Britannia High (2008) s01e02 Episode Script
Behind the Mask
Go, go, go It's time to make the move and we both know It's time to step it up a notch ??? Now, I've never really liked Tom Stoppard.
I find him quite dense.
Maybe I'm dense.
Who knows? One or the other.
.
.
at the main intersection, up is where we go from here Finest selection, this could take us anywhere I don't want protection Life is better off the line, line Stravinsky.
One of our most influential musicians.
And the ground isn't good enough for me I know where to find what I want And I will keep on Keep on Up, up Hurry up.
We're going to be late for music theory.
No.
Oh, come on.
It's not that bad.
Hey.
You should go for that.
Who's going to vote for me? I would, for a start.
You're so right for First Year Rep.
I don't think it's quite your bag.
It's basically a popularity contest.
Yet you're going for it.
Why not? ??It's like Mean Girls but actually happening.
Surprised you're not going for it, Danny.
Nah, it's not for me.
Hi.
Hi, ladies.
We're campaigning for Danny Miller.
You know? The cutie with the booty just You know, Danny with the hair.
Good old Danny boy's going to get the shock of his life.
He is.
This could be the start of something I can feel my heart is jumping Want to walk but can't stop running I can't stop running Good to be a part of something Once upon a time was nothing This could be the start of something This could be the start of something good Britannia High S01 EP02 I can give you what you want I can make you ice cream We could be a sweet team melting in your vice dreams, sport The exact type of chord can be modified, giving a different feeling to Danny, will you pay attention? I was.
What was the last thing I said? Danny, will you pay attention.
Seeing as you know everything about chord structure, ??give us an example of a melodic minor ascending on the piano.
It seems today that all you see Is violence in movies and sex on TV But where are those good old-fashioned values? On which we used to rely? All right, Danny.
Lucky there's a family guy Lucky there's a man who positively can do All the things that makes us laugh and cry He's a family guy Yeah! All right, everyone.
Thank you very much for that.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Not you, Danny.
Does anyone get the feeling Anna's not a fan of post-modern animated cult TV? He's got bigger cojones than me.
??? Do you even know what cojones are? Some kind of Mexican food? I never really understood.
?? - Canteen.
- No, we've got a radio show to do.
- I need to yam, man.
- Yam? Yeah.
Eat, scoff, trough.
Crazy.
It's like another language.
What's this? Salami and red pepper on ciabatta.
Some of us think ahead.
?? I was just having a laugh.
Forget the song.
Danny, you're a great musician.
Bags of potential.
But the minute we touch on theory, you just switch off.
I just wanna play.
You know, all this theory work, it drives me mad.
I understand, but unfortunately for you, it's part of the syllabus.
And I'm still waiting for that essay.
About the dead foreign bloke.
Yeah.
Stravinsky.
Bless you.
Look, I'm sorry.
It's my computer.
It's Use a school computer.
You've got till the end of the week.
Hiya.
Caesar salad, I think.
- No anchovies.
- Right.
Or croutons.
OK.
And hold the dressing.
Just lettuce, then? Perfect.
And a pasty.
Did she read you the riot act? Nothing I can't handle.
Come on, Dan.
We can do this the easy way or the hard way.
I'm cool.
Honest.
Fine.
Do you want your break? OK.
No, it's this essay.
Stravinsky.
Is that all? You'd probably done it 20 minutes after it was given out.
Look, I'm not worried if I fail music theory.
No, you know you have to pass theory.
I'll help you, if you like.
- Really? - Of course.
You're not going to turn me into some swat like you, are you? I'm good, but I'm not that good.
I could smooth over some of those rough edges, though.
So, you want to change me now? You'll thank me for it in the end.
Face facts, Danny.
I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you.
Hey, yeah Thought I was The kind who had to learn to lose Thought I was A man who'd seen the things he needed to But you're so sweet now So sweet now Make me think in different ways When I stepped outside Opened my eyes for a better view Much finer place Something better So brand-new It's like some kind of fever I don't wanna lose This sensation to settle my blues Take a look into my eyes You'll see the face of change in there Yeah, hey Hey, yeah Oh-oh-oh Maybe I've been Looking for the wrong kind of heart and soul Maybe I've been Fighting too hard with my self control But you're so free now So free now You liberate those lonely days I feel alive Something better So brand-new It's like some kind of fever I don't wanna lose It's a new sensation Settle my blues Take a look at A look at A look, cos there's something better So brand-new It's like some kind of fever I don't wanna lose It's a new sensation To settle my blues Oh, my blues When you're reaching out your hand You'll feel the touch of change in me Who-oh-oh-ay-yeah Who-oh-oh-ay-yeah! And you know just who I am, changing me When you're reaching out your hand, changing me Yeah, you know just who I am, changing me When you're reaching out your hand, changing me Yeah, you know just who I am, changing me ?? OK.
Can I have your attention, please? Votes are in for the new First Year Rep.
And the four students who are nominated are in no particular order, Darren Quinn - - Who? - Yes! - Lauren Waters.
- Yes.
Claudine Cameron and Danny Miller.
I never even went for it.
Is this you guys? It was a tough campaign, but we came through.
I don't wanna be rep.
Which makes this so amusing.
Elections are Friday.
