American Dragon: Jake Long (2005) s01e02 Episode Script

(ALL SCREAMING)
Something tells me
this is the place.
Uh, so, um
What exactly is down there
freaking everybody out?
That's the million-dollar
question, kid.
(WIND GROANS)
Guys? Uh
I'd love to go down there
and do some serious
magical realm defending,
but, uh
the thing is,
I'd prefer not
to get my face rearranged
the day before
the fall dance.
Ah, Jake,
even the thirstiest frog
cannot drink from
two ponds at once.
In other words,
duties before cuties.
-Aah!
-(SPLASH)
-(COUGHS)
-(GROWLING)
Now, listen up, yo.
Whatever you are,
I'm here to tell you
to take your nasty business
out of the sew Aah!
Unh! (COUGHS)
My face! How's my face?
(GROANS)
(GROWLING)
Okay, you asked for it.
Dragon up!
How you like these moves,
huh, sewer freak?
Hyah!
Whoa!
Uhn!
(SCREECHES)
Yeah.
Ha ha! Believe dat!
Y'all see me represent?
You see how a real
dragon put it down?
Whatever it is,
it will be back.
(SCOFFS) Joy killer.
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
He's cool, he's hot like a frozen sun
He's young and fast
He's the chosen one
People, we're not braggin'
He's the American Dragon
He's gonna stop his enemies
with his dragon power
Dragon teeth, dragon tail
burnin' dragon fire
A real live wire
American Dragon
American Dragon
He's the American Dragon
His skills are gettin' faster
With Grandpa, the master
His destiny, what's up, G?
It's showtime, baby, for the legacy
American Dragon
From the "J" to the "A"
To the "K" to the "E"
I'm the MacDaddy dragon of the NYC
Ya heard!
GRANDPA: Jake! Get back to work!
Aw, man.
(GONG)
TRIXIE: hey, yo, Jake!
you know it's that time of year again.
Time to make things right
with the universe
and do the charity thing.
So you're volunteering
at the homeless shelter
instead of going
to the dance?
What, you bananas?
This dance is my charity thing.
I'm takin' Spud,
not only
as a charity to him,
but to all the homegirls
who won't have to be his date.
Yeah, we're gonna wear
matching shirts.
(SNIFFING)
Ew. Y'all smell
somethin' funny?
Uh, it's not me.
I showered today.
Er, um, wait, was that yesterday?
Or maybe it was
last Tuesday.
Well, I can't remember
when I showered last.
So Jakey-Jake, who
you takin' to the dance?
I'm gonna ask Rose.
Gonna? You better
get on that train, buddy.
Rose is gonna pull out
of the station without you.
She'll be all, whoo-hoo!
Later, dude.
I got an older guy.
And you'll be all,
no, um, I'm mature!
And then you Bam!
you hit a telephone pole.
And then you'll
just be lyin' there
watching her caboose
get away.
Tsk! Spud, please.
The thing about
the ladies is
you can't come across
too eager.
That train is runnin'
on my schedule.
Ya heard?
You think you can.
You think you can!
I know I can. (SIGHS)
(THINKING)
Okay, you can do this,
'Cause you're the man. Ha!
You're the MacDaddy. Yeah!
You are the master
Aah!
(BIRDS TWEETING)
He thought he could.
He thought he could.
Whoa
Oh, my gosh!
Are you okay?
Sorry. I just
Heh heh.
Locker Face.
So, uh, I
I was just
wondering if, uh,
you had any plans
for the dance.
Oh. I'm going
with Brad.
He just asked me
this morning.
(CRASH)
Oh! That's great!
I have a date, too.
Totally Have a date.
Cool! Who you bringin'?
Oh. Oh, uh
You don't know her.
But she is fizzine!
Smokin' hot!
Ring the Fire Marshal,
because this girl's
gonna set the place ablaze.
Pow! Ha!
I I just wanted to
Make sure, uh, you know,
you were taken care of.
