Why Are You Like This (2018) s01e01 Episode Script

[woman] If you'd actually listen to me,
Peter, what I'm saying
is that you're OK
with imposing white normative regulations
in order to erase my culture.
Wearing shoes in the office
is standard OH&S policy, Mia.
[low voice] Racist.
You're taking five 15-minute breaks a day
on top of your lunch break.
Those are for prayer. I'm Muslim.
OK, yes, but Fatima told me that
only two of those fall within work hours.
It's very sad to hear that Fatima's
a worse Muslim than me.
I will pray for Fatima.
And yesterday, you switched Marie's phone
to silent without her permission,
which really upset her.
Who even keeps their phone on loud?
The noises were triggering my anxiety.
I almost had another attack.
She missed a very important call.
Yes, I'm sure Marie missed
a super-important call.
Her father passed away.
Mia
Your attempts to get rid of the one
woman of color in this office
and leave her on the streets like a dog
is very transparent, Peter.
Mia. You're being made redundant.
Now, I know you've only been working
here a month
There is no way you're getting rid of me.
But obviously you'll get a severance
- Hmm?
- You'll obviously get your…
severance.
Well, in that case, it has been an honor
working here.
[man 1] You already know her
as the girl who pushes out bugless code,
but today she's your presentation pal.
So let's make her feel welcome.
It's Penny.
Thanks. Richard.
So, today is R U OK? Day.
Hello!
Thanks.
Great. So you might be thinking,
"This seems dumb, you know."
"Why should I care about how I feel?"
Men in particular,
due to toxic masculinity,
can often find emotional connection
really difficult.
Which can lead to a high suicide rate…
and some really questionable behavior.
So, as an exercise,
why don't we just take turns
going around the room,
and asking each other, "Are you OK?"
I love it. Alright, let's give it a go.
Andrew…
are you OK?
No.
Great. Alright. Why?
Because I hate this.
- Ah.
- [phone rings]
- Sorry.
- That's OK.
[whispers] Sorry.
OK. So
[phone vibrates]
- Is that important?
- Yep, it is pretty important, sorry.
I really don't want to talk about feelings
and stuff in the office.
And a lot of men feel that way,
which is incorrect.
Well, that's why we have Men's Sheds,
right?
- [man 2] What's that?
- [man 3] A safe space for men.
Guys get together, build stuff,
have barbecues, play video games.
Yeah, we should have a games night.
- Anyone have a shed?
- We could do it in the office.
We could bring our PCs.
[man 4] Oh fuck, let's play Dota.
We're getting
away from the point of this meeting
which was to talk about our feelings.
- [man 5] It's guys only?
- [man 3] Yeah.
- We should get beer.
- And meat.
[man 6] Oh, I fucking love meat.
- Oh, no.
- [Andrew] Yes!
[man 7] Great idea, Daniel.
- Yeah!
- We should go to the Ritz!
Yeah! Fuck!
["Big Shot" by Pearls plays]
We need to go out.
I'm already going out.
I'm not gonna argue with you, Penny.
I've had the most triggering day.
How did you get in my house?
I got fired because my boss is racist,
sexist and balding.
Oh my god, what'd he say?
Well apparently, I "upset everyone, don't
do any work and never show up on time."
- Racist.
- Mm.
Is that a new mascara?
- Yeah.
- Cute.
Anyway, I don't even care
because I got severance pay,
so I'm buying us
a million drinks tonight.
Why aren't you using your Mooncup?
It took so long to get it in
and then once it was in,
all I could think about was how hard
it was gonna be to take it out.
Like my IUD.
I'm just going to let it
rot in there forever.
Imagine every single tampon
you've ever used stuck together,
floating around in the middle
of the ocean.
Like those otters that hold their hands
when they sleep.
Because that's what's happening.
I just don't want a tiny chalice of blood
lodged in my pussy.
Every time I take it out,
it reminds me of communion.
What the fuck is communion?
- Hi!
- Hi.
- [woman] Hi.
- We have two under Austin's list.
- He's my housemate.
- OK.
He's on next.
Find a table, I'll get us a tab.
- OK. Do you want some money?
- No, I'm rich!
- All good.
- Thanks!
And now, please welcome to the stage,
JonBenet Rams-Me!
