Bent (2012) s01e02 Episode Script
Smitten
You're frustrated, aren't you, that we haven't done the deed.
Nobody's looking at the calendar here.
We are a month in.
So if that's any sort of milestone for you You know it's just logistics, right? We could always I'm not gonna have sex in your plane.
Okay.
Please? It's not safe.
I have autopilot, parachutes, and condoms.
It's safe.
It's gonna happen on the ground.
And it's gonna be mind-blowing.
Mind-blowing, huh? Way to undersell.
- What are you doing? - Working late.
Under the house.
Going the extra mile.
You dropped your phone through the hole in the kitchen floor again, huh? Maybe.
Hey, I found this old-school comb under there.
Dibs if that's cool.
Anything you find under the house you can keep, okay? I trust you'll be discrete about The weird no-sex thing? Yeah, I won't say a word.
Clem, on the other hand, is a huge gossip.
Who you calling a gossip? You told Sheila Enzer I got with her sister.
Sheila asked me a direct question, all right? I'm not gonna lie.
That would be a threat to my sobriety.
It's always a threat to your sobriety when it's juicy.
I didn't say anything about that doubles three-way you had with those folks down at the surf shop, did I? - Unbelievable.
- Unbelievable is right! Those folks were 45 years old.
What happened to the movie? Joffrey got scared and tossed his snack.
- Aw, reflux, buddy? - Diagnosed at two.
I don't know if I can in the game Saturday.
My heart's beating like a rabbit.
You can't skip another baseball game.
Man up! The other kids are talking.
Coach? I'll put you out in right field.
I coach the venice gondoliers.
Gooo gondos! You know, I It used to be my dad, but he's incarcerated.
Well, I'm sure he's gonna get out real soon.
Why? Did you hear he was coming home early? No, no.
Well, I'm not familiar with particulars of this case.
- She's messing with you.
- Okay.
Hazing the new guy.
Fair enough.
Can we go play Wii? - Sure.
- Well - If mom's good with that.
- Yeah.
Benjamin! Apologies for being debajo the house.
No conozco que tu hablas espanol.
Wha what? Hey, uh, between just us dudes Come again? I wanna tell you something between just us dudes.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
You've got Charlie issues.
She'll warm up to me.
She doesn't seem like a fan.
And Alex needs her to sign off before the deed happens, you know? 30 days.
Huh.
Um, between just us dudes, you got kinda dusty on your little comb hunt.
Sorry the whole plane sex thing got negged.
It's all good.
[Car alarms beeps.]
I still got a plane.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Beer? - And the coke? - Whoops.
Club soda.
Oh, uh, son, not to be a nudge, but remember I need a ride to my acting class tomorrow night.
I'm teaching again.
Gary'll take you.
Yes, of course I'll chauffer your dad.
I'm a carpenter's apprentice.
Excellent attitude, Gary.
Thank you, Gary.
Gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, I've been called into the game.
He's a 6'4" shooting guard.
The pride of venice out of itt tech.
Pete Riggins! Oh, God, I wish these jeans were tear-away.
Hey.
- Buy a guy a drink? - Excuse me? Fine, I'll buy you one.
[Nervous laugh.]
- Those are killer earrings.
- Thank you.
[Imitating.]
Those are killer earrings.
Natalie.
Has he invited you to check out the sunset on the roof yet? The view, like your earrings, is killer.
Care to join me? I'm the ex.
He gambled away my engagement ring.
In my defense, I had no intention of marrying her.
She's hot, but bipolar-y.
You, on the other hand, seem like a really - Later.
- [Trailing off.]
Oh, I feel bad.
Do I owe you a skank now? Are you ever gonna return my green shirt? - I love that shirt.
- Molly sleeps on it.
How is my dog? Looks more and more like you every day.
I heard you were dating a guy in Pasadena.
I didn't even think that was a real place.
Yeah.
It's full of cheating bastards.
Just like here.
Just so you know, I never cheated on you.
- Emotionally.
- Mm.
- Buy a guy a drink? - Really? Fine, I'll buy.
Heard you turned down airplane sex.
Clem mentioned it.
The worst part is Coming up on a year.
Oh, I've gone a year without airplane sex.
No, no.
No sex.
- This Saturday, a year.
- What? - Is that even safe? - It's actually extremely safe.
Okay.
