Welcome to Chippendales (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
- What's up?
- Hello.
Let's go! Go, go, go!
Hey! Hey!
- What the fuck?
- Put those back.
You're shoplifting.
You hear his accent?
"Put those back, you're shoplifting."
I will call the police.
(SNICKERS)
Tell you what,
I'll give you back one, yeah?
(MAN LAUGHING)
I'm sorry, man. Somen.
- Somen.
- Let's get out of here, man.
- He's so stupid.
- There's no reason.
MR. SINGH: Somen?
How's my favorite manager today?
Very good, sir. Thank you.
- Good, good. Glad to hear.
- Revenue is up 15% over last month.
In no small part thanks to you.
- SOMEN: I don't know about that.
- Don't be modest.
The idea of yours, the loyalty card.
- Sir, do you have a loyalty card?
- Loyalty card?
Ten fill-ups, the 11th is free.
SOMEN: It builds repeat business.
- You have a keen business mind, Somen.
- Thank you, sir.
But listen, I want you to come over
for lunch this weekend.
Sir?
Mrs. Singh is making her famous
mutton saag.
See you soon.
MR. SINGH: There was a reason
I invited you over today.
SOMEN: Oh?
Of all my managers, you are the best.
- SOMEN: Thank you, sir.
- Hard-working, reliable, clever.
So is everything to your liking?
Yes. The mutton saag is divine.
Good, good, good.
- Thank you so much for this.
- My pleasure.
Which is why I want to promote you.
- Promote me?
- To general manager.
I want you to oversee operations
to all of my seven gas stations.
I greatly appreciate your offer.
- But I'm afraid I can't accept.
- What?
I've wanted to speak with you about
this for some time now, sir.
I have made the decision to leave.
But what will you do?
How much money have you saved?
- As of Monday, $44,000.
- $44,000.
- How is that possible?
- Actually, it's $44,155.
I rounded down
because I didn't want to brag.
But you pay me $2.60 an hour.
Multiply that by 70 hours a week,
52 weeks a year, by five years,
that comes to $52,000,
of which I have managed to save 90%.
- Ninety?
- I have no social life to speak of, sir.
All I do is sleep and work.
For food, I eat expired
sandwiches from the station.
MR. SINGH: If you have $44,000,
that's nearly enough
to own your own gas station.
That's true.
So why not just work with me
for a few more years?
Sir, I do not want a gas station.
What do you mean,
you don't want a gas station?
SOMEN: That was my dream
when I came here.
But that was seven years ago.
My goals have changed.
I have changed.
NARRATOR ON TV: Steve Austin,
astronaut, a man barely alive.
MAN ON TV: Gentlemen,
we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We have the capability to make
the world's first bionic man.
Steve Austin will be that man.
Better than he was before.
Better, stronger, faster.
I'm going to start my own business.
- Not a gas station, a backgammon club.
- Backgammon?
Over three million Americans play,
yet no club exists
in all of Los Angeles.
Is this a joke?
Now imagine if there were
an establishment
where people could gather to play
in a sophisticated setting.
Velvet couches, cigar bar.
An elegant, exclusive atmosphere.
- MR. SINGH: You are serious.
- SOMEN: Quite.
And I have found the perfect location.
A failing discotheque
in West Los Angeles.
So what are you going to do
with the place?
It's going to be a backgammon club.
And I have the perfect name for it.
Destiny II.
The "II" implies it's a sequel,
projecting an air of success
onto the place.
See, people are attracted to things
they perceive as successful.
I've read that in a number
of business journals.
I'll be in my office.
No, come on.
Let's go someplace different.
This is fucking dead in here.
WOMAN: I know, but we're here.
Let's just get one drink.
Welcome. Welcome.
Right this way.
Have a seat at the bar.
Bobby, take good care of them.
Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.
What can I get for you?
- Tom Collins.
- And for the lady?
I'll have a Pink Squirrel.
- Of course.
- Excellent choices.
Thank you.
You're lucky you caught us
at an off-hour. Usually it's so busy.
- Yeah. 7:00 on a Friday?
- WOMAN: Paul
What? Just noting the time.
Oyster Perpetual?
- Yeah. You're a Rolex man?
