TLC (2002) s01e01 Episode Script

1
[Yawns]
"Dear Grandma. Thank you for
the engraved stethoscope. It's lovely.
I've used it lots
in my first week as a doctor.
I'm on call again tonight.
Even though I'm a new boy, the nurses
on the ward seem very friendly"
You'll do just fine, Dr Flynn,
if you remember
the first rule of being a doctor.
Always do what the nurses say.
"Dr Noble is the surgical registrar.
He's great too.
He's been here three years and he says
he'll teach me all I need to know."
Now the first rule of being a doctor
is never do what the nurses say.
"I’m a bit scared.
Two weeks ago I was a medical student
and now I've worked 60 hours
this week already.
I just find it really hard
to stay aw
[snoring]
[I We've Gotta Get Out Of This Place]
Right, Mr Copperfield,
this won't hurt one bit
because you're dead.
I don't want to practise emergency
procedures on dead patients.
OK, we'll just use live ones.
If you're that confident,
No. Let's use the dead one first.
Great! Me and you
are gonna have fun.
The greatest medical
pairing since, ooh
Burke and Hare?
Exactly. I'll be Dr Hare
and you can be Dr Right.
The emergency treatment
of a tension pneumothorax.
Mr Flynn, let's start your finals exam
with a basic life-saving procedure.
Imagine this patient has
a right-sided tension pneumothorax.
Mark where you would insert
a Venflon needle
through the chest wall
to re-inflate the lung.
Um Second intercostal space
in the mid-clavicular line.
And how would you insert it?
Quickly and firmly.
I can buy you a new pen.
I said a right-sided pneumothorax,
not the left side.
You'd have just punctured
his remaining good lung and killed him.
The retakes are in six months,
Mr Flynn.
[doctor] Flynn.
Flynn!
Where do you stick this
to treat a pneumothorax?
Um, second intercostal space
in the mid-clavicular line.
Bull's-eye! Have a go, then.
- Have to do it with your eyes closed.
- What?
This is the NHS. You might have
to do it during a power cut.
[screams]
Mmm. In medicine we try not to get
too attached to our patients.
[groans]
[moaning]
[Flynn] "Grandma, I really feel
I'm at the sharp end of medicine.
[sighs]
I just need to learn
to keep cool in a crisis.“
- [beeping]
- [woman] Trauma team to Casualty.
Oh, God!
Car crash with blunt chest trauma.
No breath in the left lung.
A left-sided tension pneumothorax!
Oh, shit!
Sister Hope, a brown
Venflon for Flynn stat.
- All yours.
- The pointed end goes in the patient.
[gasps]
A power cut!
I can't see the patient!
Just do it, Flynn!
Hyaaah!
Great shot, Flynn!
Where are your clothes?
Where's yours?
- This is another anxiety dream.
- Yes.
Aw! Why are your clothes still on?
Wrong type of dream.
- You're gorgeous.
- [phone rings]
- You'd better answer that phone.
- Phone?
- Phone?
- [phone continues ringing]
What? An arrest on Hannaford Ward?
Oh, God, this is real.
Um, tell them Dr Flynn
is on his way.
[Flynn] "Don't worry, Nana,
it's a great hospital."
I can walk.
"It may seem tough, but the reward
is getting patients back on their feet."
- Sorry!
- [groaning]
"Lois of love, Dr Flynn.
PS. I'm sure
it will all get a lot easier."
[groans]
- [flatline tone]
- Nice lie-in, Flynn?
Sorry, I was having
these weird dreams
Save it for the coroner.
How long have we being going?
10 minutes longer than we should have
This is meant to be
a resuscitation, Dr Noble,
not an aerobics workout
for my staff nurse.
OK, Sister, I'm calling it.
Time of death, 3.20am.
Now would be a good moment for us
to say a little prayer for the deceased.
Um, Flynn, you're Catholic?
Yes.
Would you like to say a few words?
Oh, um
Uh, Lord, pray for the soul
of this dearly departed person.
Ashes to ashes
Oh, what?!
- Very moving, Flynn.
- It was a lovely service.
Actually, Dr Flynn, we have
a chaplain for that sort of thing.
Get the rib spreaders,
I'm going in! I want the biggest,
baddest bone saw in the building!
No, you're too late.
We've lost the patient
No, you haven't, she's there!
- The patient's dead.
- Dead?
Oh, I could've done more.
Much more. So much more!
You're not a surgeon anymore.
The best thing you can do now is pray.
Oh, yes, of course, I'll pray.
Good idea. I'll pray. Who to?
God.
That's the chap! Why does
He allow so much suffering?