You need to take some action.
I keep trying to, but Joffrey's killing me.
It's like the third time that kid's puked on my mojo.
You gotta get out of this house.
- Book a hotel room.
- An away game.
I like it.
I like it.
- Viceroy's good.
- Or a cute bed and breakfast.
Oh, God, no.
Alex, nobody wants banana Pancakes! How good would that be? After a night of lovin'.
Pancakes? Alex, really? That's what your body's craving? Molly.
[Crying.]
Hey! Why are you in your crying corner? I can't believe we slept together.
I'm so self-destructive.
Wait, are you talking about the same last night? I mean, that thing you did where you lifted me up, that was insane.
[Chuckles.]
I'm fine.
Don't feel like you have to stay or anything.
- Let's have dinner tonight.
- You don't have to do that.
It'll be great to catch up.
Sweet.
Ha! Ha, ha! Molly! Mwah! [Chuckles.]
Damn it! You had sex with Natalie.
We may rekindled last night and once again this morning.
- Come on, now! - Whoo.
You know you swimming into a rip current of tears, right? You only go back to her when you're in a bad place.
I'm in a good place.
Is it because Alex has a boyfriend? Is it because you're smitten? Who is smitten? Oh, nobody.
I was just trying out a white-person word.
Smitten.
Ha.
It's not for me.
Dog a new hire? Yeah, that's Gary's replacement.
Are you going to lock her in the porta-potty like you did me on my first day? Molly lives with my ex-girlfriend.
Oh, did we have degrading sex with the ex last night? Define degrading.
My bar is pretty high.
You're not in a good place.
Feeling fat in your wet suit.
I hear you and the red baron are going to a hotel room.
- Clem! - If I hold it in, it festers.
Actually, we're going to a bed and breakfast.
- Bad call.
- Old people.
Too quaint.
What's the latest on you fixing my sink? The part is coming in from tempe Arizona.
Well, let me know when it's in Venice California.
Smitten.
I've got a surprise for our friday date.
Me too.
I shot an email to Charlie, and I hope I didn't cross a line here, but, uh I invited her to hang out with us that night.
That's gonna be a little weird, 'cause I booked us a b&b.
I like your surprise better.
Why would you make plans with Charlie? Well, I just I thought you wanted me to get to know her better before we Have sex? That's a little creepy, Ben.
Ha, yeah, you're right.
I'll cancel on her.
I never do that.
Hello.
Welcome.
I don't mean to be a dick.
I appreciate the ride.
But classes are 25 bucks a pop.
25 bucks? Welcome, everyone.
Welcome to forged by fire, scene study with Walt Riggins.
- Why are you here? - Pete made me.
Shut the door! [Door slams.]
My driver.
You're here because you're gonna be actors.
And you are going on a journey.
A journey of a lifetime.
And it may indeed take a lifetime for you to reach your full potential As an actor.
I'm doing my best work now at 53.
What [Sigh.]
What can I give you? Here's what I can give you.
I can give you a safe space.
A place where you can get in touch With your original premise.
Because here, people Here, it's about you.
I've got a big commercial audition.
Who'd like to run lines with me? I prefer a female.
Okay, so it's my second year of medical school.
And, Charlie, you like gross stuff, right? Mm-hmm, I love it.
Okay, great.
You're gonna love this.
So, um, we're studding the thoracic wall.
Pericardium.
Blah, blah boring stuff.
But I'm psyched because we totally get to cut into the heart.
All right? So we cut and cut, and then I hold up, in my hand, the heart of a fetal pig.
How cool is that? You killed a pig? - No, no, it was already dead.
- Is that what "fetal" means? No, no, "fetal" is like a baby, only younger That's been taken from it's mom's I knew I should've gone with the story about the flip phone that I found in that guy's Anus.
No, not right either.
Somewhere between dead pig and this fellow's anus.
That's where you wanna be.
But you'll get it.
Aah! Oh, my God! Can you see if my Well, I'm leaving right now.
Okay.
Oh, my Ah, no.
I was just about to call you.
I got a crisis on the job.
We don't have to do this.
No.
No, no, no.
Don't go to the corner.
If you're seeing someone else, just say it.
'Cause I will find out.
I am not seeing anyone else.
What are you doing Saturday? You wanna do beach day? I would've been here sooner, but it's hard to ride your bike when you're drinking a milkshake.
