Arab Maklum (2023) s01e02 Episode Script

1
I can do that too.
Nice.
What are you doing?
It's TikTok.
So, you've started watching TikTok now.
I remember a certain someone said to me,
"TikTok is just full of people
randomly dancing."
"It's just bad stuff."
"We should recite the Koran
in order to get a reward."
Who said that? Do you remember?
This is different. The dancing is better.
Look at this, this is a viral dance.
I can do that too.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
I'll show you.
Look at this.
What did I tell you?
You've forgotten how old you are.
You should warm up first.
Yes, I'll warm up.
-Ouch.
-Ow
Why did it sound crunchy
like my favorite crackers?
You should exercise.
You hardly move.
You would become healthy if you did.
You only want to do midnight exercise.
Exercise?
I'm still too lazy to do it.
All you have to do is jog around
the complex.
Don't just run around in my mind.
It makes me dizzy.
Yes, in just a minute.
I want to watch three TikTok videos first.
Now you're setting conditions.
Go jog now so you get healthy. Hurry!
All right.
Assalamu alaikum. Laela, my friend.
Waalaikumsalam, Nab. Are you fasting?
I'm fasting, Alhamdulillah.
By the way, I want to ask you something.
Have you read the update on
the WhatsApp group for complex' ladies?
There goes our reward for fasting, Nab.
It must be about Vanya.
What is she up to now?
Yes, that is true. It's about Vanya.
That widow's really driving me nuts.
You know her latest move?
A morning walk around the complex.
Can you guess what she did?
Her clothes were so skintight.
She was bouncing about as she ran.
I told you.
I don't like that widow.
I don't like Vanya.
Really?
You don't believe me?
Dear Mrs. Laela, this is a factual story.
For real. It's not a hoax. Understand?
Now, try to imagine our fate
if our husbands meet Vanya.
If they meet her on the street.
They will go chasing her, La.
I can't stand it anymore.
It bothers me so much!
Astagfirullahaladzim.
My husband! Aba!
Mahmud!
Vanya! Astagfirullahaladzim.
Mahmud, come here.
Your cleavage. Your bust.
Mahmud, they're covered. Come here.
It's a surprise seeing you doing exercise.
I've been exercising since I was young.
-Is that so?
-Yes.
Mahmud, why hasn't Koh Aseng contacted me?
Do you like Aseng?
Why don't you contact him first?
I don't want to contact him first.
Or maybe Koh Aseng doesn't like me?
Well, he is indifferent.
He always thinks about his work.
You mean he's a workaholic?
Let me tell you something.
I love workaholic men
who are cold to the girls
like Koh Aseng is.
So cool.
What's more, he's already established.
Mahmud, Koh Aseng doesn't
have a girlfriend yet, right?
Not yet. Don't worry,
I'll hitch you up with him.
Really? Are you serious?
-You promise, Mud?
-Yes.
Gosh, I'm so happy.
Let's chat there.
Great. So, Koh Aseng really
doesn't have a girlfriend yet?
No, he doesn't have one.
Let's take a selfie.
I want to send it to Koh Aseng.
-A selfie?
-Yes.
Let's go.
My phone is dead.
Can we use your phone instead?
-My phone?
-Yes. Can we?
Can we?
-Yes, sure.
-Great.
You hold the phone. I want to pose.
-Okay.
-Okay.
Gosh.
-Change pose.
-Gosh.
Geez. Gosh.
This one's so cute.
I want to send it to Koh Aseng.
All right, go right ahead.
So cute.
-Wait a moment.
-I have his number in my contact list.
So cute.
Vanya, how about going for Umrah?
-Astagfirullahaladzim.
-Umrah?
-Yes.
-When?
Soon. There is a great nine-day program.
You can stay in a five-star hotel.
It's nice.
-Is that so?
-Yes.
Aba's here!
Umi.
What are you doing here?
My morning run, of course.
Why are you doing your morning run
in a house dress?