Come on, Reverend,
let's get you a nice cup of tea.
I can do more, much more,
so much more
I don't understand.
He used to be the casualty consultant,
then he cracked. Complete breakdown.
Only way they'd allow him back in
was as chaplain.
Chaplain! Huh.
He doesn't even believe in God.
He's Church of England.
Right, I'd better go out
and calm down the ward.
What's wrong, Flynn?
This is my first patient who's died.
In the NHS, we don't think of it having
lost a patient, more gained a bed.
Right, you lot.
I know you're all awake.
Sadly, Mrs Gibbs has passed on.
I know it's no surprise to any of you.
She'd been circling around the plughole
for a while now. Any questions?
And before you ask, none of you
can have her television.
[all groan]
Is everyone's first week like this?
I'm shattered.
I hate being on call. I just want
a normal nine to five job.
This is nine to five.
9am till 5pm the next day.
Right, that's Mrs Gibbs' notes done.
Next time, run to the arrest calls.
We like to arrive before the chaplain.
I ran straight into that door.
Do you think I've broken it?
- No, that door's as solid as a rock.
- My nose!
Hmm, looks like it might need
a little bit of TLC.
Please don't make a fuss
- Staff Nurse Judy?
- Yes, Dr Noble?
You couldn't clean up
Dr Flynn's nose for him?
Certainly, doctor, that's no problem.
Now, Dr Flynn, would you like
Dr Noble to hold your hand?
- It could sting.
- It's fine, I'll go to my room
- I'll clean that nose, Dr Flynn.
- No please.
No bother. This might sting.
- You won't scream like a baby?
- No!
If you'd just like to introduce your
semen sample through your wife's cervix.
Oh, every bloody time, Jeremy!
Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
I didn't think a bit of dilute alcohol
could sting so much.
Dilute alcohol doesn't.
Sister was using the hard stuff,
100 per cent pure alcohol.
- Ooh! Stingy! Stingy!
- But
A trick the nurses play
on the patients they don't like.
Sister Hope was just
letting you know who's boss.
[sighing]
Can I go back to bed now, please?
I used to get as dog-tired
as you once, Flynn.
Then I discovered
an amazing coping strategy.
- Naps?
- Caffeine.
All over this fine hospital,
doctors are only awake thanks to coffee.
Coffee is the lifeblood of the hospital.
More precious than grapes,
chocolates, even Lucozade.
Without coffee, the NHS would collapse.
And if you want coffee, you have
to be nice to the nurses. Come on.
[knocking]
[nurses] Yes?
[Coughs] Um
Good morning, uh, ladies.
Sorry to disturb you.
We can see you're busy.
Um, my new house surgeon
is only 21 hours into his 48-hour shift
and yet he already
seems to be flagging.
I was wondering if you had
a little pick-me-up for him.
For a price, of course.
What you got?
OK, um, one Prozac stress ball,
one set of Gaviscon Post-it notes
and finally, one Viagra pen and holder.
- Plus a stethoscope.
- Deal! Hand yours over.
This was a present.
My grandma gave me this.
Flynn!
"To my little boy,
now a big grown-up doctor,
God Bless, Nana."
Two.
- Now pay attention. What time is it?
- Nearly 4am.
Nam jam,
3am, 4am
and one extra spoon for good luck.
Three spoons of sugar
to combat the hypoglycaemia,
and milk to build our bones and teeth
and we are ready!
Maybe we'd better sit down for this one.
Right. Hold on,
it's going to be a wild ride!
Mmm.
[groans]
Five, four, three, two, one.
[snoring]
Houston, we have a problem.
[gasping] What?
You've got to see an admission
who's been sent up to the ward.
Mr Copperfield, possible appendicitis.
Let's do it!
Sister, what bed
is the abdo pain in?
Mr Copperfield is in the side room.
Mrs Gibbs's bed. Bad luck to be admitted
into a bed someone's just died in.
Flynn, it's kinda bad luck to get
admitted to this hospital, full stop.
Sidney the porter
is bringing him up now.
It would have been quicker
to walk up here myself.
I'm rushed off my feet.
I'm like a busy bee
buzzing from one job to the next.
Except I don't actually buzz and
I haven't got pollen sacs in me groin.
Could I please get into a bed
and lie down?
The side room, Sidney.
No, I think I can walk
the last bit, thank you.
[groans]
Must dash. I've got an urgent delivery
of painkillers for the labour ward.
They've been waiting two hours.
Remember what they taught us
at the natural birthing classes.
Just breathe through the pain.
Just get me the fucking painkillers!
What's wrong, Flynn?
