Xavier: Renegade Angel (2007) s01e01 Episode Script
What Life D-D-Doth
1
Xavier: [ Thinking ] WHA
DOTH LIFE?
ARE WE JUST FLESHY BLIPS IN SOME
MEANINGLESS STEW OF COSMIC
OBLIVION?
OR IS IT VICE-REVERSA?
IS OUR EVERY TROLLOP THROUGH
FATE'S GARDEN INFUSED WITH A
MYSTIC --
HEY, BUNGHOLE, CEASE THA
INNER YAPPING.
Xavier: I DON'T WANT NO
TROUBLE, MISTER.
FREAK! IF YOU DIDN'T WAN
TROUBLE, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
WANDERED INTO BURBURY,
CONNECTICUT.
Xavier: PLEASE, I'M JUST A
SIMPLE SEEKER ON A SPIRIT QUES
TO DISCOVER
WHAT DOTH LIFE?
WE DON'T GOT NO FREAKS HERE
IN BURBURY, AND WE'S DONE HATE
FREAKS WITH OPEN, UNQUENCHABLE
CANS OF PHILOSOPHICAL
THIRST-WORMS.
[ SPITS ]
Xavier: YOU'RE GONNA REGRE
THAT.
YOU'VE SHATTERED MY SHAKHASHIRI.
I HOPE Y'ALL CAN PLAY IT 3
FEET UP YOUR ASS.
Xavier: DON'T KNOW.
BUT I'D SURE LIKE TO TRY.
WHAT YOU GONNA DO,
BIRD-BEAST, FLY AWAY ON YOUR
CUDDLE BONE?
YEAH, CUDDLE THIS
B-B-B-B-B-BONE.
BEST STAY WAY FROM THA
WEIRDO.
YOU'LL CATCH THE FELINE AIDS.
YEAH, FROM ME.
M-M-M-MEOW.
Xavier: DO YOURSELF A SOLID.
WALK AWAY.
JUST WALK AWAY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
CH-CH-CHICKEN?
FRIGHTENED?
OR DO YOU PREFER, WHAT'S THE
MATTER, CHICKEN?
F-F-FRIGHTENED?
Xavier: PLEASE WALK AWAY.
YOU MAY NEED MY HELP SOMEDAY.
[ Echoes ] WALK AWAY.
YEAH, HELP ME PUNCH YOUR NECK
OFF.
WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-
WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WELCOME TO
BURBURY.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Xavier: WELL, MA'AM, I
SUPPOSE I'M SEEKING A DEEPER
STRATA OF TRUTH.
PERHAPS YOU CAN ANSWER THE ONE
QUESTION THAT HAS PLAGUED
THINKERS FOR ALL TIME.
WHAT DOTH LIFE?
ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.
PROCESSING.
PROCESSING.
PROCESSING.
PROCESSING.
[ Distorted ] PROCESSING.
PROCESSING.
DEPTH OVERLOAD.
DEPTH OVERLOAD.
YOU ALL RIGHT, MISTER?
SORRY OUR COMPUTER'S FRITZING ON
Y'ALL.
Xavier: I'LL BE FINE.
I'M A SURVIVOR.
WE'RE A DYING BREED.
I SUPPOSE YOU'LL BE WANTING TO
HEAR MY STORY.
WHAT?
Xavier: I DON'T LIKE TO TELL
PEOPLE MY STORY, BUT YOU --
YOU'VE BEEN SO VERY KIND.
ACTUALLY, I HAVE TO GE
GOING.
Xavier: [ Echoes ] LIFE.
YOU COULD SAY IT STARTED WHEN I
WAS A KID.
LIKE MOST FOLKS, I'VE ALWAYS
BEEN DIFFERENT, BUT NOT LIKE THE
OTHERS.
OTHER KIDS COULD BE CRUEL.
THEY'D CALL ME NAMES -- DWEEB,
CHIMP, HONKY, DWEEBY CHIMP,
HONKY DWEEB, AND, WORST OF ALL,
CHOMPSKY HONK.
DID YOU KNOW THERE'S OVER 87
COMBINATIONS OF THOSE
SOUL-SCALDING WORDS?
I FOUND OUT THE HARD WAY.
LIFE.
ADOLESCENCE WAS BETTER.