- Very much so.
I would put the Oyster in my top three,
right alongside the Daytona
and the GMT Master II.
- One day, I hope to own one.
- Yeah. Paul Snider.
- Steve Banerjee.
- And this is Dorothy Stratten.
- Hi.
- Playmate of the month.
Paul
- Like, Playboy?
- Yeah. You're looking at Miss August.
It's on newsstands next week.
So does this mean you know Mr. Hefner?
Yeah. He's a really wonderful guy.
Yeah, Hef, he's the greatest guy,
the sweetest guy.
I can't believe I'm talking
to people who know Hugh Hefner.
You must understand.
- He's my hero. He's my role model.
- Seriously?
In fact, he is the inspiration
for this place.
I wanted to create
a sophisticated establishment
of the sort seen in Playboy.
- Well, it's a club.
- Well, I think it's really great.
When did you open it?
Four and a half months ago.
One Tom Collins, one Pink Squirrel.
Backgammon club, huh?
That's not a bad idea.
Problem is,
you got to know what you're doing.
You can't just throw up some drapes,
open the doors
and wait for the crowds
to magically pour in.
There's an art to opening a club.
There's marketing, there's publicity,
got to know who to schmooze,
how to get those bold-faced names
in the door.
Bold-faced names?
- Do you mean celebrities?
- Exactly. You get yourself
a Jimmy Caan coming in here,
plant a piece with Rona Barrett.
"The hottest place in town is "
What's this place called?
- Destiny II.
- Destiny II. Destiny II?
"The hottest spot in town is Destiny II,
where anybody who's anybody is "
You get the idea.
And you know how to do this?
Yeah, sure. It's what I do.
I'm a nightclub promoter.
One of the best in the biz. Right, babe?
DOROTHY: Yeah, he really is.
Wait.
What?
- Is there a chance?
- A chance?
You would consider coming on board?
- You mean with
- My club. Destiny II.
- With your knowledge and expertise
- No offense,
but even if I was interested,
and that is a big if,
- I doubt you could afford me.
- It's true.
I'm not in a position to offer a salary,
certainly not one suitable
to a man of your stature.
But what if I offered a stake?
- A stake?
- Of the ownership.
All right, I'll play.
What are we talking?
How does 10% sound?
That would sound insulting.
- Fifteen?
- It would still sound insulting.
Twenty-five percent?
Guy wants to give me a fourth
of his club right here on the street.
Please.
Where are they? It's been six weeks.
Not one famous person
has set foot in this club.
- They'll be here. Trust me.
- You keep saying that.
Gabe Kaplan, Telly Savalas.
- These things take time.
- Scott Baio, Gil Gerard
These are busy, important people,
all right?
You can't just snap your fingers
and expect a Gabe Kaplan to appear.
Gabe!
Paul Snider.
We met at the Fast Break premiere.
- Okay.
- Hey, good to see you.
- Didn't see you in there.
- Yeah.
Man, that Chasen's chili, huh?
Hey, congrats on that Emmy nom.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
Better not give it to
All in the Family again.
Enough already.
Kotter all the way, baby.
Kotter all the way.
This might sound like a crazy question,
but you like backgammon?
What about Hef?
I told ya,
the guy almost never leaves the mansion.
- You said he would definitely do you
- Hey!
Just trust me. All right?
We should let Bobby go early.
What time is it?
- 8:30.
- Must be later than that.
It's 8:30.
Your watch stopped.
Battery must have died or something.
What?
Rolexes don't have batteries.
- Let me see it.
- What?
- Show me your watch. Show it to me.
- No.
Show me your watch.
Get off. What the fuck is your problem?
- Your watch is fake.
- What?
- You are fake.
- Excuse me?
- You have deceived me.
- Hey.
Deceived you?
You're not a big-time
club promoter, are you?
- Look, man
- No, you look. This is not a joke to me.
This is my life. Every cent I have,
I've put into this club.
- Calm down.
- I need this!
Hey, so do I!
Look at my girl, man.
- Look at her.
- (CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
You know how many people
are hitting on her?
Directors, producers, movie stars,
the whole fucking town.
She's gonna leave me, man.
She's going to walk.
