Unnatural History s01e01 Episode Script

Why the sudden interested in this particular project? Let me make myself clear; I have not finished the survey yet; therefore I am not going to reveal my findings to just anybody.
No, not even you.
Yes, that is final.
Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it! Where is it? The Buddha has taught that a focused mind, one that has attained samma - samadhi is like an eagle soaring in the sun, able to go anywhere.
Achieve anything.
But a mind without focus is like a moth in a monsoon, achieves nothing.
Tardy boys must prove their worthiness for a place on the mat.
Next drill.
[.]
up! Concentrate because tomorrow the best of you will be doing this with just your fingertips.
Catch, but do not kill.
What is unclear about the word kill? A thousand apologies Your Holiness for my youthful failings.
Apologize to the moth and its crushed thorax, not to me.
Henry, you have many gifts but they mean little without impulse control, discipline and the tools to use them wisely.
And from now on I promise to follow the three noble truths.
Four noble truths.
And a promise is just a word when it arrives too late as you are about to learn.
Hi mom.
Aren't supposed to be in the [ for another month? Never mind about us; what have you been up to since we have left? Nothing unusual.
Take off your robe.
Why? Just do as your mother asks.
Where have you been? I went out for a hike.
Alone, without permission when you were supposed to be in class.
I thought being out with nature might best illuminate the wisdom which lights the way toyou know, the path to enlightenment.
Henry, cut to the chase.
Okay, I went looking for those missing hikers and I was attacked.
Attacked by what? A yeti.
Okay, okay, so it was a Yak.
But who knew herbivores could be so vicious? There was plenty of room on that mountain ledge for the both of us.
And there is going to be plenty of room for you on the plane.
Plane; what plane? Who said anything about? You cannot be serious! You took off again on a mission that clearly was none of your business and you nearly got killed.
But I found the hikers and I am fine.
You have lived everywhere else in the world Henry.
It's time to go home.
Washington DC; those people cannot even vote.
This is totally unfair and I have done nothing to deserve it.
This is hard for us too; you need better role models than your mother and I have been.
Uncle Bryan and Jaspar? I have nothing in common with them.
Bryan is the principal of the best high school in the country.
What is so best about it? It is part of the National Museum complex.
A museum is just a zoo, except everything inside is already dead.
No thanks, I belong outdoors.
Remember Dante is in DC.
If there is anything you need; if you need a friend, your godfather is there for you, okay.
As a matter of fact he sent you this welcome letter.
I understand you may be moving back to a country you barely know.
If true you must have done something terribly upsetting to your parents and I cannot wait to hear every outrageous detail.
Hey, open up.
Dante? As Dr.
Morneau was such a private person I am sure he would have appreciated this moment of silence.
Uncle Bryan! Welcome to America.
You're supposed to arrive yesterday.
What happened? Missed my connection in Bangkok.
Really? Thai air called and said you tried to swap out your DC ticket for a flight to Guyana.
It was the Galapagos.
Will you please tell me what happened to my godfather? Dr.
Morneau was alone working late and he had a heart attack in his office.
Maintenance found him the next day.
I just do not believe it; Dante was as healthy as a hyena.
He climbed Mount Ararat last summer.
And did you see his body? Yes and I thought the mortuary did a respectful job.
I am sorry; I know you two were close, but these things happen.
Is that not what they always say? Look my sister asked for my help and I agreed to take you in.
So to help with the transition I have enlisted someone I can trust.
Jaspar? Jaspar? Hey dad.
What's up cuz? Sup to cuz? What is up cousin? I am sure you two boys have got a lot of catching up to do but do not make it a late night.
School starts tomorrow.
Yeah, I got a dozen texts from people talking about your dramatic entrance this morning.
Too bad Smithson High does not have a parachute club.
It is not a joke to me.
Okay.
A few house rules; no sharing gear, gitch, books, money or deodorant.
My stuff is my stuff and you ah, ah, you can park your crap over there.
What is with the attitude; what did I ever do to you? Yes! That was six years ago.
Was it? I guess when you load your shorts at your own birthday party it feels like yesterday.
Since the school is a part of the museum all the profs are like geniuses so you cannot horn swaggle them like you do everybody else.
How is it, Mr.
