Tuca & Bertie (2019) s01e01 Episode Script
The Sugar Bowl
1 [theme music plays.]
Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Bertie & Tuca and Tuca & Bertie Tuca & Bertie - Tuca - Bertie [both vocalize.]
-[laughs.]
-[gasps.]
Woo! [chuckles.]
[grunts.]
Ah! Hey! -[grunts.]
-Ow, ow, ow! Hmm Hey, ice cream! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! -Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine! -No! [laughs.]
Empathy is over! Being a bully is cool again! Hey, I'm being bullied! Hey! [grunts.]
-[Tuca.]
Whoop! -No! [groans.]
Yes, it is I, Tuca! Friend, hero, connoisseur of snacks! Confident yet relatable.
Wearer of short shorts! Stupid toucan! That was my ice cream! [in deep voice.]
And you're gonna pay! Life lesson, kiddo! [cheering.]
-Nothing belongs to anyone.
-[bike bell rings.]
Hey, that's my bike! [cell phone chirps.]
-Tuca! -Bertie! [screams.]
I miss you! Ugh, I hate change! The apartment is so quiet without you.
And clean.
I know! I'm so nasty.
I bring a lot of zest to my environment.
So, when do you wanna come over to get your things? You're not officially moved out until you've taken out your last box of stuff.
Ow! Ha! Sure, sure, I'll come get it later.
I'm just picking out some decor for my new place.
Tuca, are you getting junk off the street again? No, I'm purchasing consumer goods with my job money.
You don't have a job.
Just because I don't have a boring office job like you doesn't mean I'm not swimming in gigs.
Mobile notary, fortune teller, unlicensed tour guide, dog walker, cashing checks from my rich auntie, mobile notary again, and, uh, freelance junk collector.
Anyhoo, I'm swinging by our place I mean, your place, later today.
Wow, it'll be so weird to not be roommates anymore.
Yeah.
We've had such good times.
It's you and me You and me together Against the world Just you and me You and me forever I want you to give me some more Give me some more I will never let you down -[angry chattering.]
- I want you to give me some more -[grunts.]
- Give me some more It's you and me forever [retches.]
Oh, man, we've been through so much.
This is the end of an era, Tuca.
Yeah, it's no big deal.
I'm sure we'll live together again at some point.
Uh, I hope not.
I mean, I'm kinda hoping things work out with my boyfriend moving in.
[chuckles.]
Ow! Get 'em up, get 'em up Get 'em up now We'll see.
Bye.
Is Tuca okay? 'Cause I can help move this box of hers over there if she needs-- Nah, she's fine.
I bet she's happy to have a space to herself with nobody cramping her style.
Well, now that the two of us live alone, I can finally cut loose and walk around here with my butt out! -Boom! Boom! Boom! -No! Why does everyone I live with love free-buttin' it so much? [chuckles.]
I knew Tuca and I had a common bond.
Hey, what do you think if I hang this picture up here? Oh.
It's, uh, a photo of your own face.
Yeah, makes me really happy.
I think I look handsome in it.
That's what mirrors are for.
Come on, you get to have your things everywhere.
[honks.]
Well, my things are cute and don't have my face on them.
Uh-oh.
What are we gonna do? We're moving in together and you're already sick of my face.
[nervous chuckle.]
Yeah, if this doesn't work out, you'll have to move back out.
Yep.
And if we make any mistakes at all, we'll probably break up and never see each other again.
And all our mutual friends will hate you, and no one else will ever love or understand you-- -[thumps.]
-[Speckle.]
Ow! Box! Got some random crap for my place Putting freaky things in the space Gotta get a lamp for this base Accidentally break a vase with my face Doesn't matter what I do 'Cause I live alone [sighs.]
Ugh.
I'm so bored.
Nobody's here to listen to my great songs and supply me with constant positive reinfo-fo! Hey, upstairs neighbor! Dapper Dog! Mm-hmm? Wanna hear a totally improvised banger? Mayhaps, if you first indulge me my tale of woe.
Oh, woe, my sweetest Henry! Hard nope.
Hmm.
I know! I'll go visit Bertie.
Let's see, I'll put on my good walking shoes.
Better bring an umbrella.
Maybe I'll listen to a podcast on the way.
All right, all ready.
[radio host.]
Welcome to Breakfast Talk.
I'm your host, Billy Eggs.
Today's episode is brought to you by OvalSpace.
Make any idea beautiful online with over 30 identical templates.
OvalSpace.
Today's a great episode.
We talked [knocking on door.]
Oh, my God, you live so far away from me now.
[sighs.]
I'm so exhausted.
[chuckles.]
You're so lazy.
Ooh! Why don't you let me install a fireman's pole in the ceiling so I can slide down anytime? -I'm pretty sure the landlord wouldn't-- -Hey, Speckle's an architect.
I bet he'd love to get a big ol' pole in here! -Where's he at? -He's unpacking his toiletries.