Each candidate has three minutes to make a speech and whatever else to impress.
Be daring.
Show us what you've got.
He means talent.
I've just had some other very exciting news.
??Nicola and Kimberley from Girls Aloud will be joining us as our special guests next week.
They've very kindly agreed to do a Q & A session, which will provide an invaluable insight into what it takes to succeed in this business.
Furthermore, the session will be chaired by the new First Year Rep, who will join me and the girls afterwards for dinner.
I don't believe it.
If that's not incentive enough to win, I don't know what is.
Good luck to all of you.
Well, thanks, lads.
You know, it'd be nice to do my bit.
Represent the school.
You think you've got it in the bag, don't you? I might surprise you and whip both your butts.
Well, ladies, looks like we've got a fight on our hands.
So, Friday's the big day, people.
Remember, it's your student rep, and your vote counts.
But first,?? we've got the tiniest confession to make.
Remember how we were campaigning for Danny Miller? - We may have made a mistake.
- May have.
We thought he'd appreciate the challenge.
But We realise he'd probably be the worst rep in history.
- He's lazy -Indolent That's not true.
He laughed so hard one time, he nearly had an accident.
No, that's incontinent.
Indolent is another word.
Don't worry about it.
If I can't have you Is that what you're doing for the election? Was it OK? Safe, babe.
Don't you think doing a Whitney number is a teensy bit X-Factor? What's your big idea, then? I'm going the classy route, naturally.
I'm reading a very beautiful, very moving poem.
If, by Kipling.
Well, he does make exceedingly good cakes.
What are you going to do, Danny? Sing? Fling foot? What? I don't know.
Might just flash 'em my mega-watt smile and hope for the best.
Do you want to get started on that Stravinsky? I talk, you type? What every girl wants to hear.
Definitely going to keep it in that lower key, Lola.
?? The high notes kill me.
OK.
Cool.
??I'm going go for a long, hot bath.
Make myself beautiful.
You're already beautiful.
You're just saying that.
Stand there.
Let me have a look at you.
Turn to the left a bit.
Well? Keep very still.
I'll only be a couple of hours.
Oh, we shouldn't really be doing this.
I know, but now we're political rivals, maybe you should be out there canvassing.
I think we've got work to do.
Stravinsky? It's such a downer, though.
Who actually cares about dead composers? We're here to perform.
I think it's called an education.
All these essays.
I thought I'd be done with all that when I left school.
Got no choice, though, have we, if we wanna stay here? Apparently, the theory stuff gets really full-on next term.
What did you mean, I should be out there canvassing? What about you? I'll just see what happens.
You're just saying that cos you so know you're going to lose.
Ah, so, you think you're going to beat me, do you? Trust me, brains over beauty.
Oh, yeah? Right, loser.
Let's get back to dead composers.
No, Cabaret and Chicago have more than stood the test of time.
I mean, if Bob Fosse can make it from chorus to creating these massive - Thanks, everybody.
Good luck to those going for First Year Rep.
ErDanny, Everything all right? You've been somewhere else for the last hour.
Yeah, sorry.
Just thinking about the election.
Anna mentioned you've fallen behind with your theory work.
You still owe her an essay.
I've done it now.
It's all under control.
If you're struggling now, maybe First Year Rep's not such a good idea.
I'm not struggling.
It's a lot of extra work on top of what you've got.
I can handle it, yeah? It's cool.
Good.
Here's your essay.
Stop slagging me off to the other teachers, yeah? People may not understand that a light shines so brightly Oh, so brightly A light shines brightly Through - Thanks.
- Thank you for that song from your work-in-progress, Ant And Dec - The Musical.
Right.
Your next candidate - Lauren.
Start the clock.
Come on.
Hi.
I know some of you don't know me, but ermI believe passionately in this school, and I'll be as loyal to you as my Billy, Barney and Bobby are to me.
They're my dogs at home.
Oh, my God.
Anyway, I hope you like this.
Share my life Take me for what I am Cos I'll never change My colours for you Take my love I'll never ask for too much Just all that you are Can't wait for her to really hit those high notes.
I don't really need to look very much further I don't wanna have to go where you don't follow I won't hold it back again This passion inside I can't run from myself There's nowhere to hide But don't make me close one more door Key goes up again, doesn't it? Stay in my arms if you dare Or must I imagine you there Don't walk away from me I have nothing, nothing, nothing Thank you, Lauren.
Thank you.
Amazing high notes.
OK.
Next up, Claudine.
Start the clock.
Well, you all know me.
So, I'm sure you all know what a superb rep I'd make for you.
I'd like to read If, by Rudyard Kipling.
Erm Yeah.
If.
If you keep your head While all around are losing theirs Thenyou'll probably be OK.
Andif I get chosen, I vow to use my powers only for good.
And you know, I also believe children are the future.
Teach them well, and let them lead the way.
It's not exactly I Have A Dream.
Anyhow, the upshot is, vote me.
I'm great.
Boo! Thanks, Claudine.
I haven't seen anyone die quite so spectacularly since the last act of Romeo and Juliet.
Danny, a word.
Your next and final candidate, Danny.
Sorry.
It's me.