Him, that patient, Mr Copperfield.
I think he's the man
of my dreams!
Flynn?
No! The man in those dreams
I was having.
I had to stick Venflons in his chest
to treat a tension pneumothorax.
I think those dreams were premonitions.
Only a tummy ache! Why would he
suddenly get a tension pneumothorax?
- Fate. You see when I failed finals.
- Failed finals? You failed finals?
Yes! You won't tell anyone, will you,
especially the nurses?
OK.
I failed finals because
in the practical exam
I didn't treat a tension pneumothorax
entirely correctly.
So this is where I get to redeem myself.
Maybe God is testing me.
Just go and clerk him. I'll join you
in five minutes if you're still worried.
You won't tell anyone
about my failing finals?
No.
Everything OK, Dr Noble?
Fine. Did you know Flynn failed finals?
- Oh, Staff Nurse Judy?
- Yes, Dr Flynn?
- Could you possibly give me a hand?
- Why, Doctor?
Well, I need to examine Mr Copperfield.
Yes?
That's it.
- You want me to watch?
- Help me lift the patient and things.
What things?
Just help me lift the patient.
- Am I more muscular than you, doctor'?
- No.
- Am I stronger than you, doctor'?
- No.
- Am I going to help lift the patient?
- No.
- Anything else, doctor?
- No.
Mr Copperfield, I'm Dr Flynn.
Now, I understand you have
a bit of a tummy ache?
- No.
- No?
No. My five-year-old daughter
has tummy aches.
I, on the other hand,
have severe lower abdominal pain.
And have had ever since I arrived
in Casualty over 10 hours ago.
Any other stupid questions?
- Never had a tension pneumothorax?
- What?!
Better put a mark on your chest,
second intercostal space
in the mid-clavicular line,
just in case.
In case what?
In case
Just in case. Right.
What do you do for a living?
I run a coffee bar.
You sell coffee! You don't have
a sample with you, do you?
Oh, brilliant!
- This is urine!
- What?
- I thought it was coffee.
- You mad?
No diabetes, that's good.
Mr Copperfield, I'm Dr Noble,
the surgical registrar.
Just relax while Dr Flynn
tells me all about you.
- He sells coffee.
- Coffee?
I need to examine you,
Mr Copperfield.
Oh!
Yes. We like the odd cup
of coffee, don't we, Flynn?
Can you point with one finger
to where the pain is most, please?
- Right. Pain here?
- Yes! Christ, yes!
Must have more coffee
than you know what to do with.
Can you tell me what hurts most'?
This, or this'?
Oh!
Yes, we do like our coffee.
Now I just need to do
a rectal examination.
No! I give in! You can have coffee,
all the coffee you want!
Good, let's get you to theatre then.
- Theatre?
- Surgery. You've acute appendicitis.
Could I have a second opinion, please?
Certainly. Dr Flynn?
Yeah, he's right.
Dr Flynn, you are interested
in anaesthesiology?
Uh, no, Gasman. Well, sort of.
Have you ever felt pain, Flynn?
True pain?
- Yes.
- How did it feel?
Exciting? Exhilarating?
Sexually charged, huh?
No, it was just bloody painful.
Oh, I see.
Only by feeling or inflicting pain
do we know we are truly alive.
But your job is to relieve pain,
though, isn't it?
Alas, such thoughts
were not fully appreciated
in my homeland Germany.
Only here in the NHS
have I found a health care system
so accepting of needless suffering.
It is the envy of the world.
The patient is asleep
and so is the surgeon.
Thank you, Gasman.
Imagine waking up
in the morning next to that.
I've done worse.
- Clean the operative field.
- Dilute alcohol? Or the hard stuff?
The hard stuff. Get some on his nose.
Certainly, doctor.
I'm afraid it's an irreversible coma.
What the hell was that?!
[screaming continues]
- [stops screaming]
- Quiet! You'll wake up the patient!
Morning!
Sorry. Sorry everybody.
I was having this wonderful dream
I was asleep.
Help me with these drapes.
- What are those?
- Nothing, nothing.
- Let's just operate, shall we?
- Oooh, touchy!
Look like where you would insert a
Venflon to treat a tension pneumothorax.
Ha! Ha! How strange.
- You're not still obsessing about that?
- No. A bit.
He's been having
these disturbing dreams.
Really, Dr Flynn? Dry or
Had to stick a Venflon
into Mr Copper-field's chest
to treat a tension pneumothorax.
Ah! The Jungian analysis
is that these are anxiety dreams.
Flynn seems fixated
on inserting Venflons into chests.
- Can you think why, Flynn?
- No.