[Speckle.]
Hmm Hmm, feather straightener.
Feather curler? Okay.
[exhales.]
Yeah.
[screams.]
No! -[objects clattering.]
-[Speckle.]
I'm okay! -Mmm! Great muffins, neighbor.
-[chuckles.]
Thanks, neighbor.
Oh, hey! Now we can do all kinds of neighbor stuff.
Like, I can collect your mail and water your cactus when you're out of town.
Oh, no.
My cactus passed away.
What happened? Did you overwater? Pricktina, baby girl, just tell me what you need.
You thirsty? Is this helping? Child, you overwatered.
Can a mother overlove her daughter? -Yes, she can, and I'm the proof.
-[laughs.]
Anyways, what other neighbor stuff can we do? Ooh! I can borrow a cup of sugar.
Neighbors are constantly borrowing cups of sugar.
We aren't officially neighbors until I get that C-O-S.
- Cup-o'-sug' -[chuckles.]
Okay, okay! Bertie-ertie-ertie Getting sugar for her nae Sweet sugar being got By the hottie, Bertie-bae [both laugh.]
I love when you make up theme songs for me.
Hmm Huh.
Speckle's sugar.
-Hmm.
Here you go, Tuca.
-Cute! Thanks.
-Well, see you later, neighbor.
-[chuckles.]
Wait, do you wanna grab your last box of stuff on your way out? I can't.
Hands are full.
Okay, well, it's just kinda taking up some space here, so-- Sheesh! Relax about the box.
I will take care of it eventually.
[sighs.]
Hmm Oh, that is really specific.
-[Speckle.]
Hey, Bertie? -Ah! Not my porn! I hate hunks! Did you see my sugar bowl? I-- I put it here like an hour ago? Oh, actually, I lent it to Tuca.
-What? You gave her my gamby's sugar? -Gamby? My Grandmother Robin.
That was her sugar bowl.
[Speckle.]
It's been in our family for generations.
[Bertie.]
Oh, no.
And when she passed away, we put her ashes in there.
Why, why, why? Well, it's a Robin family tradition.
[Speckle.]
Gamby Robin was very sweet, so we mixed her with sugar.
My gumbo was mixed with sage because he was wise.
My aunt was mixed with paprika, if you know what I mean.
I don't know what any of this means.
It means that sugar bowl was important to me.
Why would you give it to Tuca? She asked! I felt guilty for making her move out and I wanted her to be happy.
[groans.]
So why didn't you give her your sugar? Well, it was just really expensive.
You asked me to move in.
Now I can't hang up my pictures, there's no room for my stuff, and you gave my grandmother away.
I I just need to feel like I live here, too, Bertie.
Oh, my God, you're right! I've been so thoughtless.
I'm gonna fix this, Speckle.
Freeze right there.
[sighs.]
Well, I'm not one to pass up a good freeze.
Don't break up with me! [Bertie.]
Tuca? Hey, I need that sugar bowl back.
It was Speckle's and it's precious, and Oh, God, Tuca.
I really fudged things up.
He's gently disappointed in me! Oh, no, that's the worst kind of disappointed because you can't get defensive, so you really internalize the guilt.
I know! You know, this never would've happened if we'd just stayed roommates.
-Tuca, the sugar bowl? Give it! -I gave it to a neighbor.
-What? Why? -Because that's what neighbors do.
-[groans.]
-Plus, it tasted like ashes.
Yuck! No! Who'd you give it to? Oh, I just lent it to the plant lady who lives across from me.
Oh, my God, she is so cool.
I can't believe you talked to her.
Yeah, you know, I'm just trying to get into the fifth-floor vibe.
You fourth-floorers wouldn't get it.
Yo, Draca, it's me again, your fave new naby.
Hi.
Uh, I'm Bertie.
I've seen you around.
Your style is so radical.
Um-- -Hey, be cool.
-I can't.
I'm starved for her approval! Hey! Remember when I handed you some sugar and you rustled your leaves mysteriously? That was a nice little moment we had, huh? So, no big deal, but turns out we need that sug' back.
Do you still have it? Ooh! We get to see her house! Whoa.
-So -Uh, cool place you got here, Draca.
-Really unique.
-Tropical.
Okay, I'll say it.
You have too many turtles.
[whispers.]
Hey, do you think the sugar is on one of these guys? Yeah, let's check these turts.
Mouthwash.
Fertilizer.
Fashion magazine, dirty dishes.
A tiny house? A love letter.
It's to another turtle! [laughs.]
This is great.
This is hopeless, Tuca.
I don't see the sugar anywhere.
Oh, yeah.
The sugar.
Right.
[gasps.]
Bertie, the window's open! Look! [metal clanking.]
-Turt alert! -To the streets! Um, thank you for having us over.
Maybe we can hang out someti-- [yelps.]
Bye! [Tuca pants.]
Speckle, I almost have the sugar back.