I'm the fizzy in a bottle, I'm about to go pop There's a buzzing in my bones and it will not stop I'm the cat that got the cream, now I'm drinking it up It's a moment of glory I'm a jack, I'm on a spring, jumping out of the box Got my money in my pocket and the race is hot Got my best shoes on and coming out of the blocks It's a moment of glory It's such a wonderful story It's the one and only I'm the man He's the man I'm the martyred poet, I'm the libertine I'm the prime-time viewing on your TV screen I'm a conversation round a coffee cup I'm a You Tube video, look me up It's such a wonderful story It's a one-and-only I'm the man He's the man I'm the man He's the man I'm the man Oh, I'm the man He's the man He's the man I'm the man He's the man He's the man I'm the man He's the man I'm the man He's the man I'm the man He's the man I'm the man He's the man I'm the man I'm the man, I'm the man I'm the man You call that an essay? What did it take you, ten minutes? It's just notes.
Frankly, it's insulting.
I'm sorry.
It's just with the election - You were warned about that.
That F stands for a fail.
And if I were you, I'd have a long, hard think about my future here.
If that's level of effort you think you can get away with, you're at the wrong school.
Danny, congratulations.
I'm glad I've seen you.
Can you come to the office with me? I've got some things for you to look over.
It's a lot, but you've got to learn how the school works.
Big responsibility, this.
Oh, I've been thinking.
You can do a blog for our website, as well.
I've never had sushi before.
Really? You surprise me.
Pack it in, Claudine.
No-one likes a sore loser.
I'm not a loser.
OK? I justdidn't win.
Yellowtail? I can't eat a parrot.
My grandma had one when I was little.
Deep breaths, babe.
Yellowtail is tuna.
Oh, here's our glorious leader.
Check out the menu.
It looks awesome.
I'll have what you're having.
Come on.
You always do that.
I said I'll have what you're having.
What's all that? Got to bone up on the school, haven't I? Nugent wants me to do, like, a daily blog on the website.
Nightmare.
Mate, are you forgetting Girls Aloud? You're gonna get cosy with a couple of fit, minted birds.
Not just parrots.
She used to have a little budgie called Anna.
Do you know you say these things out loud? If the blog's bugging you, I can help you, if you like.
What, like you helped me with my essay? Anna failed me, didn't she? But I was only trying to help.
I didn't - Yeah, well, she said it's garbage, so, cheers.
Get her.
I don't believe this.
These are just the notes I took down.
He didn't even bother to write them up.
Look, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have gone off at you about the essay.
I don't get it.
You know Anna.
How can you just give in those notes I made like they were an essay? Danny, talk to me.
I try and help you and you just go off at me in front of everyone.
I said I'm sorry, didn't I? Everything OK? Oh, shove off, Claudine.
I've just been looking at the website.
Not done your blog yet? No.
Do you fancy helping me? Sure.
ErmI talk, you type? Perfect.
Danny.
Ladies, this is the guy I was telling you about.
Hello.
How are you? Nice to meet you.
You too.
Danny's our First Year Rep.
He'll be chairing your interview.
He's one of our most talented students.
Oh, got some talent, eh? You'd better believe it.
So you'll be gentle with us, then, in the Q & A? Yeah, it'll be cool.
Everyone's well excited.
How many questions has she got? 23.
All in pink lettering.
Nobody said anything about a maximum number.
What are you asking? It's private.
Private? Lolaaudience.
Audience, Lola.
So, what are they like? Oh, they're dead normal.
No, they're really nice.
You'll have to introduce them to me.
My mates will be so jealous.
We can write about them on the blog.
Maybe even link it to the Girls site.
Oh, check it out.
It's John and Yoko.
You really need to update your references.
What's going on with you and Danny? Very subtle.
Why beat around the bush? It's fine.
I don't know what's going on.
I don't believe he's got Claudine doing his blog for him.
It'll be cool.
Morning, losers.
I take it back.
Loving the blog, Dan.
Hollywood's buffest actors in the movies where they get their tops off.
That amused me.
Ten alternative uses for a mascara wand.
Oh, I wouldn't mind seeing that.
So? Claudine's helping me.
What's wrong with that? Nothing, mate.
But Lauren's doing your essay, Claudine's doing your blog.
What exactly is it that you do? Yeah.
What do you do? What is going on with you? - What? - Is that all you can say? Right.
Come on, Danny.
Show time.
Look, just get off my case, yeah? If that's what you want.
I'd better get down the front, as your co-blogger and right-hand woman.
All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand.
- What? - Lady Macbeth.
This is all about you getting to be the power behind the throne.
I'm just trying to do my bit.
?? Look, Claudine, uh they're right about the blog.
It's making me look stupid.
Really? How so? Well, erm do you think it might be a good idea to, you know erm not just write about yourself? Fine.
It's all yours.
I'll start my own blog.
- No, I - No, you're right.
Silly me, doing all your work for you.
You've got Lauren for that.
Danny, you're here.
Right.
There you go.
I've weeded out the dull and the moronic.
23, to be precise.
All written in pink.
I thought they'd ask questions from the floor.
You're joking.
Tried that before.
Ended up with questions about boys and shoes.
This is relevant to the business.
- Is Danny excited? - ?? - Don't ask me.
- We're honoured to have with us two members of one of this country's most successful bands.