WENT TO THE PROM WITH A MODEL,
BUT SHE LEFT WITH SOME JOCK.
DYKE.
BUT THEN I FELT SOMETHING IN MY
GUT -- THE PALPABLE SUSPICION
THAT I HAD A DEEPER CALLING IN
LIFE.
SO I SOUGHT OUT THE WISDOM OF
THE ANCIENTS, EXPLORING THE
SPIRIT REALM OF THE SOUL.
ONE DAY, TRAGEDY STRUCK.
I WAS GROPING ENLIGHTENMENT IN
MY BEDROOM, AND BEFORE YOU COULD
SCREAM "MURDER BY ARSON," OUR
HOUSE WAS ON FIRE.
COULDN'T SAVE MY PARENTS.
CORONER RULED IT A SIMPLE CASE
OF DEATH BY MYSTERIOUS FIRE, BU
I ALWAYS SENSED THAT THERE WAS
SOMETHING FISHY ABOUT IT.
NEEDLESS TO SAY, MY SO-CALLED
FATHER WAS A SCIENTIST IN SOME
TOP SECRET CAPACITY I'VE YET TO
UNVEIL.
YET
YET -- YET -- YET
SO NOW I WANDER THE COUNTRY,
LOOKING FOR THE MAN WHO KILLED
MY FATHER AND, I SUPPOSE,
SEEKING ANSWERS TO LESS TANGIBLE
QUESTIONS OF LIFE.
IF I HELP A FEW FOLKS ALONG THE
WAY, SO BE IT.
SO, YOU USE YOUR POWERS TO
SAVE PEOPLE?
Xavier: POWERS ARE FOR THE
WEAK.
I HAVE NO POWERS.
I MEAN, UNLESS YOU COUNT THE
POWER TO BLOW MINDS WITH MY
WEAPONS-GRADE PHILOSOPHICAL
INSIGHTS.
I'M A THOUGHT-OCOSTER.
I'M A CONUNDRUMMER IN A BAND
CALLED LIFE PUZZLER.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'M TAKING
OFF.
LATER.
Xavier: HELL, I'VE FLIPPED
MORE LIDS THAN A MONKEY IN A
SOUP KITCHEN OF THE MIND.
DOES THAT MAKE ME A HERO?
[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
[ Echoing ] NO.
OW, THAT -- THAT TRUCK WAS
NOWHERE NEAR ME.
IS THAT F-F-FREAK H-HARASSING
YOU?
OR WOULD YOU PREFER "HER ASS IN"
YOU?
Xavier: I'M HER PROTECTORATE.
SHE OWES HER LIFE TO ME, AND NOW
I'M HER SOUL SLAVE.
THAT'S GOOD.
LET ME WRITE THAT DOWN.
"WRITE THAT DOWN."
OH, HE'S HARMLESS.
WHAT Y'ALL DOING?
WE GOT A LOAD OF COMPUTERS
FROM ALL AROUND TOWN WHICH JUS
GOT VIRUS.
WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO DUMP THEM IN
THE LANDFILL.
YOU MUST LOVE THE EARTH LIKE
YOU LOVED YOUR MOTHER.
KISS YOUR MOTHER, YOUNGLING.
GO ON.
HARDER.
SHE WANTS IT HARDER.
Xavier: IT HURTS.
DON'T SULLY THE SACRED LANDSCAPE
OF OUR MOTHER EARTH WITH THOSE
INFECTED COMPUTERS.
DUMP THEM IN THE LAKE WHERE NO
ONE CAN SEE THEM.
LATER, CHOMPSKY HONK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU GAVE ME A NASTY GASH.
Xavier: I BETTER TAKE A LOOK
AT YOU STAT.
I'M A CERTIFIED WAHOCKAMANA
HEALER.
YOU SEE
AW.
Xavier: I SPENT NINE YEARS
AS THE PUPIL OF A WISE
APACHESTANI SHAMAN.
PLEASE, I DON'T HAVE TIME.
Xavier: CHIEF WAS DEEP.
HE WAS BALLSY.
HE TAUGHT THE WAY OF THE HEAL.
IN ORDER TO HEAL THIS WOUND,
YOU MUST PLAY A SHAKHASHIRISK
WIND TRANCE.
[ MUSIC PLAYS ]
YOUR FAILURE IS MERELY A PORTEN
OF DISAPPOINTMENTS TO COME.