Just hold on a few more minutes.
Don't dump me! [muffled.]
Okay.
This might be my best freeze yet.
-Hey, ladies.
-Not now, Bruce.
Can't chat, Bruce.
We're trying to chase down some sugar.
Ooh! -Why don't you give me some sugar? -Ugh.
Bruce, give it up.
I am never gonna sleep with you.
Again.
That was just a one-time thing I did twice.
-What? You slept with Bruce? -He's the main reason I'm sober now.
When you relapse, I'll be waiting.
-Ugh.
-Ooh, sick.
-Which way did it go? -Hmm.
-Oh, I got this.
-Whoa.
Bertie, it's that dirty turtie! [giggles.]
-Hey there, little buddy.
-[laughs.]
Wait! That's our sugar! Life lesson: nothing belongs to anyone! Damn it.
That's a fun thing to say, but tough to hear.
Come on, Tuca.
Let's go! -[distorted.]
Go! -[Tuca, Bertie grunting.]
[distorted.]
Go! -[laughs.]
-[distorted.]
Go! -[Tuca and Bertie pant.]
-[distorted.]
Go! -[hisses.]
- Dirt-dirt-dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie Dirt-dirt-dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie [boy laughs.]
[distorted.]
Go! [distorted.]
Go! [distorted.]
Go! [distorted.]
Go! [music slows.]
- That dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie -Hey! Dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie That dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie Dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty That dirt [both groan.]
That-that-that-that, that-that-that-that Dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie - Dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie -[laughs.]
[music stops.]
[both pant.]
Whoa.
Pastry Pete's Patisserie.
Pastry Pete is so brilliant.
Did you know he won a Tasty Num Nums Award last year for combining crullers and Bundt cakes? -They're called "crunts"! -Oh, you got a crush on him.
-Speckle better watch out.
-I do not! Shut up! I'm telling you, you gotta try those sweet, crusty crunts.
-Ew! -Come on, let's go! Oh! Give us back our sugar, you half-wet, half-dry, full-slime booger.
What's going on here? [gasps.]
Pastry Pete! Woo! Why are you yelling at my nephew? That's our sugar.
That brat stole it from us.
My nephew is a perfect angel.
He says he found this on a public street turtle.
That's right, Unky Petey.
This child is a spoiled pile of soft-serve assface.
[cries.]
Unky! And stay out of my bakery.
Okay, but I might come back in to buy an éclair! [grunts.]
Oh, Speckle is gonna hate me.
The first seed of resentment has been planted.
This is my first time living with a boyfriend, and I already totally fricked it up.
Hey, don't worry.
Worst-case scenario, you guys break up, and then I can move back in.
I don't want that! I want to live with my boyfriend.
So, this is really permanent? Well, I hope so.
-Why are you doing this to me? -This isn't about you! Everything was great when we lived together.
But now it's all, "Tuca, get your box of stuff out of the way!" "Tuca, get my sugar turt!" "Tuca, erase yourself from the apartment we shared for six years so I don't have to be reminded of you while I'm living my perfect life with my boyfriend!" I never said-- [Tuca.]
Now you're settling down, doing this normie life-plan bullshit, and you're gonna get married, and have babies, and host dinner parties where you serve things like crostini and bruschetta.
Well, you're not fooling me.
-Those are just toast! -What? And you never wanna have fun adventures anymore.
You'd rather stay at home and be boring.
I don't want to be boring.
I want to know that everything's going to be okay so I can relax! Ugh! Right now, there's nothing I'd rather do than go home, putter around, watch TV, bake a big batch of croissants-- Huh.
Croissants.
Uh-oh.
You're getting that look you get whenever you have a dumb-- -I have an amazing idea! Follow me! -No! [grunts.]
Hey, Pastry Puff! Ugh.
Bertie here would like to challenge you to a croissant bake-off.
-Huh? -No, no, no! What are you doing? He's a professional.
I'm not good enough.
Bertie is the best chef in the whole world and she can kick your ass.
And we're having a really big fight right now, but she's my best friend! I don't really see how that's relevant.
If Bertie's croissants are better than yours, you gotta give us back our sugar.
This is a bad idea, Tuca! Well, by the chef's code, I cannot turn down a cooking challenge.
So, we shall have a croissant tournament.
 Eep! If you win, you'll get that sugar bowl.
And if I win, you need to babysit my nephew.
Huh? [laughs maniacally.]
Die, turtle! -But my CPR license is expired! -We agree to your terms.
[pop music plays.]
-[growls.]
-Hmm [both growl.]
[both grunt.]
Oh! Uh [clears throat.]
This, uh It just needs to chill for a bit.
Because that's a vital step in baking croissants, of course.
[Pete grunts.]
Bertie-ertie-ertie Gotta get that dough rolled Crush it, little Bertie Win back that ash bowl Ooh! Woo-hoo-hoo! Ugh.
