Xena: Warrior Princess s01e01 Episode Script

Hello? You got any food you could spare? Food's scarce everywhere No one has anything to spare.
Where are your parents? The other side.
They were killed by Xena, the Warrior Princess.
She came down out of the sky in a chariot, throwing thunderbolts and breathing fire.
OK.
We can do this one of two ways: You can let us have the girls and go back to thoses hovels you call home,or we can hack you all into litt,le pieces, and take the girls anyway! Gabrielle! Take me! Let the others go! Nice try! But we'll take you, and anybody else we want! It's never too early to start training a slave girl.
I got to admit,this village makes tough women.
OK,OK, now we taket he gloves off start hacking.
You round up the girls.
Yes, sir!You heard him, round up the girls!All right, let's go! We'll take care of this one.
Come on! She's down!Yeah!We got her now! Yeah!You're nottough, after all! Now! Come on!Now's our chance! That's more like it! Now we've got `em! You're with Draco Tell him Xena says,`Hello.
' That thing you did with the hoop That was amazing.
Where did you get that? Did you make it yourself? And that kick you do You've got to teach me Xena, we'd like you move on.
Move on?Father,she should rest here until her wound is healed.
Daughter, hush.
We don't want any trouble with you,Xena.
We know your reputation.
We just want you to leave.
But, Father, she saved It's all right.
I plan to move on, anyway.
Don't take too long.
Let's go, Gabrielle.
Hey, just because we're betrothed, doesn't mean you can boss me around.
I want to stay and talk to Xena.
You've got to take me with you and teach me everything you know.
You can't leave me here.
Why? Did you see the guy they want me to marry? He looks like a gentle soul, that's rare in a man.
It's not the gentle part I have a problem with.
It's the dull, stupid part.
Xena, I'm not cut out for this village life.
I was born to do so much more.
I travel alone.
So, where are you headed now? Amphipolis.
That's in Thrace, isn't it? I love to study maps and place names.
So, what route do you usually take? Don't even think about it.
What? Following me You don't want to make me mad now, do you? All right-- now all four of you.
He caught three of them.
Who has the green arrows? Green-- not me.
Thank the gods.
Ares has smiled on you Sign him up, and get the other sout of my sight.
Yes, Draco.
Hector how's the throat? Next time I see her, I'll kill her.
Pray to the gods you never have to deliver on that boast.
Night watch! All clear! Hello, Draco.
Xena, you look good.
So do you except for that ugly scar.
It's nice of you to give me something to remember you by.
You picked the wrong woman to get rough with.
It never would have happened if you'd been more cooperative.
What are you doing here? If you wanted to kill me You'd be dead.
I want to ask a favor.
What do you want? Your men were at a village today.
I heard they got a large dose of the Warrior Princess.
I want you to spare that village.
You care about those peasants? I could have mercy on that village if? If what? You join with me.
We'd make an invincible team.
I can't do it, Draco.
What does that mean? I'm going home.
I dreamt of being with you in love, or against you in battle.
You won't give me the satisfaction of either will you, will you? I'll spare that village for old times' sake.
Thank you.
What do you hope to find back in Amphipolis? Forgiveness? I tried to go home once.
My father almost beat me to death with blacksmith's hammer.
You'll get the same treatment, I guarantee it Goodbye.
What's in the bag? Lila, I'm going to join up with Xena.
Are you serious? Absolutely.
I'm going to be a warrior, like her.
A warrior.
Garielle,I can beat you up.
Yeah, well you're very strong for your age.
Lila, you know I'm different from everybody else in this town.
I know you're crazy.
Well, call it whatever you like.
The point is I don't fit in here.
And the idea of marrying Perdicus He loves you, you know.
But I don't love him.
I've got to do this, Lila.
I'm gonna miss you so much.
Cheer up You'll finally have a room of your own.
Take care of Mother Don't let her carry the water from the well by herself All right.
Come on boy, we can make it.
That's it easy.
There easy enough? What's the problem? Smell trouble? It's you! You lost some weight since I saw you last I guess that job I did on your eye must have cut down on the people-eating, huh?! Ever since you blinded me, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't dreamt of tasting your flesh.
You know, you should find a different line of work.
Like what?! I'm a blind Cyclops, for crying out loud! You could hire yourself out to a village as a protector.
Even a blind Cyclops would scare most folks off.
And the villagers would probably toss you a sheep every now and again I for payment Sheep? How could you start eating mutton, I when you're used to human flesh? Suit yourself.
Xena was spotted riding toward the Strymon Pass.
Hector, take two men and cut through the Pass.
Pick up her trail and send word as soon as she's entered her home valley.
We'll march right into Amphipolis and torch everything in sight.
And spread the word that we're doing it on Xena's orders.