Toss that for me? Crackerjack job on the sink, there, buddy.
What time's the stove set to detonate? This baby just came in from tempe.
Liar.
You forgot to order it.
- Clem told you? - No, you just did.
- Damn it.
- Really? A motorcycle.
- Top gun for you? - I love motorcycles.
- No, you don't.
- Most women do.
No, they don't.
Had a guy come into the E.
R.
Motorcycle crash.
Lost all his skin.
You could see his femur.
Ben.
Okay, excellent assisting, Chuck.
Thank you.
Nice wing.
I was all city, venice high.
Class of '96.
Asterisk ged.
- How we doing in here? - We need a pitcher.
The coach is supposed to do it, but mom keep beaning the kids.
Yeah, they keep crowding the plate.
So how about coming to my game tomorrow? Sure.
[Sigh.]
I keep pulling a lot of balls foul.
Well, you're probably stepping into the bucket.
I might be able to help.
Led the ivies in ribis.
Power from both sides of the plate.
Switch hitter.
No comment, too easy.
You played baseball at dartmouth? Well, when I wasn't chugging natty lights in the basement of Chi Gam.
Chi Gam? I feel like I went there for a winter carnival and they had flooded the basement.
And turned it into an ice rink.
Yes! That's so crazy! I can't believe you were there.
I was.
I mean, I don't remember anything.
- A word, please.
- I'm kinda busy right now.
It'll just take a minute.
[Mouthing words.]
[Clears throat.]
You're welcome.
The whole fake geyser thing to save you from the horrible date.
Hey, you're delusional.
And you're not pulling off that jacket.
I think we both know that's a lie.
Oh, and by the by, he's not a closer.
Yeah, no, I'm not feeling him.
[Motorcycle revving.]
Oh, it's gonna happen.
- I can't hear you.
- Sex with Ben will happen.
And it'll probably be amazing.
Damn, I flooded it.
Probably be amazing? When did we downgrade to "probably"? A little respect.
A client is talking to her contractor.
- What's up, babe? - Stay out of my sex life.
What sex life? Oh! [Laughing.]
Ugh! Are you aiming at this? What do you think I'm doing wrong? - Pitching.
- Ben had a tough night.
- Are you off Ben? - No.
He tried to wow Charlie with this med school story that ends up in this weird pig abortion area.
Hmm.
You know who's great with Charlie? Why are you obsessed with Pete? Look at him, he's incredible.
What a specimen.
Okay, he's not doing himself any favors right now.
Hey, Riggins! That's a hose, not an outdoor shower.
Just ridiculous! [Glass shatters.]
I'll shoot you an estimate.
Thank you.
Went very well, Gary.
Very well.
Oh, Lawrence.
Is that what you're wearing? No, I'm just kidding.
You carry it off.
To the xterra.
Hey, are you up? Are you auditioning? - Oh, no, no, he's my driver.
- I'm a carpenter.
Apprentice.
- A genuine carpenter.
- Apprentice.
Hmm, he's young, but a different way to go.
Do you have a second to come talk with us? Sure.
Um um Come to think of it, I can do it without the, uh, Southern twang.
I don't um, you know, we have to get going.
Got your text.
What's going on? He was crying, so I felt weird just leaving him.
Ha, 45 years I have honed my craft, and they give it to that kid? - I mean, what's he done? - Nothing.
No-thing! Grease in High School.
But the chorus.
Chorus.
Dad, you wanna switch to beer? You know, it's 1:00 P.
M.
Get that Ginger Judas out of here please.
I feel like maybe I messed up a little bit.
No, you nailed it.
Well, this is technically overtime.
But that's a Monday discussion.
It's what you do, you know.
Thief.
Remember that time I visited you on the set of China beach? I played a blind mechanic.
They asked you back for six episodes.
There would've been more but Dana Delany and I had a thing.
It never consummated, but [Exhales.]
it distracted her.
Mm.
I have a ton of memories like that.
Ah, thanks for trying to buck me up, son, but, you know, I don't need to be led down memory Lane.
Remember Herman's head? Thank you.
I do.
Crap, dad.
I gotta go to Charlie's game.
But we're gonna hang when I get back, okay? Okay, but, hey, don't get thrown out.
Remember, you used to always get thrown out.
I do.
