Aaahh!!! Real Monsters (1994) s01e02 Episode Script
Monsters, Get Real / Snorched If You Do, Snorched If You Don't
[ clock chiming, thunderclap]
[ creaking]
[ owl hooting]
[ shrieking]
[ crying]
[ gasps]
[ screaming]
LAZY SLIME BALLS!
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
[ needle scratching record]
[ chuckles]
[ thunderclaps]
"ITS UGLY WOUNDS
BLED GREEN, BILIOUS FLUID
AS IT CAME CLOSER AND CLOSER"
[ sniffing, coughing]
"TILL THE MONSTER'S
HOT BREATH WAS IN HIS FACE"
[ knock at door]
Man:
BRADLEY, ARE YOU ASLEEP?
YEAH, DAD.
I THOUGHT SO.
I HOPE YOU'RE
NOT READING
THOSE MONSTER
COMICS AGAIN.
THEY'LL GIVE YOU
NIGHTMARES, SON.
MONSTERS GET REAL.
[ thunderclap]
[ bed creaking]
[ bug skittering]
[ liquid flowing]
[ thunderclap]
[ bed creaking]
[ quiet growl]
[ both screaming]
[ panting]
HUH?
[ factory whistle blowing]
[ liquid bubbling]
[ machinery clanking]
[ panting, rapid footsteps]
OH, BOY, I REALLY BLEW IT.
THE GROMBLE'S GOING TO FRY ME
FOR SURE.
[ echoing clank]
[ mechanical squeaking]
BUT WHAT IF THE GROMBLE
PUTS ME IN THE TRASH COMPACTOR?
OH, SURE,
IT'S FUN THE FIRSTTIME.
Gromble:
OF ALL THE NAUSEATING,
PUKE-SPOUTING SLIME
TOE-JAM-EATING, FOUL-SMELLING
WORM-RIDDEN,
WART-COVERED, PUS-OOZING
PIMPLES ON THE BUTT OF CREATION
I'VE EVER SEEN
[ shouting]:
THIS CLASS IS THE GRUNGIEST!
[ sweetly]:
AND I'M DARN PROUD OF YOU!
[ quietly]:
WHERE'S ICKIS?
I REALLY
WOULDN'T KNOW.
BUT GOOD GROOMING ISN'T ENOUGH.
NO, NO, NO.
OUR JOB IS TO SCARE THE PANTS
OFF OF EVERYTHING THAT MOVES
AND THAT TAKES
GUTS.
[ belching]
I HATE I
WHEN HE DOES THAT.
[ rapid sniffing]
OOH, EXCUSE
ME, SIR.
MY NOSE IS RUNNING.
ENOUGH!
WHERE WAS I?
OH, YES, YES, YES.
UP TO NOW,
YOU COULD ONLY SCARE
PUPPIES AND BUNNIES.
BUT TONIGH
WAS YOUR FIRST REAL TEST--
TERRIFYING HUMANS!
ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION,
MISTER?!
Y-Y-YES, SIR,
I-I'M ALL EARS!
RIGHT!
LET'S SEE SOME DEMONSTRATION--
WHO'S FIRST? KRUMM!
THANKS, OH, GREA
GROMBLE, SIR.
[ metallic clanking]
[ zapping]
[ whirring]
[ mechanical creaking]
[ ocean waves breaking]
[ soft music playing]
Gromble:
SWEATY TEENAGERS-- GOOD CHOICE!
NOW LET'S NOTICE HOW KRUMM WAITS
UNTIL JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT
[ teens moaning softly]
[ kissing]
[ Krumm chuckling]
[ screaming]
[ class cheering]
[ door squeaking]
GOOD WORK, KRUMM!
THE OLD SMELLY
ARMPITS ATTACK.
AND I DON'T WEAR DEODORANT.
[ sniffing]
WE KNOW.
ALL RIGHT, WHICH ONE
OF YOU NOSE-PICKERS IS NEXT?
All:
ME! ME! ME! ME!
YOU!
UH, SURE, OH, WELL, I OH!
[ clanking]
[ zapping]
Gromble:
THE OLD "IT CAME
FROM UNDER THE BED" APPROACH.
NOT EXACTLY ORIGINAL
LET'S SEE
[ muttering]
AH! SCARY POSES!
AT LEAST YOU CHECKED THE MANUAL.
[ bed creaking]
HERE WE GO AGAIN.
UH-OH.
STOP.
[ screeching]
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT YOU DID?
COMPLETELY HUMILIATED MYSELF?
NO-O.
YOU LEFT YOUR
MONSTER MANUAL BEHIND!
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT WILL HAPPEN
IF YOU DO NOT GE
THAT MANUAL BACK?
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO TORTURE ME, ARE YOU?
[ laughing ]
OF COURSE NOT!
[ sighing]
THAT'S HIS JOB.
[ gasping]:
IT'S THE SNORCH.
[ growling]
I CAN'T GO BACK.
THAT KID,
HE'S GOING TO GET ME.
I GOT TO GET THAT BOOK.
BUT I CAN'T GET THE BOOK.
OF COURSE YOU CAN,
JUST GO GET THE BOOK.
I CAN'T FACE THE SNORCH!
YOU CAN FACE THE SNORCH
YOU'RE STRONG
I'M WORM FOOD.
WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP
SO THAT I CAN GET SOME SLEEP?
I WILL HELP YOU TOMORROW.
ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS
SCARE THE KID
GRAB THE MANUAL AND SPLIT.
HE'S JUS
A LITTLE BOY.
HOW HARD CAN IT POSSIBLY BE?
YOU CAN DO THIS.
DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DO.
OR THIS:
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA.
OR MAYBE THIS:
[ roaring]
[ teeth chattering]
WHY DON'T YOU
SCARE THE BOY
AND I'LL
TAKE NOTES.
AN EXCELLENT IDEA, ICKIS.
YOU WILL?
OH, THAT'S GREAT!
TERRIFIC!
MAGNI
UNFORTUNATELY
I HATE THAT WORD.