Then she'll know Know what? There's no rest for the wicked.
The bridge will hold me up.
The bridge will hold me up.
The bridge will hold me up.
The bridge Being an adventuress isn't that hard.
Gotcha! Immortal father Zeus in Heaven, curse this brute if he eats me! Torture him with the slain serpent's blood and the crow's droppings! Shut up! I hate chatty food.
I know Xena, the Warrior Princess.
I hate Xena, the Warrior Princess She blinded me.
It'll give me great pleasure to rip one of her friends apart with my teeth.
Friends? Who said anything about friends? I've been tracking her to kill her.
How is a young thing like you gonna kill Xena? That's the point,She'd never let a man get close enough to do her At least, not that kind of `do her.
' But, a young, innocent-looking girl like me I'll catch her totally off guard, cut her evil throat, and hack off her Cyclops-blinding hands.
You're really gonna mess her up, huh? You know what I think I'll do to her? What? Blind her gouge out them eyeballs and bring `em back to you.
It'll make a nice little appetizer, don't you think? Ooh, you'd do that for me? I feel we're bonded in our hate for this she-demon.
Go on, and, if you bring me a leg, too, I'd appreciate it.
A leg ,She's got two, doesn't she? You'll get them both.
And maybe a, a-- Hey! Let's not get greedy.
Oh, sorry.
Xena's blood or die! Thank the gods for dumb Cyclopses.
What do you think? I think you got a sore throat.
I've just blocked off the flow of blood to your brain.
You'll be dead in twenty seconds unless I release you.
Now, why are you following me? Ten seconds.
Draco, he sent me.
Draco.
He plans to destroy your home valley.
You'll regain feeling in a few minutes.
Hey, hey! Are you dead? Where are you headed? Amphipolis.
Oh, it worked!I have been lying here supplicating myself to the great god, Hermes, the god of travellers begging him to send someone who's on the way to Amphipolis.
Hah! And here you are it's a miracle, don't you think? Not really.
This is the road to Amphipolis.
Anybody that'd come along here would've been headed there.
Yeah, but, not everybody's a kindly old man who'll give me a ride.
You're right about that.
I know I'm not gonna give you a ride.
Oh, no, no, you've got to.
I'll never make it by myself.
I didn't bring enough food.
I've already gotten lost twice.
I wore the wrong shoes.
Look!-- Look, I'm sorry but I ain't got any room.
My father will give you a handsome reward when we reach Amphipolis.
He's very rich.
What's his name? Dolan.
Dolan-- The horse breeder? Best horses in Thrace.
I'll make sure he gives you a fresh steed for your troubles.
There ain't no horse dealers in Amphipolis.
It's all sheep country.
I've been told that I'm very pleasant company on a trip.
I can sing! I know several poems, which I recite with great passion.
A travelling bard once gave me lessons.
I sing of Oedipus, King of Thebes the most tragic of men.
What's the matter? You wanna tell me about Oedipus? IHah!I knew Oedipus.
I grew up in Thebes when he was king.
You knew Oedipus? I'd love to hear all about him.
Oh, well, I guess I could make room for you up here somewhere Oh, no, no need.
I'll just sit on top.
Oedipus, the most tragic of all men.
Biggest fool of all men,more like You knew him personally? Well, no, not personally,but, tsk, tsk,come on I saw him around.
Mother? Weapons aren't welcome in my tavern Neither are you.
What are you doing here? Mother, listen.
The warlord Draco is marching on this valley.
And you need to borrow a few men for an army, right? I can help organize a defense.
Give it up, Xena.
I know Draco.
I know the way he thinks.
I know what his weaknesses are.
If we act now, we stand a good chance of stopping him.
You think we're fools.
We all remember what happened the last time you talked like that.
You'll not take our sons.
Not again.
You're all in great danger! Even if that were true, we would rather die before accepting help from you again.
Not this time, Xena.
We remember.
Go away, Xena.
This is not your town anymore.
We are not your people.
I am not your mother! Never again! We know who you are.
What are you waiting for? Hector,I sent you to follow her so we'd know what she was doing; not to tell her what we're doing.
Look, I had no choice.
Neither do I-- Choose a weapon now.
Get the men ready for a forced march.
The first and second divisions are about ready now.
The third is stationed at the Strymon Pass.
Mobilize one and two.
They can take the high-road to the sea.
The third division can join us at Thrace.
They can take the Strymon road and be there in two days.
No, the pass doesn't offer enough cover.
March them north across the foot of the mountains.
Then they can cut east to the northern border.
We'll flank Amphipolis on both sides,and crush them, if they offer any resistance.
Saddle my warhorse.
Get someone to clean off my knife.
Oh, and Gar,when we find her, she's mine.
Yes, sir.
If you won't mount a defense, then you must leave here.