So, please give a massive welcome to Nicola and Kimberley of - Girls Aloud.
So, first off, ladies, I'd just like to welcome you to the school.
You must be uh delighted to meet me.
It's really good to share all our experiences of the music industry.
And it'll make a nice change from being asked silly questions like, "What's your favourite colour?" So, well, let's kick it off with what's your favourite colour? Aeroplane grey.
Putty.
Aeroplane grey.
I think she was joking, babe.
Yeah, right.
Kimberleyputty.
So, where did you meet? We met on Popstars: The Rivals.
Yeah, I was just kidding.
Are you OK? Er So, um yeah, that tune you did.
Um Freak Like Me.
That was the Sugababes.
We're Girls Aloud.
I thought this was a serious insight into the music industry.
What's he doing? He's making a prat of himself.
I thought you'd have loads of questions.
Has anybody got any questions? I thought we might have had at least a few fans in Britannia High.
I'm a fan.
Your No.
1 fan.
I love you, Girls Aloud.
Sure you're all right? (Read the cards.
Danny.
Read the cards.
) (Look at the cards.
) (Read the cards.
) (Read the cards.
) Oh, why Is there a gap where you used to fall It's like I don't even know you at all Despite everything we've been through You've departed Oh-oh! I feel like something's broken You're blind And blinded by the light It's time, time, time For the intervention There's a missing person You're light red Now you're light blue You used to come to us and now you make us come to you Take a look into the mirror, do Do you recognise the guy that's looking back at you? You denied That someone else is wearing your skin You tried But you wandered where the ice was too thin Oh-ah-oh We will find your way back from the other side Oh-oh I feel like something's broken You're blind And blinded by the light It's time, time, time For the intervention There's a missing person Calling out, calling out There's a missing person Calling out, calling out There's a missing person Calling out, calling out There's a missing person, yeah Oh-oh I feel like something's broken You're blind And blinded by the light It's time, time, time For the intervention There's a missing person Calling out, calling out There's a missing person Calling out, calling out There's a missing person Excuse me, ladies.
How did you find me? I know my students, Danny.
Better than you think.
I followed you, you geek.
So, you're going to tell me I'm throwing everything away? No, you know all that already.
So, are you going to quit? That's what's coming, isn't it? A few more episodes like that one in there, and then you storm off for good in a great indignant huff.
Maybe this just wasn't meant to be for me.
Why? Because you can't read? We've had dozens of dyslexic pupils here, Danny.
It's just a word for thick.
It's a medical condition.
You've been diagnosed with dyslexia - I haven't.
What? You've never seen someone about this? A specialist? No.
You have to get diagnosed.
We have a brilliant specialist here.
- As soon as - What if he says I'm not dyslexic? That I'm just plain, old-fashioned thick? What will I do then? Danny, in my experience - It's not your experience.
It's mine.
Thisthis place .
.
performing .
.
it's all I've got.
But you don't have to lose it.
You know, I've been kidding myself.
How the hell am I going to get through a 100-page script if I can't even get through a Mr Men book? With help.
The same as Keanu Reeves.
Orlando Bloom.
Tom Cruise.
They're all dyslexic.
Tom Cruise? It's actually pretty common.
You know, my favourite ever time as a kid was when was when Mum took us to Spain on holiday.
Couldn't read nothing either.
It was all in foreign.
We were all in the same boat.
It's time to get out of the boat, Danny.
You have to face this.
I erm Hi.
I know the dance routines to every one of your videos.
Better than I do.
You should teach me.
Ace! I can ermbook a studio any time you like.
It's so weird, cos erm aeroplane grey and putty are my favourite colours too.
Great minds, eh? It was really nice to meet you, anyway.
Oh, don't go.
I still have 22 questions I need you to answer.
That was weird.
Did you see his face? Something isn't right.
He probably ate a dodgy curry and had an urgent call.
Man, if I'd been up there, I'd have turned it on.
You know what I'd have asked them.
Whether they could live without eyelash curlers or body glitter? What? I have acquired all 23 of Lola's questions to Girls Aloud.
Thanks to Girls Aloud for coming to the school.
Unfortunately, our friend Lola didn't get a chance to ask her questions.
Lucky for her, though, we have them, and we thought we'd give you, our cherished listeners, an insight into the crazy world of Lola.
Hi.
I'm, like, Lola.
And I'm, like, so totally excited to be here today.
I love you, Girls Aloud.
And like, do you have any questions? In your professional opinion, who's fitter - Usher or Justin? I'll have what you're having.
I talk, you type.
Anna told me.
It's OK.
I know what I need to do now.
So, er I'mI'm going on this uh residential course today.
I mean, I'm never going to find reading easy, but I'm going to do what I can to stay.
And I really am sorry for acting like an idiot.
Apology accepted, man.
Dyslexia's like, so cool.
Keanu Reeves has it.
And Orlando Bloom.
What? Will you be OK? Don't know.
I'm going to give it my best shot, though.
Good luck, Danny Boy.
Bye.
I talk, you type! It's all my fault now A tragedy, I fear Angel of mercy How did you find me? How did you pick me up again? So, I hadn't told you guys the whole truth.
Our Jez, not telling the truth? Ready? Ta-daa! This is not the place for my son.
It's not a career.
