Bumping Mics with Jeff Ross & Dave Attell (2018) s01e02 Episode Script
Saturday
1
(CLIPPER BUZZING)
DAVE: You guys also do
anal bleaching here or no?
All right.
This is old-school.
DAVE: Yeah.
Comics prepared back in the day.
They got groomed, Dave.
Yeah.
Ah, you're massaging my face.
Yes, I like your style, Francisco.
Yes. How do you feel?
What? How do I feel?
I feel like there's a man with a vibrator
in my mouth. How am I supposed to feel?
(LAUGHS)
(INTRO SONG PLAYING)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
Now you're here of course to watch
Bumping Mics
Now what is "bumping mic"?
If you like crossing swords,
you'll love Bumping Mics.
(LAUGHTER)
If you like seizuring vaginas.
You'll love
you'll absolutely love bu
And you like seizuring vaginas.
You know?
Who doesn't?
(LAUGHTER)
If you like
sucking your dead grandmother's cunt
with a plunger
(LAUGHTER)
while standing on the taint
of a giant
and don't act like you don't.
(LAUGHTER)
Don't act like you're like
"Oh, I'm too big for that."
(LAUGHTER)
"I'll maybe I'll suck
my live grandma's vagina like,
but not my dead, 'cuz I'm too classy."
(LAUGHTER)
Then you'll love
Bumping Mics.
(HOLLERING, APPLAUSE)
So without further ado
I don't want a gigantic round of applause
for them.
Just the kind of obligatory
"Well, I guess we're supposed to clap
at this point, 'cuz he told us to."
The greatest comedy team,
since Ike and Tina Turner.
(LAUGHTER)
Jeff Ross and Dave Attell.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Gilbert Gottfried, everybody.
Yeah, yeah.
Wow. Yes.
JEFF: Gilbert.
Jeff.
Dave. Hi, Dave.
That was great. You know,
that intro didn't work as well
at the Children's Museum today
when we tried it.
(LAUGHTER, THUD)
Thank you.
This is the crowd.
What's up, New York!?
(CHEERING)
Nice!
(THUD)
Wow!
Jeff, It looked like you were fighting
an opponent only you could see.
I like that.
(LAUGHTER)
So congratulations on the new job
at the Panda Express.
I think it's awesome.
(LAUGHTER, THUD)
What a crowd, huh, buddy?
This is it. Saturday night, man.
If we don't kill tonight,
we're fucking done in this business.
You're telling me, yeah.
And it's a good thing we have (LAUGHS)
I don't know, fucking slums of anarchy
here in New York.
(LAUGHTER)
Ah, Jeff, I got to tell you this, man.
Thank you for helping me live
my smallest dream.
Which is what?
Playing in a basement in 100-degree heat
with Gilbert Gottfried as the opener.
(LAUGHTER)
Gilbert. Gilbert's so loud he doesn't
even need a fucking microphone.
Gilbert. Gilbert,
thanks for coming to our show.
Yeah.
You dress nice.
You fucked up all my jokes.
This is great.
You always dress poorly.
He dressed nice, you think?
Like a fucking extra from
The Shawshank Redemption.
Look at this guy. The world's oldest
(APPLAUSE)
The world's oldest prisoner. Look at him.
(LAUGHTER)
So, what's been going on?
Are you still punching up
Roseanne's Twitter account?
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD)
(APPLAUSE)
Nice one, Jeff.
Gilbert, later on, will you tell
one crazy, dirty joke for us later?
If I can think of one. Yeah.
I know he's got one in him.
If you can't, just look in the mirror,
something will come.
(GILBERT LAUGHS)
Nice, Jeff.
Gilbert's here for the free drinks.
Sure.
Are you guys drinking tonight?
Is it drinks you have? Yes.
(APPLAUSE)
L'chaim.
I love it.
Here's a fun thing I like to do.
Tell me what you're drinking,
and I'll tell you how your night's
gonna end. Yell it out.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
MAN: Whiskey Ginger!
Now, you know what it sounds like
inside an alcoholic's head. Alright?
Thank you.
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD)
I used to drink a lot of whiskey.
Who drinks whiskey here?
Yeah. Yes.
You know that sip of whiskey
right before you shit your pants?
That's my favorite one.
Jeff what's your drink of choice? Ketchup?
What do you like?
(LAUGHTER)
Boom.
(THUD)
Oh, the back of the mic. Wow.
That was a backhanded bump.
Mic bump.
That was backhanded bump.
What was your drink
when you were really drinking?
I don't know if were you just listening,
Wikipedia, but I said whiskey.
Straight up or what?
Fucking straight up.
Sometimes I'd like it cold, cold, cold
like a father that didn't listen,
but sometimes
Is Gilbert crying? Anyway.
(LAUGHTER)
Let's do my game. What do you think?
Let's start it out that way.
This a great game.
If you yell out your drink,
Dave is like a psychic. He can tell you
how your night's gonna end.
Let's do it.
Gin and tonic!
Wow, with that voice? Holy shit.
(LAUGHTER)
Wow.
(DAVE LAUGHS)
Ouch.
(GIRL SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)
Wow.
How about a hand for the guy
who has to fuck that? How about that?
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Loot at that.
That one goes to the crowd, Jeff.
A gin and tonic.
That was definitely not the tonic talking.
Am I right?
Okay, be very careful tonight
when you fold your couch out into a bed.
All right?
How about these two ladies over here.
What's happening?
Hi, ladies, how you doing?
What are you guys drinking?
Water.
Water.
Water.
Water, watch out.
(AUDIENCE BOOING)
Is this an NPR game show?
What's going on here?
Another round of water. I can afford that. Where are
they from? Where do you think they're from, Jeff?
Where are you from?
Canada.
Canada?
Yes.
That's awesome.
I like Canada. I like it.
I would get closer,
but I don't want to get
any of your tolerance on me, you know?
Your new ideas in science and whatnot.
Canada is very cool, man.
I don't know how you put up with us.
Cuz we are your Mexico.
That's right.
Yeah, you know.
(LAUGHTER)
Fucking slammin' this show.
Thank you.
(APPLAUSE)
I guess they have no idea where they are.
What's happening here?
Canadian, why you guys so nice?
Why are Canadians so nice?
We have a great country
and we're lucky.
And you live closer to Santa.
Am I right?
