Vanity Fair (2018) s01e01 Episode Script

1 Ladies and gentlemen, this is Vanity Fair.
Please remember, Vanity Fair is a very vain, wicked, foolish place, full of all sorts of humbug, falseness and pretension.
Not a moral place, certainly, nor a merry one, though very noisy.
A world where everyone is striving for what is not worth having.
You forget your station, Miss Sharp.
I do, yes, daily and most sincerely.
I took you in when you had nothing.
And got a very good bargain for your trouble.
It's simple, Miss Pinkerton.
If you want me to teach the girls music as well as French, you'll have to pay me proper money, or find me a situation elsewhere.
Lord knows that's what we both want most in the world.
Becky If you think that because you are clever, society will overlook your low birth I do, yes.
Why not? Then I fear the real world will come as a dreadful shock to you.
I'm the only person under your roof who has the first idea what the real world looks like.
I wanted a purebred Arab, but Papa can be so unreasonable.
My other pony is a palomino.
So jealous! I shall write to you every single day.
Oh, be sure I will never forget you.
Hush, girls, hush.
It's the last day of school, not the end of the world.
Girls! Please! For those of you leaving us today, a little memento of what my sister and I hope have been happy years - a lovely dictionary.
With a more ladylike attitude, you could have had a future here.
I'd rather beg in the streets.
Oh, yes, I see it now.
Only innocent foolishness could have led me to think I could ever make something of the daughter of an artist and an opera girl.
Miss Sharp, you shall make your way to Hampshire, there to take up your new situation as governess.
All the details are here.
Governess?! Ungrateful wretch! I am worth more than Hampshire! We shall see if Sir Pitt Crawley MP shares your opinion.
You start one week today.
An orderly queue, girls.
- Where am I to go till then? - No longer my concern.
You see? How a Christian may seek to do good, girls, only to find she has nursed a viper in her bosom.
Gosh.
You might tell your parents the headmistress they pay so well can't speak a word of French.
Free at last.
Leave it there.
Damn and blast.
I'm sure she didn't mean it, Miss Sharp.
Oh, no! Oh, Becky, please don't cry.
No, Amelia, take no notice.
It's nothing.
Room for a little one? Is that it, miss? I travel light.
For now.
This is going to be such fun! Amelia! Amelia, what are you doing? Well, poor Becky's got no-one, so she's coming home with me.
Miss Sharp has a situation.
Miss Sharp is going to Hampshire.
Poor dear girl didn't get the best start in life.
Don't make excuses for the minx.
You gave thatserpent one of my precious dictionaries.
It was only two and ninepence.
Vive la France! Vive Napoleon! Oh, I hate the whole place, Amelia.
I hope I never set eyes on that black hole again.
I wish it were in the bottom of the Thames.
I never knew you capable of such wicked, vengeful thoughts.
You are altogether too good to be true.
So that was school.
And this is the world.
Candles, miss? For King and country! Our great city.
What are your hopes of it, Amelia? I'm just like any other girl.
I want to be married and happy.
What about you? I want to make sure tomorrow is better than today.
Every day.
Thank you.
Mama! Oh, girl! You'll squeeze her to death, you ninny.
Papa! My darling, welcome home.
You've heard me speak about Becky.
Endlessly, yes, yes.
She's come to stay.
Oh, it's only for a week.
She's nowhere else to go.
What a lovely surprise! Welcome.
Come! I'll take this.
Come on through.
All the girls adored her.
And we thought her so exotic, Mama, with her wild hair and singing her little songs.
Little orphan.
All alone.
Silly thing would cry over a dead canary! Thank you.
So, as to your father, Miss Sharp.
He taught the girls drawing and painting while still in health.
Alas, our Lord saw fit to reunite him in Heaven with my beloved mama.
He was a man of great talent and virtue, and he died in my arms with a prayer on his lips.
Poor darling.
I was so very fortunate that dear Miss Pinkerton allowed me to remain at the school and gave me the opportunity of helping to teach.
Miss Pinkerton is a saint.
Oh, they love you.
I knew they would.
Oh, Amelia.
What I'd give to have parents who are so kind and fond andrich.
Oh, they're not rich.
Not really.