Oh, rest assured,
my friend. She is.
I'll, uh, see ya
at the dance, okay?
Yo, we here for ya, Jakey.
Bro, let the healing begin.
Dude, no time for tears.
I just told Rose
I was showing up
at the dance
with a hot date.
I gotta find one!
Look, I wouldn't
do this for just anyone,
but I got this wig
Ah! Hey, hey, hey!
You are my date.
Jake will be a'ight
as long as he pop
a couple of mints or gum
or somethin' before he
start askin' girls out.
So that's
what smells funny.
Supercalifragilistic
chronic halitosis. Ecch.
Yeah, what is that?
That's just funky.
SPUD: Yucky.
TRIXIE: Ew.
(SNIFFING)
Hey, mama,
how you doin'?
Ugh! and I thought the tuna stroganoff
stunk up the place.
Still? I totally gargled
right before lunch!
Take a breath mint.
Actually,
take the whole roll.
Hey, baby, school dance?
You? Me?
What you think?
Um, I? You? Ow!
(SIREN BLARES)
If the doctors release
you by tomorrow night,
hit me on my cellie!
Cool?
Why fight it,
sweet thing?
I need a date.
You don't have one.
Yecch!
Is it just me,
or are you feeling
something here?
Blecch!
Aw, come on!
My breath can't be
that bad!
MAN: (ON PA) Attention, students.
Due to a mysterious odor,
we will be evacuating
the building
until hazmat crews
have located
the source of the stench.
(BELL RINGS)
(STUDENTS CHEERING)
Aw, man!
(EXHALES)
Bad breath is normal
for dragons your age.
Your fire breathing
glands are maturing.
It should only last
for one, maybe two weeks.
2 weeks?
Unacceptable, Gramps.
I got a dance
to go to,
a lady friend
to impress,
you feelin' me?
Bad breath
is not important.
What is important is for us to identify
the creature in the sewer.
The Dragon Council
is awaiting a full report.
Anything in those books
about how to get rid of
my stank mouth?
(COUGHS)
You should not worry
about other people's perceptions of you.
The horn does not
make the unicorn.
Uh, actually, it does.
Otherwise,
it's just a horse.
Hmm? Bah!
Do not question
your Dragon Master!
Wha?
Uh, you seriously
taking advice from a man
who hasn't had a date
since the Ming dynasty?
Follow me, kid.
I got just the thing.
Crushed bat guano Bang!
A little pinch of Rosemary
Baboom!
And last but not least,
a little eau de toad.
FU DOG: Bingo!
As long as you're wearing
this baby,
bad breath is but
a distant nightmare.
Fu! You're my dog!
This is awesome!
Ah, ah, ah!
Just be careful with it.
Toad wart isn't
back in season until June.
Now about getting you
a date to the dance
Huh? But I already asked
every girl in school.
Who said anything
about school?
Now, if you really want
to impress Miss Rose,
you gotta show up
at the dance
with a grade-a
prime hottie.
You gotta show her that
you're a serious player.
I am a serious player.
Heh heh heh.
Yeah, that's good, kid.
You keep
telling yourself that.
Now, I happen
to know some ladies on my side of town
that might be willing
to help you out.
Heh. Bring it on, Fu!
(HORN BLOWS)
(BRAKES HISS)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold up, kid.
But this the last stop.
Not for us, it ain't.
Huh?
FU DOG: this here's
the express train to magicville. Ha ha ha!
Eye of newt,
5 for $1.00!
Guano! Get your guano!
Earmuffs!
Hide your pointy ears all winter long.
Welcome to
Magus Bazaar, kid.
Anything you need,
you can find it here.
Hey, hey, hey.
Stick close.
I don't want you talking to anybody
unless I give you the thumbs-up.
Some of these characters
are a little unsavory. (WHISTLES)
Hey, Veronica, you
back there, sweetheart?
Fu Dog! You out of
bat liver oil already?
Heh heh. Nah. Nah.