[slow music]
[cheers and whistles]
["Skinny Bitches" by Miss Blanks plays]
Uh, all these skinny bitches dumb
Yeah, they know that ♪
I fly high, Imma mogul
Yeah, they see that ♪
All these skinny bitches
Check my credentials ♪
Boss bitch
Bout to steal your man type shit ♪
But I get it you be tryna hold it down ♪
You're a skinny light bitch
Who ain't never had the crown ♪
The crown's for the baddest
The thickest, the hood bitch ♪
Better step back
Miss Blanks is the realest ♪
You a bonafide sucker
You be fuckin' the masses… ♪
I love gay!
Austin, you were amazing!
I know, but tell me again.
- You were amazing!
- Amazing!
- I know, but I'm sad.
- Why?
I lost my favorite ring last night,
you guys.
- Oh no!
- I know
Who is that?
Paddington Bareback.
Yeah, why does she look so familiar?
You two run in the same circles?
- Not all brown people know each other.
- Oh my god, we do!
People of color have built
supportive communities for themselves,
and it's so brave.
He's a cunt. I never actually met him,
but he tried to ruin my friend's wedding
by fake fainting in the middle
of the speeches.
Such a desperate cry for attention.
She did the same thing
at a competition
to get sympathy from the judges.
She is so fake.
I'm so fuckin' wasted! [laughs]
The bitch is drinking grenadine.
Oh my god, I like actively
want to make his life worse.
Oh, I love making people's lives worse!
After Tim and I broke up,
right before I moved out,
I unseamed all of his nice shirts
just enough
so that I could hang them back up.
Then when he put them on,
they fell to pieces.
I cleaned the toilet with his toothbrush
- and put it back without rinsing it.
- Ohh!
And then I mixed
some detergent in with his lubricant
and hid in the house
and watched him bang his new boyfriend,
and it sounded fucked up
and they were so confused.
I got some pins
and stuck holes in all of his condoms
so that they snap when they fuck,
and secretly I hope he gets AIDS.
What? They've basically cured it.
OK, we are looking for a Honda Jazz.
Ooh! Honda Jazz!
Oh, here's your credit card by the way.
[Austin] What the fuck, it's a Civic!
Never mind. Fuck!
Um, I guess my severance pay
hasn't come through yet.
Oh. OK. How are you going to get home?
[Mia] I'll crash at yours.
Oi! Hurry up, sluts!
It's fine, I'm gay.
Hi!
What have you got on for today?
I guess I'll look for a job.
I checked my account and my severance pay
was only $400.
- What?
- I know, right?
No, Mia, you put like $1,000
on my card last night.
I thought I'd get more. Rose got like
five grand when she was made redundant.
Rose is a lawyer.
Love me?
Can you borrow money from your parents?
Penny, please.
My parents risked everything
and moved their lives to a foreign country
so they could give me every opportunity,
and I already owe them like $1,200.
Just call some ad agencies.
I'm sure someone will pick you up.
No, I want a change.
You know, something salt-of-the-earth,
outdoorsy, in touch with nature.
And cash in the hand so the Tax Office
can't fuck me like they love to fuck me.
- [whispers] They love to fuck us.
- [whispers] Yeah.
- Well, good luck.
- Penny?
Do you have any food?
Hello, I'm poor and dying.
No, not really. But whatever you can find,
you can eat.
- Thanks, love you.
- Love you!
[ping-pong game in background]
[man] Sorry.
[Penny] So, Daniel,
I'm just working on the next day
in our social calendar.
Staff party Friday?
Ah, no, International Day
for Queer Visibility.
And I know you had a bunch of ideas
for R U OK? Day,
and I'm sorry that I didn't consult you
on that earlier.
So if you had any ideas
for this one
that we talk about it ahead of time.
- Sure.
- Cool. So I was thinking of doing like
a rainbow glitter lunch thing
in the courtyard.
Um, OK.
[man] Sorry.
- [Penny] What's wrong with that?
- Nothing.
You're not saying anything,
so do you have a problem with it, or…
I don't have anything to add.
I just really feel like we should be
supporting our LGBTQI+ colleagues.
I don't know, Penny. It seems to me
you're pushing it a bit, that's all.
[man] Sorry.
Hi, I'm here for the farm job.
Hey Mia, good. Hope you don't mind
getting your hands dirty.
No, not at all.
So as I understand it,
I'll be inseminating the cows?
Ah, no, I'll be inseminating the cows.
You can help,
but I've just gotta clear
each of the cow's anal cavities
and then you'll come in with a shovel
and put all the manure into a pile.
Really? Because I've watched
YouTube tutorials,
and I've really got the three cervixes
down pat.
I just need someone
to shovel the manure, so…
Oh.
And, um, keep the semen warm,
- if you can do that for me.
