Wizards vs. Aliens (2012) s01e01 Episode Script
Dawn Of The Nekross (Part One)
By the fire of the sun, the rage of the sea, the fury of the wind.
Now, Dad? Yes.
Now, Mark.
Now.
I call upon the Eye of Questoroth to look on this ring of healing and give it the power to cure.
The stones! They're glowing.
Oh, yes.
You never forget the first time you see the power of magic.
Now, be quiet.
Wizardry is 10% invocation and 90% concentration.
Questoroth, come to me.
Questoroth, I summon thee! There! It's coming! The Eye of Questoroth.
I tend the fire at the heart, at the heart of my incantation.
I hear the wind that carries my summons to thee.
Oh, Questoroth! Dad, are you sure that's the Eye of Questoroth? Of course.
What else would it be? Oh, Questoroth, at the heart of my incantation, grant us It looks like a spaceship.
What do you mean, a spaceship? An alien spaceship.
Don't be ridiculous.
There's no such things as aliens.
Try telling them that! For the last time, there are no It's impossible.
Dad! Earthlings.
Welcome to the Starship Zarantulus.
What What do you want? Magic! King's Park! King's Park! Quinn! Go on, Tom.
Get stuck in! King's Park, we need a winner! Time's almost up.
Come on.
To his feet.
Make it count, Tom! We need a goal.
Maah-gann dah! Mate, that was magic.
Well, that's me, innit? You know the rule.
No spells outside home.
Dad, we got through to the final.
By using magic.
It wasn't fair.
I just gave it a nudge.
Was there a wizard on the other team? No.
Course not.
So it was unfair.
You cheated.
You have to be more careful, son.
Magic isn't for cheating at football or for doing your chores around the house.
Well, that's fine coming from an Unenchanted with no magic.
What have you been up to, Tom? I used a spell to help score a goal.
It got us through to the cup final, Gran.
The point is, what happens if someone sees, Tom? If they find out what you are? So what's the point of magic if you can't have a laugh with it? That's a very good question.
The trick is to be careful where you have the fun.
What happened to the bottle opener? Unenchanteds, you're so helpless.
Mass-fan-wann dah! Oops.
I think I have things I should be doing in the chamber.
Nobody in there? No, Gran.
We're all here.
It's only polite to check, Thomas.
Chamber of Crowe, open to me.
Reveal yourself on the knock of three.
Maybe I could come and help with whatever you've got to do down there.
You're a long way off ready for the Chamber of Mysteries.
But that's where the big magic is.
Maybe when you stop using magic to score goals, you'll be responsible enough for what's in there.
One day, Tom.
Maintaining geostationary orbit behind Earth's moon.
It is a pitiful rock but will hide our presence from the humans.
What have you done with my son? The wizard cries for its offspring like a Loogovian sea-cow.
Wizards are seldom physically impressive, but they have magic.
Get off me! Let me go! Put the wizard into the Extractor.
No! No! No! Struggle all you wish, wizard.
It will add spice to the nourishment.
Extract the magic! Feed me the magic! As the King commands, so it is done.
The wizard is drained.
Dad? What have you monsters done to me? Is our father satisfied? 'The magic is good.
' 'We will find every wizard on this planet 'and the Nekross shall feast!' Tom? Have you done your homework? All done, Dad.
And remember, Burnt Hill Stone Circle is a heritage monument.
Yawn.
It is neither a climbing frame nor a Neolithic chalkboard.
Nah, it's just a bunch of grimy old rocks.
It's better than being stuck in a class all day.
Actually, the stone circle is a Neolithic observatory.
The stones are all positioned to line up with specific stars at particular dates.
Look, I've got a really great app for it.
Look at the star-scape you get from here.
It's brilliant.
You don't need the stars to tell your future, Benzoid.
You're going to spend ages hunting for your phone in those bushes.
Hey! Look, don't tease him.
Now geek off, Benny.
Actually, this is astronomy.
That's science, not astrology.
This way.
And I want detailed notes.
Hurry up, Benny.
Miss Webster will be lonely without her little pet.
Anyway, I thought standing stones were put up by Druids, people like that, magical ceremonies.
I mean, an observatory? Come on.
How boring is that? But magic? Now, that's cool.
You think so? Yeah.
