Bang Baaja Baaraat (2015) s01e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
1 Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on! Hold on! How do you like it? - No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No, Gurpreet.
- Relax.
What is wrong with you? No! Are you out of your mind? What if someone drops in? And anyway, Pawan's mom is too scandalized I don't think this right.
Shahna, don't be a pussy.
Anyway, I'm going to lock this place down.
Andtoday evening we're going to have a bikini-themed bachelorette.
Are you crazy, Gurpreet.
- What? Pawan is not going to like all this.
Like it? I'd love it! Bang Baaja Baaraat Season 01 | Episode 02 Ori Look, I am really very sorry, Shahana.
Can we please, please, please be on the same page again? Okay.
Just a samplefor the bachelorette.
Is that a self-portrait, Mr.
Sharma? Becauseslightly disappointing? I'll show you the real one? You want to see the real one? You sure? Barkha.
Oh, God! What are you doing here? You were supposed to come tomorrow.
Please, I couldn't have travelled with those of idiots.
Yeah, yeah.
Hi.
- Hi.
Hi, sister-in-law.
Wasim, you? You're here too.
How was the trip? - Tiring.
I was saying, let's catch a train.
But your sister made me drive all the way here.
Who drives all the way here from Kanpur? Wellyou see - Hi, Wasim.
I've heard a lot about you.
What? That you two were really mischievous in your childhood.
Who are you talking about? I am Wasim.
Wasim Sheikh.
Hello.
Hello.
You scared the poor girl.
Who comes by-road? I mean Listen.
Yes, sir? Is there a well around here somewhere? Sorry, I didn't get you, sir.
Well? The place where we draw out water.
Sometimes people even in it to commit suicide.
They stand on the ledge and jump in.
Do you have one? No, sir.
You want water? No, no.
What do they call it in Marathi? Punnu told me once.
You are Maharashtian, right? In Marathi it's called Its an important ritual.
The groom's mother gets upset and sits at the well.
Wondering if the groom will forget all about his mother post his wedding and be stuck under his wife's skirt.
Mom, what are you saying? - I'm not saying anything wrong.
Only then does she gets off the ledge, understand.
Punnu, go find a well.
I'll get upset and sit there.
Then you can take the seven vows and I'll come back with you, okay? Mom.
Mom.
- What? You can make me take all the vows right here.
Where will he find a well? Even papa's been searching for a well since morning.
You've been dictating your own terms.
- Hello.
Yeah.
Okay.
Hello.
Stop arguing.
- I'm not arguing.
Where are you going? - What are you doing? I'll be right back.
Everything is happening at once - Oh, God.
Seeit's all because of you.
The city's completely ruined.
How much further? - Just a little further.
We're almost there.
Papa, papawhere are you going? - Stop running, son.
I'm only going to see that pond.
For the function.
No, no, someone's having a private party out there.
Sir, it's your party.
- Shut up.
You should've told him that he can't walk-in on someone's party.
Papa, that's the pool area.
Do you have any idea how expensive that is? They charge 5000 only to sitting there.
Have you lost your mind? 5000 rupees? The hotel people are swindling us.
Yes.
Come to the room, I've made all the arrangements for the function.
Bachelorette party.
Cheer's bitches.
Meaningdog.
Come, I'll explain everything to you.
You mean actual dogs and bitches.
What else do you expect in a big hotel like this? They're paying 5000 to cats and dogs.
Isn't my mother enough.
.
What is she doing there! Who is it? Who is it? Toothpaste.
I forgot mine Sir, it's ready.
You can check the temperature of the water.
Boss, we're not shooting a soap ad.
It's a ritual.
You go.
Go.
- Okay, sir.
Thank you.
It's done.
Comesit.
You can watch that newsreader of yours tomorrow.
Come now.
Just a minute, Roli.
You drown yourself, I am coming.
So listen, I've made a list of modern vows for a modern wedding.
Yeahfirst one.
You won't convert to half a Punjabi but she'll become a full Brahmin.
Meaningno meat.
Mom, I am a chef.
I run a continental restaurant.
I can't cook potato wedges.
I saw that wink.
And Punnu, if you don't agree to these terms, I will.
.
Fine, fine, I agree.
I am going.
I am going to die.
Careful.
Enough.
- That was just the first, now for the second.
The second vow.
We'll name your first child.
I will.
You've already turned into half Englishman.
God knows what name you'll come up with like Tom, Dick or Harry.