Who's that?
It's Vanya, right?
Yes, Laela. Yesterday,
we met at a complex event.
That's right.
Do you want to go for Umrah?
No. Mahmud was just asking me
to go for Umrah with him,
but I'm still confused.
So, he's asking you
to go for Umrah with him?
Well then, Ba, let's go home now.
We have to practice manasik.
I've just started running.
I haven't even done a lap yet.
No need for that. You're not an athlete.
Let's go home.
-Vanya, I have to go home.
-All right.
Here's your phone.
-Bye, Mahmud. Bye, Laela. Bye!
-Give it to me.
-Give it to me.
-What?
-That.
-My cell phone?
Let me see it.
-There's nothing in it.
-I saw you guys taking pictures.
-But there's nothing there.
-Now! Give it to me!
-I'll explain later.
-Give it to me now!
Why did you take a picture
with that flirtatious widow?
I told you to do a morning jog,
not take selfies.
Mi, let me explain.
You even want to do Umrah with her!
Umrah is my dream, not her dream!
Astagfirullahaladzim. You've been
watching too many soap operas.
Don't be prejudiced.
I was only selling Umrah travel packages.
Be patient. It's the fasting month.
If you get angry,
you'll invalidate your fast.
All right, I'm getting ready
to go to work.
What are you talking about?
When all the demons are bound,
you become the demon instead.
This is great. Extraordinary.
-Nice.
-Ow
It hurts.
Ow
Mud, what's wrong with you?
I don't know, Seng. I'm just hurting
down here all of a sudden.
Goodness. Definitely hemorrhoids.
Hurry and see a doctor.
I don't want to go to the doctor.
I'm too embarrassed.
This is a sensitive area.
You're too embarrassed
to go to the doctor?
Do you want your hemorrhoids
to grow and burst?
Astagfirullahaladzim. Don't scare me.
I'm not scaring you.
Come on, let me go with you.
-What? Go with me?
-Yes, so you don't get scared.
Two men going to a doctor
to have a rectal examination?
You are so weird!
Weird how?
I tell you what.
I'll have the doctor come here.
There are many doctors on call.
I'm going to find an anal specialist.
I mean, a hemorrhoid specialist.
All right, but make sure
the doctor is a man.
Yes, for sure. I'll go and look.
A CALL FOR MEN
Here he is. The doctor's name is Dian.
I have a male friend named Dian.
But there is also a female named Dian.
Seng, don't make me have
second thoughts about this.
My fate is in your hands.
Make sure the doctor is male.
Make sure he has a male name.
For example, Mahmud.
Mahmud is a male name.
There is no woman named Mahmud.
That is true. I'll look again.
Dr. Mahmud. Mahmud
Mahmud? Where is Dr. Mahmud?
It doesn't have to be Mahmud.
Just a male name.
All right!
A male doctor.
Don't use "male doctor" as the keyword.
A male name. A man.
Yes, I understand. I'm looking for one.
Here he is. Dr. Alisyah.
That's a female name. Ow
Isn't Ali?
Here's another one. Dr. Maimun.
Ambiguous. Find another one.
Here's another one. Dr. Gunawan.
-Now, that's a male name.
-Yes.
-I'll call him, okay?
-Yes.
Ouch.
Not yet, Mud. Just a little longer.
Oh my
Hang in there. He's coming soon, Mud.
Ow
-There he is, Mud.
-Alhamdulillah.
-You're safe, Mud.
-Alhamdulillah.
-Good afternoon.
-Afternoon.
-Ahlan Tour and Travel?
-Correct. Do you want to plan a trip?
Did someone call for a doctor?
-I did. Where's the doctor?
-I'm the doctor.
Seng, the doctor is a woman.
You're female?
Is there a problem
if the doctor is a female?
There must have been a mistake
because I called for a male doctor.
Can you please check again?
I was right.
Doctor N. Gunawan.
The "N" is for Nita. Nita Gunawan.