I got someone here I'd like you to meet.
Jake, meet
Va Va Veronica.
Come on, kid.
Work your magic.
Hey, hey!
Um, hey, listen,
I was wondering,
if you weren't busy tomorrow night,
maybe I could
Maybe I could
slowly back away.
Hey, what's
the matter with you?
Sorry. I guess I was
just a little put off
by the
eight hairy spider legs!
Hey, I thought
you might be a leg man.
All right, relax.
I got a few other options.
JAKE: Twins!
All right,
one for each arm!
Hey, hey, hey,
they ain't just twins.
They're oracle twins.
Seers, as in they can
see the future. Huh? Huh?
Wow. How cool is that?
Hi! you're cute.
Want to know the
exact time of day you're gonna die?
Uh
You're getting a Gamestation 3000
for Christmas this year.
Whoop-dee-tap-dancing-do
for you.
Uh, here's the deal, kid.
Sara,
little miss sunshine,
she can only see
the bad stuff that's gonna happen.
Kara, miss gloom-and-doom,
can only see the good stuff.
Go figure.
Anyhow, you got your pick.
You should totally have that mole
on your hand checked. (GIGGLING)
I pick neither.
Look, fu, I'm looking
to impress Rose,
not traumatize her
for life.
Whoa, take it easy, kid.
We're just getting
warmed up.
Okay, but, uh
How about I pick the next girl?
No way, kid.
Some of these girls are dangerous.
Just stick with me.
I'll make sure you don't get
Hurt?
(SNICKERS)
Well, well, well
You've got
a lot of nerve
showing your face
around here.
Herbert, come on,
I was gonna pay you back
those dog biscuits.
Seriously. I just need
a little more time.
JAKE: Hi.
You come here often?
Heh. No, I'm just in town for a few days
visiting my family.
Well, a visitor
should have the proper tour guide.
Really? Heh heh.
You have someone in mind?
Jake Long
at your service.
I'm Jasmine.
Uh, listen, there's a dance at my school
tomorrow night,
and I was just wondering
if maybe you'd like
to go with me.
Oh, I'd love to, but
But what?
Is it my breath?
'Cause the necklace
is supposed to
Hey, chill. Your breath
is newtie fresh.
I just
have to be home early.
I stayed out late
last night
and got in so much trouble.
You don't even know.
How early we talkin'?
Oh, you know,
some time around
10:23 and 15 seconds
Eastern Standard Time.
Oh, it's this whole
lunar cycle thing.
That's cool.
You can tell me
all about it at the dance.
FU DOG: Guys, come on.
Be reasonable.
Um, I'll see you
tomorrow, okay?
The blood's rushing
to my head.
Why don't you pick on
someone your own size?
(GROWLS)
(GROWLS)
Hyah!
(GROANS)
Whoa! Ah! Aah!
(GRUNTS)
Whew, nice save, kid.
Now, maybe we can
find you a date in troll town.
(SCOFFS)
It's cool, Fu.
I'll be fine.
Just fi Ine.
MAN: Moon rocks!
Get your moon rocks
right here!
Aah! Oh, come on.
Mom!
Ooh! I can't help it, Jake.
You just look so handsome!
Okay, hold still.
Hold still!
You know, son,
your tie might fit a little better
if you took off
this necklace.
No! I mean, uh, heh.
No, I mean, the ladies like to see
a little bling-bling.
Know what I'm sayin',
pops?
No. I have no idea.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
I'll get it!
Hi. Is Jake here?
You must have
the wrong house.
My brother's
never dated anyone as pretty as you.
Actually, my brother's
never dated.
Heh. Really?
He's such a sweetheart.
Oh, he's the best.
He sleeps
with a night light, picks his toes,
and Mom had to
send him to school with extra underwear
for the entire
first grade.
(WHISPERS) Accidents.
Want to see me
do a pirouette?
Ha ha!
-Isn't she precious?
-(CRASH)
Well, bye.