Come on. That's how you failed finals.
You cocked up a pneumothorax,
remember? [chuckles]
And, uh, what's the
what's the Freudian analysis?
That he is a repressed homosexual.
What?
Dr Flynn, don't dream it, be it.
But I'm not!
Hmm.
I'm not. Let's just operate.
OK, Gasman, can I start chopping?
Don't worry, he won't feel a thing.
- [man moans]
- Except that.
You English are such wimps.
Where is his stiff upper lip, huh?
Looks like he's just bitten through it.
Time to slice and dice!
That appendectomy
went very well, I thought.
- Yes.
- And no pneumothorax, eh, Mystic Meg?
You just had to tell Gasman
about the dreams didn't you?
Now they all know
that I failed finals too.
Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Relax! Theatre is like the consulting
room. Or the confessional.
Anything discussed there
remains entirely confidential.
- Really?
- Oh, yes.
Anything you'd like to get
off your chest, Dr Flynn?
X marks the spot.
This is a nightmare.
Rise above it, Flynn.
- Dr Flynn?
- Yes?
- Could you help me?
- Yes, what's the problem?
I think I may have
a tension pneumothorax.
Well, the news about your dreams
has spread quicker
than gastroenteritis in a nursing home.
At least nobody will have told Sister
Hope and Judy that I failed finals.
Uh, Judy, you haven't heard
anything about me, have you,
any silly rumours or gossip?
It's OK, Dr Flynn. I know all about it
and it's really not a problem.
- Oh, good.
- Why do you find it embarrassing?
I didn't want the nurses to think
I wasn't a good doctor because
Because you're gay?
Gay? I'm not gay.
No, I'm just a failure.
Hmm.
Could you have a word
with Mrs Copperfield?
She wants to speak to a doctor.
Hello, is it Dr Flynn?
Yes. Yes it is. I am he.
How is my husband? Please be honest.
Well, he's a bit grumpy, isn't he?
No, his condition.
Are you worried about him?
Worried? Has someone said
something to you?
He's not going to get a pneumothorax.
Those dreams weren't premonitions
We're not worried at all,
Mrs Copperfield. He's very comfortable.
He'll be nil by mouth
for the next 48 hours
and he should be home
in around five days.
Yes, yes, that's right.
Thank you, Staff Nurse.
Oh, good.
My husband wanted me
to give you this. It's a sample.
- Ah, urine or stool?
- Coffee.
Coffee? Oh.
Great, thanks! Thank you.
Right, better get home.
Mmm.
[clears throat]
- Um, Nurse Judy?
- Yes, doctor?
I don't suppose, uh,
you'd like to go for a drink with me
one night, would you?
- Am I unattractive, doctor?
- No.
- Am I desperate, doctor?
- No.
Am I going to go on a date
with you, doctor?
No.
[laughter]
The end of another perfect day.
Big day for you tomorrow, Flynn.
Your first ward round
with Mr Ron at 9.00am sharp.
- What's he like?
- All right.
But if anything goes wrong
he just blames me, the registrar.
That's unfair.
Not really. I just blame you,
the house surgeon.
And who do I blame?
- Your parents?
- [sighs]
Are you sure you still want
to do this with Copper-field's stash?
That's a lot of coffee
just to be giving away.
It's the only way to stop the madness.
Right, let's do it.
[dialling]
Could you send out
an emergency bleep to all duty doctors
that there's coffee in the mess,
courtesy of Dr Flynn?
[beeping]
Gotta go.
There, there.
[beeping]
Catch you next time.
[beeping]
Back in a bit.
Before you consume
the coffee that will sustain you
through the long dark night,
let us thank Dr Flynn.
And as a gesture of gratitude,
might I suggest
that all mentions of tension
pneumothorax, failing finals
and Village People cease forthwith?
[an] Hmm.
To Flynn!
And to coffee!
[all] To coffee!
[Noble] Mmm!
[spits] It's a bad fix, man!
It's decaf!
Cheer up, Flynn.
Last night could have been worse.
It could have been Ovaltine.
It's not that. I'm really worried
about the ward round with Mr Ron.
I don't want make a fool of myself
in front of him and Nurse Judy.
And me and Sister
and the medical students.
[beeping]
It's the ward.
Hello. I'll be right up.
Problem?
No. It's Mr Copperfield.
He's slightly short of breath.
- He's got a tension pneumothorax!
- No, Flynn, he's abdo pain.
The nurses exaggerate everything.
Probably just snuffly.
Sort him out quickly.
Mr Ron's ward round is in 'IO minutes.
Off you go. I'll be right behind you,
just as soon
as I've finished this article.