Course it is.
Magic's a load of old Hogwarts.
Are you still here? I'm talking about science, Katie.
Which, in case you missed chemistry this week, is real.
Couldn't miss it, Benny.
You nearly blew up the class again.
Tom, are you all right? Something happened here.
What are you talking about? What's going on? He just went a bit weird.
You said something happened here.
I mean, in the past I bet.
Yeah, like human sacrifice.
I knew there was a reason we brought Benny! Ha-ha.
Very funny! You four, are you waiting for the stones to come to you? Now, the purpose of the stone circle, like Stonehenge, is unclear.
There have been many theories over the years but nobody really knows See.
They don't know what it is.
OK, well, some people say they're landing pads for alien spacecraft.
How's that for an explanation? There's no such thing as aliens.
DAD! I want measurements and sketches in teams of two, OK? Off you go.
Come on, let's get on with it.
Looks like we're a team, so no messing about.
Just because you don't care about your grades doesn't mean I have to miss out.
Being stuck with you is so lame.
Don't worry about it.
Like I want anyone to think WE'RE mates.
No way.
Scanners indicate a peak in magical energy levels at Target Zone Veta.
Wow! Look at that.
It was in the grass.
What happened? It just stopped.
We have lost the trace.
'Varg, investigate this reading.
' As the King commands, so it is done.
But Father, I found the magic.
'And Varg is my first-born.
He will be King 'and you, Lexi, will not.
' It's just a piece of junk.
No, this is freaky.
It was glowing.
Trick of the light.
Just chuck it.
Hello? Hang on.
No, it's very windy.
Hang on.
I have locked onto a radio microwave transmission, Father.
'Despatch the Voolox.
' I'll pick up another sink plunger on the way home.
Honestly, how many sink plungers can one person lose? No, sorry.
I can't hear you.
Speak up.
The human has been acquired.
Engaging invisibility mode.
Initiate Voolox control system.
Look to the left.
Look to the right.
I have control.
What sort of metal is that? Tin? Come on, give it back.
I thought you said it was junk? Yeah, but I found it.
These humans are disgusting.
They smell of sweat and meat.
Concentrate.
Continue your scan.
I want to take it back to the lab.
I can run some tests.
Tests? What sort of tests? I can get in after school.
Come if you want.
I've got football.
Up to you.
Miss, we're finished.
Finished? Yeah, should we head off back to school? School? Are you all right, Miss? Yes, school.
A sensible strategy.
Everyone back to school.
Once you're done experimenting, you are going to give that back to me, right? You said it was junk.
Oh! Ah Hello? 'Gran!' Oh, Tom.
I'm spring cleaning the chamber.
I don't think it's been done in 500 years.
Gran, listen.
I've found a ring charged with magic.
Oh.
Oh, this isn't good.
A wizard loses a magic ring, another gives it to an Unenchanted.
'I didn't give it to him!' I'll be there in a jiffy.
What? No! I didn't mean Ugh! Miss.
I I wasn't going to blow anything up this time.
Honest.
Give it to me.
Miss? The energy source.
What? You mean this? How is that happening? I am your superior.
You will do as I say.
Hand it to me, half ling.
Half ling? No, brother.
The humans address their half lings as "children".
Give it to me children.
"Children"? Are you OK, Miss? Give it to me or be disintegrated.
Voolox to full attack mode.
Oh, boy.
I was coming after you.
Miss Webster, she's been taken over by aliens! Benny, what are you on? They've turned her into some sort of alien cyborg slave.
Look, just give me the ring.
That's what she's after.
Do not let them escape, Varg.
The half lings are irrelevant.
I will destroy them.
I told you, she's an alien cyborg slave.
There's no such thing as aliens.
That thing on her back? It's controlling her and firing lasers.
No way is that Earth technology.
And what about this? It glowed, remember? And that's what she's after.
I bet this is alien, too.
I keep telling you, this isn't from outer space.
You're one of them! You're an alien, too! We're trapped! We're going to die.
Not while I'm here.
Kadra-dach dah! Another wizard? 'Magic.
I must have it! 'The Nekross shall feast.
' As the King commands, so it is done.
This is no work for a Voolox.
What did you just do? Benny, don't be scared.