So, I'm Dr. Nita Gunawan.
Astagfirullahaladzim, Aseng.
-Why is the doctor a female, Seng?
-Calm down, Mud.
Doctor, wait a minute.
It doesn't matter.
The doctor is here. It will
take a long time to search again.
-I don't want her, Seng.
-It doesn't matter.
-Doc, just check it right away.
-Yes, please come here.
It's okay. Just have it checked
so you'll recover immediately.
-Easy for you to say.
-Just calm down, Mahmud!
-Seng, it's "down" there that hurts.
-Take a deep breath.
-Calm yourself.
-Ya Allah.
-Let's have it checked. Right, Doc?
-I'm just getting worse.
-It doesn't matter.
-Why are you the one not calm?
This is for you, not for me.
Please pull down your pants.
Pull down my pants?
Calm down.
Doctor, don't be so aggressive.
My friend is shy.
If you don't take off your pants,
how can I examine you?
If you don't take off your pants,
you can't be examined.
Just take them off!
I'm a male and she's a female.
Calm down, sir. I'm a doctor.
I am used to examining the male body.
Did you hear that? She's used
to examining the male body. Relax.
The doctor is used to it, I'm not used to
revealing my private parts
in front of a female doctor.
You don't have to be embarrassed about
showing your privates to a woman.
You're used to showing your privates
to your wife.
My wife is a muhrim. She's not!
It's not a sin. This is only for
the purposes of a health examination.
It's not a sin. Just go ahead!
Astagfirullahaladzim, Seng.
Don't make me do it!
Ouch
All right, it's done.
-It's done?
-Yes.
That was fast.
Doc, how are my friend's hemorrhoids?
Has his life expectancy been affected?
It's not hemorrhoids, sir.
-It's not?
-No.
He doesn't need any surgery?
That's right. I'll just prescribe him
some medication.
Okay.
Mud, she said it's not hemorrhoids.
No need for surgery.
She'll just prescribe you some medicine.
Why did we call for a doctor anyway?
You're the one who insisted
on calling a doctor.
Yes, but it was for your own good.
You should be grateful
to have a friend like me.
What if we hadn't found that out
and it had suddenly exploded?
Sir, here's the prescription
and the total bill.
Yes. Thank you, Doctor.
Yes.
Mud, here's the prescription
and the total bill.
You called the doctor, so you pay.
You were the one being examined.
La? Laela?
What is it?
It's got me thinking.
I think that we, as wives,
must strengthen ourselves.
We mustn't let our husbands
leave the house unsupervised, La.
We have to come up with a strategy.
Goodness, what kind of strategy, Jenab?
La, listen to me.
Don't you see all those widows
hanging around in the complex?
They are so pretty, Laela.
They're just like dolls in the store.
They stay fit and work out.
We have to be slim, La!
-What? Slim?
-Yes.
That's easy for you to say.
What do you mean by that?
Are you trying to offend me?
Of course not.
Please don't get angry, bestie.
I'm just stating the facts.
The point is that
I have a spectacular idea.
A spectacular idea?
Yes, of course. Listen to me, okay?
From now on,
we have to learn belly dancing!
-Belly dancing?
-Yes, belly dancing.
There's a reason, La.
We have to make our husbands happy
to be at home.
Then they won't keep going out.
They say they want to watch the football,
but instead, they go to a widow's house!
I'm so annoyed.
Hey, you're just hitting the board,
you're not slicing it.
So annoying.
I'm so annoyed.
Astagfirullahaladzim. You shocked me.
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with me?
Don't you understand?
This is belly dancing.
Don't you know it? Belly dancing.
Belly dancing? I thought you were
shaking off the rain.
You're so rude.
I'm doing this just for you
to get slim, sexy, and attractive.
You don't have to do it. There's no point!
You're underestimating me?
Before I gave birth to your child, I was
slim, pretty, calm, and good-looking.