Think she'll stay if I ain't got
something going on?
I need a win, man. I need a fucking win!
- Five percent.
- What?
If you want to stay, that's your cut.
- No more 25.
- Come on, man.
Twenty-five was for a big-time
club promoter.
(SCOFFS)
- Look, what about 10?
- Five. Take it or leave it.
All right, just do me one favor.
All right?
Don't tell Dorothy.
The backgammon, it's not working.
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
Let's go! Blonde versus brunette!
Go! Come on!
Who's it gonna be? Come on!
The blonde, yeah!
Get in there now! It's a double-team!
She's down!
(CROWD CLAMORING)
(RETCHES)
DOROTHY: This is disgusting.
Could we, like, go dancing?
I'd love to shake this off.
Could I come with you?
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
(MEN CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
- This is a gay bar.
- No shit, Stevie.
Come on, baby.
Excuse me. May I please have a Coke?
- Are you almost done?
- What?
I'll be outside.
- (LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)
- (ALL CLAMORING)
Excuse me.
You're beautiful! Whoo!
Take it off!
Take it off!
That's it.
- What?
- That That's it!
- Yeah.
- Come with me.
Come!
- What are you doing? Dorothy!
- We're going outside.
Steve, Steve
Hey, hey, what's going on?
- Hey.
- A strip club for women.
- What?
- There are a million strip clubs for men
in Los Angeles,
yet not a single one for women.
- Yeah. Is this some kind of joke?
- Not at all.
That's the dumbest idea I ever heard.
- What's so dumb?
- You like looking at naked dudes?
- Of course.
- Fucking bullshit. Come on.
The male body is beautiful.
- You got that right.
- Hey, shut the fuck up.
No, I mean,
not like how we look at girls.
You know, we're dirty little dogs,
we're pervs. It's different.
I have something to tell you, Paul.
Something extremely shocking.
But women get horny.
We're every bit as lustful.
We've just had to be
in the closet about it.
With the sexual revolution thing,
it's all coming out.
Erica Jong, Deep Throat, the pill.
She's right.
There's a hole in the marketplace.
We would have something
truly unique all to ourselves.
Try it.
What's the worst that could happen?
You have an empty club.
Wanna make some money?
We got a little
business opportunity for you.
Strip club for ladies. A guy like you
could make a lot of money.
No, no.
- All right.
- 39, 40.
Pretty good.
You want to make some money?
We got a business opportunity.
Male stripping for women.
There you go. You really sold it, Steve.
It's great. Gonna make a lot of money,
have a lot of fun. Get a lot of pussy.
This guy's down with it.
Yeah, all right.
We'll see you there, Saturday.
Hey, want to bring those
guns down to Destiny II?
Strip club for ladies.
You're gonna make a lot of money.
- We pay by the pound.
- This guy's interested. I can see it.
Look at that, that's a hungry look.
We've got a business opportunity
for you. Okay?
We got a new strip club for the ladies.
Called Destiny II.
This is Steve, the manager.
You take your clothes off,
the ladies will love it.
You're gonna make a lot of money.
Destiny II. Fuck.
Hey, what about you?
You're practically naked already.
What about you?
You're gonna make bank. Come on.
New strip club opening for ladies.
Come take your clothes off,
make a lot more money. Give us a call.
Hey, ladies, got a fun time for you.
- STEVE: Four dollars.
- PAUL: Four dollars.
All the fun of a fair.
If you think the sun is hot,
wait till you see these men.
Take one for your friend.
Give you a little break from that.
Hey, why don't you take one, too?
- You deserve it.
- There you go.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
- Not terrible.
- All right.
This is incredible.
Steve, what the fuck is that?
New name for a new beginning.
Yeah, but "Chippendales"?
- Chippendales, like the cabinet maker.
- Like the what now?
Thomas Chippendale,
the 18th-century cabinet maker.
No?
He was renowned for his elegant
hand-carved designs.
During Crown rule, his furnishings
filled the Viceroy's palace.
- It's classy.
- I love it.
It's showtime.
Good evening, ladies.
- (CROWD CHEERING)
- Whoo!
I'm your sophisticated emcee,
Paul Snider.