Couldn't you have picked something simpler for this competition? You're the one who said croissants! [groans.]
-[grunts.]
-Hey.
So, um, I'm sorry about what I said.
I'm really excited for you and Speckle.
And you're not boring.
You're a magnificent little weirdo.
Yeah? You know, even though things are changing, Tuca, you're still my best friend.
I need you.
Aw.
And you always let me eat your snacks.
-[laughs.]
-What's wrong? Well, I'm still mad.
Even though we just made up, I still have an upset feeling.
That's okay, buddy.
Here, wanna punch some dough? [grunts.]
There you go! Better? Yeah.
Thanks.
Whoa, too much.
Take it easy.
-[laughs.]
-Well, she's out of control.
Somebody stop this woman.
She's on a rampage! -[chuckles.]
-[timer dings.]
Ooh! They're ready! Mmm.
Let's see.
Very croissant-y.
Wait, why are you the one judging this competition? Wow, this one is even croissantier.
Dare I say, croissantiest and best.
-[harmonica playing.]
-[applause.]
This is absurd! Hmm.
Mm.
Mm.
Mmm.
-What bakery do you work at? -Oh, I don't work at a bakery.
-A restaurant, then? -No, I work at a magazine.
Ah, a gourmet food magazine! Which one? Actually, it's just a magazine publisher.
I do mostly data processing.
Yeah, bitch, you got beat by a woman off the street! Deal with it! I see.
Here's my card.
Call me if you ever want to quit your desk job and come work for me.
[mumbles incoherently.]
Your technique needs to be tamed, but I taste your passion.
-You're a, uh, croissant savant.
-[gasps.]
Make sure not to eat that card.
It's made of a very thin, toothsome wafer with sugar ink.
It took me ten years to learn how to make it.
Ooh.
-Dude, don't let me eat that card, m'kay? -Thank you? And now, you can take back your sugar.
[whistles.]
Surprise! [muffled.]
My gamby is a cake now? Whoops.
Unfreeze! Ooh, pins and needles! Don't touch me.
Don't touch me right now.
Pins and needles! My gamby is a cake now? Baked by the Tasty Num Nums award-winning inventor of the crunt.
-[chuckles.]
-We brought croissants, too.
Made out of regular ingredients, not dead people.
Aw, jeez.
Oh, Speckle, is that you? Gamby? Oh, Speckle, my boy! My dearest grand-peep.
Uh Um Oh, my God, I can't believe it's you! I'm so glad I was baked into a cake so I could say a proper goodbye and tell you I'm proud of you.
Aw! Now, Speckle, please eat me.
-[gasps.]
-What? Gobble me up, sweet child! I'm trapped between the worlds of the living and the dead, and I need you to eat me so my soul can finally rest! I I can't! Be a good boy and eat your gamby! Yeah! Eat the ghost cake! Eat the ghost cake! I guess I could try a little if-- if that's what you want, Gamby.
Mm-hmm.
-Mm -So? How do you like being an architect, baby boy? It's rewarding work.
I'm pretty good at it.
More bureaucracy than I anticipated, though.
You were always a bright one.
Oh, Gamby, you're actually really delicious.
This is the most disgusting and disturbing thing I've ever-- -Can I have some? -Tuca! [Gamby.]
Speckle, sliding down your throat tickles! [sighs.]
Settle down, Gamby.
[Gamby.]
Now, would you drink some gin and club soda so I can have a party down here? Gamby, be quiet! Wow, so this all worked out pretty great, huh? [Gamby whoops and laughs.]
Oh, God, Speckle.
I'm sorry I gave your sugar away.
If you don't wanna live with me anymore, I understand.
Don't want to live with you? Of course I want to live with you.
Really? Yeah! You know when you're coming home late at night? [Bertie.]
Yeah? [Speckle.]
And everything inside looks so warm and yellow, and everything outside is so blue? I love thinking about how, from now on, this little piece of yellow is for us, our warm home together.
That's pretty gooey, huh? [cries loudly.]
Aw, you guys.
Okay, I'll bounce so you can get all mushy.
I guess I'll finally get my box of stuff out of your way.
-Then I'll be all done moving out.
-Great idea! You know, Tuca, if you wanna leave your box here, you can.
-[gasps.]
Really? -Or you can just take it.
-Right now.
-We've got room.
Then you can just come over whenever you need anything in it.
-Yeah? -Sure! Aw.
That would be great.
Let's see, it only has my toothbrush, my daily medication-- Oh, well, you don't have to leave every-- All my underwear, my sex toys.
Maybe just pick up the box and then, like, take it? This will be great.
My EpiPen, smoke detector batteries, bike pump, old porn, new porn, frying pan, screwdriver All right, gang, let's get this wingding bash-a-roo a-ragin'! -Agh! -Ooh! [giggles.]
-Huh? -Mwah! [cheerful music plays.]
-[vocalizes.]
-[barks.]
