Okay, you got the cards? Right.
Just read them.
Come on! Go, go! Go! BILL: At least go and see that the others are ready, will ya? You're an hour late! Oh, relax, Dad.
You'll give yourself a stroke.
Listen, smartarse, you're only still here because I pulled strings.
The board wanted you gone, boy.
The deal was, you live with the kids, you look after them and get them to things on time.
But you can't even do the simplest fuckin' thing right.
Yeah, yeah.
Look, excuse me, but I've got a speech to make.
Yeah.
(MUTTERS) (GENERAL HUBBUB) MAN: Okay, Mr Meat, if you give me a big smile on one, two, three Yeah, righto.
You pissheads drunk enough yet to write something good about us? - Almost.
- Okay, down to business.
It's a new year, and there is nothing wooden in our future, I can guarantee you that.
So let me introduce our two new draft picks for this season.
Our number five draft pick, Zane Phillips.
(APPLAUSE) - You got a word for us, bud? - Yes, I do.
I am very happy to be associated with a club that has such a long and proud history with all Australians.
(APPLAUSE) And all the way from the Top End, please give a great club welcome to our number one draft pick, Maki Birrawuy.
(APPLAUSE, WHISTLING) Go, Maki.
And I'm told Maki has a very special announcement for us.
Piece of piss, mate.
You'll be right.
Hello.
(ALL CHUCKLE) How are you finding the big smoke, bud? Pretty good, mate.
Doc's just trying to teach me how to be a man, like him.
- (LAUGHTER) - That sounds dangerous.
What's your favourite thing in Melbourne so far? The sacred ground of the G.
I just been out there and it's more amazing than than I ever thought, eh? Um I was supposed to say these words but I have a better idea.
What the fuck is he doing now? Is he taking his clothes off? Well, where's my bloody box? Hey? Where's the ball? You mob don't know what this will mean to my mob.
I am very happy.
For the first time a club from Melbourne is joining one of my old club from the Kimberley.
Today, this club, your club, my club, OUR club, will be known as the Warriors.
(APPLAUSE, WHISTLING) Two parts of one land.
Two proud clubs.
One deadly game.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE) Scottie.
Scottie, what's that in your hand? It's the sacred Marngrook.
You ranga git! That's my ball! You wanted 40,000 members, Tim? It looks like he just got you 10,000 in one night.
Cheers.
Fucking footballers.
And here he is, Wally the Toolbox.
Ah, Tim, come this way.
Photo opportunity for everybody.
Jump on the stage.
Guys, big smiles.
All right, girls.
Thanks, everyone.
All right, everyone, big smiles.
Warriors! Say Warriors! - ALL: Warriors! - Warriors! (KUNGA KUTJU BY FRANK YAMMA AND PIRANPA CONTINUES) Media in here today.
But whatever you do, don't read your own press.
'Cause if you believe the good, sooner or later you're going to believe the bad.
You gotta be careful of those leeches, okay? Why? What do you mean? They're just trying to get a story and they'll do anything to get it.
You're clickbait.
They posted the video.
Check it.
Saw it when it happened.
I'm not famous.
I'm just a blackfella from the bush.
That little shit! I need you to do this, Maki.
Yeah, bro.
Just do it again.
Look.
I'm worried about what I said to Maki.
Have we put too much on him too early? Maki's head needs to be right or we won't be winning any games this year.
If he wants warriors, we'll give him warriors.