Adventure Time: Fionna & Cake (2023) s01e02 Episode Script
Simon Petrikov
1
Aah!
Come on.
Wow. This is one of
the nicest sewers we've been in.
It's stinky.
No, darlin'.
That's me.
Simon!
Aww.
Not to worry.
Guess who always carries
around a sewing kit?
Simon, what would I do
without you?
Oh, you'd be just fine,
I promise.
Better than fine.
You're so great, Marceline.
Someone else would definitely
find you and take care of you.
Maybe even someone rich.
Yeah, you'd be living
in a castle
with food and medicine and--
and trained squirrels
to tend to your every need.
As for me, I'd, uh
I don't know. Oh.
Where everybody
knows your name ♪
And they're always glad
you came ♪
Ah
You want to be
where you can see ♪
Our troubles
are all the same ♪
You want to be where everybody
knows your name ♪
You want to go
where people know ♪
People are all the same ♪
You want to go where
everybody knows your name ♪
Ah, is that
supposed to happen?
Ah!
Is the burning of the pants
a 20th-century ritual?
I liked the cave folks
in there.
Yeah, the cave folks
were great.
Greetings, visitors.
My name is Simon Petrikov,
and I'm an antiquarian
living in the 20th century.
Burning pants is a daily ritual
observed by everyone in my time.
Now, I'd be happy to answer any
other questions you might have.
Mm!
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm!
Anyone?
Yeah,
I got a question.
Down here.
What's that?
Great question.
By the way,
did you know that in the 20th
century, you dogs couldn't talk?
Answer the question!
Oh.
Uh, it's a phone.
What's that above it?
Also a phone.
It's shaped like a football,
but it's a phone.
Is this also a phone?
It's a blow dryer.
Why isn't it
a phone?
Next question.
What's it like
to have ice powers?
Uh, it's great.
Our 20th-century refrigerators
had freezer compartments,
many of which
made their own ice.
Why did you stop writing
Fionna and Cake stories?
Look,
I told you yesterday
and the day
before that--
I didn't write those.
Ice King wrote those.
But if
you're interested
in reading something
actually good,
I wrote a book
about ancient artifacts.
He used to be
a really cool ice wizard
who wrote
my favorite book series,
but then his girlfriend
or fiancée or something
did something bonkers
and turned him
into a boring sad guy.
Ha!
Uh.
Can you at least
sign my book?
Aw. Oh, jeez.
What's under here?
Huh?
No! That's private!
Hey! Let go!
Uh, sorry, doggy.
Sorry.
Sorry, everybody.
The exhibit
is closing early today.
Uh
Sorry. Uh
Uh
Please leave!
What's this room for?
Walls down!
People in the 20th century
were real tranches.
Hey there,
Mr. Petrikov.
What can I get started
for you?
Just the usual.
Wait, extra olives
and cocktail onions.
No ice!
Just-- Just no more ice, ever.
Okay?
All right. Straight up.
You got it.
Olives.
Onions.
Thanks,
Dirt Beer Guy.
Shall I put it
on your tab?
Yeah.
Actually, I think
I'll close it out.
What's up?
You seem a little tense.
No, everything's fine.
Same old, same old.
Huh.
That's really something.
So
about the latest "Joe Milkshake"
manuscript I gave you.
Did you get a chance
to look it over?
Oh, uh, no pressure
or anything.
But your old stuff,
Fionna and Cake,
I mean, honest to Glob, man,
it is
such an inspiration to me.
My old stuff.
I don't really want
to talk about my old stuff.
Why not?
You should be proud.
You wrote
an entire extended universe--
in a fugue state,
if you think about it.
You know, Simon,
I used to bust your balls
about those old stories,
but I really
came around to them.
Oh, Finn.
You too?
Yeah.
Jake loved them.
Yeah, he's the one
who convinced us they were good.
Honestly, I like them better
than Finn and Dad.
No, no, no.
I'm serious.
I don't want to
talk about them.
I'm not proud of them.
No more Fionna and Cake.
Dude, what's wrong?
I'm not Ice King.
I'm not magic.
I can't relate
to Fionna and Cake anymore.
I can't relate
to any of this anymore--
this world, these people.
But there's more humans
than ever now.
Not just your boy
Finn the H.
Heh, sure.
Cool, funky future humans.
I might as well be a dinosaur
to you all.