Please, God, don't let it be
a tension pneumothorax.
Don't let it be a tension pneumothorax.
[gasping]
- I can't breathe!
- It's all right. Everything's fine.
Dr Noble will be along any moment now.
[humming] Any moment now.
- [door opening]
- Here he is!
It's a tension pneumothorax!
I'm going in!
No, Father!
Is everything OK?
You couldn't take Father away
for a nice cup of tea
and bleep Dr Noble again urgently?
You don't want a hand
lifting the patient?
No, just bleep Dr Noble again, please!
Come on, Reverend. Cup of tea?
Biscuit?
I could have done more,
much more, so much more!
Sorry about that. He's Church of
England. We're waiting for Dr Noble.
Do something, please!
I should examine your chest. Damn.
Noble gave away my stethoscope.
- My grandma gave it to me
- There!
- No, that's a nurse's one.
- Use it!
Oh right, yes. There we go.
No breath. Chaplain was right.
It's a tension pneumothorax!
I knew this was going to happen!
X marks the spot!
[slowed down] No!
He's got a tension pneumothorax!
No, he hasn't, Flynn!
It's OK, you may not have
punctured his lung.
Very carefully take your finger
off the end slowly.
[hissing]
Put it back! Thank God
Mr Ron isn't here to see this.
[reverent choir music]
Help me. Help me.
OK, Mr Copperfield, sit forward.
He's coming from the pavilion end
and he bowls!
Howzat!
A grape.
Thank God for that.
You idiot! Why did you
stick this thing in my chest?
Um, yes, twas just trying
to take some blood.
Blood? Direct from my lung?
That's where it's reddest. Excuse us.
Couldn't you see he was choking?
Did you examine him?
Yes! No breath sounds in the left lung.
What do you expect
with a nurse's stethoscope?
You can hear a Motörhead concert.
- Made by The Early Learning Centre.
- If you hadn't given my stethoscope
I hate to interrupt
but I think you ought to know
that I'm going to sue both of you.
Mr Copperfield? What does
that sign above your bed say'?
"Nil by mouth."
Nil by mouth. So how did this grape
end up in that mouth?
Disobeying doctors' orders,
weren't you?
[clicking tongue]
Just pull this thing out my chest
and we'll forget all about it.
I'm afraid it's not that simple.
We're going to have to withdraw it
slowly over a few days
to allow the hole to heal over.
Otherwise your lung will just collapse.
Are you sure?
- [hissing]
- [gasps] I believe you!
He's doesn't have to stay
on the end of it for days, does he?
No, I'll screw a cap on it now
before Mr Ron gets here.
- [Ron] Someone mention my name?
- [both] Oh, shit!
Thought I'd start my teaching round
early today.
You don't mind if I use you
to teach my students, Mr'?
- Copperfield.
- Copperfield?
- Well
- Good. In you come.
Uh, who are you?
Oh, I'm your new house surgeon,
- Dr Flynn.
- Flint?
- Flynn.
- Flint?
Ah, you're the one
they've been telling me about.
I'm not gay, Mr Ron.
That you failed your finals.
Oh, yes, a minor technical error, sir.
Yes, well, Flint, the mortuary
is full of minor technical errors.
Um, this case?
Mr Copperfield, 36 hours post
appendectomy and doing very well.
- We do have an excellent teaching
- Dr Flynn, where's your hand?
Oh, Pm just, uh,
keeping it warm, Sister.
Is that a gay thing, Sister?
This patient seems to have
a Venflon sticking out of his chest.
That's right, well spotted.
Now, this case on the main ward
Why is there a Venflon in his chest?
Well, we've just successfully treated
a postoperative tension pneumothorax.
I say, we, um
the house surgeon, Dr Flynn,
made an excellent diagnosis.
He'd better have, eh, Sister!
The last thing you'd want is to stick
a Venflon into someone's normal lung.
[all chuckling]
Why wouldn't you want to do that? You?
Uh, you'd collapse the lung.
- Yeah, and?
- Might cause internal bleeding.
- Yeah, And?
- You might waste NHS resources.
What?
- He's the NHS management trainee.
- Ah.
- What were we discussing?
- The case on the main ward
We were talking about the dangers
of sticking a Venflon
into someone's lung for no reason.
[Mr Ron] That's right.
If my house surgeon's
diagnosis were wrong
and he took his finger off the Venflon,
the lung would just collapse.
Mr Copperfield, you have
every reason to be grateful
for excellent clinical skills
of my new house surgeon, Dr Flint.
Flint, welcome to my surgical team.
- Thank you, sir.
- [hissing]
Flint!