Is there something you need to say? You looked me in the eye and you lied.
???Liar.
If he finds out, everything is over.
Everything.
I find him quite dense.
Maybe I'm dense.
Who knows? One or the other.
.
.
at the main intersection, up is where we go from here Finest selection, this could take us anywhere I don't want protection Life is better off the line, line Stravinsky.
One of our most influential musicians.
And the ground isn't good enough for me I know where to find what I want And I will keep on Keep on Up, up Hurry up.
We're going to be late for music theory.
No.
Oh, come on.
It's not that bad.
Hey.
You should go for that.
Who's going to vote for me? I would, for a start.
You're so right for First Year Rep.
I don't think it's quite your bag.
It's basically a popularity contest.
Yet you're going for it.
Why not? ??It's like Mean Girls but actually happening.
Surprised you're not going for it, Danny.
Nah, it's not for me.
Hi.
Hi, ladies.
We're campaigning for Danny Miller.
You know? The cutie with the booty just You know, Danny with the hair.
Good old Danny boy's going to get the shock of his life.
He is.
This could be the start of something I can feel my heart is jumping Want to walk but can't stop running I can't stop running Good to be a part of something Once upon a time was nothing This could be the start of something This could be the start of something good Britannia High S01 EP02 I can give you what you want I can make you ice cream We could be a sweet team melting in your vice dreams, sport The exact type of chord can be modified, giving a different feeling to Danny, will you pay attention? I was.
What was the last thing I said? Danny, will you pay attention.
Seeing as you know everything about chord structure, ??give us an example of a melodic minor ascending on the piano.
It seems today that all you see Is violence in movies and sex on TV But where are those good old-fashioned values? On which we used to rely? All right, Danny.
Lucky there's a family guy Lucky there's a man who positively can do All the things that makes us laugh and cry He's a family guy Yeah! All right, everyone.
Thank you very much for that.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Not you, Danny.
Does anyone get the feeling Anna's not a fan of post-modern animated cult TV? He's got bigger cojones than me.
??? Do you even know what cojones are? Some kind of Mexican food? I never really understood.
?? - Canteen.
- No, we've got a radio show to do.
- I need to yam, man.
- Yam? Yeah.
Eat, scoff, trough.
Crazy.
It's like another language.
What's this? Salami and red pepper on ciabatta.
Some of us think ahead.
?? I was just having a laugh.
Forget the song.
Danny, you're a great musician.
Bags of potential.
But the minute we touch on theory, you just switch off.
I just wanna play.
You know, all this theory work, it drives me mad.
I understand, but unfortunately for you, it's part of the syllabus.
And I'm still waiting for that essay.
About the dead foreign bloke.
Yeah.
Stravinsky.
Bless you.
Look, I'm sorry.
It's my computer.
It's Use a school computer.
You've got till the end of the week.
Hiya.
Caesar salad, I think.
- No anchovies.
- Right.
Or croutons.
OK.
And hold the dressing.
Just lettuce, then? Perfect.
And a pasty.
Did she read you the riot act? Nothing I can't handle.
Come on, Dan.
We can do this the easy way or the hard way.
I'm cool.
Honest.
Fine.
Do you want your break? OK.
No, it's this essay.
Stravinsky.
Is that all? You'd probably done it 20 minutes after it was given out.
Look, I'm not worried if I fail music theory.
No, you know you have to pass theory.
I'll help you, if you like.
- Really? - Of course.
You're not going to turn me into some swat like you, are you? I'm good, but I'm not that good.
I could smooth over some of those rough edges, though.
So, you want to change me now? You'll thank me for it in the end.
Face facts, Danny.
I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you.
Hey, yeah Thought I was The kind who had to learn to lose Thought I was A man who'd seen the things he needed to But you're so sweet now So sweet now Make me think in different ways When I stepped outside Opened my eyes for a better view Much finer place Something better So brand-new It's like some kind of fever I don't wanna lose This sensation to settle my blues Take a look into my eyes You'll see the face of change in there Yeah, hey Hey, yeah Oh-oh-oh Maybe I've been Looking for the wrong kind of heart and soul Maybe I've been Fighting too hard with my self control But you're so free now So free now You liberate those lonely days I feel alive Something better So brand-new It's like some kind of fever I don't wanna lose It's a new sensation Settle my blues Take a look at A look at A look, cos there's something better So brand-new It's like some kind of fever I don't wanna lose It's a new sensation To settle my blues Oh, my blues When you're reaching out your hand You'll feel the touch of change in me Who-oh-oh-ay-yeah Who-oh-oh-ay-yeah! And you know just who I am, changing me When you're reaching out your hand, changing me Yeah, you know just who I am, changing me When you're reaching out your hand, changing me Yeah, you know just who I am, changing me ?? OK.
Can I have your attention, please? Votes are in for the new First Year Rep.
And the four students who are nominated are in no particular order, Darren Quinn - - Who? - Yes! - Lauren Waters.
- Yes.
Claudine Cameron and Danny Miller.
I never even went for it.
Is this you guys? It was a tough campaign, but we came through.
I don't wanna be rep.
Which makes this so amusing.
Elections are Friday.
Each candidate has three minutes to make a speech and whatever else to impress.
Be daring.
Show us what you've got.
He means talent.