Are you ready to have a good time?
- CROWD: Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, put some newspaper on those
seats because you are about to get wet.
(CROWD GASPS)
Fasten those garter belts
and break out those singles.
Man, do we have a beautiful show
for you tonight!
Are you ready for carpentry class?
Because we have some beautiful wood.
It is the world-premiere
debut performance
of the world-famous
Chippendales dancers!
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, my goodness.
What do we have here? Uh-oh.
Oh, my goodness.
- Oh, it's laundry time.
- (LAUGHS)
It's getting dirty in here! Uh-oh.
- Let's tell them what we want!
- (CROWD CLAMORING)
Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!
What have we got going on?
Yeah.
You gotta pay a little extra
for that, lady.
Would you look at that?
Yeah, let's see that money!
Yeah!
- Still think it won't work?
- (LAUGHS)
Oh, yeah!
Let's show them our money!
- Whoo-hoo!
- (CROWD CHEERING)
Yeah.
The men are very handsome.
Good listeners, and very muscular.
PAUL: Yeah!
STEVE: Thank you. Thank you very much.
You're going to have
a wonderful time tonight.
A good man is hard to find, but not here
tonight at Chippendales.
Welcome to Chippendales College,
where everybody gets that "D."
- Let's see those dollar bills!
- (CROWD CHEERING)
Let's take a bite out of that grade-A
prime all-American beef stock!
We have lift-off!
Yeah!
All right! Check out Mr. Hot Dog here.
Let's get some mustard on that baby.
Jesus H. Christ.
I'm sorry, sir.
This show is for ladies only.
It's our strict policy.
I'm sure there's somebody
I could talk to.
Would you go fetch the manager?
Actually, I am the manager.
And as such, I must ask you to leave.
Of course, you ladies can stay.
- Provided you find an empty chair.
- (CHUCKLES)
You know what?
- Fuck it. I got the gist.
- (SNIFFS)
Talk about a flaming pile of trash.
I've been hearing about this place.
I thought I'd check it out,
out of professional curiosity.
- Professional curiosity? Who are you?
- Who am I?
(CHUCKLES)
Nick De Noia.
Emmy-winning choreographer.
- You won an Emmy?
- No.
I won two.
Come here, baby!
PAUL: Uh-oh. What's happening?
Oh, my God!
There's something fishy in here.
Classy.
PAUL: Yeah,
let's see that money, ladies!
Let's go.
Oh, my God,
let's see those dollar bills!
It's Chippendales, baby!
NICK: Really? You really don't know
Jennifer O'Neill? Rio Lobo?
Summer of '42?
Major movie star. Anyway,
point being, by the time we got hitched,
I'd long moved on from acting.
The last five years,
I've been producing and directing.
TV and film, mostly,
theater when I need to scratch the itch.
And what did you win the Emmys for?
Unicorn Tales.
- Sorry, what?
- Unicorn Tales.
"Tales" because it's a thing on the
back of a horse, and also means story.
- Right. You get it.
- I haven't heard of it.
Big show. NBC.
- NBC?
- Uh-huh. Cigarette?
No, thank you.
So
What can I do for you?
I was hoping to speak
with you because
- I asked for dressing on the side.
- I'm so sorry, sir.
- Sorry, continue.
- As I was saying,
um,
the reason I wanted to meet with you was
- I was hoping to get your thoughts.
- My thoughts?
On the show.
You called it "a flaming pile of trash."
Well, I wouldn't say that.
That it's trash.
That it's a show.
A show has choreography,
production values, narrative.
What you have is,
it's a crass spectacle, a cheap gimmick
devoid of the slightest hint
of stagecraft or professionalism.
- What would you do?
- To turn it into something half-decent?
An actual show that maybe could last?
Yes.
Well, I'm not fucking
telling you. (CHUCKLES)
People pay big bucks for my expertise.
- If I paid, would you be open?
- To what, exactly?
You come on to consult
for a week or two weeks
Whip your thing into some
semblance of actual entertainment?
- Correct.
- (LAUGHS)
Oh, that is a hell of a tall order.
But I do enjoy a challenge.
And five, six, seven, eight. Good.