- Oh.
Yeah, thank you very much.
Mmm.
[farmer] Bit of work to do here.
["Johnny Says Stay Cool" by Babe Rainbow
plays]
Johnny says stay cool ♪
Take a minute out ♪
You work too hard ♪
Let her come to you ♪
Johnny says stay cool ♪
Breathe in, breathe out ♪
Breathe in, breathe out ♪
Breathe in and out… ♪
Phew!
I'm exhausted.
I'm taking my break.
What? We've done one cow.
Excuse me?
We've only done one cow.
Nope, I'm done.
This is, um, this is just wrong for me.
- Is it the smell?
- No.
- Is it the semen?
- No.
Well, what is it?
It's…
the rape.
Sorry?
Yeah. This is rape.
You are a hundred percent
raping these cows.
Well they're cows, so
So this is rape city.
Oh.
And just so we're clear,
I'm leaving because I have
too much respect for these cows.
Anyway, thank you for everything. Bye!
I respect you.
I'm so excited for Mardi Gras.
Aren't you excited for Mardi Gras?
Sure.
Isn't it the best?
It's fine.
- I know, but don't you love it?
- [Daniel] It's alright.
But don't you love it?
It's just so sexualized.
I don't understand
how they're asking for respect
whilst parading around in the nude.
[telephone busy signal]
Oh, my god, have you seen the new
episode of RuPaul's Drag Race yet?
Daniel?
I don't watch that show.
[telephone busy signal]
- [woman on TV] With Russell Crowe? Wow.
- [door slams]
Um, no, I don't really watch
Australian films but
I'm working with a homophobe.
Oh! Who?
- Daniel.
- We could kill him.
Men's Shed Daniel?
Yeah. Not just a sexist.
He hates gay people, as well.
Oh, we have to kill him.
He basically said that gay people
are disgusting and shouldn't exist.
- Actually?
- Basically.
I did not stay in the closet until I was
12 to be shamed back into it.
[Penny] I know, right?
I can't just stand by.
I have to do something!
Mia, are you eating a bowl of gravy?
Yeah.
- What happened to your trial shift?
- I had to quit for ethical reasons.
You'd better get a job and replace
that gravy, bitch. I'm not joking.
Penny, you have to take down
this homophobe. What does he do?
He codes, and he destroys people's lives.
Destroy his life, babe.
Lean in.
Really? Daniel?
Far out, Brussels sprout.
Can we take care of it next week?
I've got a lot of stuff
to get done this afternoon.
Well, Richard, I guess that really depends
on whether you are
or are not
an ally.
Oh. Yeah. OK.
Daniel, could you please come in here
for a moment, please?
[Daniel] What's up?
Ah, you are homophobic,
word on the street.
[Penny] Um, hello!
Yep, it's all been sorted.
Did you talk to Daniel
about what he was
Yes, and nobody meant any harm,
and we can just all just let it go.
- Richard, what are you
- Penny, it's time to go back to work.
[woman coughs]
Ugh.
Smashing it! Kylie?
[Austin's voice] Paddington Bareback.
She is so fake!
I'm so fuckin' wasted! [laughs]
I need to see the doctor
[clears throat]
Hello.
I need to see the doctor. Urgently.
Have you been here before?
I don't think you understand…
Well, you need to fill out this form
and this form,
and do you have your Medicare card on you?
I had to rush out of the house.
I think I must have left it
Then you're gonna have to fill out
this one too, and just read over all that.
I actually don't feel very well.
[crying] Can I please just
Sorry, it's policy.
[gasping]
[gasping]
[gasping]
[screams]
[groaning]
[crying]
Ohh!
[footsteps]
- Mia?
- Don't worry. He's just being dramatic.
Am I fired?
I mean, you've only just started.
And everyone makes mistakes.
[chuckles]
But yes.
[Penny] My office is full of homophobes.
I got fired again.
Mia, can you come with me
to this work party tonight?
I can't face those bigots alone.
I thought you were gonna lean in.
I tried.
Oh, no!
[Austin] Jesus fucking Christ!
This straight fragility
that I am witnessing is astounding.
Can you please get off your slut asses
and do something about it?
I'm bi.
I already went to the top.
What else can I do?
Penny, come here.
Power pose.
Confront this man. Tonight.
And as a gay who loves a bar tab,
I will come, and I will support you.
Mia?
I'd rather kill myself than spend a night
in a sweaty box full of nerds.
There's free food.
I'm sort of in between jobs at the moment.
I'm having issues
with constantly being fired.