[man.]
Boxer versus raptor.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na
Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Bertie & Tuca and Tuca & Bertie Tuca & Bertie - Tuca - Bertie [both vocalize.]
-[laughs.]
-[gasps.]
Woo! [chuckles.]
[grunts.]
Ah! Hey! -[grunts.]
-Ow, ow, ow! Hmm Hey, ice cream! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! -Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine! -No! [laughs.]
Empathy is over! Being a bully is cool again! Hey, I'm being bullied! Hey! [grunts.]
-[Tuca.]
Whoop! -No! [groans.]
Yes, it is I, Tuca! Friend, hero, connoisseur of snacks! Confident yet relatable.
Wearer of short shorts! Stupid toucan! That was my ice cream! [in deep voice.]
And you're gonna pay! Life lesson, kiddo! [cheering.]
-Nothing belongs to anyone.
-[bike bell rings.]
Hey, that's my bike! [cell phone chirps.]
-Tuca! -Bertie! [screams.]
I miss you! Ugh, I hate change! The apartment is so quiet without you.
And clean.
I know! I'm so nasty.
I bring a lot of zest to my environment.
So, when do you wanna come over to get your things? You're not officially moved out until you've taken out your last box of stuff.
Ow! Ha! Sure, sure, I'll come get it later.
I'm just picking out some decor for my new place.
Tuca, are you getting junk off the street again? No, I'm purchasing consumer goods with my job money.
You don't have a job.
Just because I don't have a boring office job like you doesn't mean I'm not swimming in gigs.
Mobile notary, fortune teller, unlicensed tour guide, dog walker, cashing checks from my rich auntie, mobile notary again, and, uh, freelance junk collector.
Anyhoo, I'm swinging by our place I mean, your place, later today.
Wow, it'll be so weird to not be roommates anymore.
Yeah.
We've had such good times.
It's you and me You and me together Against the world Just you and me You and me forever I want you to give me some more Give me some more I will never let you down -[angry chattering.]
- I want you to give me some more -[grunts.]
- Give me some more It's you and me forever [retches.]
Oh, man, we've been through so much.
This is the end of an era, Tuca.
Yeah, it's no big deal.
I'm sure we'll live together again at some point.
Uh, I hope not.
I mean, I'm kinda hoping things work out with my boyfriend moving in.
[chuckles.]
Ow! Get 'em up, get 'em up Get 'em up now We'll see.
Bye.
Is Tuca okay? 'Cause I can help move this box of hers over there if she needs-- Nah, she's fine.
I bet she's happy to have a space to herself with nobody cramping her style.
Well, now that the two of us live alone, I can finally cut loose and walk around here with my butt out! -Boom! Boom! Boom! -No! Why does everyone I live with love free-buttin' it so much? [chuckles.]
I knew Tuca and I had a common bond.
Hey, what do you think if I hang this picture up here? Oh.
It's, uh, a photo of your own face.
Yeah, makes me really happy.
I think I look handsome in it.
That's what mirrors are for.
Come on, you get to have your things everywhere.
[honks.]
Well, my things are cute and don't have my face on them.
Uh-oh.
What are we gonna do? We're moving in together and you're already sick of my face.
[nervous chuckle.]
Yeah, if this doesn't work out, you'll have to move back out.
Yep.
And if we make any mistakes at all, we'll probably break up and never see each other again.
And all our mutual friends will hate you, and no one else will ever love or understand you-- -[thumps.]
-[Speckle.]
Ow! Box! Got some random crap for my place Putting freaky things in the space Gotta get a lamp for this base Accidentally break a vase with my face Doesn't matter what I do 'Cause I live alone [sighs.]
Ugh.
I'm so bored.
Nobody's here to listen to my great songs and supply me with constant positive reinfo-fo! Hey, upstairs neighbor! Dapper Dog! Mm-hmm? Wanna hear a totally improvised banger? Mayhaps, if you first indulge me my tale of woe.
Oh, woe, my sweetest Henry! Hard nope.
Hmm.
I know! I'll go visit Bertie.
Let's see, I'll put on my good walking shoes.
Better bring an umbrella.
Maybe I'll listen to a podcast on the way.
All right, all ready.
[radio host.]
Welcome to Breakfast Talk.
I'm your host, Billy Eggs.
Today's episode is brought to you by OvalSpace.
Make any idea beautiful online with over 30 identical templates.
OvalSpace.
Today's a great episode.
We talked [knocking on door.]
Oh, my God, you live so far away from me now.
[sighs.]
I'm so exhausted.
[chuckles.]
You're so lazy.
Ooh! Why don't you let me install a fireman's pole in the ceiling so I can slide down anytime? -I'm pretty sure the landlord wouldn't-- -Hey, Speckle's an architect.
I bet he'd love to get a big ol' pole in here! -Where's he at? -He's unpacking his toiletries.
[Speckle.]
Hmm Hmm, feather straightener.