(THUD)
Boom. Knocked it out of the park.
Even Canadian ghosts are nice.
They're like "boo". Sorry.
(LAUGHTER)
(THUDS)
Nice, Jeff.
Well, ladies, are you single? You are?
Gilbert, what's up?
You're looking like, "I wonder
if both of them can fit in my trunk."
(LAUGHTER)
DAVE: The fun of is that, like,
even though I know Jeff does like a party,
he likes to be around people,
I'm the total opposite of that.
It's called being positive,
instead of negative.
I kind of stay positive
and you know, look towards the future,
where you're always like,
"here's how I do it. I live in the past."
I love
No, sometimes I do live in the past.
But I love being old, and I also love
all the funny sad of it all.
Jeff, I'm old, you know what I'm saying?
I'm old.
You're in your prime of your life.
I'm fucking dying.
You are Really?
I am old.
(LAUGHTER)
You look fine, buddy.
Jeff, even my dreams are old.
Did you know that?
What do you mean?
Like last night, I had a dream I'm old,
you know.
So I had a dream I was at a CVS.
JEFF: Yeah.
But No, but here's the nightmare of it.
I had my Rite Aid Award card on me.
So yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
There you go.
GIRL: Nightmare! Thank you. She's great.
(LAUGHTER)
Speaking of nightmares, what's your name?
(LAUGHTER)
Nice.
(THUDS, APPLAUSE)
Jeff, this crowd is on fire.
This is a great crowd, man.
Let me ask the crowd here.
Is it mostly a married crowd,
or is it like are people single?
Married!
Married?
Married!
Where? Over here?
Okay, cool.
We never really talk about this,
'cause I know we're both single, right?
Yeah.
And we both are looking.
I'm looking. You're stalking.
(LAUGHTER, THUD) Yes, Jeff. Fantastic.
It's your show, let it out.
It's the summer time,
so I like when a woman "down there" like
How do you like it, Jeff?
Do you like it like your head?
Like pubes, you mean,
on a woman? I mean
I think it's a lady's choice.
That's beautiful.
If they want to grow it out, grow it out.
(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)
WOMAN: That's it!
"Wax it"?
Alright.
Wax it?
All gone? Not even one hair
to tell the story?
(LAUGHTER)
I kind of like it like my face, you know.
A little gray smelling of soup.
I like that. Thanks.
(LAUGHTER)
I think being able to go down on a woman
is the key to you know
making a woman happy.
I don't know.
(WOMEN CHEERING)
Let's ask a guy who definitely
has a filthier version, Gilbert.
Have you ever been down on a live woman?
(LAUGHTER)
Not just
not just someone from your collection?
(LAUGHTER)
What's the worst thing
about licking your grandmother's pussy?
(LAUGHTER)
Hitting your head on the lid
of the coffin.
(AUDIENCE GASPS)
Thank you.
(APPLAUSE, THUD)
DAVE: Wow!
Yeah.
Jeff, I don't need a bump, I need a hug.
Did you hear that?
(LAUGHTER)
That was nuts!
I like going down on women.
Dave is not into it. We argue about this
all the time.
Yeah, not in this weather.
That's for sure. Ouch.
Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
No, no, no.
No go.
In this weather, I mean,
let's talk about balls, too. They don't
They're not that, you know
(LAUGHTER)
My balls, maybe after, like swimming
in a baby pool full of Scope, you know.
(LAUGHTER)
I eat pussy like it's lunch in prison.
That's how I do it.
What does that mean?
That means (LAUGHS)
That means I'm not really into it,
but I'm kinda hungry, you know, and
Alright, that's enough.
(THUD)
Let's clean it up a bit.
Where's Will?
Give him a hand, cuz he's great.
(APPLAUSE)
Will.
What's happening, buddy?
When we first started doing our
Bumping Mics routine,
Yes.
Will would always be the MC.
If you want to see Will again,
he'll be at Port Authority
selling sunglasses tomorrow.
Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
Jeff looks like Charlie Brown grown up.
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD)
(THUD)
Hey, Will.
Yo.
Did you see Black Panther?
Yeah, I saw it. Did you see it?
No, I saw the White version,
The Winter Olympics. I saw that.
(LAUGHTER)
MAN: Whoo!
(THUD)
(APPLAUSE)
JEFF: Good one.
I had to grope for my own bump.
That was sad.
Will knows all the superhero stuff.
Dude, if you had super powers,
what would they be?
Can I pick three?
Can he?
CROWD: Yeah.
Why not?
Okay. Number one, the ability to fly.
DAVE: Right?
But I still use Google Maps
cuz you can't see too well
when you're flying.
Yeah.
Super strength. Right?
Yeah.
Cuz what's sense of flying
when you get there,
and they're kicking your ass?
You got to fly away again.
I got it.
And then bulletproof cuz the cops.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
(APPLAUSE)
That's great.
Give it up for Will, everybody.
We love you, Will.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Thank you so much.
Jeff I said, you know, "We're going
to New York. We're doing the show."
And Jeff's like, "I got a lot of buddies
who want to come on."
So I'm just dying to see who you got
to be here tonight.
Here's the thing for this three-night run.
We invited a bunch of friends and family
that we really love and
Bob Saget's here.
DAVE: Wow!
(APPLAUSE) (THUDS)
Dave Attell. Jeff Ross.
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
Calm down. Are you in pain?
I fucking love this.
You like this?
This is what it's supposed to be.
It's like having fun with your friends
in front of people,
and you get to say "fuck."
I can't say that
on Netflix's Fuller House.
I can't say "Hey, Jesse,
get the fuck in here," you know.
I'm not even allowed to curse.
There's a kid that said, "If you curse
on the show, you gotta give me a dollar."
Yeah.
"And put it the cursing jar."
I said, "Here's 65 grands.
Shut the fuck up."
(LAUGHTER)
DAVE: Nice one.
You got to cut that out. You got to
You gotta cut that out. I can't
Bob, that's what I love about you.
Cuz like, you play like the dad,
the likeable dad, but
when you do your shows, your live shows,
you are fucking filthy, and I love it.
I'm not as dirty as I was
What I love about this is the freedom
of speech that you're doing,
and that comes from
How long have you guys been friends?
I don't know. I guess. Let's see.
Our whole career I would say.
So what's that? Five years? Six years?
