Turn Up Charlie (2019) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
1 - Charlie Ayo - [CROWD CHEERING.]
Charlie Ayo Makin' love to you, baby I'm feelin' the dub - I'm feelin' the sound - My groovy crew groove all day To a new gang crew - Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Fuck! - [MUSIC SLOWS TO A STOP.]
- [SIGHS.]
- [FOOTSTEPS.]
- Three, two - [BOTH.]
One - Charlie.
- Yeah? They have taken the lights.
- No one's taken anything, Lydia.
Relax.
- Ah, ah, ah! Hey! Who is Lydia? - It is - [BOTH.]
Auntie Lydia.
How many times must I repeat it? Where is my cash monies for the electricity key? I've got a gig, tonight, okay? So I'll pay it, later.
- I promise you.
- Ah, okay, okay.
Is it a big rave? Nah, it's just Neil's weddin', that's all.
Neil, Neil? A person actually agreed to marry him? I hope it's not mates' rates, eh? 'Cause that won't pay the bills.
Oh, no.
Mm-mm.
I don't like this flavor.
You know my favorite is lemon.
Listen, you're smoking marijuana, and it's free.
- Why are you complaining? - Shut up your mouth.
Charlie! - Yeah? - My cash monies, please.
Yeah, no worries.
[SIGHS.]
Right, I've gotta go.
Please, Charlie, let man come with you, please.
You're not invited, Dell.
Bro, it's a Nigerian weddin', yeah? Neil is not Nigerian.
His wife is Nigerian, and everyone is invited to a Nigerian wedding.
- You know the rules.
- What are you talkin' about? I cannot believe David is invited and I'm not, yeah? If I was some famous actor, your man Neil would be beggin' me to make an appearance.
Hey, listen.
David is invited because he's our best mate from school, and you are just a groupie from Charlie Ayo.
Are you sure it's not 'cause he's got a Ferrari? He hasn't got a Ferrari.
Listen, yeah.
Alicia's comin' tonight, yeah? Check me out, though.
Gotta look sweet, so she can see what she's missin'.
You've gotta let her go, man.
And, to be fair, she ain't missin' much, bro.
Yeah? Her new man put a ring on her finger.
- He's a hedge fund manager - [LYDIA.]
Charlie! Come and flush your shit in this toilet! It's a big one! [CHUCKLES.]
And he don't live with his auntie neither, so - [CLICKS FINGERS.]
- Get out.
- Huh? - Right now.
- I didn't leave a shit.
- You did.
- I did, but I thought I flushed it.
- Well, flush it! Go get your poo, man.
[MAN.]
I know it wasn't easy for you to invite me, but it means so much.
Honestly, I'm really grateful.
It means so much to me.
Thanks a lot.
["YOU SEXY THING (I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES)" BY HOT CHOCOLATE PLAYING.]
Two minutes.
Okay? Evening, yeah.
You all right? Hey! - Congratulations! - Hey! - Yeah.
- Cheers, man.
Neil! You know you got married! - Hey, big man.
- How you doin', man? - Looking good, mate.
Looking good.
- Yeah, man, I'm there.
Aaah I'm not used to him gettin' all the girls.
- Yeah, you don't see it.
- Here he is.
- Here comes Mr.
Movie Star.
- [LAUGHING.]
- Thank you for coming.
- Oh! - Really appreciate it.
Thank you.
- Oh, oh! - Good to see you.
- Hey, man.
- Oh! - What's happenin'? - Yes, brother.
- You good? Yeah, I'm well.
I'm proud of you.
You did it! Hey, there's nothin' to be proud of.
Marriage is a trap.
- What? - Says the man who was married twice.
- How old are you? - I peaked too early, yeah? - Mate, did you read the invite? - What? It's black tie.
You're wearing a burgundy suit and trainers! [ALL LAUGHING.]
Wow! There she is.
- Whoa.
- Lookin' lovely, Alicia.
- Check you out! - Thank you.
- Nice! You let him dress like that? - No, no - You trying to match? - It's not like that.
No Next time it's gotta be you two down the aisle, surely.
- No.
- What do you mean? - What? Come on - You're embarrassing me, man.
[SIGHS.]
Got a lot to catch up on, brah.
- Do you want a drink? Let's get a drink.
- Oh.
Yeah.
- [GIGGLING.]
- Oi! We We called it quits, ages ago.
She was tryin' to get married.
I ain't ready for all that.
So Sorry, mate.
I had no idea.
I've only been back ten minutes, I've already made a tit of myself.
Yeah, but you always do that, so it's fine.
I always thought you were punchin'.
Pu Me, punchin'? [LAUGHS.]
Listen, how Sara hasn't figured out that a world-class DJ like her could do far better than a loser like you Well, have you seen that? I hope Gabrielle looks way more like her mum than she looks like you.
Listen, I've got some news to tell you.
I'm movin' back to London, for good.
- What? Why? - All right.
I thought you'd be happy.
No, I am.
I'm No, wicked! Whoop whoop! Er, but why would you leave Hollywood for here? 'Cause here This is my home.
Sara can make her music anywhere, and I wanna do a little bit of theater.
- So - Oh, right, treadin' the boards.
Most of all, Gabs is getting older.
You know, I want her to meet some real people.
Settle down, go to a proper school.
Not Haverstock.
Please don't say Haverstock.