I've just had some other very exciting news.
??Nicola and Kimberley from Girls Aloud will be joining us as our special guests next week.
They've very kindly agreed to do a Q & A session, which will provide an invaluable insight into what it takes to succeed in this business.
Furthermore, the session will be chaired by the new First Year Rep, who will join me and the girls afterwards for dinner.
I don't believe it.
If that's not incentive enough to win, I don't know what is.
Good luck to all of you.
Well, thanks, lads.
You know, it'd be nice to do my bit.
Represent the school.
You think you've got it in the bag, don't you? I might surprise you and whip both your butts.
Well, ladies, looks like we've got a fight on our hands.
So, Friday's the big day, people.
Remember, it's your student rep, and your vote counts.
But first,?? we've got the tiniest confession to make.
Remember how we were campaigning for Danny Miller? - We may have made a mistake.
- May have.
We thought he'd appreciate the challenge.
But We realise he'd probably be the worst rep in history.
- He's lazy -Indolent That's not true.
He laughed so hard one time, he nearly had an accident.
No, that's incontinent.
Indolent is another word.
Don't worry about it.
If I can't have you Is that what you're doing for the election? Was it OK? Safe, babe.
Don't you think doing a Whitney number is a teensy bit X-Factor? What's your big idea, then? I'm going the classy route, naturally.
I'm reading a very beautiful, very moving poem.
If, by Kipling.
Well, he does make exceedingly good cakes.
What are you going to do, Danny? Sing? Fling foot? What? I don't know.
Might just flash 'em my mega-watt smile and hope for the best.
Do you want to get started on that Stravinsky? I talk, you type? What every girl wants to hear.
Definitely going to keep it in that lower key, Lola.
?? The high notes kill me.
OK.
Cool.
??I'm going go for a long, hot bath.
Make myself beautiful.
You're already beautiful.
You're just saying that.
Stand there.
Let me have a look at you.
Turn to the left a bit.
Well? Keep very still.
I'll only be a couple of hours.
Oh, we shouldn't really be doing this.
I know, but now we're political rivals, maybe you should be out there canvassing.
I think we've got work to do.
Stravinsky? It's such a downer, though.
Who actually cares about dead composers? We're here to perform.
I think it's called an education.
All these essays.
I thought I'd be done with all that when I left school.
Got no choice, though, have we, if we wanna stay here? Apparently, the theory stuff gets really full-on next term.
What did you mean, I should be out there canvassing? What about you? I'll just see what happens.
You're just saying that cos you so know you're going to lose.
Ah, so, you think you're going to beat me, do you? Trust me, brains over beauty.
Oh, yeah? Right, loser.
Let's get back to dead composers.
No, Cabaret and Chicago have more than stood the test of time.
I mean, if Bob Fosse can make it from chorus to creating these massive - Thanks, everybody.
Good luck to those going for First Year Rep.
ErDanny, Everything all right? You've been somewhere else for the last hour.
Yeah, sorry.
Just thinking about the election.
Anna mentioned you've fallen behind with your theory work.
You still owe her an essay.
I've done it now.
It's all under control.
If you're struggling now, maybe First Year Rep's not such a good idea.
I'm not struggling.
It's a lot of extra work on top of what you've got.
I can handle it, yeah? It's cool.
Good.
Here's your essay.
Stop slagging me off to the other teachers, yeah? People may not understand that a light shines so brightly Oh, so brightly A light shines brightly Through - Thanks.
- Thank you for that song from your work-in-progress, Ant And Dec - The Musical.
Right.
Your next candidate - Lauren.
Start the clock.
Come on.
Hi.
I know some of you don't know me, but ermI believe passionately in this school, and I'll be as loyal to you as my Billy, Barney and Bobby are to me.
They're my dogs at home.
Oh, my God.
Anyway, I hope you like this.
Share my life Take me for what I am Cos I'll never change My colours for you Take my love I'll never ask for too much Just all that you are Can't wait for her to really hit those high notes.
I don't really need to look very much further I don't wanna have to go where you don't follow I won't hold it back again This passion inside I can't run from myself There's nowhere to hide But don't make me close one more door Key goes up again, doesn't it? Stay in my arms if you dare Or must I imagine you there Don't walk away from me I have nothing, nothing, nothing Thank you, Lauren.
Thank you.
Amazing high notes.
OK.
Next up, Claudine.
Start the clock.
Well, you all know me.
So, I'm sure you all know what a superb rep I'd make for you.
I'd like to read If, by Rudyard Kipling.
Erm Yeah.
If.
If you keep your head While all around are losing theirs Thenyou'll probably be OK.
Andif I get chosen, I vow to use my powers only for good.
And you know, I also believe children are the future.
Teach them well, and let them lead the way.
It's not exactly I Have A Dream.
Anyhow, the upshot is, vote me.
I'm great.
Boo! Thanks, Claudine.
I haven't seen anyone die quite so spectacularly since the last act of Romeo and Juliet.
Danny, a word.
Your next and final candidate, Danny.
Sorry.
It's me.