Papa's only a stockbroker.
I'm sure he's a very good one, but it's Jos who has the money to burn.
It's yours.
He won't mind.
He brought me two more when he came home from India.
Oh, my brother, Jos.
He's the Collector of Boggley Wollah, it's in India.
What does he collect there? Do you know, I've no idea! India sounds so - Far away - So exciting.
We're about the same size.
Let's see.
Perfect colour.
For your complexion.
Wear it at dinner.
I can't believe you never told me you've got a brother who's an Indian nabob.
Is your sister-in-law nice? Jos, married? Lord above, no! No.
My poor brother.
He's He's terrified of young ladies.
Well, I shan't let the poor soul be terrified of me.
Oh, he's early! How do I look? My hair.
Perhaps a necklace.
Maybe the cornelians.
Oh, Becky, I feel I may faint! The young lady will be pleased to see you, sir.
Oh, I thought I would die when I didn't get a letter from you for two whole weeks! Silly miss! But I'm here now.
As I promised.
Although I can't stay long.
Hello.
I think, Amelia, this gentleman is perhaps not your brother.
Oh, no! This is George, of course.
Oh, Miss Rebecca Sharp, my best friend from school.
Mr George Osborne, my best friend fromforever.
Heard a good deal about you, Mr Osborne.
The French mistress? My family fell upon hard times.
She's only here for a week.
And I so long for the two of you to love each other.
And we will.
Miss Sharp.
Mr Osborne.
Mr Jos.
- Sir.
- Osborne.
Emmy! Jos! He is impossible.
Jos! Jos! A challenge for you, Miss Sharp? Yes, we've lived here all our lives.
So your papa, the stockbroker, in this house.
- Yes.
- And his papa, the banker, in that one.
George, yes.
And his papa, Mr Osborne.
Neighbours and best friends.
But an arranged marriage is so old-fashioned.
What about falling in love and so on? We are in love, silly! Ever since we were little children.
I'd love my George if his father were a chimney sweep.
It's love that matters, isn't it? So much more than money.
Depends how much you start out with.
You don't mean that! When you find the right man He'll have lots of money, or he won't be the right man.
I hope our British curry is hot enough for you, Jos.
Mother, it's twice as good as any of my curries in India.
I made it just the way you like it.
Monkey curry, snake curry.
That's all they ever eat in Boggley Wollah, isn't that right, Jos? Don't torment the boy.
May I try some? Oh, no, Becky.
You won't like it.
Mayn't I, Mr Jos? I so want to learn about Indian dishes.
Careful, Miss Sharp.
The collector is accustomed to a lot of chilli.
- Mr Sedley - Nothing to do with me.
May I have a little glass of water? Please.
Gad.
When have you known him to be remotely interested in young ladies until now? Most fond mothers would find that a welcome development in a son of 30.
An artist's daughter.
It'sdemeaning.
Name me the young lady of good breeding who will want to accompany that great lardy loafer to India.
My son is not lardy.
He's as vain as a girl.
He's a great deal vainer than you ever were in your whole life, and that's saying something.
I beg your pardon.
- Thank you, Sam.
- Thank you.
Louisa, if the first girl to fish for him hooks him, good luck to her.
I don't care who he marries.
This little friend Amelia's is a white face, at any rate.
Better than sending him back to India, into the arms of some dusky maharani.
Better than a dozen mahogany grandchildren! Well How far can she get in a week? Mr Jos.
Hay fever.
So help me, Sam, I'm a martyr to it.
No, no.
Jos! For Amelia.
For Miss Sharp.
No, no.
The other way round.
You are kind You are kind at heart, sir, like all your loving family.
We'll take these.
I'll find a vase.
Won't be a moment.
You must have so many fascinating tales from your life in India, Mr Joseph.
And another time, this enormous wedding elephant just ran amok through the village, with a great big parasol waving violently above its head, and tusks just everywhere.
And all its fingers and toes painted.
- Fingers? - Oh, toes! They have a lot of toes, do elephants.
And tusks, of course.
Scary tusks.
I'm sure YOU were not scared.
Indeed I was not.
I think I might Well, in fact, I did.
Yes, I did I I ran out into its path, and I seized it by the bridle And prevented the deaths of so many innocent natives.