- No, I said a proper school.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Somewhere she won't get her arse kicked.
- You never got your arse kicked.
- What are you talking about? - A guy pushed you over one time.
- He was in a sick form.
- I was spark out.
- I decked him, that was the end of it.
Charlie, you know I said I was gonna pay you 50 quid, yeah? But, er No, no, honestly, Neil, shut up.
- [LAUGHING.]
No.
- Are you serious? - As if I'm gonna charge a mate.
- Oh, thanks, man.
Yeah, course, man.
Put that money in the honeymoon jar.
- I love you, man.
I love you as well.
- [LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
Well done, mate.
Hey.
I got married.
- You got married.
- I know! - Proper got married.
- She's gonna wake up and realize too.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
You're a good man, Charlie.
- Great to see you.
Come here.
- Oh, man.
It's good to see you, bro.
Celebrate good times, come on Let's celebrate There's a party goin' on right here - A celebration - Hi! To last throughout the years - Come on! Whoo, whoo! - So bring your good times - And your laughter too - Yeah! - We gonna celebrate - [CHEERING.]
- Your party with you - That was easy.
- Come on, now - Celebration - DJ Ayo! - Let's all celebrate What, you got Coldplay lined up? You've got star power, man.
Are you bouncing? I I've got to go.
- Sorry, I didn't wanna interrupt your set.
- Hold on, hold on.
Hold on.
Erm That song's got eight minutes, so We should definitely have a drink, yeah? Yeah.
Why don't you come round the house? Meet Gabrielle and Sara properly.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I'd love that.
- Great.
- Love that, yeah.
- Beautiful.
- Great seeing you, bro.
- Same here.
- See you, mate.
- Nice to see you.
See you later.
Man like David! Whoo-hoo! We gonna celebrate, now Whoo-hoo! Celebrate good times, come on [WOMAN.]
Oh! [LAUGHS.]
[CHARLIE.]
Let me play some vinyl.
Erm Oh, oh! Can you play the er, sexy time playlist on Spotify? - Spotify? - Yeah.
No, man.
Spotify is digital, man.
This is analog.
- It's smooth.
It sounds nicer.
- Yeah, but it's killing my vibe.
What are you talkin' about? No, don't touch that.
- That's better.
[CHUCKLES.]
- All right.
[DOOR OPENS.]
- [LYDIA.]
Charlie! - What you doin'? - [GASPS.]
- Keep the noise down.
- Ouch! Can't you knock? - Knock for what? Am I a Jehovah's Witness? - Ah! Hello, Dawn.
- God.
- Hello, Auntie.
- Do you know each other? Do I know Dawn? Ah! Small, small Dawn? - Peed her pants in church Dawn, eh? - Okay.
- I was three.
- [GASPS.]
What are you doing here? What the fuck are you doin' in my room, bro? Listen, hear me now, yeah? I swear, my eyes was closed.
I didn't see anything.
Even if I did wanna see somethin', I'm facin' the - Look where I'm facin'.
- What? Listen.
He's right about the analog.
- You're right about that.
It's better.
- I know.
But now's not the time, man, because you're scarin' my girl.
Get out! Charlie, let's do this another time, yeah? No.
Hey, don't do that.
Don't do that! - Sorry about that, Dawn.
It's an accident.
- Let me help you with that.
No.
- And, eh, greet your mother for me, eh? - Come on.
- And you still owe me money for the meter! - Out, out! Fuck sake! Er, give me a sec.
Yeah, Bye.
Come on, mate.
Sorry, I'm just on the phone.
- Come in.
It's good to see you.
- How are you? - I'll be I'll be, like, ten minutes.
- No worries.
Have a look around.
Gabs is here somewhere.
- Mate, you've gotta check out the studio.
- There's a studio? In the house? - There's one in the basement.
- What? You'll love it.
Sorry, I'll be with you in a minute.
Nice gaff.
Wow! There's a lot of vintage synth that I wanna go through.
[MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES.]
- Oh! - Hey.
- You must be Charlie.
- You must be Gabrielle.
Listen.
Don't say anything.
Just shh! - [WOMAN.]
Gabrielle! - Whoa Have you seen that little - Hey.
- Sorry to disturb you when you're working.
- Nope, wasn't working.
- Have you seen the child? Er - Nope.
Nope, no child.
- [SIGHS.]
She has taken something of a personal value to me.
- Oh, yeah? - So if you see her, - please let me know immediately.
- Yessss - [WOMAN.]
Gabrielle! - What did you take? I mean, she's furious.
[BUZZING.]
- [MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH PHONE.]
- See? Look, top left.
- Oh, yeah.
- That's me doing the floss - before anyone else.
- It is you! So, technically, it should be called the Gab.
All right! Are you still telling everyone you invented the floss? Yeah, because I did.
- Charlie it's so nice to meet you.
- Face to face, I know, I know.
Ooh, I haven't heard this track in years.
- Is that Ibiza 2012? - It is.
I saw you play Space, I was there.
- No way! - Big! Why didn't you tell us? I would have loved to have seen you.
Oh, man, I was off my face, probably.
[CHUCKLES.]
No, I love this tune, man.
The The drop comes out of nowhere.
Bah, bah, bah Charlie was playing the wedding last night.
- He was killing it! - It wasn't my normal gig.
- Just a favor for a mate, you know.