Oh. What about you, Austin?
[mouths silently] Homophobe!
- I'm gay.
- Oh.
OK.
Well, it was lovely
meeting you both.
Austin, that's him in the suit jacket.
Ah, hey. You, uh,
you don't work with us, do you?
I'm Andrew.
No, Andrew, I don't work here.
In fact, I don't work anywhere.
- Could I get you a drink?
- Oh, yes.
Can I get a whisky sour,
an Aperol Spritz, an espresso martini?
I'll be sitting over there
with my friends.
This guy said he'd pay for it.
Thanks! Good luck with your Minecraft!
Remember that TED talk.
- Breathe in.
- [inhales]
- Breathe out.
- [exhales]
I am an ally.
I am an ally.
- Perfect. Go.
- OK.
I just bullied that guy
into getting us drinks.
Of course, these nerds
are into findomming.
I'm sorry, did I just do something
with a name?
Financial domination.
Rich losers get off on women yelling
at them for money.
It's like this whole thing.
Huh!
- Hi!
- Ah, hello.
- I'm Neil.
- So cute. I'm Mia.
I'm, I'm Neil.
I know! You just said.
Now give me all your fucking money
so you can go home and jack off
that pathetic dick of yours.
[cries]
Ohh!
Do you have any idea what it's like
to be shamed for your sexuality?
Because several of my friends do.
Have you ever been berated
for holding the hand
of the person that you love?
Because I have…
seen that happen to others.
It didn't work, goddammit.
How do you tell which nerds
are the most beta?
I lost my favorite ring
up that guy's asshole.
The homophobe? How?
Grindr.
No, I mean, how does one lose a ring
inside a man?
Straight men like you have dictated
the behavior the rest of us must follow
for too long, sir.
I am fabulous.
My queer friends are fabulous,
so consider us glitter,
because we're not going anywhere.
It wasn't till after I was leaving
that I was like, "Where did my ring go?"
and then I was like, "Oh, it slid off
while I was fisting that guy's asshole,"
and then I was like,
"Oh no, I'm upset now."
It was my grandmother's ring.
She had exquisite taste.
Imagine what it would be like to be gay.
I bet you can't.
So the next time you think about
rolling your eyes at Mardi Gras,
or not watching Drag Race,
or a third example,
I want you to think about this.
[Penny] Guys, I did it.
I know, I'm so proud of you, Penny.
You did amazing.
He's gay.
- [Penny] What?
- I've been fully inside of him.
So has a piece of my grandmother.
[woman] Now you might be thinking,
"Hmm, sensitivity training."
"Is this yet another attempt
by the liberal establishment
to stifle the silent majority
under the guise of political correctness?"
Well, if you are thinking that,
uh-oh! [laughs]
You need sensitively training.
Any questions so far?
What nasho are you?
What? [chuckles] Nasho?
Thank you for that question.
What a great example
of what we're talking about right now,
as far as sensitivity goes.
And in this case,
maybe being a bit insensitive,
not necessarily on purpose,
but definitely, that's what's happening.
OK, so nationality, could or could not be,
is a sensitive topic,
so we'll answer the question,
but also do an empathy exercise
so we know what it feels like
when someone asks a question
that's a little bit ah! Triggering.
[chuckles]
The Mediterranean is the answer
to that question on Dad's side,
and on Mum's, mostly Spanish.
What the fuck? What the fuck!
What the fuck? What the fuck!
Mia, what the fuck?
I'm a professional
financial dominatrix now. Pocky?
What the fuck is a pocky? Give me that.
It's delicious.
So you found some rich gamer nerd
at the party, huh?
Yeah, the key is to go even harsher.
This dude is jacking it so hard
at the stuff I'm sending him,
he can't stop giving me money.
Mia, this is extortion.
No, he's horny.
He, he sounds terrified.
We're role-playing!
The more real it sounds,
the harder
his clammy little gamer dick gets.
[Daniel] Dude, are you OK?
[sobs]
["Clap Clap" by Miss Blanks plays]
Clap it, clap it ♪
Make it clap now ♪
Clap it, clap it ♪
Make it clap now ♪
Clap it, clap it ♪
Make it clap now ♪
Clap it, clap it ♪
Make it clap now ♪
He wanna eat that Laffy Taffy
It’s chewy and it's sticky-icky ♪
He wanna beat it up
Make a homie wish he could ♪
I fucked his best friend
We got it bumpin' in the hood ♪
Alex in the backdoor
Mikey up front ♪
Want me, fuck me, baby… ♪