Yeah, you'd come home.
You were all Just frustrated.
Your eyes were all red.
Well, I was high, dad, you know.
I was always high.
Remember that time I played that drug addict on picket fences? Yeah.
Yeah, no, I do.
That's it, guys.
That's the way we do it, all right.
All the way left, buddy.
Let's go! Let's go, look sharp! All right, gondoliers, we got two down, two down! Nice snag on that one-hopper, Charlie, all right? Hey, joffrey.
It's just a gnat, okay? Hang in there, all right? That'll be all, Ben.
- Here comes the heat.
- I got this.
Why don't you go look for a hairbrush underneath the bleachers, huh? It's the fifth inning.
Hey, I had a crisis with my dad.
- Did you get my text? - Liar.
I swear to I texted you.
Ever since my phone dropped under the house, it's been acting sketchy.
Just give me the rock.
- Have you been drinking? - Nope.
- Seriously.
- One beer.
And another one after that.
But I'm good.
Oh, he's muscle memorized the dui test.
Yeah, let's put him around kids.
If anything, I'm looser.
Look, guys, I didn't even do - Uh-oh.
- Forget about our date? Hmm? Your dad told me you were here.
- Mom, what's going on? - I got this, Charlie.
What is going on? - Don't worry about it.
- Don't worry about it? - Who's Daisy Duke? - What'd you say to me? That sounded mostly like a compliment to me.
I was Is this the emergency you had last night? I had to fix a pipe.
Now you're pitching at her kid's game.
- You bastard! - Hey, hey, hey! Looked worse than it was.
Wearing flip-flops! Could you guys please take your domestic dispute off the field.
I can't believe you're banging another client.
What? God, no! I'm not having sex with her.
And just "no" is fine.
Who's banging who? Nothing but ear, nothing but ear.
Come on, Molly.
Let's go.
She seems great.
Can somebody just pitch, please? Give him the rock.
Now.
Hit the showers, mate.
Two down, gondoliers! Two down! Let's go, let's look sharp! You threw a no-hitter.
Even against kids, that's still pretty hot.
Yeah, well, I just wanna thank God, my teammates.
Especially joffrey.
Did it for the sex, didn't you? We are 36 days in.
I would've bought Charlie a car.
She's at Screwsie's.
[Phone chimes.]
Hold that thought.
Everything all right? Yeah, it's just a text from Pete.
On a Saturday night? Actually it's from this afternoon.
His phone's sketchy.
Is there something going on with you guys? What? Well, his ex seems to think so.
Who cares what she thinks? Did you see that body by the way? It's, like, so lean.
What do you even hold onto Other then the big boobs? You didn't answer my question.
I'm not into Pete.
Are we gonna do this, or what? Call me tomorrow.
Seriously? And then she slapped me.
I don't know, Natalie and I together are just chaos.
And that's not a good ride for me anymore.
So I thought I should come to a meeting.
Uh-oh.
Pipe wrench, please.
It's not even close.
Pinot, please.
It's after midnight.
I went a year without sex.
Oh, that can't be safe.
It's actually extremely safe.
It sucks.
You know, most of the time I'm a pretty good influence on Chuck.
Yeah, you should open a charter school.
She's more resilient than you think.
You're telling me about my kid? Just one contractor's opinion.
How come you can't go ten seconds without saying something annoying? You inspire me.
Pipe's done.
Did you fix it right this time? Wasn't even broken.
What? Really? Really.
It's almost as if someone called me at midnight with ulterior motives.
Why didn't you tell me about Ben? - What? - I worked here for, like, a week.
- You never talked about him.
- Never came up.
Who's the liar now? No! God, no.
Just "no" is fine.
- I just can't - You want to, but can't.
No, I get it.
No, get over yourself.
That's not what I said.
I was cheated on, and I'm not gonna cheat on Ben.
So if Ben wasn't in the picture? Just take the no.
Sounds like a no with an asterisk.
- It's not.
- Like a diploma.
No, I'm not interested.
Text me later when you change your mind.
Not gonna happen.
My phone's still sketchy.
So don't freak if I take a while to hit you back.
Wow.
[Engine revving.]
Damn it! I flooded it.
Ha, look at them.
And the director said I might even get a trailer.
Those two are smitten.
Smitten.
[laughs.]
I like it now.
You're so funny.