- Music is music, right? Festivals, weddings we all do the same thing.
Mom's doing that thing that all successful women do.
Discrediting everything that she's achieved to make you feel less bad about yourself.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Gabs.
That's not what I'm doing.
Where's Ivana? - I can take no more of this! - No, no, no, no, no! [SPEAKING CROATIAN.]
Fucking awful child.
- Aww - Gabrielle! Apologize to Ivana and return her her [BARKS.]
[GROWLING.]
- [BARKS.]
- [GIGGLES.]
Your child is out of control, and simply moving to London is not going to fix her.
Hey! She's just a kid.
Her age is not an excuse for the pain she inflicts! [DOOR SLAMS.]
When did we buy a dog? - Hm? - [WHIMPERS.]
- [SARA.]
Don't change the subject.
- They'll tell me they're disappointed.
- Ivana sells sex toys? - It's meant to induce shame and guilt.
- [SARA.]
I didn't want to get into it - Then they'll quiz my motives.
They went to a behavioral specialist in LA.
- Don't you feel bad? - About what? Well, your nanny.
She was upset and humiliated.
She was just a stranger who's paid to follow me around.
I think she should re-evaluate her career ambitions.
I think you're gonna get in a lot of trouble.
Mom might take away privileges, but Dad You'll see.
The only punishment on my mum's list was a good beatin'.
You're in a lot of trouble, and your father's gonna talk to you.
All right.
I'm gonna get out.
- This could get messy.
- No.
You're good.
- Really? - Yeah, yeah.
Gabs.
I love and respect you.
I don't wanna stifle your transformative adolescent journey, but please communicate your frustrations to me.
I I'm having a lot of feelings that I'm struggling to articulate.
All right, all right.
I feel like I was drawn to the dildo because of my own sexual intrigue.
That sounds like a conversation for your mum.
How about we go shopping? Want to come? [MAN.]
Down here, poppet.
Come on.
Let's shop till you drop, princess.
Yep, really? Right, well, I I can be there in, erm ten minutes.
Are you a time traveller now? [CHUCKLES.]
You joke, but Grace Gellen has just agreed to read with me for Streetcar.
So, mate, you need to do me a solid.
Can you get Gabrielle home after this? What? No! [CHUCKLES.]
Mate, come on.
What are you talkin' about? You can't leave her with me.
- Man, you've gotta help me out.
- She doesn't even know who I am.
Exactly.
She needs to get to know her Uncle Charlie.
- This will cover it.
She knows the PIN.
- What? David, all right, at least tell her that Uncle Charlie does not take any shit.
Tell her to behave herself.
She gets herself in a little bit of a state when plans change.
- She'll be fine.
All right? - David.
- You're a legend.
Great.
- What are you talking about? David! Wow.
[CHUCKLES.]
You look cute.
Bitch, please.
I look like I belong in Frozen.
- Well, a little bit.
- Where's Dad? Er, your dad, erm Er, he had to go to work.
So I said I said to him er I'll look I'll look after you.
So it's just me and you.
I can't even remember your name.
Oh, me? Er, I'm I'm Charlie.
Charlie Ayo.
Hey, erm - Gab? - What? Er Have you been to Camden Stables? No, but I have two ponies in California.
[CHARLIE.]
All right.
Here we are, Gabs.
London's finest department store.
Everything you need, right here.
Look at that.
Wait.
Wait.
You want me to wear off-the-rack? Hey, one of those dresses alone could have fed me for two three weeks straight.
- Penelope.
How you doing, babe? All right? - Darlin'.
Anyway, it's not about the cost, all right? It's just that Camden is way cooler.
So, what's your vibe? A hint of hipster, but in, like, an ironic way.
Also I need it to be ethically made, totally unique, and gender-neutral.
Boom.
And don't even think of suggesting a jumpsuit, 'cause those are logistical toilet nightmares.
Okay.
Anything else? Well, no glitter, no frills.
- I don't want anything like that.
- I've got the perfect T-shirt.
Bang.
[CHUCKLES.]
And what's this? Cyberdog, man.
[GABS CHUCKLES.]
This is my type of shop.
- All right, I'm likin' it.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [SINGING.]
- Hey! - I'm waiting for - Charlie Ayo Yay! Hey, hey - All right, cool.
- No.
[CHARLIE.]
To my London crew - [GRUNTS.]
- Hey! All right.
Here we go.
- Hah! - Wait a second, wait a second.
Ohh! Garage crew, LUV, V Aaah! Charlie? To my MC crew, LUV - What? - [CHUCKLES.]
Where'd you get that? I It was in It was in the pile.
You were a singer? - LUV - Yo! Hey, hey.
Oh, sorry, darling.
Sorry about that.
- [MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH PHONE.]
- Look at this bit, this bit.
[LAUGHS.]
Is this you when you were a pop star? This is so amazingly cringy.
I was a massive deal, okay? Big superstar for the summer.
One day, I'm gonna be right back up there on the charts.
I think it's awesome you haven't given up on your dreams.
- Oh, really? - I think you're cute.
You're funny.
This is where me and your dad used to hang out when we were bunkin' off school.
[GABS LAUGHS.]
He wouldn't be caught dead here now.
It's cool, though.
Yeah, it's definitely not like bein' in LA with your friends, eh? I don't really have friends.