BUMMER.
IF THE GROMBLE FOUND OU
WE DID YOUR ASSIGNMEN
WE'D BE SNORCHED.
BUT WE WILL GO WITH YOU
AND SUPPORT YOU 100,000%
SWELL.
I KNOW A SHORTCUT.
[ blowing]
[ scratching]
HEE, HEE.
[ water dripping]
[ splashing]
[ echoing boom]
WHAT WAS THAT?
THE SOUNDS
OF THE SEWER.
BEAUTIFUL, HUH?
HURRY UP.
I DON'T RELISH
TRUDGING
AROUND HERE
MUCH LONGER.
LET ME SEE.
THAT'S NORTH.
WHICH MEANS THAT'S EAST.
WHICH MEANS
WE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE BUS.
[ growling]
[ snarling]
GRUNGY?
KRUMMY!
[ sucking, squishing]
ICKIS AND OBLINA
MEET MY UNCLE GRUNGY.
OH, MY!
ANY FRIEND OF KRUMMY'S.
COME HERE.
O-OH, IT'S NO
NECESSARY, SIR.
[ squishing]
CHARMED, I'M SURE.
GRUNGY,
YOU KNOW THE SEWERS.
I CAN'T FIND
THE MAIN PIPE TO 76th STREET.
HOP IN THE SUB O-JOINT.
CRAWL THREE MAIN PIPES DOWN
THEN HANG A RIGHT.
THANKS.
BYE, KRUMMY.
TAKE IT SLEAZY.
[ sloshing]
I LOVE I
WHEN HE DOES THAT.
GIVE ME A HAND.
[ sighs]
LET'S GO.
I'VE REALLY MISSED THIS.
WHAT HAVE YOU MISSED?
THE COLD, THE DAMP,
OR THE FURRY LITTLE CREATURES
THAT CRAWL UP YOUR NOSE?
[ skittering]
NEVER MIND.
HEE, HEE.
[ flushing]
WHAT'S THAT NOISE?
SOUNDS LIKE WATER.
WE'VE GO
TO GET OUT OF HERE.
IT'S JUST WATER.
HEE, HEE.
AND SOME EXTRA GOODIES.
WH-WH-WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
THE BACKSTROKE.
KRUMM, YOU IMBECILE!
[ gushing]
I CAN'T SWIM!
OBLINA, CATCH.
WE'RE COMING AFTER YOU.
SURF'S UP.
HERE GOES NOTHING.
HELP, HELP!
HANG ON, OBLINA.
[ screaming]
[ laughing nervously]
[ karate cry]
[ chuckling]
THAT WAS A ROYAL FLUSH!
[ gurgling]
NEXT TIME,
I'LL TAKE THE BUS.
I love you! I love you!
I love you!
HEE, HEE, HEE.
HOW ADORABLE.
THIS IS GOING
TO BE EASY.
THAT BOOK IS MINE!
[ kids shouting]
TAKE THAT!
OH, I BE
THEY'RE LITTLE MONSTERS!
I CAN'T DO IT, GUYS, I CAN'T.
PLEASE, LET'S GO HOME.
WELL, IT'S THEM OR
THE SNORCH.
[ rapid firing]
[ alarm ringing]
[ clattering]
[ shouting, laughing]
[ bump]
[ kids talking, laughing]
HEY, BRAD,
WHAT'S THIS PIECE OF CRUD?
PROBABLY MY SISTER'S.
[ sniffing]
SURE STINKS.
[ pops]
OOH! AAH! AAH!
[ mimicking toy]:
I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU!
[ kids shouting]
[ chuckling]
[ thudding]
[ shouting, banging]
[ groaning]
[ clicking]
OH!
WHA!
WHA!
OOH!
HEY!
LET'S THROW THEM
OUT THE WINDOW
AND SEE IF
THEY BOUNCE.
[ hissing]
[ shouting]:
NO!
[ roaring]
[ roaring]
[ operatic singing]:
R-r-ahh!
[ menacing growl]
HELP! HELP!
YOU WERE
AWESOME, ICKIS.
YOU REALLY SAVED OUR BUTTS.
ESPECIALLY MINE.
[ sniffing]
MMM.
I MUST ADMI
YOU WERE VERY IMPRESSIVE.
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU COULD BE SUCH
A MONSTROUS MONSTER.
[ voice cracking]:
NEITHER DID I.
WHEN I SAW YOU GUYS
IN DANGER
MY INSTINCTS JUST KICKED IN.
TRY TO HOLD ON
TO THE MANUAL
IN THE FUTURE.
I'M NOT LETTING I
OUT OF MY SIGHT.
IN FACT, I'M GOING TO READ
A CHAPTER OR TWO RIGHT NOW.
ARF, ARF, ARF
HUH?
"SERGEANT MIKE POLICE DOG"?
OH, GUYS, WE GO
THE WRONG BOOK!
[ popping]
[ echoing scream]
[ flapping]
[ manic laughter]
[ clock chiming]
[ moaning]
[ thunderclap]
HE WON'T GO BACK
IN HIS ROOM.
IT'S THOSE DARN
MONSTER COMICS.
[ howling]
[ meowing]
[ pages turning]
DON'T WORRY,
ICKIS
WE'LL GET YOUR MANUAL BACK
RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.
HEY, ICKIS
YOU GOT YOUR MANUAL?
WAS THERE
EVER ANY DOUBT?
SEE YOU IN CLASS
SLIMEBUCKET.
I'M NOT GOING.
DON'T BE SILLY.
IF YOU CUT THE GROMBLE'S CLASS
HE'LL SEND YOU TO BE SNORCHED.
IF I GO, HE'LL FIND OU
I DON'T HAVE MY MANUAL
AND HAVE ME SNORCHED.
SNORCHED IF YOU DO
AND SNORCHED
IF YOU DON'T.
ARE YOU THROUGH USING ME?
YEAH.
THEN MOVE ON.
YOUR STENCH
IS MAKING ME FEEL FAINT.
THANKS.
