Abbott Elementary (2021) s01e02 Episode Script

1 - Ten seconds! - Ooh.
Alright.
Ooh.
Ah.
Oh, we love "Action News".
We get in early just to watch it.
It just calms you down after wanting to take a wrench to someone's side mirror in traffic.
But the Philadelphia region continues to suffer temperatures in the mid-90s with the heat index approaching 100 Now, I'm a proud, married, Christian woman, and I love my husband.
But there's something about that Jim Gardner.
That non-regional diction.
We haven't seen anything like this It is so important to support and acknowledge local journalism, okay? There's no agenda here.
This is This is on the ground, in the streets, powerful stuff.
Wouldn't want to see that dog in traffic.
Yes, Jim.
I like the news, because that's when I can say whatever I want and nobody asks any questions.
Taking a personal day.
Going fishing with my friends.
Anyways, toilet paper's in the closet.
I saw Jim Gardner once, at the Chipotle.
Ooh, he ordered a bowl so handsomely.
I be in and out of town with my bros Still wylin' on these hoes They the cons, we the pros - Tariq, oh, my God.
That's - That's it.
That's a little sample.
That is so good.
And you recorded that last night? Yeah, yeah.
Did it in like 15 minutes.
- It's nothing.
Yeah.
Super fast.
- Wow.
Tariq is my boyfriend of over 10 years, and he's been a music artist since we were in high school.
Clearly, he's very, very good.
Um, all of his TikToks go viral, which nowadays, is the true mark of a great musician.
I'll be home kinda late tonight 'cause I got a show.
I sold out the King's Lounge.
- Stop.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my goodness! - Yeah.
- I'm so proud of you! - Thank you.
- Maybe I could come.
- Oh, no, no, no.
You can't come, 'cause they got a strict capacity thing.
And it's 15 people.
So if you come, then it's 16, and then it's a fire hazard, and then they shut it down.
But look.
You wanna do dinner tonight? I'll be home around 10.
I'll bring you Bahama Breeze.
- That is my favorite.
- I know.
I know.
- That's my favorite! Okay.
- I know.
Yeah.
- Alright.
Alright.
- Alright, baby.
Ooh, you got that seat far up! - You know I'm short.
- Damn.
Okay.
Ahh.
Alright, baby, I gotta get goin'.
I'm hungry as hell, and although it is that hunger that keeps me going, I gotta eat something.
Okay.
Well, why don't you just take my breakfast sandwich? - Huh? - Yeah.
I'll get something at school.
- Are you sure, baby? - Yeah.
I'll get something in there.
- Oh, thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Yeah.
Um, look, we didn't get to discuss this last night because you were making the hits, but our rent is going up, so we need to redo the budget.
- Mm-hmm.
- I left that, uh, bill-organizer thing on the fridge.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I'll get to it.
- Okay.
Yeah, but, no, I was just thinking, like, you'd get to it kind of soon because my name's on the lease and we were already late on rent once.
Oh, I got you, baby.
Can we talk about it later, though? It's not even 8:00 in the morning, and you know I don't even wake up till, like, noon o'clock in the morning.
Yeah.
Could you just look at it, though, you think? I'll get to it.
I promise, baby.
- Okay.
- Okay? - Alright.
I love you.
- Love you, too.
- Thanks for the sandwich.
- You're welcome.
Mmm.
Melina, what's wrong? I don't want to walk down the hallway, Ms.
Janine.
It's scary.
I don't want to go to school.
What Hey, Mr.
Johnson.
These lights have been going on and off for weeks.
Are you gonna do anything about them? The kids don't even wanna walk in.
Above my pay grade, Janine.
I make most electrical things work with a makeshift system I've had since '92.
For this, we gotta wait on an electrician.
- But - Goin' fishin'.
I'll get to it.
Don't worry, Melina.
I actually am going to get to it, unlike janitors and boyfriends.
Huh? Just Come on.
Whose branzino is this? That is a very powerfully smelling fish - to put in a shared fridge.
- Don't touch it.
I'm making it tonight at my cousin Annette's.
She thinks she's the best cook in the family.
I'm gonna show her in a nonthreatening way.
I'm-a look cuter than her, too.
Guys, the lights in the back hallway have been out for weeks.