Is that 'cause you treat 'em like you treat your nannies? - No.
- Yeah.
I've just never been to a proper school.
I had a tutor on Mom's tours, but I start first time next week.
Good.
What was Dad like when he was my age? - I don't think he'd want me to tell you.
- [GASPS.]
Why? Was he naughty? - Did he have loads of girlfriends? - No, he was a loser.
Proper loser.
Every time he used to talk to a girl, he used to get the hiccups.
- [GIGGLES.]
- And, like, really sweaty palms.
- Like, "Eww, man, get off me".
- Ew, that's disgusting! - You do too! - No I don't, I'm smooth.
That doesn't sound at all like my dad.
How did you two stop being best friends? I mean He moved to LA.
Got famous, got really, really busy.
He used to send me pictures, though.
He sent me pictures of you when you were a baby.
Oh, my God, you were such a cute ugly baby.
Jokin', I'm jokin'.
But he's back now, so might be easier to hang out, I think.
Moving to London was supposed to mean that Mom and Dad had more free time.
But they don't.
So don't go buying BFF bracelets just yet.
Hey, listen.
I think you're really lucky to have hard-workin', successful, talented parents that loved your little baby afro.
No, seriously I do.
Am I? [DANCE TRACK PLAYING.]
That's good.
Mom! Mom, we're home.
He abandoned you at Liberty.
It's fine.
It's no biggie.
- We had an average time.
- Hey, I thought we had a great time.
We had fun, right? An average time for Gabs is awesome.
The last time she had an average time was her tenth birthday when we went hot-air ballooning over the Grand Canyon.
- Wow! - I'm gonna try my new clothes on.
[SARA.]
Okay! I can't believe David left you with her.
- It's fine.
- At least you got to see her sweet side.
I didn't want you to think we're bad parents, letting her run around wild with vibrators.
She wasn't too bad, was she? No, she was cool.
We had fun.
We did.
Let me give you some money for that gear you bought.
No, no, no, we used David's card, it's fine.
Well, let me pay you.
I mean, your time is valuable.
No, don't be silly, that's my best mate's kid.
I can't.
I insist.
- No.
- Don't make this awkward.
All right, but I'm gonna give it back to you for studio time.
- Ah! - [WOMAN.]
Hold on.
Babes.
I finally got through to Layla Valentine.
- [WHISPERS.]
Layla Valentine.
- Whoa! I, uh - No problem.
- Okay.
[EXHALES.]
Hey, it's me.
No, what's goin' on? Out.
I wanna get some here.
Sweet.
Layla, it's gonna be the song of the summer.
[GABS.]
Mom! I'm gonna drop it in Ibiza.
[INAUDIBLE.]
- Ooh! Cool lamp.
- I got it in Camden Market.
I heard about your adventures.
I'm sorry I had to bail on shopping, but I got you something special.
Ooh.
Cool.
Aww, thanks, Dad.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sweet dreams.
Good night, babe.
Night.
Oh, there it is.
[PHONE RINGS.]
David.
Hi, mate.
Er, sorry about today, leaving in the lurch with the little nutter.
No, don't worry.
We had a lot of fun.
[CHUCKLES.]
Good, good, good.
Listen, you around tomorrow morning? We want to talk to you about something.
Ah, right.
Is this about me telling Gabs you were a bit of a loser when we were kids? What? No.
I wasn't a loser.
- What are you talkin' about? - [LAUGHS.]
If you say so, mate.
No, erm, what do you wanna talk about? Oh, it's Sara, she wants to talk to you about a job.
Mate, it could be really cool.
We'll tell you about it tomorrow.
And, erm, thank you again for today.
No worries, bro.
I love that you and my little girl are gettin' on so well already.
All right, mate, good night.
Okay, mate, yeah, cool.
Yes! A nanny.
You you want me to be a nanny.
Gabs had such a good time with you yesterday, and it's been so hectic since the move.
Mate, we're desperate.
I'm I'm sick of having strangers watch my kid.
And you and David grew up together.
- It's like you're family.
- Yeah, but kids ain't my thing.
Kids get on my ner Kids stink.
N Not you, of course.
It's just until we get settled in.
That's all.
Does that work? I Pfft.
Let's ask Gab? Gab, what do you think? Really? Well, see? Mate, we don't wanna hire another random nanny for her to hate.
- You saw what she did last time.
- What if she hates me? She doesn't hate you.
She already loves you.
And we'll pay, obviously.
I mean, a lot.
Sara.
Miss Layla Valentine is in the building.
- Oh, my God! - Hi, Sara! Charlie, is that all right? - Thanks for coming.
- [SIGHS.]
- How are you doing? - Good.
You owe me, man, you owe me big time.
- Yes.
Thank you, thank you.
- Please come with me.
I have to get her on this album, please.
- Thank you, Charlie.
- Saved us.
- [SARA.]
Be good, Gabs.
- Meet the new Manny.
Don't call me that.
Wait, what? [FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING.]
So, it looks like it's you and me, kid.
Do you know how long, on average, it takes me to make a nanny quit? Yeah, but I'm not the new nanny.
I'm a friend of the family, so we're like mates.