Feather curler? Okay.
[exhales.]
Yeah.
[screams.]
No! -[objects clattering.]
-[Speckle.]
I'm okay! -Mmm! Great muffins, neighbor.
-[chuckles.]
Thanks, neighbor.
Oh, hey! Now we can do all kinds of neighbor stuff.
Like, I can collect your mail and water your cactus when you're out of town.
Oh, no.
My cactus passed away.
What happened? Did you overwater? Pricktina, baby girl, just tell me what you need.
You thirsty? Is this helping? Child, you overwatered.
Can a mother overlove her daughter? -Yes, she can, and I'm the proof.
-[laughs.]
Anyways, what other neighbor stuff can we do? Ooh! I can borrow a cup of sugar.
Neighbors are constantly borrowing cups of sugar.
We aren't officially neighbors until I get that C-O-S.
- Cup-o'-sug' -[chuckles.]
Okay, okay! Bertie-ertie-ertie Getting sugar for her nae Sweet sugar being got By the hottie, Bertie-bae [both laugh.]
I love when you make up theme songs for me.
Hmm Huh.
Speckle's sugar.
-Hmm.
Here you go, Tuca.
-Cute! Thanks.
-Well, see you later, neighbor.
-[chuckles.]
Wait, do you wanna grab your last box of stuff on your way out? I can't.
Hands are full.
Okay, well, it's just kinda taking up some space here, so-- Sheesh! Relax about the box.
I will take care of it eventually.
[sighs.]
Hmm Oh, that is really specific.
-[Speckle.]
Hey, Bertie? -Ah! Not my porn! I hate hunks! Did you see my sugar bowl? I-- I put it here like an hour ago? Oh, actually, I lent it to Tuca.
-What? You gave her my gamby's sugar? -Gamby? My Grandmother Robin.
That was her sugar bowl.
[Speckle.]
It's been in our family for generations.
[Bertie.]
Oh, no.
And when she passed away, we put her ashes in there.
Why, why, why? Well, it's a Robin family tradition.
[Speckle.]
Gamby Robin was very sweet, so we mixed her with sugar.
My gumbo was mixed with sage because he was wise.
My aunt was mixed with paprika, if you know what I mean.
I don't know what any of this means.
It means that sugar bowl was important to me.
Why would you give it to Tuca? She asked! I felt guilty for making her move out and I wanted her to be happy.
[groans.]
So why didn't you give her your sugar? Well, it was just really expensive.
You asked me to move in.
Now I can't hang up my pictures, there's no room for my stuff, and you gave my grandmother away.
I I just need to feel like I live here, too, Bertie.
Oh, my God, you're right! I've been so thoughtless.
I'm gonna fix this, Speckle.
Freeze right there.
[sighs.]
Well, I'm not one to pass up a good freeze.
Don't break up with me! [Bertie.]
Tuca? Hey, I need that sugar bowl back.
It was Speckle's and it's precious, and Oh, God, Tuca.
I really fudged things up.
He's gently disappointed in me! Oh, no, that's the worst kind of disappointed because you can't get defensive, so you really internalize the guilt.
I know! You know, this never would've happened if we'd just stayed roommates.
-Tuca, the sugar bowl? Give it! -I gave it to a neighbor.
-What? Why? -Because that's what neighbors do.
-[groans.]
-Plus, it tasted like ashes.
Yuck! No! Who'd you give it to? Oh, I just lent it to the plant lady who lives across from me.
Oh, my God, she is so cool.
I can't believe you talked to her.
Yeah, you know, I'm just trying to get into the fifth-floor vibe.
You fourth-floorers wouldn't get it.
Yo, Draca, it's me again, your fave new naby.
Hi.
Uh, I'm Bertie.
I've seen you around.
Your style is so radical.
Um-- -Hey, be cool.
-I can't.
I'm starved for her approval! Hey! Remember when I handed you some sugar and you rustled your leaves mysteriously? That was a nice little moment we had, huh? So, no big deal, but turns out we need that sug' back.
Do you still have it? Ooh! We get to see her house! Whoa.
-So -Uh, cool place you got here, Draca.
-Really unique.
-Tropical.
Okay, I'll say it.
You have too many turtles.
[whispers.]
Hey, do you think the sugar is on one of these guys? Yeah, let's check these turts.
Mouthwash.
Fertilizer.
Fashion magazine, dirty dishes.
A tiny house? A love letter.
It's to another turtle! [laughs.]
This is great.
This is hopeless, Tuca.
I don't see the sugar anywhere.
Oh, yeah.
The sugar.
Right.
[gasps.]
Bertie, the window's open! Look! [metal clanking.]
-Turt alert! -To the streets! Um, thank you for having us over.
Maybe we can hang out someti-- [yelps.]
Bye! [Tuca pants.]
Speckle, I almost have the sugar back.
Just hold on a few more minutes.
Don't dump me! [muffled.]