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD)
I would say
Bob, you are ruling it.
(LAUGHTER)
Could you at least hold my hair back?
(LAUGHTER)
What's fun about doing this show
is and I think it's something
with comics
It's a weird thing.
It's like you want the love and adulation,
but there's a part of you that has to see
"Oh, shit! I'll go up there,
and I could bomb at any point.
And there's something
weirdly exciting and exhilarating.
Yeah, endorphins kick in.
It's all that real It's all real.
Yeah, it's like you're all of a sudden
thrown into the water,
and you just got to start kicking
and splashing,
and keeping yourself alive.
Can I ask a question? May I?
Uh
A lot of people ask Gilbert,
and I've asked you this before, and Jeff,
you've asked this of Gilbert.
Is What happened?
(LAUGHTER)
You asked it.
Nice one, Bob.
But I asked him, did you have parents
that were
in the Holocaust?
Did something happened to you?
See, this is where the comedy picks up.
(LAUGHTER)
Once you start to bring
Auschwitz and Dachau
(LAUGHTER)
This is Wow the fun begins.
So, did you go to
Hey, how many of you
were ever in the gas chambers?
(LAUGHTER)
This is a great. Bob, I like you,
but I love Gilbert.
I mean, he is just a fucking demon.
He's a demon.
Gilbert should get another job
of just telling kids they were adopted.
Am I right? Like
(LAUGHTER)
Who's been doing it longer?
You, Bob or Gilbert? Who do you think?
I think we're about the same age,
and we met at Catch a Rising Star.
I was like 21 or 22,
and you put your finger in my butt.
And I said
I said it's going to rain and
and we've been friends forever.
I have a question for you guys.
Can we talk about lubricant
for a minute or no?
Now I know
Is there anything else?
Exactly.
Now, your lube would be of course tears.
Am I, right? Just tears.
(LAUGHTER)
Tears of children.
(LAUGHTER)
DAVE: Gilbert has the best laugh.
It goes better with shoveling
in the forest,
like he's burying a body, like
(IMITATES LAUGH)
Bobby's got some good news.
You're getting married.
You want to talk about that?
Yeah. Absolutely.
Gilbert and I are getting married.
Wow.
(LAUGHTER)
So in a way tonight we can take you out.
This is like your bachelor party.
Very much so. Yeah, that'd be awesome.
How do you feel about
a corned beef sandwich?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
We're eating here because they got
tiny little sandwiches.
The turkey, the corn beef, and pastrami
with nothing on it.
I just want to tell the home viewers
that I will not be talking
for four minutes.
(MOANS)
JEFF: So good. I
needed this so bad.
You're good in your work and this is who being a comic is.
You eat sometimes the worst thing in the world at night.
Really? This is the best thing
I've eaten all week.
I don't know what I'm doing.
JEFF: Eat it. Do it.
I'll make a dooty in the bed.
No. Stop. Eat it.
Yes.
One of my high school buddies is here.
Craig, are you here? I want to
Let me see if I can find him, Jeff.
Come take
Put the lights on for a second.
Yeah, follow me.
Put the lights on for a second.
He is a friend of yours from high school?
Yeah, he's in the back, Craig.
Is it
In the back back.
How about over here
at the bachelorette party? Nothing?
What's up, ladies?
These guys don't look that happy.
Looks like a bachelorette party
for a prearranged marriage.
They don't look that happy.
(LAUGHTER)
Is this your friend from high school
over here?
The shop teacher, Mr. Feely-Hands?
(LAUGHTER) -Jeff, give me your
He's in the back.
He's way in the back there.
Way to get him some great seats.
All right.
Craig, raise your hand, please.
Where is he?
Am I close? Oh, there he is.
Craig, everybody. Give him a hand.
There he is. A friend from high school.
(APPLAUSE)
That was worth the trip.
Dave.
What was Jeff like in high school?
He was funny.
So when did he stop?
(LAUGHTER)
Was he popular?
He was popular.
That's cool.
Hey, this guy's too chatty, you know
(LAUGHTER)
You know what? When I moved
to a new town, Dave,
for my mom passed away,
my dad passed away,
guess who came and hung out with me
when I had no friends?
It was Craig right there. So
Give it up for Craig.
(APPLAUSE)
Craig, you're an angel.
Hey Jeff, I just wanted to say about Craig
that when my mother and father
passed away,
I had never known Craig,
and he also came to my
home, and he took
a lot of their valuables.
He took my mom's jewelry.
(LAUGHTER)
Can I just say
(LAUGHTER)
when my mother and father
were still alive,
Craig came over and killed both of them.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
DAVE: That's crazy.
This is craziness.
One more guest.
Who is it?
This is so much fun,
Dude, our show is hot, man.
Everybody is coming through.
Hey, you can't Yelp yourself.
Earn it.
Earn it.
Go ahead. Come on.
One of my good buddies,
we did some shows for the troops together,
and his heart's always
in a great place. He's hilarious.
Hasan Minhaj is here.
Hasan Minhaj, everybody.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
JEFF: Bravo, man. Is it?
What's happening? Hello.
What's up?
Hey, man.
Hey.
Welcome to whatever this is.
Yeah, I don't know what the fuck
is going on right now.
This is insane.
What's up, Gilbert? This is crazy.
It's like you're Bob Saget's here.
What the fuck?
(LAUGHTER)
You look fan you're fit and everything.
Dave and I, we didn't really get in shape
for our show.
Oh, I see it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I apologize.
Sorry.
(LAUGHTER)
It's just a cigarette dipped in PCP.
This is going to get really weird quick.
Alright.
We did one of the coolest shows ever.
We performed together
in an Air Force Base
at the 75th anniversary of the USO.
He's great.
We got to meet them all.
Yeah.
It was a it was a crazy moment,
cuz my mom has worked
with the troops for, you know,
over 20 years
at Mather Force base at the VA over there,
So for her to go
Oh, really.
Yeah.
So your mom's a doctor.
Yeah, yeah.
I met your mom.
So was it hard to lie about being sick
for school?
Yeah, you just can't miss school.
Just period. Even if you're sick.
That's like for Indian kids, like saying
you're sick for schools is like
when they tell, like an athlete,
"He has a torn meniscus."
"No. Rough this one out, man."
(LAUGHTER)
You know we are amazing, right?