CONFRONT YOUR FUTURE.
Xavier: WOW, THAT'S ME YEARS
FROM NOW.
I LOOK CUT.
HEY, THAT'S A NICE CHUNK OF
CHICKEN ON MY ARM.
LOOK, WE'RE IN HIS VISION -- MY
VISION.
WHAT THE --
Xavier: HEY, SHAKE HANDS WITH
YOUR FUTURE, OLD FRIEND.
OOH, FRITTATA.
LATER, CHOMPSKY HONK.
YEAH, I TRICKED THE TRICKSTER.
SEE, STILL GOT THE SCAR TO PROVE
IT.
I'M JUST GONNA GO TAKE A
SHOWER.
Xavier: LOOK AT THE TWO OF
US.
WE CAN BE LIKE BEAUTY AND THE
BEAST.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
WILL YOU BE MY BEAST?
YEAH, DUMP THEM 'PUTERS,
BOYS.
DUMP 'EM ALL.
[ LAUGHS ]
DEPTH OVERLOAD.
DEPTH OVERLOAD.
DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-
DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEPTH
OVERLOAD.
Xavier: OH, PEEP SHOW.
OOH, FRITTATA, I'M WATCHING A
WOMAN WASHING.
I WISH I COULD SEE MYSELF
WATCHING WASHING.
WHAT
THE
WATER.
THE COMPUTER VIRUS -- IT'S IN
THE LAKE.
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?
Xavier: THE VIRUS IS IN THE
WATER.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
Xavier: IF THE COMPUTER VIRUS
IS INFECTING PEOPLE, THEN I NEED
TO GET A HUMAN VIRUS TO
INFECTICIDE THE COMPUTER.
WELCOME TO THE U.S. ARMY.
HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
Xavier: I NEED SOME OF THA
DISEASE YOU GUYS INVENTED.
CRACK?
Xavier: THE OTHER ONE.
AIDS?
Xavier: THAT'S THE SPICE.
YOU'LL NEED TO FILL OUT AN
HC24-A REQUISITION FORM.
Xavier: I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR
THAT.
[ SIGHS ]
I SHOULDN'T DO THIS, BUT HERE.
SOMEONE LEFT THIS IN THE LOS
AND FOUND.
Xavier: FRITTATA.
JUST GOT TO DUMP THIS LOAD IN
THAT DIRTY 'PUTER'S FLOPPY SLO
AND COLLECT MY KUDOS.
HEY, THERE'S THAT FREAK BEAS
WHAT CAUSED THIS PLAGUE UPON
US.
Xavier: YOU CAN ALL FRET NOT.
I HAVE THE CURE RIGHT HERE.
CURE? GIVE ME THAT.
Xavier: YOU DON'T WANT TO
DRINK THAT.
AHH. CURE-ALICIOUS.
IS IT WORKING?
YEAH, CLIP, IT'S WORKING.
JUST GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT.
I'M SCARED.
IS THAT YOU, GRANDMAMA?
OH, COME HERE.
OH, CLIPPLE.
Y'ALL JUST KILLED MY BES
PLATONIC MALE FRIEND.
AND NOW I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR
A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A
Xavier: I THOUGHT YOU HAD THE
STUTTER.
HE SEEMS TO BE STUCK IN SOME
SORT OF A GL-GL-GLITCH.
AND YOU'S THE DEVIL WHAT BROUGH
COMPUTERIZED VIRAL SHAME TO OUR
TOWN.
I'M GONNA POUND YOU DOWN.
DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN --
DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN --
DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN
[ SQUAWKING ]
DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO.
DIB-DIB
YOWSER, THIS TOWN'S GONE
BOWSER.
FREAK ANY-- WHY'D I EVER HELP
THAT FREAK ANY-- WHY'D I EVER
HELP THAT FREAK ANY-- WHY'D I
EVER HELP THAT FREAK ANY--
Xavier: CAN'T STOP THINKING
ABOUT ME, HUH?
I KNOW THE FEELING.
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
"WHAT DOTH LIFE" SET MY
PONDER CIRCUITS TO SPIRIT SEEK
BEYOND THEIR CAPACITY TO
DIGITALLY SIMULACULATE.