- Mom.
It's our kids, not yours alone.
Be quiet.
No one even realized how soon you two grew up.
Uncle, aunty, grandpathey all raised you together.
If you don't answer my questions correctly consider this wedding canceled.
First question.
How many beauty marks does Shahana have on her body? Your options are, A, 21.
B, 37 Or C, 19.
Your options are wrong.
It's 33.
She must respect her elders, touch our feet.
And we don't have this kissing culture.
Mom.
.
Tell herthere are a couple in places she cant see.
If you want you can count again and check.
Son, count properly.
These hotel people always increase the plate count.
Go honey.
Stop it.
Right answer.
Mom.
Is it done? Can I go? What is Shahana's favorite position? Missionary.
Why are you laughing? Ranjeet.
Ranjeet.
Leave it.
I'll do it.
She doesn't let you keep a new secretary.
Or she'll find a secretary that you can never get distracted by.
Are you drunk? NoJust a little happy-happy.
Shahana is very sensible.
She's just like you.
You did a great job, Sushi.
Are your wife and kids coming for the wedding? Yes.
.
.
.
tomorrow morning.
Goodnight.
No, it's yours.
Yes, it's mine.
Dare Time! Shahana has to call one of her exes and tell him that she still loves him.
I know exactly which one to call.
- No, no.
Ma'am, you said yes, you have do dare.
Cheering cheering I miss you.
I miss those evenings, those nights, those afternoons I think I still You think we could You know, kind of get together.
Now last dare for the night.
You have to manage a quickie before we finish eating this cake.
Shut up, okay.
Go run.
Run.
Hi.
What are you doing? If Mom I sent that cake as well.
I came to thank you.
Cool.
Now you.
.
- No, now you.
Have you gone mad.
Dad has a habit of wandering around Shahana, please.
Our party isn't over yet Okay, okaynot here.
Only three minutes left, your time starts now.
- Okay.
Okay.
Hey You Sisterfucker Pawan.
- Listen to me Stop it.
- You could you do that with my sister? What are you doing? Stop! Leave me! Is he your nephew? Nephew? But kissing on the lips? Mom, it must be a mistake.
It wasn't a mistake, Punnu.
I saw it myself.
They kissed deliberately.
That boy's screwed everything up.
Hold on! Hold on! How do you like it? - No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No, Gurpreet.
- Relax.
What is wrong with you? No! Are you out of your mind? What if someone drops in? And anyway, Pawan's mom is too scandalized I don't think this right.
Shahna, don't be a pussy.
Anyway, I'm going to lock this place down.
Andtoday evening we're going to have a bikini-themed bachelorette.
Are you crazy, Gurpreet.
- What? Pawan is not going to like all this.
Like it? I'd love it! Bang Baaja Baaraat Season 01 | Episode 02 Ori Look, I am really very sorry, Shahana.
Can we please, please, please be on the same page again? Okay.
Just a samplefor the bachelorette.
Is that a self-portrait, Mr.
Sharma? Becauseslightly disappointing? I'll show you the real one? You want to see the real one? You sure? Barkha.
Oh, God! What are you doing here? You were supposed to come tomorrow.
Please, I couldn't have travelled with those of idiots.
Yeah, yeah.
Hi.
- Hi.
Hi, sister-in-law.
Wasim, you? You're here too.
How was the trip? - Tiring.
I was saying, let's catch a train.
But your sister made me drive all the way here.
Who drives all the way here from Kanpur? Wellyou see - Hi, Wasim.
I've heard a lot about you.
What? That you two were really mischievous in your childhood.
Who are you talking about? I am Wasim.
Wasim Sheikh.
Hello.
Hello.
You scared the poor girl.
Who comes by-road? I mean Listen.
Yes, sir? Is there a well around here somewhere? Sorry, I didn't get you, sir.
Well? The place where we draw out water.
Sometimes people even in it to commit suicide.
They stand on the ledge and jump in.
Do you have one? No, sir.
You want water? No, no.
What do they call it in Marathi? Punnu told me once.
You are Maharashtian, right? In Marathi it's called Its an important ritual.
The groom's mother gets upset and sits at the well.
Wondering if the groom will forget all about his mother post his wedding and be stuck under his wife's skirt.
Mom, what are you saying? - I'm not saying anything wrong.
Only then does she gets off the ledge, understand.
Punnu, go find a well.
I'll get upset and sit there.
Then you can take the seven vows and I'll come back with you, okay? Mom.