Sexy. Keep it sexy, sexy in the face,
guys. Keep the eyes alive.
That's it. There's no place in the world
you'd rather be
than dancing for these beautiful women.
That's right, guys.
You are king of the jungle. Yeah.
- He's good.
- He's really good.
Give me that tiger energy.
(GROWLS) Yes!
Yeah, really good.
What? He is.
Yes! And give it to them Good!
All right. Awesome, guys.
Very, very good. Very good.
All right, back it up. Back it up.
What do we need this asshole for?
He'll help turn it into a real show.
Choreography, production values.
This ain't Broadway we're doing.
We're a fucking strip joint
on Overland next to a car wash.
Feel it in your body, right?
Like you're a giant tongue.
You've got a wall in front of you
and you're licking the wall
with your entire body.
- That's it.
- What did you say he won an Emmy for?
Two Emmys.
- What did he win two Emmys for?
- Unicorn Tales.
Unicorn Tales?
- (CHUCKLES)
- Never fucking heard of it.
This walk, you are strutting down
the street, and you are owning it,
and everybody is looking at you.
He's just here for a couple weeks.
He'll whip the show into shape
and be gone.
- Uh-huh.
- Really feel that, and walk and walk.
And give it to those ladies.
Yes, that's it.
They want it.
Make love to them with your eyes,
and turn it around.
Okay. Good.
Feel it in the body. Very nice.
Yes. Keep an eye on my feet.
I'm going to show you a pivot turn.
Now you lock eyes with the most
beautiful lady in the room
- and you hold her gaze, all right.
- (LAUGHS)
And then you step and pivot
and step and pivot back to her
and pivot and step. Do it with me.
And step, and pivot, and step and pivot.
Yes, and pivot and step.
Don't let her get away.
- Step and pivot.
- I'm hungry, let's go eat. Come on.
Let me see you. Let's start again.
Hey, let me go. I'm not even hungry.
NICK: And five, six, seven, eight.
Come on.
Right this way.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
- Why are we here?
- Huh?
L'Escoffier?
It's the hottest spot in town.
DOROTHY: No, I know.
That wasn't the question.
I mean,
Orson Welles eats here every day.
Merci beaucoup, amigo.
(CLEARS THROAT)
- Paul.
- What? Got to keep them sweet.
You know how hard it is
to get a reservation here?
- Dorothy?
- Yes?
Peter Bogdanovich.
We met last summer at the mansion.
Oh, my gosh, of course.
Won't you come join us for a moment?
I'd love to introduce you to my friends.
I'll be back in a sec.
PETER: This way.
If you'd be willing to read for me,
I would love it.
I would love to read.
You have a certain just
natural sweetness and a certain quality
that I think is very, very rare.
Wouldn't you guys agree?
- Absolutely.
- DOROTHY: So nice to meet you.
- Thank you so much.
- You're so welcome.
DOROTHY: Good to see you, Peter.
Oh, my God! You are not going to
believe what just happened.
What happened?
He just asked me to read
for a part in his new movie.
Yeah?
Of course he did.
What's that mean?
(SCOFFS)
- You really don't know?
- Know what?
He wants to fuck you.
Why would you say that?
Because it's true.
Did he say,
"You have a certain quality"?
Did he say that?
"I got this part you'd be perfect for."
Yeah, of course he did.
Paul, you can be
a real asshole sometimes.
You're gonna fuck him.
Excuse me?
You are going to fuck Peter Bogdanovich.
I am not gonna fuck Peter Bogdanovich.
- You are. You just don't know it yet.
- Shut up, Paul.
Where's the audition? Hmm?
In his bungalow
at the Beverly Hills Hotel?
No, wait, it'll be at his chalet
in the south of France.
That's the move. Fucking smooth fucker.
Why can't you ever be happy for me?
I just say what I see.
Just calling it like it is.
Fuck off.
- Fuck you!
- No, fuck you, Dorothy!
Fuck you!
(SNIFFS)
Come on.
I'm sorry.
NICK: You can't just engage
a woman's body,
you got to engage her mind.
Women aren't like men.
They want a story.
You gotta weave them a fairy tale.
Fucking bitch!
Fucking slut.
STEVE: Paul!