I meant you are already slim and sexy.
Mashallah, my wife.
Please go on.
I'll go out first. Assalamu alaikum.
Why?
Why is it like this?
Hey, Aba! Where are you going?
-I want to watch the football.
-Where?
-In a neighbor's house.
-Which neighbor?
The neighbor at the end of the complex.
What's wrong with our TV?
Is the antenna broken?
You can watch it at home.
Watching football is much better
with other people. It's fun!
Who are the other people?
Do they include the new widow?
Astagfirullahaladzim.
It's all men. No women.
Aba, listen.
I worked hard, sweating,
exhausting myself,
just to learn belly dancing,
and then you just walk away like that?
What does watching the football
have to do with belly dancing?
I learned belly dancing
so that you would enjoy being at home.
Does it have any effect?
What do you mean?
You don't like it at home because
I'm not sexy anymore, is that it?
You are sexy. Very sexy.
I love being at home.
But I will still watch the football.
Just tonight, okay?
Are you sure it will only be tonight?
And also the elimination round.
And also the semifinals.
What about the final?
Good thinking!
Yes, and also the final!
No! I don't want you to go out!
Do you understand? Period.
-Umi?
-No bargaining.
Umi?
Seriously?
Mahmud isn't allowed to come.
How do you know that? Why is that?
It's better that we watch it now.
Why? What's the reason?
He is never allowed to leave
when we come here.
He is the head of his family.
-He can make the decision
-Enough, enough.
-Head of the family or head of a duck?
-Oh my God, let it go, Soleh.
Can you just shut up?
Be quiet and listen.
I have a solution for both of you.
-What is it?
-Do you have 100,000 rupiah?
-I do.
-Give it to me.
-For what?
-It's too deep.
Deep, right?
-Your pockets are so tight.
-What's it for?
Let's check if Mahmud
has been allowed to come by Laela.
No way. I already said that
he won't be allowed.
You guys call it. Whoever is right wins.
-He won't be allowed.
-I choose that one too.
-Of course.
-What?
If you're not allowed,
then you can't come.
-I told you so.
-Hello.
-My friend.
-Hello.
-Ya Allah.Alhamdulillah.
-Hello, Mahmud.
What's up, Ad? Ya Allah.
You're ready with the jersey, so
of course you're coming with us, right?
-Yes, of course.
-Let's go!
-You're allowed to go?
-Yes.
He is allowed to go, Ad.
Mud, please be consistent.
You've never been allowed to go before.
Who says I am not allowed to go?
Burhan.
Well, rather than these two men
fighting each other, Mud,
it's better that you make a decision.
Do you prefer to be allowed to go
or to not be allowed to go?
I'm sure that you are not allowed, Mud.
-I am allowed to go.
-You are, aren't you?
-Yes, I am.
-Are you ready? Let's go.
That's enough, Ad.
You're not being consistent.
-Astagfirullahaladzim.
-You're different from the usual.
Why do you guys
Okay, are you allowed to go?
-I am!
-Are you serious?
Seriously, I am allowed to go.
He's already wearing the jersey.
Of course he's allowed to go.
I got it. I just want to make sure.
Allahu Akbar, why is it so crowded
like a goose cage?
Astagfirullahaladzim.
-Burhan.
-Yes, La?
I'm surprised to see you here
at this hour.
-How is it going, La?
-Good, thank you.
-Are you okay?
-I am.
I was being a mermaid.
-A mermaid?
-Yes.
Stop it.
You have to be like that just for Mahmud.
-Those look like my clothes.
-What?
-No, they're not.
-This guy
-I thought they were yours.
-Mine was green.
-Astagfirullah
-Gosh.
Maybe he is Nyai Roro Kidul's aide.
It's different, mine was turquoise.
Nyai Roro Kidul with turquoise?
No way, right?
It's weird already if you wear it.
Stop it, it's better that we go right now.
Mi, I want to watch football now.
Are you asking for my permission?