GEE, ICKIS
I HOPE YOU GO
YOUR MANUAL.
[ snickering]
I'VE GOT IT, FRUNK.
STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME.
YOU'RE OOZING, YOU KNOW.
WHAT AM I?
THE AFTERNOON
ENTERTAINMENT AROUND HERE?
IF I GET ASKED
ABOUT THAT MANUAL
ONE MORE TIME
DO YOU HAVE
YOUR MANUAL?
NO, I DON'T!
BUT I DO
HAVE THIS!
GO AHEAD, ASK ME AGAIN.
MAKE MY CENTURY!
MY, MY,
A BIT TOUCHY, AREN'T WE?
THAT IS NO WAY
TO TREAT YOUR LOCKER.
HE'S JUST DOING HIS JOB.
HM, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I APOLOGIZE, LOCKER.
AH, FORGET IT.
I'VE BEEN UNDER
A LOT OF PRESSURE.
I DON'T HAVE MY MANUAL
FOR GROMBLE'S
BIG DEAL!
HE WON'T BE THERE.
HE'S SICK.
HE IS?
YES-S!
I, OH, I MEAN
OH, GEE, I, I HOPE HE'S OKAY.
[ gigantic belch]
OOPS!
THAT'S THE BELCH FOR CLASS.
COME ON, GUYS.
I DIDN'T KNOW
THE GROMBLE WAS SICK.
HE ISN'T.
SOMEONE'S GOT TO TEACH
THAT KID SOME RESPECT.
[ both laughing]
Slimebucket:
YOU SURE YOU GOT THE MANUAL?
OH, SURE.
NO, I DON'T.
THE GROMBLE'S JUS
GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT.
I AM A VERY BUSY MONSTER.
YOU'RE NOT AFRAID
OF BEING SNORCHED.
ME? HA! HA-HA!
I LAUGH AT THE SNORCH.
I LAUGH AT THE GROMBLE.
IN FACT, SOMETIMES,
I JUST LAUGH.
[ laughing]
HOW COME YOU
STOPPED LAUGHING?
GOOD AFTERNOON, CLASS.
BUT, UM, UM,
MY LOCKER SAID THAT
TIME TO CHANGE
YOUR LOCKER, ICKIS.
WELL, YOU ALL LOOK
PARTICULARLY UGLY TODAY.
THANK YOU,
YOUR MAGNIFICENCE.
ACTUALLY, I'M FEELING
A BIT BLUE, MYSELF.
HOW ABOUT CHEERING UP
YOUR OLD TEACHER
WITH A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED HOWL?
NOW!
[ howling]
[ howling]
AHH!
THE PUREST HOWL COMES
FROM THE INSIDE OUT.
[ louder howling]
AAH! MUCH BETTER!
OKAY, COMING
TO A CONCLUSION
CRESCENDO!
[ loud howling stops]
BEAUTIFUL,
MY MALEVOLENT WONDERS.
YOU'VE REALLY CHEERED ME UP.
AS A REWARD
I'M TAKING YOU
ON A CLASS TRIP
TO THE SLIME PITS
FOR A FUN AFTERNOON
OF SLURPING AND BURPING.
Together:
YEAH!
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU LUCKED OUT, ICKIS.
YES-S!
BUT FIRST
WHERE'S YOUR MANUAL?
UM, MIGHT I SAY, SIR
THAT THE BOILS ON YOUR BACK
ARE A STUNNING CORPULENCE.
TH-THEY'RE REALLY
QUITE FETCHING.
EXCELLENT JOB
OF SUCKING UP, ICKIS.
WHERE'S YOUR MANUAL?
[ screaming]
WHAT?
I, I DIDN'T GE
MY MANUAL BACK.
NOW, DON'T BE SO
HARD ON YOURSELF.
ALL YOU NEED TO SET YOU
ON THE RIGHT PATH IS
A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED
MONSTER-TO-MONSTER TALK.
SLIMEBUCKET!
YES, YOUR
GROMBLE, SIR?
ESCORT ICKIS DOWN TO SNORCH
AND TELL HIM, "LIGHT SCOLDING."
OH, WHAT THE HEY!
THROW IN
A "COMPLETE MASHING," TOO.
[ gasps]
ICKIS, WE'VE
NEVER BEEN THAT CLOSE
BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPENS
CAN I HAVE
YOUR HAIRBALL COLLECTION?
I'LL TAKE THA
AS A "MAYBE."
YOU AN I
ARE ABOUT TO SHARE
A VERY PERSONAL
EXPERIENCE.
HERE.
BEGINNING TO FEEL
THE CLOSENESS?
I AM.
NUMBER 13.
[ Snorch growling]
IT'S SUCH A MANGY, SNORCHY
TEASE.
IT'S OUR OLD PAL
AND COMRADE IN ARMS
ICKIS.
[ squeaking]:
HI GUYS!
[ high pitched]:
HEE, HEE, HEE.
[ low pitched]:
HEE, HEE, HEE.
61. HA-HA-HA!
WELL,
AT LEAST TIME'S ON MY SIDE.
OH, WHOOPS!
SORRY.
[ gasps]
Krumm:
WE'RE MISSING THE SLIME PITS.
ICKIS OWES ME BIG TIME.
WE'RE GOING TO FIND THE MANUAL
AND GET HIM OUT OF THIS MESS.
NOW
ISN'T THAT MUCH BETTER
THAN TRAVELING BY SEWER, HM?
WAIT.
I'LL SEE IF THE COAST IS CLEAR.
SO, IT'S TOO HOT IN 10-B.
LET'S SEE IF YOU CHEAPSKATES
STIFF ME AGAIN NEXT CHRISTMAS.
[ evil laughter]
[ evil laughter]
[ coughing]
THIS IS IT.
[ thud]
KRUMM
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
[ chomping]
I'VE HAD BETTER KNOBS.
Dad:
ENOUGH TV, BRADLEY.
GO UPSTAIRS
AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
I'M NEVER GOING
IN THAT ROOM AGAIN.