Mom.
- What? You can make me take all the vows right here.
Where will he find a well? Even papa's been searching for a well since morning.
You've been dictating your own terms.
- Hello.
Yeah.
Okay.
Hello.
Stop arguing.
- I'm not arguing.
Where are you going? - What are you doing? I'll be right back.
Everything is happening at once - Oh, God.
Seeit's all because of you.
The city's completely ruined.
How much further? - Just a little further.
We're almost there.
Papa, papawhere are you going? - Stop running, son.
I'm only going to see that pond.
For the function.
No, no, someone's having a private party out there.
Sir, it's your party.
- Shut up.
You should've told him that he can't walk-in on someone's party.
Papa, that's the pool area.
Do you have any idea how expensive that is? They charge 5000 only to sitting there.
Have you lost your mind? 5000 rupees? The hotel people are swindling us.
Yes.
Come to the room, I've made all the arrangements for the function.
Bachelorette party.
Cheer's bitches.
Meaningdog.
Come, I'll explain everything to you.
You mean actual dogs and bitches.
What else do you expect in a big hotel like this? They're paying 5000 to cats and dogs.
Isn't my mother enough.
.
What is she doing there! Who is it? Who is it? Toothpaste.
I forgot mine Sir, it's ready.
You can check the temperature of the water.
Boss, we're not shooting a soap ad.
It's a ritual.
You go.
Go.
- Okay, sir.
Thank you.
It's done.
Comesit.
You can watch that newsreader of yours tomorrow.
Come now.
Just a minute, Roli.
You drown yourself, I am coming.
So listen, I've made a list of modern vows for a modern wedding.
Yeahfirst one.
You won't convert to half a Punjabi but she'll become a full Brahmin.
Meaningno meat.
Mom, I am a chef.
I run a continental restaurant.
I can't cook potato wedges.
I saw that wink.
And Punnu, if you don't agree to these terms, I will.
.
Fine, fine, I agree.
I am going.
I am going to die.
Careful.
Enough.
- That was just the first, now for the second.
The second vow.
We'll name your first child.
I will.
You've already turned into half Englishman.
God knows what name you'll come up with like Tom, Dick or Harry.
- Mom.
It's our kids, not yours alone.
Be quiet.
No one even realized how soon you two grew up.
Uncle, aunty, grandpathey all raised you together.
If you don't answer my questions correctly consider this wedding canceled.
First question.
How many beauty marks does Shahana have on her body? Your options are, A, 21.
B, 37 Or C, 19.
Your options are wrong.
It's 33.
She must respect her elders, touch our feet.
And we don't have this kissing culture.
Mom.
.
Tell herthere are a couple in places she cant see.
If you want you can count again and check.
Son, count properly.
These hotel people always increase the plate count.
Go honey.
Stop it.
Right answer.
Mom.
Is it done? Can I go? What is Shahana's favorite position? Missionary.
Why are you laughing? Ranjeet.
Ranjeet.
Leave it.
I'll do it.
She doesn't let you keep a new secretary.
Or she'll find a secretary that you can never get distracted by.
Are you drunk? NoJust a little happy-happy.
Shahana is very sensible.
She's just like you.
You did a great job, Sushi.
Are your wife and kids coming for the wedding? Yes.
.
.
.
tomorrow morning.
Goodnight.
No, it's yours.
Yes, it's mine.
Dare Time! Shahana has to call one of her exes and tell him that she still loves him.
I know exactly which one to call.
- No, no.
Ma'am, you said yes, you have do dare.
Cheering cheering I miss you.
I miss those evenings, those nights, those afternoons I think I still You think we could You know, kind of get together.
Now last dare for the night.
You have to manage a quickie before we finish eating this cake.
Shut up, okay.
Go run.
Run.
Hi.
What are you doing? If Mom I sent that cake as well.
I came to thank you.
Cool.
Now you.
.
- No, now you.
Have you gone mad.
Dad has a habit of wandering around Shahana, please.
Our party isn't over yet Okay, okaynot here.
Only three minutes left, your time starts now.
- Okay.
Okay.
Hey You Sisterfucker Pawan.
- Listen to me Stop it.
- You could you do that with my sister? What are you doing? Stop! Leave me! Is he your nephew? Nephew? But kissing on the lips? Mom, it must be a mistake.
It wasn't a mistake, Punnu.
I saw it myself.
They kissed deliberately.
That boy's screwed everything up.