I'm not scared but I've known you since year seven, how did you do what I just saw? Forget what you just saw.
Forget it? How did you do that? It was magic, Benny.
I'm a wizard.
Oh, you've got to be an alien.
No way would anyone but an alien think I'd fall for something like that! A wizard? Yeah, right.
Yeah, right! There is no such thing as magic.
OK.
It's better you don't believe me but I'm not from another planet.
No.
That would be me.
Now that is definitely an alien.
We are the Nekross from the Planet Nekron in the Korbol Galaxy.
You really are? You're an alien? And we have come for magic.
Well, you can have this on me.
Ava-shen dah! And? No way! I've used my spells.
We only get three spells sunrise to sunrise.
What kind of cut-price wizard are you? A tasty one and quite defenceless.
I'm going to devour you, wizard.
No-one threatens my grandson! Gran, no! It's an alien.
Don't be ridiculous.
There are no such things as aliens.
Maybe you should take a closer look.
You are the aliens to us and you disgust me.
Whatever you are, I have the blood of warrior wizards in my veins.
So she's like Gandalfina or someone? Not exactly.
I am Ursula, seventh daughter of a seventh daughter of the Magical Line of Crowe.
My family have slain demons and destroyed armies of the Neverside.
Whatever world you come from, beware.
More magic.
I shall take you both.
What? She beamed them up! What happened? Where are we? I think we're in space.
Isn't it wonderful? Earth looks so small, so far away.
Say goodbye to it, wizards.
Bow, wizards, before the Nekross King.
I'm not bowing.
Let us go.
'You defy me, wizard? I who have bestrode the stars?' Maybe you shouldn't upset him, Tom.
If you're so important, why don't you show your face? 'Ooh, you would look upon the face of the King?' Behold the King! Hail the might of Nekron! I will devour you and all of your kind, wizard blood.
The Nekross shall feast! Stop or die, Earthlings! Don't threaten my grandson.
Gran! I'm going back.
I'm going to save her.
Chamber of Crowe, open to me.
But what about the bloodline? The warrior wizards are gone.
And by the way, I'm not supposed to do this.
What is that? What? The King is hungry.
I hope I give you heartburn.
What was that? What happens next? Cross our fingers? That's the best you've got?
Now, Dad? Yes.
Now, Mark.
Now.
I call upon the Eye of Questoroth to look on this ring of healing and give it the power to cure.
The stones! They're glowing.
Oh, yes.
You never forget the first time you see the power of magic.
Now, be quiet.
Wizardry is 10% invocation and 90% concentration.
Questoroth, come to me.
Questoroth, I summon thee! There! It's coming! The Eye of Questoroth.
I tend the fire at the heart, at the heart of my incantation.
I hear the wind that carries my summons to thee.
Oh, Questoroth! Dad, are you sure that's the Eye of Questoroth? Of course.
What else would it be? Oh, Questoroth, at the heart of my incantation, grant us It looks like a spaceship.
What do you mean, a spaceship? An alien spaceship.
Don't be ridiculous.
There's no such things as aliens.
Try telling them that! For the last time, there are no It's impossible.
Dad! Earthlings.
Welcome to the Starship Zarantulus.
What What do you want? Magic! King's Park! King's Park! Quinn! Go on, Tom.
Get stuck in! King's Park, we need a winner! Time's almost up.
Come on.
To his feet.
Make it count, Tom! We need a goal.
Maah-gann dah! Mate, that was magic.
Well, that's me, innit? You know the rule.
No spells outside home.
Dad, we got through to the final.
By using magic.
It wasn't fair.
I just gave it a nudge.
Was there a wizard on the other team? No.
Course not.
So it was unfair.
You cheated.
You have to be more careful, son.
Magic isn't for cheating at football or for doing your chores around the house.
Well, that's fine coming from an Unenchanted with no magic.
What have you been up to, Tom? I used a spell to help score a goal.
It got us through to the cup final, Gran.
The point is, what happens if someone sees, Tom? If they find out what you are? So what's the point of magic if you can't have a laugh with it? That's a very good question.
The trick is to be careful where you have the fun.
What happened to the bottle opener? Unenchanteds, you're so helpless.
Mass-fan-wann dah! Oops.
I think I have things I should be doing in the chamber.