What what the hell? That's for Golden State Hardware, bitch! Really?
Nobody's looking at the calendar here.
We are a month in.
So if that's any sort of milestone for you You know it's just logistics, right? We could always I'm not gonna have sex in your plane.
Okay.
Please? It's not safe.
I have autopilot, parachutes, and condoms.
It's safe.
It's gonna happen on the ground.
And it's gonna be mind-blowing.
Mind-blowing, huh? Way to undersell.
- What are you doing? - Working late.
Under the house.
Going the extra mile.
You dropped your phone through the hole in the kitchen floor again, huh? Maybe.
Hey, I found this old-school comb under there.
Dibs if that's cool.
Anything you find under the house you can keep, okay? I trust you'll be discrete about The weird no-sex thing? Yeah, I won't say a word.
Clem, on the other hand, is a huge gossip.
Who you calling a gossip? You told Sheila Enzer I got with her sister.
Sheila asked me a direct question, all right? I'm not gonna lie.
That would be a threat to my sobriety.
It's always a threat to your sobriety when it's juicy.
I didn't say anything about that doubles three-way you had with those folks down at the surf shop, did I? - Unbelievable.
- Unbelievable is right! Those folks were 45 years old.
What happened to the movie? Joffrey got scared and tossed his snack.
- Aw, reflux, buddy? - Diagnosed at two.
I don't know if I can in the game Saturday.
My heart's beating like a rabbit.
You can't skip another baseball game.
Man up! The other kids are talking.
Coach? I'll put you out in right field.
I coach the venice gondoliers.
Gooo gondos! You know, I It used to be my dad, but he's incarcerated.
Well, I'm sure he's gonna get out real soon.
Why? Did you hear he was coming home early? No, no.
Well, I'm not familiar with particulars of this case.
- She's messing with you.
- Okay.
Hazing the new guy.
Fair enough.
Can we go play Wii? - Sure.
- Well - If mom's good with that.
- Yeah.
Benjamin! Apologies for being debajo the house.
No conozco que tu hablas espanol.
Wha what? Hey, uh, between just us dudes Come again? I wanna tell you something between just us dudes.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
You've got Charlie issues.
She'll warm up to me.
She doesn't seem like a fan.
And Alex needs her to sign off before the deed happens, you know? 30 days.
Huh.
Um, between just us dudes, you got kinda dusty on your little comb hunt.
Sorry the whole plane sex thing got negged.
It's all good.
[Car alarms beeps.]
I still got a plane.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Beer? - And the coke? - Whoops.
Club soda.
Oh, uh, son, not to be a nudge, but remember I need a ride to my acting class tomorrow night.
I'm teaching again.
Gary'll take you.
Yes, of course I'll chauffer your dad.
I'm a carpenter's apprentice.
Excellent attitude, Gary.
Thank you, Gary.
Gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, I've been called into the game.
He's a 6'4" shooting guard.
The pride of venice out of itt tech.
Pete Riggins! Oh, God, I wish these jeans were tear-away.
Hey.
- Buy a guy a drink? - Excuse me? Fine, I'll buy you one.
[Nervous laugh.]
- Those are killer earrings.
- Thank you.
[Imitating.]
Those are killer earrings.
Natalie.
Has he invited you to check out the sunset on the roof yet? The view, like your earrings, is killer.
Care to join me? I'm the ex.
He gambled away my engagement ring.
In my defense, I had no intention of marrying her.
She's hot, but bipolar-y.
You, on the other hand, seem like a really - Later.
- [Trailing off.]
Oh, I feel bad.
Do I owe you a skank now? Are you ever gonna return my green shirt? - I love that shirt.
- Molly sleeps on it.
How is my dog? Looks more and more like you every day.
I heard you were dating a guy in Pasadena.
I didn't even think that was a real place.
Yeah.
It's full of cheating bastards.
Just like here.
Just so you know, I never cheated on you.
- Emotionally.
- Mm.
- Buy a guy a drink? - Really? Fine, I'll buy.
Heard you turned down airplane sex.
Clem mentioned it.
The worst part is Coming up on a year.
Oh, I've gone a year without airplane sex.
No, no.
No sex.
- This Saturday, a year.
- What? - Is that even safe? - It's actually extremely safe.
Okay.
You need to take some action.
I keep trying to, but Joffrey's killing me.