Okay.
This might be my best freeze yet.
-Hey, ladies.
-Not now, Bruce.
Can't chat, Bruce.
We're trying to chase down some sugar.
Ooh! -Why don't you give me some sugar? -Ugh.
Bruce, give it up.
I am never gonna sleep with you.
Again.
That was just a one-time thing I did twice.
-What? You slept with Bruce? -He's the main reason I'm sober now.
When you relapse, I'll be waiting.
-Ugh.
-Ooh, sick.
-Which way did it go? -Hmm.
-Oh, I got this.
-Whoa.
Bertie, it's that dirty turtie! [giggles.]
-Hey there, little buddy.
-[laughs.]
Wait! That's our sugar! Life lesson: nothing belongs to anyone! Damn it.
That's a fun thing to say, but tough to hear.
Come on, Tuca.
Let's go! -[distorted.]
Go! -[Tuca, Bertie grunting.]
[distorted.]
Go! -[laughs.]
-[distorted.]
Go! -[Tuca and Bertie pant.]
-[distorted.]
Go! -[hisses.]
- Dirt-dirt-dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie Dirt-dirt-dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie [boy laughs.]
[distorted.]
Go! [distorted.]
Go! [distorted.]
Go! [distorted.]
Go! [music slows.]
- That dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie -Hey! Dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie That dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie Dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty That dirt [both groan.]
That-that-that-that, that-that-that-that Dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie - Dirt-dirt-dirt-dirty turtie -[laughs.]
[music stops.]
[both pant.]
Whoa.
Pastry Pete's Patisserie.
Pastry Pete is so brilliant.
Did you know he won a Tasty Num Nums Award last year for combining crullers and Bundt cakes? -They're called "crunts"! -Oh, you got a crush on him.
-Speckle better watch out.
-I do not! Shut up! I'm telling you, you gotta try those sweet, crusty crunts.
-Ew! -Come on, let's go! Oh! Give us back our sugar, you half-wet, half-dry, full-slime booger.
What's going on here? [gasps.]
Pastry Pete! Woo! Why are you yelling at my nephew? That's our sugar.
That brat stole it from us.
My nephew is a perfect angel.
He says he found this on a public street turtle.
That's right, Unky Petey.
This child is a spoiled pile of soft-serve assface.
[cries.]
Unky! And stay out of my bakery.
Okay, but I might come back in to buy an éclair! [grunts.]
Oh, Speckle is gonna hate me.
The first seed of resentment has been planted.
This is my first time living with a boyfriend, and I already totally fricked it up.
Hey, don't worry.
Worst-case scenario, you guys break up, and then I can move back in.
I don't want that! I want to live with my boyfriend.
So, this is really permanent? Well, I hope so.
-Why are you doing this to me? -This isn't about you! Everything was great when we lived together.
But now it's all, "Tuca, get your box of stuff out of the way!" "Tuca, get my sugar turt!" "Tuca, erase yourself from the apartment we shared for six years so I don't have to be reminded of you while I'm living my perfect life with my boyfriend!" I never said-- [Tuca.]
Now you're settling down, doing this normie life-plan bullshit, and you're gonna get married, and have babies, and host dinner parties where you serve things like crostini and bruschetta.
Well, you're not fooling me.
-Those are just toast! -What? And you never wanna have fun adventures anymore.
You'd rather stay at home and be boring.
I don't want to be boring.
I want to know that everything's going to be okay so I can relax! Ugh! Right now, there's nothing I'd rather do than go home, putter around, watch TV, bake a big batch of croissants-- Huh.
Croissants.
Uh-oh.
You're getting that look you get whenever you have a dumb-- -I have an amazing idea! Follow me! -No! [grunts.]
Hey, Pastry Puff! Ugh.
Bertie here would like to challenge you to a croissant bake-off.
-Huh? -No, no, no! What are you doing? He's a professional.
I'm not good enough.
Bertie is the best chef in the whole world and she can kick your ass.
And we're having a really big fight right now, but she's my best friend! I don't really see how that's relevant.
If Bertie's croissants are better than yours, you gotta give us back our sugar.
This is a bad idea, Tuca! Well, by the chef's code, I cannot turn down a cooking challenge.
So, we shall have a croissant tournament.
 Eep! If you win, you'll get that sugar bowl.
And if I win, you need to babysit my nephew.
Huh? [laughs maniacally.]
Die, turtle! -But my CPR license is expired! -We agree to your terms.
[pop music plays.]
-[growls.]
-Hmm [both growl.]
[both grunt.]
Oh! Uh [clears throat.]
This, uh It just needs to chill for a bit.
Because that's a vital step in baking croissants, of course.
[Pete grunts.]
Bertie-ertie-ertie Gotta get that dough rolled Crush it, little Bertie Win back that ash bowl Ooh! Woo-hoo-hoo! Ugh.
Couldn't you have picked something simpler for this competition? You're the one who said croissants! [groans.]