Tulin? Whatever, Bartlett.
Toolbox teaches Reco-Roman monotony.
Newb, pay attention - the teacher's lounge is off limits and, oh that is Jane Babbits fractal math class; she is super chill.
Chill? Laid back, mellow.
I can fill you in on who to suck up to and who to avoid.
Why would I want to suck up or avoid anyone? Because this is high school Henry; it is all about padding your resume.
Dad expects no less from you than me, so You do everything he says? Of course not, only the things he pays attention to.
Come on, hurry up.
Who cares if we are a little late? Julian Morneau, that is who.
Dante's son teaches you? Yes; he is new but he is really, really hardcore so just sit in the back and do not push him.
Welcome to Ornithology 101 Birds, birds, birds.
What can I say about birds that might capture the imagination of 20 twittering teens? What is he doing back at work the day after his father's funeral? - I knew they were strange but - Shh All you devotees of basic cable nature shows know with certainty that the cheetah is the fastest animal on earth and you are wrong; it is a bird.
Which bird? Ms.
Winek? The spine-tailed swift, also known as the white-threaded needle tail.
He has reached recorded speeds of 106 mph which is why they call it a swift.
Somebody did their summer reading.
The swift is not always the swiftest.
Is this not the young man who helped my father rest in pieces yesterday? And again I apologize for that.
For future reference Mr.
Griffin students only speak when called upon or there are consequences.
We begin in 1859, the year Darwin's Origin Of Species was published.
Now some of his theory was hatched by his observations on the importance of beak size.
Excuse me sir, but to finish, Paragrin falcons can reach speeds up to I have seen them in Java I have seen them in Java Loser.
Hey! FYI, the swift is the swiftest.
No, FIY, it is not.
The teacher was asking about level motion, not gravity assisted plunge diving.
If that was the case I could shove you out of a 747 and crown you the world's fastest beast.
You smell.
No, I do not.
You smell of curried tofu scramble.
Are you vegetarian? Who is that? Her name is Margaret Winnock.
Some people call her enig-Maggie.
Some people Okay I call her that.
Anyway her dad is a CIA operative or something; she is crazy smart.
Ever ask her out? Yes, yeah.
I mean what do I give off some kind of wuss vibe or something? What did she say? She said absolutelynothing.
She did not laugh; that is a good sign.
Yeah well I was supposed to practice my saxophone tonight but now I have to go home and read about finches, all because you had to provoke someone from whom I need an A.
I did not know he would plunge the entire class just because I did not raise my hand like a circus chimp.
Cut him some slack, his dad just died.
Yeah, and he seems real sad about that.
Julian Morneau is definitely a suspect.
As suspect? You know something the coroner does not? Not yet, but I might once I get into Dante's office and take a look at the crime scene.
Dude, he was an old man; no crime, ergo no crime scene.
Oh come oh hurry up before all the good spots are taken.
Good spots for what? The work-study program; everybody interns at the museum once a week; it is part of the school curriculum.
Don't we get any free time? Welcome to the urban jungle.
You want my advice, get a gig at the DOD.
Department of defense? Division of dinosaurs.
You should fit right in.
No, this one, in the Tesla building, where Dante's office is.
Hi.
Wait here please, I will tell you as soon as they are ready.
Henry! Good to see you again.
Sarah Campbell, Dr.
Morneau's assistant.
We met briefly in Turkey a few years back.
And more briefly more recently.
Sorry I wrecked your eulogy.
Forget it; Dante told me all about you.
I am sure he would have loved it.
But I broke his entire rib cage.
And in doing so he broke your fall and saved your life so Were you surprised he had a heart attack? Try suspicious.
What do you mean? When someone so full of life goes so suddenly maybe I am still in denial, I just I miss him.
Me too.
Mr.
Garko is ready for you now.
I am hoping you will be happy here in the doom rooms.
Doom rooms? Division of Obscure and Unknown miscellany.
When the other departments do not know what it is or where it goes, it goes here.
Unknown, like monster alligators in the sewers kind of stuff? God no, we deal in reality here.
You station is in the mail shed.
Whoa, what is this place? The museum has 100 million specifments and artifacts with more arriving every day.
Now much of it, like all this stuff, is not in our central database but that is where you come in.