Who? Indians. 11th-straight spelling bees.
Love your movies.
Can you just acknowledge
Can we acknowledge our sheer dominance?
Eleven! We're the Bill Russell
of spelling bees.
(LAUGHTER)
Let's have a spelling bee right now.
Dave, spell Hasan Minhaj.
HASAN: Oh, shit.
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.
This is it. Yes.
Gilbert, I have a question.
I've always been meaning to ask you this.
I want to do it from the stage.
What's that lago money like?
(LAUGHTER)
That was Gilbert's character in
What was that movie?
Aladdin.
Aladdin.
There we go.
Yes, Aladdin.
That must've been very inspirational
for you, that movie.
It was a dare I say
(LAUGHTER)
I'll say it, yeah.
I'm just sayin'
I'm just sayin' dreams come true.
It is.
I'm just saying dreams come true.
Thanks for being good pal.
Thanks, man.
Love you, bud.
(APPLAUSE, THUDS)
That was great.
JEFF: What a nice guy.
This is the most fun we've had
since our
our big Hollywood show. That was fun.
Yeah, that was a really good time.
Dave and I had a show in LA.
And all these stars came out.
We were in my dressing room
after the show. Everybody's hanging out.
And I'm like, "Oh, my God,
I got so starstruck. Barbra Streisand,
what an honor.
Can I get a picture with you?"
And she said, "I'm Mickey Rourke."
DAVE: Wow.
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD)
You really nailed it, Jeff.
Play something sexy, Robert.
Yeah.
Slow and sexy.
(KEYBOARDIST PLAYS ROMANTIC TUNE)
Thanks.
(LAUGHTER)
You guys are a very sexy couple.
Thank you.
These two I'm not so sure about.
No.
You've never seen the gym teacher
and his daughter have a good time?
Come on.
(THUD)
And how about these two detectives
from the '70s?
What do you think of this?
(LAUGHTER)
Turner and Hooch. What's your name, fella?
Jake.
JEFF: Jake and
Sahil.
Oh, yeah. And what gay cruise
did you guys made out of?
DAVE: That's great.
(LAUGHTER)
Dave, I don't judge people.
I don't care if you're gay or straight
or bi or trans or gender-fluid.
I'm gender-solid.
You are.
The only thing that can penetrate me
is a pastrami sandwich.
Nice.
(THUDS)
And even they have a little trouble
sometimes.
(LAUGHTER)
You just bought a new house, right?
My dream house.
Yeah. One bedroom, two kitchens.
Am I right or no?
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD) DAVE: Aw!
Jeff looks like the world's tallest baby.
Now
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD) My son.
All right.
Jeff looks like
He got me for a change.
Thanks.
Finally you got me.
(LAUGHTER)
Just trying to keep it new.
Trying to keep it fresh
because this is a late-night
New York crowd.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(CROWD CHEERING)
I was actually in New York
on election night, did I tell you this?
Oh. Yeah?
On election night, I was in New York,
I got invited
to Hillary Clinton's victory party.
Wow.
At the Jacob Javits Center.
Oh, shit.
Have you ever gone to a wedding,
and the bride dies walking down the aisle?
Oh, fuck yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
DAVE: Help a lady up.
Oh.
Jeff, are you alright?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Oh, good. Now we can switch sides.
I like it over here.
It's good. That's where
the punch lines are.
All right.
Get over there!
Jeff.
Jeff looks like he runs the gift shop
at a planetarium.
(LAUGHTER)
We've been on tour too fucking long, Jeff.
(APPLAUSE)
We're back in New York.
New York, the last state to legalize pot.
Let's do it.
(CROWD CHEERING)
Now half the states
are legalizing marijuana
while the other half
are loosening their gun laws.
Oh, shit.
Can I predict how this civil War
might turn out?
Breaking news, Texas conquered Colorado
in 35 minutes.
(LAUGHTER)
Using a battalion of heavily armored
ice cream trucks.
Oh
(LAUGHTER)
We finally know what people
will do for a Klondike Bar.
(LAUGHTER)
You know, we had
some of our best friends here,
some of the funniest comedians
in the world came out tonight.
And I feel like it's our responsibility
as a comedian
to shine a light on the darkness
to find a silver lining
in the toughest things
that happen in life.
I'll give you an example.
Last year, I was in Manchester, England.
Right.
I was doing a show there,
and if you recall, earlier in the year,
there was a music concert. There was a
terrorist attack at the concert hall.
Ariana Grande was performing.
There was a lot of people there.
The worst possible thing that could happen
at a concert
happened to those people that night.
But the silver lining, the very next day
Ariana Grande canceled
the rest of her tour.
What?
So.
DAVE: What?
God works in mysterious ways.
(LAUGHTER)
Bob Saget, Gilbert Gottfried,
Hasan Minhaj.
Dave Attell. Jeff Ross.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
(CROWD CHANTING) Gilbert, Gilbert!
(CROWD CHANTING) Gilbert!
(CHANTING CONTINUES)
(HOLLERING, APPLAUSE)
A little boy is walking to the bathroom
in the middle of the night.
He passes by his parents' room.
His parents are having sex.
The little boy screams.
The father starts cracking up.
The next night,
the father's walking
to go to the bathroom.
He sees his son fucking his grandmother.
The father screams. The little boy goes,
"See, not so funny when it's your mother."
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Are you enjoying your free ride home,
or as Dave calls it, "Jewber"?
(LAUGHTER)
DAVE: Joe.
JEFF: Hey, Joe!
JEFF: Joe, come here.
DAVE: Look at him run.
What's up, bud?
Not much, how are you guys?
Great to see you.
You, too.
JEFF: We have a show tomorrow.
Come by.
Come by tomorrow.
Sounds good to me.
DAVE: Sorry about that rattling.
It usually ends when the smell starts.
(GILBERT LAUGHS)
Gilbert, you were great tonight, man.
GILBERT: Oh, thank you.
Seeing you and Bob together,
that was yeah.
GILBERT: Yeah, that just felt
like fun tonight.
JEFF: I don't know where you get it,
but Zei Gezunt, say hello to the kids.
DAVE: Gilbert.
We'll mail you a check.
All right?
Okay. A check.
We'll mail your check, buddy.
The check's in the mail, Gilbert.
Nah, you killed it.
Thank you.