- What is that? - Now Where shall we start? - No No! - Be sincere - Oh - Be sincere - Oh - Be sincere - Oh - Be sincere Oh Oh - Oh - Be sincere Oh Oh Oh Be sincere Be sincere
Charlie Ayo Makin' love to you, baby I'm feelin' the dub - I'm feelin' the sound - My groovy crew groove all day To a new gang crew - Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Fuck! - [MUSIC SLOWS TO A STOP.]
- [SIGHS.]
- [FOOTSTEPS.]
- Three, two - [BOTH.]
One - Charlie.
- Yeah? They have taken the lights.
- No one's taken anything, Lydia.
Relax.
- Ah, ah, ah! Hey! Who is Lydia? - It is - [BOTH.]
Auntie Lydia.
How many times must I repeat it? Where is my cash monies for the electricity key? I've got a gig, tonight, okay? So I'll pay it, later.
- I promise you.
- Ah, okay, okay.
Is it a big rave? Nah, it's just Neil's weddin', that's all.
Neil, Neil? A person actually agreed to marry him? I hope it's not mates' rates, eh? 'Cause that won't pay the bills.
Oh, no.
Mm-mm.
I don't like this flavor.
You know my favorite is lemon.
Listen, you're smoking marijuana, and it's free.
- Why are you complaining? - Shut up your mouth.
Charlie! - Yeah? - My cash monies, please.
Yeah, no worries.
[SIGHS.]
Right, I've gotta go.
Please, Charlie, let man come with you, please.
You're not invited, Dell.
Bro, it's a Nigerian weddin', yeah? Neil is not Nigerian.
His wife is Nigerian, and everyone is invited to a Nigerian wedding.
- You know the rules.
- What are you talkin' about? I cannot believe David is invited and I'm not, yeah? If I was some famous actor, your man Neil would be beggin' me to make an appearance.
Hey, listen.
David is invited because he's our best mate from school, and you are just a groupie from Charlie Ayo.
Are you sure it's not 'cause he's got a Ferrari? He hasn't got a Ferrari.
Listen, yeah.
Alicia's comin' tonight, yeah? Check me out, though.
Gotta look sweet, so she can see what she's missin'.
You've gotta let her go, man.
And, to be fair, she ain't missin' much, bro.
Yeah? Her new man put a ring on her finger.
- He's a hedge fund manager - [LYDIA.]
Charlie! Come and flush your shit in this toilet! It's a big one! [CHUCKLES.]
And he don't live with his auntie neither, so - [CLICKS FINGERS.]
- Get out.
- Huh? - Right now.
- I didn't leave a shit.
- You did.
- I did, but I thought I flushed it.
- Well, flush it! Go get your poo, man.
[MAN.]
I know it wasn't easy for you to invite me, but it means so much.
Honestly, I'm really grateful.
It means so much to me.
Thanks a lot.
["YOU SEXY THING (I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES)" BY HOT CHOCOLATE PLAYING.]
Two minutes.
Okay? Evening, yeah.
You all right? Hey! - Congratulations! - Hey! - Yeah.
- Cheers, man.
Neil! You know you got married! - Hey, big man.
- How you doin', man? - Looking good, mate.
Looking good.
- Yeah, man, I'm there.
Aaah I'm not used to him gettin' all the girls.
- Yeah, you don't see it.
- Here he is.
- Here comes Mr.
Movie Star.
- [LAUGHING.]
- Thank you for coming.
- Oh! - Really appreciate it.
Thank you.
- Oh, oh! - Good to see you.
- Hey, man.
- Oh! - What's happenin'? - Yes, brother.
- You good? Yeah, I'm well.
I'm proud of you.
You did it! Hey, there's nothin' to be proud of.
Marriage is a trap.
- What? - Says the man who was married twice.
- How old are you? - I peaked too early, yeah? - Mate, did you read the invite? - What? It's black tie.
You're wearing a burgundy suit and trainers! [ALL LAUGHING.]
Wow! There she is.
- Whoa.
- Lookin' lovely, Alicia.
- Check you out! - Thank you.
- Nice! You let him dress like that? - No, no - You trying to match? - It's not like that.
No Next time it's gotta be you two down the aisle, surely.
- No.
- What do you mean? - What? Come on - You're embarrassing me, man.
[SIGHS.]
Got a lot to catch up on, brah.
- Do you want a drink? Let's get a drink.
- Oh.
Yeah.
- [GIGGLING.]
- Oi! We We called it quits, ages ago.
She was tryin' to get married.
I ain't ready for all that.
So Sorry, mate.
I had no idea.
I've only been back ten minutes, I've already made a tit of myself.
Yeah, but you always do that, so it's fine.
I always thought you were punchin'.
Pu Me, punchin'? [LAUGHS.]
Listen, how Sara hasn't figured out that a world-class DJ like her could do far better than a loser like you Well, have you seen that? I hope Gabrielle looks way more like her mum than she looks like you.
Listen, I've got some news to tell you.
I'm movin' back to London, for good.
- What? Why? - All right.
I thought you'd be happy.
No, I am.
I'm No, wicked! Whoop whoop! Er, but why would you leave Hollywood for here? 'Cause here This is my home.
Sara can make her music anywhere, and I wanna do a little bit of theater.
- So - Oh, right, treadin' the boards.
Most of all, Gabs is getting older.
You know, I want her to meet some real people.
Settle down, go to a proper school.
Not Haverstock.
Please don't say Haverstock.
- No, I said a proper school.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Somewhere she won't get her arse kicked.