THIS IS A DEFCOM 5 LEVEL
SYSTEM-WIDE DEGENERATIVE
THOUGHT-TASTROPHE.
TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-
TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-
TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE
Xavier: NOW'S NOT THE BES
TIME, BUT YOUR BROTHER DIED OF A
SHAMEFUL LIFESTYLE CHOICE.
YOUNGLING, YOU MUST TAME THE
BEAST WITH YOUR SOUL-SOOTHING
SONG.
Xavier: NO TIME TO GAB.
I'VE GOT TO COBBLE TOGETHER A
MAKESHIFT SHAKHASHIRI TO TAME A
CERTAIN BEAST.
SEE YOURSELF OUT.
[ MUSIC PLAYS ]
THAT MUSIC -- SO SOOTHING.
IT'S THE NOTES HE'S NOT PLAYING.
SO RELAXING.
RETURNING.
RESTORING.
MY ARM.
Xavier: JUST NEEDED A HAND TO
TAME THE BEAST.
SYSTEM NORMALIZED.
WELCOME TO BURBURY.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Xavier: ALL SYSTEMS BACK TO
GO, HUH?
I BETTER JUST TEST YOU OUT TO
MAKE SURE YOU'RE SAFE.
HERE'S A NEW LITTLE
PHILOSOPHICAL QUERY FOR YOU TO
CHOMP ON.
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT A THOUGHT.
IT'S INTENSE!
Xavier: LISTEN, THIS IS NEVER
EASY TO SAY.
YOU AND I BOTH KNEW WHAT WE HAD
COULDN'T LAST.
I DO LOVE YOU.
BUT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS A
LADY NAMED RAMBLIN' ON.
[ Thinking ] SO MAYBE WE ARE
JUST BLIPS IN A VOID OF
NOTHINGNESS.
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO WALK
AWAY.
[ Echoing ] WALK AWAY.
HEY, WHERE YOU HEADED,
MISTER?
Xavier: WHICHEVER PATH FRAU
DESTINY SETS BENEATH THIS
SEEKER, THIS PUPIL OF THE
UNIVERSE IS AS GOOD AS ANY.
COOL.
CHECK THIS OUT.
Xavier: [ Thinking ] WHA
DOTH LIFE?
ARE WE JUST FLESHY BLIPS IN SOME
MEANINGLESS STEW OF COSMIC
OBLIVION?
OR IS IT VICE-REVERSA?
IS OUR EVERY TROLLOP THROUGH
FATE'S GARDEN INFUSED WITH A
MYSTIC --
HEY, BUNGHOLE, CEASE THA
INNER YAPPING.
Xavier: I DON'T WANT NO
TROUBLE, MISTER.
FREAK! IF YOU DIDN'T WAN
TROUBLE, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
WANDERED INTO BURBURY,
CONNECTICUT.
Xavier: PLEASE, I'M JUST A
SIMPLE SEEKER ON A SPIRIT QUES
TO DISCOVER
WHAT DOTH LIFE?
WE DON'T GOT NO FREAKS HERE
IN BURBURY, AND WE'S DONE HATE
FREAKS WITH OPEN, UNQUENCHABLE
CANS OF PHILOSOPHICAL
THIRST-WORMS.
[ SPITS ]
Xavier: YOU'RE GONNA REGRE
THAT.
YOU'VE SHATTERED MY SHAKHASHIRI.
I HOPE Y'ALL CAN PLAY IT 3
FEET UP YOUR ASS.
Xavier: DON'T KNOW.
BUT I'D SURE LIKE TO TRY.
WHAT YOU GONNA DO,
BIRD-BEAST, FLY AWAY ON YOUR
CUDDLE BONE?
YEAH, CUDDLE THIS
B-B-B-B-B-BONE.
BEST STAY WAY FROM THA
WEIRDO.
YOU'LL CATCH THE FELINE AIDS.
YEAH, FROM ME.
M-M-M-MEOW.
Xavier: DO YOURSELF A SOLID.
WALK AWAY.
JUST WALK AWAY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
CH-CH-CHICKEN?
FRIGHTENED?
OR DO YOU PREFER, WHAT'S THE
MATTER, CHICKEN?
F-F-FRIGHTENED?
Xavier: PLEASE WALK AWAY.
YOU MAY NEED MY HELP SOMEDAY.