Always a pleasure. Get him here, Jeff.
(CLIPPER BUZZING)
DAVE: You guys also do
anal bleaching here or no?
All right.
This is old-school.
DAVE: Yeah.
Comics prepared back in the day.
They got groomed, Dave.
Yeah.
Ah, you're massaging my face.
Yes, I like your style, Francisco.
Yes. How do you feel?
What? How do I feel?
I feel like there's a man with a vibrator
in my mouth. How am I supposed to feel?
(LAUGHS)
(INTRO SONG PLAYING)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING)
Now you're here of course to watch
Bumping Mics
Now what is "bumping mic"?
If you like crossing swords,
you'll love Bumping Mics.
(LAUGHTER)
If you like seizuring vaginas.
You'll love
you'll absolutely love bu
And you like seizuring vaginas.
You know?
Who doesn't?
(LAUGHTER)
If you like
sucking your dead grandmother's cunt
with a plunger
(LAUGHTER)
while standing on the taint
of a giant
and don't act like you don't.
(LAUGHTER)
Don't act like you're like
"Oh, I'm too big for that."
(LAUGHTER)
"I'll maybe I'll suck
my live grandma's vagina like,
but not my dead, 'cuz I'm too classy."
(LAUGHTER)
Then you'll love
Bumping Mics.
(HOLLERING, APPLAUSE)
So without further ado
I don't want a gigantic round of applause
for them.
Just the kind of obligatory
"Well, I guess we're supposed to clap
at this point, 'cuz he told us to."
The greatest comedy team,
since Ike and Tina Turner.
(LAUGHTER)
Jeff Ross and Dave Attell.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Gilbert Gottfried, everybody.
Yeah, yeah.
Wow. Yes.
JEFF: Gilbert.
Jeff.
Dave. Hi, Dave.
That was great. You know,
that intro didn't work as well
at the Children's Museum today
when we tried it.
(LAUGHTER, THUD)
Thank you.
This is the crowd.
What's up, New York!?
(CHEERING)
Nice!
(THUD)
Wow!
Jeff, It looked like you were fighting
an opponent only you could see.
I like that.
(LAUGHTER)
So congratulations on the new job
at the Panda Express.
I think it's awesome.
(LAUGHTER, THUD)
What a crowd, huh, buddy?
This is it. Saturday night, man.
If we don't kill tonight,
we're fucking done in this business.
You're telling me, yeah.
And it's a good thing we have (LAUGHS)
I don't know, fucking slums of anarchy
here in New York.
(LAUGHTER)
Ah, Jeff, I got to tell you this, man.
Thank you for helping me live
my smallest dream.
Which is what?
Playing in a basement in 100-degree heat
with Gilbert Gottfried as the opener.
(LAUGHTER)
Gilbert. Gilbert's so loud he doesn't
even need a fucking microphone.
Gilbert. Gilbert,
thanks for coming to our show.
Yeah.
You dress nice.
You fucked up all my jokes.
This is great.
You always dress poorly.
He dressed nice, you think?
Like a fucking extra from
The Shawshank Redemption.
Look at this guy. The world's oldest
(APPLAUSE)
The world's oldest prisoner. Look at him.
(LAUGHTER)
So, what's been going on?
Are you still punching up
Roseanne's Twitter account?
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD)
(APPLAUSE)
Nice one, Jeff.
Gilbert, later on, will you tell
one crazy, dirty joke for us later?
If I can think of one. Yeah.
I know he's got one in him.
If you can't, just look in the mirror,
something will come.
(GILBERT LAUGHS)
Nice, Jeff.
Gilbert's here for the free drinks.
Sure.
Are you guys drinking tonight?
Is it drinks you have? Yes.
(APPLAUSE)
L'chaim.
I love it.
Here's a fun thing I like to do.
Tell me what you're drinking,
and I'll tell you how your night's
gonna end. Yell it out.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
MAN: Whiskey Ginger!
Now, you know what it sounds like
inside an alcoholic's head. Alright?
Thank you.
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD)
I used to drink a lot of whiskey.
Who drinks whiskey here?
Yeah. Yes.
You know that sip of whiskey
right before you shit your pants?
That's my favorite one.
Jeff what's your drink of choice? Ketchup?
What do you like?
(LAUGHTER)
Boom.
(THUD)
Oh, the back of the mic. Wow.
That was a backhanded bump.
Mic bump.
That was backhanded bump.
What was your drink
when you were really drinking?
I don't know if were you just listening,
Wikipedia, but I said whiskey.
Straight up or what?
Fucking straight up.
Sometimes I'd like it cold, cold, cold
like a father that didn't listen,
but sometimes
Is Gilbert crying? Anyway.
(LAUGHTER)
Let's do my game. What do you think?
Let's start it out that way.
This a great game.
If you yell out your drink,
Dave is like a psychic. He can tell you
how your night's gonna end.
Let's do it.
Gin and tonic!
Wow, with that voice? Holy shit.
(LAUGHTER)
Wow.
(DAVE LAUGHS)
Ouch.
(GIRL SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY)
Wow.
How about a hand for the guy
who has to fuck that? How about that?
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Loot at that.
That one goes to the crowd, Jeff.
A gin and tonic.
That was definitely not the tonic talking.
Am I right?
Okay, be very careful tonight
when you fold your couch out into a bed.
All right?
How about these two ladies over here.
What's happening?
Hi, ladies, how you doing?
What are you guys drinking?
Water.
Water.
Water.
Water, watch out.
(AUDIENCE BOOING)
Is this an NPR game show?
What's going on here?
Another round of water. I can afford that. Where are
they from? Where do you think they're from, Jeff?
Where are you from?
Canada.
Canada?
Yes.
That's awesome.
I like Canada. I like it.
I would get closer,
but I don't want to get
any of your tolerance on me, you know?
Your new ideas in science and whatnot.
Canada is very cool, man.
I don't know how you put up with us.
Cuz we are your Mexico.
That's right.
Yeah, you know.
(LAUGHTER)
Fucking slammin' this show.
Thank you.
(APPLAUSE)
I guess they have no idea where they are.
What's happening here?
Canadian, why you guys so nice?
Why are Canadians so nice?
We have a great country
and we're lucky.
And you live closer to Santa.
Am I right?
(THUD)
Boom. Knocked it out of the park.