IT'S TIME YOU GO
OVER THAT, KIDDO.
COME ON, SON.
IT'S TIME TO
FACE YOUR FEAR
AND LAUGH.
I DON'
THINK SO, DAD.
DON'T WORRY.
THERE'S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF.
YOU SEE?
THERE ARE
NO MONSTERS IN HERE.
UNLESS ONE
OF YOUR STUFFED ANIMALS
COMES TO LIFE.
COME ON, KIDDO.
YOU'VE GO
HOMEWORK TO DO.
[ growling]
[ meowing]
WHAT'S THE MATTER, BOOTS?
[ grunts]
[ screams]
DADDY!
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
GREAT TECHNIQUE.
THANKS.
IT GETS BORING DOWN HERE.
THIS HELPS
PASS THE TIME.
OH, YOU, YOU'RE NO
CONCERNED ABOUT SNORCH?
THAT WIMP!
I'LL SHOW HIM
A THING OR TWO.
NEXT.
SEE YOU 'ROUND, GUYS.
NO, NOT THAT.
NO, PLEASE,
ANYTHING BUT THAT.
[ screaming]:
NO-O!
Krumm:
THERE IT IS.
BE CAREFUL.
HUMANS!
I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
[ horn blasts]
I DON'T GOT IT.
THIS IS GOING
TO BE A LONG DAY.
[ brakes screeching]
[ grunting]
[ shouting]
[ water gushing]
[ bubbling]
[ gurgling]
KRUMM,
SPEAK TO ME.
UH WHAT'S THA
TERRIBLE SMELL?
IT'S ME!
I'M CLEAN.
LOOK.
YOUR TURN.
[ tires screeching]
Guard monster:
WE'RE RUNNING LATE.
SO MANY VICTIMS.
SO LITTLE TIME.
UM, PARDON ME,
IN THE INTERESTS OF SPEED
AND THE OVERALL GOOD
I AM WILLING TO FORFEIT MY TURN
AND THEN RETURN AT A LATER DATE.
HOW'S NEXT CENTURY?
[ laughing]
GOOD IDEA.
FORGET IT.
NUMBERS 17 THROUGH 21,
LINE UP AND BE READY.
NOW.
UH, SORRY, SORRY.
YOU FIRST.
NO, NO, YOU GO AHEAD.
NO, NO, REALLY,
AFTER YOU PLEASE.
OH, I COULDN'T, COULDN'T.
YOU BE MY GUEST, HUH?
NO BACKSIES.
[ blowing raspberries]
[ sniffing]
AH, OLD SARDINES.
IT IS SO DARK
I CAN'T FIND THAT SILLY MANUAL.
RELAX.
ENJOY THE MOMENT.
[ clattering]
[ mechanical racket]
CAN WE DO THIS AGAIN
ON MY BIRTHDAY?
COME ON
WE HAVE WORK TO DO.
OOH!
[ groaning]
OH, KRUMM
LOOK.
[ panting, gasping]
[ gasping]
[ groaning]
[ screams]
[ crackling]
[ factory whistle blows]
[ Krumm shouting]
VERY ATTRACTIVE.
LET'S GO HOME.
NUMBER OOH!
19.
[ screaming]
HAVE MERCY, SNORCH.
MERCY!
ZIMBO
I'LL GIVE SNORCH
MY SLUGS, ANYTHING.
WHY WASTE HIS ENERGY
ON A WORTHLESS MONSTER LIKE ME?
HEE-EE-EE.
[ growling]
[ roaring]
NO THRASHING
IN THE HALLWAYS.
THOSE ARE THE RULES.
KRUMM!
OBLINA!
HELP!
RELAX, ICKIS.
WE HAVE YOUR MANUAL.
DID YOU HEAR
THOSE BEAUTIFUL WORDS?
"WE HAVE YOUR MANUAL."
"WE HAVE YOUR MANUAL."
YA-DA-DA DA DUT-DUT DA!
"WE HAVE YOUR MANUAL."
WE HAVE YOUR MANUAL!
Zimbo:
AS IF WE CARE.
THIS MAKES HARDLY A DEN
IN OUR CONSCIOUSNESS.
HE IS OURS, IS HE NO
YOUR GREAT EXTRAORDINARY,
MARVELOUS GROMBELNESS?
WITH ALL
DUE RESPECT, SIR
KRUMM AND I WENT TO A
GREAT DEAL OF TROUBLE
TO RETRIEVE
ICKIS' MANUAL.
YOU'RE
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
YOU DID GO
TO A LOT OF TROUBLE.
IN FACT, YOU DID
SO MUCH MORE.
YOU DID
ANOTHER STUDENT'S ASSIGNMENT!
[ teeth chattering]
WELCOME
TO SNORCH'S CHAMBER
A FESTIVAL
OF ARCANE AMUSEMENTS.
KEEP YOUR ARMS
AND HANDS AND EYES
INSIDE OF THE CHAMBER
AT ALL TIMES.
WE HOPE YOU HAVE
A COMPLETELY
MISERABLE STAY HERE.
AND PLEASE, TELL YOUR FRIENDS.
NOT THE HORNS.
THAT MEANS ONLY ONE THING.
HE'S GOING TO
SING SOPRANO.
[ guttural bellowing]
AH, SWEET MISERY OF LIFE [ guttural bellowing]
SURROUND
[ guttural bellowing]
YOU
[ screaming]
[ Snorch bellowing,
Zimbo singing off-key]
[ screaming,
bellowing, singing]
NO MORE, NO MORE!
ENCORE?
DID YOU SAY "ENCORE"?
[ Snorch bellowing,
Zimbo singing off-key]
AH, SWEET MISERY OF LIFE
SURROUNDS YOU ♪
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
Zimbo:
THEY LOVED THIS
IN MY MUSIC CLASS.
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]
[ bellowing, singing]
Krumm:
NO MORE, NO MORE!
Zimbo:
ENCORE?
DID YOU SAY "ENCORE"?
I HAVE ALL MY MUSIC WITH ME.
Monsters:
YOWL!