I am not asking for permission,
I just want to tell you.
Ya Allah, thank you for telling me.
When will you come home?
You don't have to wait up for me.
So, I'll sleep first, all right?
Whatever. I'll bring my own key.
He'll bring his own key.
Laela, are you sure you don't want
to tell your husband to do some housework?
No, that's my job.
Stop it. What's wrong with you?
Remember, there are many women
who want to take him away.
-Are you sure someone wants him?
-Yes.
They especially want someone like him.
They say he'd be like a sugar daddy.
-Ya Allah.
-Many women like him.
-It's better that he stays at home.
-It's better that he not.
-Yes, right.
-What is it?
There are no women there. It's all men.
-All men? No women?
-Yes, no women.
It's safe, La. Allow him.
That's enough, stop it.
It's better that we go now.
-Let's go!
-Come on.
Wait a second.
You're not going?
You're not? Alhamdulillah.
-I want to take my sandals.
-Sandals.
Enough.
-Enough, let it go.
-Assalamu alaikum, Mi.
Waalaikumsalam.
-You said that you weren't allowed.
-Walk now!
Now, you say you are allowed.
-Hurry!
-Rijal.
Let it go?
-Wait a second.
-Enough.
-I win.
-What took him so long?
Where's the money?
Here you go.
Why only this?
There's a fee.
A fee? That wasn't in the agreement.
It was my idea, right?
It's a basic rule of gambling.
What money is this?
Gambling! They were gambling!
Gambling!
-Snitch!
-Gambling!
Astagfirullahaladzim. Give me the money.
Give it to me. Astagfirullah.
-Is this gambling money?
-Yes.
-It's forbidden. This is Ramadan.
-Forbidden.
Imagine the flames of hell searing you
because of this money.
-Astagfirullah!
-Gambling during the fasting month.
Why are you taking it?
It's dirty money. I have to donate it.
-Yes, I agree.
-Find someone who needs it.
-I agree.
-But
Enough. You should be thankful
because you were freed from the sin.
Do you want to go to hell?
This is the fasting month.
-Let's just watch football.
-Let's go. Hurry.
But yours is still
Enough.
-Enough. It's safe.
-It's gambling.
It's gambling.
-Cool, right?
-The goal was spectacular!
Wait. Wait, stop discussing football.
-Let's talk about your jersey.
-What's wrong with it?
I've noticed that
every time we watch football,
whatever the country is,
you always wear an Arab jersey.
Today, we watched Poland and England.
Yes, Poland vs England.
Why are you wearing an Arab jersey?
I was so grateful just to be allowed
to buy this jersey.
-By Laela?
-Yes.
-Gosh!
-So, you're afraid of your wife?
Astagfirullahaladzim, no.
-I'm not afraid of my wife.
-Then what?
-I just respect her.
-Respect?
I respect my wife.
Okay. Respect.
It's not like that. Enough, go home!
I want to go inside.
-Mud?
-What?
You said that you wanted to donate
the money to people in need.
What of it?
I need it, Mud.
I really need it.
-Just take it. Ya Allah.
-The money, Mud!
-I really need it, Mud.
-This is your money.
But I saw that it was more than this.
-I need it, Mud!
-Astagfirullah.
Don't let Laela hear.
Take this 50,000 rupiah.
Thank you.
Let's go, it's raining.
Why do you guys still hang out here?
Assalamu alaikum.
-He's acting like a smart-ass.
-Why did he get it?
-I don't know.
-Hey, wait!
-Just go home.
-Yes, right.
Mud, is Laela already asleep
at this kind of hour?
-She's asleep.
-Cool.
-Laela!
-Astagfirullahaladzim! It's late at night!
Ya Allah.
The lock's been changed.
Ya Allah.
Astagfirullahaladzim.
Assalamu alaikum.
Laela?
I'm home.
Dear?
Suhoor!
Why is it so quiet?
It's only 12:00?
Aba!