Even Canadian ghosts are nice.
They're like "boo". Sorry.
(LAUGHTER)
(THUDS)
Nice, Jeff.
Well, ladies, are you single? You are?
Gilbert, what's up?
You're looking like, "I wonder
if both of them can fit in my trunk."
(LAUGHTER)
DAVE: The fun of is that, like,
even though I know Jeff does like a party,
he likes to be around people,
I'm the total opposite of that.
It's called being positive,
instead of negative.
I kind of stay positive
and you know, look towards the future,
where you're always like,
"here's how I do it. I live in the past."
I love
No, sometimes I do live in the past.
But I love being old, and I also love
all the funny sad of it all.
Jeff, I'm old, you know what I'm saying?
I'm old.
You're in your prime of your life.
I'm fucking dying.
You are Really?
I am old.
(LAUGHTER)
You look fine, buddy.
Jeff, even my dreams are old.
Did you know that?
What do you mean?
Like last night, I had a dream I'm old,
you know.
So I had a dream I was at a CVS.
JEFF: Yeah.
But No, but here's the nightmare of it.
I had my Rite Aid Award card on me.
So yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
There you go.
GIRL: Nightmare! Thank you. She's great.
(LAUGHTER)
Speaking of nightmares, what's your name?
(LAUGHTER)
Nice.
(THUDS, APPLAUSE)
Jeff, this crowd is on fire.
This is a great crowd, man.
Let me ask the crowd here.
Is it mostly a married crowd,
or is it like are people single?
Married!
Married?
Married!
Where? Over here?
Okay, cool.
We never really talk about this,
'cause I know we're both single, right?
Yeah.
And we both are looking.
I'm looking. You're stalking.
(LAUGHTER, THUD) Yes, Jeff. Fantastic.
It's your show, let it out.
It's the summer time,
so I like when a woman "down there" like
How do you like it, Jeff?
Do you like it like your head?
Like pubes, you mean,
on a woman? I mean
I think it's a lady's choice.
That's beautiful.
If they want to grow it out, grow it out.
(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)
WOMAN: That's it!
"Wax it"?
Alright.
Wax it?
All gone? Not even one hair
to tell the story?
(LAUGHTER)
I kind of like it like my face, you know.
A little gray smelling of soup.
I like that. Thanks.
(LAUGHTER)
I think being able to go down on a woman
is the key to you know
making a woman happy.
I don't know.
(WOMEN CHEERING)
Let's ask a guy who definitely
has a filthier version, Gilbert.
Have you ever been down on a live woman?
(LAUGHTER)
Not just
not just someone from your collection?
(LAUGHTER)
What's the worst thing
about licking your grandmother's pussy?
(LAUGHTER)
Hitting your head on the lid
of the coffin.
(AUDIENCE GASPS)
Thank you.
(APPLAUSE, THUD)
DAVE: Wow!
Yeah.
Jeff, I don't need a bump, I need a hug.
Did you hear that?
(LAUGHTER)
That was nuts!
I like going down on women.
Dave is not into it. We argue about this
all the time.
Yeah, not in this weather.
That's for sure. Ouch.
Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
No, no, no.
No go.
In this weather, I mean,
let's talk about balls, too. They don't
They're not that, you know
(LAUGHTER)
My balls, maybe after, like swimming
in a baby pool full of Scope, you know.
(LAUGHTER)
I eat pussy like it's lunch in prison.
That's how I do it.
What does that mean?
That means (LAUGHS)
That means I'm not really into it,
but I'm kinda hungry, you know, and
Alright, that's enough.
(THUD)
Let's clean it up a bit.
Where's Will?
Give him a hand, cuz he's great.
(APPLAUSE)
Will.
What's happening, buddy?
When we first started doing our
Bumping Mics routine,
Yes.
Will would always be the MC.
If you want to see Will again,
he'll be at Port Authority
selling sunglasses tomorrow.
Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
Jeff looks like Charlie Brown grown up.
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD)
(THUD)
Hey, Will.
Yo.
Did you see Black Panther?
Yeah, I saw it. Did you see it?
No, I saw the White version,
The Winter Olympics. I saw that.
(LAUGHTER)
MAN: Whoo!
(THUD)
(APPLAUSE)
JEFF: Good one.
I had to grope for my own bump.
That was sad.
Will knows all the superhero stuff.
Dude, if you had super powers,
what would they be?
Can I pick three?
Can he?
CROWD: Yeah.
Why not?
Okay. Number one, the ability to fly.
DAVE: Right?
But I still use Google Maps
cuz you can't see too well
when you're flying.
Yeah.
Super strength. Right?
Yeah.
Cuz what's sense of flying
when you get there,
and they're kicking your ass?
You got to fly away again.
I got it.
And then bulletproof cuz the cops.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
(APPLAUSE)
That's great.
Give it up for Will, everybody.
We love you, Will.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Thank you so much.
Jeff I said, you know, "We're going
to New York. We're doing the show."
And Jeff's like, "I got a lot of buddies
who want to come on."
So I'm just dying to see who you got
to be here tonight.
Here's the thing for this three-night run.
We invited a bunch of friends and family
that we really love and
Bob Saget's here.
DAVE: Wow!
(APPLAUSE) (THUDS)
Dave Attell. Jeff Ross.
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
Calm down. Are you in pain?
I fucking love this.
You like this?
This is what it's supposed to be.
It's like having fun with your friends
in front of people,
and you get to say "fuck."
I can't say that
on Netflix's Fuller House.
I can't say "Hey, Jesse,
get the fuck in here," you know.
I'm not even allowed to curse.
There's a kid that said, "If you curse
on the show, you gotta give me a dollar."
Yeah.
"And put it the cursing jar."
I said, "Here's 65 grands.
Shut the fuck up."
(LAUGHTER)
DAVE: Nice one.
You got to cut that out. You got to
You gotta cut that out. I can't
Bob, that's what I love about you.
Cuz like, you play like the dad,
the likeable dad, but
when you do your shows, your live shows,
you are fucking filthy, and I love it.
I'm not as dirty as I was
What I love about this is the freedom
of speech that you're doing,
and that comes from
How long have you guys been friends?
I don't know. I guess. Let's see.
Our whole career I would say.
So what's that? Five years? Six years?
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD)
I would say
Bob, you are ruling it.