- Thank you for the update.
- What are you wearing? And we need to do something about it.
Okay? Uh, uh, Melina, from your class Yeah, she was afraid to come to school this morning.
Said it looked like "The Shining," and I don't even get how she knows that reference.
- She loves "The Shining.
" - It's a classic movie.
This isn't okay, alright? And I already talked to Mr.
Johnson, and he said there isn't anything he can do.
What do you want us to do about it? It can't be hard.
It's just screwing in a few new bulbs.
Janine, just worry about what can be controlled.
Exactly.
All we can do on a hot day like this is our own jobs, anyway.
I know that's right! Why is it February and hotter than the devil's booty-hole outside? Climate change.
We are living in the middle of its disastrous effects.
The permafrost in Russia Nerd.
Ava, can someone from the city come and check on the back-hallway lights? Girl, no.
Do I look like the Kool-Aid Man? I don't have enough juice to manipulate the inner workings of city hall.
They'll probably come in the summer.
- In the summer? - Tough break.
Want some egg-white bites? No.
I don't have time to eat.
They're just egg-white bites.
You microwave them.
See, I just can't accept this.
You know, they didn't see those kids' faces.
It was like they walked into The Haunted Mansion at Disney, which is a very scary ride, by the way.
I don't care what people say.
Okay, so, we went over the days of the week.
Now we Alright, baby, sit down.
Um it's 9:00.
Word.
Uh, school starts earlier than that.
Look, I know you're just a sub, but these kids need to be in their seats by 8:00.
- It's a school requirement.
- Understood.
Sixth time in two weeks that kid's been late.
Seems like a drop in a bucket, but then that bucket overflows and everything gets sticky.
We don't want to get sticky, do we? Y'all are getting this, right?! Oh, um, hey, Mrs.
Howard, can I get some advice? I was gonna ask Janine, but she seems busy.
- Oh, sure.
Come on in.
- Thanks.
- Okay.
- Have a seat.
Mm-hmm.
Y-Yeah.
Yeah.
So, one of my students has been coming in late 9:00, to be exact For the last week or so.
Did you talk to the parent? No.
No.
I'm a sub.
I don't want to be mixing it up with parents.
It's unnecessary.
Sweetheart, this isn't happy hour.
You are the child's teacher.
- Which child is it? - Uh, Williams.
Um, Joel Williams.
Okay.
I know that family.
Oh, listen, I've got to go pick my kids up from the gym, so why don't you meet me during my free time, which is my nail appointment during lunch.
Um, I was gonna eat in my car.
I brought a sandwich from home.
Okay.
Then bring your little Nissan sandwich with you.
The more senior teachers are just used to giving in, but I, however, am young, sprightly, and know where they keep the ladder.
Forgot I was afraid of ladders.
That was just my stomach.
Okay.
Oh.
Oh, look at this.
It was just a loose wire.
Ooh! Oh, God.
Can someone please help me down? And why would we do that, since you clearly caused this situation? Okay.
I didn't know doing this would cause all the power to go out.
Well, the power is not all out.
It's on in some places and off in others.
- It's off in my room.
- On in the gym.
Yeah, it's off in my room.
Thank God we got the A/C, or we'd all be meltin' already.
Okay, best thing to do in these situations is just stay calm and Okay! This is it, y'all! The end times! It's three months early, but it's happening! Aah! Don't shake the ladder! Gregory is the only person that can stay in my bunker, so stop asking.
Hell yeah, I'm a doomsday prepper.
Why wouldn't I be? I don't know why more people aren't.
Have you seen "Train to Busan"? With the fast-ass zombies? That day is coming.
That day soon come.
Ava, it is just a partial power outage.
Alright.
Listen up, everybody - Listen to Barbara, y'all! - Are you kidding me? This is what we're gonna do Everybody without power, please, head to the gym.
- Head.
- We will conduct classes there until this is all fixed.
It is not ideal, but it will work.
You heard her.
Let's go.
Guys Guys, I-I just want to say, I-I'm sorry, everybody.
I just thought if I could get up here and get this done, then we wouldn't have to wait and And look where it landed us, baby girl.
Yeah, how'd that work out for you? Everybody, please, head to the gym.
We've got bigger fish to fry now.