- You never got your arse kicked.
- What are you talking about? - A guy pushed you over one time.
- He was in a sick form.
- I was spark out.
- I decked him, that was the end of it.
Charlie, you know I said I was gonna pay you 50 quid, yeah? But, er No, no, honestly, Neil, shut up.
- [LAUGHING.]
No.
- Are you serious? - As if I'm gonna charge a mate.
- Oh, thanks, man.
Yeah, course, man.
Put that money in the honeymoon jar.
- I love you, man.
I love you as well.
- [LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
Well done, mate.
Hey.
I got married.
- You got married.
- I know! - Proper got married.
- She's gonna wake up and realize too.
[BOTH LAUGHING.]
You're a good man, Charlie.
- Great to see you.
Come here.
- Oh, man.
It's good to see you, bro.
Celebrate good times, come on Let's celebrate There's a party goin' on right here - A celebration - Hi! To last throughout the years - Come on! Whoo, whoo! - So bring your good times - And your laughter too - Yeah! - We gonna celebrate - [CHEERING.]
- Your party with you - That was easy.
- Come on, now - Celebration - DJ Ayo! - Let's all celebrate What, you got Coldplay lined up? You've got star power, man.
Are you bouncing? I I've got to go.
- Sorry, I didn't wanna interrupt your set.
- Hold on, hold on.
Hold on.
Erm That song's got eight minutes, so We should definitely have a drink, yeah? Yeah.
Why don't you come round the house? Meet Gabrielle and Sara properly.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I'd love that.
- Great.
- Love that, yeah.
- Beautiful.
- Great seeing you, bro.
- Same here.
- See you, mate.
- Nice to see you.
See you later.
Man like David! Whoo-hoo! We gonna celebrate, now Whoo-hoo! Celebrate good times, come on [WOMAN.]
Oh! [LAUGHS.]
[CHARLIE.]
Let me play some vinyl.
Erm Oh, oh! Can you play the er, sexy time playlist on Spotify? - Spotify? - Yeah.
No, man.
Spotify is digital, man.
This is analog.
- It's smooth.
It sounds nicer.
- Yeah, but it's killing my vibe.
What are you talkin' about? No, don't touch that.
- That's better.
[CHUCKLES.]
- All right.
[DOOR OPENS.]
- [LYDIA.]
Charlie! - What you doin'? - [GASPS.]
- Keep the noise down.
- Ouch! Can't you knock? - Knock for what? Am I a Jehovah's Witness? - Ah! Hello, Dawn.
- God.
- Hello, Auntie.
- Do you know each other? Do I know Dawn? Ah! Small, small Dawn? - Peed her pants in church Dawn, eh? - Okay.
- I was three.
- [GASPS.]
What are you doing here? What the fuck are you doin' in my room, bro? Listen, hear me now, yeah? I swear, my eyes was closed.
I didn't see anything.
Even if I did wanna see somethin', I'm facin' the - Look where I'm facin'.
- What? Listen.
He's right about the analog.
- You're right about that.
It's better.
- I know.
But now's not the time, man, because you're scarin' my girl.
Get out! Charlie, let's do this another time, yeah? No.
Hey, don't do that.
Don't do that! - Sorry about that, Dawn.
It's an accident.
- Let me help you with that.
No.
- And, eh, greet your mother for me, eh? - Come on.
- And you still owe me money for the meter! - Out, out! Fuck sake! Er, give me a sec.
Yeah, Bye.
Come on, mate.
Sorry, I'm just on the phone.
- Come in.
It's good to see you.
- How are you? - I'll be I'll be, like, ten minutes.
- No worries.
Have a look around.
Gabs is here somewhere.
- Mate, you've gotta check out the studio.
- There's a studio? In the house? - There's one in the basement.
- What? You'll love it.
Sorry, I'll be with you in a minute.
Nice gaff.
Wow! There's a lot of vintage synth that I wanna go through.
[MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES.]
- Oh! - Hey.
- You must be Charlie.
- You must be Gabrielle.
Listen.
Don't say anything.
Just shh! - [WOMAN.]
Gabrielle! - Whoa Have you seen that little - Hey.
- Sorry to disturb you when you're working.
- Nope, wasn't working.
- Have you seen the child? Er - Nope.
Nope, no child.
- [SIGHS.]
She has taken something of a personal value to me.
- Oh, yeah? - So if you see her, - please let me know immediately.
- Yessss - [WOMAN.]
Gabrielle! - What did you take? I mean, she's furious.
[BUZZING.]
- [MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH PHONE.]
- See? Look, top left.
- Oh, yeah.
- That's me doing the floss - before anyone else.
- It is you! So, technically, it should be called the Gab.
All right! Are you still telling everyone you invented the floss? Yeah, because I did.
- Charlie it's so nice to meet you.
- Face to face, I know, I know.
Ooh, I haven't heard this track in years.
- Is that Ibiza 2012? - It is.
I saw you play Space, I was there.
- No way! - Big! Why didn't you tell us? I would have loved to have seen you.
Oh, man, I was off my face, probably.
[CHUCKLES.]
No, I love this tune, man.
The The drop comes out of nowhere.
Bah, bah, bah Charlie was playing the wedding last night.
- He was killing it! - It wasn't my normal gig.
- Just a favor for a mate, you know.
- Music is music, right? Festivals, weddings we all do the same thing.