It's like the third time that kid's puked on my mojo.
You gotta get out of this house.
- Book a hotel room.
- An away game.
I like it.
I like it.
- Viceroy's good.
- Or a cute bed and breakfast.
Oh, God, no.
Alex, nobody wants banana Pancakes! How good would that be? After a night of lovin'.
Pancakes? Alex, really? That's what your body's craving? Molly.
[Crying.]
Hey! Why are you in your crying corner? I can't believe we slept together.
I'm so self-destructive.
Wait, are you talking about the same last night? I mean, that thing you did where you lifted me up, that was insane.
[Chuckles.]
I'm fine.
Don't feel like you have to stay or anything.
- Let's have dinner tonight.
- You don't have to do that.
It'll be great to catch up.
Sweet.
Ha! Ha, ha! Molly! Mwah! [Chuckles.]
Damn it! You had sex with Natalie.
We may rekindled last night and once again this morning.
- Come on, now! - Whoo.
You know you swimming into a rip current of tears, right? You only go back to her when you're in a bad place.
I'm in a good place.
Is it because Alex has a boyfriend? Is it because you're smitten? Who is smitten? Oh, nobody.
I was just trying out a white-person word.
Smitten.
Ha.
It's not for me.
Dog a new hire? Yeah, that's Gary's replacement.
Are you going to lock her in the porta-potty like you did me on my first day? Molly lives with my ex-girlfriend.
Oh, did we have degrading sex with the ex last night? Define degrading.
My bar is pretty high.
You're not in a good place.
Feeling fat in your wet suit.
I hear you and the red baron are going to a hotel room.
- Clem! - If I hold it in, it festers.
Actually, we're going to a bed and breakfast.
- Bad call.
- Old people.
Too quaint.
What's the latest on you fixing my sink? The part is coming in from tempe Arizona.
Well, let me know when it's in Venice California.
Smitten.
I've got a surprise for our friday date.
Me too.
I shot an email to Charlie, and I hope I didn't cross a line here, but, uh I invited her to hang out with us that night.
That's gonna be a little weird, 'cause I booked us a b&b.
I like your surprise better.
Why would you make plans with Charlie? Well, I just I thought you wanted me to get to know her better before we Have sex? That's a little creepy, Ben.
Ha, yeah, you're right.
I'll cancel on her.
I never do that.
Hello.
Welcome.
I don't mean to be a dick.
I appreciate the ride.
But classes are 25 bucks a pop.
25 bucks? Welcome, everyone.
Welcome to forged by fire, scene study with Walt Riggins.
- Why are you here? - Pete made me.
Shut the door! [Door slams.]
My driver.
You're here because you're gonna be actors.
And you are going on a journey.
A journey of a lifetime.
And it may indeed take a lifetime for you to reach your full potential As an actor.
I'm doing my best work now at 53.
What [Sigh.]
What can I give you? Here's what I can give you.
I can give you a safe space.
A place where you can get in touch With your original premise.
Because here, people Here, it's about you.
I've got a big commercial audition.
Who'd like to run lines with me? I prefer a female.
Okay, so it's my second year of medical school.
And, Charlie, you like gross stuff, right? Mm-hmm, I love it.
Okay, great.
You're gonna love this.
So, um, we're studding the thoracic wall.
Pericardium.
Blah, blah boring stuff.
But I'm psyched because we totally get to cut into the heart.
All right? So we cut and cut, and then I hold up, in my hand, the heart of a fetal pig.
How cool is that? You killed a pig? - No, no, it was already dead.
- Is that what "fetal" means? No, no, "fetal" is like a baby, only younger That's been taken from it's mom's I knew I should've gone with the story about the flip phone that I found in that guy's Anus.
No, not right either.
Somewhere between dead pig and this fellow's anus.
That's where you wanna be.
But you'll get it.
Aah! Oh, my God! Can you see if my Well, I'm leaving right now.
Okay.
Oh, my Ah, no.
I was just about to call you.
I got a crisis on the job.
We don't have to do this.
No.
No, no, no.
Don't go to the corner.
If you're seeing someone else, just say it.
'Cause I will find out.
I am not seeing anyone else.
What are you doing Saturday? You wanna do beach day? I would've been here sooner, but it's hard to ride your bike when you're drinking a milkshake.