I'm the fizzy in a bottle, I'm about to go pop There's a buzzing in my bones and it will not stop I'm the cat that got the cream, now I'm drinking it up It's a moment of glory I'm a jack, I'm on a spring, jumping out of the box Got my money in my pocket and the race is hot Got my best shoes on and coming out of the blocks It's a moment of glory It's such a wonderful story It's the one and only I'm the man He's the man I'm the martyred poet, I'm the libertine I'm the prime-time viewing on your TV screen I'm a conversation round a coffee cup I'm a You Tube video, look me up It's such a wonderful story It's a one-and-only I'm the man He's the man I'm the man He's the man I'm the man Oh, I'm the man He's the man He's the man I'm the man He's the man He's the man I'm the man He's the man I'm the man He's the man I'm the man He's the man I'm the man He's the man I'm the man I'm the man, I'm the man I'm the man You call that an essay? What did it take you, ten minutes? It's just notes.
Frankly, it's insulting.
I'm sorry.
It's just with the election - You were warned about that.
That F stands for a fail.
And if I were you, I'd have a long, hard think about my future here.
If that's level of effort you think you can get away with, you're at the wrong school.
Danny, congratulations.
I'm glad I've seen you.
Can you come to the office with me? I've got some things for you to look over.
It's a lot, but you've got to learn how the school works.
Big responsibility, this.
Oh, I've been thinking.
You can do a blog for our website, as well.
I've never had sushi before.
Really? You surprise me.
Pack it in, Claudine.
No-one likes a sore loser.
I'm not a loser.
OK? I justdidn't win.
Yellowtail? I can't eat a parrot.
My grandma had one when I was little.
Deep breaths, babe.
Yellowtail is tuna.
Oh, here's our glorious leader.
Check out the menu.
It looks awesome.
I'll have what you're having.
Come on.
You always do that.
I said I'll have what you're having.
What's all that? Got to bone up on the school, haven't I? Nugent wants me to do, like, a daily blog on the website.
Nightmare.
Mate, are you forgetting Girls Aloud? You're gonna get cosy with a couple of fit, minted birds.
Not just parrots.
She used to have a little budgie called Anna.
Do you know you say these things out loud? If the blog's bugging you, I can help you, if you like.
What, like you helped me with my essay? Anna failed me, didn't she? But I was only trying to help.
I didn't - Yeah, well, she said it's garbage, so, cheers.
Get her.
I don't believe this.
These are just the notes I took down.
He didn't even bother to write them up.
Look, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have gone off at you about the essay.
I don't get it.
You know Anna.
How can you just give in those notes I made like they were an essay? Danny, talk to me.
I try and help you and you just go off at me in front of everyone.
I said I'm sorry, didn't I? Everything OK? Oh, shove off, Claudine.
I've just been looking at the website.
Not done your blog yet? No.
Do you fancy helping me? Sure.
ErmI talk, you type? Perfect.
Danny.
Ladies, this is the guy I was telling you about.
Hello.
How are you? Nice to meet you.
You too.
Danny's our First Year Rep.
He'll be chairing your interview.
He's one of our most talented students.
Oh, got some talent, eh? You'd better believe it.
So you'll be gentle with us, then, in the Q & A? Yeah, it'll be cool.
Everyone's well excited.
How many questions has she got? 23.
All in pink lettering.
Nobody said anything about a maximum number.
What are you asking? It's private.
Private? Lolaaudience.
Audience, Lola.
So, what are they like? Oh, they're dead normal.
No, they're really nice.
You'll have to introduce them to me.
My mates will be so jealous.
We can write about them on the blog.
Maybe even link it to the Girls site.
Oh, check it out.
It's John and Yoko.
You really need to update your references.
What's going on with you and Danny? Very subtle.
Why beat around the bush? It's fine.
I don't know what's going on.
I don't believe he's got Claudine doing his blog for him.
It'll be cool.
Morning, losers.
I take it back.
Loving the blog, Dan.
Hollywood's buffest actors in the movies where they get their tops off.
That amused me.
Ten alternative uses for a mascara wand.
Oh, I wouldn't mind seeing that.
So? Claudine's helping me.
What's wrong with that? Nothing, mate.
But Lauren's doing your essay, Claudine's doing your blog.
What exactly is it that you do? Yeah.
What do you do? What is going on with you? - What? - Is that all you can say? Right.
Come on, Danny.
Show time.
Look, just get off my case, yeah? If that's what you want.
I'd better get down the front, as your co-blogger and right-hand woman.
All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand.
- What? - Lady Macbeth.
This is all about you getting to be the power behind the throne.
I'm just trying to do my bit.
?? Look, Claudine, uh they're right about the blog.
It's making me look stupid.
Really? How so? Well, erm do you think it might be a good idea to, you know erm not just write about yourself? Fine.
It's all yours.
I'll start my own blog.
- No, I - No, you're right.
Silly me, doing all your work for you.
You've got Lauren for that.
Danny, you're here.
Right.
There you go.
I've weeded out the dull and the moronic.
23, to be precise.
All written in pink.
I thought they'd ask questions from the floor.
You're joking.
Tried that before.
Ended up with questions about boys and shoes.
This is relevant to the business.
- Is Danny excited? - ?? - Don't ask me.
- We're honoured to have with us two members of one of this country's most successful bands.
So, please give a massive welcome to Nicola and Kimberley of - Girls Aloud.
So, first off, ladies, I'd just like to welcome you to the school.