I'm sorry, Simon.
Sometimes I used to dress up
like Ice King
after I became me again.
I guess I missed being him,
in a way.
Things felt simpler back then. I
I was too out of it
to understand
how screwed up
my life was.
Ah, but even that
stopped working after a while.
Have you talked to Marcy
about any of this?
Nah. I-I didn't want to
freak her out.
Well, hey,
there's always tomorrow, right?
You don't understand.
It's all the same for me.
Every day is just
an unending slog towards
towards what?
A quest!
Friend,
I'm taking you on a quest!
That's just the thing
to make you feel better!
That sounds hazardous.
Yes! Exactly!
Once I take you
to the edge of death,
you'll feel alive again!
Come on, TV.
It's questin' time!
Okay. Coming.
F-Finn,
are you sure about--
Aaaaaaaaaah!
Whoa-oa!
Hmm. Maybe we can
take it down a notch.
Uh!
Finn, is this blindfold
really necessary?
Totally necessary, man.
Onward!
Oh!
What the
Why didn't you
tell me about the tree?
What tree?
Finn!
I thought you were leading.
Come on!
Trust in fate.
The invisible forces
of the universe
will guide us right
where we need to be.
Huh?
You know where we are?
We're in the most
ancient part of Ooo.
Huntress Wizard calls it
the heart of the forest.
The heart, huh?
Yeah.
She said no one should ever,
ever, ever come here.
Well, let's set up camp.
Why don't you catch us a fish
from that creek we passed?
Yeah, okay.
Ohh.
Huh?
Aah!
Uhh!
Oh!
Don't eat me!
La la la la la!
Third nostril.
Good job, bait.
Feel better yet?
Huh?
There was a little guy
in there.
Thank you for your sacrifice,
O majestic one.
The little guy
and a third nostril.
Mmm-mmm!
Simon, we have like
a ton of mudskipper here.
You're just
gonna eat an egg?
Hmm?
Oh, I'm not
going to eat it.
It's for the coffee.
It's a little trick
I learned
to help the grounds settle
and clarify the brew.
Or you can just use
cold water, too.
It's a secret
to cowboy coffee.
Neat!
Where'd you pick that up?
It might
surprise you to learn
I used to be quite
the outdoorsman in my day.
Mmm!
So that's what cowboy
tastes like.
Huh.
This place reminds me
of a forest
I camped out in once
years ago.
We were
on an expedition in Java,
searching for a lost temple,
when we were caught
in a freak rainstorm.
Rainstorm?
Huh.
Half our supplies washed away.
Ah, but Betty somehow put
together a four-star dinner.
Betty.
Hey, now.
Talking about sad stuff
gets you nowhere.
Forget about it.
Uh
Uh.
Hey! The fire's
getting awful low.
Why don't you gather us
some more firewood?
Firewood.
Sure.
Yeah, Finn. Just keep him busy,
and everything will be fine.
Mm-hmm.
Uhh!
Ooh!
What am I doing here?
Gah!
Now, them some sticks.
Aah!
T-Think fast.
B-Bear.
M-Make yourself bigger.
Raaar!
Hey, it worked.
Oh, no.
Aaaaah!
Simon!
Go, Simon!
Hit it in the face!
Aaah!
Evil bear!
Suck these knunks!
Finn!
Be careful!
Simon!
You got this.
Stab it in the heart.
Uh okay.
This is
your kill window.
Kill window!
Ah!
Aaah!
Uh.
Time to finish this.
Ooh!
Oof.
Finn?
Are you okay?
Your back's kind of
Huh?
Does it look cool?
I've seen worse.
How about you?
Are your bad feelings gone?
Uh, yeah.
Much better.
But I think I'm ready
to go back now.
Cool, cool, cool.
I'll walk you part way.
Okay, let's go.
Oh, yeah.
Looks like here
is where we part.
I'm gonna stop off
and see Huntress Wizard.
Where do I go?
Just follow the river
from here.
It'll take you back
to where you want to be.
Yeah, right.
Where I want to be.
No, for real.
The human city is that way.
Well, thanks, Finn,
for everything.
No prob, Bob.
I love fixing people.
Later!
Does somebody
jump for joy? ♪
Does somebody cry? ♪
Now that I'm not
part of that sadness? ♪
Does somebody want me now? ♪
Now that I can't fly? ♪
Now that I'm not
part of the madness? ♪
Part of the madness? ♪
Part of the madness? ♪
Part of the madness? ♪
Whee!