Zimbo:
HEE, HEE, HEE.
[ creaking]
[ owl hooting]
[ shrieking]
[ crying]
[ gasps]
[ screaming]
LAZY SLIME BALLS!
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
[ needle scratching record]
[ chuckles]
[ thunderclaps]
"ITS UGLY WOUNDS
BLED GREEN, BILIOUS FLUID
AS IT CAME CLOSER AND CLOSER"
[ sniffing, coughing]
"TILL THE MONSTER'S
HOT BREATH WAS IN HIS FACE"
[ knock at door]
Man:
BRADLEY, ARE YOU ASLEEP?
YEAH, DAD.
I THOUGHT SO.
I HOPE YOU'RE
NOT READING
THOSE MONSTER
COMICS AGAIN.
THEY'LL GIVE YOU
NIGHTMARES, SON.
MONSTERS GET REAL.
[ thunderclap]
[ bed creaking]
[ bug skittering]
[ liquid flowing]
[ thunderclap]
[ bed creaking]
[ quiet growl]
[ both screaming]
[ panting]
HUH?
[ factory whistle blowing]
[ liquid bubbling]
[ machinery clanking]
[ panting, rapid footsteps]
OH, BOY, I REALLY BLEW IT.
THE GROMBLE'S GOING TO FRY ME
FOR SURE.
[ echoing clank]
[ mechanical squeaking]
BUT WHAT IF THE GROMBLE
PUTS ME IN THE TRASH COMPACTOR?
OH, SURE,
IT'S FUN THE FIRSTTIME.
Gromble:
OF ALL THE NAUSEATING,
PUKE-SPOUTING SLIME
TOE-JAM-EATING, FOUL-SMELLING
WORM-RIDDEN,
WART-COVERED, PUS-OOZING
PIMPLES ON THE BUTT OF CREATION
I'VE EVER SEEN
[ shouting]:
THIS CLASS IS THE GRUNGIEST!
[ sweetly]:
AND I'M DARN PROUD OF YOU!
[ quietly]:
WHERE'S ICKIS?
I REALLY
WOULDN'T KNOW.
BUT GOOD GROOMING ISN'T ENOUGH.
NO, NO, NO.
OUR JOB IS TO SCARE THE PANTS
OFF OF EVERYTHING THAT MOVES
AND THAT TAKES
GUTS.
[ belching]
I HATE I
WHEN HE DOES THAT.
[ rapid sniffing]
OOH, EXCUSE
ME, SIR.
MY NOSE IS RUNNING.
ENOUGH!
WHERE WAS I?
OH, YES, YES, YES.
UP TO NOW,
YOU COULD ONLY SCARE
PUPPIES AND BUNNIES.
BUT TONIGH
WAS YOUR FIRST REAL TEST--
TERRIFYING HUMANS!
ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION,
MISTER?!
Y-Y-YES, SIR,
I-I'M ALL EARS!
RIGHT!
LET'S SEE SOME DEMONSTRATION--
WHO'S FIRST? KRUMM!
THANKS, OH, GREA
GROMBLE, SIR.
[ metallic clanking]
[ zapping]
[ whirring]
[ mechanical creaking]
[ ocean waves breaking]
[ soft music playing]
Gromble:
SWEATY TEENAGERS-- GOOD CHOICE!
NOW LET'S NOTICE HOW KRUMM WAITS
UNTIL JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT
[ teens moaning softly]
[ kissing]
[ Krumm chuckling]
[ screaming]
[ class cheering]
[ door squeaking]
GOOD WORK, KRUMM!
THE OLD SMELLY
ARMPITS ATTACK.
AND I DON'T WEAR DEODORANT.
[ sniffing]
WE KNOW.
ALL RIGHT, WHICH ONE
OF YOU NOSE-PICKERS IS NEXT?
All:
ME! ME! ME! ME!
YOU!
UH, SURE, OH, WELL, I OH!
[ clanking]
[ zapping]
Gromble:
THE OLD "IT CAME
FROM UNDER THE BED" APPROACH.
NOT EXACTLY ORIGINAL
LET'S SEE
[ muttering]
AH! SCARY POSES!
AT LEAST YOU CHECKED THE MANUAL.
[ bed creaking]
HERE WE GO AGAIN.
UH-OH.
STOP.
[ screeching]
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT YOU DID?
COMPLETELY HUMILIATED MYSELF?
NO-O.
YOU LEFT YOUR
MONSTER MANUAL BEHIND!
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT WILL HAPPEN
IF YOU DO NOT GE
THAT MANUAL BACK?
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO TORTURE ME, ARE YOU?
[ laughing ]
OF COURSE NOT!
[ sighing]
THAT'S HIS JOB.
[ gasping]:
IT'S THE SNORCH.
[ growling]
I CAN'T GO BACK.
THAT KID,
HE'S GOING TO GET ME.
I GOT TO GET THAT BOOK.
BUT I CAN'T GET THE BOOK.
OF COURSE YOU CAN,
JUST GO GET THE BOOK.
I CAN'T FACE THE SNORCH!
YOU CAN FACE THE SNORCH
YOU'RE STRONG
I'M WORM FOOD.
WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP
SO THAT I CAN GET SOME SLEEP?
I WILL HELP YOU TOMORROW.
ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS
SCARE THE KID
GRAB THE MANUAL AND SPLIT.
HE'S JUS
A LITTLE BOY.
HOW HARD CAN IT POSSIBLY BE?
YOU CAN DO THIS.
DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DO.
OR THIS:
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA.
OR MAYBE THIS:
[ roaring]
[ teeth chattering]
WHY DON'T YOU
SCARE THE BOY
AND I'LL
TAKE NOTES.
AN EXCELLENT IDEA, ICKIS.
YOU WILL?
OH, THAT'S GREAT!
TERRIFIC!
MAGNI
UNFORTUNATELY
I HATE THAT WORD.
BUMMER.
IF THE GROMBLE FOUND OU
WE DID YOUR ASSIGNMEN
WE'D BE SNORCHED.