(LAUGHTER)
Could you at least hold my hair back?
(LAUGHTER)
What's fun about doing this show
is and I think it's something
with comics
It's a weird thing.
It's like you want the love and adulation,
but there's a part of you that has to see
"Oh, shit! I'll go up there,
and I could bomb at any point.
And there's something
weirdly exciting and exhilarating.
Yeah, endorphins kick in.
It's all that real It's all real.
Yeah, it's like you're all of a sudden
thrown into the water,
and you just got to start kicking
and splashing,
and keeping yourself alive.
Can I ask a question? May I?
Uh
A lot of people ask Gilbert,
and I've asked you this before, and Jeff,
you've asked this of Gilbert.
Is What happened?
(LAUGHTER)
You asked it.
Nice one, Bob.
But I asked him, did you have parents
that were
in the Holocaust?
Did something happened to you?
See, this is where the comedy picks up.
(LAUGHTER)
Once you start to bring
Auschwitz and Dachau
(LAUGHTER)
This is Wow the fun begins.
So, did you go to
Hey, how many of you
were ever in the gas chambers?
(LAUGHTER)
This is a great. Bob, I like you,
but I love Gilbert.
I mean, he is just a fucking demon.
He's a demon.
Gilbert should get another job
of just telling kids they were adopted.
Am I right? Like
(LAUGHTER)
Who's been doing it longer?
You, Bob or Gilbert? Who do you think?
I think we're about the same age,
and we met at Catch a Rising Star.
I was like 21 or 22,
and you put your finger in my butt.
And I said
I said it's going to rain and
and we've been friends forever.
I have a question for you guys.
Can we talk about lubricant
for a minute or no?
Now I know
Is there anything else?
Exactly.
Now, your lube would be of course tears.
Am I, right? Just tears.
(LAUGHTER)
Tears of children.
(LAUGHTER)
DAVE: Gilbert has the best laugh.
It goes better with shoveling
in the forest,
like he's burying a body, like
(IMITATES LAUGH)
Bobby's got some good news.
You're getting married.
You want to talk about that?
Yeah. Absolutely.
Gilbert and I are getting married.
Wow.
(LAUGHTER)
So in a way tonight we can take you out.
This is like your bachelor party.
Very much so. Yeah, that'd be awesome.
How do you feel about
a corned beef sandwich?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
We're eating here because they got
tiny little sandwiches.
The turkey, the corn beef, and pastrami
with nothing on it.
I just want to tell the home viewers
that I will not be talking
for four minutes.
(MOANS)
JEFF: So good. I
needed this so bad.
You're good in your work and this is who being a comic is.
You eat sometimes the worst thing in the world at night.
Really? This is the best thing
I've eaten all week.
I don't know what I'm doing.
JEFF: Eat it. Do it.
I'll make a dooty in the bed.
No. Stop. Eat it.
Yes.
One of my high school buddies is here.
Craig, are you here? I want to
Let me see if I can find him, Jeff.
Come take
Put the lights on for a second.
Yeah, follow me.
Put the lights on for a second.
He is a friend of yours from high school?
Yeah, he's in the back, Craig.
Is it
In the back back.
How about over here
at the bachelorette party? Nothing?
What's up, ladies?
These guys don't look that happy.
Looks like a bachelorette party
for a prearranged marriage.
They don't look that happy.
(LAUGHTER)
Is this your friend from high school
over here?
The shop teacher, Mr. Feely-Hands?
(LAUGHTER) -Jeff, give me your
He's in the back.
He's way in the back there.
Way to get him some great seats.
All right.
Craig, raise your hand, please.
Where is he?
Am I close? Oh, there he is.
Craig, everybody. Give him a hand.
There he is. A friend from high school.
(APPLAUSE)
That was worth the trip.
Dave.
What was Jeff like in high school?
He was funny.
So when did he stop?
(LAUGHTER)
Was he popular?
He was popular.
That's cool.
Hey, this guy's too chatty, you know
(LAUGHTER)
You know what? When I moved
to a new town, Dave,
for my mom passed away,
my dad passed away,
guess who came and hung out with me
when I had no friends?
It was Craig right there. So
Give it up for Craig.
(APPLAUSE)
Craig, you're an angel.
Hey Jeff, I just wanted to say about Craig
that when my mother and father
passed away,
I had never known Craig,
and he also came to my
home, and he took
a lot of their valuables.
He took my mom's jewelry.
(LAUGHTER)
Can I just say
(LAUGHTER)
when my mother and father
were still alive,
Craig came over and killed both of them.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
DAVE: That's crazy.
This is craziness.
One more guest.
Who is it?
This is so much fun,
Dude, our show is hot, man.
Everybody is coming through.
Hey, you can't Yelp yourself.
Earn it.
Earn it.
Go ahead. Come on.
One of my good buddies,
we did some shows for the troops together,
and his heart's always
in a great place. He's hilarious.
Hasan Minhaj is here.
Hasan Minhaj, everybody.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
JEFF: Bravo, man. Is it?
What's happening? Hello.
What's up?
Hey, man.
Hey.
Welcome to whatever this is.
Yeah, I don't know what the fuck
is going on right now.
This is insane.
What's up, Gilbert? This is crazy.
It's like you're Bob Saget's here.
What the fuck?
(LAUGHTER)
You look fan you're fit and everything.
Dave and I, we didn't really get in shape
for our show.
Oh, I see it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I apologize.
Sorry.
(LAUGHTER)
It's just a cigarette dipped in PCP.
This is going to get really weird quick.
Alright.
We did one of the coolest shows ever.
We performed together
in an Air Force Base
at the 75th anniversary of the USO.
He's great.
We got to meet them all.
Yeah.
It was a it was a crazy moment,
cuz my mom has worked
with the troops for, you know,
over 20 years
at Mather Force base at the VA over there,
So for her to go
Oh, really.
Yeah.
So your mom's a doctor.
Yeah, yeah.
I met your mom.
So was it hard to lie about being sick
for school?
Yeah, you just can't miss school.
Just period. Even if you're sick.
That's like for Indian kids, like saying
you're sick for schools is like
when they tell, like an athlete,
"He has a torn meniscus."
"No. Rough this one out, man."
(LAUGHTER)
You know we are amazing, right?
Who? Indians. 11th-straight spelling bees.
Love your movies.