Nobody in there? No, Gran.
We're all here.
It's only polite to check, Thomas.
Chamber of Crowe, open to me.
Reveal yourself on the knock of three.
Maybe I could come and help with whatever you've got to do down there.
You're a long way off ready for the Chamber of Mysteries.
But that's where the big magic is.
Maybe when you stop using magic to score goals, you'll be responsible enough for what's in there.
One day, Tom.
Maintaining geostationary orbit behind Earth's moon.
It is a pitiful rock but will hide our presence from the humans.
What have you done with my son? The wizard cries for its offspring like a Loogovian sea-cow.
Wizards are seldom physically impressive, but they have magic.
Get off me! Let me go! Put the wizard into the Extractor.
No! No! No! Struggle all you wish, wizard.
It will add spice to the nourishment.
Extract the magic! Feed me the magic! As the King commands, so it is done.
The wizard is drained.
Dad? What have you monsters done to me? Is our father satisfied? 'The magic is good.
' 'We will find every wizard on this planet 'and the Nekross shall feast!' Tom? Have you done your homework? All done, Dad.
And remember, Burnt Hill Stone Circle is a heritage monument.
Yawn.
It is neither a climbing frame nor a Neolithic chalkboard.
Nah, it's just a bunch of grimy old rocks.
It's better than being stuck in a class all day.
Actually, the stone circle is a Neolithic observatory.
The stones are all positioned to line up with specific stars at particular dates.
Look, I've got a really great app for it.
Look at the star-scape you get from here.
It's brilliant.
You don't need the stars to tell your future, Benzoid.
You're going to spend ages hunting for your phone in those bushes.
Hey! Look, don't tease him.
Now geek off, Benny.
Actually, this is astronomy.
That's science, not astrology.
This way.
And I want detailed notes.
Hurry up, Benny.
Miss Webster will be lonely without her little pet.
Anyway, I thought standing stones were put up by Druids, people like that, magical ceremonies.
I mean, an observatory? Come on.
How boring is that? But magic? Now, that's cool.
You think so? Yeah.
Course it is.
Magic's a load of old Hogwarts.
Are you still here? I'm talking about science, Katie.
Which, in case you missed chemistry this week, is real.
Couldn't miss it, Benny.
You nearly blew up the class again.
Tom, are you all right? Something happened here.
What are you talking about? What's going on? He just went a bit weird.
You said something happened here.
I mean, in the past I bet.
Yeah, like human sacrifice.
I knew there was a reason we brought Benny! Ha-ha.
Very funny! You four, are you waiting for the stones to come to you? Now, the purpose of the stone circle, like Stonehenge, is unclear.
There have been many theories over the years but nobody really knows See.
They don't know what it is.
OK, well, some people say they're landing pads for alien spacecraft.
How's that for an explanation? There's no such thing as aliens.
DAD! I want measurements and sketches in teams of two, OK? Off you go.
Come on, let's get on with it.
Looks like we're a team, so no messing about.
Just because you don't care about your grades doesn't mean I have to miss out.
Being stuck with you is so lame.
Don't worry about it.
Like I want anyone to think WE'RE mates.
No way.
Scanners indicate a peak in magical energy levels at Target Zone Veta.
Wow! Look at that.
It was in the grass.
What happened? It just stopped.
We have lost the trace.
'Varg, investigate this reading.
' As the King commands, so it is done.
But Father, I found the magic.
'And Varg is my first-born.
He will be King 'and you, Lexi, will not.
' It's just a piece of junk.
No, this is freaky.
It was glowing.
Trick of the light.
Just chuck it.
Hello? Hang on.
No, it's very windy.
Hang on.
I have locked onto a radio microwave transmission, Father.
'Despatch the Voolox.
' I'll pick up another sink plunger on the way home.
Honestly, how many sink plungers can one person lose? No, sorry.
I can't hear you.
Speak up.
The human has been acquired.
Engaging invisibility mode.
Initiate Voolox control system.
Look to the left.
Look to the right.
I have control.
What sort of metal is that? Tin? Come on, give it back.
I thought you said it was junk? Yeah, but I found it.
These humans are disgusting.
They smell of sweat and meat.
Concentrate.
Continue your scan.
I want to take it back to the lab.
I can run some tests.