BUT WE WILL GO WITH YOU
AND SUPPORT YOU 100,000%
SWELL.
I KNOW A SHORTCUT.
[ blowing]
[ scratching]
HEE, HEE.
[ water dripping]
[ splashing]
[ echoing boom]
WHAT WAS THAT?
THE SOUNDS
OF THE SEWER.
BEAUTIFUL, HUH?
HURRY UP.
I DON'T RELISH
TRUDGING
AROUND HERE
MUCH LONGER.
LET ME SEE.
THAT'S NORTH.
WHICH MEANS THAT'S EAST.
WHICH MEANS
WE SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE BUS.
[ growling]
[ snarling]
GRUNGY?
KRUMMY!
[ sucking, squishing]
ICKIS AND OBLINA
MEET MY UNCLE GRUNGY.
OH, MY!
ANY FRIEND OF KRUMMY'S.
COME HERE.
O-OH, IT'S NO
NECESSARY, SIR.
[ squishing]
CHARMED, I'M SURE.
GRUNGY,
YOU KNOW THE SEWERS.
I CAN'T FIND
THE MAIN PIPE TO 76th STREET.
HOP IN THE SUB O-JOINT.
CRAWL THREE MAIN PIPES DOWN
THEN HANG A RIGHT.
THANKS.
BYE, KRUMMY.
TAKE IT SLEAZY.
[ sloshing]
I LOVE I
WHEN HE DOES THAT.
GIVE ME A HAND.
[ sighs]
LET'S GO.
I'VE REALLY MISSED THIS.
WHAT HAVE YOU MISSED?
THE COLD, THE DAMP,
OR THE FURRY LITTLE CREATURES
THAT CRAWL UP YOUR NOSE?
[ skittering]
NEVER MIND.
HEE, HEE.
[ flushing]
WHAT'S THAT NOISE?
SOUNDS LIKE WATER.
WE'VE GO
TO GET OUT OF HERE.
IT'S JUST WATER.
HEE, HEE.
AND SOME EXTRA GOODIES.
WH-WH-WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
THE BACKSTROKE.
KRUMM, YOU IMBECILE!
[ gushing]
I CAN'T SWIM!
OBLINA, CATCH.
WE'RE COMING AFTER YOU.
SURF'S UP.
HERE GOES NOTHING.
HELP, HELP!
HANG ON, OBLINA.
[ screaming]
[ laughing nervously]
[ karate cry]
[ chuckling]
THAT WAS A ROYAL FLUSH!
[ gurgling]
NEXT TIME,
I'LL TAKE THE BUS.
I love you! I love you!
I love you!
HEE, HEE, HEE.
HOW ADORABLE.
THIS IS GOING
TO BE EASY.
THAT BOOK IS MINE!
[ kids shouting]
TAKE THAT!
OH, I BE
THEY'RE LITTLE MONSTERS!
I CAN'T DO IT, GUYS, I CAN'T.
PLEASE, LET'S GO HOME.
WELL, IT'S THEM OR
THE SNORCH.
[ rapid firing]
[ alarm ringing]
[ clattering]
[ shouting, laughing]
[ bump]
[ kids talking, laughing]
HEY, BRAD,
WHAT'S THIS PIECE OF CRUD?
PROBABLY MY SISTER'S.
[ sniffing]
SURE STINKS.
[ pops]
OOH! AAH! AAH!
[ mimicking toy]:
I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU!
[ kids shouting]
[ chuckling]
[ thudding]
[ shouting, banging]
[ groaning]
[ clicking]
OH!
WHA!
WHA!
OOH!
HEY!
LET'S THROW THEM
OUT THE WINDOW
AND SEE IF
THEY BOUNCE.
[ hissing]
[ shouting]:
NO!
[ roaring]
[ roaring]
[ operatic singing]:
R-r-ahh!
[ menacing growl]
HELP! HELP!
YOU WERE
AWESOME, ICKIS.
YOU REALLY SAVED OUR BUTTS.
ESPECIALLY MINE.
[ sniffing]
MMM.
I MUST ADMI
YOU WERE VERY IMPRESSIVE.
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU COULD BE SUCH
A MONSTROUS MONSTER.
[ voice cracking]:
NEITHER DID I.
WHEN I SAW YOU GUYS
IN DANGER
MY INSTINCTS JUST KICKED IN.
TRY TO HOLD ON
TO THE MANUAL
IN THE FUTURE.
I'M NOT LETTING I
OUT OF MY SIGHT.
IN FACT, I'M GOING TO READ
A CHAPTER OR TWO RIGHT NOW.
ARF, ARF, ARF
HUH?
"SERGEANT MIKE POLICE DOG"?
OH, GUYS, WE GO
THE WRONG BOOK!
[ popping]
[ echoing scream]
[ flapping]
[ manic laughter]
[ clock chiming]
[ moaning]
[ thunderclap]
HE WON'T GO BACK
IN HIS ROOM.
IT'S THOSE DARN
MONSTER COMICS.
[ howling]
[ meowing]
[ pages turning]
DON'T WORRY,
ICKIS
WE'LL GET YOUR MANUAL BACK
RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.
HEY, ICKIS
YOU GOT YOUR MANUAL?
WAS THERE
EVER ANY DOUBT?
SEE YOU IN CLASS
SLIMEBUCKET.
I'M NOT GOING.
DON'T BE SILLY.
IF YOU CUT THE GROMBLE'S CLASS
HE'LL SEND YOU TO BE SNORCHED.
IF I GO, HE'LL FIND OU
I DON'T HAVE MY MANUAL
AND HAVE ME SNORCHED.
SNORCHED IF YOU DO
AND SNORCHED
IF YOU DON'T.
ARE YOU THROUGH USING ME?
YEAH.
THEN MOVE ON.
YOUR STENCH
IS MAKING ME FEEL FAINT.
THANKS.
GEE, ICKIS
I HOPE YOU GO
YOUR MANUAL.
[ snickering]
I'VE GOT IT, FRUNK.
STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME.