Each file corresponds to an unregistered item right here in the shed.
Your job is to scan these documents into the system so people know what is where.
Question; how did all those crates get down here Where is the service elevator? Do not worry about that.
Only scientists, PhD students and military personnel get to go in there.
You think you can handle it? I guess so.
Um, what is this thing? A computer.
I am kidding.
Good, because I got a hot date with a cold mummy.
Okay I think it's a mummyat.
Can you call the guard and have him escort you out when your shift is over? Absolutely.
My life has taken a surprising turn as well.
Henry, I have made an astounding discovery; something so very, very, very close to my heart, I cannot imagine sharing with anyone but you will be the first.
So do not despair over the move my boy.
As Martin Luther King said, faith is taking the first step even when you do not see the whole staircase.
Whatever you found must have been worth killing for.
How can a killer fake heart attack? I knew it; he was murdered.
Get up punk! Once we confirmed his identity, he was perfect gentleman.
Thanks for your time and discretion officers.
Your mom warned me about your gift for you hyperbole but I had no idea.
I said I have proof.
Where is this poison blow dart? Well I had proof.
Well now you are grounded and if you do not shape up, Virginia Boys' Academy is only an hour away.
Make that 55 minutes, because when I am agitated that's how I roll.
What are you doing other than weirding the crap out of me? A form of meditation called samma - samadhi Focusing my mind and body on one singular thing.
You know if you were smart you would focus on something real like homework, or girls, or food.
When I fell on Dante's body his tongue was black and he reeked of something disgustingly familiar.
Dead body odor? No, it was poison - the same poison I tasted on that blow dart.
A poison made only by the Ifrita kowaldi bird of New Guinea.
And who has access to Ifrita toxin? The birdman of Smithson High, Julian Morneau.
Why would he want to kill his own father? Besides the fact they have not spoken to each other since Dante divorced his mother and cut him out of the will? Well if they hated each other, that's hardly a shocker.
And besides poisonous birds do not exist.
Trust me they do! The poison created deadly hallucinations.
It the shaman named Otis had not found me, I would have died of heart failure.
The centipede poison neutralized the bird toxin; unlike my godfather, I got lucky.
A witch doctor named Otis.
- You are more phobic than I remember.
- He was a healer, not a witch doctor.
Jaspar? Be right there dad.
Hey what's up dad? Just wanted to let you know I have a got a long, hideous board meeting tonight, so don't wait up for me.
What's he up to? He appears to be meditating.
What is going on inside that head of his - Buddha only knows.
Make sure he stays put.
You will not look quite so smart taking the bus to school.
Something very, very, very close to my heart - Why say 'very' three times if it wasn't a clue? It's just me! What are you doing here? - Can't talk; vocal chords crossed.
- Sorry.
Are you freaking out of your mind, breaking into a tomb? Do you have any idea how much trouble you would be in if you got caught? Yes, but wait till you see what I found.
It is just an old charm with someone's initials engraved on it.
It must have been important if it was hanging from his tribal nipple bolt.
Morneau was pierced.
That's just beyond wrong.
Whoa? It is like it turned into some kind of key.
Whoever killed Dante must have been looking for this.
FS - if I can figure out what FS means, I can figure out what this key unlocks.
You won't stop, will you? Not until I find out the truth.
Okay, play by the rules at school and when my father is around just like I do and I will help you investigate this alleged crime.
What is in it for you? My dad offered me a puppy in exchange for sharing my room and keeping you in line.
A puppy? That's all? No way.
That is why I held out for this sweet set of wheels.
And if I don't do the job I lose my new car.
You make me look good; I will make you look good.
That is unless you want to go to military school.
And you promise to help me figure this thing out? As long as it is within reason.
This is right on the periphery of reasonable.
Relax, try to center yourself.
Kind of hard under the circumstances.
Haven't you found anything yet? Nothing to link him to the murder.
There is no poison, this key does not fit anything.
What is the rush; he is napping in the teacher's lounge.
Yes napping.
I mean at some point he is going to wake up.
What was that for? Testing a potential murder weapon.
It is a straw.
Henry get out of there; get down, get down.
What is going on here? We are looking for the killer.
Yes, yes the killer - extra credit handouts from the last lecture.