Tests? What sort of tests? I can get in after school.
Come if you want.
I've got football.
Up to you.
Miss, we're finished.
Finished? Yeah, should we head off back to school? School? Are you all right, Miss? Yes, school.
A sensible strategy.
Everyone back to school.
Once you're done experimenting, you are going to give that back to me, right? You said it was junk.
Oh! Ah Hello? 'Gran!' Oh, Tom.
I'm spring cleaning the chamber.
I don't think it's been done in 500 years.
Gran, listen.
I've found a ring charged with magic.
Oh.
Oh, this isn't good.
A wizard loses a magic ring, another gives it to an Unenchanted.
'I didn't give it to him!' I'll be there in a jiffy.
What? No! I didn't mean Ugh! Miss.
I I wasn't going to blow anything up this time.
Honest.
Give it to me.
Miss? The energy source.
What? You mean this? How is that happening? I am your superior.
You will do as I say.
Hand it to me, half ling.
Half ling? No, brother.
The humans address their half lings as "children".
Give it to me children.
"Children"? Are you OK, Miss? Give it to me or be disintegrated.
Voolox to full attack mode.
Oh, boy.
I was coming after you.
Miss Webster, she's been taken over by aliens! Benny, what are you on? They've turned her into some sort of alien cyborg slave.
Look, just give me the ring.
That's what she's after.
Do not let them escape, Varg.
The half lings are irrelevant.
I will destroy them.
I told you, she's an alien cyborg slave.
There's no such thing as aliens.
That thing on her back? It's controlling her and firing lasers.
No way is that Earth technology.
And what about this? It glowed, remember? And that's what she's after.
I bet this is alien, too.
I keep telling you, this isn't from outer space.
You're one of them! You're an alien, too! We're trapped! We're going to die.
Not while I'm here.
Kadra-dach dah! Another wizard? 'Magic.
I must have it! 'The Nekross shall feast.
' As the King commands, so it is done.
This is no work for a Voolox.
What did you just do? Benny, don't be scared.
I'm not scared but I've known you since year seven, how did you do what I just saw? Forget what you just saw.
Forget it? How did you do that? It was magic, Benny.
I'm a wizard.
Oh, you've got to be an alien.
No way would anyone but an alien think I'd fall for something like that! A wizard? Yeah, right.
Yeah, right! There is no such thing as magic.
OK.
It's better you don't believe me but I'm not from another planet.
No.
That would be me.
Now that is definitely an alien.
We are the Nekross from the Planet Nekron in the Korbol Galaxy.
You really are? You're an alien? And we have come for magic.
Well, you can have this on me.
Ava-shen dah! And? No way! I've used my spells.
We only get three spells sunrise to sunrise.
What kind of cut-price wizard are you? A tasty one and quite defenceless.
I'm going to devour you, wizard.
No-one threatens my grandson! Gran, no! It's an alien.
Don't be ridiculous.
There are no such things as aliens.
Maybe you should take a closer look.
You are the aliens to us and you disgust me.
Whatever you are, I have the blood of warrior wizards in my veins.
So she's like Gandalfina or someone? Not exactly.
I am Ursula, seventh daughter of a seventh daughter of the Magical Line of Crowe.
My family have slain demons and destroyed armies of the Neverside.
Whatever world you come from, beware.
More magic.
I shall take you both.
What? She beamed them up! What happened? Where are we? I think we're in space.
Isn't it wonderful? Earth looks so small, so far away.
Say goodbye to it, wizards.
Bow, wizards, before the Nekross King.
I'm not bowing.
Let us go.
'You defy me, wizard? I who have bestrode the stars?' Maybe you shouldn't upset him, Tom.
If you're so important, why don't you show your face? 'Ooh, you would look upon the face of the King?' Behold the King! Hail the might of Nekron! I will devour you and all of your kind, wizard blood.
The Nekross shall feast! Stop or die, Earthlings! Don't threaten my grandson.
Gran! I'm going back.
I'm going to save her.
Chamber of Crowe, open to me.
But what about the bloodline? The warrior wizards are gone.
And by the way, I'm not supposed to do this.
What is that? What? The King is hungry.
I hope I give you heartburn.
What was that? What happens next? Cross our fingers? That's the best you've got?