YOU'RE OOZING, YOU KNOW.
WHAT AM I?
THE AFTERNOON
ENTERTAINMENT AROUND HERE?
IF I GET ASKED
ABOUT THAT MANUAL
ONE MORE TIME
DO YOU HAVE
YOUR MANUAL?
NO, I DON'T!
BUT I DO
HAVE THIS!
GO AHEAD, ASK ME AGAIN.
MAKE MY CENTURY!
MY, MY,
A BIT TOUCHY, AREN'T WE?
THAT IS NO WAY
TO TREAT YOUR LOCKER.
HE'S JUST DOING HIS JOB.
HM, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I APOLOGIZE, LOCKER.
AH, FORGET IT.
I'VE BEEN UNDER
A LOT OF PRESSURE.
I DON'T HAVE MY MANUAL
FOR GROMBLE'S
BIG DEAL!
HE WON'T BE THERE.
HE'S SICK.
HE IS?
YES-S!
I, OH, I MEAN
OH, GEE, I, I HOPE HE'S OKAY.
[ gigantic belch]
OOPS!
THAT'S THE BELCH FOR CLASS.
COME ON, GUYS.
I DIDN'T KNOW
THE GROMBLE WAS SICK.
HE ISN'T.
SOMEONE'S GOT TO TEACH
THAT KID SOME RESPECT.
[ both laughing]
Slimebucket:
YOU SURE YOU GOT THE MANUAL?
OH, SURE.
NO, I DON'T.
THE GROMBLE'S JUS
GOING TO HAVE TO WAIT.
I AM A VERY BUSY MONSTER.
YOU'RE NOT AFRAID
OF BEING SNORCHED.
ME? HA! HA-HA!
I LAUGH AT THE SNORCH.
I LAUGH AT THE GROMBLE.
IN FACT, SOMETIMES,
I JUST LAUGH.
[ laughing]
HOW COME YOU
STOPPED LAUGHING?
GOOD AFTERNOON, CLASS.
BUT, UM, UM,
MY LOCKER SAID THAT
TIME TO CHANGE
YOUR LOCKER, ICKIS.
WELL, YOU ALL LOOK
PARTICULARLY UGLY TODAY.
THANK YOU,
YOUR MAGNIFICENCE.
ACTUALLY, I'M FEELING
A BIT BLUE, MYSELF.
HOW ABOUT CHEERING UP
YOUR OLD TEACHER
WITH A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED HOWL?
NOW!
[ howling]
[ howling]
AHH!
THE PUREST HOWL COMES
FROM THE INSIDE OUT.
[ louder howling]
AAH! MUCH BETTER!
OKAY, COMING
TO A CONCLUSION
CRESCENDO!
[ loud howling stops]
BEAUTIFUL,
MY MALEVOLENT WONDERS.
YOU'VE REALLY CHEERED ME UP.
AS A REWARD
I'M TAKING YOU
ON A CLASS TRIP
TO THE SLIME PITS
FOR A FUN AFTERNOON
OF SLURPING AND BURPING.
Together:
YEAH!
WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE
YOU LUCKED OUT, ICKIS.
YES-S!
BUT FIRST
WHERE'S YOUR MANUAL?
UM, MIGHT I SAY, SIR
THAT THE BOILS ON YOUR BACK
ARE A STUNNING CORPULENCE.
TH-THEY'RE REALLY
QUITE FETCHING.
EXCELLENT JOB
OF SUCKING UP, ICKIS.
WHERE'S YOUR MANUAL?
[ screaming]
WHAT?
I, I DIDN'T GE
MY MANUAL BACK.
NOW, DON'T BE SO
HARD ON YOURSELF.
ALL YOU NEED TO SET YOU
ON THE RIGHT PATH IS
A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED
MONSTER-TO-MONSTER TALK.
SLIMEBUCKET!
YES, YOUR
GROMBLE, SIR?
ESCORT ICKIS DOWN TO SNORCH
AND TELL HIM, "LIGHT SCOLDING."
OH, WHAT THE HEY!
THROW IN
A "COMPLETE MASHING," TOO.
[ gasps]
ICKIS, WE'VE
NEVER BEEN THAT CLOSE
BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPENS
CAN I HAVE
YOUR HAIRBALL COLLECTION?
I'LL TAKE THA
AS A "MAYBE."
YOU AN I
ARE ABOUT TO SHARE
A VERY PERSONAL
EXPERIENCE.
HERE.
BEGINNING TO FEEL
THE CLOSENESS?
I AM.
NUMBER 13.
[ Snorch growling]
IT'S SUCH A MANGY, SNORCHY
TEASE.
IT'S OUR OLD PAL
AND COMRADE IN ARMS
ICKIS.
[ squeaking]:
HI GUYS!
[ high pitched]:
HEE, HEE, HEE.
[ low pitched]:
HEE, HEE, HEE.
61. HA-HA-HA!
WELL,
AT LEAST TIME'S ON MY SIDE.
OH, WHOOPS!
SORRY.
[ gasps]
Krumm:
WE'RE MISSING THE SLIME PITS.
ICKIS OWES ME BIG TIME.
WE'RE GOING TO FIND THE MANUAL
AND GET HIM OUT OF THIS MESS.
NOW
ISN'T THAT MUCH BETTER
THAN TRAVELING BY SEWER, HM?
WAIT.
I'LL SEE IF THE COAST IS CLEAR.
SO, IT'S TOO HOT IN 10-B.
LET'S SEE IF YOU CHEAPSKATES
STIFF ME AGAIN NEXT CHRISTMAS.
[ evil laughter]
[ evil laughter]
[ coughing]
THIS IS IT.
[ thud]
KRUMM
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
[ chomping]
I'VE HAD BETTER KNOBS.
Dad:
ENOUGH TV, BRADLEY.
GO UPSTAIRS
AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
I'M NEVER GOING
IN THAT ROOM AGAIN.
IT'S TIME YOU GO
OVER THAT, KIDDO.
COME ON, SON.