-[grunts.]
-Hey.
So, um, I'm sorry about what I said.
I'm really excited for you and Speckle.
And you're not boring.
You're a magnificent little weirdo.
Yeah? You know, even though things are changing, Tuca, you're still my best friend.
I need you.
Aw.
And you always let me eat your snacks.
-[laughs.]
-What's wrong? Well, I'm still mad.
Even though we just made up, I still have an upset feeling.
That's okay, buddy.
Here, wanna punch some dough? [grunts.]
There you go! Better? Yeah.
Thanks.
Whoa, too much.
Take it easy.
-[laughs.]
-Well, she's out of control.
Somebody stop this woman.
She's on a rampage! -[chuckles.]
-[timer dings.]
Ooh! They're ready! Mmm.
Let's see.
Very croissant-y.
Wait, why are you the one judging this competition? Wow, this one is even croissantier.
Dare I say, croissantiest and best.
-[harmonica playing.]
-[applause.]
This is absurd! Hmm.
Mm.
Mm.
Mmm.
-What bakery do you work at? -Oh, I don't work at a bakery.
-A restaurant, then? -No, I work at a magazine.
Ah, a gourmet food magazine! Which one? Actually, it's just a magazine publisher.
I do mostly data processing.
Yeah, bitch, you got beat by a woman off the street! Deal with it! I see.
Here's my card.
Call me if you ever want to quit your desk job and come work for me.
[mumbles incoherently.]
Your technique needs to be tamed, but I taste your passion.
-You're a, uh, croissant savant.
-[gasps.]
Make sure not to eat that card.
It's made of a very thin, toothsome wafer with sugar ink.
It took me ten years to learn how to make it.
Ooh.
-Dude, don't let me eat that card, m'kay? -Thank you? And now, you can take back your sugar.
[whistles.]
Surprise! [muffled.]
My gamby is a cake now? Whoops.
Unfreeze! Ooh, pins and needles! Don't touch me.
Don't touch me right now.
Pins and needles! My gamby is a cake now? Baked by the Tasty Num Nums award-winning inventor of the crunt.
-[chuckles.]
-We brought croissants, too.
Made out of regular ingredients, not dead people.
Aw, jeez.
Oh, Speckle, is that you? Gamby? Oh, Speckle, my boy! My dearest grand-peep.
Uh Um Oh, my God, I can't believe it's you! I'm so glad I was baked into a cake so I could say a proper goodbye and tell you I'm proud of you.
Aw! Now, Speckle, please eat me.
-[gasps.]
-What? Gobble me up, sweet child! I'm trapped between the worlds of the living and the dead, and I need you to eat me so my soul can finally rest! I I can't! Be a good boy and eat your gamby! Yeah! Eat the ghost cake! Eat the ghost cake! I guess I could try a little if-- if that's what you want, Gamby.
Mm-hmm.
-Mm -So? How do you like being an architect, baby boy? It's rewarding work.
I'm pretty good at it.
More bureaucracy than I anticipated, though.
You were always a bright one.
Oh, Gamby, you're actually really delicious.
This is the most disgusting and disturbing thing I've ever-- -Can I have some? -Tuca! [Gamby.]
Speckle, sliding down your throat tickles! [sighs.]
Settle down, Gamby.
[Gamby.]
Now, would you drink some gin and club soda so I can have a party down here? Gamby, be quiet! Wow, so this all worked out pretty great, huh? [Gamby whoops and laughs.]
Oh, God, Speckle.
I'm sorry I gave your sugar away.
If you don't wanna live with me anymore, I understand.
Don't want to live with you? Of course I want to live with you.
Really? Yeah! You know when you're coming home late at night? [Bertie.]
Yeah? [Speckle.]
And everything inside looks so warm and yellow, and everything outside is so blue? I love thinking about how, from now on, this little piece of yellow is for us, our warm home together.
That's pretty gooey, huh? [cries loudly.]
Aw, you guys.
Okay, I'll bounce so you can get all mushy.
I guess I'll finally get my box of stuff out of your way.
-Then I'll be all done moving out.
-Great idea! You know, Tuca, if you wanna leave your box here, you can.
-[gasps.]
Really? -Or you can just take it.
-Right now.
-We've got room.
Then you can just come over whenever you need anything in it.
-Yeah? -Sure! Aw.
That would be great.
Let's see, it only has my toothbrush, my daily medication-- Oh, well, you don't have to leave every-- All my underwear, my sex toys.
Maybe just pick up the box and then, like, take it? This will be great.
My EpiPen, smoke detector batteries, bike pump, old porn, new porn, frying pan, screwdriver All right, gang, let's get this wingding bash-a-roo a-ragin'! -Agh! -Ooh! [giggles.]
-Huh? -Mwah! [cheerful music plays.]
-[vocalizes.]
-[barks.]
[man.]
Boxer versus raptor.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na