[ Echoes ] WALK AWAY.
YEAH, HELP ME PUNCH YOUR NECK
OFF.
WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-
WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WEL-WELCOME TO
BURBURY.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Xavier: WELL, MA'AM, I
SUPPOSE I'M SEEKING A DEEPER
STRATA OF TRUTH.
PERHAPS YOU CAN ANSWER THE ONE
QUESTION THAT HAS PLAGUED
THINKERS FOR ALL TIME.
WHAT DOTH LIFE?
ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.
PROCESSING.
PROCESSING.
PROCESSING.
PROCESSING.
[ Distorted ] PROCESSING.
PROCESSING.
DEPTH OVERLOAD.
DEPTH OVERLOAD.
YOU ALL RIGHT, MISTER?
SORRY OUR COMPUTER'S FRITZING ON
Y'ALL.
Xavier: I'LL BE FINE.
I'M A SURVIVOR.
WE'RE A DYING BREED.
I SUPPOSE YOU'LL BE WANTING TO
HEAR MY STORY.
WHAT?
Xavier: I DON'T LIKE TO TELL
PEOPLE MY STORY, BUT YOU --
YOU'VE BEEN SO VERY KIND.
ACTUALLY, I HAVE TO GE
GOING.
Xavier: [ Echoes ] LIFE.
YOU COULD SAY IT STARTED WHEN I
WAS A KID.
LIKE MOST FOLKS, I'VE ALWAYS
BEEN DIFFERENT, BUT NOT LIKE THE
OTHERS.
OTHER KIDS COULD BE CRUEL.
THEY'D CALL ME NAMES -- DWEEB,
CHIMP, HONKY, DWEEBY CHIMP,
HONKY DWEEB, AND, WORST OF ALL,
CHOMPSKY HONK.
DID YOU KNOW THERE'S OVER 87
COMBINATIONS OF THOSE
SOUL-SCALDING WORDS?
I FOUND OUT THE HARD WAY.
LIFE.
ADOLESCENCE WAS BETTER.
WENT TO THE PROM WITH A MODEL,
BUT SHE LEFT WITH SOME JOCK.
DYKE.
BUT THEN I FELT SOMETHING IN MY
GUT -- THE PALPABLE SUSPICION
THAT I HAD A DEEPER CALLING IN
LIFE.
SO I SOUGHT OUT THE WISDOM OF
THE ANCIENTS, EXPLORING THE
SPIRIT REALM OF THE SOUL.
ONE DAY, TRAGEDY STRUCK.
I WAS GROPING ENLIGHTENMENT IN
MY BEDROOM, AND BEFORE YOU COULD
SCREAM "MURDER BY ARSON," OUR
HOUSE WAS ON FIRE.
COULDN'T SAVE MY PARENTS.
CORONER RULED IT A SIMPLE CASE
OF DEATH BY MYSTERIOUS FIRE, BU
I ALWAYS SENSED THAT THERE WAS
SOMETHING FISHY ABOUT IT.
NEEDLESS TO SAY, MY SO-CALLED
FATHER WAS A SCIENTIST IN SOME
TOP SECRET CAPACITY I'VE YET TO
UNVEIL.
YET
YET -- YET -- YET
SO NOW I WANDER THE COUNTRY,
LOOKING FOR THE MAN WHO KILLED
MY FATHER AND, I SUPPOSE,
SEEKING ANSWERS TO LESS TANGIBLE
QUESTIONS OF LIFE.
IF I HELP A FEW FOLKS ALONG THE
WAY, SO BE IT.
SO, YOU USE YOUR POWERS TO
SAVE PEOPLE?
Xavier: POWERS ARE FOR THE
WEAK.
I HAVE NO POWERS.
I MEAN, UNLESS YOU COUNT THE
POWER TO BLOW MINDS WITH MY
WEAPONS-GRADE PHILOSOPHICAL
INSIGHTS.
I'M A THOUGHT-OCOSTER.
I'M A CONUNDRUMMER IN A BAND
CALLED LIFE PUZZLER.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'M TAKING
OFF.
LATER.
Xavier: HELL, I'VE FLIPPED
MORE LIDS THAN A MONKEY IN A
SOUP KITCHEN OF THE MIND.
DOES THAT MAKE ME A HERO?