Hold it! hold it!
hold it! hold it!
Okay!
Okay, well,
don't wait up!
Huh. That's weird.
Jasmine has red eye
in every one of these pictures.
JONATHAN: Huh. Camera must be broken.
TRIXIE: look here, Spud,
I showed up with you,
but I ain't about
to dance with you,
get your punch,
or pose for any photos
that can later
be used against me.
Are you hearin' me?
No, ma'am.
Right on, Jake!
Trixie, Spud, I'd like you
to meet Jasmine.
JASMINE: it's nice to meet you guys.
How are you
Okay, we'll catch up
with you guys later.
Gotta go get my dance on.
Yeah!
Maybe we should get
our dance
Ah! Shut it down,
dough boy.
Okay.
Tell the Council
I do not have any information
about the creature yet.
(GRUMBLES)
Apparently,
my daughter thinks fixing a digital camera
is more important
than restoring peace to the community.
No skin off my wings.
I'm paid by the hour.
Wait! Nix!
Gesundheit.
No, no, listen.
The Nix is a creature who,
while harmless
and beautiful during the day,
becomes
a soul-sucking monster
when the moon reaches
the center of the night sky.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Um, Jake, don't forget.
I have to be home by
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:20 Something.
10:23 and 15 seconds.
It's the exact time
the moon reaches the center of the sky.
Whatev. No prob.
I just want you to meet a few people,
and then we'll
totally motor.
Uh. Uh. Yeah. Uh. Hey.
Don't hurt yourself. Ha!
Hey. Oh! Hey, Brad.
Hi, Rose.
Did y'all get to meet
my hot date Jasmine?
Hey. Hey.
Hey, hey, hey!
Nice to meet you.
Dude, you weren't kidding!
she's on fire!
How'd you score that?
-Who are you?
-Do you have a sister?
Or even a half-sister?
Gentlemen
It's like I says to
my hot date Jasmine earlier,
hot date Jasmine,
I says,
if you want the hotties,
you gots to move
your bodies. Hey!
Don't hurt yourself. Uh!
Uh. Over here.
Check it out. What?
Over here.
Check it out.
Party over here.
Check it out.
Uh, Jake,
it's getting late,
and I'm not
feeling too well.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, okay.
Just a couple
more minutes.
Yo! Party over here!
What? Party over here!
Jake, the moon!
Yeah, it's almost
as beautiful as you, babe.
Yo, yo, yo, D.J.!
Drop Drop the beat!
TRIXIE: Trixie
on the one and twos!
(RECORD SCRATCHING)
Hey, honey,
leaving so soon?
Party's just
getting started.
Well, I just
I I'm not
feeling like myself really right now.
I think a quick dance
with the Bradster
will set you right.
I really shouldn't.
I I really need to go.
Come on.
One dance won't hurt anyone.
Yo, yo, check it out.
It's the MacDaddy
giving MacDaddy lessons
at the punch bowl
in 10 minutes. Peace!
TRIXIE: Uh, Jake?
You seen your hot
date Jasmine lately?
Ah
Do you realize what this means?
Um, yeah.
That you brought a cheatin',
two-faced she-witch to the dance.
JAKE: Rose!
I can't believe
Brad would just ditch her like that.
Actually, I can.
(EXHALING)
(SNIFFS)
It's all good.
Brad said the reason
he asked me out tonight
was so he could dance
with the prettiest girl
in the room.
I guess he got his wish.
Come on.
I want to dance
with the prettiest girl in the room.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey, sweetie,
you really know your way
around a dance floor.
(GROWLS)
Well, grrr to you, too.
(SNARLING)
(SIGHS) Look,
I'm really sorry that Brad
Don't be.
You're a better
dancer anyway.
Aah!
Hey, watch where
you're Going.
Yah! I'll be right back.
Trixie, whatever you do,
don't let Spud
dance with Jasmine.
Homeboy, please.
I wish I thought Spud
would dare dance
with another g
Spud?