Can you just acknowledge
Can we acknowledge our sheer dominance?
Eleven! We're the Bill Russell
of spelling bees.
(LAUGHTER)
Let's have a spelling bee right now.
Dave, spell Hasan Minhaj.
HASAN: Oh, shit.
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.
This is it. Yes.
Gilbert, I have a question.
I've always been meaning to ask you this.
I want to do it from the stage.
What's that lago money like?
(LAUGHTER)
That was Gilbert's character in
What was that movie?
Aladdin.
Aladdin.
There we go.
Yes, Aladdin.
That must've been very inspirational
for you, that movie.
It was a dare I say
(LAUGHTER)
I'll say it, yeah.
I'm just sayin'
I'm just sayin' dreams come true.
It is.
I'm just saying dreams come true.
Thanks for being good pal.
Thanks, man.
Love you, bud.
(APPLAUSE, THUDS)
That was great.
JEFF: What a nice guy.
This is the most fun we've had
since our
our big Hollywood show. That was fun.
Yeah, that was a really good time.
Dave and I had a show in LA.
And all these stars came out.
We were in my dressing room
after the show. Everybody's hanging out.
And I'm like, "Oh, my God,
I got so starstruck. Barbra Streisand,
what an honor.
Can I get a picture with you?"
And she said, "I'm Mickey Rourke."
DAVE: Wow.
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD)
You really nailed it, Jeff.
Play something sexy, Robert.
Yeah.
Slow and sexy.
(KEYBOARDIST PLAYS ROMANTIC TUNE)
Thanks.
(LAUGHTER)
You guys are a very sexy couple.
Thank you.
These two I'm not so sure about.
No.
You've never seen the gym teacher
and his daughter have a good time?
Come on.
(THUD)
And how about these two detectives
from the '70s?
What do you think of this?
(LAUGHTER)
Turner and Hooch. What's your name, fella?
Jake.
JEFF: Jake and
Sahil.
Oh, yeah. And what gay cruise
did you guys made out of?
DAVE: That's great.
(LAUGHTER)
Dave, I don't judge people.
I don't care if you're gay or straight
or bi or trans or gender-fluid.
I'm gender-solid.
You are.
The only thing that can penetrate me
is a pastrami sandwich.
Nice.
(THUDS)
And even they have a little trouble
sometimes.
(LAUGHTER)
You just bought a new house, right?
My dream house.
Yeah. One bedroom, two kitchens.
Am I right or no?
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD) DAVE: Aw!
Jeff looks like the world's tallest baby.
Now
(LAUGHTER)
(THUD) My son.
All right.
Jeff looks like
He got me for a change.
Thanks.
Finally you got me.
(LAUGHTER)
Just trying to keep it new.
Trying to keep it fresh
because this is a late-night
New York crowd.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(CROWD CHEERING)
I was actually in New York
on election night, did I tell you this?
Oh. Yeah?
On election night, I was in New York,
I got invited
to Hillary Clinton's victory party.
Wow.
At the Jacob Javits Center.
Oh, shit.
Have you ever gone to a wedding,
and the bride dies walking down the aisle?
Oh, fuck yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
DAVE: Help a lady up.
Oh.
Jeff, are you alright?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Oh, good. Now we can switch sides.
I like it over here.
It's good. That's where
the punch lines are.
All right.
Get over there!
Jeff.
Jeff looks like he runs the gift shop
at a planetarium.
(LAUGHTER)
We've been on tour too fucking long, Jeff.
(APPLAUSE)
We're back in New York.
New York, the last state to legalize pot.
Let's do it.
(CROWD CHEERING)
Now half the states
are legalizing marijuana
while the other half
are loosening their gun laws.
Oh, shit.
Can I predict how this civil War
might turn out?
Breaking news, Texas conquered Colorado
in 35 minutes.
(LAUGHTER)
Using a battalion of heavily armored
ice cream trucks.
Oh
(LAUGHTER)
We finally know what people
will do for a Klondike Bar.
(LAUGHTER)
You know, we had
some of our best friends here,
some of the funniest comedians
in the world came out tonight.
And I feel like it's our responsibility
as a comedian
to shine a light on the darkness
to find a silver lining
in the toughest things
that happen in life.
I'll give you an example.
Last year, I was in Manchester, England.
Right.
I was doing a show there,
and if you recall, earlier in the year,
there was a music concert. There was a
terrorist attack at the concert hall.
Ariana Grande was performing.
There was a lot of people there.
The worst possible thing that could happen
at a concert
happened to those people that night.
But the silver lining, the very next day
Ariana Grande canceled
the rest of her tour.
What?
So.
DAVE: What?
God works in mysterious ways.
(LAUGHTER)
Bob Saget, Gilbert Gottfried,
Hasan Minhaj.
Dave Attell. Jeff Ross.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
(CROWD CHANTING) Gilbert, Gilbert!
(CROWD CHANTING) Gilbert!
(CHANTING CONTINUES)
(HOLLERING, APPLAUSE)
A little boy is walking to the bathroom
in the middle of the night.
He passes by his parents' room.
His parents are having sex.
The little boy screams.
The father starts cracking up.
The next night,
the father's walking
to go to the bathroom.
He sees his son fucking his grandmother.
The father screams. The little boy goes,
"See, not so funny when it's your mother."
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Are you enjoying your free ride home,
or as Dave calls it, "Jewber"?
(LAUGHTER)
DAVE: Joe.
JEFF: Hey, Joe!
JEFF: Joe, come here.
DAVE: Look at him run.
What's up, bud?
Not much, how are you guys?
Great to see you.
You, too.
JEFF: We have a show tomorrow.
Come by.
Come by tomorrow.
Sounds good to me.
DAVE: Sorry about that rattling.
It usually ends when the smell starts.
(GILBERT LAUGHS)
Gilbert, you were great tonight, man.
GILBERT: Oh, thank you.
Seeing you and Bob together,
that was yeah.
GILBERT: Yeah, that just felt
like fun tonight.
JEFF: I don't know where you get it,
but Zei Gezunt, say hello to the kids.
DAVE: Gilbert.
We'll mail you a check.
All right?
Okay. A check.
We'll mail your check, buddy.
The check's in the mail, Gilbert.
Nah, you killed it.
Thank you.
Always a pleasure. Get him here, Jeff.