You came all this way just to say that? No, it wasn't the only reason.
What other purpose could you have? I wanted to come home I thought maybe this time I could get it right.
I don't think anything'll ever take away the shame and-sorrow you've brought on your kinsmen.
Probably not.
But I'm gonna spend the rest of my life trying.
Xena, I wish I could believe you.
Here she is! We know what you're up to, Xena, and we won't let you get away with it.
What are you talking about? Her army is burning fields in the west valley.
That's a lie.
It's Draco's army.
Then, why are they carrying your banners and shouting _your_ name? Do what you will with her.
You should have stayed with your army, Xena.
This is the last village you'll ever see.
Well, what are you waiting for? Take your revenge.
Come on.
It's true, what they say It's sweet.
What? Is one woman too much for you? Let me even the odds.
One unarmed woman might be more to your tastes.
Wait, wait, wait! Now, you don't know me I'm new in town.
But, I can assure you, Xena is a changed woman I saw her do some heroic things in the name of good.
Unless you're suicidal, you'll get out of the way.
She's brought Draco down on the valley.
Draco? Now, he's a scary guy.
And I understand why you're upset.
But let me throw some logic at you.
Look, you're wasting your breath.
We'll never put our faith in Xena again.
I buried two sons because of her! Now, get out of the way! Now, hold on.
Let's say that you're right and she's Draco's buddy.
Let's say, she's even his girlfriend.
Well, what have you accomplished? You think that Draco's bad news now? What do you think he'll be like, when he hears that you knocked off his woman? Oh, boy, it gives me the creeps even to think about it.
All right, but get Xena out of here right now.
No problem.
Hey, Xena.
What? I could probably get up there behind you.
What are you talking about? Wait, you're not gonna just leave me here, are you? I came all this way to see you.
That is your problem.
Hey, I just saved your life.
Where are we going? To see my brother.
You always did have trouble keeping your face clean.
I Since you've been gone I kind of lost my way Now, I found it.
thought I could start over.
But no, They don't trust me.
Not even Mother.
I can't blame her She can't see into my heart.
But I've got to believe that you can And I wish you were here.
It's hard to be alone.
You're not alone.
Which one of you consider yourself a leader? Ah, your emissary said you were interested in making a deal I found that amusing enough to agree to this meeting.
What do you have in mind? We, uh, took the liberty of putting together a few wagons of loot Some very valuable things, as well as supplies.
We hoped you'd take that and leave us in peace.
Why would I wanna do that? Well, uh, we thought that if we pledged to supply your troops whenever you're in the area, that might be very valuable to you more valuable then a bunch of dead villagers.
But not nearly as entertaining.
However, perhaps here is a deal to be made.
You do have something I want: Xena.
Xena.
But she's not here.
Where is she? I don't know.
Let me show your fellow citizens what happens to those who don't cooperate with Draco.
Please, don't kill me.
Oh, in a few minutes, you'll be begging me to do just that, you lying sack of He's not lying Hello, Draco.
Xena, How was the homecoming? Did they throw you a party? What do you want? I want you one way or the other.
We could be great together.
You must know by now you can never escape your past.
Xena, celebrate you dark side Don't run away from it.
Ride with me.
You said one way or the other.
It's the other.
Choose the weapons.
You choose the weapons.
I'll choose the conditions.
Staffs.
On that scaffolding up there.
The first one to touch the ground dies.
Kill the first one that touches the ground No one leaves until we're finished Show off.
Hit him, Xena! Why are you doing it, Xena? They're sheep! You're gonna die for them, and they despise you! Get him, Xena! Come on, Xena, Walk on me.
You can have my shoulders.
I'll help you, Xena.
Get him, Xena! I haven't touched the ground yet Draco, but you have.
Looks like I'll have to finish you off myself.
Of course, now, maybe you're willing to make a deal.
No deal, kill him.
If I let you live, you and your army clear out of the valley by sundown.
Swear it, on the head of Ares.
I swear, on the head of Ares, god of war, to be out of your valley by sundown.
Then go.
Xena! A deal's a deal.
You can take the loot wagons, of course.
I don't want anything.
Mother, forgive me, please.
I forgive you, my little one.
I forgive you.
I'm so happy to have you back again.
You know,I can't stay for long.
I was gonna follow you, until you were in some jam.
It's so cold out there, and I couldn't get a fire started.
And the mosquitoes are as big as eagles.
You know, I'm sending you home in the morning.
I won't stay home.
I don't belong there, Xena.
I'm not the little girl that my parents wanted me to be.
You wouldn't understand It's not easy proving you're a different person.
You can sleep over there.
You know,where I'm headed, there'll be trouble.
I know.
Then why would you want to go into that with me? That's what friends do They stand by each other when there's trouble.
All right, friend.