Laughter and screams
seem to echo faintly ♪
I can still
hear them around ♪
Somewhere the roller coaster
climbs and dives ♪
While I've got my feet
on the ground ♪
Aren't I so much better now
that I'm just a normal guy? ♪
Now that I'm not ♪
Now that I'm not ♪
Part of the madness ♪
Simon!
Marceline.
Simon, you won't believe
what I'm doing right now.
Me and P.B.
are getting matching tattoos!
Hey, Simon!
Well,
trying to get tattoos.
My skin
keeps healing over.
Whatever.
So, h-how you been?
How's work?
Um, I'm good.
Work's great.
Uh, I made a little girl cry
earlier today.
Wait, what was that?
Can you say it again, louder?
It's nothing.
Everything's fine.
Hey, you're doing good, right?
Marceline?
Marce--
Simon!
Phoebe's arm is
gumming up the machine.
And it's hilarious!
Oh, that tickles!
It's so gross!
Oh, uh, got to go.
The tattoo artist
is getting really pissed.
But let's hang out soon,
for real! Bye!
Bye.
Aren't I so much better now
that I'm just a normal guy? ♪
Now that I'm not ♪
Now that I'm not
part of the sadness ♪
Part of the badness ♪
Part of the radness ♪
Part of the ma-a-a-dness ♪
"Fionna didn't know what
secrets lay in the Crystal City
at the bottom of the lake.
But she knew there was
only one way to find out."
You're right, Fionna.
Evil Choose Goose:
Bury the past or even burn,
the suffering
you can't unlearn.
You shut up!
Shut up,
or I'll stuff you!
Stuff me with lemons
and savory spices.
It won't snuff out
your existential crisis.
Forever
she will languish
while you wallow
in anguish.
Why act so stricken?
You know you're too--
Reveal the path
and grant me passage.
Reveal the path
and grant--
The portal won't open,
you massive fake.
You belong in the trash
with Fionna and Cake!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Reveal the path
and grant me passage!
Reveal the path!
No.
I failed you again, Betty.
Wha-- huh?
Aah!
Come on.
Wow. This is one of
the nicest sewers we've been in.
It's stinky.
No, darlin'.
That's me.
Simon!
Aww.
Not to worry.
Guess who always carries
around a sewing kit?
Simon, what would I do
without you?
Oh, you'd be just fine,
I promise.
Better than fine.
You're so great, Marceline.
Someone else would definitely
find you and take care of you.
Maybe even someone rich.
Yeah, you'd be living
in a castle
with food and medicine and--
and trained squirrels
to tend to your every need.
As for me, I'd, uh
I don't know. Oh.
Where everybody
knows your name ♪
And they're always glad
you came ♪
Ah
You want to be
where you can see ♪
Our troubles
are all the same ♪
You want to be where everybody
knows your name ♪
You want to go
where people know ♪
People are all the same ♪
You want to go where
everybody knows your name ♪
Ah, is that
supposed to happen?
Ah!
Is the burning of the pants
a 20th-century ritual?
I liked the cave folks
in there.
Yeah, the cave folks
were great.
Greetings, visitors.
My name is Simon Petrikov,
and I'm an antiquarian
living in the 20th century.
Burning pants is a daily ritual
observed by everyone in my time.
Now, I'd be happy to answer any
other questions you might have.
Mm!
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm!
Anyone?
Yeah,
I got a question.
Down here.
What's that?
Great question.
By the way,
did you know that in the 20th
century, you dogs couldn't talk?
Answer the question!
Oh.
Uh, it's a phone.
What's that above it?
Also a phone.
It's shaped like a football,
but it's a phone.
Is this also a phone?
It's a blow dryer.
Why isn't it
a phone?
Next question.
What's it like
to have ice powers?
Uh, it's great.
Our 20th-century refrigerators
had freezer compartments,
many of which
made their own ice.
Why did you stop writing
Fionna and Cake stories?
Look,
I told you yesterday
and the day
before that--
I didn't write those.
Ice King wrote those.
But if
you're interested
in reading something
actually good,
I wrote a book
about ancient artifacts.