Yo, Spud!
TRIXIE: Yo, Spud,
snap out of it, boy!
(CELL PHONE BEEPING)
(SWEDISH ACCENT)
Yeah, you store much tension
in these wrinkles.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
(CLANGS)
(CAT HOWLS)
Talk to the Fu.
Fu, Fu,
you gotta help me.
My date is totally
acting freaky!
Date? What date?
Well, I sort of asked
this hot girl
from the flea market
who looked normal, but
Kid, what did you do?
He took a Nix
to the school dance.
(SHUDDERS)
A Nix? You mean
the one with the
Aw, Jake,
do you realize
your date is
a soul-stealing vixen?
I'm starting to. Yes.
You gotta get her
out of there, pronto.
You don't want to know
what happens to a Nix
when the moon reaches
the center of the sky.
(LOUD BANG)
(ROARING)
Uh, I think
i just found out.
(ROARING)
Whoa!
Fu, Fu! My date just
totally stole the souls
of the entire student body!
Talk about killing
the party vibe.
I think I can whip up
a potion that'll help you out,
but you gotta
keep her busy till then.
That I can do, Fu.
Dragon up!
Right on!
Time to go kick me some Nix!
Look out, Nix,
'cause the Am-drag
is on the sciz-ene
Whoa! uhn.
(GROWLS)
Oh, so now you want
to dance with me.
(SNARLS)
(ROARS)
Huh?
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Aah!
JAKE: Time
to spin some tunes.
(GASPS)
Oh!
Whoa! Whoa!
Uhn!
(ROARS)
FU DOG: Back off,
soul sister.
Hyah!
Here, kid.
This ought
to do the trick.
Ha!
Ha. Say
good night, baby.
FU DOG: Kid, no!
You're not supposed
to drink it!
(BELCHES)
Ack!
Huh?
You were supposed to
pour it on the Nix!
The potion renders
whoever touches it powerless!
Aw, man!
Uh, a little help,
Gramps?
(GROANING)
Yah!
Hyah!
Huh? Whoa!
Come on, kid.
I bet all my brownies on you.
And I'm wishing
my chocolate had been on the Nix
'cause, frankly,
you stink!
(SNARLS)
Uh, you're right!
I do stink!
(GROWLS)
H How ya like me now,
Nix?
Dragon Breath.
Whoa ho ho!
FU DOG: All right.
We'll keep the Nix
ix-nayed at the shop
until sunrise.
When the moon sets,
she'll be good as new.
What happened?
(ALL TALKING AT ONCE)
Uh, and when they say
trance music,
they mean it!
Good dance, huh?
(RECORD SCRATCHES)
BOY: Aah! Welcome
to smellmouth!
GIRL: Get a breath mint!
Your breath
is stinky, yo!
Ugh!
(SIGHS)
Jake!
I know, I know.
My breath.
I'm gonna head home
and take a bath in mouthwash.
No, I
I was just going to
thank you for the dance.
Oh. Um, yeah.
Uh, look,
I'm sorry that my date
and your date sort of
No big.
I guess we both
just came here with the wrong people.
You have no idea.
Maybe next time
we'll make better choices.
Heh. Believe that.
Whoa!
Oh! ooh! Ah!
Eeh! Ah!
I'm cool.
I'm cool.
So, um (SIGHS)
I'm not sure
how to put this,
but I'm sorry
I tried to suck the souls
out of all your friends
at the dance.
Hey, you warned me
you needed to get home 11 times.
I was just too caught up
in my own thing.
Still, I should have
told you.
Well, this is me.
I had
a really nice time,
except for the whole, you know
(SIGHS) Sorry again.
(SCOFFS)
Don't even sweat it.
I'm just glad
everyone's souls
ended up back
in their right bodies.
TRIXIE'S VOICE:
Sweet mama flapjack!
Please tell me I'm
lookin' at a mirror!
SPUD'S VOICE: Dude!
I could've sworn
I was a dude.