[ TIRES SCREECHING ]
[ Echoing ] NO.
OW, THAT -- THAT TRUCK WAS
NOWHERE NEAR ME.
IS THAT F-F-FREAK H-HARASSING
YOU?
OR WOULD YOU PREFER "HER ASS IN"
YOU?
Xavier: I'M HER PROTECTORATE.
SHE OWES HER LIFE TO ME, AND NOW
I'M HER SOUL SLAVE.
THAT'S GOOD.
LET ME WRITE THAT DOWN.
"WRITE THAT DOWN."
OH, HE'S HARMLESS.
WHAT Y'ALL DOING?
WE GOT A LOAD OF COMPUTERS
FROM ALL AROUND TOWN WHICH JUS
GOT VIRUS.
WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO DUMP THEM IN
THE LANDFILL.
YOU MUST LOVE THE EARTH LIKE
YOU LOVED YOUR MOTHER.
KISS YOUR MOTHER, YOUNGLING.
GO ON.
HARDER.
SHE WANTS IT HARDER.
Xavier: IT HURTS.
DON'T SULLY THE SACRED LANDSCAPE
OF OUR MOTHER EARTH WITH THOSE
INFECTED COMPUTERS.
DUMP THEM IN THE LAKE WHERE NO
ONE CAN SEE THEM.
LATER, CHOMPSKY HONK.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU GAVE ME A NASTY GASH.
Xavier: I BETTER TAKE A LOOK
AT YOU STAT.
I'M A CERTIFIED WAHOCKAMANA
HEALER.
YOU SEE
AW.
Xavier: I SPENT NINE YEARS
AS THE PUPIL OF A WISE
APACHESTANI SHAMAN.
PLEASE, I DON'T HAVE TIME.
Xavier: CHIEF WAS DEEP.
HE WAS BALLSY.
HE TAUGHT THE WAY OF THE HEAL.
IN ORDER TO HEAL THIS WOUND,
YOU MUST PLAY A SHAKHASHIRISK
WIND TRANCE.
[ MUSIC PLAYS ]
YOUR FAILURE IS MERELY A PORTEN
OF DISAPPOINTMENTS TO COME.
CONFRONT YOUR FUTURE.
Xavier: WOW, THAT'S ME YEARS
FROM NOW.
I LOOK CUT.
HEY, THAT'S A NICE CHUNK OF
CHICKEN ON MY ARM.
LOOK, WE'RE IN HIS VISION -- MY
VISION.
WHAT THE --
Xavier: HEY, SHAKE HANDS WITH
YOUR FUTURE, OLD FRIEND.
OOH, FRITTATA.
LATER, CHOMPSKY HONK.
YEAH, I TRICKED THE TRICKSTER.
SEE, STILL GOT THE SCAR TO PROVE
IT.
I'M JUST GONNA GO TAKE A
SHOWER.
Xavier: LOOK AT THE TWO OF
US.
WE CAN BE LIKE BEAUTY AND THE
BEAST.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
WILL YOU BE MY BEAST?
YEAH, DUMP THEM 'PUTERS,
BOYS.
DUMP 'EM ALL.
[ LAUGHS ]
DEPTH OVERLOAD.
DEPTH OVERLOAD.
DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-
DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEP-DEPTH
OVERLOAD.
Xavier: OH, PEEP SHOW.
OOH, FRITTATA, I'M WATCHING A
WOMAN WASHING.
I WISH I COULD SEE MYSELF
WATCHING WASHING.
WHAT
THE
WATER.
THE COMPUTER VIRUS -- IT'S IN
THE LAKE.
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?
Xavier: THE VIRUS IS IN THE
WATER.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
Xavier: IF THE COMPUTER VIRUS
IS INFECTING PEOPLE, THEN I NEED
TO GET A HUMAN VIRUS TO
INFECTICIDE THE COMPUTER.
WELCOME TO THE U.S. ARMY.
HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
Xavier: I NEED SOME OF THA
DISEASE YOU GUYS INVENTED.
CRACK?
Xavier: THE OTHER ONE.
AIDS?
Xavier: THAT'S THE SPICE.
YOU'LL NEED TO FILL OUT AN
HC24-A REQUISITION FORM.
Xavier: I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR
THAT.
[ SIGHS ]
I SHOULDN'T DO THIS, BUT HERE.