He used to be
a really cool ice wizard
who wrote
my favorite book series,
but then his girlfriend
or fiancée or something
did something bonkers
and turned him
into a boring sad guy.
Ha!
Uh.
Can you at least
sign my book?
Aw. Oh, jeez.
What's under here?
Huh?
No! That's private!
Hey! Let go!
Uh, sorry, doggy.
Sorry.
Sorry, everybody.
The exhibit
is closing early today.
Uh
Sorry. Uh
Uh
Please leave!
What's this room for?
Walls down!
People in the 20th century
were real tranches.
Hey there,
Mr. Petrikov.
What can I get started
for you?
Just the usual.
Wait, extra olives
and cocktail onions.
No ice!
Just-- Just no more ice, ever.
Okay?
All right. Straight up.
You got it.
Olives.
Onions.
Thanks,
Dirt Beer Guy.
Shall I put it
on your tab?
Yeah.
Actually, I think
I'll close it out.
What's up?
You seem a little tense.
No, everything's fine.
Same old, same old.
Huh.
That's really something.
So
about the latest "Joe Milkshake"
manuscript I gave you.
Did you get a chance
to look it over?
Oh, uh, no pressure
or anything.
But your old stuff,
Fionna and Cake,
I mean, honest to Glob, man,
it is
such an inspiration to me.
My old stuff.
I don't really want
to talk about my old stuff.
Why not?
You should be proud.
You wrote
an entire extended universe--
in a fugue state,
if you think about it.
You know, Simon,
I used to bust your balls
about those old stories,
but I really
came around to them.
Oh, Finn.
You too?
Yeah.
Jake loved them.
Yeah, he's the one
who convinced us they were good.
Honestly, I like them better
than Finn and Dad.
No, no, no.
I'm serious.
I don't want to
talk about them.
I'm not proud of them.
No more Fionna and Cake.
Dude, what's wrong?
I'm not Ice King.
I'm not magic.
I can't relate
to Fionna and Cake anymore.
I can't relate
to any of this anymore--
this world, these people.
But there's more humans
than ever now.
Not just your boy
Finn the H.
Heh, sure.
Cool, funky future humans.
I might as well be a dinosaur
to you all.
I'm sorry, Simon.
Sometimes I used to dress up
like Ice King
after I became me again.
I guess I missed being him,
in a way.
Things felt simpler back then. I
I was too out of it
to understand
how screwed up
my life was.
Ah, but even that
stopped working after a while.
Have you talked to Marcy
about any of this?
Nah. I-I didn't want to
freak her out.
Well, hey,
there's always tomorrow, right?
You don't understand.
It's all the same for me.
Every day is just
an unending slog towards
towards what?
A quest!
Friend,
I'm taking you on a quest!
That's just the thing
to make you feel better!
That sounds hazardous.
Yes! Exactly!
Once I take you
to the edge of death,
you'll feel alive again!
Come on, TV.
It's questin' time!
Okay. Coming.
F-Finn,
are you sure about--
Aaaaaaaaaah!
Whoa-oa!
Hmm. Maybe we can
take it down a notch.
Uh!
Finn, is this blindfold
really necessary?
Totally necessary, man.
Onward!
Oh!
What the
Why didn't you
tell me about the tree?
What tree?
Finn!
I thought you were leading.
Come on!
Trust in fate.
The invisible forces
of the universe
will guide us right
where we need to be.
Huh?
You know where we are?
We're in the most
ancient part of Ooo.
Huntress Wizard calls it
the heart of the forest.
The heart, huh?
Yeah.
She said no one should ever,
ever, ever come here.
Well, let's set up camp.
Why don't you catch us a fish
from that creek we passed?
Yeah, okay.
Ohh.
Huh?
Aah!
Uhh!
Oh!
Don't eat me!
La la la la la!
Third nostril.
Good job, bait.
Feel better yet?
Huh?
There was a little guy
in there.
Thank you for your sacrifice,
O majestic one.
The little guy
and a third nostril.
Mmm-mmm!
Simon, we have like
a ton of mudskipper here.
You're just
gonna eat an egg?
Hmm?
Oh, I'm not
going to eat it.
It's for the coffee.
It's a little trick
I learned
to help the grounds settle
and clarify the brew.
Or you can just use
cold water, too.
It's a secret
to cowboy coffee.
Neat!
Where'd you pick that up?