Toss that for me? Crackerjack job on the sink, there, buddy.
What time's the stove set to detonate? This baby just came in from tempe.
Liar.
You forgot to order it.
- Clem told you? - No, you just did.
- Damn it.
- Really? A motorcycle.
- Top gun for you? - I love motorcycles.
- No, you don't.
- Most women do.
No, they don't.
Had a guy come into the E.
R.
Motorcycle crash.
Lost all his skin.
You could see his femur.
Ben.
Okay, excellent assisting, Chuck.
Thank you.
Nice wing.
I was all city, venice high.
Class of '96.
Asterisk ged.
- How we doing in here? - We need a pitcher.
The coach is supposed to do it, but mom keep beaning the kids.
Yeah, they keep crowding the plate.
So how about coming to my game tomorrow? Sure.
[Sigh.]
I keep pulling a lot of balls foul.
Well, you're probably stepping into the bucket.
I might be able to help.
Led the ivies in ribis.
Power from both sides of the plate.
Switch hitter.
No comment, too easy.
You played baseball at dartmouth? Well, when I wasn't chugging natty lights in the basement of Chi Gam.
Chi Gam? I feel like I went there for a winter carnival and they had flooded the basement.
And turned it into an ice rink.
Yes! That's so crazy! I can't believe you were there.
I was.
I mean, I don't remember anything.
- A word, please.
- I'm kinda busy right now.
It'll just take a minute.
[Mouthing words.]
[Clears throat.]
You're welcome.
The whole fake geyser thing to save you from the horrible date.
Hey, you're delusional.
And you're not pulling off that jacket.
I think we both know that's a lie.
Oh, and by the by, he's not a closer.
Yeah, no, I'm not feeling him.
[Motorcycle revving.]
Oh, it's gonna happen.
- I can't hear you.
- Sex with Ben will happen.
And it'll probably be amazing.
Damn, I flooded it.
Probably be amazing? When did we downgrade to "probably"? A little respect.
A client is talking to her contractor.
- What's up, babe? - Stay out of my sex life.
What sex life? Oh! [Laughing.]
Ugh! Are you aiming at this? What do you think I'm doing wrong? - Pitching.
- Ben had a tough night.
- Are you off Ben? - No.
He tried to wow Charlie with this med school story that ends up in this weird pig abortion area.
Hmm.
You know who's great with Charlie? Why are you obsessed with Pete? Look at him, he's incredible.
What a specimen.
Okay, he's not doing himself any favors right now.
Hey, Riggins! That's a hose, not an outdoor shower.
Just ridiculous! [Glass shatters.]
I'll shoot you an estimate.
Thank you.
Went very well, Gary.
Very well.
Oh, Lawrence.
Is that what you're wearing? No, I'm just kidding.
You carry it off.
To the xterra.
Hey, are you up? Are you auditioning? - Oh, no, no, he's my driver.
- I'm a carpenter.
Apprentice.
- A genuine carpenter.
- Apprentice.
Hmm, he's young, but a different way to go.
Do you have a second to come talk with us? Sure.
Um um Come to think of it, I can do it without the, uh, Southern twang.
I don't um, you know, we have to get going.
Got your text.
What's going on? He was crying, so I felt weird just leaving him.
Ha, 45 years I have honed my craft, and they give it to that kid? - I mean, what's he done? - Nothing.
No-thing! Grease in High School.
But the chorus.
Chorus.
Dad, you wanna switch to beer? You know, it's 1:00 P.
M.
Get that Ginger Judas out of here please.
I feel like maybe I messed up a little bit.
No, you nailed it.
Well, this is technically overtime.
But that's a Monday discussion.
It's what you do, you know.
Thief.
Remember that time I visited you on the set of China beach? I played a blind mechanic.
They asked you back for six episodes.
There would've been more but Dana Delany and I had a thing.
It never consummated, but [Exhales.]
it distracted her.
Mm.
I have a ton of memories like that.
Ah, thanks for trying to buck me up, son, but, you know, I don't need to be led down memory Lane.
Remember Herman's head? Thank you.
I do.
Crap, dad.
I gotta go to Charlie's game.
But we're gonna hang when I get back, okay? Okay, but, hey, don't get thrown out.
Remember, you used to always get thrown out.
I do.
Yeah, you'd come home.
You were all Just frustrated.