They are right there.
What's that in your hand? Nothing.
Really? Then show me nothing.
Little help here Julian - found those files you wanted from your father - those heavy files.
- Thank you for handouts professor.
Calling out your prime suspect to his face dufus! You need to learn some self-control.
No, we need to learn what this thing is and fast.
Who is the smartest person you know? My dad.
Who is the smartest person you know that we can trust? Sir, please do not high five the tarkamutra, he is an ancient symbol of peace and love; not one of your homies.
Come on Maggie, we just need a minute.
It is never a minute with boys.
You may know something about birds but you know nothing about the history of your country.
Hello? Where were you raised; in a cave? Only for a year.
This talisman depicts one of the most famous vessels of the civil war, the USS Alligator was the first submarine built by the union army.
Abraham Lincoln himself witnessed it's maiden voyage.
Well what happened to it? Historians agree that it sank in a storm while being towed out to sea.
But conspiracy theorists believe it was on a secret mission.
Either way it remains missing to this day.
How do you know all this stuff? I have a photographic memory, and they sell these in the gift shop.
Only my replica is made of pot metad lacks secret mechanisms.
Find out what FS means and you could be onto something huge.
You mean the sub? I meant he million dollars of army payroll the sub was rumored to be carrying.
If by some fluke this key is real it could unlock a fortune in gold.
The Archeological Resources Protection Act says that relics like this old submarine, found on government land belong to the government, but I bet we'll get a hefty finder's fee.
That is still more money than even I know what to do with.
We are in this hunt for one reason and it is not money.
If we find this sub first we are in charge and the killer will have to come to us.
What was that? Let's get out of here! Run Jaspar! They're after me.
So let me get this straight.
You were leaving the library, there was a hit and run and the car is in the shop with minor damage.
Yes sir, that is the truth.
That's the truth? We did leave the library; someone put a hit out on us; we ran; the car is in the shop and a minor is liable for the damage.
Okay, what do you think when he sees the repair bill? By then you will have enough money to buy your own car dealership.
Whatever deal we had is off.
I am out; and so are you.
They have the key remember? No, they have Maggie's replica.
You do not know what those engravings mean or what that thing unlocks and you never will.
Faith is taking the first step even when you do not see the whole staircase.
My car has bullet holes in it; I was almost killed by masked ninjas.
Great.
First my parents quit on me and now you too.
I think you have me mixed up with someone who cares.
You are on your own.
Hey dad, wait up.
I hope you all finished your reading assignments because there is going to be a pop quiz.
Business as usual, mark the true psychopath Stop talking.
Chapter six covered the 13 finch species that Darwin brought back from the Galapagos, misidentifying most of them as either blackbirds or wrens.
I trust you will not make the same mistake Mr.
Darwin did.
This should be a breeze - when it comes to finches size matters; it's all about the beaks.
Yeah well thanks to you nature boy I only got to chapter five.
First slide Next slide Next slide Where were you two yesterday? As if you do not already know.
I know you were not reading my killer handouts.
Who are those guys? Col.
Mauer teaches military history and modern warfare and Henderson is our athletic director.
They're always like hanging out with Morneau.
What is it to you? I bet those are the three who attacked us.
We should keep an eye on them until we figure it all out.
I am late for practice.
Band dweeb in motion in the neutral zone.
How about I watch a geek seeking your missile? Mind if I borrow this? Hope you enjoyed your bean burrito Why did that guy throw a ball at your head? My father put him on academic probation last semester.
Retribution falls to me.
So why not kick him in the There are perks and irks to being a principal's son.
Okay, I can deal with it.
Thanks for being my butt posse.
Your what? Somebody you can count on to cover your rear-end; girls call them BFF'snever mind.
Henry? The F stands for Francis, the S stands for Scott.
Who was Francis Scott? Nobody but the dude who wrote the national anthem, Francis Scott Key is somebody.
I think there is a painting of Francis Scott Key in Dante's office.
So are you in or out? Tell me again why we did not use my all access pass card? Security guards, security cameras.
This is Francis Scott Key, right? - Definitely.
- As far as I can tell it is just a painting.
Great, then we are right back to where we started.
We need to look at this room like it is an archeological site.