Mom's doing that thing that all successful women do.
Discrediting everything that she's achieved to make you feel less bad about yourself.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Gabs.
That's not what I'm doing.
Where's Ivana? - I can take no more of this! - No, no, no, no, no! [SPEAKING CROATIAN.]
Fucking awful child.
- Aww - Gabrielle! Apologize to Ivana and return her her [BARKS.]
[GROWLING.]
- [BARKS.]
- [GIGGLES.]
Your child is out of control, and simply moving to London is not going to fix her.
Hey! She's just a kid.
Her age is not an excuse for the pain she inflicts! [DOOR SLAMS.]
When did we buy a dog? - Hm? - [WHIMPERS.]
- [SARA.]
Don't change the subject.
- They'll tell me they're disappointed.
- Ivana sells sex toys? - It's meant to induce shame and guilt.
- [SARA.]
I didn't want to get into it - Then they'll quiz my motives.
They went to a behavioral specialist in LA.
- Don't you feel bad? - About what? Well, your nanny.
She was upset and humiliated.
She was just a stranger who's paid to follow me around.
I think she should re-evaluate her career ambitions.
I think you're gonna get in a lot of trouble.
Mom might take away privileges, but Dad You'll see.
The only punishment on my mum's list was a good beatin'.
You're in a lot of trouble, and your father's gonna talk to you.
All right.
I'm gonna get out.
- This could get messy.
- No.
You're good.
- Really? - Yeah, yeah.
Gabs.
I love and respect you.
I don't wanna stifle your transformative adolescent journey, but please communicate your frustrations to me.
I I'm having a lot of feelings that I'm struggling to articulate.
All right, all right.
I feel like I was drawn to the dildo because of my own sexual intrigue.
That sounds like a conversation for your mum.
How about we go shopping? Want to come? [MAN.]
Down here, poppet.
Come on.
Let's shop till you drop, princess.
Yep, really? Right, well, I I can be there in, erm ten minutes.
Are you a time traveller now? [CHUCKLES.]
You joke, but Grace Gellen has just agreed to read with me for Streetcar.
So, mate, you need to do me a solid.
Can you get Gabrielle home after this? What? No! [CHUCKLES.]
Mate, come on.
What are you talkin' about? You can't leave her with me.
- Man, you've gotta help me out.
- She doesn't even know who I am.
Exactly.
She needs to get to know her Uncle Charlie.
- This will cover it.
She knows the PIN.
- What? David, all right, at least tell her that Uncle Charlie does not take any shit.
Tell her to behave herself.
She gets herself in a little bit of a state when plans change.
- She'll be fine.
All right? - David.
- You're a legend.
Great.
- What are you talking about? David! Wow.
[CHUCKLES.]
You look cute.
Bitch, please.
I look like I belong in Frozen.
- Well, a little bit.
- Where's Dad? Er, your dad, erm Er, he had to go to work.
So I said I said to him er I'll look I'll look after you.
So it's just me and you.
I can't even remember your name.
Oh, me? Er, I'm I'm Charlie.
Charlie Ayo.
Hey, erm - Gab? - What? Er Have you been to Camden Stables? No, but I have two ponies in California.
[CHARLIE.]
All right.
Here we are, Gabs.
London's finest department store.
Everything you need, right here.
Look at that.
Wait.
Wait.
You want me to wear off-the-rack? Hey, one of those dresses alone could have fed me for two three weeks straight.
- Penelope.
How you doing, babe? All right? - Darlin'.
Anyway, it's not about the cost, all right? It's just that Camden is way cooler.
So, what's your vibe? A hint of hipster, but in, like, an ironic way.
Also I need it to be ethically made, totally unique, and gender-neutral.
Boom.
And don't even think of suggesting a jumpsuit, 'cause those are logistical toilet nightmares.
Okay.
Anything else? Well, no glitter, no frills.
- I don't want anything like that.
- I've got the perfect T-shirt.
Bang.
[CHUCKLES.]
And what's this? Cyberdog, man.
[GABS CHUCKLES.]
This is my type of shop.
- All right, I'm likin' it.
- [LAUGHS.]
- [SINGING.]
- Hey! - I'm waiting for - Charlie Ayo Yay! Hey, hey - All right, cool.
- No.
[CHARLIE.]
To my London crew - [GRUNTS.]
- Hey! All right.
Here we go.
- Hah! - Wait a second, wait a second.
Ohh! Garage crew, LUV, V Aaah! Charlie? To my MC crew, LUV - What? - [CHUCKLES.]
Where'd you get that? I It was in It was in the pile.
You were a singer? - LUV - Yo! Hey, hey.
Oh, sorry, darling.
Sorry about that.
- [MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH PHONE.]
- Look at this bit, this bit.
[LAUGHS.]
Is this you when you were a pop star? This is so amazingly cringy.
I was a massive deal, okay? Big superstar for the summer.
One day, I'm gonna be right back up there on the charts.
I think it's awesome you haven't given up on your dreams.
- Oh, really? - I think you're cute.
You're funny.
This is where me and your dad used to hang out when we were bunkin' off school.
[GABS LAUGHS.]
He wouldn't be caught dead here now.
It's cool, though.
Yeah, it's definitely not like bein' in LA with your friends, eh? I don't really have friends.
Is that 'cause you treat 'em like you treat your nannies? - No.