Indeed.
Indeed I did.
Definitely.
Are there many ladies in in Boggley Wollah? Ladies? Lordy, no.
It's a lonely, marshy, jungly sort of place.
I scarcely see a Christian face.
I shouldn't mind that for a minute.
Not if there were elephants and tigers and brave gentlemen.
Miss Sharp.
Becky.
Could you ever think I mean Could I ever hope Ooh, tiffin! Excellent, thank you.
Oh, it's delicious.
Yes? No.
Even though I was very quiet and ladylike, and enormously interested in India.
Tomorrow.
I know it.
Tomorrow or the next day he will declare himself.
I know nothing of Sir Pitt Crawley MP.
I cannot bear to be a governess.
I wasn't put on this earth to be a poor and friendless spinster.
I have only three days before I must leave for darkest Hampshire.
You're not going.
You're not.
It's too unfair that you should be unhappy when I am so blessed.
What are you doing? Reminding George of a promise.
Well, I don't like her.
She's a nice, gay, and merry young creature.
In fact, she's devilish like that fine girl at Dumdum that made a dead set at me.
Miss Cutler as was.
That was 10 years ago.
Didn't Miss Cutler marry the surgeon? I have a most killing flair with the ladies, George.
It would be unfair of you to suggest otherwise.
The ladies, they'll need a chaperone.
Gad.
Jos, you're the one in need of a chaperone.
At least until the departure of a certain young person with fire in her eyes.
Oh, pooh.
Nonsense.
Just the man.
The virtue of the Queen of Sheba would be safe with him.
Dobbin of ours.
I say, Dobbin.
Madness, but apparently, I promised Mr Sedley's sister - I would take her to Vauxhall.
- Vauxhall? Will you join us for a night's pleasuring? Not entirely my cup of tea.
Oh, go on, Dob.
You're going to be my best man.
You ought to at leastsee her.
Well, I have met her, haven't I? Years ago.
Your tenth birthday party.
You must remember, Emmy.
Dobbin poured an entire bowl of punch down your mother's green satin dress.
Long forgiven, dear Captain Dobbin.
- Alas, I - Y-You were so young and tiny, Miss Sedley.
I was big and awkward.
Still.
Dobbin.
Dobbin! The one you were at school with, George.
The one who beat off that horrid bully when you were just a little boy.
I justtook the other chap by surprise, being much taller.
Old Dob dropped that villain like a billiard ball into a pocket.
Hail Dobbin, the conquering hero.
You'll always be my hero, Captain Dobbin.
My dears.
Oh, he's been priming himself.
Damned fool.
The Collector of Boggley Wollah is pleased to offer his arm to Miss Sharp, for this evening's foray to Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens.
Welcome, Miss Sharp, to the earthly paradise that is Vauxhall Gardens.
- I intend to take it by storm, sir.
- And you shall.
It's the emperor of India himself.
Watch he don't squash you, miss! Do not be alarmed by the riff-raff, Miss Sharp, for I shall protect you.
I know it, sir.
Oh, the music's started already.
Dob, take the shawls and things, would you? Thank you.
And get the tickets.
I'll pay you back.
Careful, Miss Sharp.
- I love this place! - Absolutely thrilling, Miss Sharp.
- Get your drinks here.
- Yes, my man.
Stout?! Don't you have claret, man? They always had claret here in the old days, but now they let in any old Tom, Dick and Harry.
Oh, Mr Jos, it's the whole point of this place, as my dear papa used to say, in happier times.
The air is sweet, though, isn't it? Isn't it, Miss Sharp? Violets and roses and What's that, I can't quite I can't quite make it out.
- Thrilling, isn't it? - Thrilling.
Gad.
Ladies and gentlemen, pray raise your eyes to the heaven, and there feast them on the beautiful, the extraordinary, the ineffable courage and artistry that is, all the way from Paris, Madame Saqui! I wish we could have come alone, just the two of us.
Well, that would miss the whole point.
I thought the point was to gaze into my brown eyes while the sun sets romantically in the west.
Oh, look, I'm gazing, I'm gazing.
Oh, Mr Jos! Promise to protect me! Take my hand, Miss Sharp, and we shall ascend into the heavens together.