It might
surprise you to learn
I used to be quite
the outdoorsman in my day.
Mmm!
So that's what cowboy
tastes like.
Huh.
This place reminds me
of a forest
I camped out in once
years ago.
We were
on an expedition in Java,
searching for a lost temple,
when we were caught
in a freak rainstorm.
Rainstorm?
Huh.
Half our supplies washed away.
Ah, but Betty somehow put
together a four-star dinner.
Betty.
Hey, now.
Talking about sad stuff
gets you nowhere.
Forget about it.
Uh
Uh.
Hey! The fire's
getting awful low.
Why don't you gather us
some more firewood?
Firewood.
Sure.
Yeah, Finn. Just keep him busy,
and everything will be fine.
Mm-hmm.
Uhh!
Ooh!
What am I doing here?
Gah!
Now, them some sticks.
Aah!
T-Think fast.
B-Bear.
M-Make yourself bigger.
Raaar!
Hey, it worked.
Oh, no.
Aaaaah!
Simon!
Go, Simon!
Hit it in the face!
Aaah!
Evil bear!
Suck these knunks!
Finn!
Be careful!
Simon!
You got this.
Stab it in the heart.
Uh okay.
This is
your kill window.
Kill window!
Ah!
Aaah!
Uh.
Time to finish this.
Ooh!
Oof.
Finn?
Are you okay?
Your back's kind of
Huh?
Does it look cool?
I've seen worse.
How about you?
Are your bad feelings gone?
Uh, yeah.
Much better.
But I think I'm ready
to go back now.
Cool, cool, cool.
I'll walk you part way.
Okay, let's go.
Oh, yeah.
Looks like here
is where we part.
I'm gonna stop off
and see Huntress Wizard.
Where do I go?
Just follow the river
from here.
It'll take you back
to where you want to be.
Yeah, right.
Where I want to be.
No, for real.
The human city is that way.
Well, thanks, Finn,
for everything.
No prob, Bob.
I love fixing people.
Later!
Does somebody
jump for joy? ♪
Does somebody cry? ♪
Now that I'm not
part of that sadness? ♪
Does somebody want me now? ♪
Now that I can't fly? ♪
Now that I'm not
part of the madness? ♪
Part of the madness? ♪
Part of the madness? ♪
Part of the madness? ♪
Whee!
Laughter and screams
seem to echo faintly ♪
I can still
hear them around ♪
Somewhere the roller coaster
climbs and dives ♪
While I've got my feet
on the ground ♪
Aren't I so much better now
that I'm just a normal guy? ♪
Now that I'm not ♪
Now that I'm not ♪
Part of the madness ♪
Simon!
Marceline.
Simon, you won't believe
what I'm doing right now.
Me and P.B.
are getting matching tattoos!
Hey, Simon!
Well,
trying to get tattoos.
My skin
keeps healing over.
Whatever.
So, h-how you been?
How's work?
Um, I'm good.
Work's great.
Uh, I made a little girl cry
earlier today.
Wait, what was that?
Can you say it again, louder?
It's nothing.
Everything's fine.
Hey, you're doing good, right?
Marceline?
Marce--
Simon!
Phoebe's arm is
gumming up the machine.
And it's hilarious!
Oh, that tickles!
It's so gross!
Oh, uh, got to go.
The tattoo artist
is getting really pissed.
But let's hang out soon,
for real! Bye!
Bye.
Aren't I so much better now
that I'm just a normal guy? ♪
Now that I'm not ♪
Now that I'm not
part of the sadness ♪
Part of the badness ♪
Part of the radness ♪
Part of the ma-a-a-dness ♪
"Fionna didn't know what
secrets lay in the Crystal City
at the bottom of the lake.
But she knew there was
only one way to find out."
You're right, Fionna.
Evil Choose Goose:
Bury the past or even burn,
the suffering
you can't unlearn.
You shut up!
Shut up,
or I'll stuff you!
Stuff me with lemons
and savory spices.
It won't snuff out
your existential crisis.
Forever
she will languish
while you wallow
in anguish.
Why act so stricken?
You know you're too--
Reveal the path
and grant me passage.
Reveal the path
and grant--
The portal won't open,
you massive fake.
You belong in the trash
with Fionna and Cake!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Reveal the path
and grant me passage!
Reveal the path!
No.
I failed you again, Betty.
Wha-- huh?