- Yeah.
I've just never been to a proper school.
I had a tutor on Mom's tours, but I start first time next week.
Good.
What was Dad like when he was my age? - I don't think he'd want me to tell you.
- [GASPS.]
Why? Was he naughty? - Did he have loads of girlfriends? - No, he was a loser.
Proper loser.
Every time he used to talk to a girl, he used to get the hiccups.
- [GIGGLES.]
- And, like, really sweaty palms.
- Like, "Eww, man, get off me".
- Ew, that's disgusting! - You do too! - No I don't, I'm smooth.
That doesn't sound at all like my dad.
How did you two stop being best friends? I mean He moved to LA.
Got famous, got really, really busy.
He used to send me pictures, though.
He sent me pictures of you when you were a baby.
Oh, my God, you were such a cute ugly baby.
Jokin', I'm jokin'.
But he's back now, so might be easier to hang out, I think.
Moving to London was supposed to mean that Mom and Dad had more free time.
But they don't.
So don't go buying BFF bracelets just yet.
Hey, listen.
I think you're really lucky to have hard-workin', successful, talented parents that loved your little baby afro.
No, seriously I do.
Am I? [DANCE TRACK PLAYING.]
That's good.
Mom! Mom, we're home.
He abandoned you at Liberty.
It's fine.
It's no biggie.
- We had an average time.
- Hey, I thought we had a great time.
We had fun, right? An average time for Gabs is awesome.
The last time she had an average time was her tenth birthday when we went hot-air ballooning over the Grand Canyon.
- Wow! - I'm gonna try my new clothes on.
[SARA.]
Okay! I can't believe David left you with her.
- It's fine.
- At least you got to see her sweet side.
I didn't want you to think we're bad parents, letting her run around wild with vibrators.
She wasn't too bad, was she? No, she was cool.
We had fun.
We did.
Let me give you some money for that gear you bought.
No, no, no, we used David's card, it's fine.
Well, let me pay you.
I mean, your time is valuable.
No, don't be silly, that's my best mate's kid.
I can't.
I insist.
- No.
- Don't make this awkward.
All right, but I'm gonna give it back to you for studio time.
- Ah! - [WOMAN.]
Hold on.
Babes.
I finally got through to Layla Valentine.
- [WHISPERS.]
Layla Valentine.
- Whoa! I, uh - No problem.
- Okay.
[EXHALES.]
Hey, it's me.
No, what's goin' on? Out.
I wanna get some here.
Sweet.
Layla, it's gonna be the song of the summer.
[GABS.]
Mom! I'm gonna drop it in Ibiza.
[INAUDIBLE.]
- Ooh! Cool lamp.
- I got it in Camden Market.
I heard about your adventures.
I'm sorry I had to bail on shopping, but I got you something special.
Ooh.
Cool.
Aww, thanks, Dad.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sweet dreams.
Good night, babe.
Night.
Oh, there it is.
[PHONE RINGS.]
David.
Hi, mate.
Er, sorry about today, leaving in the lurch with the little nutter.
No, don't worry.
We had a lot of fun.
[CHUCKLES.]
Good, good, good.
Listen, you around tomorrow morning? We want to talk to you about something.
Ah, right.
Is this about me telling Gabs you were a bit of a loser when we were kids? What? No.
I wasn't a loser.
- What are you talkin' about? - [LAUGHS.]
If you say so, mate.
No, erm, what do you wanna talk about? Oh, it's Sara, she wants to talk to you about a job.
Mate, it could be really cool.
We'll tell you about it tomorrow.
And, erm, thank you again for today.
No worries, bro.
I love that you and my little girl are gettin' on so well already.
All right, mate, good night.
Okay, mate, yeah, cool.
Yes! A nanny.
You you want me to be a nanny.
Gabs had such a good time with you yesterday, and it's been so hectic since the move.
Mate, we're desperate.
I'm I'm sick of having strangers watch my kid.
And you and David grew up together.
- It's like you're family.
- Yeah, but kids ain't my thing.
Kids get on my ner Kids stink.
N Not you, of course.
It's just until we get settled in.
That's all.
Does that work? I Pfft.
Let's ask Gab? Gab, what do you think? Really? Well, see? Mate, we don't wanna hire another random nanny for her to hate.
- You saw what she did last time.
- What if she hates me? She doesn't hate you.
She already loves you.
And we'll pay, obviously.
I mean, a lot.
Sara.
Miss Layla Valentine is in the building.
- Oh, my God! - Hi, Sara! Charlie, is that all right? - Thanks for coming.
- [SIGHS.]
- How are you doing? - Good.
You owe me, man, you owe me big time.
- Yes.
Thank you, thank you.
- Please come with me.
I have to get her on this album, please.
- Thank you, Charlie.
- Saved us.
- [SARA.]
Be good, Gabs.
- Meet the new Manny.
Don't call me that.
Wait, what? [FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING.]
So, it looks like it's you and me, kid.
Do you know how long, on average, it takes me to make a nanny quit? Yeah, but I'm not the new nanny.
I'm a friend of the family, so we're like mates.
- What is that? - Now Where shall we start? - No No! - Be sincere - Oh - Be sincere - Oh - Be sincere - Oh - Be sincere Oh Oh - Oh - Be sincere Oh Oh Oh Be sincere Be sincere