Bring up the rear, Osborne, would you? There's a good fella.
You're not nervous, are you, Sedley? Me? No.
The idea! Hold on tight now, ladies and gentlemen.
Hold on tight.
And up we go! Higher! Higher! It's too high already! Never too high, not for me.
I'm on top of the world.
George.
I don't think I'll ever be happier than in this moment.
I very much hope that's not true.
They've just come out of nowhere.
Are you sure you're not frightened? I'm with you, Jos.
There may be footpads and mountebanks.
And you're with me.
Oh, he's still here! One shilling and sixpence, miss.
One and six?! Vanity of vanities.
Tell me, hermit.
Shall we two be happy? I can send you a tall, dark, handsome stranger, but you'll only break his heart.
I don't really like this fortune.
Tell me another.
Give us another one and six, then.
Or bugger off, smartish.
I'm not sure this fella really is a Hindu, Becky.
Oh, tiffin.
Off we go, Miss Sharp.
I don't know about you, Miss Sharp, but I need a drink.
No, no, leave this to me.
For the ladies.
Sir, may I help? Be off with you.
I can carve better than any native.
Yes, yes.
I'll take that.
Beware, I'm very terrible when I'm roused.
Jos, for heaven's sake, let the poor fellow do his job.
- Shush.
- If there's nothing else, sir.
Rack punch! Bring rack punch.
Everyone drinks rack punch at Vauxhall.
No, Jos, please don't.
The ladies won't drink it, I don't like it, and you'llregret it.
But it's tradition! And besides, I need something to calm my nerves tonight, George, old boy.
Well, you're on your own, man.
And we'd serve What a perfect night for So, oh, Miss Sharp.
Oh, Miss Sharp! Bring another! More bright than May-day morn Whose charms all other maids she'd surpass A rose without a thorn This lass so neat with smiles so sweet Has won my right good-will I'd crown resign to call her mine Sweet lass of Richmond Hill The lass of Richmond Hill Sweet lass of Richmond Hill I'd crowns resign to call thee mi-I-I-I-ne The lass of Richmond Hill.
Thank you, thank you, you're too kind.
Oh, sing us another one, do! Encore, bravo, fat boy! If it will give the ladies pleasure.
Go on, darlin'! Ain't you gonna join in with your big beau? Please take us home.
For heaven's sake, Jos, you've had enough.
Ladies.
No, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
My dearest soul, my diddle-diddle-darling.
Jos.
No, Jos.
Jos, Jos, Jos.
No, no, no, no.
On Richmond Hill there lived a lass more bright than Go, do something.
Go! Jos, that's enough.
Dance with me, George.
Stop it.
That's enough.
Stop that.
That's enough.
My soul's delight.
My own one.
Miss Sharp, would you do me the great honour and pleasure Back off, you scoundrel! Becky, everything has gone wrong! Whose fault is that? Jos, Jos, darling.
Say it to me.
- Say it to me.
- Back away, Miss Sharp! George! That is uncalled for.
That's right.
Insult me now when there's no-one to defend me, but just you wait.
Knock him down, the swine.
Go on, darlin'! Cheeky bastard! Who's he think he is? Stop it! Be off, madam.
All of you, stop it.
George, take the ladies back to the carriage, now.
The show's over.
Come on, Becky.
Jos, we'll speak tomorrow.
Listen to me! We'll speak tomorrow! - Show's over.
- Come on.
Oh, my hat.
I can't feel my hat.
Come on.
- I adore her, Dobbin.
- I know.
- Dob-dob, I will marry her tomorrow.
- No, no.
And you shall be witness, and we'll live haffily ever after.
- Good night, emperor! - Good night! You'll do nothing of the sort and neither will I.
You know You know what the problem is, with you is? You've never been in love.
I can't send you home to Amelia in this state.
- Becky! - Come on.
Becky! Becky - Horse Guards Parade.
- Sorry, Becky.
Bloody fool.
Oh, pull over, Dobbin.
Pull over.
I'm sorry George forgot his manners tonight.
It's not like him.
Really, it isn't.
It's no surprise if he wishes your brother to marry better.