You must be uh delighted to meet me.
It's really good to share all our experiences of the music industry.
And it'll make a nice change from being asked silly questions like, "What's your favourite colour?" So, well, let's kick it off with what's your favourite colour? Aeroplane grey.
Putty.
Aeroplane grey.
I think she was joking, babe.
Yeah, right.
Kimberleyputty.
So, where did you meet? We met on Popstars: The Rivals.
Yeah, I was just kidding.
Are you OK? Er So, um yeah, that tune you did.
Um Freak Like Me.
That was the Sugababes.
We're Girls Aloud.
I thought this was a serious insight into the music industry.
What's he doing? He's making a prat of himself.
I thought you'd have loads of questions.
Has anybody got any questions? I thought we might have had at least a few fans in Britannia High.
I'm a fan.
Your No.
1 fan.
I love you, Girls Aloud.
Sure you're all right? (Read the cards.
Danny.
Read the cards.
) (Look at the cards.
) (Read the cards.
) (Read the cards.
) Oh, why Is there a gap where you used to fall It's like I don't even know you at all Despite everything we've been through You've departed Oh-oh! I feel like something's broken You're blind And blinded by the light It's time, time, time For the intervention There's a missing person You're light red Now you're light blue You used to come to us and now you make us come to you Take a look into the mirror, do Do you recognise the guy that's looking back at you? You denied That someone else is wearing your skin You tried But you wandered where the ice was too thin Oh-ah-oh We will find your way back from the other side Oh-oh I feel like something's broken You're blind And blinded by the light It's time, time, time For the intervention There's a missing person Calling out, calling out There's a missing person Calling out, calling out There's a missing person Calling out, calling out There's a missing person, yeah Oh-oh I feel like something's broken You're blind And blinded by the light It's time, time, time For the intervention There's a missing person Calling out, calling out There's a missing person Calling out, calling out There's a missing person Excuse me, ladies.
How did you find me? I know my students, Danny.
Better than you think.
I followed you, you geek.
So, you're going to tell me I'm throwing everything away? No, you know all that already.
So, are you going to quit? That's what's coming, isn't it? A few more episodes like that one in there, and then you storm off for good in a great indignant huff.
Maybe this just wasn't meant to be for me.
Why? Because you can't read? We've had dozens of dyslexic pupils here, Danny.
It's just a word for thick.
It's a medical condition.
You've been diagnosed with dyslexia - I haven't.
What? You've never seen someone about this? A specialist? No.
You have to get diagnosed.
We have a brilliant specialist here.
- As soon as - What if he says I'm not dyslexic? That I'm just plain, old-fashioned thick? What will I do then? Danny, in my experience - It's not your experience.
It's mine.
Thisthis place .
.
performing .
.
it's all I've got.
But you don't have to lose it.
You know, I've been kidding myself.
How the hell am I going to get through a 100-page script if I can't even get through a Mr Men book? With help.
The same as Keanu Reeves.
Orlando Bloom.
Tom Cruise.
They're all dyslexic.
Tom Cruise? It's actually pretty common.
You know, my favourite ever time as a kid was when was when Mum took us to Spain on holiday.
Couldn't read nothing either.
It was all in foreign.
We were all in the same boat.
It's time to get out of the boat, Danny.
You have to face this.
I erm Hi.
I know the dance routines to every one of your videos.
Better than I do.
You should teach me.
Ace! I can ermbook a studio any time you like.
It's so weird, cos erm aeroplane grey and putty are my favourite colours too.
Great minds, eh? It was really nice to meet you, anyway.
Oh, don't go.
I still have 22 questions I need you to answer.
That was weird.
Did you see his face? Something isn't right.
He probably ate a dodgy curry and had an urgent call.
Man, if I'd been up there, I'd have turned it on.
You know what I'd have asked them.
Whether they could live without eyelash curlers or body glitter? What? I have acquired all 23 of Lola's questions to Girls Aloud.
Thanks to Girls Aloud for coming to the school.
Unfortunately, our friend Lola didn't get a chance to ask her questions.
Lucky for her, though, we have them, and we thought we'd give you, our cherished listeners, an insight into the crazy world of Lola.
Hi.
I'm, like, Lola.
And I'm, like, so totally excited to be here today.
I love you, Girls Aloud.
And like, do you have any questions? In your professional opinion, who's fitter - Usher or Justin? I'll have what you're having.
I talk, you type.
Anna told me.
It's OK.
I know what I need to do now.
So, er I'mI'm going on this uh residential course today.
I mean, I'm never going to find reading easy, but I'm going to do what I can to stay.
And I really am sorry for acting like an idiot.
Apology accepted, man.
Dyslexia's like, so cool.
Keanu Reeves has it.
And Orlando Bloom.
What? Will you be OK? Don't know.
I'm going to give it my best shot, though.
Good luck, Danny Boy.
Bye.
I talk, you type! It's all my fault now A tragedy, I fear Angel of mercy How did you find me? How did you pick me up again? So, I hadn't told you guys the whole truth.
Our Jez, not telling the truth? Ready? Ta-daa! This is not the place for my son.
It's not a career.
Is there something you need to say? You looked me in the eye and you lied.
???Liar.
If he finds out, everything is over.
Everything.