Well I mean everything in here has to do with Dante's career - the history of transportation.
Huh.
The victor belongs to the spoils.
That does not have anything to do with transportation.
Exactly; it is a quote about greed from F.
Scott Fitzgerald, a descendant of Francis Scott Key.
His full name was Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald.
And you know all this how? I actually do my homework.
Spoils.
That is another word for treasure.
This must mean something.
Whoa; I bet this is some sort of anagram lock.
If we scramble the letters we will figure out the password.
Okay - cholesterol snot.
Okay fine.
Senile ostrich belch.
We need to think like Dante.
Lincoln.
Lincoln's historic vessel.
We are over thinking this.
Well my dad says sometimes the most difficult questions have the simplest answers.
O P E N Even when you do not see the staircase Where did you learn to track or whatever you are doing? Peruvian Amazon, Tanzania, Macedonia - wherever my parents were.
I am not very good at it.
Are you mad at them? Who? Your parents, for sending you away.
I knew how I felt when my mom moved back to France so I think they figured it was time for somebody to grow up and it was not going to be them.
I think this is it.
We have passed about a dozen of these alcoves; what is so special about this one? I smell seawater.
What is this place? A field station.
Dante must have been working this dig for weeks.
Look at all the stuff he found.
The submarine - it's right here.
There really are alligators in the sewers.
This is no treasure trove - it's a tomb.
Hey! - A little help over here.
I guess the old man could not haul this thing out himself.
Please do not let it be cannonballs.
It's too shallow.
Please do not be more cannonballs.
Property of the United States government.
That is a matter of opinion.
Julian had no interest in his father's eccentric wanderings, but I am grateful for his interest in rare bird toxins.
Henry, good to see you again What is in your hand? I knew you would come back here.
All we had to do was wait.
I trusted you.
- Dante trusted you.
- Not enough to share the spoils.
You are just like your godfather Henry - impetuous, undisciplined and shortsighted to the point of stupidity.
Now open up the fireplace again and get back down the stairs, both of you.
Better do what she says.
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
Hey look out.
Samma - samadhi! Nice timing.
Too bad you and your friend were not around to save Dante.
We are not friends; we are family and this is karmic payback.
Oh, oh Dante crossed the Sahara solo on a camel.
He unearthed a 5,000-year-old levinia - he found that submarine - he was a legend.
He was my hero.
That's who you killed for money.
What; are you just going to let her die? We catch but do not kill.
Courtesy of the division of centipedes.
The pain is temporary but excruciating.
Where is it? Where is it? USS Alligator found.
Civil war treasure discovered by the late Dante Morneau.
Museum employees confess to scientist's death.
Anonymous call leads to arrest.
What do you have to say about all this? That Henry was right about Dante.
Exactly.
I owe you an apology, Henry.
And thank you for leaving these matters to the proper authorities.
When your parents return from the field they will be pleased to know that you are still with us and that you are not at the military academy.
I cannot believe he bought it.
Everyone did.
If it is not the anonymous duo.
Excuse me? Do not both denying it; do not worry, I will not narc you out.
And FYI, I am having balsamic spaghetti squash with goat cheese for dinner.
- That sounds awesome.
- What time should we come over? My parents do not allow strays in the house; sorry.
That's us, anonymous who risked their lives and got nothing in return.
Nothing? Balance has been restored to the universe.
Bad guys are in jail, Dante has justice, museum gets the Alligator and all its contents and you get to keep your car.
A car I cannot afford to fix.
Your finder's fee.
I'm used to being an only child and I know I didn't exactly roll out the welcome wagon when you arrived but I am now completely horrified you are here.
Me too.
I will see you at home.
Well where are you going, got to be at work soon.
I have to say goodbye to somebody.
In closing Henry, remember, you come from a long line of explorers and nomadic ruffians so don't blame your parents for sending you away.
What they have really done is offer you a greater freedom than you have ever known.
I only hope you use that freedom to better yourself and the world in which you live.
Estes madas expertis musao Our dog found this strange rock after a tornado.
Now the rock is missing, the rock is growing and we don't know what to do.
Have you ever seen a rock that grows? No Senora, I have not - not yet.
Everything okay in here? I'm chill.
Super, carry on then.
Jaspar! Sup cuz?