Who is better than my friend? All the women in England, it seems.
But who can blame George for wanting the best for you? You're being too kind, as always.
If there's to be any kindness in me, i shall learn it here.
I do long to join your family, Amelia.
So kind and warm and welcoming to a poor orphan.
Can you love Jos, though? As a husband? In spite of the the rack punch and the singing.
I feel sure of it.
He is kind of heart, and as for his manners, I should be the making of them.
He called you his soul's darling.
In front of everyone.
Then he must propose marriage tomorrow.
I shall be the happiest little orphan in London.
And we, too, shall be happy wives and sisters forever.
Sedley! Wake up! No, no, no Too loud.
Too loud.
I do believe I'm very terrible when I'm roused.
Terrible? You're pathetic! Oh, George, be kind.
He made a complete fool of himself and his sister with his crying and singing.
I never sing! On Richmond Hill, there lives a lass more bright than something something.
Oh, my dearest diddle-diddle-darling.
Oh, my soul's delight.
And you let her ogle you and flatter you, and Tell him, Dobbin.
There's nobody else for me.
I worship her! She worships your money.
Have mercy, George! There's nobody else for me, Dobs.
I know.
I'm a liberal man.
But I've got my pride.
And when I marry Amelia, I want a lady for my sister-in-law, not a French mistress.
Thank you.
- I'll take that.
- You will not.
It says clearly, "Miss Amelia Sedley".
Not Little Miss Who Does She Think She Is.
How can you be so rude to me when I'm a guest in this house? Not for long.
- A letter for you, Miss Sedley.
- Thank you, Sam.
It's from Jos.
He's gone to China.
Is he coming back? He begs your forgiveness.
"Entreat her to pardon and forget every word I may have uttered when excited by that fatal supper.
" Better luck in your next life.
I'm sure he'll regret it.
Jos? Or George? Clearly wasn't meant to be, and that's the end of that.
Moving on is something I do know how to do.
No.
No, don't leave.
- I'm sure we can - No.
No, we can't.
Take it.
Take both of them.
I can't bear to part with you.
My cornelians.
Please.
And be accused of stealing your jewellery? - No.
- No, Amelia.
Believe me, my desire for foreign travel shall not lead me as a convict to Australia.
- You are angry with me.
- No.
No.
Not with you.
With the world, perhaps.
Write to me.
Write to me, and I shall write to you.
I keep my letters in this box, and soon the box will be full.
And we shall meet again.
We shall.
Meanwhile, I shall be governess and learn to love every minute of it.
Yes, yes, I promise to love you forever and ever and ever, and tomorrow will be better than today.
The rich man at his castle, the poor man at his gate.
Fortunately, I'm not a man.
Drive on! Yes, indeed, miss.
Happy to be of service to such a lovely young lady.
Goodbye! Thank you for everything.
Ooh, that was a long week.
Jos will soon forget her.
Amelia will soon forget her.
It's so unfair.
She has no-one! Look, you don't know the world as I do, Emmy.
Your friend must learn her station.
How much further? We're 'ere.
Queen's Crawley.
I can't even see a house! This can't be right, coachman.
There's nobody home, but I'm expected.
Indeed you are, young lady.
By Sir Pitt Crawley MP.
Who welcomes you to his humble abode.
Sir Pitt? How can you pay a governess if you can't afford a coachman? I can afford as many as I damn well like.
But I like to drive me own horses.
And I don't like to teach me own children.
Don't mind old Gorer.
He's partial to a young lady.
Go now.
There you go.
Head on.
Where is everyone? I don't like a lot of fuss in the evening.
- And why is it so cold? - Cold?! Can't be.
We lit a fire just this afternoon.
Who's that? Oh, it's one of the Lady Crawleys.
I forget which.
Gorer, get your wormy arse off the lady's bed.
Come on.
Well, now, Miss Sharp, these shall be your quarters, and very fine they are, too, I think you'll agree.
There's a lovely view here.
In the daylight.
This was my wife's favourite room.
Where's Lady Crawley tonight? She died.
Right there in that bed.
Your face! Gets them every time.
Come on, lad! Sleep well.
- Are you sure you won't be lonely? - No, certainly not.
Mm.
Righto.