SOMEONE LEFT THIS IN THE LOS
AND FOUND.
Xavier: FRITTATA.
JUST GOT TO DUMP THIS LOAD IN
THAT DIRTY 'PUTER'S FLOPPY SLO
AND COLLECT MY KUDOS.
HEY, THERE'S THAT FREAK BEAS
WHAT CAUSED THIS PLAGUE UPON
US.
Xavier: YOU CAN ALL FRET NOT.
I HAVE THE CURE RIGHT HERE.
CURE? GIVE ME THAT.
Xavier: YOU DON'T WANT TO
DRINK THAT.
AHH. CURE-ALICIOUS.
IS IT WORKING?
YEAH, CLIP, IT'S WORKING.
JUST GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT.
I'M SCARED.
IS THAT YOU, GRANDMAMA?
OH, COME HERE.
OH, CLIPPLE.
Y'ALL JUST KILLED MY BES
PLATONIC MALE FRIEND.
AND NOW I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR
A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A
Xavier: I THOUGHT YOU HAD THE
STUTTER.
HE SEEMS TO BE STUCK IN SOME
SORT OF A GL-GL-GLITCH.
AND YOU'S THE DEVIL WHAT BROUGH
COMPUTERIZED VIRAL SHAME TO OUR
TOWN.
I'M GONNA POUND YOU DOWN.
DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN --
DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN --
DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN -- DOWN
[ SQUAWKING ]
DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO.
DIB-DIB
YOWSER, THIS TOWN'S GONE
BOWSER.
FREAK ANY-- WHY'D I EVER HELP
THAT FREAK ANY-- WHY'D I EVER
HELP THAT FREAK ANY-- WHY'D I
EVER HELP THAT FREAK ANY--
Xavier: CAN'T STOP THINKING
ABOUT ME, HUH?
I KNOW THE FEELING.
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
"WHAT DOTH LIFE" SET MY
PONDER CIRCUITS TO SPIRIT SEEK
BEYOND THEIR CAPACITY TO
DIGITALLY SIMULACULATE.
THIS IS A DEFCOM 5 LEVEL
SYSTEM-WIDE DEGENERATIVE
THOUGHT-TASTROPHE.
TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-
TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-
TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE-TASTROPHE
Xavier: NOW'S NOT THE BES
TIME, BUT YOUR BROTHER DIED OF A
SHAMEFUL LIFESTYLE CHOICE.
YOUNGLING, YOU MUST TAME THE
BEAST WITH YOUR SOUL-SOOTHING
SONG.
Xavier: NO TIME TO GAB.
I'VE GOT TO COBBLE TOGETHER A
MAKESHIFT SHAKHASHIRI TO TAME A
CERTAIN BEAST.
SEE YOURSELF OUT.
[ MUSIC PLAYS ]
THAT MUSIC -- SO SOOTHING.
IT'S THE NOTES HE'S NOT PLAYING.
SO RELAXING.
RETURNING.
RESTORING.
MY ARM.
Xavier: JUST NEEDED A HAND TO
TAME THE BEAST.
SYSTEM NORMALIZED.
WELCOME TO BURBURY.
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
Xavier: ALL SYSTEMS BACK TO
GO, HUH?
I BETTER JUST TEST YOU OUT TO
MAKE SURE YOU'RE SAFE.
HERE'S A NEW LITTLE
PHILOSOPHICAL QUERY FOR YOU TO
CHOMP ON.
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT A THOUGHT.
IT'S INTENSE!
Xavier: LISTEN, THIS IS NEVER
EASY TO SAY.
YOU AND I BOTH KNEW WHAT WE HAD
COULDN'T LAST.
I DO LOVE YOU.
BUT THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS A
LADY NAMED RAMBLIN' ON.
[ Thinking ] SO MAYBE WE ARE
JUST BLIPS IN A VOID OF
NOTHINGNESS.
AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME TO WALK
AWAY.
[ Echoing ] WALK AWAY.
HEY, WHERE YOU HEADED,
MISTER?
Xavier: WHICHEVER PATH FRAU
DESTINY SETS BENEATH THIS
SEEKER, THIS PUPIL OF THE
UNIVERSE IS AS GOOD AS ANY.
COOL.
CHECK THIS OUT.