IT'S TIME TO
FACE YOUR FEAR
AND LAUGH.
I DON'
THINK SO, DAD.
DON'T WORRY.
THERE'S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF.
YOU SEE?
THERE ARE
NO MONSTERS IN HERE.
UNLESS ONE
OF YOUR STUFFED ANIMALS
COMES TO LIFE.
COME ON, KIDDO.
YOU'VE GO
HOMEWORK TO DO.
[ growling]
[ meowing]
WHAT'S THE MATTER, BOOTS?
[ grunts]
[ screams]
DADDY!
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
GREAT TECHNIQUE.
THANKS.
IT GETS BORING DOWN HERE.
THIS HELPS
PASS THE TIME.
OH, YOU, YOU'RE NO
CONCERNED ABOUT SNORCH?
THAT WIMP!
I'LL SHOW HIM
A THING OR TWO.
NEXT.
SEE YOU 'ROUND, GUYS.
NO, NOT THAT.
NO, PLEASE,
ANYTHING BUT THAT.
[ screaming]:
NO-O!
Krumm:
THERE IT IS.
BE CAREFUL.
HUMANS!
I GOT IT, I GOT IT.
[ horn blasts]
I DON'T GOT IT.
THIS IS GOING
TO BE A LONG DAY.
[ brakes screeching]
[ grunting]
[ shouting]
[ water gushing]
[ bubbling]
[ gurgling]
KRUMM,
SPEAK TO ME.
UH WHAT'S THA
TERRIBLE SMELL?
IT'S ME!
I'M CLEAN.
LOOK.
YOUR TURN.
[ tires screeching]
Guard monster:
WE'RE RUNNING LATE.
SO MANY VICTIMS.
SO LITTLE TIME.
UM, PARDON ME,
IN THE INTERESTS OF SPEED
AND THE OVERALL GOOD
I AM WILLING TO FORFEIT MY TURN
AND THEN RETURN AT A LATER DATE.
HOW'S NEXT CENTURY?
[ laughing]
GOOD IDEA.
FORGET IT.
NUMBERS 17 THROUGH 21,
LINE UP AND BE READY.
NOW.
UH, SORRY, SORRY.
YOU FIRST.
NO, NO, YOU GO AHEAD.
NO, NO, REALLY,
AFTER YOU PLEASE.
OH, I COULDN'T, COULDN'T.
YOU BE MY GUEST, HUH?
NO BACKSIES.
[ blowing raspberries]
[ sniffing]
AH, OLD SARDINES.
IT IS SO DARK
I CAN'T FIND THAT SILLY MANUAL.
RELAX.
ENJOY THE MOMENT.
[ clattering]
[ mechanical racket]
CAN WE DO THIS AGAIN
ON MY BIRTHDAY?
COME ON
WE HAVE WORK TO DO.
OOH!
[ groaning]
OH, KRUMM
LOOK.
[ panting, gasping]
[ gasping]
[ groaning]
[ screams]
[ crackling]
[ factory whistle blows]
[ Krumm shouting]
VERY ATTRACTIVE.
LET'S GO HOME.
NUMBER OOH!
19.
[ screaming]
HAVE MERCY, SNORCH.
MERCY!
ZIMBO
I'LL GIVE SNORCH
MY SLUGS, ANYTHING.
WHY WASTE HIS ENERGY
ON A WORTHLESS MONSTER LIKE ME?
HEE-EE-EE.
[ growling]
[ roaring]
NO THRASHING
IN THE HALLWAYS.
THOSE ARE THE RULES.
KRUMM!
OBLINA!
HELP!
RELAX, ICKIS.
WE HAVE YOUR MANUAL.
DID YOU HEAR
THOSE BEAUTIFUL WORDS?
"WE HAVE YOUR MANUAL."
"WE HAVE YOUR MANUAL."
YA-DA-DA DA DUT-DUT DA!
"WE HAVE YOUR MANUAL."
WE HAVE YOUR MANUAL!
Zimbo:
AS IF WE CARE.
THIS MAKES HARDLY A DEN
IN OUR CONSCIOUSNESS.
HE IS OURS, IS HE NO
YOUR GREAT EXTRAORDINARY,
MARVELOUS GROMBELNESS?
WITH ALL
DUE RESPECT, SIR
KRUMM AND I WENT TO A
GREAT DEAL OF TROUBLE
TO RETRIEVE
ICKIS' MANUAL.
YOU'RE
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
YOU DID GO
TO A LOT OF TROUBLE.
IN FACT, YOU DID
SO MUCH MORE.
YOU DID
ANOTHER STUDENT'S ASSIGNMENT!
[ teeth chattering]
WELCOME
TO SNORCH'S CHAMBER
A FESTIVAL
OF ARCANE AMUSEMENTS.
KEEP YOUR ARMS
AND HANDS AND EYES
INSIDE OF THE CHAMBER
AT ALL TIMES.
WE HOPE YOU HAVE
A COMPLETELY
MISERABLE STAY HERE.
AND PLEASE, TELL YOUR FRIENDS.
NOT THE HORNS.
THAT MEANS ONLY ONE THING.
HE'S GOING TO
SING SOPRANO.
[ guttural bellowing]
AH, SWEET MISERY OF LIFE [ guttural bellowing]
SURROUND
[ guttural bellowing]
YOU
[ screaming]
[ Snorch bellowing,
Zimbo singing off-key]
[ screaming,
bellowing, singing]
NO MORE, NO MORE!
ENCORE?
DID YOU SAY "ENCORE"?
[ Snorch bellowing,
Zimbo singing off-key]
AH, SWEET MISERY OF LIFE
SURROUNDS YOU ♪
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
Zimbo:
THEY LOVED THIS
IN MY MUSIC CLASS.
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]
[ bellowing, singing]
Krumm:
NO MORE, NO MORE!
Zimbo:
ENCORE?
DID YOU SAY "ENCORE"?
I HAVE ALL MY MUSIC WITH ME.
Monsters:
YOWL!
Zimbo:
HEE, HEE, HEE.