Your eyes were all red.
Well, I was high, dad, you know.
I was always high.
Remember that time I played that drug addict on picket fences? Yeah.
Yeah, no, I do.
That's it, guys.
That's the way we do it, all right.
All the way left, buddy.
Let's go! Let's go, look sharp! All right, gondoliers, we got two down, two down! Nice snag on that one-hopper, Charlie, all right? Hey, joffrey.
It's just a gnat, okay? Hang in there, all right? That'll be all, Ben.
- Here comes the heat.
- I got this.
Why don't you go look for a hairbrush underneath the bleachers, huh? It's the fifth inning.
Hey, I had a crisis with my dad.
- Did you get my text? - Liar.
I swear to I texted you.
Ever since my phone dropped under the house, it's been acting sketchy.
Just give me the rock.
- Have you been drinking? - Nope.
- Seriously.
- One beer.
And another one after that.
But I'm good.
Oh, he's muscle memorized the dui test.
Yeah, let's put him around kids.
If anything, I'm looser.
Look, guys, I didn't even do - Uh-oh.
- Forget about our date? Hmm? Your dad told me you were here.
- Mom, what's going on? - I got this, Charlie.
What is going on? - Don't worry about it.
- Don't worry about it? - Who's Daisy Duke? - What'd you say to me? That sounded mostly like a compliment to me.
I was Is this the emergency you had last night? I had to fix a pipe.
Now you're pitching at her kid's game.
- You bastard! - Hey, hey, hey! Looked worse than it was.
Wearing flip-flops! Could you guys please take your domestic dispute off the field.
I can't believe you're banging another client.
What? God, no! I'm not having sex with her.
And just "no" is fine.
Who's banging who? Nothing but ear, nothing but ear.
Come on, Molly.
Let's go.
She seems great.
Can somebody just pitch, please? Give him the rock.
Now.
Hit the showers, mate.
Two down, gondoliers! Two down! Let's go, let's look sharp! You threw a no-hitter.
Even against kids, that's still pretty hot.
Yeah, well, I just wanna thank God, my teammates.
Especially joffrey.
Did it for the sex, didn't you? We are 36 days in.
I would've bought Charlie a car.
She's at Screwsie's.
[Phone chimes.]
Hold that thought.
Everything all right? Yeah, it's just a text from Pete.
On a Saturday night? Actually it's from this afternoon.
His phone's sketchy.
Is there something going on with you guys? What? Well, his ex seems to think so.
Who cares what she thinks? Did you see that body by the way? It's, like, so lean.
What do you even hold onto Other then the big boobs? You didn't answer my question.
I'm not into Pete.
Are we gonna do this, or what? Call me tomorrow.
Seriously? And then she slapped me.
I don't know, Natalie and I together are just chaos.
And that's not a good ride for me anymore.
So I thought I should come to a meeting.
Uh-oh.
Pipe wrench, please.
It's not even close.
Pinot, please.
It's after midnight.
I went a year without sex.
Oh, that can't be safe.
It's actually extremely safe.
It sucks.
You know, most of the time I'm a pretty good influence on Chuck.
Yeah, you should open a charter school.
She's more resilient than you think.
You're telling me about my kid? Just one contractor's opinion.
How come you can't go ten seconds without saying something annoying? You inspire me.
Pipe's done.
Did you fix it right this time? Wasn't even broken.
What? Really? Really.
It's almost as if someone called me at midnight with ulterior motives.
Why didn't you tell me about Ben? - What? - I worked here for, like, a week.
- You never talked about him.
- Never came up.
Who's the liar now? No! God, no.
Just "no" is fine.
- I just can't - You want to, but can't.
No, I get it.
No, get over yourself.
That's not what I said.
I was cheated on, and I'm not gonna cheat on Ben.
So if Ben wasn't in the picture? Just take the no.
Sounds like a no with an asterisk.
- It's not.
- Like a diploma.
No, I'm not interested.
Text me later when you change your mind.
Not gonna happen.
My phone's still sketchy.
So don't freak if I take a while to hit you back.
Wow.
[Engine revving.]
Damn it! I flooded it.
Ha, look at them.
And the director said I might even get a trailer.
Those two are smitten.
Smitten.
[laughs.]
I like it now.
You're so funny.
What what the hell? That's for Golden State Hardware, bitch! Really?