God damn it!
Paul, what is going on?
What's going on?
I'll tell you what's fucking going on.
Peter fucking Bogdanovich,
that's what's going on.
I don't know what that means.
He's a major fucking
Hollywood director, Steve.
And he just asked Dorothy
to read for his new film.
- Isn't that good?
- No, it's not fucking good, Steve.
It's fucking horrible.
Why is it horrible?
Jeez. Do I have to explain
every fucking thing to you?
What it means, Steve,
is that he is going to fuck her.
And when he fucks her,
he's going to steal her away from me.
- Fucking bitch!
- Where are you getting this?
Because that's how
this shit works, Steve!
I know how this shit works! Fuck!
After all I've done for her.
She wouldn't be here without me.
She'd be fucking making
peanut butter parfaits and
I'm sorry. I've had it.
What? You've had it with what?
- You.
- Excuse me?
You are bad energy.
Bad energy? Go fuck yourself,
Unicorn Tales. Bad energy.
I can't have him around
while we're rehearsing.
You listening
to this piece of shit, Steve?
Speaking of not having you around,
your emceeing services
are no longer required.
- Excuse me?
- You're creepy and you're weird.
- And you're fired.
- (CHUCKLES)
- Yeah. Well, you don't get to fire me.
- Oh, but I do.
Will you set this cocksucker straight,
please, Steve?
Steve?
I've given Nick full authority
in all creative matters.
Are you kidding me?
Are you fucking kidding me?
- Fuck you, Banerjee.
- Paul?
Paul?
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- (WOMEN CLAMORING)
Welcome to Chippendales!
Have fun, girls!
- We need more water for the dancers.
- Yep.
Come on, guys. This should have been
done an hour ago.
Bobby, think this will hold us?
- If anything, we need more rum.
- Paul, could you check in back?
Sure thing, boss.
- Do you have a second?
- I'm a little busy. What's up?
This is kind of random,
but I had this idea.
Uh-huh.
I know how much you admire Hugh Hefner.
- I do.
- Which got me thinking.
What if Chippendales
did like a Playboy Club thing?
Cuffs and collars.
Just like the Bunnies.
It could be a really classy touch.
I feel ridiculous.
You are a genius.
Well?
EMCEE: Ladies and ladies,
are you ready to have
the greatest night of your lives?
(CROWD CHEERING)
Please welcome
your wildest fantasies come to life,
the men of Chippendales!
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
(CROWD WHOOPING AND CLAMORING)
(DANCERS EXCLAIMING)
Whoo!
(CROWD CHEERING)
EMCEE: Take it off! Whoa!
(EMCEE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
Let's go, honey.
- What?
- We're leaving. Come on.
The greatest show you'll ever see
in your entire lives,
and that's a fact!
You paid, you saw, you will remember.
Take a bow, fellas.
- So much nudity, so much fun.
- (CROWD CHEERING)
This has been the greatest night
in Chippendales' history.
Good night!
(ALL CHEERING)
Yeah!
To Chippendales, baby!
To Chippendales!
That was wonderful.
- Absolutely wonderful work, everybody.
- (ALL CHEERING)
Wonderful work.
Thank you so much. Fantastic work.
Best $3,000 I ever spent.
Glad I could be of service.
Well
Good luck to you.
Thank you.
- Okay
- MAN: Speech, speech, speech!
STEVE: You took off your clothes
and the women loved it!
DANCERS: To Chippendales!
- STEVE: To Chippendales!
- DANCERS: To Chippendales!
(PHONE RINGING)
This is Paul.
And this is Dorothy.
- We're not in right now.
- So leave your name.
- Number
- And time of call
- And we'll get back to you
- as soon as possible.
Paul, it's Steve.
That was some night, huh?
I didn't even see you two leave.
Anyway, I was calling because
I was hoping you could do me a favor.
On the way in, could you
stop by that upholstery place
and pick up those stools?
I would do it myself,
the place is right by my apartment,
but I actually ended up
spending the night at the club.
It's not worth the trip home.
There is hours of clean-up.
Okay, hopefully you get this,
but if not, don't worry.
I'll pick them up tomorrow.
I'll see you both soon.
Good stuff.