Oh, Jesus! My branzino! Everybody out of the way! Out of the way! If someone could please help me? I feel like I'm one wobble away from death.
A-Alright.
Okay.
I got you.
- Okay.
Hi.
Thank you.
- We good.
Give me your hand.
Take your time.
- Okay.
- Whenever you're ready.
- Okay.
Am I doing it? - No.
- Let's go to a count of three.
- Okay.
One, two three.
One more time.
And it's pointing to the number - Right here.
Thank you.
- Four! This is all my fault.
Yeah, you probably shouldn't have tried to do the job of a newly graduated DeVry student, but this is okay.
I made this mess, and I need to fix this.
Okay, but fix this how? It seems very outside of your skill set.
You should probably just wait for somebody to get to it I don't want to wait for someone to get to it.
You know, our children have needs that deserve to be met.
And I'm going to fix this.
Nothing is going to get in my way.
What if you have to climb another ladder? Those seem very tricky for you.
No.
Not today.
Aren't you going to lunch, Janine? Uh, no.
I'm gonna stay and help the lunch ladies with lunch.
The lunch ladies don't like you.
She always coming in the kitchen saying "hello" and whatnot.
It's unsanitary.
Is that what you're really doing? Yes! And maybe trying to get the lights back on.
Would you give that a rest? What do you want? To make the whole school blow up? No.
Plus, I can't.
Luckily, the school was built as a bomb shelter in World War II, so Let it go.
Okay.
I will.
You're not gonna let it go, are you? No, I'm not gonna let it go, Jacob, okay? I need to right my wrong.
Okay.
Well, count me out.
I never counted you in.
Well, then count me in, because I don't have any lunch plans.
Okay.
Come on.
Okay.
Hi.
Can I help you? Oh, I'm just here to talk to her.
You need your nails done to sit.
What color are you doing? Um clear? No loitering and no clear.
Okay.
Blue.
On one nail.
Thank you.
Can we talk now, please? We could, but there isn't much more to say other than you need to talk to the parent.
Look, I understand.
There just has to be another way to do this other than awkwardly talking to the parent first thing in the morning.
Well, try it this way You could talk to your student's parent right now.
Hold on.
Now, did you call her? I did not.
But when you said it was Joel, I remembered that his mother comes here every two weeks to get her nails done just like I do.
- Hey, Mrs.
Howard.
- Hello, Amber.
Aren't you my son's teacher? Yes.
Getting your nails done? Word.
Well, you've seen all the properties.
Are you going to flip it or ship it? This is just like the one in my apartment.
This is gonna be easy.
Me and Tariq have to go in that thing like three times a month.
Maybe you should move.
Yeah.
Tariq says he is "practicing" his credit score.
Apparently, 380 isn't a good Unh.
Oh, no.
"Don't touch.
Not even a little bit.
" Uh, okay.
What's that say? "End of the Road"? "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye"? What? "Motownphi" These are Boyz II Men songs.
Why? It's ironic, 'cause I'm On Bended Knee.
Heh.
Okay.
Oh, God.
Why is that one hot? Uh Mm, try this one.
We're going to N-o-o-o-o! Can you give me something bold? Something that starts a conversation.
So, Amber Nice to meet you.
Yeah, we met already, but nice to meet you, too.
So, um, your son, Joel You've been, um, bringing him to school at 9:00.
School starts at 8:00.
Is there a reason for this? Well, nosy, I start my shift at my job at 9:30, so it's easy for me to drop him off before that and go straight to work instead of going home or whatever.
Right, right.
Can I get some rhinestones that say, "I'm not afraid of awkward interactions"? Literally or metaphorically? 'Cause I can do that design.
It'll just be $50 extra.
Fifty Well, I hear what you're saying, um, Amber.
Y-Your son needs to be at school at 8:00.
He's missing a lot of vital learning.
Word? I thought y'all just be playing with blocks and stuff.
No.
This isn't daycare.
By the time he comes in, we're already working on primary reading and math.
He's always struggling to keep up.
Oh.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, I would hate for him to fall behind and have to retake the grade.
I don't want that, but that's as much up to you as it is up to me.
I get you.
I don't want him to fall behind.
He's a smart kid.
Very.
Okay.
I'll bring him at 8:00 from now on.
It's kinda nice.
Word.
- Ooh.
- What in the What's going on? - What in the world? - It's so hot! I'm gonna frizz! Janine, what did you do?! Lookin' like who shot John.
Barbara, look, I know you told me to let it go, but I couldn't.
Jacob helped me open the breaker.
It was a chance to support a strong Black woman.
The breaker?! Janine! You can't do this stuff! What had you come to work today and lose your mind? Look, I I just have - Oh.
Ooh.
Okay.
- I feel lightheaded.
- Are you okay? - Did you eat today? Because I know you didn't have lunch.
And you didn't have any breakfast.
Okay.
We're losing her.
Do I have your consent to slap you? - Oh! - There she goes.
She's out.
- Um - Y'all feel this heat? Oh, my God! She pale like a zombie! You know, they eat the hottest people first.
Let me back my tasty ass up.
Okay, I'm gonna get some water out of the fridge.
Uh, hopefully it's still cold! Oh, my God! My branzino! Barb, excuse me! I'll be back! She'll be okay! Where's my class? Is Is everyone okay? Obviously, everyone's not okay.
You're in the nurse's office.
But everybody else is fine.
They are so happy.
He's climbing again.
Oh, look who's back in the land of the living.
Who opened the fire hydrant? Well, as Melissa would say, snitches get stitches.
That is correct, but I am not talking to you on account of you killing my branzino.
Ooh.
What's going on here? So that's it, huh? I, uh, gave it my all, passed out, and ruined the school day? Oh, you tanked.
You tanked, Janine.
You took the whole school down with you.
It was impressive.
Look.
I know.
I should've stopped.
I'm sorry.
I just felt so bad when I saw that look on Melina's face this morning.
You don't think it kills us to see those faces in the morning? What, are we made of stone? You're not the first person to feel things, kid.
We care.
How do you and Barbara stop yourselves from caring too much, if that's a thing? Because it's the opposite.
We care so much, we refuse to burn out.
If we burn out, who's here for these kids? That's why you gotta take care of yourself.
What is with you today, anyway? You You're normally bananas, but I don't know.
Just some stuff at home, I think.
Oh.
Okay.
See, that's the other thing me and Barbara learned.
All that at-home stuff You gotta Leave it right at that door.
Otherwise, you open up a whole nother Panera's box of problems.
I think you mean Pandora's box.
No, I'm pretty sure it's Panera's box.
Thank you for your help earlier, Mrs.
Howard.
I feel like a better communicator.
Mm.
Well, if you're gonna keep doing this job, awkward interactions come with it, so you've got to learn how to say what you need to get what you want.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, Jaden, don't drink that.
- Mnh-mnh.
- Don't drink that.
No.
Hey, I'm not here right now.
Leave a message after the beat.
This Tariq Hey, Tariq.
Um, listen.
You need to look at the budget tonight.
No more waiting.
No more practicing.
Tonight.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Have you eaten? Oh.
No.
The, um, lunch lady gave me that can of peaches, but no can opener, so, no.
Alright, well, you wanna go get something to eat? With me? Oh.
I was gonna wait for my boyfriend to finish his show to eat but no.
I'm hungry now, so I should eat now, right? That's typically how hunger works, yeah.
Right! Normal people eat at normal times.
Like 4:00.
Yeah.
All true.
So let's go eat.
Let's.
Okay.
Oh.
This is crooked.
Oh, my God.
Please.
I'll get to it tomorrow.
No.
I got it.
There.
- Oh, hey, guys! What's up? - Hey.
We're just going to get something to eat.
- Oh.
Great.
I'll join.
- Oh.
After-school crew! Ooh.
"After-school crew.
" I like that.
You touched the lights, didn't you, Janine? Yes.
Good thing I got me a system.
I'll make love to you Like you want me to And I'll hold you tight Baby, all through the night Here he is.
Five minutes early.
Now I have to find something to do before my shift starts.
Maybe I can get through half a movie.
Well, I'm happy he's here.
Thank you.
Thank you, actually.
It's nice to know he has a teacher who cares.
Just doing my job.
Well, you're doing it well.
Mm! You sure follow orders.
Just doing my job.
"Well, you doing it well.
" Thank you.